My Bestest Boy
Although I can hardly believe it is true, on Monday it will be five years since we released Barkis (8-10-04). In some ways it seems like such a short time. In other ways, so much has happened between then and now. This will be the third tribute that I have written for my boy. The first was posted on the old "ezboard" and was lost to a cruel hacker. The second was lost along with the closure of our former home, cc.net. But here I am again, because Barkis deserves to be remembered and honored. He was my bestest boy, and always will remain so in my heart.
In writing my first two tributes, I remember how important it felt to me that the words should be "just right." There was a healing that came with putting my thoughts into sentences. But now, with the passage of time, the words are starting to drift away and what seems most important to me are simply the feelings themselves. How dear he was to me, and how special.
Our lives are now filled with the joy of our two girls, Peg and Luna. They would never have come to us had it not been for our loss of Barkis. So that is the good that came out of our sorrow. And for the most part, my sad memories are outnumbered by the sweet and happy ones. Especially on his birthdays, when I remember how he looked as a puppy and how excited we were when we saw him for the very first time. He was our little "rocket" dog, so healthy and so happy and so proud and so beautiful.
But when the first of August rolls around, it is hard for my memories not to drift back to that final weekend when he was failing. The worry and the tears. And the last walks and hugs, and the final rides in his beloved Barkmobile. We were so lucky that we had the chance to tell him how much we loved him. But it was so hard to let him go. I had not known that it could hurt so much, and that I would miss him so deeply.
At some point over the next few days, I will pick up his collar and put it in my pocket. And I'll head over to his favorite lake and walk around it just like we did so many times together. And I'll call his name, and in my mind's eye, I'll see him running to me once again, so healthy and so happy. Just me and my bestest boy, together again and always.
We have a secret, you and I
that no one else shall know,
for who but I can see you lie
each night in fire glow?
And who but I can reach my hand
before we go to bed
and feel the living warmth of you
and touch your silken head?
And only I walk woodland paths
and see ahead of me,
your small form racing with the wind
so young again, and free.
And only I can see you swim
in every brook I pass
and when I call, no one but I
can see the bending grass.
Author Unknown
In loving memory of my sweet Barkis, today and everyday ~
Marianne
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