Sharring the story of Husko the Hero...

[Iraklis]

As you said ,you did it before you knew Daisy had a condition...

I did what I did while my babys' health was compromised...and he needed me most...
Yes I can say I did much more than most people would even do for their human kids...but my behavior towards the end ,somehow invalidates in my mind everything good i did before and during...

And while there were many reasons or excuses ,ex. insomnia ,exhaustion & frustration ,I should have simply turned around and punch walls or something...not slap or grab my baby Husko by the throat...

Towards the end i feel my mind went from ''I want my baby to get better'' to ''I want all this to end...''...and that is giving up...and he felt that...

Yes, dogs are the most forgiving of creatures...but they are also the most tuned to our feelings...they know how we feel before we ourselves even realize...

btw,Thank you for listening!!!
Most people go ''...forget it...it was just a dog...grab a beer...blah blah...''

P.S. Husko left us 14th March. Can he be added to the company of all the other doggies who left us in that special thread?

[Harley PoMMom]

P.S. Husko left us 14th March. Can he be added to the company of all the other doggies who left us in that special thread?

Husko's name has been added.

Hugs, Lori

[doxiesrock912]

Post your favorite picture too so we have that to add (thanks Lori).

Watching your furry family member become ill and doing everything you can with nothing working for months is so very stressful.

Insomnia and exhaustion make things MUCH worse! Please realize that you were not yourself. We can only take so much! I'm not making excuses, I just want you to understand that even with the best intentions, we can only handle so much before we snap.

Blaming yourself can literally make you sick. Please don't do that to yourself. In a sense, the stress of helplessness of it all made you sick.

Husko would want you to forgive yourself and you must in order to heal and be who you need to be for yourself and Lemmy and so that you can begin to enjoy the good memories with Husko.

[Harley PoMMom]

If you would want Husko's picture added, please do let me know and I can do that too.

[goldengirl88]

Iraklis:
I am so sorry you continue to struggle over Husko. I know that I have a tendency
to blame myself for everything. I understand that you had a weak moment, and did something you regret, sometimes when Tipper frustrates me I yell, and feel terrible afterwards. We are by no means perfect, and good at beating ourselves up. I hope in time you can forgive yourself this one human mistake. You have done a lot more than others, by owning up to it. We are human and suseptable to flaws and mistakes. I hope you can get through this most trying time, and know we are always here and care about you.
Patti

[Iraklis]

Firstly, I want to thank you all so much for wanting to help!
I just wish I could hold myself together like you guys do...

I understand that you had a weak moment, and did something you regret, sometimes when Tipper frustrates me I yell, and feel terrible afterwards. We are by no means perfect, and good at beating ourselves up. I hope in time you can forgive yourself this one human mistake.

Slapping was 5-10 times during these 8 months...
Grabbing the throat was 2 times...
Yes...I understand what you are saying...Seconds after I did it , each time I was angry at myself and said ''how could I do such a thing???''
I could maybe forgive myself for doing it once...but how can I forgive myself for doing it multiple times ,and even worse since every time
I knew it was absolutely wrong!!!
...And Husko never once showed aggression like so many dogs in his condition...which makes me feel even more guilty...

My inner-thoughts were ''I will help you Husko and do everything possible'' 99% of the time..........but sometimes it simply became ''I just want all this to end...''
Husko realized that...gave up fighting and ended it all so I wouldn't suffer...
I am not a religious person nor do i believe in any god...but i think this was the most godlike and selfless act i have ever experienced in my life...

If you would want Husko's picture added, please do let me know and I can do that too.

Thank you very much!!!
Can it be the link to his album?
http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/album.php?u=4024

[doxiesrock912]

Iraklis,
Husko sensed your frustration and clearly understood that you felt bad when you lost it.
I don't think that he gave up. God stopped his suffering and yours too. Every dog is different, each responds to treatment differently.


You're thinking that you want it all to end is selfless. You're heart was breaking for Husko. That's to be expected.

[Iraklis]

My own conclusion from day 1 since he went away, regarding his physical but not mental condition ,was that I should have given him a lower dose of Vetoryl since restarting it (in order for the artemix to work, it needs an attacking tumor)...
I already knew Vetoryl caused the tumor to attack in the first place...and the attack caused by the 30mg dose was probably more than what the Artemix could handle......but seeing the small wound in his front leg (left by the opening of the vet so the pus would come out) finally almost closing carried me away...
I should have given a 10-15mg dose instead of the 30mg...

***********
''i want it all to end...'' is actually the most selfish thing i could have in my mind...

I'm so glad you found an IMS who can see Cooper quickly. Please let us know how it goes.

This morning I uploaded a video of Pansy shivering when she inhales, is this similar to what you see with Cooper? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV7mc78B1UM

Husko too had this localised tremors in his final 1-2 weeks...anyone know what these mean?

[pansywags]

I don't know what exactly causes the tremors but they seem to happen more frequently (or maybe even exclusively?) to dogs with macroadenomas. The last vet I asked at Davis didn't have an answer for me.

[goldengirl88]

I do know that my Tipper does not have a macro and she has terrible tremors that have started affecting her whole body now. I wish I could find a solution as they are too hard to watch. Could you tell me what is Artemis? What is it for and what does it do? Hope you have a better day today.
Patri