My big boy Gable - sweet Gabe is now at peace

Thank you, Lori...I know I keep saying that I can't believe how fast this happened, but thinking back it was the same with Lena. I guess maybe it always feels this way. I just wish I had brought him to the ER earlier that night, even if he died anyway he wouldn't have gone through as much pain as he was in. i am kicking myself for trusting the vet yet again, when my instincts were telling me otherwise.

The vet who had seen him on Monday called me yesterday when he heard, to offer his condolences, but it sounded more like he was making excuses for what he told me the day before when he saw him TWICE, about it being normal, and made it sound like it was my decision not to leave him there for overnight, which it was because they don't have anyone there at night, but he also said that the ER's would do it just to make money and that he didn't need it. He wasn't even Gable's normal vet, who I have not heard from AT ALL, which really pisses me off.

This is the second time that one of my dogs has died under their care after not paying attention to what I know about my dogs. It's my fault for not going with my instincts, but I am going to look around for another vet.

I'm so sad, and so mad at myself...

Thank you for listening to me vent (lol).

love, Joan

You're coming home tomorrow, my darling boy. They texted me tonight and I will come get you before I take Josh to the Halloween Parade.

I miss you terribly, Gabe. I keep listening for you panting and drinking. I am only using one of the two bowls for water and have only had to fill the bowl twice since you've been gone. The other I'm using for Cooper's food. I put your bowl, collar and leash away...I can't bear to see them right now. Cooper and Sibbie keep looking for you in all the places you were hiding the other day, but I think your scent is disappearing.

I can leave kibble down and it doesn't disappear, we aren't stepping over you, you aren't laying in front of the oven in the kitchen, I don't wake up hearing you drinking, drinking, drinking then heading for the back door to go out to pee, and when I take my shower, you aren't laying there on the floor waiting for me anymore. All of this makes me so sad.

I got a card from the ER with something special written by everyone who was there that night, which was so nice. And a card from Brookville signed "Dr. Kraznov and staff"...that one went right in the garbage. Childish, I know, but I am still so pissed off at them.

Good night my big, beautiful boy and my angel Lee...I miss you both and love you with all my heart.

Mommy

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge hugs flying up to you on this morning that I hope will bring you at least a bit of peace, Joan.

Your Angel is coming home.

Love, Marianne

I took Sibbie with me to go pick up Gable's ashes. Before we left I took her for a quick walk. On the grass was a white feather. I have seen white feathers ever since Lena died, so I thought it was from Lena letting me know that he was with her and okay. Then as I was driving, I realized all the feathers that I have always found were small. This was a big white feather and I think (and hope) that it was either Gable letting me know, or Lena letting me know it was for him, and he was okay. When we got home I went back and got it. I'll put it with the ones that I have saved from Lena.

Oh I hope it was exactly that!! A perfect sign from your Angel babies, together once again and forever…

Oh, Marianne...

I do so hope that Luna pulls out of this. I know how worried you must be and I know how stressful it is to be watching for every little sign.

I can't seem to cry anymore. I feel like I'm going to, but the tears just won't come. Josh was here again yesterday. Called me early and asked if he could come over. He walked here (they only live a couple of blocks away). He, Sibbie and I went looking for bargains at a barn sale. Then he played in the playground there that was enclosed so we let Sibbie run around and play with him. I got some really nice pictures. Next time we'll bring Cooper so he can run around too. He seems really lonely without Gabe and was trembling yesterday when he knew we were leaving. I keep telling him that he's the man of the house now...

Then Josh, Sibbie and I took a ride to Morgan Park, which is on the beach, where there's a new food stand. We got some hot chocolate, Sibbie had whipped cream, and just sat and talked while we watched the waves. He keeps trying to cheer me up...telling me the bright side (no more pills; no more getting up in the middle of the night to let him out; less poop to pick up; food and vet bills will be lower). It doesn't help, but I let him think it did. We were waiting for the owner to finish making the soups for the day because Josh wanted some. He got potato and bacon. We went back home and him and Sibbie both fell asleep before dinner...LOL, too much fresh air!

After dinner we drove around to see if anyone had started decorating for Xmas, or if there were anymore Halloween decorations still up. And we sang Xmas carols the whole time before I took him home.

Honestly, I was happy to have the distraction and a reason to get out. It is too quiet in the house without my big, beautiful boy. The silence makes me so sad...

I'm going to start walking Sibbie and Cooper around the neighborhood. Maybe they will both get over their aversion to other dogs. I couldn't do it when Gable was alive because I couldn't walk all three and he couldn't make it too far with all the weakness in his back legs. I wouldn't take them without him because he would've wanted to come and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I wish I had taken him to Jeremy's at least once, but Jeremy has a huge staircase to climb and I just didn't think he would be able to get up them as many times as he would need to going out to pee.

I have so many regrets, just like with Lena. I know it will get easier...but Halloween will be forever ruined. It's only been six days, but it feels like yesterday and also so long ago...weird.

Many, many hugs to you. I wish we lived closer to each other. Give Luna a big hug and kisses from me. Gable would have loved her...

Love,
Joan

One week today, my darling boy. I still can't believe it. As soon as I think about you being gone, my head starts shaking "no", it can't be. Then my heart starts to hurt and I know that it is. I went food shopping today and almost everything I bought made me think of you...bananas, pears, carrots, celery, chopped meat, sour cream, and ice cream. Making dinner tonight all I could think of was how you were always at my feet and I would peel extra carrots for you and cut up extra celery because you loved it all, my sous chef.

Juan was here yesterday and was shocked that you had died. I swear he was going to cry. You loved being outside on Mondays when he came to work. You were his buddy and I used to hear him talking to you as you followed him around the yard. I don't understand what happened...

But Lena must be happy that you're with her even if I'm sad that you're gone. Now I miss the both of you and will be counting down the weeks again like I did after she left us. I love you both...I love all of you that are there, too many to mention. I'm just not used to missing you yet. I love you now and forever, just like Lee, Gable.

Mommy

Still thinking of you every day, Joan. And Gable too. We’ll never forget your dearest big boy. Forever in our hearts…

Love, Marianne

I still can't believe you're gone, Gabe...it is so, so quiet and I miss you so much. I keep thinking that it's all a mistake, and I just want to sleep. When Lee died you were my comfort, my couch buddy and you kept me warm and watched over me while I cried and slept. Cooper and Sibbie cuddle with me, but I don't think they know why I'm so sad. Cooper is crying in his sleep a lot. I think he's lonely without you so I hold him until he stops.

I miss your big happy face and sweetness. I miss tripping over you in the kitchen and in the bathroom when I get out of the shower. I still wake up in the middle of the night listening for you, then I can't get back to sleep wondering what happened and what I might've done to change it. Even though I knew it would happen, I can't believe it did.

I know that Lena, Andee and Tem are happy to have you with them, but I still want all of you back with me.

Goodnight, my sweet babies. I think of you every day and miss you with all my heart...

Love,
Mommy

It was not easy cleaning the broccoli rabe without you today, Gabe. I missed you terribly while peeling the stringy parts off of the stems and sharing the way we used to. Sibbie had some, but I threw most of them away. It just made me sadder. I had nobody to trip over in the kitchen and that just made me cry...I miss you my beautiful boy. I am still not used to the quiet...and tomorrow I'm roasting butternut squash, which you loved...another difficult Thanksgiving. But Josh is so looking forward to it so I'm going to have to smile and pretend just like I've been doing since Lena died...

Mommy loves you all....