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They do take our hearts and make it their own. I also believe they allow our hearts to expand, to welcome in pure innocent joy and when they leave us our hearts remain huge. Loving them still missing them all that much more. All the more for having been allowed to share a time with them.
As Kathy said. Be good to yourself. Keesh would want you no other way than who you are and that is a very good person indeed.
I moved Keesh's ashes today, they are coming with me as the rest of my stuff goes into storage. Completely broke down, and even writing this the tears are uncontrollable. I never in my life thought I could be so heartbroken for so long a time. I looked at his precious paw print and just fell to the floor and wept. I heard you can die from a broken heart, and this just might be one of those times.
Hey baby boy. Today it is 7 months since Mommy said goodbye. So hard to comprehend that all this time I haven't had you here with me. Miss you more and more everyday.... you were/are so loved. Wish you were here now to be by my side. Love you puppers.
Sadly the candle lighting page has changed, and it made everything more difficult to get to. I will keep a candle lit for you puppers starting August 1 when I get to my new place. Miss you and even today there were tears for you.... love you so, so much.
Hey puppers.... we had a family reunion on the weekend, and there were 5 dogs there, and another I was with before I ended up at the Shiloh Ranch.... made me miss you so much as you would have loved it. I was given a Norman Rockwell design statue of 2 kids bathing a dog and when I turned it over it said "In memory of Keesh" ---- I lost it right there and then and had to excuse myself from everyone. Kind of glad it was family only. I had to leave it in the car 2 days before I could look at it again, but it will have a place of honour somewhere in my new home along with your urn and paw print. Even typing this note, I weep. Love you more then ever.....
Well baby boy... it's been awhile since I wrote here and so much has happened. Yesterday was the anniversary of you being gone 9 months, yet is still feels like 9 minutes. I cry everytime I light a candle for you, and just 2 days ago when I thought I was doing ok... I started weeping in the grocery store seeing the huge aisles of pet things they have here in the PC supercenter. Mommy is completely alone in a city where she knows absolutely no one, and it's pretty far for people to come and see me, so if I needed you before, I sure need you now more then ever. What I would give to share this new experience with you.... but I never will. I am still shattered over losing you, but I do ok most of the time. Love you sweet peas... with all my heart.
big (((((hugs))))) Judi!
Terry
Sending you hugs. Keesh will always be in your heart and soul
Sonja,Angel Apollo,Angel Karma,Ariel
It has taken me 9 months to write this letter to Gateway Pet Memorials but I finally was able to write it today... with many, many tears flowing.
The title was " Many, Many Thanks
It has taken 9 months to send this letter, but finally I can do it. On November 14, 2014 my ever beloved dog “Keesh” of 15 years was put down in the coldest and cruellest fashion that I believe anyone could experience with a veterinarian.
At the same time I was going through a divorce, selling my dream home, selling my business and in general having a terrible time, then the death of the dog occurred just 2 weeks into my move to a new town. To say I was devastated doesn’t even come close. This dog was a therapy dog to so many, including myself and thousands upon thousands of dollars was spent to give this dog the best health possible including hydrotherapy. I believe and no one will convince me differently that the new veterinarian directly caused the immediate deterioration of “mah boy” as he was alert, happy and hungry right till the end.
Anyway, this letter is to let you know that without a doubt, if it hadn’t been for the absolute kindness shown by your staff to me in the darkest time of my life, I’m sure that a rubber room was in the very near future. You treated not only me, but my cherished boy with such dignity, respect and genuine caring, that I will never, ever forget. As I type this, tears are streaming down my face not only from sadness but with gratitude for what and how you were. The veterinarian handed me my dog as if he was a frozen turkey.... you on the other hand went to my car, had a gurney and treated him as if he was something that was deeply cherished, which he was and still is. My last memory of him at the veterinarians was horrendous, but because I got to see him at your facility... he looked 10 years younger and was my beautiful boy once again. You have no idea how much I needed to see him after such an horrendous sight at the veterinarians.
As I think about his untimely death and the grief it causes.... I am actually comforted knowing how Gateway treated not only the dog but especially myself.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for the way you were with me, and the way you are. I have recommended your services to many, many people and in such a tragic time, you were the only comfort that I have known and I still reflect on that almost every day.
Note: The comfort part from them was in person.... there was much comfort shown on this forum.
That is a lovely letter Judi and I know a very hard one to write. Just remembering kindness can touch a persons heart.
Big hugs Judi! I hope you are settling into your new home.
Hey puppers. Today marks the 10th month you have been gone but the heartache is just as raw as the day you left. Everytime I come on this forum and read about another furbaby that has passed, it breaks my heart and I relive again your last day with me. Never thought that this would tear me apart so badly, and if you can die from a broken heart, you being gone will do it. I have tried to get myself back together, but it isn't working and no matter where I go you are foremost in my thoughts. I still cannot go to a store without losing it if I see the pet aisle. Therapy isn't going to help, it isn't going to bring you back. I don't know why I can't snap out of this, I am trying.. but something else happens the reminds me of you and throws me right back to where I was and I try to start all over again. Mommy misses you more then she ever missed anything in her life. Even lighting your candle will put me in tears.. so I'm wondering if I need to stay away from here for awhile or is this therapy? I don't know, all I know is that it doesn't get any easier without you....
Oh Judi, I am so sorry for this pain that still rips your heart apart. Absolutely, you need to take whatever action feels best to you but I selfishly hope that you will not leave us. If so, you will be dearly missed while you are gone and you will be welcomed back with open arms whenever you return once again.
One thing I am wondering is whether you have thought at all about the possibility of sharing your life and your home with another dog. Never to replace Keesh, because that would be impossible. But to return companionship and purpose to your days and nights. Honestly, I don't know that you will ever get over losing Keesh. No matter how much time passes, that wound will always remain. But devoting time to care for another soul may lessen the time you have to dwell on that pain.
I say this only because I found that was the only thing that helped shift my own focus forward, and away from my pain over losing my Barkis. Of course what helped me may not be at all helpful to you. But I cannot resist talking over the possibility. I will not ever get over losing him. Over ten years later, I still cannot walk down a babyfood aisle without being reminded of those final days when we were desperately trying anything to tempt him to eat. Those memories still haunt my heart. But so thankfully, they are tempered with the fact that the next stop after the market is the pet store where I go to pick up a new bag of food or a bottle of dog shampoo or a new toy. There is a balance of pleasure to offset the pain, and that gives me purpose and direction in the here and now.
Again, I would never be so presumptuous to think what was helpful for me would necessarily be helpful for you. But I am so grateful to have my two girls alongside me now, and I do believe I would have continued to grieve for Barkis endlessly had not baby Peg arrived (very unexpectedly!) to demand my attention and ultimately to also claim my heart. So it is just a thought to throw out to you because I am so sorry to see you suffering so mightily for so long.
Whatever you decide, Judi, we will always be here for you. And we will always be here to honor Keesh.
Many hugs,
Marianne
I most certainly understand Judi. It has been over two years since Buddy flew and I still crumble each time we lose one of our precious pups. :o It is very hard at times for me to be here too. In fact, some of the threads are harder than others for me to respond to and I am much more vulnerable now than I was before losing Buddy. I have been damaged beyond repair and although I'm healing, my heart has been changed forever.
Like Marianne, I needed another fur baby. I needed to feel needed and adopting Rosie saved my sanity. I was in a very unhealthy, dark place. A place where I was mentally, physically and emotionally shutdown. Rosie arrived at 3 pounds and was entirely dependent. I had to get up and function. I had to take care of her. That's when I started to eat and sleep and the sun started to shine again. Rosie save me from myself. She will never replace Buddy, but she is loved and special in her own right.
I am not saying that another dog is the right thing for you or will ever be. However, your heart is so pure that when the time is right you will love again. I am sure of it!:p
Please take care of yourself and know that your K9C family cares for you very much and will always honor Keesh here.
Big hugs,
Kathy
Thank you once again for your kind words and thoughts. I thought about getting another dog, but there are 2 things that stop me. Although I am in a dog friendly townhouse, there is absolutely no place for that dog to exercise outside other then me walking it. Guess I'm spoiled... I'm used to opening a door and letting the dog out into a huge fenced yard, without worry. Here there is a ridiculously small deck and that's it. This place is so badly built that if I sneeze the guy behind me grabs the kleenex and if I leaned over the deck at the side I'd bang heads with the neighbour if he's having a bbq. Don't know what I was thinking when I rented this place other then price. The other obstacle is at this time I just could not go through another death of an animal... at least not yet. It is inevitable at some point.. but I can't do it. I thought about getting a cat.. although I'm not a cat person at all ( there has only been 2 in my life I actually liked) but I don't have a clue how to look after them. I know how to correct a dog.. but nothing about a cat. I will plug along, but I'm glad to hear that I am not completely crazy or alone with how I feel when I hear your stories. Thank you. I think I was actually traumatized by the vet and how she euthanized him.. or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse, but that is the worst memory I have.. he was actually (not gasping) but his cheeks puffed out as he was breathing slowly... horrible, horrible experience and to be on the floor to boot.
Judi, you know your own heart the best of anyone, so it is totally true that you need to wait to find another companion until/if the time comes that you feel ready. However, if that time comes, here's another thought for you. A Maine Coon Cat might be a perfect choice for you because the breed is described as being very playful and dog-like in behavior.
This sounds like a perfect pet to me, and I've been giving some thought to looking for a cat like this when the time comes for us to add another family member, especially because apparently Maine Coons generally get along really well with dogs. I did grow up with cats and already love them, so that makes it a more likely possibility for me. But after struggling now for some time with mobility issues in our 80-pound arthritic Peg, I am anxious to find somebody who I can lift, easily transport, and who doesn't need daily outdoor exercise. Since I've been thinking about this myself, the moment you mentioned "cat," I couldn't resist telling you about this particular breed. I don't think training would be an issue at all -- cats are really pretty much self-training animals, and are actually much easier to care for than dogs because they don't require outdoor potty breaks, specific feeding times, or organized exercise. Can you see I've already thought about this a lot for our own house and as a playmate for Luna?? (although hubby will have to be diverted from getting another big retriever in the future...:rolleyes:).Quote:
"The dogs of the cat world" - that's what people call Maine Coons because Maine Coons seek out and enjoy the company of people. Maine Coons make great companions as they are a friendly, playful, natural breed with an affectionate nature. Their dispositions remain kittenish throughout their lives and some people say they continue to grow until they're about four years old. They are big, gentle, good-natured goofs.
Although Maine Coons are highly people-oriented cats, they are not overly-dependent. They do not constantly beg for attention, but prefer to "hang out" with their humans, investigating whatever activity is going on and "helping" when they can. Generally, they are not known as "lap cats," but they will probably stay close by, following you from room to room and waiting outside closed doors for you to emerge. A Maine Coon will be your buddy, but hardly ever your baby."
Anyway, just some more food for thought to throw out there if the time comes that you feel as though you might be ready to welcome another furry companion.
Marianne
http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/albu...pictureid=5726
Judi, it's a pic of Stella and Elizabeth May who are bffs. Who'd have thought that happening. My daughter picked Ellie up at Elizabeth Park where she used to work in May of 2011 hence the name Elizabeth May. ;) Someone just left her there in a carrier.:( We think she's a mixed Maine coon as she's rather small for a Maine coon.
I'm sorry to say it but I was NOT a cat person all my life and I still don't call myself one but I love Ellie. She was thought to be about 8 months old when she came and she was so playful and such a delight.
Fast forward, when it's a snack time she is in line with all other pups so I have 8 eyes all looking at me and waiting.:)
A few minutes past dinner time, she's in my lap demanding her dinner. Also she sometimes comes over just to be cuddled. My daughter always carries her around or holding her as Ellie is her cat. Other than her flying hair she's just so cute and as Marianne said acts a lot like a dog only much smarter. Very early on she struck up a friendship with Stella and they became bffs and it still continues. They have their special way of playing with each other and it's very funny to watch them play especially when Ellie gives Stella little jabs which usually happens toward the end of their play while Ellie sitting on her condo. :D
So I totally agree with Marianne's description on Maine Coons. I don't remember ever trying to house train her, really. She or he will be a very good companion who doesn't need a yard or a lot of supervision yet still very affectionate and smart. Ellie is also an angel when I give her a bath, totally. Just give it a thought.
I'm so sorry you are struggling so much over Keesh. The thing is that the hurt never leaves you but isn't with you as often as time goes by. I had a Chi more than 35 years ago who I still can't talk about with anyone including my own family and the thought of her still brings tears in my eyes. So yea, the hurt never goes away. It's just less frequent, much less frequent now. I really hope you consider a coon.
Hugs, Song.
Judy, 10 months isn't long when we lose part of our heart and soul.
It is well over a year and quickly approaching two years for Zoe.
I dont allow myself to look back too much, the pain is still terrible.
I can talk about her and remember her non Cush years but if I have to flashback to the last few years of her life, it is agonizing pain.
Give yourself time.
Hey, your townhouse sounds like mine. A small patch of grass, I have no idea what Koko will do come winter.
Big hugs sweetie.
Follow your heart.
Dear Judy,
What you are going through is normal. It is too rough and painful for you. You lost part of your self when Keesh died. It has been three years since Apollo died. I was a mess the first two years. Like Addy, when I remember the time before cushing, I can feel good inside. But when I think about the last few years with Apollo's brave fight with Cushing , I break down. I tried to through some of his medical records away the other day , I just broke down and cried. I could not do it. When you love and are loved so deeply, you fall even harder. Love Sonja, Angel Apollo ,Angel Karma, Ariel
Really rough day today for some reason, but.tonight a black and white cat that I've seen 4-5 times walked past the small front porch of my house. I made a few noises and over it came. I gave it some chicken, went into the house to get more and it followed me in. It went throughout the complete house including the basement checking things out. It followed me wherever I went too. Purred, rubbed up against me, but the sad thing about this cat it roams all day that I know of and I'm not sure if it has a home around here. It's pretty skinny, but I think young too. I would have kept it, but I know nothing about fleas, etc. and with not knowing what to do with a cat other then kitty litter -LOL- I couldn't keep it. If this progresses... I'll borrow a cat cage, take it to a vet to get checked out and I can see a new kitty around here in the future, maybe. It used my front mat as a scratching post, but I think it's someone else's. Wonder if they'll miss it.. :D:o:rolleyes:
LOL Put a flyer up and say found cat, or something.
Cat car isn't that difficult if you decide to go for it. If not this one then maybe adopt one. There are always tons.
Be aware, kittens can be both adorable and a handful. :) Been there done that.
Some days are definitely hard and will continue to be but having an animal in the house, might give you some company too.
huggers
Well, I'm a little p#%@. The neighbour who already has a cat, scooped the black and white one on me. It's a sweetie, I really liked it but she won't give it to me. She did say if it didn't get along with her other cat, then I could have it.. guess I should have grabbed it when I could. They knew I wanted it... but they intentionally took it, when they saw it on the grass. The guy in the same house won't be getting anymore odd jobs from me anymore. I think that was just downright mean.
11 months today, baby boy... unbelievable. Heartache galore almost everyday. Can't get passed this....
I don't think you get passed, I think you just learn to adapt to the reality of him being gone. Keesh was such a huge part of your life, when everything else was turmoil, there was Keesh, steady and true always for you.
:(
hugs Judi
Yup you are right Sharlene... he was all I had and he went through everything with me..... I thought it would be me that wouldn't last ... little did I know. I check on you regularly... give that little sweetie a belly rub for me.
Oh Judi, It is so difficult sometimes, I still miss all my boys, my Harley passed in 2011 and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him, but at least now, those precious memories of him don't always bring me to tears, I can smile more these days when thinking of him.
((((HUGS))))
Dear Judi ,
Keesh will always be in your heart,soul and mind. The lose is so deep to fathom. It is three years since Apollo passed and I will always miss him,some days are good others are not. The first year was the toughest. There is no love as deep as the one between us and our fur balls. They are everything humans should be but are not.
Love Sonja,Apollo ,Karma,Ariel
Well "puppers". "fat boy", "mah boy", "sweet peas" and all the endearments I used to call you... today marks the 1 yr anniversary of me losing you. If you knew there was a cat in the house now.. well.... wouldn't you be in a state!!! Mommy couldn't get another dog.. there was just no dog like you, and it still is way too soon for me to even think about it. I highly doubt I will ever have a dog again.
I miss you to the core of my being, and still the mention of your name brings me to a crying mess. Yes, I need to pick myself up and move on, and you and I did that together... it's just so hard to do it alone, without you. Mommy misses you and loves you.... until we hopefully see each other again... "my bestest buddy!!"
(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))) )))
These firsts are just so very hard but you can't let yourself feel guilty for having the emotions you do for Keesh today. I know his heart is heavy over the events in Paris and around the world just as are all our hearts....but he and the love you shared also deserves to be honored. So cry all you need, your Wonder Dog has earned every one.
Judi. I got to meet Keesh and how lucky I am to have met him. What a sweet boy with his eyes the window to his soul and his soul was a good one. Simple and pure. Love me and I will love you back for all our days and beyond.
Today I honor your boy who traveled so many journeys of life with you and made your journey through the tough time so much better just by sharing it with you. I celebrate the life of Keesh with happiness and smiles that you shared so much together.
Hugs
Was at a family brunch and met my 2nd cousin who is a vet. When I told the story of how Keesh was treated at the end, I broke right down and even typing this I am a mess. She was disgusted with what I told her. The wrong testing, the Guelph University, how they did acupuncture and especially the treatment on his last day. I am still a broken mess, and wish with all my heart, "mah boy" had a better ending then what he did. I'm angry, hurt, p'off to no end. I can't change anything, but sure wish I could.
I have a reminder several times a day since his last day. When I got on the floor with him I bashed my elbow, just like hitting your funny bone, but I damaged the ulnar nerve so to this day after 3 neurology visits, 3 emg's I lost the feeling in my baby finger, half of the ring finger and down the outside of my hand. It is now over 14 months, and they won't operate yet, wanting me now to wait until August to see if there is improvement. (had 3rd test yesterday-no improvement.) Think at this point the medical profession is as bad as the veterinary care Keesh got. I can't work properly, carry things, the hand muscles have atrophied - and drop anything heavy. Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad if I could get this fixed and NOT have this constant reminder.
That was a terrible experience and I am sorry that you have such a horrible injury as a reminder of that day. :(.
My fractured shoulder never healed right after I fell with Zoe, that Winter she passed away. For awhile, the constant reminder mentally hurt so much. Now, it has gotten better but will never be 100 per cent. It just is part of me and Zoe now, like she is always with me and the arm reminds me of what we had.
So, I hope you can get better so it is not so painful and you can use your hand again. But even if it never is 100 percent, one day, I hope you just carry that as a physical badge of your bond with your boy.
Judi, I won't tell you it gets better, it doesn't, somehow we just learn how to deal with it. That piece of you, it left with your boy and it is not coming back.
I do think, though, Keesh would not want you to suffer so. I know Zoe loved to make me laugh. I bet Keesh loved it when you laughed with him.
We need to laugh more, it meant so much to them.
Thank you addy for reminding me of that. When I laugh Molly wags her tail so hard and fast it feels like a fan. She loves laughter just as Zoe did and I bet Keesh loved that too.
Well "chunkers" I can't believe what happened today. You would probably say it serves me right with having a cat and all. I walked into a veterinarians for the first time since I last saw you alive. I got choked right up, tears overflowed, and I thought I was going to have to leave. All this just to get some blood work for Simba. Just when I think I'm doing ok without you a horrible reminder rears it's ugly head and even as I am home now and typing this, I am almost beside myself. There was a saint bernard and doberman (vet residents) behind the desk and maybe I would have been ok, if they had come over to me, but they couldn't be bothered at all even looking at me when I called them. Miss you so much puppers...... not going to have good day for the rest of it now.... love you.
It doesn't take much to trigger those horrible memories and feelings does it. The least and biggest things can set them right off. Sending you big virtual hugs, which I know don't do the same as a real one.
Thanks Sharlene... I could use a real hug. Live too far from anyone that could actually give me one.
I know!! That is a nice area you are in now though right? I know someone in the area, and work with her. Great gal. They have a wine store there in town.
The area is very nice and I like the city, best place for everything, but again it's lonely. The cat didn't do it for me which I'm sure you know reading my Facebook.
I also know it's good to come back on here and support others especially those that have lost their babies, but everytime I do, I get all weepy again knowing what they are going through. The heartache just doesn't go away and the upsets come at the most unexpected times.
I just would like to let our members know that I read every post when it is posted that another of our babies is/are gone. I weep, honestly everytime I read these updates, as I know so well how they feel and my heart breaks for each and every one of you. Reading this latest just today about 2 that are now gone in the last 2 days, I am crying knowing that their Mom's and Dad's are heartbroken, sick, devastated, lonely, and all the other things that are and will come along as reminders in the following days, weeks, months and even years. If I could wave some kind of magic wand to make all the heartbroken parents, just feel a little better, I'd do it in a heartbeat. We love them so much, and they take so much of us when they go. Rest In Peace all you little 4 legged babies....... we love and miss you way more then you could even imagine.
As long as I have been on this forum, I have never seen it mentioned that a dog can have a reverse sneeze which looks exactly like a seizure, only more pronounced. I have had experience with Keesh both with seizures and reverse sneezing which can scare the bejeebers out of you if you don't know what is going on. Take a look on youtube to see a dog having a reverse sneezing episode. It is sad to watch and every dog is different, but thought I'd bring it up in case anyone mistakes a seizure for this sneezing. Hope this helps anyone who is wondering.