My big boy Gable - sweet Gabe is now at peace

I had an ACTH done yesterday, he's still panting a lot, drinking a lot and breathing very heavy so I just wanted to make sure his cortisol didn't drop too low.

Cortisol Sample 1: 3.9 ref range: 1.0- 5.0
Cortisol Sample 2: 7.6 LOW ref range: 8.0 - 17.0

Does that sound weird? Vet said it was great, keep doing what I'm doing, but it doesn't sound right to me. He's getting 5mg morning and 5mg at night, and the extra Soloxine at night. I didn't have the thyroid panel done because I wasn't too worried about that, not yet anyway.

He seems so uncomfortable and he's having trouble getting up and walking. When we got to the vet yesterday, they were running about 10 minutes late so we walked a little over to my husband's office to pick up his mail (we've done that walk before), but this time I didn't think we would make it back and that I might have to call them to come get him. We did make it back, but he was so tired. He backed up when they went to bring him in and the leash slipped off his neck and he turned around to run, but couldn't move fast enough and I grabbed him before he could get out of the parking lot onto Glen Cove Road, which he could've done at any other time. They weighed him and he's lost almost 10 pounds even though he looks really heavy to me. I think I might start him back on the Gabapentin 300mg and see if it helps. I also got that supplement that someone mentioned but he's only been getting it a week or two.

I'm getting this panicky feeling that I had with Lee the week before she died...

Oh Joan, I sure understand your worry and I’m so sorry. I think it’s impossible not to flash back to other bad times in situations like this. But as far as Gable’s cortisol, no it’s not too low. The range you’re citing above is the one for the ACTH when it’s being used for diagnostic purposes. That’s the “normal’ range for a dog who doesn’t have Cushing’s at all.

When used for monitoring trilostane, you want the post-ACTH result to be between 1.45 and 9.1 ug/dL for safety purposes. And if the Cushing’s symptoms are not being well controlled, the range can be dropped even further, down to between 1.45 and 5.4. So as you see, Gable’s cortisol is not too low. If anything, you might be hoping that it will continue to drift downward a bit more over the next couple of weeks if, in fact, his cortisol level has anything to do with his current symptoms. I think you started adding the extra 5 mg. about three weeks ago, so there’s still some time for it to lower a bit more. Since he’s been so sensitive to increases in the past, I’d agree with your vet and not yet want to add any more trilostane. But as far as his cortisol, if it stays where it is after another month or so, you maybe could consider another little increase if his symptoms don’t improve at all.

But of course the big question is whether it’s the Cushing’s causing the symptoms or something else. And that is the million dollar question. I so wish I could relieve some of your worry but I know that’s impossible. But I’m definitely thinking about you guys and hoping that Gable will start feeling better again soon!!

Thanks, Marianne...so that post LOW in okay?

Yep. It’s annoying that your lab report doesn’t print the range for the ACTH when it’s being used for trilostane treatment monitoring. Most lab results these days have the three different ranges printed for all ACTH tests:

Normal range for initial diagnostic testing to see if a dog has Cushing’s (this is the range you were given)
Therapeutic range for monitoring dogs taking trilostane
Therapeutic range for monitoring dogs taking Lysodren

The range is different in all three cases. For Gable taking trilostane, his post-ACTH would have to be less than around 2.0 (technically, 1.45 according to Dechra) to be considered too low.

Okay, thanks!

Gable started throwing up last night around 1am, 2 times food, 1 time white foam, the twice after drinking water. He was very shaky and having a hard time walking. Went out and wouldn't come in. Took him to the ER around 2am and they did blood work and looked him over.


Lymphocytes 0.99 ref range: 1.05 - 5.10 K/μL L
Eosinophils 0.03 ref range: 0.06 - 1.23 K/μL
Hemoglobin 20.8 ref range: 13.1 - 20.5 g/dL

BUN 29 ref range: 7 - 27 mg/dL H

ALT 142 ref range: 10 - 125 U/L H
ALP 1,442 ref range: 23 - 212 U/L H
GGT 14 ref range: 0 - 11 U/L H

Amylase >2,500 ref range: 500 - 1,500 U/L H
Lipase 5,971 ref range: 200 - 1,800 U/L

Resting cortisol was >10

They took his blood pressure which was fine, checked him over and he seemed okay other that the drooling, wasn't dehydrated and gave him a shot of anti-nausau

He still didn't seem okay so took him to my vet and they did the pancreatitis test which was positive, gave me pills Cerenia, for nausau.

He's outside laying under a bush and won't come in...I think he's dying. I don't know what happened. He was perfectly fine all day, except for the excitement of the trick or treaters. I gave both him and Cooper 5mg diazapem to calm them down, which did nothing. He ate his dinner fine around 6 or 6:30, then all this started happening. The vet said he might feel like he's dying but they said no. But he won't come in and he's hiding from me.

I don't know what else to do!!!!!

Oh Joan! I’m right here with you! I can’t think of anything else for you to do either — I think you’ve done all you can, and now it’s out of your hands. Either he’ll get better or not. But how awful for you!! I think you’re right, that it sounds like he’s gone off to be by himself the way that animals do there at the end. I keep expecting the same thing to happen with us and Luna, and I don’t know how to handle it, either. I guess don’t force him to move if he doesn’t want to. Try to stay as calm as you can (I’d be going crazy!), and just tell him what a good boy he is. If it’s pancreatitis, maybe the Cerenia will help settle his stomach and he’ll start to feel a little less sick in a while.

I’ll be here and I’ll keep checking on you.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs

Thank you, Marianne. I'm so afraid and upset. I took him back to the vet for another look because he kept hiding in the dirt and poop out in the yard and drooling. They looked him over again and said that he's not dying, that he just feels so bad that he thinks he is, and that this is normal behavior for how bad he feels. Because of the Cushing's it will take longer for him to respond and feel better. All I can do is hope they know what they're talking about. It's so weird not having him hover in the kitchen while I'm preparing dinner...

The only good thing is that because of how he's avoiding me and not letting me help him, I think that you were right that Lena didn't even know that I wasn't there at the end...at least I think that makes me feel better, I'm not really sure :(

I will update tomorrow...thank you for always being there <3

Joan, thanks so much for the update, and I'd be so afraid and upset, too. I totally get it. To be honest, I don't think the vets can know what's really going on right now, either, and they're just making their best guess. But truly, you've done all that's in your power to do and now it's up to Gable and how the story of his life is meant to be written, if that doesn't sound too goofy.

I do think that animals -- and humans too -- can withdraw into themselves when they feel the end is near. It's a final journey that they will be taking on their own and they are setting their own course. I remember some of the things I wrote about when you lost Lena, and I truly do believe them to be true. Souls who have been blessed with love carry that peace inside of then forever. But at the end, I believe the passage from this world is a mystery for them alone to experience.

The vet may be right and you may be wrong for right now. But you may also be right in what you are feeling. And if not now, probably the time for Gable is not far away. Truly, no matter what happens, just like with Lena, I believe your love will forever soothe his spirit and connect your hearts. And for now we'll just have to wait and see. But I'll keep checking in through the evening, too, if you want to talk more.

Love, Marianne

He won't eat, so I'm not giving him any meds including the Cerenia. He doesn't want the chicken I boiled for him, which is so not him. He got two shots of Cerenia today and I don't want to fight with him trying to get the pill down. Maybe he'll feel like eating later. Right now he's outside laying on the deck. I'm not letting him loose in the backyard to pee or poop, so he's annoyed at me everytime I put the leash on him and wont go. I can't be searching for him in the dark in the garden and dragging him in if he doesn't want to budge. He got up and made himself comfortable on the couch where I sleep at night, which he never does. He usually lays on the ottoman next to me, but not for long. He's been more comfortable on the floor since the Spring, I think.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day for both of us, so please don't stay up checking on me. I am exhausted from being up all night and hopefully so is he.

I still cannot believe how suddenly this happened...after all my watching over him, bang!

Good night, dear Marianne...

Good night, Joan. Hoping so much, too, that tomorrow will be a better day!

Marianne, my big beautiful boy died at 5:30 this morning. He got much worse after our going back and forth last night, and I just knew he needed to go to the ER again. Even they were surprised at how much worse he was from the night before. They kept him and hooked him up to fluids with pain medication, which they wondered why my vet had not given me the two times I was there yesterday. I asked them to call me if it looked like he was not going to make it. I kissed my good, good boy goodnight and told him how much I loved him and went home. They called at 5:35 to tell me that he was in cardiac arrest and they would keep doing CPR until I got there, which they did, but he was already gone.

I had woken up around 5:15 and it took a few seconds to remember that he wasn't home and I had not heard him drinking water or his nails as he roamed around which had been usual for the past few years. I had a picture in my mind of him standing in the cage, wagging his tail, and looking so much better before I closed my eyes again. Maybe he was telling me that he was okay now...I don't know. I hope so...I couldn't bring him home like I did with Lena, so they are taking care of his cremation, which will be private. I rubbed his ears and hugged him, cut some of his fur off (even though I knew there were clumps all over the house still, lol), and left my big beautiful boy to join his sister. I know Lee will be happy to see him, and he her. Cooper and Sibbie smelled my hands and arms when I got home, so I hope they realize that he's not coming home.

I thought I would take this better, but I miss him so much already...and here comes the guilt. Should I have stayed all night with him? Did I do enough? Should I have tried to find out why he's been panting so much? How many times did I get mad at him for so many stupid things? And again, the quiet is so, so loud...

Sleep comfortably, my big, beautiful boy. You know how much I loved you, and I know you you know that you were my boy, my guardian, my happy, good natured sous chef. I'll love you forever, Gabe...

Love, Mom

Oh Joan. My tears are flowing and my heart is with you. Please, please don’t believe that you did anything wrong because you absolutely did not. This was just his time to leave this world and rejoin Lena. You sensed it yesterday even though the vet did not. Your mother’s intuition knew, and you were right. And just like with Lena, I absolutely believe that your love was surrounding him no matter where he was and no matter where you were. His spirit knows you are always with him even though by last night his body was beyond the point of knowing. That is truly what I believe. He was letting you know yesterday that his time had come. Thank goodness you were listening with your mother’s heart so that you could love on him at home yesterday and then take him in for the pain killer overnight to ease any suffering. I’m betting his mind had already drifted away, lulled by the pain killer, when his dear heart gave out.

As closely bound as Gabe and Luna have become in my mind, I’m feeling as though Luna has lost a brother from across the miles. It makes me cry. I’ll go right now and add Gable to our memorial list — for sure, he’s one of our beloved Cush Angels now. I’m so sorry Joan. I have no words to tell you how sorry I truly am. I’ll be here to talk, any time at all.

Fare thee well, sweet Gable. Until we all meet again.
Love, Marianne

I feel the same way about Luna, just as I did with Peg.

Last night the tech said that with pancreatitis the dogs salivate a lot which was why it was just dripping from him, as well as pain. And I've been going over in my mind and realizing that even though he hasn't been drooling, he was always leaving saliva on the floor, couch, etc., licking his front paws where he would be resting his head. And the panting that I thought was Cushing's related, might've been pain...and of course I am kicking myself for not having it checked out. Maybe he would not have died this soon, although I knew it was coming.

I hate this....my poor boy.

If only they could talk!! Oddly enough, Luna’s been licking like crazy lately, too. Licks her legs, licks her crate, licks the carpet. We can’t figure out why. Her blood work was all normal last month. She’s also gone through periods of hypersalivation, too, sometimes even when she’s sleeping comfortably and soundly. It’s so strange. My best guess with Gable, though, is that his panting really was from Cushing’s as opposed to pain and that what happened now came up so quick and acute that you really couldn’t do anything about it. A younger dog might have had the strength to rebound, but this hit Gable so hard that his heart couldn’t handle it. I just don’t think there’s anything you could have done differently that would have really changed things for him.

But you got him the painkiller that he needed last night. That was probably the most important thing of all, to give him peace there at the end. I know you miss him so dearly, though. What a very, very good boy he was. I’ll be lighting a candle tonight, especially for him. Forever in our hearts.

Joan, I just wanted to come back and tell you that I’m not writing the stuff that I am just to make you feel better. I truly honestly think that you did everything you could have done under the circumstances that were thrown at you.

But if you’re like me, I’m also guessing that the questions and the guilt you’re feeling cannot be changed by anything anybody else says. They’re your genuine feelings and you need to be able to talk about them without worrying about what we think, one way or the other. You need to know that we’re truly hearing what you need to say. I *know* I made mistakes with Barkis. Hopefully fewer with Peg. And heaven only knows about Luna right now. But it’s always meant so much to me to be able to talk about both the good and the bad about what I’ve done here, to get if off my chest for myself. But no matter what, I did the best that I could at the time. And I know the same has always been true for you, too — mistakes or no mistakes. But for what it’s worth, again, I just want you to know that I think that it was Gable’s time, you did all I would have known to do, and you loved him dearly, and nothing is more important than that.

I know that, Marianne. When that thought came to me this morning, I felt like I should keep it to myself because I was afraid someone might say that it was my fault. But I knew that I would tell you here because I knew this is where I could. I miss him so much...I honestly didn't think it would hit me as hard as Lena's death did. I loved him as much, but it was different with her. I guess I just loved him as much in a different way.

It is so, so quiet. And I realized about an hour ago that we have not had to fill the water bowls all day, and that just made me start bawling again. I'm going to have to start locking the doors again because he was so big that no one would dare come into the house, even though he would never have bit anyone, but they wouldn't know that. I had all these recipes for snacks that I was going to make him because I knew he would love them...and now I just don't feel like making it for the rest of them. I still have frozen squash and watermelon balls in the freezer because he loved them so much; and I just boiled up two chicken breasts for him to eat while he was sick. Now I see them and cry.

My husband is even crying and all he ever did was complain about trying not to trip over him, or yelling that he was trying to kill him by constantly being under his feet (lol). Since he's been able to eat again, that's all he's been doing and Gable was right there with him. Any time he went into the kitchen no matter how quiet he tried to be, Gable heard him and sat and waited for the tidbits that he always gave him. I caught him going through his phone looking for pictures and crying. Jeremy is heartbroken because he didn't get to say goodbye. And I miss him so much.

Josh face-timed me this morning after he heard and said all the right things. I know he just wanted to see how I was. He was only 8 when Lee died and I think he only remembers me not being able to talk about her.

And Cooper keeps crying in his sleep, he's doing it now, and I wonder is it because of Gabe? He never did this before. Gable was the one who used to cry. I wish I knew what he had been dreaming about. I don't hear him breathing or his nails on the floor while he was dreaming or roaming at night trying to find a comfortable place to sleep, or the sound of him drinking, drinking, drinking...and I miss all of it.

I have a headache and my eyes hurt from crying and I just want to sleep and forget...just like I did with Lee. Good night, my darling boy. Kiss Lena for me.

Good night to you too, Marianne. You are and always have been a comfort to me.

Love, Joan

Another morning dawns, my friend, and I know it’s a tough one. Closing my eyes and sending you huge hugs from across the miles. I’ve just spent several minutes trying to Google a quote of comfort that I had seen a few days ago, before we all lost Gable. I thought at the time, I should write this down but I didn’t. I so wish I had because I can’t find it again this morning. But of all things, I did find this quote from “Winnie the Pooh.” It’s with a picture of Pooh holding Piglet’s hand:

Quote:

---

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

---

I’m guessing that lucky is nowhere near the first word that would have come to your mind today. But how lucky Gabe was to have you for his mom. How lucky we all are that Lena first brought you to us. And how lucky we also are that we’ve gotten to share Gabe’s journey with you ever since. Especially me. All through these last few challenging months with Luna, I’ve felt such a bond of support coming from you and Gable. It’s so hard this morning to say goodbye to him, but what a gift it has been to have him in our lives, and for that I feel both lucky and grateful.

Love, Marianne

That's very sweet, Marianne.

I'm still dealing with guilt...now I'm thinking that if I had brought him earlier, instead of listening to the vet who said all of his behavior was normal for a dog dealing with pancreatitis, that maybe the pain meds and fluids would have made him more comfortable and his poor, big, gentle heart wouldn't have given out.

I am so, so sad and can't stop crying. And I yelled at them all day Halloween for the barking and trying to get to the trick or treaters. I keep trying to think if anything was different that night before he started throwing up and I don't think there was. The only thing he ate that day besides regular food was a few pieces of waffle and a banana. The day before I made a buttermilk apple custard pie and he and I shared the two or three extra apples, which he always loved.

I just don't understand how it got so bad, so fast...my mind knows, but my heart still can't accept it.

Dearest Joan,

I am just now seeing this and I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Gable. We all can see how deeply he was loved and how lucky he was to have you as his Mom.

Please stop being so hard on yourself, I know this is easier said than done as I've gone through those woulda, coulda, shoulda, I believe any one that loses their furbaby goes through this as well.

I'm sending huge and loving hugs.

With Heartfelt Sympathy, Lori

Thank you, Lori...I know I keep saying that I can't believe how fast this happened, but thinking back it was the same with Lena. I guess maybe it always feels this way. I just wish I had brought him to the ER earlier that night, even if he died anyway he wouldn't have gone through as much pain as he was in. i am kicking myself for trusting the vet yet again, when my instincts were telling me otherwise.

The vet who had seen him on Monday called me yesterday when he heard, to offer his condolences, but it sounded more like he was making excuses for what he told me the day before when he saw him TWICE, about it being normal, and made it sound like it was my decision not to leave him there for overnight, which it was because they don't have anyone there at night, but he also said that the ER's would do it just to make money and that he didn't need it. He wasn't even Gable's normal vet, who I have not heard from AT ALL, which really pisses me off.

This is the second time that one of my dogs has died under their care after not paying attention to what I know about my dogs. It's my fault for not going with my instincts, but I am going to look around for another vet.

I'm so sad, and so mad at myself...

Thank you for listening to me vent (lol).

love, Joan

You're coming home tomorrow, my darling boy. They texted me tonight and I will come get you before I take Josh to the Halloween Parade.

I miss you terribly, Gabe. I keep listening for you panting and drinking. I am only using one of the two bowls for water and have only had to fill the bowl twice since you've been gone. The other I'm using for Cooper's food. I put your bowl, collar and leash away...I can't bear to see them right now. Cooper and Sibbie keep looking for you in all the places you were hiding the other day, but I think your scent is disappearing.

I can leave kibble down and it doesn't disappear, we aren't stepping over you, you aren't laying in front of the oven in the kitchen, I don't wake up hearing you drinking, drinking, drinking then heading for the back door to go out to pee, and when I take my shower, you aren't laying there on the floor waiting for me anymore. All of this makes me so sad.

I got a card from the ER with something special written by everyone who was there that night, which was so nice. And a card from Brookville signed "Dr. Kraznov and staff"...that one went right in the garbage. Childish, I know, but I am still so pissed off at them.

Good night my big, beautiful boy and my angel Lee...I miss you both and love you with all my heart.

Mommy

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge hugs flying up to you on this morning that I hope will bring you at least a bit of peace, Joan.

Your Angel is coming home.

Love, Marianne

I took Sibbie with me to go pick up Gable's ashes. Before we left I took her for a quick walk. On the grass was a white feather. I have seen white feathers ever since Lena died, so I thought it was from Lena letting me know that he was with her and okay. Then as I was driving, I realized all the feathers that I have always found were small. This was a big white feather and I think (and hope) that it was either Gable letting me know, or Lena letting me know it was for him, and he was okay. When we got home I went back and got it. I'll put it with the ones that I have saved from Lena.

Oh I hope it was exactly that!! A perfect sign from your Angel babies, together once again and forever…

Oh, Marianne...

I do so hope that Luna pulls out of this. I know how worried you must be and I know how stressful it is to be watching for every little sign.

I can't seem to cry anymore. I feel like I'm going to, but the tears just won't come. Josh was here again yesterday. Called me early and asked if he could come over. He walked here (they only live a couple of blocks away). He, Sibbie and I went looking for bargains at a barn sale. Then he played in the playground there that was enclosed so we let Sibbie run around and play with him. I got some really nice pictures. Next time we'll bring Cooper so he can run around too. He seems really lonely without Gabe and was trembling yesterday when he knew we were leaving. I keep telling him that he's the man of the house now...

Then Josh, Sibbie and I took a ride to Morgan Park, which is on the beach, where there's a new food stand. We got some hot chocolate, Sibbie had whipped cream, and just sat and talked while we watched the waves. He keeps trying to cheer me up...telling me the bright side (no more pills; no more getting up in the middle of the night to let him out; less poop to pick up; food and vet bills will be lower). It doesn't help, but I let him think it did. We were waiting for the owner to finish making the soups for the day because Josh wanted some. He got potato and bacon. We went back home and him and Sibbie both fell asleep before dinner...LOL, too much fresh air!

After dinner we drove around to see if anyone had started decorating for Xmas, or if there were anymore Halloween decorations still up. And we sang Xmas carols the whole time before I took him home.

Honestly, I was happy to have the distraction and a reason to get out. It is too quiet in the house without my big, beautiful boy. The silence makes me so sad...

I'm going to start walking Sibbie and Cooper around the neighborhood. Maybe they will both get over their aversion to other dogs. I couldn't do it when Gable was alive because I couldn't walk all three and he couldn't make it too far with all the weakness in his back legs. I wouldn't take them without him because he would've wanted to come and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I wish I had taken him to Jeremy's at least once, but Jeremy has a huge staircase to climb and I just didn't think he would be able to get up them as many times as he would need to going out to pee.

I have so many regrets, just like with Lena. I know it will get easier...but Halloween will be forever ruined. It's only been six days, but it feels like yesterday and also so long ago...weird.

Many, many hugs to you. I wish we lived closer to each other. Give Luna a big hug and kisses from me. Gable would have loved her...

Love,
Joan

One week today, my darling boy. I still can't believe it. As soon as I think about you being gone, my head starts shaking "no", it can't be. Then my heart starts to hurt and I know that it is. I went food shopping today and almost everything I bought made me think of you...bananas, pears, carrots, celery, chopped meat, sour cream, and ice cream. Making dinner tonight all I could think of was how you were always at my feet and I would peel extra carrots for you and cut up extra celery because you loved it all, my sous chef.

Juan was here yesterday and was shocked that you had died. I swear he was going to cry. You loved being outside on Mondays when he came to work. You were his buddy and I used to hear him talking to you as you followed him around the yard. I don't understand what happened...

But Lena must be happy that you're with her even if I'm sad that you're gone. Now I miss the both of you and will be counting down the weeks again like I did after she left us. I love you both...I love all of you that are there, too many to mention. I'm just not used to missing you yet. I love you now and forever, just like Lee, Gable.

Mommy

Still thinking of you every day, Joan. And Gable too. We’ll never forget your dearest big boy. Forever in our hearts…

Love, Marianne

I still can't believe you're gone, Gabe...it is so, so quiet and I miss you so much. I keep thinking that it's all a mistake, and I just want to sleep. When Lee died you were my comfort, my couch buddy and you kept me warm and watched over me while I cried and slept. Cooper and Sibbie cuddle with me, but I don't think they know why I'm so sad. Cooper is crying in his sleep a lot. I think he's lonely without you so I hold him until he stops.

I miss your big happy face and sweetness. I miss tripping over you in the kitchen and in the bathroom when I get out of the shower. I still wake up in the middle of the night listening for you, then I can't get back to sleep wondering what happened and what I might've done to change it. Even though I knew it would happen, I can't believe it did.

I know that Lena, Andee and Tem are happy to have you with them, but I still want all of you back with me.

Goodnight, my sweet babies. I think of you every day and miss you with all my heart...

Love,
Mommy

It was not easy cleaning the broccoli rabe without you today, Gabe. I missed you terribly while peeling the stringy parts off of the stems and sharing the way we used to. Sibbie had some, but I threw most of them away. It just made me sadder. I had nobody to trip over in the kitchen and that just made me cry...I miss you my beautiful boy. I am still not used to the quiet...and tomorrow I'm roasting butternut squash, which you loved...another difficult Thanksgiving. But Josh is so looking forward to it so I'm going to have to smile and pretend just like I've been doing since Lena died...

Mommy loves you all....

Josh and I went to Jeremy's for an after Thanksgiving Thanksgiving since he couldn't bring Charlie here because Sibbie hates him. I was fine until I was sitting on the floor with Charlie and put my arms around him, then the tears came. I used to hold you like that, especially when you got out and I had to sit and hold you until someone came to help me get you home. I just held on and cried. He's such a good boy and just stayed still and let me...maybe he could feel your presence and knew I needed it.

I love you, Gabe...

Mommy

Dear Joan,

Having been offline for a bit I missed this completely. My heart is shattered reading your posts. You did everything you could so please don't beat yourself up. Sweet Gabe had a great life with you as his mom and caretaker all these years. And I know he left this life of the wings of the love you shared. Today his pain is gone and he is running and playing with Lena and Phoenix as well as his new friends from here. Please be good to yourself now especially....Gabe would want that as do we.

My deepest sympathies,
Leslie

Thank you, Leslie...I miss him so much. And I know that I'll never really know what happened no matter how many times I go over those two days in my head. Even food shopping is painful! I walked into the produce section yesterday and saw the little mandarin oranges that he loved and I started to cry. I couldn't even buy them for myself...

I know it will get easier. I talked to one of my closest ex-coworkers today and she said that this last year and a half must've made him very happy having me home with him and that if I had still been working like I was when Lena died, that I would have been just as guilt-ridden as I was then....she knows me so well (lol).

Your words are always so comforting, Leslie. I don't know how I ever could have handled this without all of you.

Love,
Joan

Oh I understand that grocery store business for sure. The last batches of food I cooked for Squirt and for Trinket are still in my freezer...I simply can't throw them out. For a long time after Squirt passed buying fresh sweet potatoes resulted in a breakdown in the produce section of Kroger. I didn't care. Just being out of the house was a major accomplishment at that point. I'm still apt to start crying this time of year in the meat section when all the turkeys come out and in the toy section of WalMart when the Holiday Barbies come out. It's ok. That just shows how deep the love is, how real it is, how very important it is to who and what we have become and will become as we learn daily how to grow with it.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))

Yes, I've still got watermelon and butternut squash balls in my freezer that he loved. Cooper likes them, too, but I just can't bring myself to share them, yet...even though Gable never minded sharing. I was going through my texts yesterday looking for something Jeremy had sent me that he wanted for Xmas and there was my text to him telling him that Gable had just died...jeez did that start me crying.

Hugs right back at you, Leslie!

Marianne, could you put the picture of Gable under the boxwood looking straight at me in the memorial thread, please? I just realized we forgot to do that. It's in his album...

Of course! It’s all taken care of, and what a perfect, sweet picture it is! Thank you so much for sharing it with us, my friend.

Huge hugs coming your way,
Marianne

Two months today, Gabe...Christmas was so different. You were not underfoot in the kitchen; did not get to open any presents; didn't get to see Charlie here having his first Christmas breakfast with us; and missed your favorite prime rib dinner. I thought about you and Lee watching from Heaven and hoped you were both happier than I was. I love you and miss you both. The ornament I got for you is a picture of you when you were young, muscular and healthy, and Lena, yours is the one of you and Doree sitting in front of the fireplace together watching the flames...I have always loved that one.

Mommy loves you always and forever....

Giant hugs, Joan! On this winter morning, thinking of you and your angels, knowing how dearly you miss them.

Their K9C family misses them, too. Forever in our memories ~ Forever in our hearts.

Love, Marianne

I heard Brick coming down the hall at his normal breakneck speed and looked up so happy to see him...then remembered. It's so hard when we love them so very much.
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