Just found out Aggie has cushings-sweet Aggie has passed

[Bonnie0420]

Hi everyone,
Thankful I found this forum, My beautiful baby girl is a 7 1/2 yr old British black lab. We just found out that she has cushings and is suspected to be in her adrenal glands.
I know nothing as this and it's iway over my head. I'm trying to research and find out as much information as possible.
We do not have her test results so I can't share any of that information with you at this time.
We noticed a change in her about 8 months ago, she kept getting "bacterial infections" causing horrible diarrhea and we thought the reason was, she thinks bunny poop is a "treat"!!
Fast forward a month or so and she was drinking HUGH amounts of water, she has never had an accident in the house but was always thirsty, called the vet again and asked they check her for diabetes, they did, it was negative. They changed her food to royal canine gastrointestinal something, and she started gaining weight, way to much weight and drinking more. They did more test, suggested we continue the food, finally I threw a fit and said something is wrong with her, she just isn't right. I KNOW MY DOG! Don't get me wrong I really like our vet and I think she was trying to just take it one step at a time but I did research and all symptoms were pointing to cushings.
she set up a test to check thyroid and also they gave her a shot and drew blood every 4 hours. 2 days later got the call and she gave all this information about the test etc etc. said she suspected it was adrenal cushings and wanted Aggie to go to a specialist for an ultra sound. what really freaked me out was she said she thought they would be able to get her I right away for the US and then do the surgery maybe in the same week!!! IM TOTALLY FREAKED OUT NOW!! US is schedule for this coming Wednesday but surgery? Is there no other option first? My head is spinning I have NO clue what to ask, what to expect, or why she pushed for surgery this fast, or am I mistaken?
Sorry this is so long but trying to give as much information as I can cause I don't have a clue..
Symptoms in Aggie, excessive thrist, Always hungry, needs to potty all the time, huge belly, panting and at times labored/fast breathing. She is overweight now by about 10lbs, she is at 67.5lbs. (Ideal for British labs is about 55lbs) her coat is still beautiful but I do notice white patches on her back legs, she is still her little wiggle butt self and loves to give affection....
Thanks for listening

[LauraA]

Sounds like they are saying her tumour is on the adrenal gland and that is causing the Cushing symptoms. Have you had a scan of some sort of ultrasound to confirm this? If the tumour is indeed on the adrenal gland then your dog may be a canditate for surgery to have it removed. They will need to know where the tumour is and if it has invaded other organs etc before deciding to go ahead.

Here are some links to dogs that have had this surgery - adrenalectomy.
http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4242&highlight=adrenalectomy

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6731&highlight=adrenalectomy

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6899&highlight=adrenalectomy

Start with that last link first as it has a great section from one of the members about what to ask the surgeons/specialist.

[Bonnie0420]

She is scheduled for the ultrasound this coming Wednesday. Thank you for the links I will check them out. I guess I was just taken aback by the vet saying do the US then schedule the surgery. And I will figure out a way to do it but does anyone have any idea of what this costs? I know the US is about $400.00 but the surgery? And they don't take payment plans so I have to figure that out as well.

[LauraA]

I am sure those members that have had it done will be along to give you tips and give you an estimation of cost. If it is on the adrenal glad and non invasive she is young enough to be able to be able handle it. There may be indication of pricing in those threads - if not do a search on here and look up adrenalectomy and there may be something there.

[Harley PoMMom]

Hi and welcome to you and your girl!

Sounds like your girl had the low-dose dexamethasone suppression (LDDS) test performed. This excerpt explains how this test works:
When given dexamethasone, the dog's pituitary gland will perceive that there is a steroid and shut off its stimulatory message to the adrenal glands. In the normal animal, this means that a drop in blood cortisol level will be seen 8 hours after a tiny dose of dexamethasone is given intravenously. http://www.veterinarypartner.com/Content.plx?A=636&

However with an adrenal tumor usually no suppression is seen on the LDDS test.

If you could get copies of her most recent CBC/chemistry blood panel and post those results that would be great! We only need to see those values that are abnormal along with the references ranges and reporting units...as an example: ALT 150 U/L (5-50)...thanks! When you receive those LDDS test results please post them too.

If the dog has a functional adrenal tumor and is a good surgical candidate, an adrenalectomy could be a complete cure. However, this type of surgery requires a very skilled and experienced board certified surgeon.

If an adrenalectomy is not an option then the two medications generally prescribed for Cushing's, Mitotane/Lysodren and Vetoryl/Trilostane, can be used for the adrenal or pituitary type of Cushing's.

I have no experience with adrenal tumors either but we do have members with dogs that have had successful adrenalectomies. Trish is one of our members, whose dog, Flynn, has gone through an adrenalectomy and she made a list of questions for people who are contemplating this type of surgery for their dog, here's that list:
Part I - Questions to ask when considering if surgery is an option for your dog’s adrenal tumour:
1. What type of tumour do you suspect, ?functional, ?non-functional, pheochromocytoma, benign, metastatic
2. Expected life span for my dog in a normal situation. If your dog is close to, at or past his expected lifespan for his breed is surgery going to be of any benefit?
3. Prognosis for my dog if we treated medically i.e. with Cushings medications. AND if we do not proceed with surgery how long do you think it would be before the tumour started adversely affecting his quality of life?
4. If he is miserable now, does the benefit of potentially risky surgery outweigh his current quality of life?
5. Are there any other health problems that could impact on a positive surgical outcome, for example: if your dog is overweight or has heart, BP, liver, kidney or lung conditions
6. Is there any sign of tumour spread – imaging should be done, including ultrasound and on advice of specialists either CT or MRI to check whether there is local invasion around the tumour, into blood vessels including vena cava or spread further away in the body to lungs etc
7. Surgeon recommendations – would he/she do it for their own dog?
8. Psychological impact for the owner: It is important to understand this is risky surgery, sadly current guidelines indicate 1:5 dogs do not make it, and some recommendations are not even that high. Can you accept it if your dogs dies during or in the postoperative recovery period surgery? This is where it is important to weigh up whether the benefit of your dog being fully cured is worth the risk of possibly losing him.
9. Financially – can you afford it? Find out estimate of costs.
10. Hopefully this will not happen, but if your dog collapses, e.g his heart stops either during his surgery or afterwards what emergency measures should be undertaken, do you want your dog to have CPR, how far are you (the owner) willing to go for your dog to be saved in such circumstances

Part II - Surgery has been recommended as treatment for your dogs adrenal tumour, here are a few suggestions on what questions you should ask your surgeon:
1. Are you board certified? How many operations of this type have you done? What complications have you experienced? What were the outcomes?
2. Please explain to me how you will do the surgery, which part would likely give you the most trouble? Will you be doing the actual surgery or a resident in a teaching situation? If so, is their close supervision?
3. Will there be a specialist anaesthetist available for the surgery?
4. If it hasn’t been done, do we need a CT/MRI scan to look at the tumour more closely to check for vena cava involvement or any other tumour spread?
5. What are the risks associated with this surgery, including
• Bleeding (including trauma to blood vessels or other organs during surgery)
• clots
• Blood pressure or heart problems such as arrhythmias
• pancreatitis
• pneumonia
• kidney failure
• infection
• wound problems
• bowel problems
• anaesthetic risks
• adrenal insufficiency or electrolyte abnormalities
• death (sorry but you have to ask that risk too)
6. If we proceed with surgery does my dog need preoperative treatment with Cushing’s meds, antihypertensive if high blood pressure is a problem – phenoxybenzamine recommended preoperatively for dogs with pheochromocytoma, anticoagulants or anything else?
7. How will you treat to prevent clots postoperatively?
8. What would you do if you found anything else during the surgery i.e. nodules in other organs e.g. spleen, opposite adrenal, liver, kidney. Would you remove them and what are the risks associated when doing additional abdominal surgery together with adrenalectomy
9. How long will it take and when will you contact me so I know all is OK, when can I visit after surgery?
10. How will the postoperative period go, how long would you anticipate he would need to stay in hospital? How will we manage pain?
11. What monitoring would be needed, e.g. heart monitoring, oxygen levels in the postoperative period
12. If your dog has an adrenocortical tumour affecting cortisol production will he need to be on steroids following surgery and for how long?
13. If there are problems when I take him home, who do I contact? Hopefully the surgical team until all is stable.

I am sure Trish will swing by and share her advice and knowledge. If you have any questions at all please do not hesitate to ask.

Hugs, Lori

[Bonnie0420]

I'm sorry I sound so stupid this is all so new to me and I don't know how to ask for specific information from my Vet. I was going to call them and ask if I could get the results from all of her "tests" so that I might be able to share them with you. I see all sorts of abbreviations with numbers that others have posted. But what am I specifically asking for?

[judymaggie]

Hi, Aggie's Mom! We have all been where you are so please try not to feel like you are the only one who doesn't know/understand the ins and outs. You are entitled to copies of all of Aggie's test results -- you are the one who paid for them! When you call the vet's office, ask for a copy of all of the lab results. My vet's office will fax them to me or provide me with hard copies to pick up. Some offices that are more computer savvy will scan and e-mail them.

It will look like a foreign language -- we will help you interpret everything. The results that we are interested in seeing is everything that has either a "High or "H" or a "Low" or "L" next to the line of numbers.

In my Abbie's lab results, the first column contains the name of the tests, the second column has the results, the third column has the reference range and the fourth column has the units so one line may look like this:

Alk Phosphatase 151 (High) 5-131 U/L

or

Glucose 65 (Low) 70-138 mg/dl


Since each laboratory has its own reference ranges, it is important to include that information. I find the easiest way to post the results is to type them into my post. That way I can pick out the "highs" and "lows" and ignore the rest.

Every time Aggie has any kind of test, you will want to ask for a copy of the results, including the ultrasound. The hospital where I take Abbie for her ultrasounds provides me with a full report before I leave.

Hang in there -- you are doing great just by being here and asking questions!

[Harley PoMMom]

You are not stupid, not at all, ok? Cushing's is a complicated disease and it does take time for one to wrap their head around it.

A CBC/chemistry blood panel, and it may be known as a senior wellness or geriatric panel, is performed by drawing blood which is analyzed. With the chemistry blood panel, it evaluates organ function, electrolyte status, and hormone levels.

The CBC gives information on hydration status, anemia, infection, the blood’s clotting ability, and the ability of the immune system to respond. Here's a link that explains some of those abbreviations seen on the CBC/chemistry panel: http://www.goingtothedogs.org/doghealth/understanding_lab_results_dog.htm

An urinalysis is usually done along with those blood panels, an urinalysis consists of getting an urine sample and having it analyzed for infections, blood, stones, PH, and the USG (urine specific gravity).

So, you'll be asking the vet for copies of Aggie's CBC/chemistry blood panel, urinalysis, and the results from that low-dose dexamethasone suppression (LDDS) test.

Now, do not be afraid to ask for these copies from the vet, you have paid for them, and by law, they do have to give them to you, however they may charge for copies. You can do this!!!

If you have any more questions please do not hesitate to ask them. ;)

Hugs, Lori

[Trish]

Hi Aggie's Mom!

Such a had time arriving at these diagnosis! But good on you, for persisting and getting to the bottom of Aggie's problems.

If the LDDS is pointing towards adrenal cushings then the ultrasound is definitely the way to go. After that you will be able to speak to the IMS and surgeon about the best way forward. My dog had an adrenalectomy 2yrs 5months ago now and has done brilliantly despite needing a liver resection a year after his adrenal surgery. I am very pleased I had it done. If this is in fact an adrenal tumour then it is most likely adrenocortical with all the symptoms Aggie is displaying. About half of those tumours are malignant. If surgery is not the preferred option then the cushings drugs can be used to control symptoms. Unfortunately in most cases this does not get rid of the tumour. My dogs tumour was not one of these and he had negative cushings test. But he was very symptomatic with high BP affecting his eyes and kidneys so it had to come out. I was not prepared to only treat medically. But we are all different, but from my perspective the risks to him were greater if we did not do surgery. I was a nervous wreck, but everyone here helped me through it.

I am pleased Lori posted the list of questions for you to take on Wednesday. Do not feel pressured to proceed until you can get your head around it and speak to these experts. Come back here with any questions and I will keep an eye on your thread. There is also a dog on the FB group that had a bilateral adrenalectomy a couple of weeks back and is doing fine! I have posted a few links on adrenal tumours below. :)

http://www.vsso.org/index.php/9-education-1/education/287-adrenal-cortical-tumor
http://www.experts.scival.com/reachnc/pubDetail.asp?t=pm&id=42829116&o_id=115&
http://www.experts.scival.com/reachnc/pubDetail.asp?t=pm&id=42829116&o_id=115&
https://histovetsdhv.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/adrenal-tumor.pdf
http://www.vetsurgerycentral.com/oncology_adrenal_tumors.html

[Bonnie0420]

Below was all done on Mar 25th

Lab Results

Free T4 Eduilibrium Dialysis
Result 10.7 pmol/L
Range 8.000 - 40.000 pmol/L

TSH
Result 0.02 ng/mL
Range 0.000 - 0.600 ng/mL

T4 (below normal)
Result 0.5 ug/dL
Range 0.800 - 3.500 ug/dL

Cortisold Sample 1
result 3.7 ug/dL
range 1.000 - 5.000 ug/dL

Cortisold Sample 2 Dex (above normal)
result 3.6 ug/dL
Range 0.000 - 1.400 ug/dL

Cortisol Sample 3 Dex (above normal)
Result 4.4 ug/dL
range 0.000 - 1.400 ug/dL

Below was done on Feb 13th

Creatinine
result 86.9 mg/dL (no other info)

Protine
Result 402.1 mg/dL (no other info)

Urine/Protine Creatinie Ration (above normal
result 4.6
range <0.5

Feb 12th
fecal "other" eggs , blood tapeworms coccidia Oocysts Girarida, whipworm roundworm etca all negative

Jan 7th below was done

Creatinine
result 54.1 mg/dL no range given

protein
result 141.7 mg/dL no range given

Urine/Protein Creatinine Ration (above normal)
result 2.6 (result on Mar 25th is 4.6 so this has gotten worse?)
range <0.5

Jan 6th lab work

Hematocrit (hct) normal

Hemoglobin (HGB) (Normal)

MCH (above normal)
result 25.540 pg (this number was 25.740 back in sept)
range 19.500 - 24.500 pg

MCV (normal) above normal back in Sept 73.000 fl
MPV (normal)
RBC normal
RDW normal

WBC (below normal)
result 5.640 10^3/
Range 6.000 - 17.000 10^3

Urine cast negative
Urine Crystals negative

Urine Bacteria (Positive)
result 0.000

Urine Epithelial Cells negative
Urine RBC (Positive)

Bilitubin (Above Normal)
result 1.000 mb/dl
range 0.000 - 0.900 mg/dl

there is tons more and I dont know what you all are looking for, so thats some of what has been done since the first of the year!!
hope this helps and someone can explain more of what Im looking at!

Thank you all again....and I will try and make shorter posts!! :)

[Amanda's Mom]

Hi Aggie's Mom. I know this is all very scary but there are great people here to help you and they can provide a wealth of information. My baby had an adrenal tumor. She was not yet showing signs of Cushings and we didn't pursue testing because the bottom line was, the tumor was there and growing. I k we that even if it was a benign, non secreting tumor it would eventually become locally invasive. So I made the decision to remove it ASAP before it became more difficult to remove and while Amanda's health was stable. The tumor was discovered during routine ultrasound. You will know more when Aggie has the ultrasound and they know if there is in fact an adrenal tumor and if so the size, location, etc.

I am not very useful as far as interpreting lab results because we weren't worrying about them for a diagnosis. I do know thyroid can cause pot belly, thinning coat, sluggishness, weight gain, increased thirst and urination. But also, these can be signs of Cushings.

If you get the ultrasound results and it is an adrenal tumor I will be appy to chime in with my two cents. I agonized over my decision but it was 100% right and went perfectly. I had an incredible surgeon and internist for Amanda and we did all we could to help this go smoothly. I don't regret it for a moment! Hang in there and know so many wonderful people are here to support you and Aggie and help you during this very complex and frightening time.

Big Hugs!!
Amanda's Mom

[Bonnie0420]

Thank you Amanda Mom for th words of encouragement, I truly appreciate it

Hugs and sweet puppy kisses to you both

[Amanda's Mom]

I'm sure this whole thing feels like its snowballing and you can hardly process it all. The ultrasound can tell you if there is an adrenal tumor and if so where and how big and if it has become invasive. Definitely important that the surgeon is very experienced in adrenal tumors and that there is good support from internist monitoring pre and post op care.

Hugs to you and kisses on the nose to Aggie!!

Amanda's Mom

[Harley PoMMom]

Below was all done on Mar 25th

Lab Results

Free T4 Eduilibrium Dialysis
Result 10.7 pmol/L
Range 8.000 - 40.000 pmol/L

TSH
Result 0.02 ng/mL
Range 0.000 - 0.600 ng/mL

T4 (below normal)
Result 0.5 ug/dL
Range 0.800 - 3.500 ug/dL

This is a mini thyroid panel: The T4 is the abbreviation for thyroxine, which is a hormone that regulates the body’s metabolic rate and is produced naturally by the thyroid gland.

If the T4 is low than the Free T4 is looked at. Here's an explanation of T4:
T4 is present in two forms in the body. The "bound" form is attached to proteins in the blood and is unable to enter the cells. The "free" T4 is not attached to proteins, and can readily enter the cells and perform its function. The free T4 is normally present in very small amounts. A special laboratory test - equilibrium dialysis - has been designed that can quite precisely measure free T4. http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?c=2+2097&aid=449

TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone):
This blood test measures the amount of TSH in the bloodstream. In a hypothyroid dog, the level will be elevated because the body is trying to stimulate the thyroid gland to produce more thyroid hormone. If the Baseline T4 and Free T4 by Equilibrium Dialysis are low and the TSH is elevated, a diagnosis of hypothyroidism can be made. http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?c=2+2097&aid=449

A good number of dogs with Cushing's will have low thyroid values. This does not mean they have primary hypothyroidism, it means that high levels of cortisol temporarily effect thyroid hormones which normalize once the underlying cause (Cushing's) has been addressed. This temporary condition is called sick euthyroid syndrome



Cortisold Sample 1
result 3.7 ug/dL
range 1.000 - 5.000 ug/dL

Cortisold Sample 2 Dex (above normal)
result 3.6 ug/dL
Range 0.000 - 1.400 ug/dL

Cortisol Sample 3 Dex (above normal)
Result 4.4 ug/dL
range 0.000 - 1.400 ug/dL

These look like the results from a LDDS (low-dose dexamethasone suppression) test, which is used to diagnose Cushing's. Aggie's LDDS test results do point Cushing's, but they do not differentiate between the pituitary or the adrenal form of Cushing's.



Below was done on Feb 13th

Creatinine
result 86.9 mg/dL (no other info)

Protine
Result 402.1 mg/dL (no other info)

Urine/Protine Creatinie Ration (above normal
result 4.6
range <0.5

These are results from an UPC (urine protein:creatinine ratio), and is a test that measures how much protein is lost through the urine.



Jan 7th below was done

Creatinine
result 54.1 mg/dL no range given

protein
result 141.7 mg/dL no range given

Urine/Protein Creatinine Ration (above normal)
result 2.6 (result on Mar 25th is 4.6 so this has gotten worse?)
range <0.5

This another UPC test, and yes that 4.6 is high, however many things can cause elevations in the UPC.


Jan 6th lab work

Hematocrit (hct) normal

Hemoglobin (HGB) (Normal)

MCH (above normal)
result 25.540 pg (this number was 25.740 back in sept)
range 19.500 - 24.500 pg

MCV (normal) above normal back in Sept 73.000 fl
MPV (normal)
RBC normal
RDW normal

WBC (below normal)
result 5.640 10^3/
Range 6.000 - 17.000 10^3

These results look like they are from a CBC blood panel, and truthfully, are not what is usually seen in a cushdog.


Urine cast negative
Urine Crystals negative

Urine Bacteria (Positive)
result 0.000

Urine Epithelial Cells negative
Urine RBC (Positive)

Bilitubin (Above Normal)
result 1.000 mb/dl
range 0.000 - 0.900 mg/dl

These levels are from an urinalysis, with the positive beside the Urine Bacteria (Positive), looks like there may be an infection (UTI possibly.)



there is tons more and I dont know what you all are looking for, so thats some of what has been done since the first of the year!!
hope this helps and someone can explain more of what Im looking at!

Thank you all again....and I will try and make shorter posts!! :)

Any thing else that is marked abnormal is what we need to see. And there is no need in trying to make your posts shorter, we love details. ;)

Hugs, Lori

[Bonnie0420]

Good evening everyone, I have a question, actually 2. Frost from time to time we give Aggie a lose dose of generic benedryl for a weepy eye and also when it storms, her eye was really bad yesterday with all the pollen and without thinking I gave her some, what I did notice was she really relax and her breathing was so much more normal, some panting but not as much and she did rest really well last night....thoughts? Comments?
Also, trying to be pro active but should we Change her diet? She is on royals canine gastrointestinal (again, she thinks bunny poop is a treat and had caused issues)

Thanks everyone you all are a godsend

Bonnie

[judymaggie]

Hi, Bonnie! Someone will come along and move your post to join your original thread but, in the meantime, will give you my thoughts. Benedryl can definitely make a dog drowsy and relaxed so not surprised Aggie had that reaction. It is often a first choice to try for dogs who have anxiety.

I would have to go back and check your thread again but, if Aggie is in the middle of other treatments, then it might not be a good time to change foods. I give Abbie canned Royal Canin Low Fat (one of their gastro foods) mixed in with her regular food and use it as a pill cover-up.

[Bonnie0420]

We are doing nothing at this point as she has just been diagnosed. I just wanted to make sure that if I give her Benadryl it won't have any adverse effects. Since she is not takings any medications at this point, I just again wanted to make sure this wouldn't hurt her. It's the generic low dose 4 hour pills and we give her 2 which is what I did last night. It was just so nice to see her relaxed and seeming to be more comfortable, as I she was SO comfortable she wouldn't move in "our" bed and I slept in the other room!! Lol. I'd sleep on the floor if she rested comfortably!! Thanks for the input and I apologize I didn't know where to pose the question..

[Bonnie0420]

Another question, anytime I have a question should I always keep it inmy original thread when I first posted? Just trying to follow rules...thank you

[labblab]

Hi Bonnie,

Yep, we ask people to keep all their questions relating to their dog in their original thread. This way, it's much easier for us to keep track of all the history and treatment decisions. ;)

No need to apologize; it was easy for me to go ahead and combine your postings. :)

Marianne

[judymaggie]

Bonnie--as Marianne said, definitely no reason to apologize! In addition to learning about Cushing's, we also have to figure out how to navigate a new forum.

When my Abbie's cortisol was uncontrolled, she definitely showed a higher level of anxiety. You may be seeing that with Aggie and why she seemed more relaxed after being given benedryl. You might want to mention this to your vet the next time you speak to him/her and see if they think it would help Aggie get a better night's sleep. (Although maybe you could get Aggie to sleep in the other room! ;) ). In the meantime I don't think a low dose at night could hurt anything. When Abbie's allergies were bad, she got it 2-3 times a day. This was during treatment with Lysodren, taking pepcid, flagyl, probiotics and S-Adenosyl and there were no concerns from my vet.

Curious why you are thinking about changing foods ...

[Bonnie0420]

Im not ready to change food for her but didn't know if maybe we SHOULD change, if there are other foods out there that would be better for her, in dealing with the cushings....to give her more of what she is lacking that her body may be expelling due to the cushings.... I just want to make sure that she is getting the proper nourishment that she needs.

and thanks for making me feel better about the Benadryl and I will double check with the Vet.

As for Aggie sleeping in the other room....as we Midwesterners would say....THAT AINT HAPPENING!! lol Shes a brat, we actually had to buy the king size bed because she insisted on sleeping with us...!! (hummm can you tell she pretty much rules the roost so to speak!! LOL

[molly muffin]

LOL Yep, Aggie rules! LOL I totally get that as our little molly muffin runs our house too. She is only 18lbs and can take up most of a king size bed. Beats me how she does it but she does it well. LOL

What you really want to be careful of is not giving her too high of fat content. Moderation is the key.

A good joint supplement, some liver supplements, like denamarin, maybe an omega 3, those could be added in.

[Bonnie0420]

What you really want to be careful of is not giving her too high of fat content. Moderation is the key.

A good joint supplement, some liver supplements, like denamarin, maybe an omega 3, those could be added in.

So is this something I can get from the vet or health food store or????? As we all know all the meds, possible surgery (if needed) all the test, etc is expensive, and trust me I will do what I have to do but, I still as everyone else i still have to watch the finances...:o

[molly muffin]

yep, we all have to watch finances. Amazon, chewy.com, etc all have these kind of things and you can check various places online for the best prices. Vets are usually the most expensive. I only get supplements from a vet if they give me the same price I can get online or it is something I can't find easily online. Most I get online though. Only one I get from vet, is for eyes, due to some molly specific eye issues.

[Bonnie0420]

Thanks Sharlene and Molly Muffin,
I think I'm almost overloading on all of this, we still have to wait for her ultrasound on wed to see exactly what's up and where we stand on all of this, but I just can't stop reading and reading and reading and wondering...the one really bit of good news is did get today is that Aggie is scheduled with the top surgeon..apparently he overseas the other practices In our area. I'm still armed with my question list you wonderful people have helped supply me.
I as everyone else on here still just look at this beautiful baby girl of mine and cry, it's just so unfair that a creature that gives such unconditional love can be sick. You wonder did we do something wrong, did she have symptoms that we just ignored and now it worse cause we didnt pay enough attention to her.
I'm becoming the MAD woman of the house I won't let her do stairs to go out back and go potty, she goes out the front door, to heck with the grass, my poor husband said yesterday, "honey for now it's ok but when the weather gets warmer, all the pee will burn the grass!" Not a good thing, I said well that why we have a garden hose and we can water the area down after she goes, he saw the look on,u face and just said, ok honey.
I'm letting her have as much water as she wants, I don't care how many times we have to go out to potty....it's like all of a sudden, I'm CRAZY and don't dad tell me she can't do what she wants to do!!! Reading, crying, reading, crying...this just SUCKS...
I'm not the only one out there and there are so many of us that are new to this whole things....from the bottom of my heart and Aggies, thank you for giving us a place to ask questions and not feel stupid, vent, cry and share

Wiht much love and sweet puppy kisses, Aggie and I Thank you ALL

Bonnie///Aggies Mom!!

[molly muffin]

Oh you know I still cry sometimes. It does seem unfair.

You'll know more after the ultrasound.

Supplements like I mentioned I would do for any dog once they start getting older.
It's funny. My Molly luckily I can pick up and she gets a lift upstairs at night but don't tell her she needs carried downstairs. She'll run to try to escape being picked up. She also goes upstairs when she wants to also. Lol.

We are thrilled you found us!
Hugs

[Harley PoMMom]

Hi Bonnie,

When I first joined here I was such a mess, so I can relate being on system overload. This forum was a Godsend for me, the support I received was amazing.

We totally understand that Cushing's is indeed a complicated disease to grasp. I was so confused and scared when I came here, however, knowledge is power so I began to educate myself about Cushing's and with this gained knowledge my fear lessened.

Bonnie, you and dear Aggie are family now, and we will do any thing we can to help.

Hugs, Lori

[Budsters Mom]

Okay, now for the TRUTH!!! We all ALL CRAZY!!! Some more than others , but crazy, none the less! :D This disease has made us so. Sooooooo embrace your craziness. You are in good company! :D:D:D

Kathy

[Bonnie0420]

I just love you all...thank you so much for allowing me vent, cry, ask questions, or know what I'm asking or saying but helping me to get there!! Tomorrow is Aggies ultrasound so we should find out hopefully more of what we are dealing with then..pituitary or adrenal ...and I'm jumping to conclusions...but...should they say it's adrenal, depending on whatbtheynsee, is it wrong for me to say I want to try meds first before we do Surgery? Of course I get it if she is in a life threatening situation however, I'mmmmmmm. Ok I'm just going to say it, I don't know if I want her last memory to be lying on an operating table....:(

[Harley PoMMom]

Bonnie, I don't blame you one bit for being hesitant with surgery, or not wanting it at all, as it is a very big deal. If I were in your situation I really don't know what I would do. :( Sorry I can't be of more help. :(

Both medications, Lysodren/Mitotane and Trilostane/Vetoryl can be used for either the adrenal or pituitary type of Cushing's.

(((HUGS))) Lori

[Bonnie0420]

Confirmed tumor on the adrenal gland about the size of a golfball. Said they don't believe that it's "invading" any other areas. So that's a good thing, they did say if they got in there and found that it was connected to the blood supply In a dangerous way, they would probably just take as much of the tumor as possible but leave the rest. (what that tells me is that they are wanting to do as much as possible with the least amount of risk for Aggie) we talked about doing meds for a little while until we can come up the money in order to relieve some of her symptoms...they did say she is NOT in any imminent danger for now. And that is all I could digest when he was talking. They were SO nice, basically said call 24hrs, whenever I had a question as they knew I wasnt comprehending every thing right then. I do know the surgeon is from some vet school in the Midwest that use to teach internal surgery so that could be a plus , apparently she wanted to get back in the "field" so To speak instead of just teaching...hopefully they will call me later today to give me costs etc so we can see when we can get this done. UGH, so didn't want to hear this but, if it's going to help her...that's what we will do...doesn't sound like just leaving the tumor and going the medication route is an option although as I mentioned it doesn't have to be done immediately. My poor baby girl, I just hate this...sorry I'm rambling.

[molly muffin]

It's okay, ramble as much as you want.

Not maybe what we wanted to hear but better to know. HUGS!

So the plan is what? To place her on vetroyl until such a time as surgery can be done?

Now I'm sure it's great to have a teacher for a surgeon, but what is most important is a surgeon who has done MANY adrenelectomies successfully with positive outcomes. Surgery is serious business, so that is the most important, board certified, the whole works. Ask how many she has done, what was the outcomes, etc, what if any medication does she need prior to surgery? How is her blood pressure?

Hang in there! We're all here for you!

hugs

[Bonnie0420]

Here is a little info on our surgeon

Dr. Heather Millard’s first job was as a veterinary assistant at a surgical specialty hospital while in high school. She knew immediately that she wanted to become a veterinary surgeon. Prior to joining the BluePearl team, Dr. Millard worked at a private surgical center in California and spent six years as a surgery instructor and clinical assistant professor of small animal surgery at Kansas State University and Purdue University. She loves the details and finesse of performing surgery and the required collaboration with other specialties. Her interests include any soft tissue surgery, particularly reconstruction and oncologic, minimally invasive procedures, such as laparoscopy, ureter stent placement and SUB placement (re-routing from kidney to urinary bladder) and general orthopedic procedures.

I talked with are regular vet tonight and she had already been in consult with Dr Dennis who did the ultrasound. I feel a lot more comfortable about the surgery.
I applied tonight for credit care which they accept and will allow us to pay this off interest free in 6 months, maybe longer.
(CareCredit: Healthcare & Medical Financing Credit Card
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Always there when you need it. Use the CareCredit healthcare credit card for your life needs - even for your pets. Apply Now CareCredit has always been...
So I know we can proceed.(fingers crossed) I did ask them about putting her on meds now in case something should change and we can't do it as soon, she said that she really would prefer NOT to do that, because the meds have to,be monitored so closely at first and Aggie isn't in any immediate danger, she felt it would put her throught more stree that really didn't need to be done (asking for input here!)
Tonight I seem to have this sense of calm, and I'm not quite sure what to make of that...I'm really asking for some input her folks, I'm not sure if I feel better about all of this, have faith that we are proceeding in the right direction or I'm so over whelmed I'm not sure what to feel and it's not calmness it's more numb...:confused:

[Amanda's Mom]

OK, you know it's an adrenal tumor. Did they say which side....right or left? Here's my 'two cents' and how I made my decision with Amanda. After the internist told me this is one of the riskiest procedures (UGH!) we agreed to 'watch and wait'. But I was not at peace and all week it nagged at me. The tumor was growing. We had been monitoring for a few months. I felt eventually it would become invasive at some point. And worse, what if it was malignant? Amanda was 12-1/2, only 8#, blind with a grade 3-4 heart murmur and on blood pressure medication.Also, her kidneys are 'senior kidneys'. Readings are OK but ultrasound shows some signs of aging kidneys. I had adopted Amanda one year earlier almost to the day of her surgery after losing my beloved "heart dog". So, right before the holidays and all this was a very difficult decision. I read everything I could, much of which seemed rather negative. But I felt since it didn't appear the tumor was invasive (yet) and Amanda's health would never be any better than it was right then, it was the best answer to the problem. Yes, I had to be prepared to lose her and that was rough. Both the internist and our primary care vets said the surgeon was phenomenal and if they could choose any surgeon in the world it would be him. They had complete faith in his ability and he explained he has done a number of these. He prefers the open approach to minimally invasive because he feels it is imperative to get in and out fast, to be able to see clearly what he's doing and he likes to take a look at the other organs while he is in there. Amanda was placed on some preop meds, lasix to take fluid off her heart and phenoxybenzamine in case the tumor turned out to be a pheochomocytoma. She also doubled Amanda's benazepril for blood pressure. Surgery was about 10 days later. The internist was in charge of pre and post op care. I almost cancelled that morning after being awake all night second guessing myself. Amanda wasn't showing any symptoms of Cushings yet. And how was I supposed to explain to my sweet little old girl why she would go in the hospital feeling fine and wake up with a big old incision?? I did hire a private duty nurse for the 12 hr shift starting that evening so she would have someone dedicated to her care and nothing else. I didn't want some emergency to come up and distract everyone. She went into surgery at 11 and it was over at 11:45. Surgeon said timing was perfect because as it was, he had to scrape the tumor off the vessels. But he was able to remove it and the adrenal without difficulty. Her readings were all great during the procedure. She had a large catheter in her rear leg for drawing blood, administering fluids and medications. They were checking vitals, blood samples, etc. every couple of hours. Her nurse sat in a chair and cuddled her most of the night. In the morning Amanda didn't seem anxious to eat but we came in the morning and she ate great for me. She went home in two days. Big incision, 20 staples which she never bothered. She was pretty much her normal self and in another day or two it was like nothing ever happened. Staples were out in two weeks. Follow up ultrasound showed everything great. Left adrenal of normal size. By Christmas there wasn't a trace of an incision. Her checkups since then have all been wonderful. It was a benign but secreting tumor so eventually she would have developed Cushings and at the rate it was growing it would have become invasive. The surgeon also took a liver biopsy as long as he was in there and it was fine. I do ultrasound every three months anyway so we continue to monitor. I can only tell you how I arrived at my decision. I really felt that especially given Amanda's age and heart condition, I couldn't afford to wait. So, mine is a very positive experience. The surgeon had done a couple of others recently on even older dogs all of which were successful. Cost was around $3300 including the $400 for the private duty nurse. Then I had blood work and ultrasound follow ups. This was at a private specialty practice. If there is any other information I can give you please just let me know.
Only you can decide what's right for you but it sounds like you have a good handle on it. Prayers and positive thoughts!!
Hugs and kisses on the nose to Aggie!
Claire & Amanda

[Squirt's Mom]

Here is a list of questions one of our members put together when her baby was facing this surgery. It is an excellent list and the surgeon's answers will tell you a great deal.


Questions to consider and ask the surgeon when facing an adrenalectomy
Part I - Questions to ask when considering if surgery is an option for your dog’s adrenal tumour:

1. What type of tumour do you suspect, ?functional, ?non-functional, pheochromocytoma, benign, metastatic
2. Expected life span for my dog in a normal situation. If your dog is close to, at or past his expected lifespan for his breed is surgery going to be of any benefit?
3. Prognosis for my dog if we treated medically i.e. with Cushings medications. AND if we do not proceed with surgery how long do you think it would be before the tumour started adversely affecting his quality of life?
4. If he is miserable now, does the benefit of potentially risky surgery outweigh his current quality of life?
5. Are there any other health problems that could impact on a positive surgical outcome, for example: if your dog is overweight or has heart, BP, liver, kidney or lung conditions
6. Is there any sign of tumour spread – imaging should be done, including ultrasound and on advice of specialists either CT or MRI to check whether there is local invasion around the tumour, into blood vessels including vena cava or spread further away in the body to lungs etc
7. Surgeon recommendations – would he/she do it for their own dog?
8. Psychological impact for the owner: It is important to understand this is risky surgery, sadly current guidelines indicate 1:5 dogs do not make it, and some recommendations are not even that high. Can you accept it if your dogs dies during or in the postoperative recovery period surgery? This is where it is important to weigh up whether the benefit of your dog being fully cured is worth the risk of possibly losing him.
9. Financially – can you afford it? Find out estimate of costs.
10. Hopefully this will not happen, but if your dog collapses, e.g his heart stops either during his surgery or afterwards what emergency measures should be undertaken, do you want your dog to have CPR, how far are you (the owner) willing to go for your dog to be saved in such circumstances


Part II - Surgery has been recommended as treatment for your dogs adrenal tumour, here are a few suggestions on what questions you should ask your surgeon:

1. Are you board certified? How many operations of this type have you done? What complications have you experienced? What were the outcomes?
2. Please explain to me how you will do the surgery, which part would likely give you the most trouble? Will you be doing the actual surgery or a resident in a teaching situation? If so, is their close supervision?
3. Will there be a specialist anaesthetist available for the surgery?
4. If it hasn’t been done, do we need a CT/MRI scan to look at the tumour more closely to check for vena cava involvement or any other tumour spread?
5. What are the risks associated with this surgery, including
• Bleeding (including trauma to blood vessels or other organs during surgery)
• clots
• Blood pressure or heart problems such as arrhythmias
• pancreatitis
• pneumonia
• kidney failure
• infection
• wound problems
• bowel problems
• anaesthetic risks
• adrenal insufficiency or electrolyte abnormalities
• death (sorry but you have to ask that risk too)
6. If we proceed with surgery does my dog need preoperative treatment with Cushing’s meds, antihypertensive if high blood pressure is a problem – phenoxybenzamine recommended preoperatively for dogs with pheochromocytoma, anticoagulants or anything else?
7. How will you treat to prevent clots postoperatively?
8. What would you do if you found anything else during the surgery i.e. nodules in other organs e.g. spleen, opposite adrenal, liver, kidney. Would you remove them and what are the risks associated when doing additional abdominal surgery together with adrenalectomy
9. How long will it take and when will you contact me so I know all is OK, when can I visit after surgery?
10. How will the postoperative period go, how long would you anticipate he would need to stay in hospital? How will we manage pain?
11. What monitoring would be needed, e.g. heart monitoring, oxygen levels in the postoperative period
12. If your dog has an adrenocortical tumour affecting cortisol production will he need to be on steroids following surgery and for how long?
13. If there are problems when I take him home, who do I contact? Hopefully the surgical team until all is stable.

[Trish]

Hi
Sorry to hear the tumour was confirmed, but in a way if you do decide on the surgery, which you seem to be preparing for, you have a chance for Aggie to be totally cured!! Which is awesome :D

Deciding whether to go ahead with the surgery I think torments us all. Our decision to proceed only took me all of about 2 seconds to make up my mind. His adrenal tumour was a pheochromocytoma so bit different to Aggie, but it was symptomatic and putting his BP dangerously high, impacting his kidneys, eyes and you could just tell he felt bad. Medical treatment would have not got rid of the tumour so we felt we had to give him a chance. Our Surgeon and local vet were both very confident too. I have seen people come to the forums that have been put off by their local vets in saying the surgery is dangerous and it is, no surgery has no risks. But the benefits are immeasurable when you get your dog back postop!! On the other hand the medications have their own set of risks, so it is a matter of weighing up risk vs benefit and you have to be able to live with that decision.... even if the worst happens. Some cannot, they are not prepared to take the risk but a lot do with the goal of fixing their dog, hopefully keeping them off the pills and tumour free. I kept on telling myself "at least I am giving him a chance" and if he did not make it at least it was a merciful passing. Half of the tumours like Aggie's are malignant, if hers is golf ball sized already then that is getting pretty big.

I guess this is easy for me to say after my dog got through his adrenalectomy just fine, 29 months exactly today! So I am sure glad we went through with it! Still following your story and wishing you both the best x

[Bonnie0420]

Hi everyone, Sorry I have been MIA for a couple of days, you all are a wealth of support and suggestions but I just needed to pay attention to my baby girl, not to mention I like I'm sure 99.999999% was becoming totally obsessed and was getting frustrated and upset so I had to take a step back and just digest everything.

I did call the surgery center on Thursday and had her originally scheduled for the consult the 9th and surgery the 10th which was the soonest that they could schedule us.

Side note if anyone is I the Kansas City area, we are going to Blue Pearl in Overland Park, would love to hear any feedback you might have. Myself....I have been totally impressed with them so far Ok back to surgery.

So we had her scheduled for surgery the 10th as I said, HOWEVER, I called back to asked a couple of questions and in doing so found out that the surgeon would be leaving town the following day for vacation (everyone deserves one don't get me wrong). But that took me to asking more questions, if she had complications the following day, what if, what if, what if. And in NOT a what iffer!!but in this case you bet your booty I am!!!

My husband and I talked it over and I called them back on Friday and said I would prefer to have her seen by the same Dr until she is released (24-48hrs) so we have now rescheduled for the 21st for the consult 22nd for surgery. (Need a little support here on this decision). I did talk to our primary vet and also the dr that did the ultrasound and they were totally supportive of the decision also stating that should anything happen between now and then that I could be rest assured that they would get her right in with another surgeon, but also reminding me that they both felt she was not in any imminent danger although they don't know how fast her tumor is growing but they really felt she would be fine for 3 more weeks....2 side notes again. 1. Her regular vet cried when wall of this was finally diagnosed, she has an attachment to my sweet baby girl.. 2 The one That will be doing aggies surgery that I was telling you about has done this surgery many many many times, GREAT success rate (yes I know I had to ask and did). So I feel pretty good with the decision.

@Trish. I would have scheduled her (Aggie) the next day if I could have and know I probably didn't come across sounding that way but what ever is the best for her is what I want to do.

It's still very hard to digest all of this and it's also so hard to watch my baby girl doing things that she normally doesn't do, snapping at me trying to get a snack, she is still a wiggle butt but not as much, she is so much more comfortable just lying down. And it's so hard to see how hungry she is, I just want to keep feeding her and I know I can't so I give her tiny tiny tiny pieces of something. She has always been a VERY mellow dog, we call her a Snob because she is a British Lab and her parents are from the UK (no disrespect intended my Father was born and raised in Scotland!! And I'm but a wee Bonnie Lass. Ok not wee about 30lbs overweight!!! (Have to keep my humor
Going)

Back to Aggie, Not funny but kind of funny, I was fixing pasta salad for tomorrow and she was right behind me in the kitchen,(she isn't allowed usually but is getting away with EVERYTHING right now). Gave her a tiny piece of pasta..not big deal....cutting up the black olives and she kept looking at me with that pathetic face so I gave her a black olive saying baby girl I know you don't like these...she chowed it down...on to the green red yellow peppers and she did the same thing....it was funny for a minute. Then I cried cause I feel so bad she is so hungry and I can't just let her have anything she wants whenever she does...

God I hate this for our fur babies...it's just so not fair...

Also takes to the vet and surgury department and asked about the Benedryl and they told me I could give her up to 50mgs at night...ummm NOOOO way to much, don't want to totally knock her out but do want to have her more relaxed as she seems to breath less labored.....so I habe started giving her a little more at night so she rests better and then some in the morning before we go to work so she will not be as agitated that we are leaving and will just go and relax
So this is where we are at right now...

Happy Easter and Happy Passover to all you wonderful wonderful people. I feel blessed that I found this site

Hugs wiggle butts and puppy kisses from the Mazza's
Joe, Bonnie and our fur baby Aggie:)

[Bonnie0420]

Now for questions...so I know that they will give us all sorts of information as to what to do post op etc, but trying to plan our course of action.
Are they able to get up and do steps to go potty?
She usually sleeps in our bedroom it's on the 2nd floor.
Should I just plan on sleeping down I the basement with her for a few days to make it easier ? We have a walk out to the backyard.
How long is the recouperation usually (I know it's based on the individual dog but?)
How long before you saw some relief for the dog? Ie: excessive drinking, ravenous hunger?
Do their tummies start to go back somewhat normal?
What did you do that helped ease your babies comfort?
I'm open to all sorts of suggestions and comments..

Thank you again!!

[Harley PoMMom]

I can't help with your questions :( but wanted to chime in that I totally agree with postponing Aggie's adrenalectomy until that surgeon who has a great success rate gets back from vacation, yep, I would do the very same thing. It does make me feel better, and I am sure it does you too, that the surgeon does have a great success rate.

Do keep us updated and will be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Lori

[Squirt's Mom]

I also agree with postponing til the surgeon is back. Would have done the same thing myself! ;) As for your other questions, I can share what I did with Squirt when her spleen was removed. We also had a two story house with the bedroom upstairs where she slept in the bed with me. After the surgery I put a mattress on the floor downstairs and stayed there with her til she was released to climb steps and stairs again. I initially carried her upstairs thinking I could keep her up there but she wanted downstairs and would do her best to go down so we both went down and stayed. I can't remember how long it was before she was release to normal activity but it seems it was several weeks we slept on the floor.

Her surgeon will give you a detailed discharge sheet with directions for the next few days and weeks, and should tell you what to expect as far as recovery. You might take an old sweatshirt or one of her blankets to have in her cage at the hospital after the operation. The scent can often help them relax and stay calmer.

Enjoy your vacation!

[Amanda's Mom]

As long as the tumor isn't growing rapidly I don't see a problem waiting a couple of weeks. I also postponed a few days until both the surgeon and internist would be available over the days following surgery. Our house is one story and no steps so that wasn't an issue for us. I would think at least a couple of days after coming home before doing lots of steps but your surgeon or internist can advise you. Also, Amanda wasn't showing signs of Cushings yet so I can't offer any information as far as how long before symptoms begin to ebb. Amanda did not seem to have any discomfort. She was pretty much back to her normal self in 4-5 days from the actual surgery.She was on tramadol for pain as needed but we really didn't need it after a couple of days. I was quite surprised at how quickly she recovered. Hopefully Aggie will have a speedy and uneventful recovery. Please keep us posted. I know the waiting is very difficult but I feel you are doing 100% the right thing. Your surgeon has had a number of successful outcomes with this surgery which is important. How about pre-op medications?

[molly muffin]

Just want you to know we are thinking of you.
Monday is the consult and tuesday is surgery yes?

How is Aggie doing? How are You doing?

hugs

[Amanda's Mom]

Is Aggie's surgery still "on" for this week? How is she doing?? I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Praying Aggie will sail through this and be on her way to feeling so much better! Please let us know how things are going!!

Hugs!
Amanda's Mom

[molly muffin]

Okay, so today should be the day after surgery if it still occurred. How is Aggie?

Post when you have a minute as we do tend to worry.

[Bonnie0420]

Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord!!!
Aggie had her surgery yesterday.....took about 1 1/2 hours. Main thing is she is doing well....love my puppy!!
kuddos to Blue Pearl Veterinary/Surgical Center, they were AWESOME!!
Her tumor had grown over the last 3 weeks and the Dr was shocked as to how large it was, said it was the size of a softball. Yes there is a part of me that feels guilty that we didnt do it on the 9th but it just didnt work out to do it then.
When they got in there, the 2nd they touched it (the tumor) started bleeding and basically started disintegrating before their eyes. After it was over Dr Millard said it scared her, which is one thing that I did love about her, she was just totally honest, didn't sugar coat it and told us how it was!!
it took 3 of them working on her due to the size and also how it was falling apart they worked very quickly to make sure they got all the tumor. it was NOT attached to the Vera something (blood supply), it had started attaching to the Kidney but they got that removed without an issue.
They did give her heparin for blood clots and said the next 48hrs were critical. They also gave her a steroid shot to help "jump start" the other adrenal gland as it totally shut down. (said that is normal with adrenal gland tumors.
They monitored her very closely all thru the night, her blood pressure was low a couple of times but they up'd the IV's to give her more fluids and that seemed to help. Gave her the highest dose of pain meds as her heart rate has been high. they werent sure if it was from pain or she was just excited (not the happy excited) that seemed to mellow her out some.
they did get her up a couple of times last night but she would not potty and wouldnt eat (which I knew she wouldnt eat.) and then she wouldnt lay back down....she is stubborn, plus Im sure her tummy hurts...
Talked to them just a few minutes ago, said they had her up again this morning, that she pee'd a lot....which was good but she still wont eat. They made her a smorgasbord of food and hopefully she will like something . She always does this when she isnt at home so Im not surprised and told them that.
So while this was very very scary, I wouldnt change a thing. Aggie will be so much happier and thats the main thing!!

and Just a funny but not really, my poor husband! so I blew out my back, then we found out about aggie, Joes Mom was in the hospital (she is fine now) and last week my Dad had 3 emergency surguries (he is holding his own) Joe said, just give me my 9MM , very good friend of our said oh Joe dont do that, they way you alls luck has been running you would probably live!!! Im ready for this year to be over with already!!

thanks everyone, and I will try and answer any questions I can....its all a little over whelming....xoxoxo and puppy kisses to all

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh my goodness! How scary but I am so very glad it went well and is now behind her. Sounds like perfect timing to me for sure! Please keep in touch and let us know how Aggie is progressing. We are all looking forward to the day very soon when she is back home where she belongs!

Prayers and healing energies flying her way!
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[judymaggie]

So glad to read that Aggie has made it through her surgery and now everyone can focus on her recovery! It sounds like you have a very dedicated veterinary team. My Abbie's IMS and opthamologist are with Blue Pearl here in Tampa and we have had excellent care with them and their staffs.

[molly muffin]

Oh my goodness. That was a huge tumor! It just seem to blow up in size out of no where. So glad they were able to get in there now and get it taken care of. Now we just want Everyone in your family to make full recoveries. Gosh you have all been through a lot lately and you're due for a nice, calm, relaxing summer.

Let us know how she is doing!

hugs

[Bonnie0420]

Saw her 2x today, first time around 1pm, she has a little bit of a fever and BP/heart rate were up and down again....her breathing was soooo labored it just broke my heart. ICU Nurse said that they had her up again, she still wouldnt eat, so I just cuddled with her as best I could. Dr said she might need to stay till Sat which if that is what is best for her then that is what we will do.

Tonight we went back about 8pm, she was a little more perky and as soon as they opened her cage she was up and trying to get out...they had just put a cath in her as she was not going potty, it only had a little in there but they said that they did see some fluid in her abdomen and they were watching her very closely. they were awesome, as soon as she wanted out they were right on top of it, started bringing blankets over and moving things around so she had room and made more room for us so we could sit on the floor with her.
Her nurse said she wanted to move her in to a larger run area, its really not a run but a much larger cage because she was trying to stand up and just barley had enough room, so while we sat there, bless their hearts, they were working around us trying to unhook her IV's and monitors, we offered to move and they kept saying no, you just love on your little girl...LOVE THEM

So after they had everything ready, we got her up and she walked over to her new "house" it was about 10 feet and she did pretty well, just very weak.
I had fried her an egg to try and coax her to eat some and she just wanted nothing to do with it. all she wanted was for us to love on her...she layed her head in my lap and needless to say I lost it. Joe was on one end of her and I was on the other and we just loved and loved on her....she calmed down a lot. took a little snooze with us both loving on her, she woke up and I tried the egg again, and she ate some, drank a LOT of water, took a few more bites and laid her head back down.
I felt so much better tonight then I did this afternoon seeing her. They gave her lasiks (spelling) for fluid retention and they still have her on her pain meds and also her IV.
While we were sitting with her, within 1 hour she had almost totally filled the bag with Pee, it was a good color, so I know she is hydrated and I noticed no red in it at all so that was good.
her eyes are very clear, although she is still groggy but the whites of her eyes were really clear which havent been that way in over a month.
Said she was much better then last night but they are still keeping a very close eye on her...
its still very very scary....but just praying that she does well tonight. Im going to call in a couple of hours just to check on her which they encourage....
thats about it for tonight...

Bonnie and Aggie!!

[Amanda's Mom]

SO glad to hear Aggie's surgery is over. Will keep praying for her to recover quickly. It is a huge operation and it sounds like it will be a few days before she feels more like herself but hopefully that's going to come quickly. You mentioned she is on Lasix. Is she on any blood pressure meds? I'm sure visiting will really help. If you can, keep bringing food and try to get her to eat. Your love and presence are the best medicine for your baby. It's a very scary process and you have had other family problems to cope with as well. We are all pulling for you and Aggie. I know you will be so happy to have her home again! Please keep us posted! can't wait to hear she is home and feeling so much better!
Hugs to you and Aggie,
Claire and Amanda

[Bonnie0420]

So we have had a set back, said her kidneys aren't functioning properly, urine output is good and they are keeping her hydrated. I feel so stupid cause I just don't get all of this. It's so over my head.
I remember the surgeon said something about the tumor on the renal but they got it and it was easy to remove, but does that mean it "poisoned" her kidney?
They do have her on BP meds, heart rate is good, fever is down, but now this, I just don't want her suffering....:(
She has gained about 5lbs since the surgery and was really bloated but since last night she has come down 2lbs....

[Trish]

Hi
Sorry been MIA, popped in to see how the surgery went. Hopefully this kidney trouble is just a little hiccup and Aggie perks back up again soon. Pleased to hear she ate some and you got to spend time with her. That has a big tumour, so good it is gone. Wondering if they had to take her kidney or did it come off OK? Big hugs and going to check in a bit more often so see how she is going x

[Squirt's Mom]

How is Aggie this afternoon?

[molly muffin]

oh dear! How are her kidneys responding this afternoon?

She does seem to have good output with the catheter from what you said earlier but she needs to be able to do go on her own. Since it had invaded the kidney it might be that it will take longer for that to work. Even if a whole kidney was removed, dogs can just like people live with a single kidney, so why isn't the other one kicking in or do they expect it to.
There are some definite questions here that I hope they can give you the answers to.

Gosh I'm just hoping and sending all the good vibes towards Aggie that I can hopefully this is a bump that can and will be over come soon.

BIG HUGS, hang in there. she is in good hands at least

[molly muffin]

Checking in again. Hoping for some better news.

Hugs

[Amanda's Mom]

So sorry to hear about the complications. Perhaps the kidney sustained some trauma either from the tumor or the surgery but I would think the other kidney would be functioning. Her urine output seems pretty good with the catheter. Is it possible the surgery has caused some swelling or inflammation around the ureter which might make urination difficult? Are the kidneys still filtering properly? Praying this is just a temporary setback and they will get it figured out. Keep us posted. We are all pulling for Aggie to get back to her old self and home!! I know this is so difficult and terribly stressful. Positive thoughts and prayers!

[Bonnie0420]

the kidneys are not functioning properly although the level did come down a little. output is still good, but she doesnt have protein? they talked about giving her Human protein but said there are risks with that as well. Im not sure about doing that.....thoughts?

they have now put a feeding tube in here to try and get her some nourishment. I did finally get her to eat some for me tonight...fried her some hamburger, also they had some canned chicken, and I also brought her some yogurt and thats what we started with, she wasnt to happy with me rubbing it on her gums so that she had to eat it but I thought maybe once I got some "taste" in her mouth that might help. let her rest a little and then I gave her little bites, she finally thought hey, this doesnt taste to bad and ate all of it, and the chicken which we were THRILLED with.
Once again was impressed with the Dr's and staff at blue pearl, they knew we were staying in the area this evening. went in every couple of hours to visit her. when they did the next kidney test on her, the Dr had already gone home for the evening. they called him with the results and then he actually called back had us go in an office and discuss all of it via phone. He could have turned it over to the Dr that was on for the evening but he took the time out of his evening to call us...
he did say that they are watching for fluid on her lungs and that they were moving her more, making her get up to walk a little more and also turning her on to her other side as she has been favoring the one.

it was very grimm this afternoon and they did talk to us about possibly putting her down BUT the Dr sounded a little more hopeful this evening. At this point, thats not an option that we want to discuss right now, so, tomorrow we will find out what they think the next step is for her. Main thing I know she is NOT suffering, sure she is in pain because she just had major surgery, but with their care and her being one tough girl. Im still keeping hope.
does anything know about this protein stuff? and why? I thought if we got her to eat, this might help to avoid that, or am I missing something?

[Amanda's Mom]

In kidney failure they can go,up and down so don't give up,yet. Is it erythropoietin they said she isn't making? Human darbepoietin is often used. I did it several times with my poodle who had end stage kidney failure. We gave her a good quality of life for nearly 18 months. They can develop pleural effusion which may have to be drained. Lasix should help. Eating is important. I hand fed Rose all those months. Whatever she would eat I gave it to her. Salmon was a favorite. Heated everything and she ate from my hands. There are times you think you are at the end but then they rally. I'm praying they can get Aggie over the crisis and get one of the kidneys functioning. A couple times I did an in Hospital course of I.V. Fluids for 72 hrs to try to jumpstart the
kidneys. But Aggie has been on fluids quite a while. Anesthetic can be hard on the kidneys . Praying she will get past this crisis and turn the corner. My heartaches for you because I know the stress and fear of dealing with all this. I wish there was more I could offer. Do you know what Aggie's BUN and creatinine are? Rosie's were usually so high we just disregarded them because she was eating and enjoying life. And if they are coming down that's good. I am keeping good thoughts in my heart for you. Hope for better news tomorrow!
Big big hugs!!

Claire and Amanda

[molly muffin]

It does sound like they are saying that. She isn't producing EPO (erythropoietin) which is made in the kidneys and is needed by bone marrow to produce red blood cells. An extreme case of anemia would be a simple way of describing it I suppose. The question is whether they think that she will eventually be able to produce the protein and if the other kidney will be able to recuperate. There was only one kidney involved in the tumor correct? Dogs are fully capable of living with a single kidney working the key is that it does need to work.
Do they think this result is due to the trauma of the surgery and prognosis going forward is key.
I think it is great that they are trying so hard with her. Getting her to eat will certainly help her as it is hard to get the system to work without nourishment to help it along.
Yea. Dogs can develope fluid on lungs like humans after surgery. They need to move and keep the body fluids from pooling.
Let us know how things are going. Aggie isn't that old at 8 and was healthily other than this tumor. That gives her an excellent chance at a eventual recovery.
Hugs

[molly muffin]

This link tells you a bit about EPO
http://www.petmd.com/dog/conditions/cardiovascular/c_dg_anemia_chronic_kidney_disease

[Trish]

Hi

when I first read it I was presuming you were meaning blood protein levels are down which you see when the kidneys are struggling. Also can see it postop, pleased they are feeding her as that should help. But also like Amanda was thinking about the ureters being blocked, but then yes likely only the one. Hopefully the kidney tests are better today.

Good to hear weight going down, probably a lot of fluids on board bloating her up. She ate!! Yay!! That's great news :D:) hopefully we will get more good news like that later today.


PAWS UP AGGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can do it girl xxxx

[Amanda's Mom]

I hope to hear soon that Aggie is improving and the other (left?) kidney is starting to work. I had one episode with Rose's kidney where they gave her a blood transfusion and she was like a new woman. We started her on the darbapoetin after that. As terrible as her kidneys were, had it not been her heart issues we could have kept her going quite a bit longer with good quality of life. Aggie is much younger and except for this has been healthy so I am glad to see they are pulling out all the stops for her. Have they given any reason why the unaffected kidney would not be functioning? Prayers and all good wishes to you! Hang in there and please keep us posted!

[labblab]

Hey, Trish, I think you are right in suspecting that the issue is with the protein level in the blood. Here is some additional info that Bonnie had posted in a note elsewhere yesterday:


The protein in her plasma is at 1.9 blood pressure is at 180 her bun was 29 yesterday 28 today in the Creighton not sure of the spelling [probably creatinine] was it to yesterday and 1.7 today...

Bonnie, we know you have got to be so worried right now, but I have all fingers crossed that this morning will bring a bit of brighter news. We are all here, standing right by your side, and sending strength to you and healing wishes to your sweet girl.

Marianne

[Amanda's Mom]

Please update us when you can about Aggie's condition. Hope you are seeing improvement today!! The labs that were posted, a bun and creatinine are only slightly high, blood pressure is high though. BP is difficult as stress can raise it and even a different technician can read it differently. Are they giving benazapril and or amlodipine to bring it down? Prayers that Aggie will get thru this setback and feel much better soon!

[Bonnie0420]

We decided to bring her home yesterday, she was just very depressed and really we are to the point that there isn't a whole lot more we can do but love her and keep her comfortable and hope she snaps out of this.
As th vet said to us yesterday she has been through a very tramatic surgery. We kept the cathader in her and they also left the port in her one arm (just incase) we have NOT been able to get her up. We sit her up to help her drink, she wouldn't eat anything last night, she did eat some hamburger and an egg for me yesterday about 2pm. I boiled a chicken and she did eat some for me this morning about 4:30am. We have a syringe and I have been putting broth In it and forcing it in her mouth, she fights me a little but we have got to get something in her. She has been pretty good about drinking water for us so that's good, urine output is still good, they told us we need to see somewhere between 4 - 8 on the bag every 6 to 8 hours. But we also are Monitering how much her intake is vs her output and so far I'm feeling good about that.
It was a VERY hard decision bringing her home, but as my husband and I discussed, I would rather her last few days be at home if that's what we are facing vs her being in the hospital. We do know a vet that will come to the house should we have to face that.
She did have a feeding tube in her and when they pulled it she had quite the bloody nose and her breathing has had a a rattle to it but we have her propped up to help with some of the drainage.
Her breathing is driving me crazy though. Best way to explain it is after you have gone for a run how you breath heavy, that's what she is doing and its constant she doesn't seem to be running a fever and her heart rate seems pretty good but that's hard to judge due to the breathing ...
This again was a super hard decision to make in bringing her home but we were also to the point that we were tapped out. We were double at where we thought we would hopefully be but I would do it all again as hard as this has been. We have second guessed ourselves several times over her having the surgery but medicine would NOT have helped her and the way the tumor grew in just 3 weeks time, it would have killed her anyways, at least doing the surgery is giving her a chance.
I'm not sure how long we can go with her being this way, I wish she could give us a sign, I wish we knew when we need to say it's time, or what. :(

[labblab]

Oh Bonnie, thank you so much for letting us know what is happening. I am so sorry you all are having such a rough time, but I understand your decision 100%. No matter what happens, you are having this time to love on Aggie in the peace and comfort of her own home. I only wish there was some way to make things easier. I am holding you all in my heart and hoping so hard that she is able to rally.

Sending much love and strength to you all!
Marianne

[molly muffin]

Hi Bonnie.

We all keep hoping that Aggie will rally. Her numbers aren't too terrible so hopefully she must needs some time to get her strength back. I am hoping that food and your families love will help that to happen.
Oh gawd. I know the cost to keep her in hospital must be astronomical. I would probably do the same thing. Bring my baby home and hope that we can do what the hospital environment could not. Depression and being away from her family has to play a big part in recuperation.
You know I am always the optimistic one so all I can say is that we will always support you and your choices for Aggie. Your are there. She is your fur baby and you know best. I am still hopeful though.

Big hugs!

[Squirt's Mom]

Many hugs, gentle belly rubs, prayers and healing energies flying Aggie's way!

[Bonnie0420]

I just wish there was a magic way to now how long to let her go like this...I know yesterday was huge, taking her off all the IV's. Taking out the NG tube, the car ride home. I don't want to be selfish, but I want to give her time, I just wish we knew when we need to say enough. I have looked at her so many times today wondering if we are doing the right thing. Sometimes she will wag her tail, and sometimes she give this blank stare...it's just awful not knowing.
They gave us 50/50 with her yesterday..do we go another 24/48/72 hours....
This has got to be the hardest thing I have ever done....it's just so unfair for our fur babies. I'm just so scared and so confused. I just don't know what to do...my husband is just devistated, he has sobbed and sobbed, we both just want what's best for her...sorry I'm rambling...I'm just lost right now and you all are being so supportive I really appreciate it

[Trish]

HI Bonnie

Sorry to read the latest, so it does not sound like the kidney trouble is the main culprit leaving Aggie so unwell. Wonder if they did an ultrasound postop to look at what was going on inside? I guess clots jump to mind as we have seen them be a problem for others, pancreatitis too which can make them so very unwell and quite a risk with this surgery. But that is easy to check on with a blood test. Plus the tumour spilled and wonder if that making any impact with inflammation etc. Did they not say what they think is causing this??

I hope you got to come home with some strong meds for pain to keep her comfortable as possible.

My dog did not perk up after surgery either, 2 1/2 weeks later they finally did a scan and lo and behold they had left a swab inside of him :mad::eek: back to surgery he went to have it removed. Doubt that is the problem but wanted to let you know it was not plain sailing for him postop either and he is still here to tell the story and hopefully Aggie will make it through this. Big hugs xx

[Bonnie0420]

Here are her meds

Heparin 1000 I.U. /ml inj every 8hrs
Maropitant 1 daily for nausea
Prednisone 10 mg tablets give 1 1/2 daily
Amiodipine 2.5mg give 1 1/2 daily (for blood pressure)
Tramadol 50mg give 1-2 every 8-12 hrs for pain. I cut her back to 1 this morning to see if that didn't help with this breathing just gave her another 1. Might give 2 her next does to see if 2 is where we need to be
Mirtazapine 15mg 1x daily to stimulate appetite (don't think it's working :-(
Amoxicillin 500 mg 1x daily
Prilosec 1x daily. Give 1 or 1 1/2 to decrease acid production

[Amanda's Mom]

I think you had to bring her home. Being with you may help her rally. The breathing....are they sure it's not fluid creating pleural effusion? Is she off IVS now at home? Of course the endo trach tube from anesthesia as well as the feeding tube can all cause some irritation but this panting and heavy breathing reminds me somewhat of when my Rosie had a lot of IV and SubQ fluids and her heart could no longer handle them. Of course she had end stage kidney failure and heart issues so not quite the same as Aggie. Fluids build up in the pleural space between the lungs and thoracic wall. Is Aggie doing a lot of open mouth breathing? What did thedecide about the dabapoetin? If I am not mistaken, low blood protein can contribute to pleural effusion. By all means keep pushing water or broth. Keeping her propped up is good. That will help with the breathing. You mentioned a vet who would come to the house, do they do at home hospice care? I'm wondering if having someone who could treat her at home would help as she would not be in the stressful situation of the hospital. Did they do an echocardiogram of Aggie's heart or chest X-rays to rule out pleural effusion? Since the fluid prevents the lungs from fully expanding they typically drain the fluid. What meds is she on? Is she on furosemide (Lasix)? How was her blood pressure today? Is she on any BP meds? Be sure and keep her cool. If her breathing is at all compromised they can't pant properly or tolerate high heat or humidity. She's still eating some and drinking so that's good. Even if you have to purée food and try to push small amounts with a large feeding syringe it will help get some nutrients down plus perhaps stimulate her appetite. We are all praying for Aggie to get past this. Her symptoms seem so similar to what we experienced with Rose (who had kidney failure) and I do know the blood transfusion we gave and removal of the fluids from the chest cavity made a world of difference. Did your vet mention anything about this since they were talking about giving EPO? And I believe they did remove some fluids earlier? I am praying she gets through this
crisis and will stabilize and start to come around. I know how hard this is for you and I am praying and holding good thoughts!
Hugs,
Claire

[Trish]

good points Claire about the breathing, presume they would have done a chest xray. My other thought was have they done ACTH to make sure she is getting enough prednisone, or not too much

Bonnie, I think I would see how she went on one tramadol and then up it as you plan to keep her comfy and resting, just watch her breathing with it. How much does she weigh?

[molly muffin]

With all Aggie has going on I would expect it to take quite a bit of time to come back to herself.

Trish is right the pancreas does Not like to be messed with and pancreatis is a real possibility. That means they won't want to eat till they recover from that and is quite painful itself.

Amanda's mom has a good point about the fluid and breathing too.

So glad we have such knowledgable people here on the forum.

[Amanda's Mom]

I do know where you are coming from. I asked myself many times with Rose (kidney failure) if I was trying to do too much. But she would overcome the crisis and have another good month or more of high quality life until the next crisis. Right now you are trying to overcome this crisis and the aftermath of an extremely difficult surgery. Can you tell us, do Aggie's doctors have any hypothesis for what is causing this? There are many potential issues, it's a matter of finding the "Why" and trying to keep her going to get past this. If she can get past it and recover its all worth it. It is also exhausting trying to watch and care for Aggie 24/7. You see some of the members here had tough going for awhile but finally overcame it. With this surgery there are many potential complications. She's eating, not much but a little, and if she's drinking that's a good thing. Can you tell us if they did a follow up ultrasound or X-rays, etc to rule out some potential issues? We are all here to support you and since it wasn't that long ago I was going thru Amanda's adrenalectomy I sure haven't forgotten the fear, the second guessing etc. We are carrying you and Aggie in our hearts and you are not alone. Don't be afraid to ask questions of Aggies doctors either!

[Bonnie0420]

I know they did and ultra sound on Friday and did see some fluid on her abdomen but they did another one yesterday and only saw a small pocket so they were not to concerned about it then.

She isn't panting through her mouth, just breathing through her nose. We did not bring her home on IV's , just the cathader. We are keeping up with her meds really well.

The mobile vet I was talking about is if we do have to put her down and I would really like that to be done at home, she just needs to be surrounded by love in HER home, I just don't want her last memory to be of a sterile hospital, I just can't do that to her, she has already been through so much.

She did just get up and walk about 10 feet, we took her out the back door and let her see her back yard and get some fresh air. Course it wore her out and Joe had to carry her back in, kept her outside for about 30mins

As far as taking her back for more tests, I would give my right arm if I could but we just have no more money. We left there yesterday with an 8400.00 bill, I just don't have it, if I knew someone I could borrow from or take out a loan I would but at this point, we are really having to make some tough decisions
Looking at worst case, we are still going to have to pay to have her put down and I know having a mobile vet isn't going to be cheap either so I have to make sure that I have enough funds to take care of that if we come to that point.
It's just so damn hard...sorry..but it is, I just keep praying for a miricle ....
I'm not sure I answered all your questions or not...but I'm open to any and all advice....tricks suggestions you name it, if I can do it I'll try it

[molly muffin]

If she was able to get up and walk and urine output good then I would think that she can recover. Keep getting good into her. She hasn't been on solid food for a few days and the surgery which Is a very big type of surgery is not an immediate recovery up and at it usually because her kidneys where involved too.
I would keep doing what you are doing. Give her several small type meals through the day and time to recover. If the fluid has gone down then her breathing should eventually improve to

That is my thoughts and what I would do

[molly muffin]

I forgot to mention and really only just thought of it but the pain meds Tramadol they can lose appetite with and be Very lethargic. Not want to move and just sleep. Really can make them out of it completely. A blank look can and is common with that and the more they are on the worse it can be.

She is on quite a bit of meds. But I know Tramadol does that.

Just wanted you to know that if they didn't tell you. We see it quite a bit on here Won't even give it to Molly unless no other option but Aggie needs it right now. Just that even though it helps the pain it doesn't necessarily help with the other areas like eating and having any energy.

I should add that her numbers don't show renal failure and the protein in blood goes down with surgery usually. Eating some good food proteins should help that to come back up.

[molly muffin]

I just want to make sure that I have this right. They did not remove the kidney. Just peeled the tumor off it? So that one should kick into production too at some point. The insides do not like to be messed with and they can get quite contrary and take a bit to feel better.

[Trish]

Hi, that is good she walked a wee bit... quite positive. yes the tramadol can give them the drugged up look so have to take that into account. I sure hope your vets are still available to consult with over the phone at least, I would think they would be after spending that amount of money. It is just a bit hard to advise anything when we not sure what is causing her to be so unwell. Hopefully that free fluid seen on the scan is being absorbed, her kidneys pick up. I would just feed small low fat.. like chicken and mushy rice often. Has she had a poop yet? Hope she is feeling better tonight x

[Budsters Mom]

We all do what we can with the money thing! Yes, veterinary care is so damn expensive! :o:( It's okay to say no, I can't afford it. It's frustrating and it breaks your heart, but that is reality. You are not alone. I am sorry. I know that it's tough.

As far as a miracle, I wouldn't give up hope yet. I have seen many here the last few years. Many of our fur babies have made miraculous recoveries under very difficult circumstances and against all odds. My precious Buddy wasn't one of the blessed ones to receive a miracle, but I certainly was. This group adopted me and held me together when I was literally coming apart at the seams. They took shifts staying with me 24/7 because I had no one else who understood.

Baby steps for now my dear. Aggie knows you are trying to help her and loves you for it. Give her some time. She's recovering from major surgery afterall. ;)

[Amanda's Mom]

Lots of good thoughts here. The loud nasal breathing might be that her nasal passages were irritated by the NG tube. Let's hope that's it and it improves soon! Her kidneys seem to be functioning if urine output is good.And the numbers you gave for BUN and creatinine don't indicate kidney failure. This is absolutely a huge operation and many things involved. If she's drinking that's really important. As Sharlene mentioned, tramadol can cause some issues in itself but Aggie needs the pain relief right now. You may have to play with it a bit to find the lowest dose that keeps her comfortable. She did get up and walk a bit. Fresh air is good for her. Did they tell you Aggie's latest blood pressure reading before you took her home?? (Just curious)
I know this is so stressful and exhausting. You probably aren't sleeping much yourself and the constant worrying and second guessing every move you make wears you down. Try to take care of yourself too. You are doing all you can and giving Aggie so much love! Hugs and good thoughts to you and Aggie (and hubby too!)

[Tina]

Hi Bonnie,
I just want to join the others and let you know that I have been thinking about you all, all weekend actually. I don't have a lot to add other than wondering if Aggie's breathing has settled down, and has her urine output continued to be good? And how about her eating and drinking now?

I too am wondering if her pancreas could be inflamed from the surgery, that can make them feel really poorly. I am hoping she is doing a bit better since your last post. I'm encouraged that she walked a little bit, hope that continues. Agree with everyone about the Tramadol and side effects, that staring and out of it look is quite common, I have seen that in my own dogs. Will you be checking in with your vet in the morning to provide an update and get further instructions?

I am sending huge positive thoughts your way and hoping like mad that she is rallying and doing a bit better. I understand how worried and scared you feel, and how difficult and exhausting this is. Keeping you all in my thoughts and heart.

Big hugs,
Tina

[Squirt's Mom]

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers!

[judymaggie]

Sending healing thoughts to Aggie and gentle hugs to both of you!

[Bonnie0420]

We lost our sweet baby girl this morning. She walked outside, looked at her backyard, sat down, my husband was holding her, she looked up at him, put her head down and she was gone, my heart is broken, but I know we did the best we could and she was at home.

Thank you everyone for all the support through this...

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, Bonnie, my heart is just broken. :( You and your husband gave her the only chance she had. I know she flew from this old world on the wings of your love and will carry that love with her always. One day, you will hold your baby girl again, never to be parted.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, Fox, Redd and all our Angels



FRIEND

I lost a treasured friend today
The little dog who used to lay
Her gentle head upon my knee
And shared her silent thoughts with me.

She’ll come no longer to my call
Retrieve no more her favourite ball
A voice far greater than my own
Has called her to his golden throne.

Although my eyes are filled with tears
I am thankful for the happy years
She spent down here with me
And for her love and loyalty.

When it is time for me to go
And join her there, this much I know
I shall not fear the transient dark
For she will greet me with a bark.

~Author Unknown

[labblab]

Oh Bonnie, I am so very sorry. Words are totally failing me right now, I am just so overwhelmed myself. But please know that you, your husband, and sweet precious Aggie are in my thoughts and my heart. I will come back again when I can find the words to write more.

With my deepest sympathy for your loss,
Marianne

[judymaggie]

Bonnie -- I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Aggie went very peacefully, in your husband's arms. My deepest sympathies to both of you.

[molly muffin]

Oh No Bonnie :( I am so very very sorry. I really thought she could rally and make it. I didn't see this till right now.
I'm glad that she was with you and your husband in her last days, and moments.
There aren't enough words to express how very sorry I am to hear this.

My sincerest condolences.

[Budsters Mom]

I am so very sorry for your loss. Yes, She was home in her Daddy's arms surrounded by love.

Fly free sweet girl! Fly free!

Hugs,
Kathy

[budindian]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[Trish]

Hi Bonnie

So heartbreaking, my condolences to you and your hubby on this sad day. Really feel for you both. You sure can rest easy that you did everything for your girl. Big hugs x

[Harley PoMMom]

Oh Bonnie,

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your dear Aggie, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Godspeed sweet Aggie

With Heartfelt Sympathy, Lori

[Bonnie0420]

I'm heartbroken...sad...mad...confused...conflicted. This just totally sucks....I was at work and my best friend got a text from my husband, he just couldn't call me, he didn't know what to do...she just looked at me and said we need to go to the back room. As I walked back there, I knew...I heard her say Joe and text and I just looked at her and said she died didn't she....
I raced home to open the door to hear my husband just crying out her name over and over ...Aggie, Aggie Aggie....it was horrible, He was just sitting there holding her, crying out....I'm sorry I just really need to share this....
Joe is a Vietnam vet and a very proud american...the reason I'm telling you this is because he had a poncho liner from Vietnam that he and Aggie would always snuggled in, she really thought she was a lap dog, but she LOVED the soft silky material. We have had that next to her all weekend... Pushed up against her, under her head, whenever it needed to be....he had her wrapped up in it when I got home....
We talked about what we wanted to do if she did die, joe said he would really like to have her cremated so she was always with us. I agreed, I called Rolling hills and I told them we had just lost our baby girl. She asks me if I wanted for them to come and get her or if we wanted to bring her, I just couldn't talk and OMG this lady was SO SO compassionate, said we are here and when you decide just call us back..I decided it was just going to be to hard for us to do it, joe was a mess, I was a mess and probably would not have been the safest thing for us to do....getting back to the blanket, Joe asked them to please take her I the blanket and he wanted her to be cremated with the blanket.....NO ONE gets to use that blanket but he and Aggie....broke my heart....
It's been a really tough day, we have second guessed ourselves over and over as bad as yesterday was.....knowing she was at home with us surround by love, makes it a little easier, all Joe and I wanted for her was to have a good life and we tried....I just hope and pray she didn't suffer, I really don't think she did, her little sweet brown eyes just looked at us this morning, she was moving around, before I left for work she just looked at me and now I think she was telling me goodbye....my heart just hurts, this house is so quite, no one bugging me to go out, now one with shoe sting drool looking at me while we are eating...this just sucks....I miss her so much, life will just never be the same without her.
We are just so lost right now....

[molly muffin]

Omg Bonnie. How horrible this day has been. Aggie was your baby. Of course you are heartbroken. The pain is I am sure unimaginable.
She knew she was loved and loved so very much. That you and joe where with her this last days is all she would have wanted. I'm glad you where able to bring her home actually. I know I already said I would have done the same.

I too havre felt mad and heartbroken for you today. The rate that tumor grew in 3 weeks. There was no choice but to have the surgery. For her to have any chance and you gave her that chance. I really thought she would pull through and I get mad that she didn't get those extra years that she should have had with you.

It was just too big. Too much. Too complicated. I don't know for sure what the real cause was. Maybe the fluid. But it doesn't matter. It only matters that you are left without her.

The love between a dog and their people is a special one. It is pure and innocent and all things beautiful. It is most of all a gift thatyou will cherish forever. That Aggie by being I your lives made the world a better a happier place and that is good. That is the memories that at the end of the day you have to hold tight to. Hold on tight to each other too. This is going to be very hard time for both of you.

We are here, any time. Day or night and you can cry, scream whisper. Anything at all and we will stand beside you and give you a shoulder when you want one.

Big hugs

[Amanda's Mom]

Oh Bonnie, I just got home and learned about your precious Aggie.I can't begin to express how sorry I am! You know you did everything you possibly could and bless her sweet heart, she made her own decision as to when to go. So glad she was home with her daddy. I had so hoped she would come around.I hope you both know in your hearts, she will always be with you and you will be together again one day. With much love and my sincere sympathym
Claire

[Thirsty Frenchy]

Hi Bonnie - I am just reading your thread now for the first time. I am sending healing thoughts your way….Im about to make some tough (and incredibly expensive) decisions for my baby. We can only do our best. Looks like you did that. Here's to Aggie!

[LtlBtyRam]

Me and my family will keep you in our prayers. I am sorry for your loss. Even though we haven't had any interaction, my heart aches for you and your husband.

Angela & Shasta & Family

[doxiesrock912]

Bonnie, Joe sounds wonderful to share his blanket and to let Aggie take it with her <3

I fully understand your pain, anger ...all of it!

We lost our sweet Daisy Mae suddenly in June. Ironically, the vet hospital offered for me to take her blanket home when we brought her in as she was going to have to spend at least a few days there. They said that it would likely get lost. I left it there anyway.

We got the call saying that she "crashed", her heart gave out and they asked if I wanted them to continue CPR and I said not to. I just knew in my heart that it wouldn't make a difference. She fought hard for two weeks and was so tired.

When we went to pick her up, they had her wrapped in the blanket that we brought her in. Someone remembered and made sure that it stayed with her. We buried our sweet baby in that blanket at home where she grew up the same evening after we placed her in her bed for a time so that the cats could realize what had happened.

For Aggie and Daisy Mae, those blankets smelled like their home and their people. I'm sure that they brought both of them great comfort.

Hugs to both of you.

[Tina]

Dear Bonnie,
I don't know what to say other than I am completely overwhelmed with sadness that you have lost your baby. My heart just breaks for you and your husband, I'm pretty choked up after reading about the blanket. I am so so sorry Bonnie, and I wish there was something I could say that would help ease your pain. Sending love and my deepest sympathy. Ever on sweet Aggie, ever on.

Hugs,
Tina

[Robert]

Prayers for Aggie on her journey and those that are still here. So sorry

[Gabriel]

So sorry for your loss.
You gave her so much love, comfort and dignity
that's all we can do - our best for them - we are all sending prayers and love your way xxx

They leave these shell bodies and go on like a butterfly - one day you will see her again in all her splendour xx

Take care, love, comfort and pamper yourself as you did Aggie - that's what she would want I'm certain
- give yourself the time you need to feel better
- no words can make it better we know we just want you to know that we are all here for you and thinking of you both xx

[Amanda's Mom]

You are so right about the importance of having their blanket with them...It smells of home, of family. When my Rosie went to the bridge she was in her blanket, in my arms. The hospice vet administered the sedative first and and she just slipped away in seconds. She was so ready to go. And she went with her family around her, in her own home. My daughter did the same, they went out in the yard under a favorite tree and they all laid on the blanket together as their baby went to the bridge. What a comfort and so glad Aggie had Daddy's special blanket for her trip to the bridge as did your sweet Daisy Mae!

[Bonnie0420]

We got thru the night and it sucked, I so miss my baby girl...the little bed hog...I would try to get in bed and she would tense up so much I would have to move her butt first and the her head and she would always just look at me like haha....
Leaving for work was so hard, every day she and Joe would come downstairs, I gave her a treat, went to my car and they would be standing at the door watching me leave. I really missed that this morning, it's my first day back at work in a couple of weeks so that was my first with out my precious baby.
Work was so so the girls were super nice, they just looked at me, no words were needed and they knew I just didn't want to talk anyways.

It was the coming home that was horrible. I always call my husband and tell him I'm leaving work, he always says Aggie, mommy so the phone, mummy's coming home and would laugh, she would go to the window on our 2nd floor and sit and wait for me, I also always call my mom on my way home, tonight I did but we just avoided the subject...talked about my dad who isn't doing bad but not good. That's a whole other story....but..I would always stay on the phone with mom till i pulled in the driveway..and that sweet face would just be standing there looking down at me, it was a game, I would pull up really slow and she would watch, a little further, still watching but once I got to the point she really couldn't see me she would take off running downstairs to meet me at the door, I would come in and she would always have a toy in her mouth, it was standard practice to kiss her nose and get her treat...I lost it....I had to stop and prepare myself for her not to be here and it just hurts so so bad.....we have to get through the first. First time sitting outside with out her, first time eating dinner without her looking at us just waiting for us to finish cause she would always get a bite of something...my heart just hurts it broken, I can't watch my husband cry and cry and sob, it's just horrible, I wish I could take his pain away but I can't. I just wish there would have been more we could have done for her...i keep replaying it over and over in my head, my only solace is that she died at home, she was so sad at the hospital but then I question if we should have tried to keep her there I feel so selfish that we couldn't come up with more money. I know we are going to be on a roller coaster ride for a while, but she was a special little girl...I so miss her...I just wish my baby girl were still here....

[labblab]

My dear Bonnie,

I so hope you can feel your family here, standing right alongside you and Joe, bearing witness to the depth of your love and your loss. I do believe our connection with our dogs is a perfect love and a perfect loyalty unlike any other, and that is why the pain of the separation cuts like a razor.

As hard as it must be for you to write these words, they are a testimonial to the heart and the spirit of your beloved girl -- that the space left behind feels impossible to fill.

I hope you will be kind to yourselves about bringing her home. That is where she most wanted to be, and where she felt safe. As I reread your thread, I think I may understand about the low protein issue (albumin?), because that is a worry that I have with my own Lab girl. If that is what happened to Aggie, I think there is little that could have been done, regardless of where she was. This way, she spent her final hours cradled in the love and comfort of her home. That is the kindest gift you could have given her, so please be gentle with yourselves as well.

I am so very sorry. Thank you for sharing Aggie with us all, and for sharing the joy she brought into this world. No wonder your hearts are broken. She was such a precious girl.

Sending you hugs of strength and comfort, in honor of beautiful Aggie.
Marianne

[mytil]

I am so very sorry - my heart is with you and your husband. The love is so incredibly strong and will continue to be. There are no set rules to grieving so please be kind to yourselves and know we are all here!

(((hugs)))
Terry

[Amanda's Mom]

Bonnie, I wish there were words to take away the pain you and Joe are feeling. Unfortunately, there aren't any. It takes time to adjust. So much of your lives and routine revolved around your sweet baby. Now that has all changed. Please don't second guess yourselves. You did all you could and took on an enormous expense to give Aggie the best possible chance. The tumor sounds like it was very aggressive and much as it breaks your heart, it just wasn't something she could overcome. She was home where she was happiest and with her family. I am so glad of that for all of you. I pray you find peace but know it will take time and there will be many many tears and much heart ache. That's to be expected so by all means take time to grieve. There may be a pet grief support group in your area. Sometimes just talking with others who are going through the same thing can be helpful. Sending you prayers for peace and comfort.

[molly muffin]

The first are the hardest and there are many of them.

My heart just breaks for you and Joe and the pain you are going through missing you sweet baby.

Hugs

[Bonnie0420]

You all are so so wonderful and I so appreciate all the kind words, life as we have known it now SUCKS, I wish I could stop crying, I wish I knew how to console Joe more, he is trying so hard to be strong for me, it is such a vicious cycle.
You just never understand how these precious babies touch your lives until you lose them, we loved her so much, I know I kept telling my parents over and over that is was so incredible how you could have a "dog" that everyday you looked forward to seeing, heck most of us don't even like seeing our spouses everyday but that sweet little face was so precious, such unconditional love, those eyes they just told me Mom I Love you...I miss the hair I always complained about, I would sweep or run the vacuumed cleaner which Aggie would ALWAYS lay right in my way and I would say, Aggie I aware I could make you a brother or sister out of all this hair...
Tonight was really really hard, I lost it, I was fixing the dinner, a full dinner I should say, not like we have eaten the last week, but I just totally broke down, the sweet face wasn't just sitting there looking at me saying MOM, come on I need a bite.
My husband doesn't want to come home, I don't want to come home, it so lonely..he just cries and says her name over and over and over, it's horrible. I just don't know what to do.....I know it will eventually get easier, we have to keep on going but it is so so hard.
And today was a week of when the end began, I've watche the clock, I have replayed this day over and over in my head, the time she went in to surgery when we got to see her, how I praised God for letting her live through surgery how I was so excited to tell you all...
How now...it's just awful..
I miss her so much......

[Robert]

So sorry again. It's so hard when it happens. Just know she is looking down and keeping an eye out for you

[molly muffin]

Grief can be overwhelming and down right debilitating. It strikes sometimes when least expected. The memories are sharp and painful. Like a knife has cut out your heart.
I wish there was a vaccine for the pain but it is not to be. We have to some how figure out the way for each of us to get through it and it takes however long it takes. Till one day you will remember the good times more than the bad of this past week.
It hurts because the love is so much and that love is something that never goes away.

[Thirsty Frenchy]

Hi Again Bonnie - I posted on the 27th to give my condolences, and then we lost our boy on the morning of the 28th. Now I am reading your posts about what you and your husband are going through, and it resonates all to true for me and my husband right now. It is just the most horrific experience. We are with you. I am also reading through the posts from our community on here to try and get some more solace. We are held by others who have gone before us in grief. I have to trust our families will make it through this time and find a richer sense of life as the acute pain dissipates.

[mytil]

Bonnie,

Firstly what you are feeling is normal. I know these words do not make the pain and numbness any less severe. And yes it is excruciating and you want to crawl into a hole ---- I (along with many here) know this first hand too. I actually went into a very deep depression after I lost my girl years ago and can say there is an end to it. But you need to go through the grieving process and never think loosing it for while is wrong, because it isn't.

Terry

[pansywags]

Bonnie,

You will stop crying one day. Maybe not today, but one day you will - but you'll never stop loving Aggie.

If you feel it would help to be around like-minded people, check your local humane society for pet loss support groups. All the ones around here have them.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

[molly muffin]

Hi Bonnie, checking in to see how you and Joe are doing.

[Bonnie0420]

Sharlene, u are so thoughtful. Today was rough, actually the whole week was, been replaying everyday over and over in my head. Still seconded guessing things but that's normal I'm sure.
it was a week ago today, it's hard, we stayed away from the house as much as we could this weekend, just kept thinking about what we were doing last weekend...
This morning was hard..driving to work last week thinking she was doing better only to get the "call". It stormed tonight, Aggie hated storms, Joe and I just looked at each other, we didn't need to say anything..didn't need to go make sure her bed was in her "safe" place...she always would get on her bed on the floor next to HER HUMAN bed and stay there till the storm would pass. We always would laugh because that is the only time she would ever lay on a "dog" bed (she really didn't know she was a dog!!)
The house is SO quite and lonely...
It's only been a week but it seems like forever....I miss that face....
We both try so hard not to cry, we know she wouldn't want us to be like this....it's hard....
I don't know....just hurts...miss her....trying...all the emotions. My brain tells me it's ok, it's normal, it will ease..my heart says otherwise at times.
Won't mention the website but there was another one for grieving but man it was so depressing...and I'm not saying people shouldn't be depressed lord knows I am...but I thought maybe I would check it out...I just couldn't handle it.
it's been hard to come on here and always see my log on Aggies Mom, but I am, I am Aggies Mom, hard to see the word cushings...just makes me angry, but I do know,. You all more then anyone understand.....
Joe brought up getting "another" dog, I flipped, I'm trying to take into consideration his feelings as well as mine, but NO WAY, not now...and I told him, your looking for a replacement and you CAN NOT replace her, it's not fair to another dog right now...we have to be ready to open our hearts and understand that there will NEVER be another Aggie, we need to be able to learn to love another furbaby for its character, personality etc...he just cried...all he kept saying was I miss her so much, I don't like coming home....Me having to be the strong one sucks!
Loosing Aggie has left a hole in my heart and in time, it will be easier, I will be able to talk about her and joke about the funny things she did, how SHE allowed us to live in HER house....but for now...it just hurts....
Xoxo

[Robert]

It so tough....real day at a time time. Praying for you hubby and Aggie. Different people get dogs at different times after the bubs pass...I'm single so make the decision and after both dogs passed got my new bubs two weeks after...their not replacements....they are their own liiexselfs...I have two dogs physically here and four here in spirit. But I also understand a gazillion per cent not wanting too...everyone grieves and acts different during the process

[Bonnie0420]

Thank you Robert,
I just think we need to get through the grieving first and then decided. I'm not opposed to it, just not ready...
I honestly think part of this is just the loneliness Joe is feeling right now, (not that I'm not cause it's awful) the empty house coming home and that sweet little wiggle butt that always greeted us at the door....had animals all my life and not that I didn't love each and everyone of them...I had a Carian terrier that was 4 months shy of 20, when I lost her, I felt like I had lost my grandmother as she had given her to me....Aggie, she is different then any dog I or my husband have ever had...
When the time is right we will know it but for now I just think it's best we hold off....

[Harley PoMMom]

Hi Bonnie,

Loving them is so very easy, and losing them, well, it sure is hard. Grieving for them is natural, and there is no set time for how long it takes. We grieve for them deeply because we love them deeply as they are our furkids, and their memories will always live on in our hearts.

And remember if you ever need us we are here for you and Joe always.

((((HUGS)))) Lori

[Robert]

Thank you Robert,
I just think we need to get through the grieving first and then decided. I'm not opposed to it, just not ready...
I honestly think part of this is just the loneliness Joe is feeling right now, (not that I'm not cause it's awful) the empty house coming home and that sweet little wiggle butt that always greeted us at the door....had animals all my life and not that I didn't love each and everyone of them...I had a Carian terrier that was 4 months shy of 20, when I lost her, I felt like I had lost my grandmother as she had given her to me....Aggie, she is different then any dog I or my husband have ever had...
When the time is right we will know it but for now I just think it's best we hold off....
It's such a hard time. Thinking of and praying for you, joe and Aggie.

[molly muffin]

Being ready is something you just feel I think. Because just like animals, all people too are unique, it won't be the same for everyone and the reasons to get another pet now or later, won't be the same either. So there is no right or wrong answer.

When one of my cats, this was years ago, and they were my babies, had to be put to sleep due to a serious injury, I couldn't stand the thought of another cat, refused the vet who had a rescue litter in no uncertain terms. And then a friend, went back to the vet and picked up one of those kittens and brought it home. It slept on my pillow even as I swore I didn't want it and that cat, survived so much and finally passed at the old age of 21, at my moms and dads side. (they took him when I couldn't stand the thought of putting him in quarantine in Hawaii, then wouldn't give him back). :)

When later in life, my cat and golden retriever who I'd had both since babies, passed within a couple months of each other, it was awful. I still have never gotten another cat, although I love them and play with them at the rescue all the time. There will just never be another Tipsy. My molly came to us, a year after losing my golden, I found myself looking at rescues and getting pre approved for adoption, and then one day there she was. My husband picked her up and she has been ours ever since. That was 11 years ago. She is 12 now.

It just is what it is and nothing can change it. No time is perfect, but there will be a time that feels right to you both.

hugs

[Budsters Mom]

Rosie arrived and literally saved me from myself five days after losing Buddy. Up until then, I was a total basket case. I was numb. I didn't sleep the entire time. The first time that I was able to sleep at all, was the the night I brought her home. I don't remember eating much of anything during that time and I lost my purse and had no idea where I left it. I was off on summer break from work and had no place that I had to be. Basically, nothing to pull me out of myself and to get me functioning again. I stand corrected. Rosie is not the only thing that saved me from myself at that time. This forum here with their loving group of angels stayed with me 24/7 (taking shifts) when I had no one else, so I wouldn't be alone with my grief. A lot of the time, I wasn't able to say anything, but they knew I was there and that love was so very powerful and meaningful.

You are not alone with your grief. Many of us have been where you are now. It hurts like hell! Adopting a new baby when it's time, does not replace your lost love. Buddy has been gone almost 2 years now. I miss him as much as ever, but having Rosie here does help.

Hugs,
Kathy

[Bonnie0420]

We got our baby girls ashes. Seems like this has started all over again....they actually called Monday, one week from from the day. Joe didn't tell me, bless his heart...
I sang somewhere over the rainbow over and over to her, only song I could think of to sing to her when we were trying so hard to keep her alive...
Joe bought me the new josh groban cd...guess what song he sang....
Miss my baby girl
So sad..so unfair...

[Norts Mom]

Sending big hugs your way. You are in my thoughts. I am so sorry for the hurt in your hearts.

[Harley PoMMom]

Dearest Bonnie, Sending you and Joe huge, loving and comforting hugs

[Robert]

Yer life really does suck at times. No consolation I know but Aggie is home.

[Bonnie0420]

Just checking in. Wanted to say hi to everyone and thank you again for all the support.
We got 2 sympathy cards I the mail from Blue Pearl where Aggie had her surgery. All the nurses and even the Doctor wrote us such nice messages, and they were my your typical type, sorry for your loss, deepest sympathy etc. they all actually wrote and mentioned Aggie, what a sweet girl she was, how they could tell how much we loved her, how they tried, it's was so special and so hard all at the same time but it really helped Joe and I to know, they cared.
Miss my baby girl so much.
My newest irrational behavior is I cry every time I sweep and have to empty the container. It's always got some Aggie hair in it and I feel like I'm just sweeping her away!! It's so silly...tonight I did better, now I just look in the dining room at her urn and say baby girl, you and your hair are ,going to always haunt me aren't you...
Missing her.....

[molly muffin]

That was so very nice of the hospital and all the doctors and nurses to write something personal. That I am sure was hard for them to do too as they all tried so hard. Each one of you really gave it your all, including Aggie.

It's the little things isn't it. They just can hit you the hardest. The big things, well those you know are there and you try to adjust to them but those little ones, a hair, a sound, a smell, they just hit you like a baseball bat with a memory and well, it sucks. Won't lie, it does. You know that already.
When you know you are adjusting and dealing with it all is when they hit you (and they always will when you least expect it) and instead of tears, it will bring a smile.

[Trish]

Hi Bonnie

Popping in to send a big hug and let you know still thinking of you and Aggie, glad she is back home with you. Trish x

[Bonnie0420]

Hey everyone, hope you all had a safe Memorial Day. Today just sucked...just really sucked. It was a month ago today we lost our baby girl....does the crying ever stop? (Sigh). I have got to snap out of this....don't want to be in the house, don't want to work in the yard, tonight joe and I just took off and went for a drive...had to get away. He is so sad, I'm sad...I know grieving takes time, I know that things are going to happen, I know there are going to be times that will be good and there will be days like today but dang....this just sucks....so greatful to have a place I can just come and vent...

[Budsters Mom]

Yes Bonnie,

Some days do suck! No one understands it better than us around here. Hopefully as time passes there will be less sucky days and happy memories will seep through. It has been almost 2 years since my Buddy flew. Some days still suck for me even now. Be very gentle with yourself and extra patient with your very loving and sensitive hubby.

Drop in and chat with us whenever you want or need to.

Hugs,
Kathy

[Robert]

Yer nearly two years since tommy left and still have tears for him sometimes....but so glad for the 14 and a half years my mate boof was with me. Hang in there.... It does get easier.

[mytil]

Oh Bonnie you come here anytime as we all understand and many have gone through the pain.

The hardest part is that grieving takes its own pace and really it is something that one cannot snap out of it. Take your time and be kind to yourselves.

I too felt the same after loosing my pups years ago and even to this day shed a tear or two simply because I miss them. I do smile a lot though at the wonderful memories me and my Mytilda and Clancy had knowing I had the privilege to have both of them in my life.

Please do stay with us. It does get easier over time.
(((hugs)))
Terry

[labblab]

Oh Bonnie, my heart absolutely goes out to you and Joe. Even though it has been ten years now since I lost my beloved Cushpup, I will never forget the raw pain that wracked both my mind and my body. Until he was gone, I had absolutely no idea how much it would hurt. I cried literally every day until the moment we brought home our sweet puppy Peg, three months later. We had never intended to get another dog so soon -- it just happened. And in no way am I suggesting that is the right thing for you and Joe. It may be something or someone entirely different that finally helps to shift your daily focus away from the loss, even just for a bit, and back to looking towards the future. For the sake of your hearts, I hope that day comes sooner rather than later. But there are some things that just take their own time and cannot be rushed.

At first I worried that I was being disloyal to Barkis -- that if the tears stopped, he would think I had forgotten him. But I could never forget him, and never will. My precious baby boy. I know Aggie was your precious baby girl, and always will remain so.

I am so deeply sorry for your loss and your pain.

Marianne

[apollo6]

Dear Bonnie
a belated sorry for the loss of your beautiful Aggie. We have these angels on loan for such a short time. But the love, joy, laughter, companionship, loyalty touches our lives forever. They bury their way into our hearts and become a part of us forever.
I lost my baby, Apollo almost 3 years ago, and only now am I able to live with it a bit. I was so lucky to have this little angel in my life, one month short of 14. And even when he was going through Cushing and was grateful for every moment I had with him till the end. I have my moments when the tears and sadness still comes, and I just let it happen, because I loved him so much. I thought my heart was ripped out of my chest the day he died. I cried everyday and night for months. He was my one and only. The emptiness was so overpowering. I did not think I would ever get another dog. After 4 months, I felt Apollo was pushing me to get another dog. I did adopt a rescue dachshund, named him Ariel. He has helped me a lot. But no one can replace my baby. I sometimes ask Apollo to help Ariel with his fears and anxiety. I miss him every day. Only you will know what is right. I wanted time to grieve my loss. And there are days still when out of the blue I cry and that is okay.
Sonja and Angel Apollo
Please let us help you through this very difficult time. We are hear to love, support and give you comfort.

[Bonnie0420]

Well folks sit back and relax, this it going to be a long one...and please excuse spelling and grammar, I've had a couple of glasses of wine.
Between tears, heartache, letting go and the wine of course!!! It's been an interesting day.
We have talked and talked about getting another "family member". Dog is just NOT what I want or need.. finally today I think I kind of sort or figured it out...not that anyone needs to know my life story but..you get it anyways...Feb 27th I blew my back out....couldn't walk was in constant pain for over two weeks....fast forward, going through pain therapy......hurts like the dikens but it's helping(better the surgery) next appt is Jun 9th...rewind. My dad who will be 84 jun 6th was put in the hospital first part of April, blood clots all over, almost lost his leg because of it (won't go into all of that) but it was horrible...his veins are crap and not a whole lot we can do....5 major surgeries.....fast forward on my dad, 5 weeks later we get to bring him home (thank god!). He is a pill and my poor mother. So that was driving back and forth for weeks and no time for me to do what needed to be done for me (back issues, you do what you have to do!). Then we had my sweet baby girl...well, we all know, we lost her...NOT dismissing this....fast forward. backing up to my dad we brought him home last weekend, Helped Mom, got him situated .......back to me, next pain shot etc etc...back to Aggie, went through the surgery, the hours sitting at the vet hospital, trying to get her to eat, making the decision to bring here home, loosing her 2 days later........I think this weekend the POOP hit the fan....I think everything finally hit me..I've had time to actually dwell for lack of a better word and now I'm reflecting....I feel guilty, feel like I didn't do enough..feel like I didn't acknowledge Aggies symptoms soon enough, feel like it's all my fault....I can't stop crying, I Miss her so much....I hate this house, I hate being home, I feel so empty....and now....the bomb shell....we need this house to be alive again....and in the midst of all of this...we found a puppy who will be 8 weeks old and we bought her....OMG..I'm excited but sad, I'm mixed with emotions....but here is the kicker...and why I think it's almost a sign...British Labs are very hard to find and that is what we want...so last week Joe asked me if we could maybe look, knowing that you have to get on a list more or less with, breeders. So I emailed several of them....most were like, Sure come late fall. Next jan/feb...wellll, I had a breeder contact me back, said he knew of a personal friend who was a private breeder that had just had a litter....the lines in the dogs was incredible (don't really care as she will be a family member NOT a hunting dog etc).
Basically I told everyone that I had contacted that we were NOT looking for a hunting dog, just a family member, and I know sometimes dogs don't work out, but if they knew of a black female to let me know....I explained to them that we had lost our baby girl and what had happened....
So this one breeder.....sends me a message tells me about this guy....I call him and he has 2 girls not spoken for......tell him I need to talk to my husband...he is fine with that and totally understands, just lost his "pal" In dec...we continue to talk....after a 45 minute Conversation with me crying, him telling me it's ok...says, take the next couple of days I promise I won't sell them....I ask a few more questions....the pups were born the day Aggie died.....my brain said no freaking way...my heart said, where there is a death, there is a birth....it's a sign...Aggie is telling me Mom don't be sad....spoil another one like you spoiled me....so. Jun 20th we are driving 10hrs to get our new baby....
Which....now I feel like I'm trying to replace Aggie and I'm not but OMG. It's just all caught up with me and I'm a mess.

[labblab]

Omigosh Bonnie, reading your post brings tears to my eyes. Tears of sorrow for all the stress and pain and challenges you've endured. But now also tears of gratitude that this new baby girl will be bringing new life and new love to your home and to your hearts! You would not be human if you did not have mixed feelings, and these will continue. But I do believe that the instant you hold this new puppy in your arms, the focus of your thoughts will change. Because she will need you to take care of her, and as you do, your life will have purpose once again. There will be a reason to get up every morning and you will fall into bed exhausted at night (oh, the energy it takes to keep up with a Lab puppy!!! :o). It won't be easy and it won't be perfect and you will definitely never replace Aggie. But I do believe this new little spirit will grab both your hearts in her own way. A brand new story, just beginning. I so hope you will share every chapter with us, all along the way! :)

Marianne

[doxiesrock912]

Bonnie, I felt the exact same way and then thought "this is Daisy's legacy, for no to help another dog in need just as I helped her, ♡."

Shortly after this, we found Bella, a long haired standard dachshund at the Humane Society. This was her second time there through no faltered of her own. First, she was rescued from down south and adopted. Then her new mom was involved in a domestic violence situation and Bella went back to the shelter.

She took to me immediately and I couldn't leave her there. She was so skittish, any noise sent her hiding under my bed for hours. Since September, she's come far enough that she barks instead of hides. :-)

Dogs love us unconditionally, Aggie would want you to have furry love again.

[molly muffin]

Awww, hugs Bonnie.

We always say, there is no wrong time, only the right time for a new addition after suffering such a loss. This for all of you, sounds to be the right time.

We will want pictures as Marianne said and to hear all the incredible stories you will have. Exhaustion, definitely a puppy is high energy and I bet is just what you both need right now to help heal the hurt in your heats.

This little one will be a healer in many ways, of this I am sure.

hugs

[Thirsty Frenchy]

Go Bonnie! Go spoil this new girl with all you and Joe have to offer! Yes, the date of her birth does mean so much. Like you, the 1 week marker of Attila's death was difficult, and like you, tomorrow's 1 month mark will also be difficult in its significance Im sure. Personally, Im not ready for a new dog, but I do want to fill that visceral loss I feel. In the meantime, Im still trying to honor him in different ways each day. It sounds like you and Joe have the space to welcome this new spirit into your home. Im thrilled for you!
Best, Laura