new, is this where I post? new diabetes diagnosis - Sweet Cosmo has passed

[jas77450]

I am new...and very desperate...where do I start?

new...is this the end?

Glad I found you. Maybe too late. Sorry if this is short for now but am desperate right now. My yorkie was dx c cushings about 2 years ago. I s on trilostane. Other health issues, 2 degree heart block, not new, chronic pancreatitis, gall bladder sludge...on meds for this, enlarged liver. Chronic skin, eye, ear, bladder infections with peeing and pooping blood. 2 weeks ago went to vet bc he was bleeding from between penis and skin around it, moderate blood, no cause identified...put on antibiotics for eye and other? infection. WBC was high. bleeding stopped...at that time trilostane was increased to 40 mg, 30 in am and 10 in pm. tues he vomited in am and pm, did not eat all day. Same yesterday...took him in and had bs( glucose over 500. ) IV fluids given but no insulin due to not eating. Has not had antibiotics or gall bladder med or trilostane for 3 days now. Took him home last night and brought him back this am as instructed. BS was now 700. Still has not eaten...Vet said she would force feed and give insulin and to call at noon for update. Called, had not done glucose yet. Said she would and call me w results...Still no word.
He has a huge distended hard abdomen...makes breathing hard. Hair keeps thinning, most of it is gone. Still drinks and pees like crazy, worse now w elevated BS.,alp was 1600. urine glucose 2000, moderate keytones, eye infection worse, blood in urine...pancreatitis still bad...
Besides all this...he has fluxating patellas and sometimes he can't even walk. He was very active and spunky but just lays around, has for a long time but worse last few months.He carries his beloved ball with him but lays it beside him. I used to roll it right to him and he got excited and roll it back...now no attempt.
From what I've read here so far...when bs is elevated...esp 700 and not eating...day 3 now...most didn't make it...any advice appreciated... is he dying? Please help" Thanks in advance.

forgot to add weight 20 lbs and climbing, all belly
Last edited by jas77450; Today at 03:45 PM.

[Squirt's Mom]

You got it, sweetie. Start chatting... we are here to listen and help any way we can. And welcome! First thing you need to know right now - Cushing's is NOT necessarily a death sentence. ;) So take a breath and let's talk a while.

[Squirt's Mom]

Just hit the "Post reply" button and you are ready to go!

[jas77450]

Glad I found you. Maybe too late. Sorry if this is short for now but am desperate right now. My yorkie was dx c cushings about 2 years ago. I s on trilostane. Other health issues, 2 degree heart block, not new, chronic pancreatitis, gall bladder sludge...on meds for this, enlarged liver. Chronic skin, eye, ear, bladder infections with peeing and pooping blood. 2 weeks ago went to vet bc he was bleeding from between penis and skin around it, moderate blood, no cause identified...put on antibiotics for eye and other? infection. WBC was high. bleeding stopped...at that time trilostane was increased to 40 mg, 30 in am and 10 in pm. tues he vomited in am and pm, did not eat all day. Same yesterday...took him in and had bs( glucose over 500. ) IV fluids given but no insulin due to not eating. Has not had antibiotics or gall bladder med or trilostane for 3 days now. Took him home last night and brought him back this am as instructed. BS was now 700. Still has not eaten...Vet said she would force feed and give insulin and to call at noon for update. Called, had not done glucose yet. Said she would and call me w results...Still no word.
He has a huge distended hard abdomen...makes breathing hard. Hair keeps thinning, most of it is gone. Still drinks and pees like crazy, worse now w elevated BS. alp was 1600. urine glucose 2000, moderate keytones, eye infection worse, blood in urine...pancreatitis still bad...
Besides all this...he has fluxating patellas and sometimes he can't even walk. He was very active and spunky but just lays around . He carries his beloved ball with him but lays it beside him. I used to roll it right to him and he got excited and roll it back...now no attempt.
From what I've read here so far...when bs is elevated...esp 700 and not eating...day 3 now...most didn't make it...any advice appreciated... is he dying? Please help" Thanks in advance.

[Harley PoMMom]

You want to keep all information about your dog here in your thread.

[Squirt's Mom]

Please go to our sister site, k9diabetes, and register asap - http://k9diabetes.com/forum. They are the experts in diabetes and can direct you. We have member here who are dealing with both conditions and I am sure they will be by when they see your title, which I have changed to reflect diabetes.

Hit the reply button and post in the box that opens. Keep all info about this baby in this thread so you and we have the history handy if needed. ;)

[Harley PoMMom]

Please, please STOP the Trilostane. If he is passing ketones this has to addressed NOW, he needs to be at the vet or taken to an emergency clinic. Is he passing ketones right now?

[jas77450]

I am not sure which post to use seeing I've started 2. what to do?
He has not had any meds for last 3 days due to vomiting and not eating. I took him to vet yesterday for above, that's when he had blood in urine, 500+ glucose! eye infection....labs posted.

They kept him til 11pm last night on IV fluids. Did not give insulin due to not eating. Took him home at about 1130 pm then back this am. They restarted him on IV fluids again. Since he,s not eating they were going to force feed and give insulin. His glucose this am was 700 , with mod. keytones. So, he went from 500 plus to 700 in about 8 hours. Still not updated since then...WAITING.
Thank you both for your quick replies, advice, and encouragement.
I have been a basket case...you have truly helped.
Be patient with me...I will get the hang of this site.
oh, and thank you for adding the diabetic part, good thinking.

[Squirt's Mom]

You're in the right place now and doing great! Do go register at K9diabetes and get their input, too.

I would be calling and calling and calling but then I tend to be a pest when my baby was in the hospital. In fact, she had surgery a few years ago and the hospital finally set a schedule when THEY would call ME with a report. :D

Let us know when you hear from them!

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

come on over to the K9 diabetes forum but they should be giving him SOME insulin even if he is not eating. Most doggie ER's use "r" insulin, fast acting insulin that they can monitor.

I'm worried they do not seem to know what they are doing. I'll copy this thread to Natalie. Sometimes she can talk to vets and get them to do what they should be doing if she has time and permission

[jas77450]

Squirts mom,
they just called and said the ultrasound was done and to pick him up at 6:00 today. Asked about blood sugar and they said they would talk when I came in.
I will register with the diabetes site...thanks. I think I need to be a little more assertive lol.
BTW, how do I delete the second post I started. I have pasted the info into the original post?

[jas77450]

Please, please STOP the Trilostane. If he is passing ketones this has to addressed NOW, he needs to be at the vet or taken to an emergency clinic. Is he passing ketones right now?

yes he is spilling keytones, moderate. He is at vet again, will get him at 6 pm.

[jas77450]

Thanks Jenny and Judy.
I'm getting ready to go get him, they said they would talk to me then. As of now I have no idea what his BS is or the plan.
I will sign up with that site after I get him back and settled.
Please do copy a link...Again, thank you.
I d like to hear more about how yours is doing since he/she has both.

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

here is the link: http://k9diabetes.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2

if you read this while you are waiting to get in, please get results of all tests to share with us.

He needs insulin if he is in the 700's! our rule of thumb is generally that dogs can handle half of their normal dose if they don't eat anything.

ketones can be life threatening. keep us posted

[k9diabetes]

Hi,

I'm the administrator of the diabetes forum.

Are you in an area large enough to have a specialty veterinary clinic?

Your dog needs to receive insulin regardless of whether he's eating or not - and he's not likely to want to eat while having ketones, high blood sugar, etc.

It sounds to me like this vet clinic is in over their head and does not know how to treat properly. Treating ketoacidosis involves not only subQ fluids but also IV insulin.

Your dog is small and they may be anxious about having to give a very small amount, but the ketoacidosis is not going to clear up until some insulin is given.

Let us know what the vet tells you when you pick him up. You may need to take him to an emergency / specialty clinic tonight if his blood sugar is still very high and he still has significant ketones.

Natalie

[jas77450]

here is the link: http://k9diabetes.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2

if you read this while you are waiting to get in, please get results of all tests to share with us.

He needs insulin if he is in the 700's! our rule of thumb is generally that dogs can handle half of their normal dose if they don't eat anything.

ketones can be life threatening. keep us posted

will get back w info.

[jas77450]

Hi,

I'm the administrator of the diabetes forum.

Are you in an area large enough to have a specialty veterinary clinic?

Your dog needs to receive insulin regardless of whether he's eating or not - and he's not likely to want to eat while having ketones, high blood sugar, etc.

It sounds to me like this vet clinic is in over their head and does not know how to treat properly. Treating ketoacidosis involves not only subQ fluids but also IV insulin.

Your dog is small and they may be anxious about having to give a very small amount, but the ketoacidosis is not going to clear up until some insulin is given.

Let us know what the vet tells you when you pick him up. You may need to take him to an emergency / specialty clinic tonight if his blood sugar is still very high and he still has significant ketones.

Natalie

I will fill you in when I get back. Thank you. I live just outside of Houston.

[k9diabetes]

Ah, that's good. You're also not all that far from Texas A&M, which I think is one of the better vet schools in terms of caring for diabetic dogs. Oddly, though, their influence doesn't seem to translate to a lot of really great vets in Texas...

Natalie

[Squirt's Mom]

Mornin' sweetie,

How is your baby boy doing?

[jas77450]

just back from vet, will post update shortly.

[jas77450]

yesterday's results, 9/18
9:30 am. glu. 689. 2units insulin. Humulin I think.
12:10 pm. 551
6:15 pm. 469. 2 units insulin

WBC. 22.23, 17.87 on 9/17 (6-17)
NEU. 19.31, 15.49 on 9/17 (3-12)
LY. 8.3 , 8.2 on 9/17 (12-30)
MO. 4.2, 3.6 on 9/17 (2-4)
PLT. 580, 785 on 9/17. (200-500)

WBC went up inspite of IV antibiotics.

Other tests on 9/17

glu 585 (60-110) no insulin given...not eating...moderate keytones
blood in urine, urine keytones 2000
ALP 1533 (20-150) BUN 45 (7-25) PHOS 0.1 (2.9-6.6)

[jas77450]

sorry, ran out of space

Ultrasound
moderate prostatomegaly, r/o BPH
Bilateral adrenomegaly, r/0 PDH
Marked enlargement of pancreas, hypoechoic lobules consistent with edematous pancreatitis. Local peritonitis present.
Marked gallbladder distention with sludge.
Marked hepatomegaly consistent with steroid hepatopathy and glycogen deposition.
Norman spleen. Empty stomache.
DX, pancreatitis, steroid hepatopathy/glycogen deposition.

Just to add, both knee caps slip out so he has hard time walking.

This am 9/19 his glu 689. He is at vets on IVF's, will give insulin and antibiotics. Has small keytones now. Vet said no IVF's tomorrow but that's all I know til I pick him up at 5 pm.

I want to thank everyone for your help, concern and support. Some think I should put him down...maybe I should but he is everything to me. Got him at 4 months old. Was my buddy through empty nest syndrome. Can't imagine life without him. I don't want to be selfish and let him suffer eighther. As you can see he has multiple severe problems and only getting worse. So hard to watch him work to breathe due to his enormous belly. He is snorting more too. Anyone else experiencing this?

[jas77450]

Squirt's mom,

Thank you for checking. I posted update above.

I was reading your post to another new member and am interested in finding out more about your decision to stop meds. I have been contemplating this myself as I see no results from the trilostane except his water and food consumption decreased. Now with the diabetes he's back to drinking and peeing like crazy, only he's not eating now. Hair loss is spread all over except his head, belly continues to get bigger...it's hard as a rock and huge!!! Looks like he's going to explode. This is tough as it impedes his breathing. Bottom line, after almost 2 years it's getting worse not better. I am beginning to think it's not worth it.
Sounds like Squirt has done well the year after you stopped. Does he/she have other problems like Cosmo? I know I have to treat the diabetes and give him gall bladder med but not sure about continuing the trilostane.
We were at vet 2 weekd ago with internal bleeding, been going to vet and staying all day starting on Tues. It is very expensive and I will continue, I just don't see where it's helping. Sounds like you are at peace and enjoying your little guy. Glad to here. Can you share your babies diet?

[jas77450]

I'm off to your site Harley Pommom and k9diabetes. Thank you again!

[jas77450]

today 9/19
Picked up Cosmo just now,
received IVF's, IV antibiotics. Ate this am but not since. Vomited at vets, was given nausea med, vomited again when we got home.

BP 244/145 HR 120

glucose 9:20 am, 689 2 units Novalin
12:55, 489
5:30 pm, 478
will give 3 units insulin at 8 pm
he's not interested in food and still vomiting, is it still ok to give at 8.

[labblab]

Hi Cosmo's Mom, please be sure to post this question about insulin over on the diabetes forum, OK? They will know much better how to guide you.

Marianne

[labblab]

I just checked at k9diabetes.com and am not seeing a thread over there for you. Have you registered there yet?

This is where you need to go, OK?

http://www.k9diabetes.com/forum/

[jas77450]

registered but wouldn't let me post...said it needed to be approved.

[labblab]

Shucks, I'll try to contact Natalie the Administrator to speed up your approval...

[labblab]

Did you register with the same username over there?

[k9diabetes]

I approved your membership a few hours ago. You might have tried to post to an archive thread that is closed to posting. Go to the main diabetes discussion area, be sure you are logged in with rhe Remember Me box checked, and start a new thread.

Am on my phone at the moment so can't post in detail right now.

Natalie

[k9diabetes]

I think it is fine to give 3 units given how high his blood sugar is. They can have up to half of their normal dose with no food when their blood sugar is a lot lower than his.

[labblab]

Thanks, Natalie!

[jas77450]

yes , same user name. It took me a while but it went through. I think I posted on the wrong thread...it's under biography.
I appreciate your concern.

[jas77450]

Thanks lab lab and Natalie...I had trouble posting but got it under wrong thread I think. It's in biography.

I gave the 3 units.

BTW my vet is from A&M, she offered to send him to a specialist and wants to send him sometime next week to A&M. Good to know they are good with diabetes. What about cushings?

Since he has both should I just post on diabetic forum, here or both?

[k9diabetes]

For diabetes advice, best to post on the diabetes forum as there are many people besides myself there who can offer support. I just moved your thread there to the main diabetes discussion area.

You are also always welcome to email me if you have a more urgent question: k9diabetes@gmail.com

I get to my email more often throughout the day than to the forum.

There are only a few vet schools in the country that have impressed me. Many of them are far behind cutting-edge diabetes management instead of in front of it. So it says a lot about Texas A&M that I have a positive attitude about them.

With all that's going on with Cosmos, I think a specialist would be the best person to manage his many issues.

Natalie

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi sweetie,

I hope you and Cosmo had a decent night.

As for my decision to stop meds for Squirt - she was 15+ at the time, had just had a seizure from Proin and almost didn't make it. Not long after this she had to go to the vet because she was limping pretty badly and I didn't have any clue what was wrong. She was so stressed it took several to hold her for the exam and the next day she could barely move she was so sore. At her age, I just couldn't ask her to keep going for tests and taking nasty tasting things every day. Nor did she want any more of that - she was tired and simply wanted to live out her days. So I let her.

But Squirt and Cosmo are not the same medically. She did not have diabetes to deal with as well. Her Cushing's story is a bit different - she started out with only elevated intermediate hormones (after a tumor and half her spleen were removed) and didn't become true cushionoid for several years. When her cortisol went up, we used Lysodren and she was easily maintained.

My decision was one born of her declining body and mind, and firmed by her desire to stop it all - meds, vets, everything. I wanted her last days to be ones she and I would remember with joy, not stress. And that is what we had. My Sweet Bebe crossed The Bridge this May, a little over a year after this decision.

Cosmo is younger and both these conditions need to be controlled to make the other easier to control. Both are endocrine disorders and both must be managed. If the Cushing's is not controlled, the diabetes will be harder to control and vice versa. So Cosmo and Squirt can't really be compared and stopping treatment for him isn't a viable possibility. ;)

You are in a huge learning curve right now and I know you are overwhelmed with not only what is going on with your sweet boy but by all the info flying at you...sailing right over your head with a whooshing sound. :D But you are doing fine...keep working, keep asking, keep reading, keep listening and in no time you will be a pro at this.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[labblab]

I agree with Natalie that I think it would be best to have Cosmo seen by a specialist. And I agree with Leslie that both the Cushing's and diabetes must be managed jointly in order for Cosmo to get better.

One question: Is Cosmo getting his trilostance once or twice daily? For diabetic dogs, it is specifically recommended that the total daily dosage be divided in half and given in twelve hour intervals. This is the kind of information that a specialist may be more familiar with, and why a referral can be so helpful.

Marianne

[jas77450]

Natalie,
Thank you for the email info. Good to have this in case. And for recommendation .

Leslie,
Thanks for the encouragement, it's really needed right now.

I was about to give up vets, meds, but I can see the difference in your bebe vs Cosmo. You are right, I need to manage both. It's just discouraging after being on Trilostane for 2 years and not seeing any results, instead he's getting worse.

I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you had that year to enjoy Your little Squirt.

Marianne

He is getting Tramadol twice a day. Thank you for the advice, much appreciated.

UPDATE

Went to vet again this am, his fasting glucose was 702. We had discussed sending him to A& M next week but was advised to go to ER there today. They are keeping him and going to do CRI., IV insulin which is what Natalie said he needed. Internal medicine will see him tomorrow for this, Cushings, confirmed pancreatitis and other issues. It was so hard to leave him there as it is 2 hrs each way, if something went wrong Id have a hard time getting there in time. I know he is in good hands. Your input makes me feel better and has helped me make good decisions. Thank you all !!!
Boy is this going to be expensive.

[Squirt's Mom]

You're such a good mom! Hang in there, sweetie, you got a host of folks with now, TWO new families! :)

[molly muffin]

If Natalie thinks that A&M is the best place for Cosmo then I am sure that is the place to be.
He has a lot going on and having a good team working on his case gives him the best chance going forward and he can go forward that is what you have to hold on to when it looks impossible and tough.

Sending you big hugs. I know you are very worried and with cause, but we are here for you any time.

Sharlene and molly muffin

[jas77450]

Thanks. Will go see him at 3 pm today and meet with vet. Internist saw him at midnight and said he wasn't looking too good, but just saw him and he is alert, spunky and eating. glucose down in 300's. I am really impressed with A&M .

Loving my new canine family! Makes this a lot easier.

[jas77450]

Quick update,
Cosmo is still in ICU but off insulin drip. Doing more tests tomorrow. Restarted Trilostane today.
Vet just called and said his BP is shooting way up...he's been very agitated and restless since we left so they were going to have to sedate him. Was asked to please not come see him. Tough.

Question,
vet stated average life expectancy after Cushings dx was 2 years. He was optimistic tho because he is hanging in there inspite of not being controlled and other problems. Anyone here mind sharing on this.
We are at 2 now.

[Squirt's Mom]

That 2-year crap is just that - CRAP! That is the biggest myth in the Cushing's world and tells me this vet doesn't have much experience with Cushing's or they would know that themselves. That myth is very old and some vets haven't caught on to the fact that things have changed over the last decade or so with better treatment options, better understanding of the disease and drugs used, AND parents that are more aware and involved in their baby's care.

Cushing's is typically an old dog condition and this is another basis for this myth. Used to, a cush pup wasn't diagnosed until the disease was well progressed and the dog was already old. Those dogs included as the basis of this myth may have never received proper treatment nor proper care from their owners. We are seeing more and more younger dogs diagnosed with Cushing's just in the 7 years I have been around. Because both the medical community and dog parents are more aware and more can be done for them now.

It does become much more complicated when diabetes makes an appearance but that can be managed as well. So you just put that nonsense out of your mind and tell that doc to do a bit of real world research and get their head OUT of the books for a bit to see how things actually are in the canine cushing's world these days. ;) They really should not be scaring their patients parents like that.

I hope our sweet boy does well today and they start to get a handle on the BG so he and you can relax a bit again.
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

About that "2-year prognosis" -
http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186

[jas77450]

Squirts mom,
I am so glad you are here today. I'm needing someone right now.

Talked to vet a while ago, reported he was very worried about Cosmo last night...as posted he went bazurk after we left and had to get BP meds, it went thru the roof, glu jumped to over 500, they sedated him but had no effect on him at all, he paced and panicked in his cage til early this am, he checked on him every hr last noc, they gave him more meds to sedate him plus meds to settle him down and he finally settled this am. He doesn't want me to come to see him which I can understand. He just doesn't tolerate being left and seeing me just makes it worse. My vet found this out, that's why we treated in day but home at night. I said he needs to come home as soon as possible, it will be easier for him but he's not ready. I've read from someone's post that the only regret they had was that they wouldn't of hospitalized fot the last 5-6 days then home for only 2. I know there isn't a way to predict. I wish I could remember who posted this...I would not forgive myself if something happened while he was there and he died alone. The horrible screeching and crying for me and me walking away would haunt me. I sooooo want to go get him. My heart is breaking.
Glad to hear that it's a myth. Thanks for link,will check it out, and thanks for checking on him!!!

[jas77450]

very good info on 2 yr prognosis , even tho dx was late for him, sounds promising if we get it under control.

[molly muffin]

Oh poor Cosmo, he really doesn't do the being left along thing at all. I can understand the reasoning for you not to go see him, but boy I am sure that is absolutely almost impossible to not do.

I hope they can get him stable so he can come home soon!

Sharlene and molly muffin

[jas77450]

vet called and said Cosmos glu up and even tho he needs to be in ICU for a while he thinks it is causing him more harm due to the stress. They ended up giving him methadone and finally settled for a while. Asked me to go ahead and take him home and we will treat here. Problem is he's still not eating so I can't give meds...I ve tried everything. Pretty lethargic...If we don't get things going in right direction soon I don't know if he's going to make it.

Sharlene and Leslie, thanks for sharing. Yes, I have 2 families now. Thank God...to hard to go it alone.

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

I'm glad he is coming home. can you ask for as many meds as possible in liquid form? that is what we do with my Jenny.

Pancreatitis is really rough and takes a lot out of them, but they can rebound. Jenny had it in January and she was a hurting little dog.

You can give at least 1/2 of his normal dose of insulin even if he isn't eating. you will need to do that.

I hope being at home perks him up a bit. Judi

[apollo6]

Dear Cosmo Mom
It sounds like sweet Cosmo is still fighting. What was said earlier is true. Don't put a number on Cosmo. Apollo was one month short of 14 when he passed. I think he was living with it for 4 years. Each dog is different,and yes there are other complications. We had good days and bad days. Keep posting. We are here for you.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[jas77450]

things not good


went to vet this am, still had blood in urine even tho he had 2 negative urine cultures, WBC up again 25000, BUN and creatinine up, originally only BUN elevated and thought due to dehydration, now he is in kidney failure,
tx w IVF and antibiotics, called A&M, wanted to bring him in but decided to try take care of him here so I could bring him home bc of what happened last time. I don't know if I made the right choice.

went back to vet for more fluids and meds, glu was in high 500's. Vet force fed, brought home and gave insulin and had to force all his pills down his throat, has pain shot. Go back in am if he makes it til then.

I think he's giving up the fight. He quit drinking and peeing at 1:30. With his glu 500's and cushings he usually drinks and pees constantly. Now all he does is lay there...will not wag his tail when I talk to him, usually perks up w his ball, ignored it, he barley lifts his head....

If I take him back to A&M they will poke! prod....if he is dying I want it to be in peace...I think Cosmo is done.

I am so fearful of what is to come...I want to hold him to the end but I am so afraid I won't be able to handle it...don't know how much he will struggle. I'm so scared.

[labblab]

Oh I am so very sorry. I can only imagine how hard these moments are for you tonight. I do not believe Cosmo will struggle, though, if it is his kidneys that are failing. I think he will end up slipping away when the time comes. Although you may not feel as though it is true, you are being so brave to hold him close to your heart and care for him in the peacefulness of his home. You are cradling him, and we are here to sit beside you. Neither of you are alone, not for a moment.

Please let us know how you both are doing, OK?

Sending many, many hugs.
Marianne

[molly muffin]

Oh no. :( I am very very sorry to hear that things have progressed in this direction when we all have been hoping and praying for something different.

I too cannot imagine how very hard this is for you and Cosmo. He has fought a very hard battle the last few days, and his body might just be exhausted and no longer able to keep up the fight. I am sure he knows you are there, even if he doesn't have the strength to wag is tail. Talk to him and tell him everything that you want to share with him. He knows how much you love him and he loves you.

We are here for you, at any time. You do not walk this path alone, every one of us stand with you and support you.

hugs,
Sharlene and molly muffin

[doxiesrock912]

Find the strength to be with him no matter what.

If you're like me, I wouldn't forgive myself if I hadn't been there with Daisy all the way.

Sending prayers and strength Cosmo!

[Trish]

Hi - you made the right choice. I truly believe that the choices we make in situations like this are made from the heart and you are the one closest to Cosmo and how much more he can or cannot take. Keep in close touch with your vet in case anything changes so they can advise you too. Big hugs are coming your way to give you strength and know you can always pop in here and find someone too.

[jas77450]

thank you all, you are making this a little more bearable.
cosmo's breathing is deeper and slower, he still has not drank or peed, he goes from sleeping to standing and staring, I have to untangle his legs when he lays down...He has never been a cuddler but wants me next to him, he wants down when I try to hold him even now, if I lay beside him and pet him he moves, if I move he raises his eyes to watch me. How I wish he'd let me hold him.

[doxiesrock912]

Snuggle next to him. He's not comfortable being held but clearly knows and wants you nearby. Hugs

[Budsters Mom]

Cosmo looks so much like my buddy. I know how very hard this is. :o You are not alone. You are never alone. We are here and we understand because many of us have been through this.

Sending strength and many soothing hugs your way,

[Trish]

Funny things aren't they, some are just not snugglers no matter how much we want them to be, mine is the same. Lie close as he is watching you and knows your close to him. Sweet boy, still wanting some of his independence bless him x

[labblab]

Been thinking about you two all night, and so anxious for an update this morning. Continuing to beam thoughts of peace and comfort to you both.

Marianne

[My sweet Ginger]

It seems right now you are the best medicine any vet can prescribe for your little Cosmo. I'm so glad you brought him home with you so he is not in a strange place with strange faces. How terrifying that'd be for him. I'm praying for you to stay strong for you and Cosmo.
Hugs, Song.

[Squirt's Mom]

Holding you both close in my arms, sweetie.

[molly muffin]

Checking in on you both this morning.
Hoping for the best

Sharlene and Molly muffin

[jas77450]

sorry haven't updated, been extremely busy caring for him.
Cosmo didn't drink or pee for 18 hrs but yesterday morning he drank some, started perking up and drinking more.. drinking fair now but not eating. I have to water down low fat can food and force feed with syringe. He has been getting 10 cc watered down food twice a day, not much. He stays at vets during day for fluids and antibiotics, then home at night. US yesterday showed colitis, he got diarrhea then started pooping blood, medicated for this, so far no stools or bleeding. Vet changed antibiotics and he was more perky this am, he actually trotted to tree and wanted to cross street to pee on pole.

I want to thank all of you...too many to name...for you care' love and prayers...God must be answering them.

Yeah, he looks like Your Buddy!

I am having a real battle getting the slew of meds down him since he won't eat, any suggestions. He used to take them in pill pockets but won't even take those now.

My little guy is such a fighter! So strong. So tough.

Hugs back to all of you.

[Harley PoMMom]

You could try wrapping his pills in cream cheese, peanut butter, or some kind of deli meat such as lean turkey or cheese. Hope Cosmo's appetite picks up real soon.

Hugs, Lori

[jas77450]

Lori,
I tried a piece of lunch meat and it worked for 1 pill. The vet wasn't happy with me, he can't have cream cheese, peanut butter...affects pancreas...she made it clear he can only have that low fat canned she gave me...I tried everything before I got in trouble w her, he wouldn't even eat home cooked chicken anymore.

No more bloody diarrhea, yeah!!!

Stim test a little low, finally controlled but will have to be careful so it won't get too low.

New, high phosphorous...looked it up, most likely cause kidney failure...on another med for this now.

I have to work a 12 hr shift in am, thankful he'll be at vet til noon, son will get him. My first time back to work since this started, going to be. hard. One day at a time.

Thank you all, old and new friends...I treasure and feel your caring. Too many to list.

[jas77450]

Hi all,

first day not at vets and IV, he's feeling better, glu 114-129 today, stim test slightly low, kidney function ok now, still not eating...
what are you all feeding, anything special for cushings?

[doxiesrock912]

No special diet that I know of but i have read to be careful of the fat content and try to stay on the low side.

[My sweet Ginger]

My Ginger stopped eating all together 5 months ago. I tried everything I could think of to no avail. The only thing she didn't spit out was cheese cake so I was still able to give her meds. She still needed foods so I started making purée which was mix of meats, veges and apple sauce (to give it some sweetness) and syringed in the back of her mouth. A little by little she started swallowing the purée. I feed her laying her in my laps just like you'd with a baby which I'm sure is a sight to see.
She seemed to like things that were sweet. Our IMS had already told me to give her anything she likes because something is still better than nothing. I don't know how this will be for Cosmo because he is also diabetic.
Some time later we moved onto spoon feeding and by then I started adding some water soaked kibble too which still continues to this day and she now eats out of her food bowl sometimes only at dinner time. Cheese cakes have been godsend for us otherwise her pill administering would've been impossible. You can easily guess our freezer is well stocked with those tiny cheese cakes. She also takes appetite stimulant regularly. She is not doing great but she's hanging in there and maintaining her usual weight through out these feedings. I know every pup's case is different but I'm hoping this will be helpful in some way.
I'm glad Cosmo seems to be doing better today. We just have to get him to start eating now and I hope he will very soon. Many hugs,

[jas77450]

My Ginger stopped eating all together 5 months ago. I tried everything I could think of to no avail. The only thing she didn't spit out was cheese cake so I was still able to give her meds. She still needed foods so I started making purée which was mix of meats, veges and apple sauce (to give it some sweetness) and syringed in the back of her mouth. A little by little she started swallowing the purée. I feed her laying her in my laps just like you'd with a baby which I'm sure is a sight to see.
She seemed to like things that were sweet. Our IMS had already told me to give her anything she likes because something is still better than nothing. I don't know how this will be for Cosmo because he is also diabetic.
Some time later we moved onto spoon feeding and by then I started adding some water soaked kibble too which still continues to this day and she now eats out of her food bowl sometimes only at dinner time. Cheese cakes have been godsend for us otherwise her pill administering would've been impossible. You can easily guess our freezer is well stocked with those tiny cheese cakes. She also takes appetite stimulant regularly. She is not doing great but she's hanging in there and maintaining her usual weight through out these feedings. I know every pup's case is different but I'm hoping this will be helpful in some way.
I'm glad Cosmo seems to be doing better today. We just have to get him to start eating now and I hope he will very soon. Many hugs,


Wow! 5 months, that's a long time...I'm glad she is eating now and doing a little better. I tried feeding while holding him, he fought hard at first then settled down some...this was way better than the traumatic way I was doing it. Unfortunately, I can't give him anything but the low fat can or kibble, since he won't eat I have to force can. I am very frustrated trying to shove the many pills down his throat follow with water. He has learned how to hold it then spit it out. Takes 3-5 attempts with each pill. i dread pill times,am and pm...so does he, he runs and hides.
Thanks for sharing how you feed, big help!

Dixiesrock,
ya, fat is no no. I wonder if it will hurt to give him small pieces of meat to take pills. Vet gives me the look when I ask about giving anything else.

Glu 96 this am, no insulin

Anyone here do raw or home cooked meals?

[My sweet Ginger]

How does your vet expect you to give Cosmo any pill if he spits it right out each time? Any advice from them? I know how hard it is to force any pill down in their throat once they are determined not to swallow it. Liquids maybe but not those solid pills.
They will fight back with everything they've got and you will be surprised how strong their refusal can be who are determined not to eat and my Ginger only weighs a whopping 10 lbs.
Can you grind up his canned food and water soaked kibble together in a food processor or blender rather runny and syringe it in his mouth? It's was a messy job for us and also a struggle because she was still fighting back in the beginning but that at least got some food in her stomach and after a little while we both had come to the terms with it.
I now grind them kind of roughly along with her kibble and make a mush and spoon feed her. I make a huge batch and freeze it in small containers which each will last for a few days. I'm resigned to think that we will be eating together for a long time and I'm ok with it as long as she still eats.
I hope he starts eating whichever way and takes his meds soon. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. Please, hang in there. Hugs, Song.

[flynnandian]

hi cosmo's mom, i do raw, but they are eating it their whole lives, so they have never had anything else.
you can try low fat meat [poultry] or alaska pollack [fish] and look if he wants to eat it.
you can cook it since he is not used to raw i assume?
most dogs love tripe and it is easy to hide pills in it.
my ian gets his pills in low fat fish can cat food or tripe.
i can't force feed him because he will panick all the way and never trust me again.
it was a long struggle to find a way to feed him his pills, but being on a lower dosage of vetoryl-and his cortisol being higher- he is eating much better.
on his normal dosage, he refused to eat many times.
maybe let his cortisol rise some will work for cosmo too, since his numbers are low.
especially in small dogs it is much more difficult to get their food down.
hope you find a way to work this out with cosmo!

[jas77450]

My sweet Ginger,

Isn't it amazing how strong they can get. It is messy and like you don't care as long as it gets down. I made purée with chicken and can baby veggies, I have to water it down so it will go thru the syringe. What do you use?

Flynnadian,

I will try fish, is tripe low fat...he has pancreatitis? Cosmo goes into full panic mode too, now he hides where I can't reach him and shakes when I approach. So traumatic for us both. It takes me almost the entire morning to get things done, glu test, IV, meds, then start over in evening.

Renal function returned to near normal, now BUN Creatinine back up. Had seizure for second time this week, on phenobarbital now, another pill.Still won't eat even his favorite chicken. Put on prednisone today. Vet says it's last ditch effort for dying dog and to give it a few days.
glu in 90s, no insulin

Just to paint a better pic...these are his meds, many of which are twice daily...

trilostane, prednisone, enalopril, clopidogrel, phenobarbital, amiodipine, ursodiol, enroflaxacin, mirtazapine, metronidazole liquid, aluminum hydroxide liquid, tramadol, maropitant. Insulin but not giving for now.

I. don't mind liquids but this is just way too much. Tried crushing and put in syringe w food but still manages to wear half of it and shake rest on me.

Thank you both for advice...will keep trying.

The hardest one is trilostane...the capsules stick to his mouth...he acts like he swallows but when I unclamp his mouth here it comes. Does anyone know if you can open capsules? Might be my last resort.

Keep asking myself when is enough enough.
2 additional pills this week...how many more next?

[labblab]

trilostane, prednisone, enalopril, clopidogrel, phenobarbital, amino dipping, ursodiol, enroll axion, mirtazapine, metronidazole liquid, aluminum hydroxide liquid, tramadol, maropitant.
Wow, that is quite a list alright, with seemingly the risk of some significant interactions. :( :( :(

Are these all prescribed by one single vet? Enalapril should be used with caution alongside trilostane. Trilostane is risky if renal function is compromised. Phenobarb may affect the way the trilostane is metabolized. Prednisone can raise glucose levels. Tramadol may add to the sedating effect of phenobarb. Phenobarb and prednisone may both increase thirst/urination... And these are only the interactions that I know about off-hand. :o

I know you are at the point of trying almost anything right now but if you want to continue to intervene, I do wonder whether you may be at the cross-roads of either trying a last-ditch effort of getting things straightened out at Texas A&M as opposed to loading Cosmos up with such a combo of competing meds. Just feeling some concern here about all those drugs.

And no, unfortunately you should not open up the trilo capsules. If you need to, probably going to a liquid would be better for that, too. :o

Marianne

[flynnandian]

all you have to ask yourself;
is it worth it to have to fight your dog all the time to eat all those pills? like you said it is traumatic for both of you.
cosmo is hiding and trembling and obviously very upset.
that won't do him any good.
if it were my dog i would try the prednison [and if needed insulin], no other meds.
maybe the pred. will boost his appetite, if not i would give him his peace if it were my dog.
like you said enough is enough.
he has so many illnesses going on, and no fun in life anymore this way.
tripe can be your last resort, it smells delicious for dogs [not so for us]
cut of any fat you see, or buy it minced of good quality low fat.
and warm it up before you give it [any food] it makes it smell stronger.

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh, poor baby. How can anybody get them all down in a dog who has no appetite. It's just way too much for Cosmo and you both. I thought Ginger was taking too many pills. His stomach and intestines will get really messed up from taking all these pills.
Is there any way they can eliminate some of the pills? You just can't imagine how big of a struggle it is trying to down pills in these inappetent dogs. It's such heartbreaks all around.

Yes, you need to add some water for sure and add some apple sauce to make the purée somewhat sweet. They seem to like sweet things even when they have little or no appetite. I mix many different kind of meats and carrots most of the times and also add plumped up kibble to make her mush. The bottom line for me is making the purée as tasty as I can for her. Is he taking appetite stimulant? It's helping Ginger noticeably.

[Squirt's Mom]

I'm with Marianne on this. Get someone to go over all these meds and see if there isn't something there causing some of the problems he is having.

[jas77450]

correction, amiodipine, enroflaxacin for infection, has been on IV antibiotics but WBC still high.
A&M continued trilostane, insulin nph, enalapril for high BP, clopidogrel for high risk clots from cushings...hi PLT..., amiodipine for BP, continued ursodiol for gall bladder sludge, tramadol for pain with pancreatitis, maropitant anti-emetic, enroflaxacin for infection.

my vet added mirtazapine for appetite stimulant...has not eaten but few bites for 2 weeks, metronidazole for bloody diarrhea and colitis, aluminum hydroxide for hi blood phosphorous from kidney failure, phenobarbital for seizures -3 now, prednisone today for appetite and low blood glucose.

I didn't realize all these interactions. I know phenobarbital not good for liver...alp was 1600 but now 900...can't be good for failing kidneys.

Flynnadian thanks for your opinion...I need honest even if hard opinions. Would you stop trilostane too?

Marianne, had no idea, thank you. I do know this is just to much.

Squirts mom and My sweet Ginger, thank you.

If I stop antibiotic what about infection. If I stop BP med he was240/135. but probably related to kidneys huh?

If I take him back they will just do more to him and want to keep him...he's stressed enough. I am supposed to make appt for clinic next week. I fear what will happen if I stop and fear what will happen if I continue.

[labblab]

If A&M are the ones giving the OK to this combo then I have to defer to them, and I feel better knowing they are the ones in charge. :o

I surely don't want to suggest anything that makes things even harder for you guys. I know you are in a really tough spot and are doing everything you can to keep Cosmo as comfortable as possible for as long as possible.

Sending many healing hugs your way -- I am so sorry you've got so much to balance and juggle.
Marianne

[jas77450]

Marianne,
Just got off the phone with A&M, followed everyone's advice and went over new probs and meds. They said do not give trilostane and phenobarbital together and analypril and prednisone! You were absolutely right.
He has been sleeping well since his seizure so I am not waking him up to shove pills down his throat. We will skip meds for now.
Thank you all soooo much!!!!

[k9diabetes]

I posted at K9D... doesn't make sense to me to give Trilostane (suppresses cortisol) and Prednisone (supplements cortisol) at the same time regardless of what's going on with him.

If his PDH has developed into a larger tumor, higher cortisol via prednisone or even a stronger steroid could be helpful and might be able to alleviate his seizures, allowing you to skip the phenobarbitol.

Perhaps TAMU needs a nudge to consult with their neurologist and all sit down together and consider the possibility of a macrotumor as the cause of his various issues.

His diabetes at this point is NOT a reason to give a small dose or no dose of steroids and suppress cortisol. He could need all the steroid/cortisol he can get at the moment to reduce inflammation from a brain tumor that my be the cause of the seizures.

Natalie

[k9diabetes]

Natalie,
he has pituitary cushings. He just had another seizure about 30 minutes ago and is now sleeping. I was wondering if the tumor was growing.

I posted his meds on the cushings site and I' ll repost here since I don't know how to paste from one site to other.

trilostane, started prednisone today for low bs and increase appetite, enalopril, clopidogrel, phenobarbital yesterday , amiodipine, ursodiol, enroflaxacin, mirtazapine, metronidazole, aluminum hydroxide, tramadol on hold, maropitant,

Marianne posted some concern over interactions of these meds and others had posted good info and advice, wish I could paste it here...on their advise I called A&M and they said don't give trilostane with phenobarbital, analypril with prednisone.

I wonder if the meds could have caused seizure.

I had also posted concern re when is enough. Trying to get all these down a yorkie that won't eat is traumatic. I am not giving any meds tonight. He is sleeping well and I'm not going to wake him to shove pills down his throat.

[k9diabetes]

I was able to copy the above post from K9D directly to a new post here. I think you can do the same.

[labblab]

I am really glad you called A&M and got their feedback re: the drug combination. With everything that is going on with Cosmo right now, it is hard to sort out "cause and effect" for many of his symptoms. It is true that the seizures could be caused by a pituitary macrotumor, as well as the lack of appetite. But depending upon the degree of kidney dysfunction and other organ/endocrinological abnormalities, he may be experiencing chemical imbalances that could account for these problems, as well. For instance, a high level of phosphorous (which apparently Cosmo is experiencing right now) can cause seizures. With so much going on, it is really hard to know the cause.

Natalie's point is well-taken regarding the competing effects of trilostane and prednisone, especially in Cosmo's situation. However, just as a general note, we have found that there are times when some specialists do prefer that their Cushing's patients remain on trilostane even when prednisone is added into the profile for anti-inflammatory benefit. It seems paradoxical, that's for sure. But what I was told on one occasion is that the continuation of the trilo allows the prednisone to be dosed on a consistent and predictable basis. If the trilo is discontinued altogether and the Cushing's left uncontrolled, the amount of steroid build-up becomes very unpredictable. In Cosmo's case, there seem to be multiple reasons why the trilo is best discontinued, especially if his stim test showed that his cortisol level was actually on the low side (this can cause lack of appetite all on its own). But that is why I am no longer surprised on those occasions when a combo of trilo and prednisone is prescribed for Cushpups in need of supplemental steroids.

However, it does seem as though you are at a point where Cosmo's comfort outweighs everything else, and I'm all in favor of whatever drug combo (or lack of drugs at all) makes that easiest for you both.

Continuing hugs,
Marianne

[jas77450]

Natalie and Marianne,
...Your advice and replies as well as all the others have helped tremendously.

Question on seizures...

how can you tell the difference between it and collapse?
He had 2 episodes last night and 1 this am. At the office he just fell over...at home he walks off, vomits, then falls on his side. He had seizures at age 5 and was on phenobarbital, weaned him off slowly due to liver problems and never had another. He would stiffen his legs and shake after...now he vomits first then falls and lays on his side, he is limp when picked up...not so sure these are seizures.
He collapsed first thing this am when put out to potty. Before we went out he was trembling /twitching all over, he has been doing this a lot lately, he would twitch now and then before but not shake all over. Since his glu has been low I decided to give him kayro syrup thinking it may be going too low, after syrup he was 93. He went back to sleep and when he woke he brought me his toys to play with him...was perky till afternoon then was wiped out again. Vet said she has never seen a diabetic dog turn around. He hasn't had insulin going on 3 days now. She called to check on him this evening and was wondering if he might be septic stating that would cause low bs but usually in 40's. His WBC is elevated despite antibiotics. Any thoughts on this?

I have not given him any meds since you posted Marianne. I go to A&M in the morning. If you can think of anything I should discuss please let me know.

I don't know if he felt better this am bc of kayro syrup or bc he's not taking all those pills. He even ate a few bites of chicken a few times.

I can't thank all of you enough for all the support!!!

[jas77450]

Re: cushings and newly dx diabetes
probably a good idea Riliey and Mo, I go To A&M in the morning. I don't understand all the labs re stim test...here are results...
9/26 cortisol sample 2 ( post) 5.3 low (8-17)...don't have pre
don't have date on this one sample 1 5.7 (1-5) sample 2 10.2 (8-17)
no clue what this means.

[labblab]

I am so sorry about Cosmo's continuing problems! I understand your reservations about taking him back to A&M, but I think they will be able to give you the best guidance if you decide to continue with treatment. So I'm glad you are taking him tomorrow so that they can determine which drugs will be best for him from this point onward. For what it is worth, I have a non-Cushpup who is being treated with phenobarb for seizures of unknown origin and prior to gaining control of the seizures, she always vomited and involuntary relieved herself before falling to her side and "paddling." I do think vomiting often precedes grand mal seizures, regardless of the cause of the seizure.

As far as Cosmo being Addisonian in terms of low cortisol, no, I believe your ACTH from 9/26 (prior to stopping the trilostane) rules that out.


9/26 cortisol sample 2 ( post) 5.3 low (8-17)...don't have pre

A "post" result of 5.3 ug/dl is actually a perfect level for a dog being treated with trilostane even though it is lower than the "normal" range for a dog without Cushing's. We don't worry about cortisol levels in dogs taking trilostane unless they fall below around 2.0. Since you've stopped the trilostane and Cosmo was additionally taking supplemental prednisone for a couple of days, I don't think there is a worry about cortisol being too low.

However, blood chemistries can also be affected by trilostane -- most importantly, the balance of sodium and potassium. But we have not heard you mention them as being a problem, just phosphorous that the vets think is more likely to be renal in nature.

So my best bet is that the problem lies somewhere other than with cortisol. Since Cosmo's situation is so complicated, though, I am not going to hazard any more guesses as to what is going on, but instead defer to the specialists. We will all be along for the ride tomorrow in spirit, and we will be so anxious to see what the recommendations turn out to be.

Marianne

[jas77450]

Marianne,
his potassium was low too.

[labblab]

Hi Cosmo's mom!

Were you able to go to Texas A&M?

With Addison's, potassium will be high rather than low. Low potassium can result from a variety of things including vomiting and diarrhea, diuretic medication, chronic kidney disease, diabetic ketoacidosis, etc.

How is Cosmo doing today?

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Thinking of you and that sweet boy!

[jas77450]

Riley and Mo, not Addison's

JoJo's mom, yes his bs 90 's to low 100's, gave kayro syrup and perked up.

Jesse girl, he does have pancreatitis, as far as seizures they weren't sure if that's what it was but he hasn't has anymore since I stopped giving meds.

A&M looked over his labs and him, said at first they were optimistic he could improve after bs was controlled, that he has declined a lot since last visit. His body just isn't regulating itself and kidney function will continue to decline even tho it improved for a few days. They said he just had too many thing going on. Important question now is what's best for Cosmo. Offered ICU but didn't recommend it. Still not eating, offered feeding tube to feed and give meds. I Voiced concern over all meds and only wanted what was critical. Also asked for neuro consult. Said it could be tumor. Vet said just with him not eating for so long he is beginning to suffer and it would only get worse. If it were his dog he would take him home and love him and put him down this weekend before he gets worse. Wants us to consult with our vet about this. Have a call in to come talk with her.
He said Cosmo is such a fighter it's hard to tell when he's hurting.

Hope I made the right choice on no feeding tube.

No more meds and poking. Just going to love him while I can.

I can't say enough to all of you for the comfort you have been to me.

Cushing is so awful.

[labblab]

Thank you so much for telling us what happened. As hard as it was to make, I absolutely agree with your decision against the feeding tube and ICU. As you say, no more poking and prodding. Only love and comfort.

We will be here with you every step of the way.

Sending so many hugs to you and Cosmo.
Marianne

[My sweet Ginger]

I think home is where he should be so that he can be with his mama. Indulge him with TLC and give him as much peace and comfort. Many hugs and gentle kisses for you and sweet Cosmo. Song.

[labblab]

Just stopping by to let you know that you and Cosmo remain in my thoughts and my heart this weekend.

Many, many more hugs,
Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

Yes, my Buddy was one of those exceptions. He had a probable pituitary macro tumor and was suffering from increasing neurological symptoms. The trilostane/prednisone combo helped him be mobile and comfortable for longer then he was able to be without it. It is important that the dosages be monitored daily and tweaked if necessary.

I can't look at Cosmo's avatar without thinking of Buddy's plight. They look like they could be brothers. Cosmo is such a trooper. He has been through so much, poor little guy.:o I would not do the feeding tube either. I would make every moment special and memorable, doing everything that he loves. I do understand how hard this all is and my thoughts and prayers are with you and that sweet boy.



Natalie's point is well-taken regarding the competing effects of trilostane and prednisone, especially in Cosmo's situation. However, just as a general note, we have found that there are times when some specialists do prefer that their Cushing's patients remain on trilostane even when prednisone is added into the profile for anti-inflammatory benefit. It seems paradoxical, that's for sure. But what I was told on one occasion is that the continuation of the trilo allows the prednisone to be dosed on a consistent and predictable basis. If the trilo is discontinued altogether and the Cushing's left uncontrolled, the amount of steroid build-up becomes very unpredictable. In Cosmo's case, there seem to be multiple reasons why the trilo is best discontinued, especially if his stim test showed that his cortisol level was actually on the low side (this can cause lack of appetite all on its own). But that is why I am no longer surprised on those occasions when a combo of trilo and prednisone is prescribed for Cushpups in need of supplemental steroids

[Squirt's Mom]

Just a note this morning to let you know that you and Cosmo are and have been on my mind and in my heart, sweetie. Treasure each and every second and know that sweet boy loves you so very much and always will.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[jas77450]

Cosmo continued to decline, not eating and drinking, became weaker, his eyes looked so sad and tired. He started rubbing his face with his paw and rubbing his head against the couch and grass. I think his head was hurting. Gait more unbalanced and falling. Was very restless Thursday night but slept Good Friday morning. He wasn't showing interest in anything anymore. My husband met with our vet...I wanted him to go at home in my arms but he was suffering. Took him in and like always he looked a little better and I changed my mind...but then he collapsed. Vet said with the vomiting and falling she thinks his tumor has grown. He was starving, not eaten except few bites in 3 weeks and dehydrated from not drinking. I couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore...

I held my poor little boy for the last time...he went to heaven Friday late evening 10/3/14 . We put him to rest Saturday.
He was such a sweet, loving, loyal, spunky little guy.
I can't stand it without him but he suffered long enough.
We love and miss you little MOMo!!!

Sorry I didn't keep you posted, I just couldn't bear it. Don't know what I would have done without all of you to turn to. You are such a blessing.
Love Jenny

[Budsters Mom]

Oh Jenny,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you're feeling right now. :o You did the most loving and unselfish thing possible. You ended Cosmo's pain, so he could fly. We realize that your pain is just beginning. We will be here for you as long as you want or need us, as you are a part of our family.

My Buddy and many others were at the rainbow bridge to welcome your sweet boy. Buddy is going to think that he has found his twin. ;)

Fly free sweet Cosmo, fly free!

With many loving hugs,

[jas77450]

Thank you Kathy,
I am feeling so guilty but we really didn't think he would make it through the night and if he did I couldn't bear to see him that way anymore. We already went through 1 night we thought he wouldn't make it and couldn't do it again. One part of me is relieved he's not suffering but the other part wonders if I took the easy way out. He lost 4 lbs in 2 weeks which is a lot for a yorkie. Kept going to food and water but would turn away...heartbreaking.

It's ironic that after 2 years of uncontrolled cushings he finally was controlled and glu 700's to 90's with no insulin but still got worse.

Even thought he barely had the strength to walk, the last thing he did before we went to vets was lick the tears off our faces.

I can see Cosmo and Buddy running together with the others...no more pain...they really do look a lot alike.

Thank you all for taking me into your family.

[Budsters Mom]

Jenny,

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You did what was best for Cosmo. You released him from his pain. The is exactly what I did for Buddy. I watched him very carefully and the very first time that I was unable to control his pain, I released him to fly free. That was the only thing left that I could do for him.

Yes, Buddy and Cosmo look very much alike. It was hard for me to follow Cosmo's story because of that fact. Right now both our boys are running free happily chasing lizards. If Cosmo wasn't a lizard Hunter before now, he is now! ;)

I know it's tough right now. Your heart is broken, but it does get easier in time. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve your sweet boy.

[My sweet Ginger]

Dear Jenny,

I'm so sorry for your loss of Cosmo. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family on this sad morning.
I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that Cosmo is no longer in pain or suffering.
What a sweet, lovable boy he was and he was one lucky pup to have you as his mom.
Good bye brave little soul, Cosmo.
Hugs, Song.

[mytil]

I am so very sorry to read of Cosmos' passing. They leave us with amazing dignity and a love that will never fade.

Always remembering your boy and my deepest condolences.
Terry

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Jenny,

It is with deep sorrow that I read about our sweet boy this morning. We are never ready no matter the circumstances.

Guilt is something you have no right to claim. You did everything you could for your precious Cosmo, even reaching out to total strangers, something many would never do. He knows how hard you worked to make every day that was given to him as special as possible, filled with joy and love. He knows the depth of your love for him and carries that with him even now. Cosmo does not blame you for anything because he knows you don't deserve that. Be as gentle with yourself as you can be and know we are here anytime you wish to talk.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, Fox and all our Angels


A Special Gift

They're a very special gift, to be cherished and loved;
You're chosen for each other by God Himself above.
It's a match made in heaven so it can't be wrong;
You're tied together by a bond that's oh so strong.

All they'll ever ask from you is to be loved and fed,
And at night make sure they have fresh water and a bed.
In return, for so little, the rewards are so great!
You'll get a companion for life with some very special traits.

When you are lost and the end seems so far away
They'll walk by your side, they'll help you find your way.
When life gets you down they can put a smile on your face
As they run you in circles with their fast pace.

You'll share the good with the bad, you'll be happy and sad;
And through it all you have a friend, the best you ever had.
You're time together will be special and unique;
It will be as priceless to you as a rare antique.

Then, before you know it, the day will arrive
When suddenly your life takes a steep dive.
The furry friend who's been with you for all of these years
Has now passed on and left you in tears.

As you sit and wonder what did I do?
Why is this all happening to you?
Into each of our lives a little rain must fall,
And you must be strong to answer the call.

Your little one's spirit has flown home on the wings of a dove,
To a special place that awaits them in heaven above.
St. Francis will meet them; when they get home
He will take them to a meadow where they're free to roam.

There in the meadows, down by the pond,
Your furry friend will remember his loving bond.
He'll look into the water, then you appear;
He can see you're frightened, he can feel your fear.

Through the bond that still ties you from heaven above
He looks down upon you, he sends you his love.
Because you loved him and because you care
Whenever you need him, he'll always be there.

There, in the meadows, they patiently wait for the day
When you will celebrate your life together, each and every day.
Waiting for that day; when you come walking back home
When together for an eternity through the meadows you'll roam.

Author Unknown

[flynnandian]

hi jenny, don't feel guilty, you did the best thing for cosmo and that was release him from his pain and suffering.
think about the good times with him and i wish you lots of strength in the next weeks/months.
you will always love him.

[pansywags]

Oh Jenny, I'm so sorry to hear about Cosmo. So many of us know your pain. I hope the memories of happier healthier times make you smile again.

[Dixie'sMom]

I'm so sorry for your loss Its so easy to love them and so hard to let them go. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing for your precious boy. I hope you can take some comfort in the fact he is free and running healthy and happy at the bridge. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days.

[molly muffin]

Hi Jenny, My sincerest condolences on the loss of sweet Cosmo. He fought a great battle and then he was tired, so very tired. He tried and you tried and we were all pulling for you every minute of the day.
You did everything possible to give him the best chance. That is all we can do, help them as much as we can and then take on the pain ourselves when it is just too much for them any more.
I know your heart is broken today and will be for a long time, it is the nature of a love so great.
Sending you big hugs!
Be kind to yourself. Cosmo would want that more than anything else.

love
Sharlene and molly muffin

[jas77450]

A quick thank you for all your love!!! too many sweet friends to name, all the posts sure make this a little easier.

Beautiful poem!!!

[doxiesrock912]

Jenny,

you knew Cosmo best and you said that he lost interest in everything. You have nothing to feel guilty for. You were brave even to recognize that life was no longer what it should be for Cosmo and loved him enough to help him not suffer. Hugs

[jas77450]

Little did I know when I joined this site and k9d that within a month I would loose my little boy. The house just seems so empty without him. It has been 2 weeks without him today. Sure hope this gets easier. I still expect to see him when I come home. Before he got too sick he would wait in the window for us and meet us at the door after he saw us...no more. Our hearts ache for him.

Again, I want to thank all of you for your support.

Jenny

[labblab]

Oh Jenny, you are so welcome. We are just trying to pass on some of the comfort that has been given to us during our own dark days. Your loss is still so fresh and so raw that my heart aches for you. The loss of the sweet face at the window and the door...that is perhaps the hardest moment of all. Returning home and knowing that home will never feel quite the same ever again.

But once again, I must tell you that I admire your strength and courage in releasing Cosmo from his failing body. You have released him from pain and taken it on yourself. That is the greatest gift you could have given him at his time of need.

And so we will stay right here by your side now! I am so pleased to see you back again, and I hope you'll return often to share some more stories or just to tell us how you are doing.

Many more hugs coming your way,
Marianne

[jas77450]

A heartfelt thank you Marianne!!!
At first I couldn't come to the forums but I'm drawn back...you all feel like family. Maybe one day I can be a comfort to others but for now I'm too wrapped up in my own grief.
I am so full of what if's...not strong or courageous at all.

[apollo6]

I am so sorry for the lose of your sweet Cosmo. It never gets easy. May Cosmo be free now watching over you.
Hugs Sonja,Angel Apollo

[jas77450]

Thanks Sonja,
I ve been reading Apollos story. I feel your pain....yet you still reach out to comfort others.
A heartfelt thank you to all of you here for your support. Can't imagine going through this without you. You are Angels!

[molly muffin]

Hi, just popping in to see how You are doing.
You are so wonderful, giving comfort to others when your own heart is in a million pieces.

I want to say thank you and sending you great big hugs.
Sharlene and molly muffin

[jas77450]

oh Sharlene...
I don't know what I would do without you. I came here in desperation feeling we were losing the battle... now that it's over I'm reading all kinds of things I wish I knew before...Just wasn't enough time before. You all have been such a comfort to me.
Tomorrow will be 3 weeks ...how I long to hold him just once more!

[molly muffin]

I have had 4 years to prepare and I still wonder if I am ready. I think I wasted 2 of them and only really started to learn, when I joined the forum.

I can't imagine the panic of trying to learn so much, and Cosmo had a lot going on, in just a few precious days. There is just Never enough time.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[jas77450]

Sharlene,

Like you I wasted2 years. He was dx at age 7 but had obvious symptoms a few years prior to that. He never was controlled. By the time I joined here it was too late. Maybe our 2 years were best so we could just enjoy them???

when things decline so rapidly there isn't much time to act, process or prepare...In the end though, I don't think we are ever ready no matter what...we love them so much and want to keep them with us. Enjoy Molly every day and give her a hug for me!

Today is 3 weeks...We miss you sooo much little Cosmo!!!

[apollo6]

Never feel guilty about not knowing about this disease sooner. I am sure Apollo had Cushing for a few years until I realized something was not right. Just think during that time Cosmo enjoyed his life and was not subjected to the grueling treatment during that time and you both had some joy before. It angers me is that there has been no progress in stopping this disease or learning about how to prevent it after all this time, and I do feel there is.
Sonja,Apollo

[Dixie'sMom]

I just wanted to say hello and to tell you that I am still thinking of you and your sweet Cosmo. I'm glad you are still coming to the forum. I'm new to having a cushings pup too and all I can really offer folks is encouragement. i see you doing that as well in spite of your grief. A big hug for you today from me and my girls. I know Cosmo is proud of you and was blessed to have you as his Mom.

[jas77450]

Sonja,

I thought this was a disease older dogs got...still can't figure out how it happened so young. Dx age 7 but had it at least year before, lost him at age 9. Even though he had symptoms...huge belly, panting, excessive drinking, eating, and peeing, it wasn't until the groomers pointed out his thinning hair and hair loss that vet decided to test for cushings. Don't know if it would have changed anything though.
How are you doing these days? I know there will always be a piece of your heart missing when we loose one so dear to us.

Hi Dixie's mom,

Thank you for the comfort...it was really needed...I've been feeling so numb and empty...I can't imagine going through this alone...it's hard enough as is...You say all you can offer is encouragement, well that's huge and is all that can be offered for me at this point. Everyone here is so kind and caring...they have a ton of knowledge to offer...I'm too new to give much advice myself but wishing you and Dixie all the best. I will try and catch up on you two.

Love Jenny

[apollo6]

Dear Jenny
I went through the same with Apollo,the thinning skin and pot belly,he was 10 at the time. For me it started after an emergency er. He must have had a bee sting,the er pumped him up with huge dosage of drugs that had steroids in them to save him,his belly went black and had hives all over his belly. We are never prepared for this diagnose. This is a very tough time for you. The what if's,the could have the would haves.
Try to be gentle with yourself,write to Cosmo,feel your feelings,do what ever comforts you. Remember he was such a part of you,so the sudden lose will hurt for a long time. We will comfort you through this difficult time. It has been two years for me, and there are times I grieve,it comes and goes and is mixed in with the joy and beautiful memories.
Hugs Sonja,Apollo and Ariel

[addy]

Just stopping by to give you a big hug. I have no great words of wisdom, I still can have a total meltdown over my Zoe after eight months; it can come out of nowhere. Be patient and kind to your self. Allow all the feelings to happen as they come.

[Robert]

Hugs and prayers from me too.

[jas77450]

Sonja,
I've read Apollos story. I feel your pain when I read. Broke my heart and Iam sorry for both you and Apollo.
I haven't mentioned it anymore because I'm trying not to be too pitiful but still can't get past what if's. After not eating for over 3 weeks ang getting weaker with new problems seemed like daily, I declined the feeding tube thinking it wouldn't be good if he is shutting down. I don't regret that especially after reading other posts from this wonderful group. However, after reading more about pancreatitis and learning that after 48 hours the gut becomes leaky from no nourishment, and IVF's won't help, they need food and that they should be force fed liquid food, I think I messed up. I syringe fed for a while but he fought so hard to refuse it I thought I wasn't helping him. After reading this article and of others who syringe fed and eventually got their pups better I whish I had a do over and would continue force feeds. I can't seem to get past this. Anyway, too late now...seems to be the story of my life. ENOUGH now of my pity party.

Addy,
Hugs felt!!!!and appreciated. Yeah, it hit me hard the last 2 days for some reason. Just noticed your new thread today. Had only been catching up on Zoe. In case I haven't yet, my condolences to you! 8 months isn't that long and I know you will always have her in your heart. Also sounds like you are making new memories with your other furbaby.

Robert,
Thank you for the hugs and prayers!!!I think that is what keeps us up in times like this.

I just want all of you to know how greatful I am to all of you for your love, hugs, prayers, support and help. I was not always able to respond to each one by name but want you to know I read every single post and it meant the world to me...I just couldn't keep up with all that was going on at the time.
Jenny

[Robert]

Hi try not to be hard on yourself. If getting Cosmo to eat would have helped I'm sure the vet would have said so. I think it was cosmos time and he was ready to leave. It's a very hard time but Cosmo is now with some very fine company including my two babes and if he could tell you one of the things he would want is for you not to blame yourself but to thank you for releasing him when he had had enough even thoigh it hurt you so much.

[jas77450]

Such comforting words Robert. Would never have done it if I didn't think he had enough but afterward it's tough to know if you did the right things.
Sorry about your 2 babies.

[molly muffin]

I think the majority of people go through the "what if's" I'm not sure if it is possible not to do so even.

No matter what we decide concerning their treatment, their lives, since we hold everything to do with their comfort, their health and happiness in the palm of our hands, I think that we feel that responsibility so greatly, along with the love, that it is impossible not to look back and wonder if a different decision would have led to a different path and would it have been a better or worse one.

You know in your heart that with what you knew then and what the situation was, that the decisions you made where the best ones possible at that time. I think that the vet would have told you too, if they thought that feeding would have pulled him out of it. He had so much going on in that little body of his. There has to have been a point when his body just said, I'm tired, too tired. I need to rest.

Sending you big hugs!

[jas77450]

Sharlene,
Thank you!

[Budsters Mom]

Jenny,

I think second guessing is human nature and part if the grieving process. We love them so much that we questions our decisions long after they fly free. I know that I did, even though I had a clear plan in my head and carried it out. What I knew is the right thing to do in my head, was far different than what I felt in my heart. My heart shattered into million pieces. I guess what I want you to know, is it does get easier and your heart will heal. My heart is in the middle of healing, although Buddy left a whole that will never be filled. He was my heart dog. When he left, he took a piece of my heart and soul with him.

I understand you bond with sweet Cosmo. Our babies are such an enormously loving and accepting part of our lives. It is almost unbearable to think of going on without them, yet we do. Many of us even are able to love another when the time is right. A sibling never replaces our heart dogs, but they do help tremendously.

It it is all a process Jenny. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve your precious boy. For now, that is what you need to do.

[jas77450]

Molly,
that it is impossible not to look back and wonder if a different decision would have led to a different path and would it have been a better or worse one.
I've been thinking about this. You put a new light on it for me...I have been focusing on if I'd made different decisions the outcome might have been better but am looking now at the possibility it could have made it worse, which was my fear and why I did what I did.

Buddy's mom,
You nailed it...I think second guessing is human nature and part if the grieving process. We love them so much that we questions our decisions long after they fly free. I know that I did, even though I had a clear plan in my head and carried it out. What I knew is the right thing to do in my head, was far different than what I felt in my heart.
My head told me it was time but my heart won't let go.
Cosmo was my heart dog...like your Buddy. I think your right...it's all part of the process. It just hurts so much.
So good to know you are doing better. Did you change Buddy's pic?

Thanks for being there.

[addy]

What ifs never seem to stop. Eight months later and I still do "what if or if only". I try to refocus when the what if refrain wont stop in my head. It usually happens driving home from work, knowing Zoe is no longer there so I count how many red things do I see in the next mile, or something to stop the never ending song in my head.

Grieving plays out differently for each of us, has a life of it's own. Let the tears fall but take care of yourself. Cosmos would not want you to suffer over him to the point of getting physically ill.

The what ifs are because we all fought so hard for our beloved pups.

Big hugs and much love being sent your way.

[jas77450]

Oh Addy,
Thank you for sharing. I chide myself sometime for not getting past it. Seems like I'm not the only one. Feeling the loves and hugs...makes it so much easier knowing your not alone.
Love Jenny

[labblab]

Dear Jenny,

I just want to thank you so much for all the sweet and supportive messages you have been posting around the forum. You are doing good and valuable work here, and I'm sure Cosmo is so proud to know that you are honoring him in this way. With every note you post, we see his precious face and we are reminded of your loving care -- the very same warm heart that you are now sharing with our other members in need.

Sending giant hugs across the miles ;),
Marianne

[jas77450]

Marianne
Just trying to pay it forward for all the loving support Cosmo and I received from all the precious souls that were and still are here for me and him.
Just curious, is it ok and normal to hang out after....?

[Budsters Mom]

OMG!!! Where would all of us lost souls go? :eek::eek::eek: Some of us have been hanging around for years. We hang around to honor our own fur angels and to pay it forward for the help we received along the way. The experiences of others who have walked the same path is invaluable. We remain family long after our babies fly free.:)

[labblab]

It's been ten years now since my Cushangel flew, but just try to get rid of me...Not gonna happen! :o :rolleyes: :)

Every day I post here, I feel connected to my boy and connected to my family. I will be very glad and grateful if it turns out that way for you, too, Jenny.

Marianne

[Dixie'sMom]

Jenny, I'm here to echo what the others have said. Of course you belong here. For some folks, their pets are just animals. For others, they are family. You have lost a member of your family and that loss is huge. You are still a mother. Only now a mother without your baby. We get that. You belong here.

For what its worth, my last job before I became disabled was at a Hospice. We had grief counselors for our patient families as well as the community which were free of charge. One of the most wonderful things that happened before I left was that our grief counselors began to offer counseling for folks who had lost their pets. Do you know why? Because grief is grief and it doesn't matter if its a 2 legged loss or 4 legged loss or even the loss of a relationship which is another type of death. I pity those that have never had this bond with a pet. They have missed out on so much love.

Hugs and love and prayers to you today and Cosmo is very proud of you. You are a huge blessing to all of US!

[molly muffin]

It is perfectly natural to be here. I second the thanks from Marianne. You help us all so very much just with a few kind words. This is such a scary time for people.

Hugs
Sharlene and Molly muffin

[jas77450]

Thank all of you above...:), I do feel Like it keeps me connected to Cosmo and miss talking with all of you if I stay away...You have become family to me. Everyone else keeps telling me he is just a dog and I was too attached, unhealthy. But you all understand he was my baby. That will never change! My hubby is taking it harder than me...I ve read him some of the posts and he just cries...a good kinda cry. He told me to save them all.:)
Love you all!

[scoora]

Jenny, I know I'm a few weeks late but I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am about the passing of your sweet boy Cosmo.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hugs

[jas77450]

Thank you Vicki!!!Still needing the prayers.

[addy]

Lots of prayers and love being sent your way and for hubby as well. They take things just as hard as we do, sometimes in a different way. Keep reading the posts to him and remind him that we all will support you both and honor Cosmos's memory always.

[jas77450]

Feeling the love and prayers. I will keep him updated Addy.

[jas77450]

Cosmo, it has been a month now since you left us. We miss you sooo much, fly free sweet angel. Wish I had just one more day with you baby boy.
Love mom.

[Budsters Mom]

Jenny,

I know what you are feeling all too well. :o There is no time frame on grief. Our babies fill our lives so hugely, that even the thought of going on without them is almost too much to bear. It's been 16 months since Buddy moved on. There isn't a day that goes buy when I don't wish I could touch, hold and smell him. The bottom of his feet used to smell like Fritos. I always thought that strange, but I miss it so much. People who say insensitive things about "just a dog" do not understand and have never felt such intense love. I feel sorry for them. That is their loss.

Grief is not something you need to rush or get over. It comes in waves. When they hit, allow yourself to feel and be gentle with yourself. Know that Cosmo loves you and wants you to find happiness again.

Will will remain here to support you and hubby for as long as you want or need us.

[jas77450]

Thank you sweet girl!!!

[Dixie'sMom]

A big hug for you and the hubby. I'll light a candle for sweet Cosmo today. Hang in there... you're doing great.

[jas77450]

Suzie, thanks for the candle. I'll have to learn about that.

[Dixie'sMom]

Jenny, lighting a candle means different things to different people. For me, lighting a candle on a certain date of importance is my way of showing respect and remembering a loved one. I did this for you and Cosmo yesterday as my way of acknowledging your loss and its importance. It sort of has the same sentiment to me as placing flowers at a gravesite.

[jas77450]

Oh, that is so sweet and thank you for honoring Cosmo!

[molly muffin]

Hi popping in to say hello to and that thinking of you and dear Cosmo tonight.

hugs

[jas77450]

Thank you sweet Sharlene, how are you and Molly doing?

[molly muffin]

We're doing good. Cold and rainy here today, so I didn't end up doing any garden clean up and molly and I have both been couch potatoes all day.

hugs

[jas77450]

Sounds like a nice snuggle and cuddle day for you and Molly. I'm in Texas but it was actually 44 this am...cold for here:D

[Dixie'sMom]

We have a cold front moving in also. They're calling it an artic blast and its moving in from Canada. Sharlene, you can keep it if you like. :)

[addy]

Stopping by to see how you are doing, I see your posts to everyone, including me, and I thank you for that.

I guess I just wanted to give you a great big hug!!!:):):):):)

[doxiesrock912]

They are always in our hearts. <3

[Dixie'sMom]

I'm here too and joing in with Addy with a great big hug. :)

[molly muffin]

Hey, I do hugs too!!! :) :) :) Sending you some big tight ones!

{{{hugs}}}

[jas77450]

Sharlene, Suzie, Addie, Valerie

I haven't been here for a while, finding it hard with the holidays here. Lost my mom Oct 3 2010, my dad Dec 13 last year and Cosmo Oct 3 this year, my first thanksgiving without my dad and my little boy. Not much to give in me right now. The hugs are very much felt and appreciated. You all are such a blessing not only to me but everyone else. Hugs back to you, I'm sure it's hard for y'all too!!!

[doxiesrock912]

It is sweetie, we each have our hardships and thankfully are here for each other.

My own father has been in and out of the hospital so much lately. My sister has lost custody of her children due to her continued drug use. So far, she has visitation and I pray that she doesn't mess that up too.

Christmas will be hard not watching Daisy unwrap her presents. I'm hoping that Bella will learn how because that was a sight to see. Somehow, Daisy learned to wait and remembered which presents were hers. We went around the room, each opening one at a time. Daisy too.

I do my best to focus on what I still have around me now <3

[jas77450]

I am sorry to hear about your father and sister. I hope he gets better. Enjoy every moment you can with him. My brother was deep into drugs. Don't give up on her. After decades of prayer he is finally free from it and doing well.
I can just imagine her opening presents, what patience to wait her turn. I know you will be picturing it again. I'm sure Bella will learn too. You will have to let me know how she did!
I keep telling myself the same...focus on what I have left...I have so much to be thankful for but can't seem to get out of this slump:(
Merry Christmas to you and your family.

[addy]

I understand the slump. Don't be too hard on yourself. Slumps are not always bad, sometimes we need to there. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to opt out of the holidays if we really need to.

Nothing wrong with that.

Hugs

[Dixie'sMom]

Having to go thru holidays when you're grieving is a cruel fact of life. I've always wished I could go to bed and wake up when it was all over with. I have been without most of my family for many years so I've adjusted but it always leaves a burning emptiness when I think of all who are missing. (The 2 legged and the 4 legged). Luckily I have hyperactive grandchildren which turn everything into chaos, so I don't have much time to think about it. But its the quiet times when everyone is gone that it creeps up on me. Be gentle with yourself... don't demand too much of yourself... and seek peace and comfort where ever you can find it. A hot bubble bath. A nice glass of wine (or strong shot of liquor)... a silly movie. I watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation multiple times and laugh every single time. Hugs and Love honey. I'm thinking of you.

[Squirt's Mom]

I'm with ya! Having a particularly difficult time this year.

[molly muffin]

Maybe it is just one of those years. You aren't alone, this year I can't seem to find my holiday spirit. I'm hoping I just misplaced it and it will show up eventually. :)

We all understand and some years and times are just harder than others.
big group hug! sounds like a few of us need one of those. :)

[jas77450]

Hi sweet girls. Ya, it seems to be one of those years for many of us. I am so greatful for my family here. Everyone is so caring and understanding. Thank God we have each other to lean on and walk these hard days hand in hand. We will get through them together, one day at a time.
Good to hear from all of you. Prayers for strength, peace and some joy for all of you this Christmas holiday and a blessed, happier new year. Remembering all our loved ones and fur babies too.

[addy]

New traditions, knowing we dont have to always do everything the same for the holidays, just go with the flow.

My new motto: go with the flow:):):):):) whatever you can handle on any given day, that's what you do!!!!

Yesterday was warmer ( not by much) so I decided since I was not doing a tree- I was going to light up my yard. I hauled out reindeer I have not used in 3 years, I think. I have beautiful led blue lights I strung up and they bring a huge grin to my face.

New traditions- hey they work sometimes:):):);)

I am thankful you have family surrounding you.

[molly muffin]

Merry Christmas Jenny and Angel Cosmo.

I hope you are doing okay and have found some peace I. What is likely a hard holiday season.

I wish you all the best in the new year.

Hugs