My beloved Frankie has passed over...

[celeste]

Hi everyone. I came upon this as I was searching for information on Cushings. Forgive me, but I've never done this before and don't even know what a thread is. Well, any way, I have an almost 11 year old boxer named Frankie. He is the love of my life. I rescued him when he was 3. When I brought him home I told him I would love him forever and take such good care of him. Little did I know all the ups and downs we would go through. I took him to the vet the next day to have him checked out because he was losing hair on his hind quarters. The people I got him from told me it was seasonal alopecia. Wrong...it was his thyroid. He has been on meds since. Then a few years later he had a mass cell lump on his back leg. I was scared poopless. It was removed and he was doing really well. Then he developed arthritis in his back leg and was put on Tramadol. Then last year he got really sick and was pooping blood. Alot. The vet initially told me it was an absessed tooth and he would have to get it pulled. This didin't set right with me so I had another vet in the same practice look at him and found he had severe pancreatitis. He was put on antibiotics for at least 4 months and a prescription dog food with chicken and rice. He eventualyl got better, but then......just a few weeks ago he started drinking alot of water, panting incessantly and peeing in the house. Even on his dog bed. He has always had a hearty appetite so I didn't notice any change in that. I let it go because I though it was the heat. But he is in air conditioning. I knew something wasn't right. We went to the vet Tuesday and she took his samples and called yesterday saying it looked like Cushings but he would have to go through an all day test to determine for sure. I'm a mess. My poor guy has been through so much in his sweet life, and I'm just not done loving him. I will never stop. But nonetheless, I will have the tests done. He's an old guy, absolutely hates going to the vet and I know this will put so much stress on his poor sick body. I'm crying as I write this, because I've read about such bad side effects about this drug. And although I am putting the cart before the horse....or the dog in this case, my feelings are usually true, especially when it comes to him. I also feel incredibly guilty about not getting him to the doctors sooner. Can someone please talk me down from this ledge I am on. Thank you all.

[Chloe's Mom]

Welcome Celeste & Frankie. You will find lots of help and support here. I'm pretty new to this too, but it won't be long before the pros come along to tell you all the really important technical stuff.;)

The Cushing's diagnosis is definitely scary. BUT with meds available today, it can be managed. Years ago, the drugs available were very harsh and hard on the dogs. Many had to wonder which was worse - the disease or the treatment? Today, with vetoryl, many dogs are doing well, mine included. We've only been on the drug for about 35 days, but I am very encouraged by the progress my Chloe has made.

I think the key is reading everything you can HERE and be a well-informed advocate for your Frankie. I think the most common problem I've seen here (in my short tenure) are dogs that are prescribed a dosage of vetoryl that is too high. IMO, low and slow is the way to go.:p Just remember that you can always increase the dose when Frankie's tests warrant it.

Bless you for taking such good care of Frankie! He's a lucky pup.

[celeste]

Hi Chloe's Mom
Thank you very much. I'm trying to do my homework on all of this and I have read several posts here about the dosage. I will definitely make sure about taking it slow. I just feel his health has been so compromised lately, that this drug will hurt more than help. I do hope I am wrong on this. And you know, we are the lucky ones. He has taken really good care of me as well.
Thank you again!

[addy]

Welcome. I am glad you have found your way here.

It sounds like Frankie and you have been through quite a lot the last few years. I am sorry about that but it sounds like you were able to help every step of the way.

Cushings does not usually come on suddenly. It progresses over a period of time so for Frankie to suddenly start having accidents in the house makes me wonder if something else is going on. It may be ultimately Cushings is there but it is always best to rule things out as a non adrenal illness can skew the tests used to diagnose Cushings. No one test is perfect.

I will say, we do see a lot of boxers with Cushings but let's not put the cart before the horse.

Do you know what test was done that "looks" like Cushings?

Can you ask for copies to be sent to you of any diagnostic tests? Then post the abnormal results here along with the normal reference range listed by the lab?

It sounds like perhaps UC:CR urine test was done that indicates further testing should be done and that your vet will be performing the LDDS test to try to confirm the disease.

Have you ruled out a urinary tract infection? Has any blood work been done?

Hang in there!!!

[mytil]

Hi and welcome from me too.

Your boy is incredibly lucky to have you!

I do agree with Addy here, these symptoms just do not come on so suddenly. But that being said these symptoms can be dismissed for a long time due to thinking they are just getting older and dogs are great disguisers when it comes to discomfort and health issues.

Chloe's Mom is very correct. Read and educate yourself as Cushing's can be difficult to diagnose. You have so much experience in being your boy's advocate over the years you are a pro.:) --- so here is a link to several other links that talks about Cushing's, the diagnosis and treatments - http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180 (great reading).

Looking forward to the test results.
Terry

[molly muffin]

Hi and welcome from me too. He has thyroid issues so I'd want that checked out, also glucose, and anything else, as the "sudden" part is not the norm. If you think about it, was there any symptoms of drinking/urinating coming on, or was it truly one day he woke up and bham, this is what was going on?

If so, definitely rule out a UTI via a culture. Is his urine dilute? that can make any UTI not necessarily show up on a regular urinalysis.

So, lets see where we really are. If you can get a copy of the lab results and post the abnormal ones here, that would be a huge help.

Again, welcome to the forum.

Sharlene and molly muffin

[pansywags]

Welcome to you. I'm always sad to see another boxer lover join the group - congratulations on seeing yours to 11 (with hopefully more years to come) - so many of them leave us way too early.

Like you, I was terrified of the drugs when I joined the group but after I read a number of real-life accounts I came to realize that medical treatment can be quite manageable with a knowledgeable vet and owner working together.

The others have gotten you started on the right track so I'll just send the very best wishes for you and your boy.

[celeste]

Than you all for your support and vast knowledge and most of all your encouragement. I have tried to be really in tune with my Frankie since the vet has speculated possible Cushings. This is what I have noticed. There is no hair loss or thinning skin, no muscle weakness and as stated before, my boy has ALWAYS had a voracious appetite, so this symptom is impossible for me to judge. His thirst, well he could drink a bowl of water and then not touch it again for hours. But then drink another bowl. He sleeps though the night with no mishaps and his breathing, though rapid is not panting. But, most of the day he does pant. But, in the morning upon waking and even after his breakfast there is no panting or heavy breathing. And, both of these symptoms seemed to appear overnight about a month ago. His accidents in the house happen when I am at work, but he hasn't been out for 8 hours. Truth be told, I've peed my pants on occasion too. :) He goes for his all day test a week form Tuesday. (My vet is going on vacation....of course) I will post the results for you to see.
And yes, he did have a urine and a blood test. I honestly can't remember the results, this was due to my overall stress and nervousness over hearing what ever it was the doctor was going to say. You would think I would be a pro at this with my Frankie, after all he has been though......all I want to do is make him better. He's counting on me.
Thank You all again
Celeste

[celeste]

Boxers are the best, aren't they? I swear he makes me laugh all the time. Even when he's sick. How old is your boxer?
Thank you again for your well wishes

[Harley PoMMom]

Hi Celeste,

A belated welcome to you and Frankie! I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you here but glad you found us.

Cushing's is one of the most difficult diseases to diagnose and unfortunately, it is also one of the most misdiagnosed. Many non-adrenal illnesses share some of the same symptoms that are associated with Cushing's, thyroid problems being one of them. I see from your post that Frankie is on thyroid supplementation, has his levels been checked recently? If his thyroid level is too high this can cause increases in drinking and urination.

Is Frankie's urine diluted? If yes, his increased drinking/urination could be from an UTI. You also mentioned that an urinalysis was done, could you please post those findings for us, thanks! Sometimes when a dog has diluted urine a regular urinalysis may not be sensitive enough to pick up any bacteria that is present, so then an urine culture and sensitivity test needs to be performed.

Frankie sure hit the jackpot when it comes to a loving mom, Bless you for giving sweet Frankie a forever home.

Hugs, Lori

[pansywags]

Celeste,

Boxers are amazing, they make every day better and more fun! I said goodbye to my Pansy earlier this year at the (approximate - she was a rescue) age of not-quite-9.

It will help the experts here tremendously to help interpret test results if you get a copy of Frankie's recent (or entire) vet records for reference. As you see, we are full of questions!

[celeste]

Hi Lori
Thank you for the warm message. Thinking over, Frankie's urine sample was NOT his first pee of the day. And the vet said she would do a T level for his thyroid, but it had been almost 9 hours since he'd eaten and he did not get his meds or eat before the visit. This would not have been an accurate reading as I understood the testing process with thyroid. My vet is away for the week but I will get all the results next week when he has his test done.
And you know Lori...It is I who hit the jackpot with Frankie, he is truly the sweetest, finest dog I have ever owned and given me so much happiness. I love him dearly.
Thanks again
Celeste

[molly muffin]

Awww, sounds like you and Frankie were meant to be in each others lives.

I agree, every boxer I've known is just a wonderful, great personality dog.

Sharlene and molly muffin

[celeste]

Hi everyone
My Frankie had his big test on Tuesday to help diagnose Cushings. He came home stressed and tired. The results came in today and he in fact does have it. I spoke with the Dr. at length and he was quite surprised at how much knowledge I had on this disease. That is thanks to all of you. Here is my question. He is placed on Vetoryl. We discussed his dosage and I told him I wanted to start low. He agreed. Frankie is a 94 lb. boy. So he advised 1 45mg at breakfast, but if I wanted to start him tonight at dinner I could. Either way I'm very freaked out by this drug. He said in 5 days to increase to 90mg. Then to come in in 10 days for his work up. Here is the question. They were out of the mg he needed so they sent me home with 30 mg capsules 2 a day once daily. Would 60 mg. be too high to start. And then to increase to 4 tabs in 4 days...which I do not agree with because that's 120mg. I have a call into the office to speak with him and hope he calls before Frankie's dinnertime. I value everyone's opinion here so please help.Thank you
Frankie's Mom

[labblab]

Hello from me! Given his weight, 60 mg. should be a good place to start dosing with a shift upwards to three 30 mg. capsules for a total of 90 mg. daily. Given your earlier conversation with your vet, I would think that the recommendation to increase to four capsules daily was a mistake. Also, since the ongoing once daily dosing should occur in the morning, I really don't know why you would start tonight rather than waiting until tomorrow morning.

Also, it would be great if you can tell us what the actual diagnostic test result numbers have turned out to be. ;)

Marianne

[karincam1]

Cubby had no bad side effects! He is just a senior dog, and his Cushing's took a toll on him. Our best to you.
Karin

[molly muffin]

60mg isn't a bad start and I agree, they likely meant raise to 90mg which would still be within the parameters. Of course if the 60mg does the trick then you might not need to go up. See how things go.

Sharlene and molly muffin

[celeste]

Hi from Frankie and his Mom
The reason I started him at night is because he was feeling soooo bad for the past 2 weeks leading up to his test, I was so impatient and scared that I felt the need to start ASAP. Plus I wanted to be home with him, as I needed to go to work today. I have taken off enough and needed to get back. And.....This morning, he seems, even after 1 dose a lot better. And the way I gauge that is his panting has not started up, and usually by now he is a panting mess. His eyes look brighter and he ate with gusto, The last few days he wasn't even that hungry in the AM. No vomiting and no diahrea from his first poop. It is very encouraging and I couldn't have gotten through this without all of you. I will remain cautiously optimistic and will certainly keep you all posted.
Thank you all !!!

[molly muffin]

I see why you started him at night, but remember that the ACTH follow up test has to be done 4 - 6 hours after the dose is given, so unless your vet tests at night, and I've only encountered one person's who does that, then you'll need to transition up to the morning for the dosage.

How is he doing?

Sharlene and molly muffin

[celeste]

I thought of that yesterday....wondering about his follow up test. I probably should have waited until the AM. I will call the Dr. Mon AM to ask about the transition. He is just on his second dose at 60 mg. and I see no real change.
He is still drinking alot, and his panting is still the same. I am getting increasingly worried and frustrated and I am trying to be patient. Not one of my strong points right now. I think Frankie senses my worry and I try not to cry in front of him. He leaves the room. Who can blame him. I am now worried about heart disease....a reason for his excessive panting. The Dr. put that bug in my ear....just what I needed. Worry on top of worry. Frankie and I need to catch a break. He wants to do a chest x ray. Told him when Frankie is less stressed we will have one done. I can't take much more. The stress of this is starting to take it's toll on me and I need to be strong for my boy. But I really feel like I'm losing it.

[addy]

Hi,

I know it is hard because we just want our dogs to feel better right away. It can take a bit of time to start seeing results.

http://www.dechra-us.com/Cushings-Syndrome/Veterinarians/Expected-Improvements-1.aspx


Hang in there

[labblab]

I "second" Addy! Please don't be downhearted at this very early stage of treatment. For a dog weighing 90+ pounds, a daily dose of 60 mg. is quite conservative. It may simply not be enough drug and he'll do better when it is increased.

Also, it will not be any big deal to transition to morning dosing. Since the drug will already be leaving his system by the 12+ hour mark, on a one-time basis, you probably would be fine just going ahead and dosing again on the morning after an evening dose. But to be even more conservative, you can just skip a day of dosing altogether. Whichever you do, make sure you make the transition several days before the monitoring ACTH so that it will give you an accurate picture of his cortisol levels 4-6 hours after a consistently given morning dose.

One other thing -- even on this same dose, you may find that he exhibits greater symptom relief when he gets the med in the morning. By dosing in the evening, the drug is having maximal effect while he's asleep and his cortisol starts rising again after he awakens. So in addition to the importance for monitoring testing, it is usually always better to give a once-daily dose in the morning.

Marianne

[celeste]

Hi
Frankie's mom here. Just wondering if any of you have an opinion on buying Vetoryl online. When I picked up Frankie's meds from my vets office Thursday I was shocked at the cost of $80 for 30 caps of 30 mgs. And since he will be on at the very least 90 mgs this will quickly add up. His DEX test was $400 and even though he is worth every penny, well cutting costs when I can would be a great help. . I've looked online and so far Drs. Smith and Foster are the lowest price. But I'm a little leery buying this online. Any thoughts? My boy will soon be the "million dollar " dog !:)

[Harley PoMMom]

Hi, I've taken the liberty and moved your post into Frankie's original thread as it makes it easier for us to review his entire history. I also included in the thread title that you are looking for online meds.

Trilostane is the active ingredient in Vetoryl. And if you get the Trilostane compounded it can be a huge cost savings. I am providing a link to a thread where compounding pharmacies are discussed: Compounding pharmacy questions (http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=385)

Hugs, Lori

[molly muffin]

Yes, compounded trilostane would save you money. Many of our members, if not most buy online due to cost. There are many good ones out there, so not so good but I think Fosters is okay, Diamondback is okay, California Pet Pharmacy, I know there are a couple more too that are used regularly by members.

Now as for symptoms, I know it is frustrating, but it's early dose. I usually don't notice symptom change greatly until about day 10 or so and it can be shorter or longer even. Cortisol can continue to drop on the same dose for over 30 days.

One day at a time.
Hang in there. You and Frankie will be okay.

Now, is Frankie coughing? or just panting? Dogs with cushings often feel hot, as their body temperature don't regulate as well with the cortisol being high.
I'd think that if it was a heart problem, you'd notice coughing and other symptoms associated with that.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[labblab]

If you and your vet prefer to stick with brandname Vetoryl, at least during this initial time period while you are getting Frankie regulated as to the appropriate dose, then you may want to select an internet veterinary pharmacy that carries VIPP accreditation:

http://www.nabp.net/programs/accreditation/vet-vipps

http://www.nabp.net/programs/accreditation/vet-vipps/find-a-vet-vipps-online-pharmacy

You'll see that Doctors Foster & Smith and California Pet Pharmacy are both on that list. Another member here has used another pharmacy, Lambert, for quite some time and I thought they were also on the list although I do not currently see them named. (Edited to add: Lambert's is indeed on the list as a website location for "Pet Choice Pharmacy").

If Frankie does advance to 90 mg. once daily, I am guessing it would be cheaper to buy one box of 60 mg. capsules and one box of 30 mg. If you do decide to switch to a compounded version of trilostane right now, you will have to order a dose that is not available in the brandname product. And even though you could request a single 88 mg. or 92 mg. capsule to be prepared for Frankie, for instance, I would recommend going with a smaller dosage unit initially so that you have greater flexibility to tweak should you need to increase or decrease just by a bit.

Without question, compounded trilostane is much cheaper than brandname Vetoryl. For dogs needing big doses, longterm use of Vetoryl may simply be unaffordable (especially when a combo of dosage strengths is required). However, a recent comparative study has indicated that some compounded products may vary significantly from Vetoryl in terms of labelled strength and efficacy. That is why my own personal preference is that if you can afford it, to hold off on switching until you have confidence that you have first identified the optimal dose of the drug to be giving your dog. That way, you will have a basis for judging the action of the compounded med. Having said all that, we do have many members who use compounded products to their satisfaction, and also for whom it is a necessity when their dogs require a dose that cannot be achieved using any combo of Vetoryl.

Marianne

[celeste]

Hi Everyone
I just transitioned Frankie to a morning dose. Still at 60 mgs. I will start with his 90mg on Tuesday since I am off that day and can watch him. It will give me 7 days on 90mg until his ACH test. To answer your question about coughing. Yes he does cough occasionally and it sounds as if he has something in his throat, like he is trying to get it out. There is no wheezing associated with it. The night before I got his results he projectiled his whole dinner up (along with the bowl of water he had just consumed). After that he had stopped. But I seem to see a pattern that his coughing is at night. I would like to think that it is due to his constant panting, but perhaps I am trying to bury my head in the sand. When the vet put the heart disease bug in my ear...well adding that to my worries took me over the edge. I am starting to really lose it, Frankie seems so restless, especially at night. The constant panting has become torture for me, and I'm sure he feels the same way. Last night I was so exhausted I had to take him downstairs to sleep. I have only done that twice since I have had him. But my guilt over that kept me awake. I felt myself getting angry, at him no less. That made me feel even worse. We both finally got to sleep. I am starting to feel my sweet Frankie slipping away, trying to prepare myself, if one ever can. These thoughts are consuming me, and when Frankie sees me cry, he leaves the room. And I can't stress him out even more. So I try to keep myself in check. When I look into his sad cloudy eyes I try to remember the happy, funny dog he was who met me at the door with his favorite chewed up toy. I wish I could have just one of those days back, so I could have loved him even more. As if that were even possible to love him more than I do today. OK...I'm sorry for rambling. This is so all consuming and I feel so very helpless and so very sad. I pray that in the morning he will still be with me.......so when he is, I celebrate another day with my beloved boy.
Celeste

[Callie's mom]

How is Frankie doing?

[molly muffin]

Hi I'm checking in to see how Frankie is doing too. He's been on the medication now for a few days. Are you seeing any improvements yet, or any sign of him not feeling well?

I hope you are doing okay. It does get better as you deal with all of this and become familiar with what to expect. It is always scary at the beginning.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[celeste]

Frankie died Friday evening on the way to the Pet ER. My heart is broken into a million peices. I barely have the energy to write this, but all of you were so helpful to us and are truly the angels I had hoped to find.
Frankie never stopped panting. He had been on the vetoryl for 8 days and I had seen no resolve or even a hint of any up until the day he passed. He was also coughing, and had called the Dr. numerous time about it. I rushed him up there on Wednesday to insist on a chest xray. He had one scheduled for this Tuesday when he was to have his second ACHT test. His cough, which was more like him having to get something out of his throat was producing white foam, that on the day I rushed him in it had started to be tinged with blood. I was frantic, thinking it might be a sign of heart failure. Xrays showed a fairly normal heart and clear lungs. The Dr. prescribed something to suppress the cough and get him some rest. These pills were $5.25 each. He prescribed 20. You all can do the math. Frankie had not slept at all for the past several days, as his constant panting kept him up. The pills never worked, nor did they allow him to sleep. Dr. thought that his trachea was so inflamed from panting that this was the cause of the blood. I called again on Thursday with the Vet telling me more of the same. I begged him to help me and tell me what to do. He gave me no help but to give it time for the med to work. By Friday, My sweet Frankie could hardly walk, his breathing was labored and he was not drinkink, eating or going outside. I called the office once again, hoping they would insist on seeing him. But....it was Friday and 6:30 and they were closing. He said they had some liquid supplement if I wanted to stop by and get some. How was I to leave Frankie when he was so ill, how was I to get him to drink this if he would not eat. Please Dr. tell me what I should do. He said I could try to go to the Towson ER, they have some good respiratory Drs. there. By this time, knowing it was too late, but praying by some chance that I could save him, we somehow got my Frankie in the car, a pup that just 2 weeks earlier, was so strong still, so happy, that was now a shadow of his former self. His breathing so labored now, he was so dehydrated, there was dried blood on his tongue, As we drove off, he sat up, ears perked and smiled, seconds later he was gone. He suffered so much the last couple days, it was so quick how he went downhill, I knew Friday when we left, it would be the last time he was to be in his home. A home that was filled to the brim with love for him. He was my world, the reason I got out of bed every day. He brought me more joy in the 8 years I had him than anything or anyone ever had.
I see him every where I go, I beg for one more minute with him, to touch him, to tell him for the millionth time how much I loved him. I fear I will never be the same again. I weep for him every minute, and try to remember the good times, but all I see now is me covering his lifeless body with my own, willing him not to leave me. You see....he was the light of my life, and now...everything is dark.
Celeste

[labblab]

Oh Celeste, I cannot tell you how sorry I am to read this. But thank you so much for coming back to tell us. I know it must have been so hard for you to write these words. Even though there is no way in which we can change your pain, please know that we are here to listen, to talk, and to support you in every way possible. Although everything is forever changed for you, you will not be alone in these coming days because you have us right by your side. I will come back again at another time to write some more, but for right now, just know that I am honoring Frankie's brave spirit and sending you strength from across the miles.

In loving memory of your precious boy,
Marianne

[doxiesrock912]

Celeste, I am so very sorry that Frankie passed. Thankful that you were with him though.
I also lost my sweet Daisy recently and know your pain all too well.

Cherish the wonderful memories and know that all who have passed no longer suffer with this horrible disease. Hugs

[molly muffin]

Celeste, I can barely see to type as the tears flow down my cheeks. My heart hurts for yours as we know Frankie was the light of your day. I am so very sorry that he is gone. We will always be here for you, any time, day or night.
Please know you have my sincerest condolences for your loss.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[Woodydog]

I'm so sorry for you loss

Run free Frankie x

[pansywags]

Oh, Celeste, I am so very sorry for your loss. So many of us here know how painful it can be and we are here for you to lean on.

Sweet dreams, Frankie.

[scoora]

Celeste,
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy Frankie.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hugs

[Budsters Mom]

Frankie has joined our other fur angels at the bridge. Fly free sweet Frankie, fly free.

[Robert]

So sorry for your loss. Praying for both of you. Regards

[mytil]

I too am so incredibly sorry for your loss of your sweet Frankie. We are all here for you.

healing (((hugs)))
Terry

[Callie's mom]

Tears for you. I am so sorry poor Frankie had such a struggle at the end, there is nothing harder on us to watch. I know of your broken heart, mine was broken in April losing my 8 year old boxer and now I'm struggling with my 11 year old boxer with Cushing's, but nothing like what you had to go through. Let yourself cry at will and try to console yourself with the memories of the wonderful time you had together as bittersweet as that is.

[gatorgirl_bama]

Celeste,
I'm sitting here crying so hard I can hardly type. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that you've lost your sweet Frankie. I haven't commented before, but I have been keeping up with Frankie's struggles, praying for some relief for you both. I checked your thread every morning to see how Frankie was progressing. You see, I lost my precious Tia on August 11, 2013, two days after her first ACTH test.

You'll shed many tears and there will be many days that you feel like you can't go on. So many of us here have been through this and are here to lend and ear and a virtual shoulder to cry on if you need it. Please take care of yourself and know you're not alone.

Sending you love and healing prayers,
Donna

[celeste]

My sweet dear friends
Although I have known you all such a very short time, it has been a great comfort for me to know you are there. And even though this "virtual" friendship is one that shares our lives greatest joys and deepest sorrows, the love of our beloved pets, I feel honored to have been part of this forum. From the bottom of my heart I'd like to thank all of you who have shared your thoughts, words of encouragement, and now....your condolences over my sweet baby boy. My love for Frankie is so profound, so deep that my heart is an open wound. I cannot see beyond the tears, I cannot at this time think of the Rainbow Bridge. All I feel is such acute loss, that I wonder if even time will heal this. It was such a privilege to have had this beautiful sweet dog in my life, as short as it was. I will be forever blessed and grateful that we found our way to each other.
I know many of you feel as I feel, have wept as I weep, have suffered the joy and loss of a beloved pet. For all of us I weep, and know that each and every one of you will forever be in my thoughts. I pray for your sweet pups, I pray they stay healthy, strong, and live free of pain. And one day, when they get to the Rainbow Bridge, my sweet baby boy will be there to welcome them.
Thank you all again,
Celeste

[Mackenzie]

Celeste, I'm new to this forum (joined about the same time as you did) and I have been following your thread. I just wanted to express my condolences for your Frankie's passing. I am deeply saddened for you and would like to thank you for sharing your story.

[celeste]

Thank You so much Mackenzie. I wish you all the best with your loved one.

[addy]

Celeste, I am truly sorry for my belated condolences. Having lost my own heart dog in February,it now takes me awhile to find the right words.

In the coming days please know that you can come here at any time for support and hugs. We are here for you,whatever you need for as long as you need it.

Our little ones,our heart dogs, take a piece of us with them. People say the pain is so bad because the joy and love were so great.

Frankie will still be with you as you now start a new journey. They are always by our side, forever in our hearts.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your little boy.

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Celeste,

I have been reading along with Frankie's story and my heart was ripped out as I read you post about his final hours...and I am so so sorry.

You did everything you could to help your sweet boy and he knows this without question. He knows how very much you love him and always will - and that love is returned to you through all time and across all barriers. That love will never end.

Today your sweet Frankie is running in the Rainbow Fields, his lungs clear and full of fresh air as he chases butterflies with his new friends. His eyes are bright and shining, his grin contagious. All his pain and fear is behind him, forgotten the second he crossed The Bridge. He is as he was in his youth.

There Frankie will wait for that day when your job on this old Earth is done and you will join him. For us, that time seems to creep by but for our babies on the Other side, it is but a second that they will wait. And when our time comes, our precious babies will fly across that Bridge into our arms once again and we will never be parted again. Until then, Frankie will be watching over you with the same love and devotion you showed to him.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, Fox and all our Angels



I ONLY WANTED YOU

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

--- Anonymous ---

[celeste]

Hi Everyone
It has been 12 days since my sweet Frankie has left. I wish I could say I am doing better. And....perhaps I am as I can now at least put clothes on and go to work. . I miss him every moment of every day. Nothing is as it was. I still talk to him, I still expect him to take my covers off in the morning to let me know he was ready to eat. I still have his bowls out, with the kibble and rice on his rug under the bowls. It feels like if I clean it up he will really be gone. I have been reading alot of your posts here, especially when one of your beloved babies has passed. I cry, for your losses and then cry for my own. But what I have found is that each of us loved, cherished, protected and did all we could for our babies. We will always still grieve our loss, but our lives have changed. Your courage and strength inspires me, and gives me some comfort to know I am not alone, and the guilt I feel is probably unwarranted, as many of you have felt and perhaps still feel. Yesterday was particularly hard for me. I don't know why...maybe because I felt my fiance losing patience with me. Feeling as though I should be moving on. Again, unwarranted because I know he is just concerned. His life without Frankie is not the same either. I must remember that. But I'm stuck in my world of grief, loneliness, and complete darkness. My life has changed, my routine has changed, my world has changed. But....knowing that I would never be judged here, a place of solace for me to say the things in my head where all of you would most definitely get it is a comfort. That is my only peace right now. It still amazes me how many of us are out there, having to deal with this vile disease, one that strikes our babies when they are at their most fragile time in their life.
I hope you all are well, and again I pray for your babies to be free of pain and live a happy and loved life.
Celeste

[addy]

Dear Celeste,

Here is your safe place; you will never be judged, never told to move on or get over it. We all understand only too well, I'm afraid. Just know where you are right now is ok, to feel the pain and emptiness.

We all grieve differently, at different paces. You will go through the process in your own unique way.

Just know that we hold out our hands and hearts to you and Frankie.
Here, Frankie too will never be forgotten.

Right now,just going through the motions is ok.

[Harley PoMMom]

Dear Celeste,

Addy is absolutely right, we will always be here for you and we do understand your pain, please come talk to us at anytime.

Sending you tons of loving hugs, Lori

[molly muffin]

I think Addy said it all very well. We each grieve in our own way in our own time. There is no right and there is no wrong. It just is and we get through it however we can for however long we need to.
Here is home, a safe place. No matter what is going on in your life and your world, you have somewhere to come and let your hair down so to speak, whenever you need to do so. Or just because you want to.

Hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[celeste]

Thank you all so very much for your kindness and support. All of you are true angels. I mean that. And all of your pups are the luckiest pups in the world to have you. If it were not for my Frankie I would not have known such kindness existed. One more reason to be thankful to have had him in my life.
Be well everyone

[Dixie'sMom]

Celeste, I am new here and have just read Frankie's story. It sounds as if you and Frankie were a match made in heaven, and I hope you believe, as I do, that we will be reunited with all of our loved ones one day including our precious furbabies. I know that doesn't help your pain today and probably not in the near days to come, but someday, you will find comfort in knowing that you will see him again. Frankie sounds like he was an awesome boy, and you have been a great, loving, caring devoted mom. You were both very blessed to have each other. Prayers and hugs and love and I'm here for you as well. Let us know how you are getting along.

[celeste]

I'm sorry if I have done this post incorrectly.
It will be a year on Friday that I lost my soul dog, Frankie to Cushings. I wanted to say Hi to everyone and hope that you and your fur babies are doing OK. When my Frankie was first diagnosed I joined this forum to get some much needed information and support. I got both. All of you understood what I was going through. And if nothing else, that made it easier. I wanted to touch base, because as the day comes closer, my grief begins anew. Although I must say....my grief has never really left me. But this week, as I start to remember the last week of Frankie's life, and of course not knowing it was to be his last, my sadness is huge, the loss is still fresh and the need to touch him once more is bigger than ever. As I know none of you will judge me, I still carry his ashes with me wherever I go in the house, still talk to him and still cry most nights. I cannot let him go. I talk to no one about this except my fiance....who also has never judged. But I think you all get it best. I MISS HIM TERRIBLY!
I think it is probably normal to feel this way as his one year anniversary approaches....but it has taken me by storm. I would also like to tell you all that I have since adopted another dog. A two year old Boxer boy I named Fletch. He is a real sweetheart. I swore when I got another dog, I did not want another brindle boxer. Well.....that is what he is. Fate I suppose. He is not anything like my Frankie though, nor do I want him to be. I love him....but he is not yet my soul dog. I look forward to the day he becomes that, as I'm sure he will.
I still long for my boy, wait for him to come to me again as he did the day after he passed, in all of his young and shining, healthy glory, sure in the fact that there truly was a rainbow bridge. I have unfortunately learned one very important lesson in all of this. We must truly live life everyday, love everyday and understand we are here for a minute. We get no second chances when our loved ones leave us, so we must love them completely while they are with us, never knowing if it will be the last time we see them, touch them or simply be with them. I wish I knew that the day my Frankie passed was to be his last day with me. I have learned to remember that it is the journey..... and not the destination.
Best wishes to all, prayers for those who might be suffering and strength to those who need it.
Fondly,
Celeste

[labblab]

Dear Celeste,

Welcome back to you! We are really glad to see you here again, and to have the chance to help you remember and honor your sweet boy. Anniversaries can be so very hard, and I just don't think that ever changes no matter how many years pass by. But the first anniversary holds a special ache, all of its own. So please know we are here to stand right by your side at all times, but especially during this week of memories and longing to see Frankie once again.

Thank you, also, for introducing us to Fletch. Like you, we know he is not a replacement for Frankie, but instead a sweet boy with his own special spirit. I am glad you have Fletch right at your side, especially at this time when your heart is hurting so deeply.

Do take good care of yourself, Celeste, and thank you so much for coming back to see us once again. You are always welcome here, anytime, to share more stories about both your boys, and just to let us know how you are doing.

Sending big hugs to you this week,
Marianne

[celeste]

Hi Marianne,
Thank you for the kind words. My eyes are swollen from crying so much....happy in the fact that another "first" is over. I hope all is well with you and appreciate the kindness and compassion you have always shown.
Take Care
Celeste, Fletch and memories of my sweet baby boy.

[molly muffin]

Hi Celeste, So good to see you again. These first are sure hard aren't they.

It was after my Tasha passed and we had our first year of her gone, that our little Molly muffin came into our lives.

I think that no matter what we think our next one might be, it is in the end, they who pick us, they look at us and say, you are mine and I am yours and that is that.

Welcome Fletch, you got yourself a great mom there. It would be nice to think that Frankie might have given a nudge and said, this is the one to help heal your heart.

So glad you popped in to say hello.

[celeste]

Thank you Sharlene and Molly Muffin. I do believe that my sweet Frankie had a hand in rescuing Fletch. And even though my heart will always be a little (a lot) broken over my loss of Frankie, Fletch has already stolen a piece of it. But there are still days, and many at that, that I have to wonder if I'll ever stop grieving for him. I don't think I will.
All the best to you.

[mytil]

Dear Celeste,
Thank you for posting again. Many times we do not hear from those who pups have passed so it is good to hear from you.

Yes, anniversaries are very hard. But also the small things that pop up and take us by surprise that are just as hard. They bring forward all of the raw emotions and memories. And all of this is okay. I still feel the hurt when I lost my little soul doggie Mytilda even after all these years and shed tears and miss her.

Your Frankie will always be in your heart and I think he did bring Fletch into your life to help both you and Fletch as he knows what a wonderful Mom you are.

Please keep in touch.
Terry

[celeste]

Hi Terry
Thank you so much for the kind words. I know I've said this before..... and I know all of you get it. I will never stop missing or shedding tears for my soul dog Frankie. He is with me everyday.
Fondly
Celeste