CoCo Puff - Trilostane and seizure - CoCo has passed

[Little CoCo Puff]

I started CoCo on trilostane almost 2 weeks ago and at 4 a.m this morning she had a grand mal seizure - it was horrible. She screamed and woke me from the sofa where I have been for the last few months with her. She was on her side, legs twitching, eyes and mouth open, no breathing for a few seconds, then breathing and she pooped herself up. After 20-30 seconds of this she stopped but remained unresponsive and lay there for another 20 minutes. Then she got up and was very wobbly and crashed to the floor. She bumped into every piece of furniture and I called her but it was as if she couldn't hear. It tested her hearing and didn't get a response. She would not settle and every time she would lay down she would start whining and growling and trash around like something was distressing her. She slept most of the day and has been very quiet. Are seizures caused by Cushing's or from the pituitary tumor or both?

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi and welcome to you and CoCo Puff! :)

I took the liberty of copying your post on Ginger's thread in order to start a thread just for your sweet CoCo. I set the title to reflect the Cushing's and seizure but if you would like the title to say something else, please let me or one of the mods / admins know and we will take care of that for you.

How is your sweet girl this morning? Has she had any more seizures over night?

As a general rule, Cushing's does not cause seizures UNLESS it is the pituitary form and the tumor starts to grow, becoming what is called a Macro tumor. Typically other neurological signs are seen with macros like circling, pressing the head on surfaces, changes in behavior and personality - things very similar to doggy Alzheimer's. Unfortunately, the very treatments that saves the lives of these babies can also cause the pituitary tumor to start growing in some pups. However, so often it seems that when a pup starts to have seizures the cause is never really known - we just have to deal with their appearance and effects on our babies.

Have you seen any other changes in your sweet girl lately? How is her treatment working? There will be many questions to come so be prepared to share with us her testing to diagnose the Cushing's, her history, the monitoring ACTHs since starting treatment, etc. We're a nosy bunch! :p Not really - but the more you can tell us about CoCo the more meaningful feedback we can offer.

I'm glad you found us and look forward to learning more very soon. Please know you are with family here - we will be with you every step of the way. Never hesitate to ask questions and we will do our best to help.

Looking forward to hearing from you this morning on how CoCo is doing.
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[goldengirl88]

Welcome to the forum I know there are several people on here dealing with seizures happening to their babies. Has you dog had it's thyroid checked? That can cause seizures too. I amso sorry your dog is having these problems. Blessings
Patti

[labblab]

Hello and welcome to you and CoCo, although I am so sorry about her seizure. You will see that I have taken the liberty of moving your reply from the thread in which you originally placed it. Instead, you now have a thread that is your very own. This will make it a lot easier for our members to reply to you directly.

I am hoping you are already on your way in to see the vet this morning. There can be many different causes for seizures, and performing some basic lab tests can be the first step in sorting things out. Also, has she yet had a monitoring ACTH stimulation test performed to check her cortisol level since beginning the trilostane?

When you have the chance, can you tell us more about CoCo's overall health history? What problems led you to suspect Cushing's, and what diagnostic tests were performed? Do you know yet as to whether she has the pituitary or adrenal form of the disease? How much does CoCo weigh, and what dose of trilostane is she taking?

I'm so sorry for so many questions, but your answers will really help us move forward with our thoughts and suggestions. Please keep us updated as to how she is doing today!

Marianne

P.S. It looks as though Leslie and I were working on moving your post at exactly the same time. Great minds thinking alike! ;)

[Little CoCo Puff]

Thank you for the welcome and all the info you have shared. CoCo is a 13 year old, female, Pomeranian that weighs in at a whopping 3.3 pounds. A couple of years ago I kind of thought she was Cushingnoid just by the symptoms listed on many sites. Her behavior began to change in October but chalked it up to old age. It was her increasing insatiable thirst, increased eating and huge amounts of urine (with accidents) that lead me to seek more help. I had a complete blood panel drawn and took in a urine sample. The urinanalysis came back with lots of protein in it. The blood work suggested the liver and kidney functions were ok. The thyroid seemed to be low so a FreeT4 and TSH test were done and they came back normal so the vet consulted with an internal medicine doctor. That doctor suggested he felt the protein in the urine and low thyroid T4 were a result of something else going on in the body. That is when I decided to have the Low Dose Dexamethasone Suppression test done. I got a call from my vet when the results came back and she said "CoCo is not a little Cushingnoid, she is full blown Cushingnoid". I went in to see the vet and talk with her about treatment and causes. CoCo had an abdominal ultrasound done 8 months prior and at the time it showed an enlarged liver; adrenal glands were normal in size and no lesions were found. The vet thought that with CoCo's past seizures (she has had 4 that I know of), her change in behavior and the fact that nothing was found on the ultrasound or subsequent x-rays it was 99.9% that CoCo has a pituitary tumor. Tuesday, March 25th will be two weeks since CoCo has been on trilostane - she takes .5ml once per day. Tomorrow we also go in for a recheck of her cortisol levels to see if we have to alter her dosage or not. Her trilostane was compounded and is in liquid form. I have to say that in the two weeks she has been on it I have noticed subtle decreases in the amount of water and urination. Since October I had been getting up with 2 - 3 times per night to take her to potty. The panting and pacing has decreased and she seems a bit more settled. Her eating has gone down a bit. She is on Urinary SO because she does have some kidney stones but because she has dropped so much weight the vet put her on a prescription high energy food. CoCo was 3.7 pounds 2 weeks ago and last week she was 3.3. She can't afford anymore weight loss as she is skin and bones as it is - except for the pot belly. She also has 2 quarter sized skin infections going on at the moment. I spoke to my vet this morning about the seizure and am going in tonight for an appointment with her to discuss options for CoCo. I hope some of this additional info helps shed some light and will help me find some answers when I speak with the vet later today.

[molly muffin]

Hello and welcome. I see you found us here at the forum. Coco and her mum are also on our facebook page.
Coco had a very bad grand mal seizure last night and they should be at the vets now. Hoping for an update when they get back. Coco is only 3.3lb, little pom.
Adorable as she can be.

You'll see that we have a couple people on the forum right now who are dealing with seizure, ginger and spencer are two .

Let us know how it goes today. Big hugs!! I know this was terrifying. :(
Sharlene and molly muffin

[molly muffin]

Oh sorry I thought you were at the vets this afternoon.

Sharlene and molly muffin

[Little CoCo Puff]

Just got in from the city and the vet clinic. CoCo's vet, Dr. Stelfox did another thorough exam of CoCo and discovered a hemorrhage behind CoCo's left eye. She has cataracts in both eyes but the vet could still see to the back of the retina and there is a hemorrhage there that was not there last week. The vet says either the tumor caused it or the seizure. All the tests performed on CoCo point to a pituitary tumor and my vet said in some cases there can be a secondary tumor. At this point we are running out of options. With every grand mal seizure there is a risk that CoCo will not survive given her other problems. With CoCo the vet believes her seizures are caused by the tumor. Dr. Stelfox is highly trained in treating dogs with all kinds of cancer so she knows her stuff. There is a drug called CCNU used to treat tumors - she told me today that the drug is more effective in treating tumors that are NOT on the pituitary and not much study has gone into the pituitary tumor and CCNU. At this point our choices are limited. To treat her seizures may or may not be effective because CoCo's are caused from the tumor - so that option doesn't seem likely. I could do no further treatment but it is a given CoCo will have more frequent and prolonged seizures as the tumor grows. Could euthanize CoCo but I am not there yet and she is making some progress on the Cushing's drug. Dr. Stelfox suggested that if we tried the CCNU drug and things don't go in CoCo's favor at least I have exhausted all possibilities. Of course this drug does not come without side effects and the 3 main ones are: bone marrow suppression (which means white cell count goes up which means chance of infection), loss of appetite and it is a bit hard on the liver. She would check the white blood cell count 1 week after the drug is given and she also gives the drug with an antibiotic, loss of appetite could be dealt with another type of med and the liver...well not much we can do about that. CoCo has an enlarged liver as it is. I have decided to try the CCNU - at this point the weigh scales are about even. I take CoCo in tomorrow to get an ACTH stim test done and then on Thursday we will have the results from that and administer the CCNU - it is given once every 3 weeks. I am going to lose my precious baby one way or the other but I would feel at peace if I knew in my heart and soul that I did everything I could. If at that point it doesn't work out - I will let my beautiful little soul fly free.

[BoxerMominBeantown]

I'm not sure I have much useful info to share, but just wanted to say that I'm thinking of both of you. Cooper was just diagnosed with a macro tumor last week. Before we learned of the tumor, he was on trilostane and had a bad reaction to it. I think the trilostane was actually making some of this symptoms worse. I took him off it and then decided to do the ultrasound to confirm the Cushing's diagnosis that the bloodwork gave us. His adrenal glands were fine. So then we did the MRI and found the tumor. I have him on prednisone now and I'm noticing some slight improvements.
I hope CoCo starts to improve. Sending good thoughts your way.

[Little CoCo Puff]

Thank you BoserMominBeantown for your concern.

[Little CoCo Puff]

CoCo went in for her first ACTH stim test but I won't know what her levels are until Thursday, perhaps. Her blood protein is good. She has an appointment Thursday with her vet to get her first dose of CCNU along with an antibiotic and a something to settle her tummy should it become upset due to the CCNU.

[Harley PoMMom]

Hoping that the CCNU works for sweet Coco Puff, will be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers, please do keep us updated.

Hugs, Lori

[molly muffin]

How is Coco today?

The ACTH can make them have quite a few cushing symtoms for the first 48 hours or so, because the cortisol rises in their system.

Hoping for a good night with no seizures tonight.

hugs
Sharlene and Molly muffin

[Little CoCo Puff]

Molly Muffin, thanks for the info...never quite thought of that. She is peeing more since she got back from the clinic and seems a bit more thirsty than she has been the last few days. Right now she is snoozing. Thanks for asking.

[Renee]

Oh goodness yes, the ACTH can make them nuts for the next day or so. Tobey had a big reaction to one of them about a month ago!

[Little CoCo Puff]

CoCo seems to have had yet another setback. She was fine when we got back from the vet...well as fine as she can be. She was quite thirsty because of the ACTH stim test and of course peeing a little more then she has over the last few days. She was not interested in eating but I tried several times to get her to eat. Took her out to potty about 8 pm and I noticed outside she was trying to shake herself. It was snowing a bit and she was trying to shake the snow off but every time she started it was like there was something stopping her. As you know when a dog shakes they shake their head too and this is what seemed to be bothering CoCo. I brought her upstairs and kept a watchful eye. She tried many more times to shake but couldn't and on a few of those head shakes she started to cry...like she was in discomfort. I picked her up very carefully and placed her on her bed and she sat on all fours very awkwardly...like she did not want to put her head down...she was also trembling. She did not move so at 10 pm I grabbed my pillow and slept on the sofa to keep watch. She stayed in her bed until 1:45 and then got up for a drink. I took her out to pee and tried to give her food...she was not interested. This morning she is still trying to give herself a shake but stops just as she starts. I am beginning to wonder if this is the result of her pituitary tumor or the hemorrhage behind her retina. What ever it is it can't be a good sign. We have had a huge amount of snow since last night - tomorrow I take CoCo in for a vet appointment.

[doxiesrock912]

Yes, they can be off after an ACTH test but not like you're describing. Good luck tomorrow! I hope that it's nothing serious.

[Little CoCo Puff]

More and more things are stacking up against Little CoCo Puff. A few days ago I was feeling optimistic but after this past week and all the new things happening - I see CoCo is slipping. I will not forsake her for my own feelings. I love her to death. Have had her since she was 8 weeks old - she is 13 now so you all can understand the heart felt, gut wrenching sick feeling I have. Through tears rolling down my face I feel I know what I have to do but I don't want to do it but I must for CoCo's dignity and peace. Damn, this is so hard - I love her so much - I sometimes wish she would fall asleep and not wake so I would not have to make the final decision. I don't want her to suffer. Her quality of life is not even a fraction of what it was 6 months ago - she has faded very quickly. Please pray for us so I can find the strength...

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, sweetheart, it is never easy to make "the decision" no matter the circumstances. I know your deep love for your sweet Coco Puff will lead you correctly when the time is right. She trusts you and so do we.

Please know we are here any time you need to talk, to ask questions, or simply to have a safe place to fall.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you all,
Leslie and the gang

[Little CoCo Puff]

Thank you Leslie - it is so hard. CoCo's mom - Janet.

[goldengirl88]

I am so sorry your CoCo is having so much trouble. Cushing's is such a complicated disease that sometimes it is impossible to figure out what is going on. When you said that she would not shake her head, my first thought was Tipper's first two ACTH test reactions. She was acting very strange on the way home in the car. When we got out she seemed confused like she was scared and didn't know where she was at. I took her inside for a drink and she seemed sort of dazed. I took her out to go potty a little later and she started going in circles and collapsed. I was scared to death. I knew the test brought this on. She acted funny all nite. It was vestibular disease, and it has been associated with Cushing's. I researched it and ended up on YouTube and saw a dog acting the same way. I am positive it was brought on by this testing as it happened again the next time. I am wondering if Coco's inner ear was giving her problems after this test making her not want to shake her head?? Tipper is still wild and crazy after testing, but no more reactions like this thank God. I am sorry to hear how bad things are, but they can turn around just as fast, so please give it more time. Maybe we can all solve this collectively. Praying for you and CoCo Puff.
Patti

[goldengirl88]

After reading through your thread I have some questions. Has CoCo had an MRI to determine the size of the pituitary tumor to see if it is even a possibility it is the cause of her problems?? I am not sure I would opt to treat a tiny dog with CCNU until someone gave me solid proof the tumor is even doing this. My Tipper's thyroid was low, not a lot either, but I noticed she was off. I wonder if a small half dosage of thyroid meds would have helped her. It can make everything in your system out ofnwack as I have thyroid problems and know. It could affect her appetite also. Plus I know you only started on 5 mg of trilostane, but I also know small tiny dogs can react like they were given a much higher mg. Could the 5 mg have been too much for her system? Would it have been better to try her on 3 mg?? I am just trying to back track and think this over outside the box. Blessings
Patti

[Little CoCo Puff]

goldengirl88, CoCo has had a tough go of it - she is 3.3 pounds so she doesn't have a lot of substance to fight anything off. She was trying to shake the snow off her body and she would start but stop, start and stop. It was her head and I was wondering if it was her hemorrhage behind her eye that was acting up. She is tired and weak - I am trying to find any sign but I am so afraid we are running out.

[molly muffin]

Oh Janet. :( Super big hugs. I'm so sorry that things are not going well for Coco. I know you are scared for her and heart broken. :(

I saw on Spencer's thread that he is now 3 nights without any seizures since they put him on seizure medication. Did the vet think this is a possibility?
I know I'm grasping at straws blowing in the wind, but well, it's what I do. :)

Whatever you decide, whenever, we will all be right here with you. Both here and on our Facebook group, you and Coco are a part of our cushings family and always will be.

hugs
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Little CoCo Puff]

CoCo had an ultra sound of her abdomen and she has an enlarged liver and her adrenal glands were ok...no tumors. No MRI because CoCo is high risk to be sedated. Last June she had the last of her teeth removed and the intubation tube got lodged because of her slightly collapsing trachea. I vowed at the point, that at 13 she will never be put under again. Her thyroid is normal and was tested FreeT4 and TSH. All tests and symptoms lead to pituitary tumor. She started off on .4ml of liquid trilostane. My vet wanted to start very low because in the past vets would give higher doses and they found that was not the right thinking. CCNU was a last resort. My vet is highly trained in cancer therapy and said CCNU works very well on NON pituitary tumors but the jury is out how effective if any it works on pituitary tumors - it was a long shot because our options are limited. The seizures are coming from the tumor and we are seeing changes in CoCo every day...things that were not there one day are there the next.

[molly muffin]

Another option would be to not administer any further vetroyl, and try an anti-inflamatory to relieve pressure?

Sharlene and molly muffin

[Little CoCo Puff]

Molly muffin, thanks for you support.

[labblab]

Dear Janet,

As much as I would wish otherwise, I have no great suggestions to offer. But I have been following your thread and want you to know that I am holding your family in my thoughts and my heart.

I lost my own Cushpup to what we assume was an expanding pituitary tumor, and also suffered the heartbreak of losing my baby day-by-day, and then seemingly hour-by-hour. It is such a painful decision to make...at what point is it no longer fair to ask our babies to continue on?

Having suffered through that decision myself, I am sending you my thoughts of strength and comfort. Please know that we are here for you as you make your decisions for CoCo.

Marianne

[Iraklis]

Have you tried and natural remedies/supplements like omega-3, curcumin/turmeric?
Do you know of artemisinin and its derivatives?

Have you asked your vet on any of this?

Hope all goes well with your doggie!!

[goldengirl88]

I am just grasping at any straws don't mean to be annoying, as I know how you feel and I get so frustrated no being able to help someone in pain as you are from all this. I am praying for something good to happen with this treatment. Blessings
Patti

[Little CoCo Puff]

goldengirl88, you are not annoying and every one has something important to add. As a dog owner we all know our dog better than anyone else and we all want what is best for our dog. CoCo has had the same vet since she was 8 weeks old and that is a comfort. I remember when my cat, Lucky had her first stroke at 19 years old and I was struggling with what to do. My vet gave me some very sage advice. She said "make a list of all the things that Lucky loved to do for the last 19 years; then look at that list and ask does she do this or enjoy that anymore"? "When you are getting more no replies you will finally have your answer". She was right because not too long after that Lucky could no longer do the basics so I knew it was time. I think about what she said when I look at CoCo and the enjoy list does not exist anymore. My CoCo is purely existing and not enjoying any quality of life that she once knew. That is the very sad and harsh reality that I must face. I appreciate all input and support from the group it has helped a lot.

[goldengirl88]

Just know my heart is breaking for you.

[molly muffin]

If there is one thing I have learned through this forum and being involved with so many animals and their lives. It is not just about life, but also about quality of life. Your vet seems to be of the same opinion.

It easier sometimes to ask, what can we do to make them live longer, when in fact the question is what can we do to give them back quality of life. What can we do or the vet do, to make them not be in pain or discomfort and enjoy their lives once again.

I wish that Coco could and would have a quality life again, but I don't know how to get her there. I wish I did, any of these options mentioned can be discussed with your vet to see if she thinks that they would give Coco back a quality life.
We just always really hate to lose even one of our forum/facebook babies. Each one takes a piece of our hearts with them and a huge chunk of their peoples hearts. :(

hugs,
Sharlene and molly muffin

[Little CoCo Puff]

My vet has been CoCo's vet for all her 13 years. We have a great relationship and I always trusted her knowledge and dedication. She phoned me this afternoon (on her day off) to find out how CoCo was and I told her what had taken place. She said "Janet, CoCo could not have had a better owner and what ever decision you make I am in your corner 100% as we have been down every avenue and the last 6 months have been extremely hard on you and CoCo". She said she was willing to administer the CCNU but knows it may or may not do anything to the pituitary tumor and it may take a toll on CoCo's bone marrow, liver and her appetite. By the time she had called I had made my mind up. With a very heavy heart I have decided to let Little CoCo Puff leave this life and me with dignity, comfort and peace. I have been crying all day because it is so very, very hard to let her go. I know deep in my heart that she has been a great dog and provided me with so much joy. I also know deep in my heart I owe it to CoCo to let her fly free without pain, without discomfort and without stress. I truly appreciate being able to express my deepest feelings here as I feel we all really understand the depths of love we feel for our dogs.

[goldengirl88]

God Bless You Both

[Little CoCo Puff]

Thank you goldengirl88 - it hurts so much!

[Harley PoMMom]

My heart and love go out to you during this difficult time, and remember we are always here for you.

Hugs, Lori

[Little CoCo Puff]

Lori and Harley, thank you so much for your kindness. Tomorrow is going to be the most difficult day of my life - I don't know how I will get through it but your support means the world.

[molly muffin]

Well I am just bawling for you and little coco. I know your vet is right. You have been a wonderful mom and coco has had an excellent life. None better. That is all she knows is love both given and received.
We will all be right here with you. I know this is going to be the hardest day ever. Sending you tons of love and support

Hugs
Sharlene and Molly muffin

[flynnandian]

3 months ago i had to make the same decision for my cush-dog.
i always use that list.
you have made the choice with coco's best interest at heart, and that is the only thing that counts.
you can do it because you love her.
and this k9 cushingsfamily is here to support you!

[Trixie]

Oh Janet, I'm so sorry for what you and Coco are going through. The situation is so difficult and so heartbreaking, I have a lump in my throat just thinking about how hard this is for you. Hope you're able to spend a peaceful night with Coco tonight and wishing you strength to get through tomorrow...will be thinking of you.

Barbara

[Little CoCo Puff]

Sharlene and Molly muffin, sorry to make you all cry but damn this is hard. Yes, I brought this wee ball of fluff home at 8 weeks old, 2 days before New Year's Eve, 13 years ago. She was not a show Pom but a pet quality Pom and I have loved her to death. At her peak she was spunky with a lot of Pom-itude and very, very affectionate and lovable. All of that changed in the last year and she could care less about anything or anybody. Thank you for your kind words. This is CoCo when I brought her home - she had what Pommie people call the Pommie uglies, lol.http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=866&pictureid=6556

[Trixie]

Love her photo...she's just adorable.

Barbara

[Little CoCo Puff]

Flynnandian, these little souls wrap their paws around your heart and that is what makes it so difficult. I thank you for the kind words.

[Little CoCo Puff]

Barbara and Trixie, yes, she was a cutie at 8 weeks. Once in awhile a dog enters our lives, our souls and our heart and stakes its place that no dog in the past or perhaps in the future will ever invade - this is our "heart" dog. Little CoCo Puff was my "heart" dog and I know tomorrow a piece of my heart will fly away with her and in return she will leave me a lifetime time of memories. Thank you for your understanding and thoughts.

[doxiesrock912]

No dog is ugly. Those breeders suck.
CoCo was so much better off with you than being in the show ring!

I have a friend who had show quality Pekingese. She finished two of them and became so disgusted by the experience and what she saw that she stopped going to shows altogether.

[Trish]

What gorgeous colouring, CoCo is a beauty :). My thoughts are with you and I am hoping you go not have to make that decision tomorrow but if you do we will all be walking alongside you x

[goldengirl88]

You and your precious CoCo are on my mind this morning. God bless you both.
Patti

[Little CoCo Puff]

Valeria & doxiesrock912, I got all my Poms from the same breeder throughout the years. She is a very reputable breeder that up until the point she retired from breeding and showing had spent 40 years with the Pom breed. Let's face it the AKC and CKC have their showing standards and some Poms make the cut and some don't - that's ok. CoCo's breeder would not just sell a dog to anyone - they had to make the cut. She really was always concerned about the health of the dogs and the breed in general. I got CoCo 13 years ago from her and we are still friends to this day. I do understand that the show business can be cut throat at times and it is not for me. CoCo is pet quality because she did not have the required CKC judging standards in her make-up. I am so glad she was not show quality or I never would have had such a wonderful dog for 13 years. I do know where you are coming from though.

[Little CoCo Puff]

Trish, thank you. All Pom puppies look about the same just different shades. They blow that puppy coat eventually and between 6 months to a year you will see what color they will take on. Even up to 2 years their face masks will change. Thank you for your thoughts, much appreciated.

[Little CoCo Puff]

Goldengirl88, CoCo and I spent the night on the sofa, cuddled together. She has not eaten a meal since Tuesday morning so I am resorting to anything she will eat. Last night she had ice cream and during the night I got up and gave her some peanut butter and honey on my finger because I know she must be hungry. This morning I said damn with what she is supposed to eat and gave her some grilled salmon. she had a wee bit but not much. She is not interested in eating at all. She has drank water though. Thank you for your thoughts of us this morning. I am going to have to muster up every ounce of strength to get through this day and even when I do...it is not over. It will never be over...I will always have CoCo in my heart - oh, here I go again, tears all over the place. I hope I have cried myself out before I have to drive into the city with CoCo.

[Squirt's Mom]

My heart is breaking for you, Janet. I know only too well how difficult today will be for you. But remember - you are giving your sweet Coco the greatest gift of all - freedom from a failing vessel. Someone once said that this act allows us to take their pain so they are free from it. And there is no greater love.

The angels here are fluttering around you all, tears softly falling as we Sing your baby Home.
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang


May I Go

Do you think the time is right?
May I say goodbye to pain filled days and endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best, an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond, and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first, I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now to a warm and living light.
I want to go, I really do; it's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and afraid, because I see your tears.
I'll not be far, I promise that, and hope you'll always know,
That my spirit will be close to you wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me. You know I love you too,
And that's why it's hard to say goodbye and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time and let me hear you say,
Because you care so much for me, you'll let me go today.

by Susan A. Jackson

[goldengirl88]

Janet:
Maybe you could try this. When any of my animals are sick and won't eat Imuse a big syringe I got at the vets, and I buy baby food meat. It is soft enough to go into the syringe easily, and I just squirt it in their mouths. It has saved them a number of times. I am praying for a miracle for CoCo.
Patti

[BostonLover]

I'm so sorry...I'm crying and my heart is breaking for you today. Just know you are doing the right thing, as hard as it is. I have been there. Sending you love and hugs and positive vibes to get you through this. :(

[Little CoCo Puff]

Squirt's mom, what beautiful words and of course buckets of tears...again. I wrote a poem last night as I watch Little CoCo Puff lay on her white fleece blanket, I will post it when the time is right. I remember many years ago after had to put my cat down talking to a vet. I said to him "you know this is so hard to do, I mean you think it wouldn't be, it's not like animals can really talk to you". He turned to me and said "that is precisely why it is so hard because they can't talk to you, you and your cat/dog have to communicate on a whole other level and the fact that they don't care what you did yesterday as they live for you today". I have always remembered this statement and some twenty years later those words still ring true.

[Little CoCo Puff]

Goldengirl88, that is an excellent idea - people with smaller dogs some where along the way will have to resort to those tactics. Maybe CoCo knows it is time and is just trying to tell me. The honey and peanut butter will raise her blood sugar and that is vital in very small dogs as they can go hypoglycemic very quickly.

[Little CoCo Puff]

Crystal, thanks for the thoughts. I took CoCo's fleece t-shirt off to brush her out (well what is left of her fur) one last time. I clipped some of her fur to keep and then I took photos of her paw pads. I am so glad a couple months ago I got her paw print impressions done on a ceramic tile. We will spend the rest of the day together, quiet and me reflecting on how much she added to my life. I don't know how anyone could find this daunting task easy to do. When my vet called last night she asked if I wanted to be present (they have to ask - protocol) I said of course. I know for some they can't do it but I figure I owe it to my CoCo. I was holding her when I brought her home at 8 weeks and I will hold her as she flies free. I love that I can say anything here and not be told "it's just a dog, get over it". So many times I have heard that said or written and those words just plain sting. Those that say that have NO idea the bond we share with our dog and I wouldn't even waste my breath trying to explain.

[Squirt's Mom]

Just a Dog

by Richard Biby, Tulsa, Oklahoma

From time to time, people tell me, “lighten up, it’s just a dog,”
or, “that’s a lot of money for just a dog.”

They don’t understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for “just a dog.”

Some of my proudest moments have come about with “just a dog.”

Many hours have passed and my only company was “just a dog,”
but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by “just a dog,”

and in those days of darkness,
the gentle touch of “just a dog” gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it’s “just a dog,” then you will probably understand phases like “just a friend,” “just a sunrise,” or “just a promise.”

“Just a dog” brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.

“Just a dog” brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person.

Because of “just a dog” I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.

So for me and folks like me, it’s not “just a dog” but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future,
the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

“Just a dog” brings out what’s good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it’s not “just a dog”
but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being “just a human.”

So the next time you hear the phrase “just a dog.” just smile, because they “just don’t understand.”

[Little CoCo Puff]

Oh, I should also say here that I have not posted about CoCo on the Cushing's Facebook page yet. It being a public group I do not want my postings coming up in the news feed. I know if my facebook friends dig into the Cushing's Facebook page they could link to this site but that probably won't happen. I just wanted a quiet day with CoCo and not have to answer a lot of questions or phone calls for that matter. It's a private decision, one that has been well thought out, discussed and emotional. I know that sounds selfish but I just want to do it this way. I will post later tonight and let the people know.

[Tina]

Janet,
My heart is breaking as I read your posts about your sweet CoCo. I completely understand all of your feelings, and how difficult this decision is. All of us here understand. I have been crying all morning, and want you to know that you and your sweet girl are in my thoughts and prayers today.

Big hugs,
Tina

[Little CoCo Puff]

OH MY GOD...Squirt's mom, that is the most touching incredible piece I have read in a long time - "just a dog". Since October 12 up until today, I have not slept a full night of sleep because of CoCo's medical issues. I had to put my gym membership on hold and do my workouts at home around CoCo's schedule. I have been sleeping in my bed for 2 hours a night with CoCo between me and my husband at pillow level, once she wants up and out I get up and move to the couch with my pillow. Taking her outside anywhere from 2 - 4 times a night, feeding her at the most funny hours and making sure my husband or I are home to take her out. That has been my life for almost 6 months. My vet asked me a month ago where I stood with CoCo and her life and I told her "in all honesty I can't not put CoCo to sleep just because I am not getting my sleep". "I can't and won't do it - I could not live with myself knowing how selfish that is". She said fine and that is when we kept trying different things. So that "just a dog" has spent thousands of my dollars over the years, made me unavailable to do things, taken up much of my time but you know I would not change a damn thing. That "just a dog" has given me more than I could ever give her in return.

[Little CoCo Puff]

Tina, thanks for the support - it has been an emotional rollercoaster and today certainly will not make things for a very, very long time any easier.

[spdd]

Thinking about you today, my heart goes out to you.

[molly muffin]

I'm here, checking in on your and Coco What a horrid day and yet what a beautiful one with spending some quiet time together.

I'll say that Coco was beautiful at 8 weeks and she is beautiful today. That little girl was destined to own your heart.

I am glad that the breeder you got her from is kind and caring about the animals first. So many aren't.

Yesterday I was checking out our local rescues and one of the dogs just in was a white pom, that was used for stud in California for many years and then when they didn't want him any more they took him to a shelter and dumped him. You just know that was a puppy mill, who else would do something like that. :( He is now here in Canada, waiting on his forever home. Same with a little lost pom (found on the streets) that is just so cute and no one has claimed him now for a month and he too is going to go up for adoption. I just don't understand people sometimes.

In our world, the world on here on the forum at least, our dogs are members of our family, they are our babies that we will take care of as long as they walk this earth and then they will live on till we leave this earth, snuggled securely in our hearts.

We'll be here, any time you want us. Of course, you can make your own announcement on Facebook, that is yours to do. I know people there are worried too, but we all understand not wanting to "share" necessarily everything. :)

hugs and love to you and Coco
Sharlene and molly muffin

[Harley PoMMom]

I'm here too, sending comforting and loving hugs.

[Trixie]

Thinking of you and Coco. Glad you had time with her last night and gave her special yummy treats to lick. As you pointed out your world has been revolving around Coco's for awhile now and you wouldn't have had it any other way...and neither would Coco, surely it was all meant to be. What a great life you gave her all these years and lots of love and she gave you all that love right back...pretty much a perfect pairing.

Barbara

[Iraklis]

I know of no words that can comfort this pain...
I just wish that your good memories of CoCo outweigh the sad ones...

[Little CoCo Puff]

She is gone...she now flies free. My Little CoCo Puff went peacefully to the bridge at 5:25 p.m today. It was a very, very difficult day and I am just a wreck. She was my constant companion for 13 years and now she is not here. Everywhere In the house I look I see her sweet face and raw emotion floods back. The staff at the clinic were all crying and my vet was very sad as she has been CoCo's vet for 13 years...there was not a dry eye in the place. They put CoCo on a sheepskin bed with a fleece blanket. I took her fleece t-shirt off and her skinny little body looked so small. The doctor came in and we talked for a bit and she talked to CoCo and stroked her head. She checked the hemorrhage behind the eye and said it looked larger. She then sedated CoCo and told be to take as much time as possible and she would be back. They closed the blinds in the room and dimmed the lights. I spent time with my little girl. They came back and took her to put a port in her arm to make it soothing when they gave her the barbiturate. A little while later the vet came in and asked if I was ready...are we ever? Yes, I said and she grabbed a whole bunch of tissues for herself because she said she would need them. She administered the drug and I kissed and told CoCoI loved her so very much...and she was gone.

[molly muffin]

My heart is broken for you and Coco. I am sure everyone was devastated as Coco really seem to grab everyone's hearts and not let go.
She isn't in pain any longer, she went knowing that she was the most loved doggie in the whole wide world and that her mom was right there with her.
My sincerest condolences.
Sharlene and molly muffin

[doxiesrock912]

I am so very sorry and am crying right along side you. CoCo's vet and staff sound wonderful. Rest peacefully sweet girl for you have many to meet who left before you.

[Harley PoMMom]

I am so terribly sorry for your loss of dear CoCo and my heart goes out to you at this most difficult time. Losing them is so very hard and I realize that there are no words to ease your pain, please just know we are here for you and do understand.

With Heartfelt Sympathy,
Lori

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh sweetheart, I am so so sorry for the pain you must now carry. Someone here once said something along the lines of "we take their pain so they no longer have to bear it." There is no greater love, no greater gift that to free their Spirit from their failing bodies.

Today your sweet little girl is as she was in her youth - strong and full of mischief, running in the Rainbow Fields with the wind blowing in her hair, grinning from ear to ear. She was met by all she knew and loved during this life as well as by many, many babies from here. CoCo will never be alone while she wait for you. And when that day comes that your job here is done, CoCo will be front and center to greet you as you Cross the Divide. She will fly into your arm and cover your face with kisses as you bury your face in her soft fur once again.

Please know we are here for you any time you wish to talk. We DO understand. I also want you to know that CoCo's name has been added to the In Loving Memory thread for 2014 where she will always be remembered and honored as a cherished member of our family here at K9C. When you are up to it, please feel free to start a memorial thread to CoCo in the In Loving Memory section. We would be more than pleased to help celebrate her life via your memories.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, Grace, Fox and all our Angels at the Bridge


Love’s Final Gift
By Cheryl Goede

I know it is hard on you, there are no words that can describe
the piercing sorrow which does not lessen with time.

When you had to bring me with you, on that last car ride to make,
all the while knowing the course of action you needed to take.

I know you feel guilty, I feel your sorrow, it’s true,
I could always sense your each and every mood.

When they called my name I knew that your heart was breaking,
you carried me to the room…getting closer to my new awakening.

The friendly doctor I know gave me treats and spoke low,
he was giving you the time that you needed to let me go.

All left the room, and you gathered me close,
as you wondered how you could do this for me when you needed me the most.

I tried to convey, my last wishes to you,
I looked into your eyes with all the love you are used to,

Mom and Dad, this earthly body has served me well,
but the time has come for us to part, to no longer dwell.

You understood the signal, and knew it was time for me to go,
but before I leave there is just one more thing you should know.

I will look out for you, each day I will guide,
my spirit in some way will always be nearby.

Before I make it to the Bridge to stay,
I will return the love tenfold in hopes for my debts to be paid.

For when that new pup or dog will enter your world,
a new love will blossom and slowly unfurl.

I hope you realize that new dog is Love’s Final Gift,
sent from me, your baby girl.

That new dog was chosen by me, to lessen your pain,
like the gentle warmth of the sunshine after the rain.

When you hear him bark, it’s my bark too,
when he cuddles you close, it’s what I would do.

So open your heart when the time comes to see,
that the love he gives comes also from me.

Take comfort, hug him, and reminisce
as he gives his love freely in the form of a dear doggy kiss.

It’s what I would do, if I still could,
and what you would want that is understood.

But the time has come to let me go,
to make that unselfish choice, even though tears will flow.

Hold me, cherish me, until my last breath,
but please don’t look at this as my death,

Someday we will be together again, come close for one last kiss,
I know this it true, as it is my soul’s last earthbound wish.

Now I can feel my spirit floating it is traveling high,
as though I were a cloud in the endless blue sky.

Please find peace, you have honored my life with this,
For I have been reborn through your Love’s Final Gift.

[BostonLover]

the tears are flowing here....I'm so sorry, and I remember that process when I put my sweet Tyson down on Christmas Eve 2012 all too well. My heart is with you. RIP sweet CoCo. <3

[Little CoCo Puff]

I am numb this morning! I want to say to each and everyone of you, thank you. Thank you for your words, care, support and friendship - it helped me yesterday, it will help me today and it will help me tomorrow. Today is no better then yesterday - I am lost...something is missing.

[goldengirl88]

I could barely sign on here today, anticipating seeing that you sweet baby is in heaven. God Bless You both I know what you have been thru and what you are going thru now. This was a very unselfish act, the kindest of all ,to free your baby from pain and take that pain yourself. Your courage is remarkable.
Patti

[LauraA]

Janet I have watched the video you posted of CoCo over and over and the tears have slowed freely. I am so sorry your precious girls had to start her journey to the rainbow bridge. You must be hurting so bad :( I believe that some fur babies and owners are destined to be together and this is certainly a perfect example of that. Your baby had such a good life with you and in time those memories will push away some of the hurt. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Little CoCo Puff]

As I was sitting on the sofa with CoCo yesterday afternoon - I kept thinking to myself, I don't want her to leave and what could I do to at least have a memory of our last time together. I never been a big cell phone user, in fact my phone is really new and then I remembered it had video. I thought I would tell CoCo how I felt about her and how I felt at the time. I had no intention to post it. When I came home from the clinic and had some time to decompress I went to the computer. I sat for the longest time trying to think of what to write. I started typing and then would delete it. The video said it all. It was an unscripted moment and one from the heart - how could I type up anything better. At the same time I did not want to offend anyone or make them feel sorry for me - I just wanted to share a precious dog-owner moment. I am so glad the people that posted comments about it took it for what it was - real emotion at a time of sadness.

[Renee]

I saw this on our FB page too, but I wanted to check in on your thread and express my condolences once again. It seems too many losses lately.

Rest in peace sweet Coco.

[Spencersmom]

Oh Janet.....I just found your post and read your whole thread. I'm sitting at my desk at work crying over your loss!! My heart hurts so for you right now!!!

I know what you are going through, having lost my little Lexi the end of January and now facing terrible issues with Spencer. He is also having seizures and his Dr suspects tumor is the culprit.

Please accept my deepest and sincerest condolences and know that you are not alone.

CoCo was blessed to have you in her life!

[pansywags]

I am so sorry to hear about your sweet CoCo. I lost Pansy late last night. Perhaps the two of them have made friends by now.

Wishing peace to you and everyone who cared for CoCo.

[Trish]

Janet - so sorry to read about the passing of your precious girl. She was such a pretty wee girl. My condolences to you and all that loved her. Big Hugs x

[Little CoCo Puff]

Trish, I am a really new member here but this has got to be the best place to be - the support is awesome.

[Trish]

It is awesome, there are always people here with a kind word so please you feel welcome to stick around as you are part of the family now! :) x

[Little CoCo Puff]

Terry and Spencer, I have been keeping up to date with your issues and am here if you need an ear. The last 6 months have been incredibly difficult as I worried and fussed over CoCo. Seems every time we were perhaps going to make some progress something else reared its ugly head. Her little body just could no longer take anymore things happening to it. I pray Spencer finds the health and responds to treatment.

[Spiceysmum]

So sorry to hear that Coco has passed away. My thoughts are with you.
Linda

[LauraA]

Pansywags I am so sorry you lost your fur baby last night :( May Pansy now watch over you from the rainbow bridge where she will be greeted with open paws from our fur babies that have already journeyed there.

[goldengirl88]

Thinking of you and sweet CoCo in heaven. Blessings
Parri

[Little CoCo Puff]

This morning as I sit here my head is pounding and I feel exhausted...still. I did actually stay in my bed the whole night last night...something I have not done in 6 months. The house feels strange with out my CoCo's feet clicking on the hardwood floor or her little sneezes or the fact that she had no teeth left so when she drank water there would be little water droplets all over the floor. I miss her so much.

[Little CoCo Puff]

Life is easier without Little CoCo Puff! No more sleeping of the sofa, no more getting up 2, 3, 4 times a night, no more night feedings, no more giving medications, no more cleaning her skin infections, no more putting salve on her drying out black nose, no more warming her food up, no more chopping her food so this toothless wonder can eat, no more washing her little diaper, no more vet trips, no more money spent. Yep, life is so much easier without CoCo but life IS NOT BETTER without CoCo. I would gladly do all of the above and more just to have her back in my life. She was my "special needs" dog and right now something is missing. Yes, all her problems and all my time spent caring for her ate up many hours in my day but I can say this with all honesty, I didn't mind one bit. Last Thursday, the day CoCo went to the bridge CoCo's vet was in the room stroking CoCo and talking to me. She said to me "Janet, I remember something you told me about a month ago when I asked you where do you stand with CoCo right now? You looked at me and said "well I have thought about it a lot and I can't put CoCo to sleep because I am not sleeping, I just can't do it". The vet went on to tell me that she has thought about that statement so many times and even mentioned it to the odd client that is struggling with their own commitment. I said to my vet at that point that I took an oath to care for CoCo for life, for her life or my life and I take that oath very seriously - it is not a fickle statement, it is fact.

[Iraklis]

^
I feel you...
You are wonderful!!!
you have just put into words my biggest guilt...

I think ,in Huskos' last day or few days.......my mind went ''i just want all this to end...''...and he realised it and let go......

But now...even though life is easier and I can lay back,sleep,go out,meet people,not worry about every single little cent i spend etc...
...Life seems completely pointless and empty right now...
And i would trade it all back for Husko to be alive and wake up 2-5 times a night & walk him whatever the hour or weather, washing pee off the floor ,boiling the water he drinks, making spinach/broccoli juice trying to be quiet while he sleeps ,researching what medication there is ,begging people for transport ,working worrying how he is doing the hours i am away ,cleaning his left leg open wound ,holding him while he poops so he doesn't fall ,trying to figure out doses of supplements ,counting and second guessing every single euro spent so i could buy his food,supplements and do blood-tests (last was November...should have given much more priority to this...was about to have one but didn't make it...), trying to find sardines when stores were out of ,petting him ,calling his name and wonder if he knows me still...

I sure wish I could have made better choices through all this...I wish I was calmer...I wish I could have better support...I wish I would have signed up here earlier...I wish I had never gone to the vets last summer...

I only want my baby back alive and well...

[Little CoCo Puff]

Iraklis, right...I forgot about the hours and hours spent on the internet researching and reading countless posts. You are right...we do it all and don't think about it...it is the right thing to do. I just gathered up all of CoCo's meds and I broke down...so many pills, liquids, powders, foods...for such a tiny little gal. I don't think most people understand...even my husband. He is out of the house most of the day and I was home with CoCo...I am sure even though he feels bad he probably does not understand my mood and my empty feeling.

[pansywags]

We are going through this together, as CoCo Puff and Pansy left us the same day. I took a different oath. The day I brought Pansy home, she was a skinny scared new mom. I promised her that day that I would not let her live a compromised life, and that if the time came that I knew I could no longer help her, I would make the hard decision to let her rest.

[Little CoCo Puff]

Pansy and CoCo may have had a different oath but now they are joined on the same path at the bridge. It is the struggle that I think makes us question ourselves...we know what is best but I always felt that because these canines can't vocalize their true feelings...it becomes "our" decision...I hate that. I know in the depths of our hearts we have done the right thing but damn it is hard. Pansy is a gorgeous gal and very lucky to have you.

[Spencersmom]

Janet....I so understand and can relate so completely! The last week in January, our Lexi threw up and we took her to her vet, they drew blood and the tests came back with really high liver readings. She had done this before, so I just thought...ok....a few days in the hospital on IV's and meds and she will be fine! She seemed to improve after 4 days and came home. That was sunday night and she was so glad to be home, sleeping in bed next to her momma! Monday morning, she was her normal self.....but that evening she wasn't doing so well. We had a follow up appt on tues anyway, so when I took her in, they kept her to run tests. Two hours later I received the call that her liver enzymes were out the roof! She was not going to survive! My hubs & I went to spend time with her....I noticed she was turning yellow, it was obvious then that she was only going to suffer if we allowed. We loved her, kissed her...she kissed me over and over.....and then we let her spirit go.

Saying goodbye is so hard! Living without them leaves such an emptiness in your heart that nothing can fill! I understand your loss!

[doxiesrock912]

It is so hard and we love each of them for their unique personalities that have touched our lives.

Even though they can't talk, we know them very well and can tell when their quality of life is not good anymore. I also believe that if we pay attention, we have an instinct that tells us when the time to let them go is here.

I like to think that their legacies are that when the time is right, we help another in need of a loving home.

Hugs.

[goldengirl88]

Janet:
I am hoping that you are getting along ok. I know my own you must be feeling, and my thoughts are with you. Blessings
Patti

[Little CoCo Puff]

There is an emptiness in the house that seems so strange. The last night CoCo and I shared together on the sofa I was looking at her sleeping on "our" white fleece blanket and these words just came. I wrote this poem with photo.http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=866&pictureid=6570

[molly muffin]

Thinking of you and little coco today.

hugs
sharlene and molly muffin

[Little CoCo Puff]

Thank you to everyone for checking in on me. Not doing so good today but hanging in.

[scoora]

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your sweet girl CoCo Puff.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Spencersmom]

Thinking of you and hope your tomorrow is better!

[Tina]

Janet, I am so sorry to read about CoCo. You and your sweet baby are in my thoughts and prayers.

Big hugs,
Tina

[pansywags]

Janet, I hope today is a better day for you.

[goldengirl88]

Thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok. Blessings
Patti

[Little CoCo Puff]

Life goes on they say...that is true in the sense of the word but it sure is empty. I guess the one thing that comes to mind is that there will never, ever be another Little CoCo Puff - there can't be, as we all know. I am sure I could ask each one of you if you ever had that "special" dog in your life? You may say it is the one you have now or you may it was a different dog in a different time - and that's ok. For me it was CoCo - she was so even tempered...nothing really ever rattled her. She was a real ham and could make you laugh with her antics. This hairless wonder with a penchant for clothes - in fact I think she seriously liked being hairless because that meant another t-shirt, jacket or sweater. Dear sweet CoCo, your mom misses you terribly.

[molly muffin]

Life may go on, but it won't ever be exactly the same. That is a fact. It will be good and it will be bad, but not the same.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

I am so sorry for your loss. She was so beautiful. And yes I know only to well. My one and only was Apollo, died Sept 9,2012. She will always be in your heart and soul.
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Little CoCo Puff]

The vet clinic called today...Little CoCo Puff's ashes are ready for pickup...

[molly muffin]

Sending you big hugs! I know this is hard.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[Spencersmom]

Thinking of you today as you bring sweet little CoCo home to stay!

[goldengirl88]

This will be a very hard day indeed. Know I am thinking of you. Blessings
Patti

[Little CoCo Puff]

I want to thank all of you for your support through this incredibly difficult time. I just can't believe that one moment I had CoCo in my arms and the next...poof...she is gone. It has been a rollercoaster of emotion...one that I don't want to be on anytime soon. Thank you for your comforting words as it is the days after that are the hardest.

[molly muffin]

We are always here to give you support, any time. We have all been there at some point and will likely be there again in the future.
Just take it one day at a time, or even hour by hour, whatever works for you.

love and hugs,
Sharlene and molly muffin

[goldengirl88]

I am of the thought that you need to do whatever you feel at the time and not worry about what others do or say . If you need to cry, do it. Just do whatever helps you through this. Too many people think you should not be grieving and depressed over a dog. If they really only knew how wrong they were. There is no wrong or right way, and no time limit. Everyone is different, just know we care and do know how you feel. Blessings
Patti