10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings - Ginger has passed

[Harley PoMMom]

Dear Colleen,

I just wanted to tell you that Ginger's memorial photo link is all finished now. Both of those are wonderful images of your precious girl. Know that we are thinking of you, and holding Ginger safely in all our hearts. Here is link to her pictures: https://www.k9cushings.com/forum/album.php?albumid=1293&attachmentid=8650

Hugs, Lori

[gingerbread]

Thank you so very much!

[Harley PoMMom]

You're quite welcome! (((HUGS))) ♥♥♥

[gingerbread]

How can an 18 pound, 13" 4 legged steal 100% of my heart!!

[labblab]

For me, I think it’s because the devotion of my pups is so pure and so unconditional. Every human relationship in my life — no matter how loving — has always been complicated. My relationship with my furbabies has always been so simple. It is pure love. They are the ones who have been beside me, always. For all the good times, and for all the bad. They are the ones who have comforted me in my grief in losing human family members. They are the ones who give me pure joy during good times and pure comfort during the hard times. When I lost my Cushpup, Barkis, I grieved harder for him than for any other person or thing in my life. There was no solace to be found because *he* was no longer here to help me as he had so many times during our lives together. I felt so alone, and so unbearably sad.

Colleen, I’m so deeply sorry for your loss of sweet Ginger. I am guessing there are no words that can help ease your pain right now. But please know that your family here is standing alongside you. We’ll do our very best to hold you up with our warmest wishes sent to you from across the miles. We truly understand how much Ginger has meant to you, and how much her life and spirit will always matter. We will always join you in honoring her, and she will remain in our loving memory forever.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs -~
Marianne

[gingerbread]

Yes! You are correct! Unconditional love! 100%
That is the same with Ginger. She has been with us through all the good times and bad. She was right there for me when my dad passed away in July 2016. She laid on my bed with me while I cried my eyes out. We got her when she was 5 months old from our Amish friends in Jamesport, MO. She has only known us as mom and dad. She stayed a baby her whole life.. never got independent. I was not able to have children so Ginger was the closest thing to it for me. Someone that needed me, relied on me, some one who could fix everything that was wrong. Fed her, bathed her, held her, gave her her medication, cleaned her ears, did her nails. Some she didn't like, but afterwards felt better. The last almost 7 years she was with one of us, if not both. She went where we went. If she couldn't, then either we didn't, or just one of us would go. She slept with me every night her entire life.
Stealing covers or my warm spot.
She was a brave little girl, yet so dependent. She was smart, funny, happy..
She is in everything and will remain so.

[Squirt's Mom]

I'm not quite sure how they steal every bit of your heart but they do. And what's even more amazing is that once they steal it all the heart becomes even bigger. It's a paradox, it's magic. There were other dogs before Squirt and I loved each of them fully and still miss them as well. But Squirt was my heart-n-soul dog, the first one and the strongest one, and I didn't know if I could survive losing her much less love another completely. But I have. Both survived and found my heart had grown enough that others made a space of their own there. Some also became heart-n-soul dogs leaving behind their own empty space while enlarging my heart. I don't know how they do it. Squirt was the one who taught me how to truly love, to give myself completely. I think a large part of it is what Marianne said - the relationships were so simple and uncomplicated. Just an exchange of trust and love, unconditional, uncomplicated. For so long I couldn't imagine a world without Squirt, it just wasn't a thought that ever entered my mind until her latter years and then when it would come, that thought was unfathomable. Some part of me really believed she would live as long as I did I think. A part of me just couldn't accept anything else. But we do survive. Broken, yes but like those Japanese vessels repaired with gold stronger for it. Maybe that's what makes the stolen heart larger.

[labblab]

What a precious, lucky little girl Ginger was to have lived and loved in your care! And I think that when our babies have suffered from health problems that require so much of our attention, the absence of all our routines when they leave us feels like a giant, silent black hole. No need to check the clock for medication dosing, no need to prepare the special meals, no need to monitor ears and eyes and legs and hips, and yes — even poop. I am very, very ashamed to admit that there were a few moments when the healthcare felt like a burden to me during the times when I was especially tired or worried. But mostly it felt like an awesome responsibility. And the day it ended, I was cast adrift and wished to have every single moment back again, no matter how tiring. I never dreamed how empty my day would feel when all those routines ended. And I would have given anything to have them back along with my baby.

What Leslie has written feels so wise and so true, though. My Barkis was my first baby (I have no human children, either). I didn’t know my heart could hurt so much when he died. But as broken as I felt when he left, my Peg and my Luna who came afterwards have filled my heart with such love, as well. Each has been such a gift. And that, I guess, is why it is so devastating whenever the time comes to bid them farewell from this world that we inhabit now. My dearest hope is that when the time comes, we shall truly be reunited once again and forever.

Marianne

[jenner1026]

So sorry for your loss. I was following your thread when I found this forum to learn about Ginger's journey with Cushings but also because I had beagles in my family my entire life until Jet (my current dog). We love beagles! I know there is nothing any of us can say to make you feel better, but I do send positive thoughts and wishes you can find some peace.
Hugs,
Jennifer

[gingerbread]

Thank you all.. I appreciate all of the support and hugs and good wishes. Yesterday we got to bring our little girl back home. It was so very hard, yet peaceful knowing she is back here. I did cry today. I came close, the loneliness some5is overwhelming.. doing our best to focus on the the positives and joy she brought every day.

[Squirt's Mom]

When they come back home it's a bittersweet feeling for sure. I have a small, blue and gold wood and glass case that was my mom's that has become the shrine for my babies. Squirt was the first and it holds her ashes, harness, bling collar, the recipe for her home cooked diet, and all the cards friends sent. As time has passed other babies have joined her there. So many times I walk up to that case and simply touching it helps bring them closer again. You, too, will find ways that help you thru those tough days, that help bring the best memories forward, that help slow the flow of tears. Just remember, thru it all you precious Ginger is watching over you so tenderly.

Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

3 weeks today, and it hurts just as much! I just want to hold my little girl, tell her I love her, kiss her sweet face.
I know she knows I love her. I know she is freer than she has ever been. The emptiness is so hard. The longing for that unconditional love is overwhelming. I am grateful for the 16 years she so freely gave that. I still feel in my heart her giving it.. yet, I want to feel it with my hands. To touch it, to hold it.. to hold her...

[Joan2517]

I know what you're feeling.

Sometimes I close my eyes while I'm petting Sibbie and pretend she's Lena...I miss the sound of her snoring; the cute sound she would make when she wanted something, or just my attention; the way she would slide when walking after Cushing's weakened her legs; her terrible breath; and the way she always watched me. I remembered the other day when I had to take a trip that she couldn't come on and she climbed into my suitcase so I wouldn't go without her. I miss every little thing...still.

[gingerbread]

Yes!!! All of those things. I have a picture of Ginger sitting in my suitcase years ago! One of my favorite photos. I wish I had a way to share it with you.

[Joan2517]

There is a way to upload pictures. Marianne or Lori could tell you how. I would love to see it! I don't think I took a picture of Lee in the suitcase...I wish I had. When she was little there weren't cell phones, just film. I haven't found all of the pictures, or they didn't develop properly, and all the digital ones in her later years are now in three different computers and phone.

[gingerbread]

Thank you, I will surely try.

[gingerbread]

If you go to my photos, albums, there actually is the picture I qaa taking about! Let me know if you find it!

[Joan2517]

I found it, adorable! They are all beautiful pictures of a much loved girl.

[labblab]

Awwwwwwwwwww, all your pics of Ginger are so very sweet, Colleen! What a wonderful life you all shared together — no wonder you miss her so dearly and so deeply.

Marianne

[gingerbread]

Thank you both! She was my heart! So innocent, so sweet, so loving. I think because it happened so fast it makes is so hard to accept. She was fine the end of January when we took her for her yearly check up and shots. As fine as a dog her age with Addison's can be.
Then she started having issues emptying her bladder. Took a urine sample in, said slight infection. Got 14 days of antibiotics. Seemed to help just a little. Went another round of antibiotics.. not much change. Tried prescription dog food to break down crystals, she ate it the first couple days, then would not eat it at all.
She wasn't eating much anyways. She went from 30 pounds the end of January to 18 pounds by beginning of March. She would go out every couple hours to go potty and very little would come out. She would walk back and forth, back and forth going a little here and there. We took turns every other night so we could get some sleep.
Once in a while she would have a real good stream. I kept trying to sneak her prescription food in with other foods, but she smelled it I guess and wouldn't eat it. I would have 3 or 4 choices of foods I cooked just to get her to eat something. She would pick some things out, then get a drink and be done. She was drinking ok. Wanted to walk. The other thing we noticed was when it was sunny out, and especially if we had snow and sun she started getting spooked outside. Every once in a while while walking she would stop, cower back and snap at the air like something was close to her trying to get her. I thought maybe she had floaters like we get sometimes. She got where she wanted to go out, but was afraid to. It was sad because if she went out she would stand in porch and look at the field like," why can't I go down there? What is there that kerps trying to get me?" We always asked her if she wanted to go, told her mom and dad were right here. Sometimes she would go a lottle ways, other times she tucked her tsil and wanted back in. We always let her choose. We noticed to her back legs were getting weaker, not uncommon with Addison's, but she sometimes stumbled. We thought perhaps between her weakness and eyesight she was having a little trouble, but nothing serious. Once the sun went down she went out fine and wanted to walk so we let her go where she wanted. She seemed to enjoy it and do ok. She was still having bladder issues some, but she didn't seem to be in any pain, and she was fine in between times as far as we could tell. She always snuggled up in my bed at bedtime, waited for her night time treat and almost always ate it. She would get down get a drink and come snuggle under my blanket. But she was up and down all night needing out to potty. That Sunday morning, March 7th, she had like a seizure on our front porch about 7 a.m. it lasted almost 2 hours. She lost her urine, was kind of drooling at the mouth and breathing hard, her eyes fixed open. We got towels and her bkanket to keep her warm and we were crying telling her it was ok. We were there. Praying God let her go. Don't let her suffer.
Once she came out of it, I picked her up and carried her inside and put her in her bed. We laid beside her. She kept trying to get up, but was weak. She finally did get up and go get a drink. Looked at her food bowl.
I thought, maybe she was ok. So i fixed her some meatloaf that she loves, she ate a few bites and wanted out.
She was kind of whining a little. So we took her outside. She stood on the porch and walked a little but she ran into one of the posts. I helped her into the grass, told her mom's right here, and she got between my legs and kind of stayed. If I walked a little she whined a little, just a soft whine. When we headed back up to the porch, she stumbled more and ran into the planter. We then realized the seizure must have taken most, if not all of her sight.
We were so heartbroken for her, so sad, but also fearful of her having another worse seizure. We couldn't let her go through another. So we made the hardest decision of our lives.

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, Colleen, I sit here with tears streaming down my face. Thru your words I can feel what you did that day because I felt the same the day I realized Squirt had taken all she could, that it was time to let my Sweet Bebe be free. You know it's the right thing, you know this in a place so deep inside that you've never even been aware that place existed until the moment when that realization hits. And oh how it hurts. So badly that you think, "ok...this is the worst", but it's not. The worst is when you have to face that first minute, first second, without that precious presence in your world. And then it hurts so bad you're lost completely, you don't know what to do or if you can do. Times passes somehow but the pain doesn't stop; the agony grows beyond your wildest imaginings. Then one day a thought crosses your mind about your sweet baby and a smile tugs at the corners of your mouth and suddenly you realize that memory brought a sense of pleasure instead of immediate pain and more tears. In the times after, you find you are able to smile a bit more often at the memories you hold so close and then one night you close your eyes to sleep and it hits you - you didn't cry or scream all day. So you cry because you didn't. But those tears are different, in a way they are healing because you now know you will go on, you will survive. Oh, the pain isn't gone, it may never be gone, but you now know it's not going to take you with it. That day will come, I promise. You may still sob 7 years later but that day is in your future. Until then, grieve as you need, cry as you need, scream as you need. Just know you will heal enough to smile again.

Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

Thank you for your words... I know it will come..

[gingerbread]

So many doubts, regrets..
Did I miss something? Did I do all I could?
All these years I could help her, take care of her, fix things..
...but not this last one... ����������

[Joan2517]

Same here...five years later. I still wonder, go over it all, wish I had known more. I loved Lee more than anything, and I wasn't with her when she died...that still kills me. I don't think any answers will change the way I feel. I did everything I could with what I knew then...that's all we can do. They know how much we love them.

[gingerbread]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know folks on her really understand the loss, grief, sadness. That helps so much to connect with others who get it.
Yes, they know how much we love them, that is a comfort.
I think no matter what the circumstances, we will always wonder, regret... I think that is just human nature.
Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks.. I am still in denial at times.
The missing them is probably the hardest. Just wanting to hold them, kiss them, pet them, stroke their ears. Tell them mom loves you so much. Tell them what a good girl you are... to feel her snuggle against me at night..
It is just an echoing emptiness.

[Squirt's Mom]

Last week I was driving down the road on my way to the grocery store when a little yellow dog with wild hair ran across the road up ahead of me. In a matter of a millisecond I thought "Squirt!", "What is she doing out here?", "How did she get out?!" "Did I leave the door open and the gate open?!" "She looks so dirty!" "How long has she been running around?" "She's gone......she's gone.....she's gone...." and I had to pull over in a parking lot to sob for a while. My heart so wanted to believe it was her that I ran thru all those thoughts before it hit me that she's gone. And she's been gone almost 7 years. I also "saw" my adult daughter last week and those same sort of thoughts ran thru my mind before realizing once again that she's also gone and has been since 2006. Some things are just too dear to let go and too painful to hold onto. I will never let go of them and it's too painful to accept that they are gone.

But I know those "sightings" wouldn't impact me as they did if the love I hold wasn't a strong as it is, as it always will be. I also know that I will see my girls again one day and that until I can they are together as they once were, taking care of each other, enjoying each other again. If I couldn't believe these things I don't think I could face one more minute, not one.

Your sweet Ginger is there watching you and loving you just as my girls are watching and loving me. So for now we have to carry on in spite of the pain we carry. But we do so knowing this is not forever, knowing we will be with them again one day.

Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

I so agree. I have to hold on to that hope of a warm reunion or I could not go on either. I have yet to make it through a day without crying.

[gingerbread]

You went through so much in your little life baby. You battled first Cushing's disease, then Addison's disease, slowly loosing your eyesight, over all weakness in your back legs from the Addison's. Changing medication, diets... you were so strong, so brave, so trusting... You fought so hard and momma's so proud to have shared your life... You taught me so much...miss you always. ❤❤����������

[labblab]

Isn’t it amazing and so humbling to witness the bravery of our furbabies in the face of their illnesses? Ginger was such a good, brave girl. And I have been moved to tears by the bravery of my dogs, too, as they have soldiered on through illness and pain. Unlike us humans, no complaints and no asking for pity. Until the moment they leave us, they confront each day on its own terms — doing their best and trying their hardest. What a lesson for us two-leggeds, if only we could embrace it for ourselves.

My sweet Lab Luna is now nearly 13, with stiff and undoubtedly painful legs. We lovingly call her the “wide-tracker” now because of her waddling gait on our short daily walks. We know her legs and hips have to be hurting her, but she still jumps for joy *every* morning in anticipation of our leisurely jaunts up-and-down our street. She pretty much collapses for the day after we return. But by the next morning, she can hardly wait to head out again. There’s nothing that pleases us more than seeing her paddling and pumping her legs while she’s sacked out on the couch — surely, in her dreams, once again she’s running as fast as the wind. And when the day comes that she leaves us, that’s the only thing that can bring us any comfort at all. The hope and belief that her spirit will be totally whole and healthy and pain-free once again and forever. That is my hope for my doggies and for Ginger, as well. They are such brave souls, and always will be. No complaints, only love. Our precious angels.

Marianne

[gingerbread]

That is my hope and and belief as well. Ginger taught us so very much about love, patience, not judging..
The very heart of her is much better, much bigger than anyone I ever knew.

[gingerbread]

Why do we have to learn things after the fact? Why couldn't I have been more patient? We don't get a practice pet to learn on... but oh how i wish we did.. coulda, woulda, shoulda haunts me.. is this normal? I lost my patience with my baby a few times, not many, maybe 3 or 4.. why do those stand out like a sore thumb? Why didn't I know better? She couldn't help it... I am so, so sorry!

[Joan2517]

Cushing's guilt...we would get mad at Lena because she would go to the stairs and complain that she couldn't get up...now we know why. I'd get mad at her when she wanted to get up in the middle of the night and go out...now I know why. I'd get upset when she started peeing on the floor when she had never done that...now I know why. I would get hurt when she wouldn't want to sit on my lap or let me cuddle with her...now I know why.

Once I knew why, we always helped her up and down without complaining; I would sit on the deck steps in the middle of the night no matter rain, snow or freezing cold, watching as she made her way around the garden to pee; wee wee pads were the solution to the accidents in the house; I would be ecstatic and enjoy the times she let me cuddle her, and I would put my hand on her under the covers while she slept so she didn't know I was touching her.

I still feel guilty a lot. I should've known something was wrong. I loved her more than anything, how could I not know she was sick?? I have to believe she knew I loved her with all my heart and that if I had known, I would've been more patient. She was my baby and I know she loved me enough to forgive me, if she even noticed.

My big boy Gable has Cushing's now and I try so hard not to get mad at the food obsession, which is driving me crazy; the panting; the looong drinks of water. Thank God he doesn't pee in the house. Only once or twice and it wasn't his fault. I like to think that Lee is guiding me this time around with him and she knows that if I had known as much as I have learned in these last five years, things would have been different with her.

I understand how you feel....

[labblab]

Joan, thank you from the bottom of my own heart for your reply to Colleen. After all these years, I still carry guilt for times when I was impatient with my Barkis, too, even after I *knew* he was sick. Looking back, partly it was because I was just stretched so thin and wasn’t coping very well (my mom had a heart attack at the same time). I think partly it was also because I was actually feeling impatient with myself — I was flailing and couldn’t figure out a way to make him better. I so desperately wanted him to get better and I just wanted him to stop being sick :-((((. Makes no sense, does it. But nothing made sense back then. It just hurt, and those memories still do.

But thankfully there are kinder, happier memories now, as well. And what you’ve written is a great comfort to me, Joan. Surely all the love Barkis and I shared outweighed the bad moments, and always will. He’ll be my bestest boy, forever. I pray he thought I was his bestest mom, too, even with all my flaws. I did love him so, and that will be true forever.

[Joan2517]

I'm sure he knew, Marianne...I don't think they hold grudges. And I can't imagine better moms than those that are on this forum.

[gingerbread]

Thank you both for the reply! We were worn out completely. Ginger was in and out almost every 1-2 hours all day and through the night. We took turns each night, but neither of us were really getting any rest. We were physically, mentally and emotionally drained. We couldn't think straight. We never spoke harsh to her towards the end, even though we didn't know the end was so near. We rarely spoke harsh to her her entire life. There were moments we got frustrated and told her to hurry up and go potty, or told her no when she went to the door. But we would be out with her, come in and sit down and she would be right back at the door. A few times in the last couple years I lost my temper. Once, I was frustrated with other things going on and then I couldn't get her to take her pills that evening and spoke harshly to her. Another time was when she got up in my bed and was trying to scratch all the blankets up and almost fell out of the bed. I told her very firmly to get down, go on.. you're going to get hurt. I look back and can see now that I think I scared her. She didn't know where to go at the moment. After a few minutes, I went over and told her mom loves you. I was just afraid you were going to get hurt. Told her I was sorry.
But I felt like such a heel. I also got angry one night when we had about 6 inches of snow on the ground and the wind chill was below zero. She was walking all over trying to urinate and falling through the crusted snow. After about 15 minutes and freezing at 2 a.m. I just said come on Ginger.. time to go house. Come on, now! You don't need to walk 50 miles just to go potty!
I think mentally I was so spent, I never thought just how hard it was on her, if it was this hard on us! I didn't even think that maybe she was sicker than I thought. Maybe I didn't want to think that. I don't know.. I knew she wasn't eating much. I cooked and tried everything thinking maybe she wanted something different. I knew she needed to eat so her pills didn't upset her stomach. I always, always told her what a good girl she was and how much I loved her, but now I feel like such a failure. I pray she knew I loved her, I pray she didn't remember the times, I got short with her. I know their love is unconditional. I think that is what makes it hurt so..

[gingerbread]

Why can't I get past the "why didn't I"?
Seems it's always new to add regrets!

[labblab]

For me, I think it was partly because I so desperately wanted to change the outcome, at least in my head even though it was impossible in reality. “If only I’d done this (or that), maybe he’d still be with me now…”

As time went on and the reality of my life without him dawned daily, my mind slowly shifted to more simple and pure memories of our lives together. I’d take his collar along with me to the lake for a morning walk; I kept his bath towels neatly folded in the closet; I’d think about him stretched out alongside the bed at night. None of this stopped my tears. They continued to flow, daily. But over time, I did let loose of so many painful regrets. Not all of them, by any means. But their power over me finally started to fade.

This is a poem that has comforted me ever since the day we had to release Barkis’ spirit. He has never failed to return to my mind’s eye and to my heart whenever I have called him. And when he does, there’s no room for regrets. Only love and sweet memories. I believe this morning will be a perfect time for me to call him to join Luna and me on our morning stroll. So off we go, together once again…


We have a secret, you and I
that no one else shall know,
for who but I can see you lie
each night in fire glow?
And who but I can reach my hand
before we go to bed
and feel the living warmth of you
and touch your silken head?
And only I walk woodland paths
and see ahead of me,
your small form racing with the wind
so young again, and free.
And only I can see you swim
in every brook I pass
and when I call, no one but I
can see the bending grass.

Author Unknown

[Joan2517]

That's so pretty, Marianne...I close my eyes and remember what it felt like to kiss her cheek, her belly and the underside of her ears; how she used to sigh contentedly when I held her against my heart; the way she would always have her eyes on me no matter where I was, or what I was doing. Those memories comfort me.

[gingerbread]

For me, I think it was partly because I so desperately wanted to change the outcome, at least in my head even though it was impossible in reality. “If only I’d done this (or that), maybe he’d still be with me now…”

As time went on and the reality of my life without him dawned daily, my mind slowly shifted to more simple and pure memories of our lives together. I’d take his collar along with me to the lake for a morning walk; I kept his bath towels neatly folded in the closet; I’d think about him stretched out alongside the bed at night. None of this stopped my tears. They continued to flow, daily. But over time, I did let loose of so many painful regrets. Not all of them, by any means. But their power over me finally started to fade.

This is a poem that has comforted me ever since the day we had to release Barkis’ spirit. He has never failed to return to my mind’s eye and to my heart whenever I have called him. And when he does, there’s no room for regrets. Only love and sweet memories. I believe this morning will be a perfect time for me to call him to join Luna and me on our morning stroll. So off we go, together once again…


We have a secret, you and I
that no one else shall know,
for who but I can see you lie
each night in fire glow?
And who but I can reach my hand
before we go to bed
and feel the living warmth of you
and touch your silken head?
And only I walk woodland paths
and see ahead of me,
your small form racing with the wind
so young again, and free.
And only I can see you swim
in every brook I pass
and when I call, no one but I
can see the bending grass.

Author Unknown

This is so special.. so touching. Thank you for your words and sharing this beautiful poem.
Last night and today, for whatever reason is extremely hard missing my Ginger.
Big hugs to all.

[Harley PoMMom]

My boy, Harley, has been gone for 10 years now and for me those "what if's and should of" do come back to haunt me every now and then but not often. Those regrets have now been replaced with very fond and happy memories of my precious boy. My Harley was such a frisbee nut, he just loved catching those discs and I loved throwing them for him! He used to "smile" at everyone, I just loved that smile of his, he would wrinkle up his nose and his teeth were exposed, people thought he was going to bite them but that wasn't so, he just loved everybody!

Give yourself time to grieve, my friend, and do not ever be ashamed of that grief, we do understand how you feel and will always be here for you. Sending tons of loving hugs ♥♥

Lori

[gingerbread]

Lori, thank you... we keep thinking it should be better by now, hurt less, less tears. I know it hasn't even been 2 months, but some days the hurt feels like yesterday, yet so long since we have seen her, touched her, stroked her.
We both have had days of no tears, but very few. I know there we be more and more of those days... eventually. Very thankful for all of your support, love and experiences you all are so willing to share.

[gingerbread]

You were my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye! Missing my little girl so, so much!

[labblab]

Colleen, my heart goes out to you as this Mother’s Day weekend dawns. I know you’d give anything to have your furbaby in your arms once again. It must be so, so hard for your arms to be empty, especially right now. But no matter what, a cherished mother you’ll always be, because love never dies. Never.

Forever in your heart; forever in all our loving memories. That’s where your sweet baby Ginger is safely cradled.

Sending my hugs to you from across the miles, in honor of a forever loving mother and a precious girl.
Marianne

[gingerbread]

Thank you so much. It is a hard weekend.. Longing for her, I am trying to focus on all the Mother's Days I was blessed to share with her! 16 beautiful memories! I am thankful for everyone of them and know I enjoyed more then some moms ever did. I am grateful for that. I think no matter the years, we will always want " just one more".
Hugs to all that are missing their furbabies this weekend also.
Thank you for all of the support. I pray I can be of help to others at times on here as you all have graciously been helping me. Love, Colleen

[labblab]

Oh Colleen, you’re already being a help to our family. The feelings you are writing about are shared by many others, I’m sure — folks who haven’t been able, or felt able, to write about them on their own. By giving voice to your own loss, you’re also speaking for other moms and dads, as well. In that way, the sorrow and the loss and yes, finally the comfort, are shared among all who come here to join us. And hopefully, that makes the burden a little lighter for everyone who is in pain.

We’re so glad you’re here with us, and a member of our dear K9C family.
Sending our love right back at you!

[gingerbread]

Oh Colleen, you’re already being a help to our family. The feelings you are writing about are shared by many others, I’m sure — folks who haven’t been able, or felt able, to write about them on their own. By giving voice to your own loss, you’re also speaking for other moms and dads, as well. In that way, the sorrow and the loss and yes, finally the comfort, are shared among all who come here to join us. And hopefully, that makes the burden a little lighter for everyone who is in pain.

We’re so glad you’re here with us, and a member of our dear K9C family.
Sending our love right back at you!

Thank you so much..very thankful to be here.
I know one thing... my little girl sure loved life!

[gingerbread]

Another hard few days, especially for my husband. As my heart is broken missing Ginger, It is also broken for him. I am trying to be strong for him, yet when his tears flow mine join his. It feels like they are always right on the edge... waiting for that one memory, that one smell, that one meal to trigger a memory and start the flood of tears.
We find strength in each other, yet at times we end up a blubbering clump on the couch together.
Still, we know we grieve differently and must allow each other their own way, own time, own healing.
For those of you that are dealing with Cushing's pups, older pups, various illnesses I share from experience, have all the patience you can. Show all the love you can. Be as gentle and understanding as you can. You will still have regrets.. we always will, but when you know you did your best, tried your hardest, loved as unconditionally aa you could, your regrets may not be as many, may not hurt as deeply....
Praying for all of you and sending love.

[gingerbread]

11 weeks and I could not, can't fight the tears back today. Perhaps denial is beginning to be replaced with reality. I do not know... All I know is I ache and long for her.. it cannot come soon enough to be reunited and I know we will be. Hugs to all..

[Squirt's Mom]

These times are to be expected as we learn to adjust to life without our loved ones. It starts to feel as if we are finally coming to grips with things then out of the blue the bottom falls out all over again. We spiral down over and over but in time we realize those spirals are fewer and not quite as deep as they once were. Then the real healing can begin and we can start to look beyond the pain for short periods. So as much as it sucks you are right where you are supposed to be for now. Just keep reminding yourself this does get better. I know there are times that is flat impossible to believe so when you can't believe it, let those of us who have walked this valley before believe it for you.

Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

Thanks so much! Every reply is helping.
Yesterday marked 3 months since we had to say goodbye.
It just doesn't seem real, yet the heartache and emptiness does. We just plain miss her period!!! She was in everything we did, it everywhere we went.
We went to visit my Daddy's grave. My WWII, Korea, and Vietnam Hero. The first man that loved! Ginger loved him and oh how he loved her!! It will be 5 years this July that Dad passed away. It was a very emotional day, yet I know Ginger is with him and They are taking care of each other. For that I am grateful.
For those of you on this wonderful forum that have service members that have gone on before you. I thank you. They are honored, respected and will not be forgotten.. ever!����❤❤��������

[gingerbread]

13 weeks now... still struggling.
I am learning it is more of a moment by moment rather than day by day!

[Harley PoMMom]

Sending huge loving hugs ♥♥♥

[Joan2517]

I still count down...now they are years instead of weeks. She is in my thoughts so many times every day...memories, pictures, the garden, every room in the house.

Many, many hugs to you...

[gingerbread]

Thank you. All the hugs help knowing not only my sweet Ginger was/is loved by all of you, but I am also!

[gingerbread]

Oh yes! Ginger is in everything we do, every where we go..
The daily routine of her care has sent me in a very lost state of mind. I think I needed someone to take care of, as much as she needed someone to take care of her..
Just...plain... empty....

[Squirt's Mom]

That was something I learned about myself thru Squirt....I need to be needed. As much work and dedication as it required to look after Squirt in her latter years I would do it all over again and again and again.... People made comments to the tune of things like "why do you spend so much money on that dog?", "why don't you just let her go and get a young, healthy dog?" and others just as ignorant. I tried to explain the rewards more than compensated for any energies I expended on her behalf but for them to understand what I meant by that they would have to be able to comprehend the love Squirt and I share....and not many can do that. So even tho it still hurts to live without my Sweet Bebe I remind myself how lucky I am that I have been blessed enough to know such a love and to know it more than once. We really are blessed. In spite of the price we pay, we are so very blessed.

[gingerbread]

Absolutely we are blessed to know that kind of love and affection. I wouldn't trade that bond for anything in the world! I, too, would do it over and over and over again for my sweet Ginger!

[gingerbread]

16 weeks.... I long for my sweet Ginger daily, nightly. The routine, the snoring, the unconditional love, those beautiful soft floppy ears and those gorgeous brown eyes.
I am holding on... sometimes by a thread, but still holding.
Such a precious precious gift she was and will always be.
Hope you and yours are well.

[labblab]

Thank you for your kind wishes, Colleen, and I’m sending my warmest thoughts your way as you continue to grieve for your precious girl. Sometimes truly the best we can do is to hold on by a thread. But hopefully the moments will come when the thread feels a bit stronger and more resilient. Perhaps only for a moment at first, but always being strengthened by the sweetest memories tucked safely in your heart.

My own heart is with you this morning,
Marianne

[gingerbread]

Thank you so very much!❤
So Yesterday, Monday, July 5th I celebrated my birthday and our 27th wedding anniversary. Though I am extremely thankful for each day, each milestone, it was bittersweet with my sweet Ginger not there to celebrate with me in person. She always got a small piece of plain yellow cake.. Today I would have given her the whole thing just to have her one more day! So glad we had 16 birthday celebrations together for her, and for me. Hold tight and i all circumstances, practice patiences... hope you and yours are enjoying your summer so far.

[labblab]

Awwwww, Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary to you, Colleen, although I know the celebration had to be so bittersweet. My husband and I are still getting used to much quieter holiday celebrations, ourselves. We have no human children, so a lot of our holidays were always linked with our parents and older relatives who sadly have all passed on. The final loss for me was my 99-year-old mom who left us two years ago. She was cognitively as sharp as a tack right up to the end, so it was a joy to have her with us for all the holidays (she was in a seniors’ residence nearby). We had planned to branch out a bit with extended family after her death, but then COVID arrived, so you know the rest of that chapter…

Anyway, we’re so lucky that Luna is still with us, and that we’re able to celebrate the holidays, ourselves. But that doesn’t change the tug on the heartstrings and the wistful memories of wonderful days now behind us.

Continuing hugs and best wishes heading your way,
Marianne

[Joan2517]

Happy birthday and anniversary from me too!

My first birthday after Lena died was my 60th...and I missed her every second of that day. I spent the day by myself, my husband was away at a seminar, Jess and Sigi came with the kids after dinner with cake, and I really just wanted to be by myself.

The firsts are so hard....

[gingerbread]

So sorry for the loss of your mom, and all the others.
My mom just turned 91 in May.. she is struggling with dementia, as my daddy did prior to his death July 22, 2016. He was 91, they had just celebrated their 69th wedding anniversary..
I too have no children. My husband has a grown son, but he out of state so Ginger was my only " child" and truly helped fill that void! We are trying to stay busy, or make ourselves be busy.. the desire isn't there.. we just ho the the motions.. but it is a start..
Thank you for the birthday/ anniversary wishes!

[gingerbread]

I just turned 62.. you are so correct. The firsts have all been the hardest. My mind jumps ahead to Gingers upcoming birthday Sept. 1st. She would have been turning 17. I have to pull myself back and focus on today only as we are not promised tomorrow.
Sending hugs your way. Thank you for the Birthday/Anniversary wishes!

[gingerbread]

As we head into our 19th week without our little girl, with much prayer and tears, we know we are coming along a little better. It is still hard every day, but it is not all day. It hits out of the blue, an almost sick feeling that she is not here physically anymore, but forever and always in us and with us. Oh to just hold her once again. To tell her how much we love her and to thank her for everyone of the years we had! She knows. We know she knows. We tell her everyday, but it would still be nice to hold her and tell. Hope this finds you all doing well!

[Joan2517]

I know...I still wake up on Friday's with that sick feeling that she died on a Friday five years ago. Sometimes I think that I haven't thought about her all day, and then realize that I have. Everything reminds me of her and I think about her automatically without realizing it. She will always be in my heart and my thoughts...she was my heart.

[gingerbread]

Yep.. that sick feeling is so strong, we are coming up on 21 weeks... some days are getting a little better, others still are very, very hard. So many irrational thoughts.. did she know what we were doing? Did she think she was a problem and we didn't want her anymore? How do you let go?? I know neither are true. but why is our mind so hurtful sometimes? My heart knows different... but the tears flow... Missing Ginger so, so much.

[Joan2517]

It's not that our minds are hurtful, just that we want to change the outcome.

I always wonder if she looked for me before they put her to sleep...did she hear me on the phone telling her how much I loved her? Was she waiting for me to come back? If I had been there would she have pulled through?

Still....

I saw a cloud formation today that looked just like her. I took a picture and showed it to my husband and he recognized her right away. I know she's still with me, she's my heart, she always will be.

[gingerbread]

I suppose you are right. Our minds are not hurtful. We do so want to change the outcome. More than anything!!
Ging will always, always be with us. She, too was our soulmate, our heart!!
That is so awesome about the cloud!! That has to be a very special picture!!
Blessings to you all!

[gingerbread]

Good evening all. Hope this finds you enjoying your summer. The weather has been great for the garden..thankful for that.
Beginning 22nd week without my Ginger. She is in, and a part, of everything I do, everywhere I go.
This morning I caught a hint of her scent
I thought I did.. my heart wanted to look for her, pick her up and just breath in all those wonderful smells!
My mind knew different. I caught a tear on my cheek and let in dry on my finger... just for her...��

[Joan2517]

I truly believe that you did. For weeks after Lena died I would all of a sudden pick up on scent of the lotion they used to clean her before they gave her to me after she had died. At first I didn't know what it was, then it hit me...and I knew she was still with me.

[labblab]

You know, they say that a person’s sense of smell connects directly to memories in a really unique way…


But why do smells sometimes trigger powerful memories, especially emotional ones? The short answer is that the brain regions that juggle smells, memories and emotions are very much intertwined. In fact, the way that your sense of smell is wired to your brain is unique among your senses.

So if smells can trigger memories, maybe it can go the other way and memories can trigger smells, too? After reading what you girls have written, I went upstairs to the cupboard in the bathroom where we’ve always bathed the dogs. There in the back, I’ve always left the last bottle of shampoo that we used on Barkis. Even when he was all grown up, we still used a puppy shampoo on him that smelled so sweet. During those early years after he died I’d sometimes go and open the bottle, and for an instant I felt like I was back giving him a bath the day he first came home with us. The feeling was so real and so powerful. I hadn’t opened the bottle in years, though, and today the little bit of shampoo that was left was all dried up. It didn’t really have a smell any more :-(((. But I closed my eyes and thought about all our puppy baths and it was as if I could still smell it anyway. Like you say, Joan, it’s like he was right there with me and maybe he really was. Today it’s been 17 years since Barkis left us. 17 years! But for an instant, his sweet dear self was with me yet again. So thank you, girls, for giving me this little gift today, too. It means an awful lot to me.

Colleen, I know there’s got to be so much about these days right now that are still so hard and feel so raw. But even though it brought a tear, I so hope that Ginger’s scent this morning also felt like a gift to you, as well.

(((((((Big hugs to you both!))))))))))

[gingerbread]

Thank you both! Yes!!! It did bring a sweet comfort and memory. Bittersweet which I will gladly welcome..
Hugs, love and prayers..

[gingerbread]

24 weeks and my selfish self still wants her back. I think I always will. I think we all always will. Their little, happy, unconditional loving lives are way too short.
Oh to have one tenth of that unconditional love.
So many lessons learned from my sweet Ginger. I thank her every day! Hope this finds you and yours well.
Blessings and hugs!

[Joan2517]

I forget when I stopped counting the weeks...now it's years and I still think of her every day. I totally understand, if only I could hold her against my heart again.

Hugs, hugs and hugs...

[gingerbread]

I am a sobbing mess today!! Today is Ginger's birthday.
Her first in Heaven. Would have been her 17th here..
If only.....

MY GIFT

A miracle, a tiny blessing,
At my feet I saw you resting,
As the other pups took off to run and play.
I didn't know that day you'd be mine,
But it was meant to be from that time.
Because you picked me that cold December day.

Watched you grow and play and run free.
Full of love so unconditionally.
A cherished gift from Heaven God did send.
You filled my days with love and laughter.
As I cherished every chapter.
I couldn't turn the page to read how it would end.

But I could see the tired in your eyes,
Should not have come as a surprise,
But it broke my heart to know the time was near.
I tried denying what I was seeing,
With every fiber of my being.
But the truth ran down my face in tears.

You were my everything, my lifeline
I begged and prayed to have some more time.
But I guess it was a selfish thing to ask.
I'm thankful for each day that we shared.
I pray you know how much that I cared.
With every breath I'll wish you had a longer dash.
Ginger
Sept. 1, 2004 - March 7, 2021

[Joan2517]

Now I'm a sobbing mess...what a beautiful poem. Every word reminds me of my precious and how hard her first birthday in Heaven was...her first everything in Heaven. I wish every day that I had had more time with her.

[labblab]

Oh Colleen, what a beautiful, beautiful poem and what a perfect loving tribute to your little girl. I’m in tears, too. A love this strong and powerful and beautiful will never die, but I know that doesn’t the hurting. My heart is with you, dear one.

Marianne

[gingerbread]

6 months.... just doesn't seem possible. Some moments feel so raw, so close, others it seems so long since I held my little girl. I know I mustn't go there, but lately I have been wondering if she ever thinks of me. I am mixed with emotions. I want her to, yet, I don't want her to because I would never, ever want her to be sad and that is not what Heaven is....

[gingerbread]

Thank you so much.. she was so special. Really struggling with depression and guilt this month. Perhaps with it being the 6 month mark and her birthday month.
I have such great memories, so much hope and assurance knowing I will be with her again.. but it is the " todays" that are hard to get through.

[labblab]

Awwwww Colleen, I sure do understand. Our heads and our hearts can definitely travel along different paths, and the pain from the absence of such a treasured companion can have a poignant life of its own. The pain can reappear when you least expect it. Sometimes subtle, sometimes breathtakingly sharp. My own heart is with you as you navigate the challenges that each new day brings. And please know that we all join you here in loving memory of your dearest little girl, today and every day.

Marianne

[Jonathan]

but it is the " todays" that are hard to get through.
I understand completely...
Tomorrow Sept 26 is/would be, my little girls 15th birthday.

My heart seems to beat a little harder on these days, and I tend to go back thru those "goffy pics" and remember the moments behind them.


But underneath the tears is a smile, and a sense of thanks, because I can remember the happiness we shared.
And the shared unconditional love... on BOTH sides

[Joan2517]

Lena loved Fall...she would watch the leaves blowing around, sit and watch me decorate the front yard, cuddle up under blankets in the gazebo. All these memories flood into me as I sit outside and think of her. I close my eyes and picture her and Doree strolling around the garden together, or buried under blankets watching the fire. I have a sweet picture of the two of them sitting side by side in front of the fireplace in my front room, the matriarch and the baby. Now Doree is the matriarch and Sibbie is the baby...strange. Lena would've been 20 last March, she's been gone almost six years and I still miss her every day...

[gingerbread]

Thank you all for so much understanding and love.
It gives me more comfort than you know.
I am thankful I can come here and share knowing I will never be judged, or just told to get over it, it's just a dog. Those comments cut me to the core, but I also know a lot of people do not understand the bond we have with our pups. Blessings to all.

[gingerbread]

33 weeks... my precious Ginger has been gone. I think at times we have more days in a row that we can look back at the happy times. We still have our moments, we always will... she is so missed... she loved long walks on fall days.. one day I will be able to walk those walks, but for now they stay reserved for memories.
Hope you and yours are well.

[gingerbread]

17 years ago today, my( our) life changed forever!��❤.. you came into our lives a 5 month old precious tiny pup. So needy, so loving, so full of life. We celebrated 16 birthdays and 16 " welcome homes" with you! 15 Thanksgivings and Christmases! We are indeed grateful and thankful for every single day. You filled our lives with so much joy! It was so fulfilling to be so needed, so loved unconditionally. Miss you every single day Ginger...

[labblab]

Oh Colleen, out of all your anniversaries with Ginger, I can only imagine how especially poignant this “Gotcha” Day must feel to you. That moment of time when you came home bringing Ginger — it separates two huge eras of your life. And for sure, the days after were the sweet ones filled with love. I know how much you must be missing her, especially today.

Sending huge hugs your way,
Marianne

[gingerbread]

Yes, we are more today!! Thank you for the comments and hugs. They are most needed. A lot of anxiety is hitting with this and knowing March 7th is right around the corner.
Blessings to all... grieve as much and as long as you need. We are not cookie cutters. Everyone is different, everyone has a unique relationship with our babies. There is no right or wrong in grief, as long as our kindness and understanding remain for others.

[Squirt's Mom]

All these anniversaries can be so tough. Not only their actual arrival but the simple knowledge they are coming can be devastating. I can promise you, tho....it does get easier with time. For me, the pain never leaves, it has become an integral part of me. But those pains no longer feel so heavy. Someone recently shared an article on grief that hit home with me (it may have been you who shared this!). It talked about how our grief never really grows any smaller with time, it is never less than it was....but over time we grow bigger around it so that the grief doesn't seem as big and heavy as it once was even tho it is the exact same size. WE are the ones who grew and learned to make that grief a part of us.

I know your precious Ginger is so very proud of her mom and dad.
Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

Leslie, thank you. I had not seen that article but I love it.
Thank you for sharing it. I believe that to be true, our pain and grief never leave or become less. The part about us growing around it was a new way to look at it. That gives me a little more comfort. Thank you so very much.

[Squirt's Mom]

Here's a link to the article. It helped me a great deal after reading it.
((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

https://whatsyourgrief.com/growing-around-grief/

[gingerbread]

Thank you so very much!
Hugs back to you and yours.
Colleen

[labblab]

Hi Colleen and Leslie! I absolutely agree that there seems to be a lot of comforting support offered by the “What’s Your Grief” community, so I’ve added their website to the main resource thread on our “In Loving Memory” subforum:

Where to Find Help When You’re Hurting (https://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?171-Where-to-Find-Help-When-You-re-Hurting)

I’ve listed the website as a link in the post that opens the thread, and I’ve also added a reply at the end of the thread that includes a graphic of Lois Tonkin’s model re: “Growing Around Grief.” This way, we’ll have the links permanently archived so that we can easily direct other folks to the website in the future. Since this model has been a comfort to all three of us, I feel certain that other folks will appreciate it as well…

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Good idea, Marianne! Thank you!

[gingerbread]

Thank you so very much.
Blessings, Colleen

[gingerbread]

49 weeks and my First Valentine's Day without my precious Ginger...I always got her a new toy, or something special on Valentine's Day ( actually almost any day I went to the store she got something ��).
I am so thankful I did and I cherish the last toy I bought her. It is a small stuffed dog with a ribbon collar with hearts on it and heart pattern fabric lines it's ears. It will forever be so special.
The anxiety got to be a bit much so I reached out to my doctor. With Ginger passing, my dad a few years before, my mom battling dementia.. It was overwhelming. Fortunately I have a very compassionate and understanding doctor and the medication has helped some.
I encourage anyone struggling to reach out to someone, any one. There is no shame in needing help.. we were not put on this earth to walk it alone. I am so here and happy to chat.
Happy Valentine's Day.. may you all know how much you are loved!

[labblab]

I encourage anyone struggling to reach out to someone, any one. There is no shame in needing help.. we were not put on this earth to walk it alone. I am so here and happy to chat.
Happy Valentine's Day.. may you all know how much you are loved!
Colleen, thank you so much for your Valentine Day’s gift to our family in the form of your post! I couldn’t agree with you more. At several points in my own life when I’ve felt overwhelmed by events or issues, I’ve sought out trusted counselors who provided the support I needed to regain my footing. Just as you’ve written, there is no shame in needing help. And once we’ve been helped ourselves, we can pass that gift onward by offering our own help to others. Ginger’s lasting gift to our family was bringing you here to us in the first place. Thank you for remaining here with us now, and with contributing your caring thoughts whenever you post.

First and foremost, though, take good care of yourself — Ginger would want that, and you surely deserve it!

[Squirt's Mom]

What wonderful memories to surround yourself with, Colleen! I've kept several of my daughter's toys and things for the comfort they bring.
I'm proud of you for reaching out when you realized your plate was a bit too full. It happens to all of us at one time or the other and I am so glad you found the help and understanding you needed to help you thru the valley. But remember, when you feel yourself standing at the edge of the hill down into the valley that you have friends here reaching out a hand to help any way we can....even if it's nothing more than to offer a ear to hear.
Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

Thank you both... I usually do pretty well handling things, but I was struggling too much. I knew with March 7th just around the corner and the 1 year mark of Ging passing( which I still can't believe), The anxiety was really starting to increase. I was worried about a strong downhill spiral when I was already having problems coping.
I know it's going to hit and hit hard, but it is expected.
I am learning.. it's ok to not be ok... this journey is unique to each of us, yet connect us with a bond unmatched.
In supporting one another, we are also supporting ourselves so our walk through grief, loneliness, emptiness, anger, hurt, and depression is a little less
stressful, a little less hard and a whole lot more tolerable knowing we are not alone.
Bless you all. Have a great weekend.

[gingerbread]

52 weeks!!!! 1 year!!!���� I still have trouble accepting it. Can't believe it. It seems like it was just a few weeks ago, yet so very long since I held you, fed you, gave you a bath, took you for a walk, or a ride. Gave you kisses and stroked your long soft ears. I didn't know a heart could break twice along the same fault line until today.. I miss you Ginger, my baby girl and best friend. Forgive me for the times I lost my patience.. it wasn't many, but they still hurt.
You knew all my secrets and loved me anyway.
Mom always, always loved and loves you. Forever little girl! You are missed every single day! You filled a void no one else ever can.
... love mom..

[labblab]

52 weeks!!!! 1 year!!!���� I still have trouble accepting it. Can't believe it. It seems like it was just a few weeks ago, yet so very long since I held you, fed you, gave you a bath, took you for a walk, or a ride. Gave you kisses and stroked your long soft ears. I didn't know a heart could break twice along the same fault line until today.. I miss you Ginger, my baby girl and best friend. Forgive me for the times I lost my patience.. it wasn't many, but they still hurt.
You knew all my secrets and loved me anyway.
Mom always, always loved and loves you. Forever little girl! You are missed every single day! You filled a void no one else ever can.
... love mom..

Colleen, holding both you and Ginger in my thoughts today. It’s a rainy evening here, and I just now lit a candle to honor sweet Ginger. The raindrops seem like tears falling outside my window, but the candle’s glow is so comforting here inside my room. I am hoping the same may be true for your heart. That the loving forever memories inside your heart will help balance the sorrow of your loss.

Sending many, many hugs your way on this milestone anniversary and in honor of your precious girl.
Marianne

[gingerbread]

Marianne,
Thank you so very much. I, too lit a candle for my Ginger. We were rainy last night and this morning. Today cold, windy and overcast. I feel the warmth of the candle you lit to honor Ginger, as I feel my own. Yes, the rain at times is so much like tears falling from Heaven. I knew today would be hard, just didn't know how hard it waa going to be. But Ginger was worth every tear, every heartache every sleepless night. The fond memories and hood times are slowly creeping back in.
Blessings to you all.
Colleen

[gingerbread]

Good afternoon all!
54 weeks without my sweet Ginger by my side.. I so ache for her companionship. Those beautiful brown eyes, so full of love always! She lives on in my heart and forever will.. the best of the best! It is not uncommon to long for her, to miss her deeply, to talk to her daily and still feel regrets. The deeper we love, the harder the grief, and the stronger the longing to want to change the outcome.
Everyone's journey is different. It is there's to travel, but it doesn't mean you do it alone. Please don't hesitate to reach out. It is not a sign of weakness. It is one of the strongest moves you( we) can ever make.
Hugs to all. Be blessed on this gorgeous spring day.
Colleen.

[Squirt's Mom]

My goodness....those anniversaries never get any easier. Tho I will say that with time the birthdays and passing days aren't quite as painful as they used to be. Maybe that's because I am getting older and that means the time I have to wait to be reunited is getting shorter by the day. I have pictures of Squirt around my home and I talk to them all the time. It helps a teeny bit on the worst days and on the better days it makes me feel as if she's just in the other room, listening. I see Squirt and my daughter in the Cardinals and Dragonflies and that helps most of all because I believe my beautiful girls are present in these other forms and coming to check on me, to let me know they are ok. I hope you are also finding little ways to keep your precious Ginger close.

Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

Oh yes! She surrounds me everywhere! She is beside my chair on a shelf just for her. She is with me when I walk where we walked. Her love forever there. In the cardinal's that visit and the gentle breeze. I kiss her good morning every morning and tell her goodnight every night and how much I love her and will see her soon.
Thanks Leslie. Big hugs!

[mytil]

Oh Colleen,
I know these anniversaries can be very, very difficult and it is also the small everyday things that get us too. I work mostly behind the scenes here at K9C and my heart still aches after loosing all of my doggies over these years. I do encourage you to keep posting. Grief can last a very long time and I truly think that one day you will find yourself suddenly smiling with some of the memories or even laughing at some of the funny antics of your sweet Ginger. I know my little Mytilda would do the funniest things just to make me laugh....she would do them and suddenly look at me saying ha ha I made you laugh.
Big (((((hugs)))))
Terry

[gingerbread]

56 weeks!! My heart is not ready to let go over the weeks yet and say year. Terry, thank you for your comments. Grief is a very long process indeed, especially when you have other issues you are dealing with.. we are all unique, no walk is the same, but we all share a common bond. I will keep posting. It helps me, but I hope it will in some ways help others. I do smile more with her memories, and we remember the stubborn, silly things she used to do. She was definitely a one of a kind! She rarely barked unless she hit a bunny trail while we walked her, or she saw something outside at night she could not identify. Too many times it was an empty grocery bag stuck on a low branch. When she needed out she would just go to the door and stand.. the only noise she would make was a low "uumph" after standing there and not being noticed.
I am feeling better now that the medication is working.. thankful that I have the support here and with others around me too! Both are key.. learning I can't solve everything all at once, and somethings never and that is ok..
Have a blessed week.
Colleen

[gingerbread]

59 weeks my little girl has been gone! Sundays will always be hard. I do cherish every single moment we had with Ginger. I know we are very fortunate to have had her. Loved her for 16 years! Much more than others have and I am forever grateful. My heart aches for all who have suffered this loss. It is a very hard and emotional experience. The grief at times seems unbearable, as do the regrets. Please know, even though this is a journey you will go through, your experiences will be unique, but you are never alone. Everyone has their own way of dealing with situations, with stress, grief, guilt, there is no right or wrong ( as long as we do no harm), and there is no set time limit. Allow yourself all the time you need, but know someone is always just a text away.
I continue my journey and will the rest of my days missing my precious Ginger, but remembering all the wonderful days and years she had. All the funny things she did and all the love she gave unconditionally! Healing takes time and it's okay to not be okay!
Sending blessings to all!
Colleen

[Squirt's Mom]

There is a wild flower named Erigeron annuus, commonly called Fleabane Daisy, that grows in my yard each spring. They were blooming big time in April of 2014, one month before my beloved Squirt passed. One of the last pics I have of her is standing in a patch of them looking over her shoulder back at me. I cherish that pic soooo much because shortly after she really declined. Now when those daisies appear I call them "Squirt's flowers" and mow/weedeat around them for as long as they last because I can see her face in every bloom.

Honoring our memories are a way of that deep, irreplaceable love alive forever. I have no doubt that Ginger and Squirt and all our other precious babies who have gone ahead hold memories in their hearts that keep us alive for them too.

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
Leslie

[Joan2517]

I had a garden flag made of Gable with snow on his face and in the background. It was too late for this year, but it will be hanging in the front next Winter. He loved the snow so much and died before any of it this year. I have it hanging on my fireplace screen and he is looking at me every day. I'm going to have one made for Lena, too.

Leslie, that picture of Squirt would look lovely hanging in your garden.

The website is Zazzle.com...

And Colleen, I know what you mean about Sundays...I feel the same on Tuesdays and Fridays.

[gingerbread]

62 weeks... hope all of you are doing well and enjoying the spring/summer weather. We had a rather warm week last week with highs near 90. Rain came in and cooled us off. We are a very pleasant high 70's. Got the garden in and that felt good. Tomato plants look good. I have radishes peeking through the soil and my zucchini is just barely cracking the surface. Mother's Day was hard, as I know it will be every year, but enjoyed the day with my mom. She has her 92nd birthday this Friday so another very welcomed and thankful celebration. I will always miss Ginger every single day... some days much more than others.. trying to hold on to the good times and wrap my heart and thoughts with her unconditional love!
Happy Spring, almost Summer.
Hugs to all. Blessings always, Colleen

[gingerbread]

Hello everyone and happy Sunday. Hope this finds everyone doing well.
66 weeks today my little girl Ginger has been gone. Doesn't seem real.. I miss her everyday, everywhere I go..
I talk to her daily, sometimes several times a day. She was my confidant, best friend, and baby. It's a bond nothing and no amount of time can break and for that I am truly, truly grateful. Have been doing better for the most part. There are times things are still a bit rocky, but healing takes time and everyone is different. I continue to help with mom, she turned 92 last month. The dementia is progressing. but that is expected.I also conrinue to do for our veterans and seniors when I can and the garden is looking wonderful. Just got my second harvest of radishes! Be blessed, be kind to yourself.. it's ok, not to be ok sometimes.
Love, Colleen

[labblab]

Beaming plenty of love right back at you, Colleen! We so appreciate your updates, and surely understand that the mixture of good and bad days (heck, good and bad *moments*) may well persist for a long, long time. Even though it’s hard for me to believe it, it’s now been six years today since my husband and I last held our sweetie Peg in our arms. Six whole years, and yet in some ways I could swear it was only six months ago. I think grief has a way of collapsing time and flooding us with memories, probably forever. But along with the memories there remains a connection of love that I will always treasure and never regret. I hope that will be true for you, too.

And good job with helping your mom, and the other folks in your community. Dementia is such a cruel thief. I’m sure your help is a huge gift to her, and also all the others. And congrats on your garden! I have several outdoor pots of flowers and herbs that I’m tending, and so far they’ve done great. But we have a major heat wave moving in, so I’m sure I’ll need to be watering a lot more and maybe shifting things to more shaded areas as well. It’ll be worth it, though, to keep everything going. So I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

Thanks again for checking back in with us, and continue to take good care of yourself!
Marianne

[mytil]

Hey Colleen,
Always good to get your updates and that things may be getting easier and Yes it is ok not to be ok sometimes. I still talk to my little Mytilda and actually all of my doggies that have passed ---- I know they hear me and some of my friends think I am a nutter :) but I have it much better than them, at least I had the love and bond and life with very special doggies and they did not. You are busy. And wow, 92 years old! blessings to your Mom!!!
Take care
Terry

[gingerbread]

Good evening all. Hope this finds you and yours doing well! Have had a hot summer starting out. Got a few harvests of radishes, one zucchini is all so far. Some carrots. My tomatoes are plentiful but none have ripened yet. We have enjoyed green fried tomato BLT's though. If. you haven't ever tried them. Please do!
Have been doing alright emotionally for the most part. Was sick for about a month. Thought a lot about Ginger as she always laid by me when I was sick.
But am much better and am doing my best to enjoy the good times. I always talk to her. I always will and I will forever miss her, but I am thankful for each day we had.
Have a great week. Blessings, Colleen

[labblab]

Greetings to you, too, Colleen! Yep, fried green tomatoes in any form can sure be yummy :-))). I had not really had them before we moved to Georgia, but they tend to be a regular offering on vegetable plates here in the south, and I do enjoy them especially during the heart of the summer.

I'm so sorry to hear you've been sick, but so glad that's behind you now. I sure understand how much of a comfort Ginger always was in the past, and how much you continue to miss her. I know that part will never change and that you'll always miss her. But as you say, your memories will never leave you nor will your love for your girl.

Stay healthy and I hope you'll have some more tasty summer veggies on your plate before long!
Marianne

[gingerbread]

Good morning. Hope everyone is doing well. This past Thursday, September 1st. My sweet girl Ginger would have been 18! It was her 2nd Heavenly Birthday and as hard as it was, we celebrated her with a small cupcake like I always bought her, or made for her. It was bittersweet knowing she wasn't here to enjoy one with us ( sometimes it brings the guilt out), and yet we wanted and needed to Honor her.... I am so glad she is no longer hurting, but I still miss her every day and still long to change the outcome. I guess that is normal and will always be.
Enjoy your weekend. Blessings to all, Colleen

[labblab]

So good to see you, Colleen, and I’m so glad you guys shared that cupcake with Spirit Ginger! It’s so sweet to honor her special day — and all your special memories — in this way.

Can you believe September is already here? Seems like it was just yesterday that we were talking about summer vegetables, and now they’re already stocking our store with Halloween candy. I really can’t believe it. But I do love the autumn, and I remember from your sweet photos from last year how much Ginger loved it, too. Best wishes to you, my friend, as you continue to honor all the special days in your little girl’s life.

Hugs, Marianne

[gingerbread]

Thank you so much for remembering how much Ginger loved fall and rustling through the leaves and the crisp air to take a walk. Yesterday Sunday, marked 81 weeks... still so hard to believe. Sometimes it seems like it was only last week, other times it seems much longer... She was just the sweetest little girl, so loving, so funny, so trusting, such a needy baby and I cherish all of it and miss all of it also. Every day I miss it and miss her. I will forever.
I tell her so every day...
Hope this finds you all doing well..
Yes, it is hard to believe it is almost October.. I have a few more green tomatoes on the vine. Picked 4 ripe ones Friday. I dont know if the rest will ripen but if not, I will pick them and fry them up!
Blessings always, Colleen

[mytil]

Blessing to you too Colleen and spirit Ginger.
Terry

[gingerbread]

Thank you Terry. Appreciate that an awful lot.
Hoping you and yours are doing ok?

[gingerbread]

87 weeks Sunday... it just doesn't seem real at times.
I see all the leaves on the ground and gathered on the fence rows and remember just how much Ginger loved to walk through the leaves making as much noise as possible. Sometimes they were so deep all you could see was her head and tail!�� She so loved fall and could take much longer walks with the cooler weather.
Such a special little beagle God blessed us with.
I pray you all are doing well. Blessings. Colleen

[labblab]

Hi Colleen! Thank you so much for your kind thoughts, and for bringing a smile to our faces as we picture sweet Ginger amidst the autumn leaves. Memories like these are beyond priceless, aren’t they?

Also, in case you’re interested, I just wanted to let you know that our “holiday house” is open for business once again this year on our “In Loving Memory” forum. Should you wish to stop by at any time during the coming weeks, we’ll surely be so glad to have you there ;-).

https://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?3790-Holidays-can-be-hard

Either way, though, here or there, it’s always so good to hear from you!
Marianne

[gingerbread]

Thank you so much Marianne! I will definitely be stopping by again this year.

[gingerbread]

98 weeks my baby has been gone.
18 years ago today, my( our) life changed forever!��❤.. you came into our lives a 5 month old precious tiny pup. So needy, so loving, so full of life. We celebrated 16 birthdays and 16 " welcome homes" with you! 15 Thanksgivings and Christmases! We are indeed grateful and thankful for every single day. You filled our lives with so much joy! It was so fulfilling to be so needed, so loved unconditionally. Miss you every single day Ginger...

[Harley PoMMom]

Sending huge and loving hugs.

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh Colleen...those precious memories. Some days they are the only thing that keeps me whole - remembering all the great times had with my babies. Even though the tears come there is also joy and a sense of blessing that I was allowed to share my life with them.

Thank you for continuing to include us in your journey of grief...and never think you are on that journey alone. We walk with you every step.

Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

104 weeks!!! 2 whole years.... this Tuesday, March 7th.
I still have trouble accepting it. I don't want to accept it, never will.. I miss her every single day.
It just doesn't seem possible. Sometimes it seems like it was just a few weeks ago, other times it feels so long ago that she was here by my side. Me comforting her, her comforting me. Oh to have that again! Sometimes it isn't the tears that fall from our eyes that sting so badly, it is the tears that fall from our soul!
My baby, my best friend, my soul mate, my confidante. The sight of the rainbow bridge cannot come soon enough.
Hope you and yours are all doing well.
Blessings. Colleen

[Joan2517]

So well said, Colleen...sometimes I wonder how much more my heart can take.

[Harley PoMMom]

Sending huge and loving hugs. ❤

[gingerbread]

Most definitely. Sending love and.hugs.
I am just getting over Covid that went into bronchitis and pneumonia..
Actually caught it 6 weeks ago, but it has been a long recovery. My sweet 92 year old momma and older sister caught it 2 weeks ago so I was over helping them. They are on the upswing, thankfully. I am also but still have cough and get tired easily. So much needs done and I just don't have the energy yet.

[labblab]

Omigoodness, Colleen, healing wishes being sent to you and your whole family. I know what a comfort Ginger would have been to you during this illness. Always by your side before, I believe your sweet Angel is still with you in spirit, though. Take good care of yourself, my friend!

[Harley PoMMom]

Oh my goodness, Colleen, you take care of yourself. Many of my family members had covid too and it can take a while to get over it. Sending healing energy and more loving hugs!

[Joan2517]

My son has had it twice now. The last time he had the flu at the same time, ugh! So far, we have managed to avoid it...

Feel better soon!

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh me! Please be extra good to yourself! Try not to worry about anything but getting better. Rest, rest, rest and loads of water. I am glad to know your mom and sister are doing better and know I want the same for you!

Hugs,
Leslie

[mytil]

Oh Colleen I am so very sorry to read this! Please take care of yourself for sure!
Sending healing hugs
Terry

[gingerbread]

Thank you all. Yes, Ginger would havw been right beside me the whole while. I know she is with me as my Angel. I miss those long soft ears to stroke, but I know she is healrhy, patiently waiting for me. Thank you for the healing wishes and good thoughts. I know it takes time. I am just terrible at being the patient. I am usually the caregiver.
Loads of love to you all. Stay healrhy.
Blessings, Colleen

[gingerbread]

Hello everyone and Happy Easter, Happy Resurrection Day! I hope you all have had a wonderful day! We are sunny and 65! The sunshine is very welcomed! I am FINALLY about over this long hsul Covid/ bronchitis/ pneumonia cough and crud. Talk about draining and depressing! But I am also very thankful it never got any worse.
109 weeks... every Sunday hits a little harder than most days.. always will. To have that image of Ginger having that seizure on the porch for almost 2 hours is something I will never forget. Once you see something, you cannot unsee it. Poor little girl. So brave and loving. I will always and forever miss her and part of me will be sad for the rest of my life. But I also learned so much about unconditional love and compassion. Those are what I am doing my best to work on and celebrate.
Hope you and yours are all well. Always here if you need to chat or just someone to listen.
Blessi gs always. Colleen

[Harley PoMMom]

Awww, Colleen, thank you and I hope your Easter was wonderful as well, I am also very happy to read that you are getting better, that is great news! I am sure your precious Ginger has been looking over you while you are recovering as she will always do. We are here for you and please do come back to talk with us whenever you want.

Love and Hugs, Lori

[gingerbread]

Absolutely Ginger has been and always is looking after me.
Thank you so much. I will always come back and talk and share. There is nothing more comforting than thise who know the love and loss of our precious 4 legged family members.
Hugs back. Love, Colleen

[labblab]

I’m so glad, too, to hear that you’re finally feeling better!! It’s definitely been a long haul for you. Thank you so much for your holiday well wishes. Yesterday was four months to the day that we lost Luna, and of course she was in my mind and heart throughout the day, just as you carried Ginger alongside you. Things can never be the same as they were for us before, can they. But we’ll always have our dear memories.

As always, it’s so good to hear from you. And especially to know that you’re recovering!

A happy and loving belated Easter greeting from my house to yours,
Marianne

[gingerbread]

Marianne, my heart goes out to you. I remember those early days and months.. so, so raw. No, they can never be the same. I think that is oart of the reason it hurts so much. We can, and are thankful for each day we had, but it is never, ever enough.
I came across a writing, I am going to try to share. I praying it is comforting to you and any others that are hurting.
Love, Colleen
Love Came First by Donna Answorth
You don't move on after loss, but you must move "with".
You must shake hands with grief, welcome her in for she lives with you now. Pull her a chair at the table, and offer her comfort. She is not the monster you once thought her to be. She is "love" and she will walk with you now, stay with you now, peacefully, If you let her. And on the dsys when your anger is high, remember why she came. Remember who she represents. Remember. Grief came to you my friend because love came first. "LOVE CAME FIRST"

[labblab]

Colleen, thank you so much for your sweet notes to me, both here and on Luna’s thread. And what a comfort this little writing is. Truly. It really does help to be able to think about the pain in a different way. Thank you for this, my friend. Thank you so much.

[gingerbread]

115 weeks... Gosh, Ginger would have loved the weather we are having. Sunny, breezy, mid to high 70's. She'd have loved laying in the cool grass as I planted my garden. That cool grass on her belly, then she would roll over and do her little side to side wiggles!���� I miss everything about her. I suppose I always will. She also would have loved going to see her Grandma Sat and celebrating her 93rd birthday! She loved going to see my mom and dad( when daddy was still alive). They, too had a special connection. She also loved somewhere different to walk, get new sents and check the cornfields for bunnies. Every season holds different memories of her, of us.. thankful we had so many.
I hope this finds all of you and yours well..
Blessings, Colleen

[Harley PoMMom]

Sending huge and loving hugs.

[gingerbread]

Thank you. Back to you!

[gingerbread]

Hello everyone. Praying this finds you all doing well. I know it has been some time since I have checked in and I apologize for that. I have thought about you all several times.
Since my last post, my husband was diagnosed with melanoma on his scalp. It has been one appointment after another since May. Fortunately with God's grace, he has had surgery on the top of his head, about a 3 inch circle, lymph node removed and biopsied and skin graft.
There was no cancer in his lymph node and the margins around the melanoma on his head were clear. He is healing, it is just taking time. Lots to be thankful for but my anxiety levels have been very high.
Tomorrow marks 7 years since daddy passed and Sunday will be 124 weeks my sweet Ginger has been gone.
So far I am handling things okay but I am aware that my emotions are pretty high going in to tomorrow.
Ginger was always my comforter in pressing times and I miss that tremendously, besides everything else about her. That said, I will get through it. Just sharing helps to ease things. Small progress is still progress and deserves celebrating. I hope you all are doing okay. Give me a shout to say hello, or if you need an ear, I am here.
Blessings always, Colleen

[labblab]

Oh Colleen, I'm surely thinking of you today. No matter how many years have passed, anniversaries still continue to hold a lot of emotion for me, too. My memories seem to have renewed power over me on those days, both happy and sad. And without Ginger there alongside you, yup, I know that makes things even harder.

I know you're so grateful that your husband seems to have dodged a huge bullet with his melanoma, but I'm also sure there was an awful lot of stress for you both along the way. We can't take a single day for granted, can we? We've had a lot of medical appointments around our house, too. Thankfully, nothing that's turned out to be a major issue thus far. But as the years roll by, the worries do seem to gather and lurk. Just like with Ginger, my doggies were often both a great distraction from my worries and also a great comfort to me. I do miss having a furry companion so much. Originally we had thought that we might be ready to welcome another sweet spirit by this fall. But we still have enough "stuff" on our agenda that it seems wiser to wait a while longer. But there's still a huge hole in our house and our hearts, for sure.

Anyway, as I say, I am thinking of you today, my friend. I often light a little candle at the end of my day, in honor or memory of someone or something, to glow warmly through the evening. Tonight's candle will be lit for you and your daddy, Colleen. As always, I'm so glad you've checked back in with us to share your news and to lend your ear.

Best wishes and big hugs being sent your way,
Marianne

[gingerbread]

Thank you so much Marianne. Hugs coming your way. Thankful your appointments have not been major and pray they continue that way. "Anniversary dates"( I hate calling them that). Are always hard for everyone. Yes it is a mix of emotions. Sad, regretful, happy and thankful times. Renewed power in memories most definitely! It's like our hearts are a jigsaw puzzle and once that piece is, or pieces are gone, none ever fit it again quite right. Which in many ways is good because that means each will always hold a special place in our hearts, but at the same time, it also means pieces of our heart will always be empty. Lifing you and yours up in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings always. Colleen

[labblab]

Just now lit my candle, Colleen. It's up on my mantle where I can see it all evening. My husband just passed through and asked, "Who is your candle for tonight?" I said, "For Colleen, and her daddy, and little Ginger." He smiled and nodded and went on about his business. After all my years here with our K9C family, thankfully he totally understands and nothing more is needed to be said...

[gingerbread]

Bless his heart..please thank him for his understanding. You have a good man my friend. Thank you for lighting the candle for me.. much needed and much appreciated.
Blessings, Colleen

[gingerbread]

Hello all! Hope this finds everyone doing okay.
I am at 129 weeks as of last Sunday that my sweet Ginger has been gone. Today was her birthday.. her 3rd in Heaven. Gosh I miss her terribly. I know I always will and I know "Anniversary days" ( I hate calling them that), will always be hard. I don't think we ever really quit doubting our actions and decisions. The regrets... the why didn't I do this... they will always haunt me. I talk with her every day, reassure her just how much she was loved, how special she was and how very much she is missed. And I share my mistakes I feel I made with her and tell her I am sorry. If nothing else, it helps me feel a little better.
But her birthday, and the day she passed will always be difficult and very emotional. I accept that.
Update on my husband... he is coming along. Healing well. I am encouraging him to get out with me amd walk around the store some or outside and do a few blocks to the post office or up through town. We only have one street that is town really, what business is here is on Main Street. So it is nice to walk up and around and down through town. We only live a block off Main Street. So he is getting his strength back, I think the more he will walk, the quicker he will regain his strength, he tires easily still. All I can do is pray and encourage..
Okay, I have rattled on long enough... praying you all have a safe Labor Day weekend. Stay healthy and be blessed.
Blessings, Colleen

[Harley PoMMom]

Joining you in wishing a happy heavenly birthday to precious Ginger. Sending huge and loving hugs.

[gingerbread]

Thank you so much. All are welcome and needed.
Much love and hugs back.
Colleen

[labblab]

Count me in, too, Colleen! Sending my belated birthday wishes to Angel Ginger, and sending virtual hugs to you. I’m very relieved to hear that your husband continues to heal, but I realize it remains a journey for you both. Maybe the coming of some cooler fall weather (hopefully *really* soon for us all!) will make it far more pleasant and rejuvenating to get out and about. I really cannot believe it’s already Labor Day weekend. It seems like only yesterday that I was planting all my summer flower pots, and now they’re all pretty much maxed out <SIGH>. But overall, right here we’ve been spared most of the horrible extremes that have plagued so many folks lately, and for that I am most grateful. Anyway, I send my best wishes your way, as always!

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Belated Happy Birthday to our precious Ginger! I hope my Squirt didn't steal all her birthday cake! :o

I am very glad to hear your hubby is up and doing better. Walking is good for you or so I'm told. I don't have anyone forcing me to test that claim tho so remind him how lucky he is to have you at his side. I pray he continues to improve and regain his strength.

Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

Hell0 my friends! Just checking in and checking up on how everyone is doing!
Yesterday was 139 weeks wirhout my sweet Ginger. Gosh the crisp fall days can surely hit hard. I do think it was Gingers favorite time of year! She loved finding the deepest leaves to walk through. Sometimes all I could see was her little head! She was such a character! I have 2 pictures of her when we were living back in Colorado when I was raking leaves. One, she is sitting in the middle of a big pile I had raked up. The second picture she hopped up on to and in the black trash bag I was filling with leaves!! She sat there pleased aa punch!
I sure cherish those times... cherish every day I was blessed to have her! I still struggle with the guilt, the shoulda, coulda, woulda's.... I most likely always will.. perhaps we all do in our own way. I am still learning that it just has to be a part of my life now. There is no wrong or right when it comes to grief. As long as we do no harm. The guilt... I try to sort through, but it only shows me my failures even more. I cannot change any thing. I talk with her every day.. I see her everywhere I go because she was always with us. It is heart warming to know we never left her alone, but heartbreaking that she isn't here to still be enjoying all the things we did. I can talk about her and the memories easier at times, which is improvement. Other times I just cannot and that's okay. A love as we shared, as many of you have shared with your babies, shouldn't be easy to get over or put away. The happy and the hurtful are all part of living and loving, loving and loosing.
What an honor to have known the love of a pet, the love of my Ginger.
Blessings to each of you, hugs, Colleen

[judymaggie]

Hi, Colleen! You probably don't remember me--it has been several years since I posted here re my journey with my beagles, Maggie and then Abbie. I am sure they greeted Ginger when she passed and they have all formed a fun beagle pack. I am now here with my third beagle rescue, Sadie Sue, who was recently diagnosed with Cushing's. I just wanted to touch base and encourage you to keep remembering all the good times you had with Ginger.

[gingerbread]

Hi Judy. I do remember you and Maggie and Abbie! I am glad you have another, Miss Sadie Sue! I am so sorry about her diagnosis of Cushing's! My Ginger stsrted off with Addison's and within a few years it went into Cushing's, which, from what I have read is the mirror of Addison's. Ging had a good, long life for all she went through. I think it was just having to make that decision, never being through it before and not being sure we made the right decision at the right time. It was just so, so much at that time. We second guess everything.
That said.. I am trying to hold on to the fact that "Death ends a life.... not a love!" I am sure your Maggie and Abbie greeted my Ginger.. she never liked being alone. We never left her.
Blessings to you and Miss Sadie Sue.. I check now and then so if you need an ear, I am here.
Blessings to all, Colleen

[gingerbread]

Greetings one and all and Merry Christmas! I pray you and your fur babies are all doing well. 146 weeks, my third Christmas with my beautiful little Ginger beside me. Oh how she loved Christmas. Mainly the cooking and baking I did, but she also loved ripping up paper and cardboard. It was fun to watch her tear off the paper for a single little Milk Bone! I loved wrapping up little things like that for her and stuffing a few down in her stocking. She would always get a new "baby"(stuffed animal) and a new blanket some years. So many precious memories I cherish. We have had a red bird( Cardinal) visit us quite often she Ginger passed. A lot of times on a Sunday and it was a Sunday we had to say goodbye.
I still want her back, miss her terribly. But I wouldn't want her to suffer any more. I know she is free and waiting for me.. that is what I hold on to. Just checking in and wishing you and yoir a Merry Christmas and wonderful New year. Blessings always, Colleen

[Harley PoMMom]

Merry Christmas to you, dearest Colleen! Sending huge hugs with love.

[labblab]

Oh Colleen, Merry Christmas and many blessings flowing right back to you on this special morning! Hopefully a beautiful red bird will pay you a special visit today, if not outside your window then lovingly in your mind’s eye.

Always in loving memory of your precious little girl,
Marianne

[gingerbread]

You know what?? A female Red Bird was here this morning when I went out to feed the birds! Even though it was lightly raining. She showed up! My heart just melted!����

[labblab]

Omigoodness, a bit of Christmas magic for sure!!! I know how grateful you had to have been for this most special gift.

More hugs beaming their way to you, my friend!
Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

I hope your Christmas was joyful, Colleen, and that 2024 brings you much joy and adventure. I am so lucky to have Cardinals around all the time. Them and Dragonflies. Once a Dragonfly flew just in front of my windshield for miles and I couldn't help think it was my daughter or Squirt teasing me...that would be just like either one of them! I know how special it is to see one of these birds or "Evinrudes" at time when most needed.
Hugs,
Leslie

[gingerbread]

Hello all! I hope this finds everyone doing well! Last Thursday March 7th marked 3 years since Ginger passed. 156 weeks. It's so hard to believe it has been that long, and yet it seems forever since I have had her in my arms! Boy when they talk about grief being different for everyone and no journey is the same, it is so true!!! I miss her every day.. I know I always will. In some ways I guess I am glad as it tells me how much I loved, and love her. It isn't as hard as it used to be most of the time, but at times it is!! Well just wanted to check in. Say hello and share! May you all be blessed and comforted. Love you, Colleen

[Harley PoMMom]

Dearest Colleen,

Sending hugs and loving hugs.

[gingerbread]

Thank you. Sending them your way as well!.
It is so wonderful to have a group that truly understands. So many just don't get the connection we have to our pets. So I appreciate all of you!
Blessings. Colleen

[gingerbread]

Good evening all. Hope everyone is doing well and your families are also. Just checking in... doing okay here. We finally are into spring! Yay!. Things are greening up and before long it will be planting season. I am so ready.
Not too many places we can go and not think of our Sweet Ginger.. she went everywhere with us. What a joy to have that to remember. Sometimes it's sad and lonely. Some places we just can't bring ourselves to go.. I imagine that is normal, or if not, a new normal for us. I read something the other day I think about you all...
Bear with me as I cannot add a photo..
"See you later"
I have learned a few things about grief.
It is not a temporary feeling, but rather an eternal one with many changing seasons. Grief hurts in places that are hard to point to because the pain in your heart overflows into every other crevice that exists inside of your body. Sometimes grief longs to be held and pushes you away at the same time. It runs for both freedom and shelter. It wants to heal but without letting go. Grief lands ipon your chest whenever and however and wherever it chooses. It is not bound by space or time or distance and I can guarantee you that it will always find a way to come to the surface. Grief lays it's weary head down and waits for rain. for sun. For wild winds. For peace - oh precious, precious peace. Grief reminds us that death is not a goodbye. But the longest and hardest " see you later"... Ullie- kaye
My prayer is that this may help whoever may need help. Please remember you are not alone.
Blessings always, Colleen.

[labblab]

Sometimes grief longs to be held and pushes you away at the same time. It runs for both freedom and shelter. It wants to heal but without letting go.

Oh Colleen, thanks so much for sharing this new writing that you’ve found. The timing is especially poignant for me, and the little section above feels especially personal. This past week I’ve been sorting through boxes of old papers and articles that have been accumulating for years. My heart skipped a beat (several beats!) when I came across a box filled with emails and research I had been doing on behalf of two of my dearest friends. Ten years ago, within one month of one another, they were both diagnosed with what turned out to be terminal cancer. And they both passed away during the next year. But in between, we had been in such close contact. I had tried to search out clinical trials, and to coordinate with other friends as we tried to offer all our love and support.

Over the years since then, my grief at losing them still resurfaces often but has now largely become a tender ache. But re-reading all those emails, well, you can imagine. The past became the present again with the searing pain. But the crazy, crazy thing is that I also once again felt closer to my friends than I had in quite some time. And there was such a strange sweetness to that. So in a way, a gift alongside the pain. Maybe two sides to the same coin. The writing you’ve shared does indeed help me this morning with my heart and my thoughts, so I thank you very much.

And as always, it is just so good of you to check in. Spring has definitely arrived here, as well. So I’ll soon be off for a morning walk in the sunshine and flowers…

Many hugs,
Marianne

[labblab]

Hi again, Colleen. I thought I'd pop back to add a little quote that I just came across this morning. I've been following some twitter postings about a mom in England who's trying to locate her little girl's beloved doll who was lost on a train trip. (IMO, this is the kind of thing that still gives social media some value -- it's amazing how you can mobilize the entire world to help problem-solve the search for a missing dollie!).

Anyway, one person recounted a quote which has been attributed to Franz Kafka at a time when *he* tried to help a little girl search for a doll lost in a park. Supposedly Kafka assured the little girl that the doll was off having new adventures of her own. And after time passed and the original doll was never found, he gave the girl another doll with a little note tucked tucked inside:

"Every thing you love is very likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different form."

I have no idea whether anything about this story is really true. But the quote, whoever wrote it, has really struck me. It is so stark. It makes me cry, yet it also gives me hope. It has really affected me today. I thought of you, too, immediately. So I just wanted to share it with you since perhaps it will speak to you in some way, as well.

Best wishes as always, my friend.

[gingerbread]

Good evening my friends! Hope this finds you all doing okay on the Labor Day weekend. Today, Sept.1st is Ginger's Birthday. Her 4th in Heaven.. on earth it would be her 20th. Thinking hard about my little girl. I think of her
every day, miss her every day, but, as you all know the "Anniversary " days are hardest. Such a hole that little ol girl left in my heart... in a way I am really, really thankful for that hole.. I know what filled it for so many years and I am honored I was allowed to be her mom for so long. It is never long enough, never will be. Just try to hold on to the " what was". Hope you are yours are doing well, staying healthy. Blessings, Colleen

[labblab]

Hello dear friend Colleen! We’re very grateful for the opportunity to join you in honoring sweet Ginger. Where, indeed, does the time go??? At times, it seems like only yesterday that we were first bringing home our sweet bundles of fur. This past week would also have marked our little Luna’s earthly birthday — her 16th. That was also the time when my mom relocated to her retirement community here in Georgia. So we had her, Peg and Luna all three with us. I remember those days with such joy. What a very, very special time that was in all our lives.

I know you always carry Ginger in your heart, tucked safely in a most special spot. But as you say, I also know how poignant these earthly milestones feel. So I share some special hugs with you today, in honor of all our sweet spirits. Never to be forgotten. Forever in our hearts.

Love, Marianne

[gingerbread]

Good evening everyone. Hope this finds you and yours all well. Have been doing okay here. We are due for an artic blast the next few days. I think I am ready for spring! We are fortunate this winter has not been too bad. Some heavy snow, but so far little brutal cold.. that is until now.
Ginger still weighs heavy in my heart every day. I don't think that will ever change, I kind of think I don't want it to.
I guess to miss someone forever, is to keep part of them alive within us, to hold on to who they were and what they meant to us. As life moves forward you learn to carry them with you, not only in your thoughts but in who you are." I came across this post recently when one of my nieces list her husband Dec.15th to a hit and run.. she is grieving and searching, reaching out. Bless her heart and the kids. We talk, I let her share what she is comfortable with sharing. I know how important that is as I received so much of that here, with all of you and I am forever grateful.
Christmas was wonderful. I still put Gingers stocking up. It doesn't feel complete without it.
Momma continues on.. her dementia is getting worse, but she will be 95 this May, Lord willing. It is heartbreaking to see the confusion and the look of her looking lost. But all in God's timing. I am just thankful to be here to help and spend time with her. Everything else is about the same. Just wanted to say hello and wish you all a blessed and Happy New

[labblab]

Hello Colleen, and thank you so much for your well wishes. Thank you also for the poignant quote you included. I am so sorry for your niece’s loss, and also for your mom’s struggles. I surely do understand your gratitude, though, for the ability to still help her and spend time with her. Today marks the sixth anniversary of my own mom’s passing, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her. In line with your own thoughtful quote, here’s a simple quote from an online posting that I saw just this morning. Somehow it gave me a bit of peace on a morning that I needed it.

“What is grief if not love enduring.”

Everything else still stays pretty much status quo with us, too. We’re also having some very cold weather down here in Georgia, with maybe a chance for a bit of snow tomorrow. But thank you again for stopping by. It’s always so good to hear from you!

Marianne