(Adrenal tumor) desperately want info - my sweet little boy has passed

[Fellasmom]

Thanks!!Trish,I can't believe Lyme disease isn't spoke of over there as it is very prominent here.Its caused by a tick bite tho not all ticks carry the disease.They do have a vaccination for it but throughout the years,I've sort of adopted the attitude of less is more.There are vaccinations for just about anything nowadays and so much talk of how over vaccination can cause so much illness/cancer in our animals.I used to vaccinate when I lived in Maine but I am not in a high tick are any longer.I do the usual flea and tick monthly maintenance and heartworm tho I'm not even that crazy about the tick maintenance as it seems pretty toxic.I just pulled Lyme up and it does say that it can cause muscle wasting,among many other things.That's def the way I would describe what I'm feeling on her back end.I don't think the cyst like lumps have gotton any bigger,I think I'm just feeling them more because of the difference in her back end.Mel,they are def not those fatty like tumors as she does have one of those as well and Kelsey had so many!Treatment for Lyme is Doxycycline which doesn't always cure and lyme can become chronic.It can cause auto immune like symptoms as well and vitamins,etc should be avoided in the acute phase as it can exacerbate auto immune symptoms.

The vet didn't have doxy and gave me amoxicillin.Normally I would have been beside myself but I brought Fella in that same week and Grace was neglected and we were getting home so late,the antibiotics were not given at the ideal times.I do feel the bumps and the difference I'm feeling in her body are two seperate issues.

I'm going to have to take baby steps here.The cyst like lumps have been there for years.Cant even think about cancer,can't even go there just yet.I will see vet to treat aggressively for lyme as I know for sure that she is positive.They can feel the bumps and "watch" them or biopsy them "soon' but not NOW.I recall one night,about two months ago,I noticed Grace had very fine tremors of her face,barely noticeable and lasted for only seconds.I was so frightened and in hindsight,that was prob when the damn tick bit her and infected her with Lyme!

[Mel-Tia]

I think we get it over here too, people can get it as well I think from water...?

Well that sounds like a plan, maybe that amoxicillin wasnt strong enough. Will be right with you in spirit

Got to do this blinking report, will be back later

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxx

[Fellasmom]

Hope the day goes by fast for you and you're home with your little Boyce in no time!Yes,lyme affects people as well as dogs and can be quite debilitating.I'm going to read up on it a little more.Under normal circumstances,I would have done so already-poor Gracie sort of fell thru the cracks those 2wks!I'm going to bring her in and mention the lumps,but want to aggressively pursue Lyme treatment for now.I just read that if Lyme has a chance of going into remission/cured,one must be on a high dose of Doxy for about 8wks.She recieved 2wks of Amox,so I don't feel it was adequate.Can't believe I'm so behind on this!Once we get this Lyme treated,I hopefully will then feel more comfortable with pursuing diagnostics(if any)for the lumps.It's the only way I can handle it(baby steps) without going into full fledged PTSD!A reason for her feeling thinner,other than the dreaded cancer,was just the little hope I needed in order not to have a panic attack!Lyme,I can deal with.Thanks so much as usual for being there.So glad you didn't have to get out this morning-Boyce must love having you home!:)

[Mel-Tia]

Am done, got the report in, half completed the other. So much to do and no inclination to do it :eek:

Don't start beating yourself up about that you can only deal with so much. How are you both doing this afternoon?

Have you been driving yourself batty googling??

[Fellasmom]

Hi Mel
Glad you had a productive day!Always good when you get something accomplished but much harder to get motivated when the weather is nice.I would get nothing done if I worked from home,too many temptations to pull me away!I took Gracie for a good long walk and I'm going to meet one of my friends who lives a bit away,for dinner.At least it will get me out of the house!

I have calmed down a bit-can you imagine "forgetting" that your dog has lyme disease!I remember giving her the pills off schedule because we were getting home so late and thinking they were for post op dental-goes to show you my state of mind at the time!Gracie has an appt tomorrow at 3pm for follow up dental and for the Lyme treatment.I told the tech I wanted script for Doxy and she said that there is a shortage and if I do find it,expect to pay 20x the amount!:eek:.You gotta love those pharmaceutical companies!Because it appears that loss of muscle mass can be quite common with Lyme,my stress level went down as I now have a logical reason for her feelling "different" as opposed to being convinced she is wasting away due to cancer.I hate that I am this way now but after losing Fella so quickly,it doesn't take much for my stress level to go off the charts!

Sweet that Tia loved the snow.Kelsey did too.I think I began to love it so much because she did.Whenever I see the first few flakes,I always think of her as I'm sure you do of Tia.Does Boyce like it as well?Fella didn't really-he was a little guy and Grace is happy in any weather!

[Mel-Tia]

I have done it for about 6 years now so am quite used to it. Some days you do less but others more so it's evens itself out.

You were all over the shop, in shock from what was being said about Fella we only have so much capacity to deal with stuff. Am glad you are taking her tomorrow so you can get her going on something else. Rubbish those pills aren't available. Wonder why there is a shortage, is it cause so many pups have got it?

We got takeaway from an American diner tonight, ribs and shakes no cooking for me either, where you going anywhere nice?

Boycie thinks its free food. I have a whale of a time trying to stop him from eating it!

[Fellasmom]

Oh,ribs and shakes sound pretty good right now!So boyce is a little pig too-just like Gracie!:).She would eat anything!Enjoy your dinner,sounds good.Don't know where we are going to go as I'm not that familiar with that area.Haven't seen her in a long long time so someplace nice and cozy that we can stay awhile and chat.

Don't know why those pills would be so hard to get and they normally are very cheap.I just pulled them up on 1800 pet meds which is supposed to be discounted.For 30 pills,its 54.99...now,from what I've read,Grace would take 4pills twice daily for 8wks-cost would be about 960.00!!!:eek:Total disgrace for something that really should cost about 50.00!!I wish I could put her on my health insurance-they surely are our dependents!!

Well,off to take a shower and take her out for one quick walk before I leave.Have a wonderful evening and I'll hopefully see you and Trish early morning!(well,for me its early morning-you're in the middle of your day and poor Trish is just going to bed!).This site truly is from one end of the world to the other!:).

[Mel-Tia]

Hope you enjoy you dinner too

What a joke, must be somewhere else you can source them.. Maybe one of the girls will read this and have a suggestion...

Am usually up till late so may catch you when you get back if not defo in the morning

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxx

[Squirt's Mom]

Not sure but this may have some bearing on the doxy shortage. Last year the treatment for heartworms became unavailable - there is one company that makes it and they ran out of a certain ingredient that only one other company makes who was also out. The alternate treatment is Doxyclicline so all the pups diagnosed with heartworms over the last year or so have been given pretty hefty doses of doxy. Last I heard, the heartworm treatment is still not available so with a doxy shortage that's gonna be tough! :eek:

[Mel-Tia]

That explains it Leslie :)

Did a quick google for you

http://www.drsfostersmith.com/product/prod_display.cfm?pcatid=9638

100/100mg $25 not sure about shipping to you but that's a bit better. Says free over $49 but not sure where it comes from

Hope your enjoying dinner xxxx

[Mel-Tia]

Ignore that out of stock till 6th June!

Rubbish

50mgs come in on the 17th may. Will keep looking x

[Fellasmom]

Leslie and Mel
You guys are awesome!Thanks for all the info!I guess there are two different types(of course!)so when I called pharmacies today they wanted to know which one I was looking for,which of course I don't know till I speak with the vet.The Foster and Smith is MUCH cheaper than the 1800 pet meds,though I'm not sure which type they are.Thanks Mel!And Leslie,that makes sense why there is such a shortage,thanks for the info.Isn't is awful that now this same med that used to be fairly inexpensive,now has a huge markup cuz so many pups need it!:mad:.Makes me so mad!

When I get the script tomorrow,I'll start calling around to pharmacies,Foster and Smith to see whats available and the cost.Fella's loan is dwindling but at least it will help Grace now!:)

Dinner was very nice and great to see her.She just moved to a complex that allows dogs so she is planning to get a pup at the shelter in the next couple of weeks.She's so busy in work that I really haven't had a chance to talk with her,she just knew Fella had passed.Poor thing was sobbing at the restaurant as I was telling her what happened.Then she got me crying-waitress must of thought we were crazy-spent the first 15minutes there asking for more napkins so we could wipe our tears!

Thanks again ladies-you are the best!I'm convinced there isn't anything you don't know!:).So thankful to all of you-good night and speak with you in the morning.

[Trish]

The price of that drug is outrageous Patty, what a rip off. Some of those pharmaceutical companies are terrible with how they take advantage. Surely they just have to make more of them to keep up with demand. Makes my blood boil! :mad:

I googled Lyme disease and we do not usually have it in NZ, but vets are advised to look for it in imported dogs. So there you go, I have learned something today! One thing I do not have to worry about :D:D Hope Gracie comes right quick with treatment, you are very brave taking her in but I think that is actually going to give you peace of mind!

have a good day! x

[Mel-Tia]

Just checking in.

Hope all is ok

Just seen your post on sharlenes thread re fella and water. Another thing him and miss T have in common she would walk around puddles she taught Boyce how to do it too bless her, he is a bit better and will go in the sea for his ball (after years of coaching!)

Mel
Xxxxx

[Fellasmom]

Oh,thats too funny!-I was thinking of Fella and Tia avoiding puddles at all costs!:).He would hop if he had to,hated getting those little "feeties" wet.Grace,well she just plows through but I'm sure that doesn't surprise you!:D.Boyce is smart-gotta get that ball!:).

Well,I'll be busy calling pharmacies trying to track down that Doxycycline tonight.She actually gained 2 lbs since last month but did say she COULD be losing muscle mass(so maybe I'm not crazy after all!:D)She said give her antibiotics,watch her,repeat Lyme test and do another more specific titer test if she shows furthur symptoms.

She was so very sympathetic when I told her bout Fella and gave me support hotline numbers/groups.As we find here,its so refreshing to speak with people who actually understand the loss.

[Mel-Tia]

No that doesn't surprise me. I love that though. Makes me smile to think of her chucking herself about here there and everywhere.

And then our little precious intelligent ones who knew wet feet indoors are yucky!

I really hope fosters and smith have some otherwise you will be paying out bucks, which isnt fair considering this is actually for Lyme disease!

Did you manage to get a beach walk in today? Any more stolen balls...

[Fellasmom]

No beach today-weather was kind of cool and damp.It's impossible to get rid of all the sand that she tracks in,even when I think I've toweled her down pretty good.Here I am,feeling very guilty but at the same time so touched,that poor Grace and Buster have stayed with me downstairs this whole time.They always would be upstairs,even when I came home from errands,but not anymore.As we all went upstairs for the first time the other night,I thanked them for sticking by mom.I get upstairs,my bed is covered with sand!!:D:D.I laughed so hard.They've prob been up there the whole time,romping around,having a ball and then hear me come home,and rush downstairs and put on the sad mopey faces!:D.And mommy gives them extra treats because i feel so bad!!Dogs(and cats)are VERY smart!!:D

[Mel-Tia]

I find it for weeks afterwards from our summer holidays, sand does get everywhere!

Little monkeys know how to play us properly. I always wonder if they actually conspire together...

Any joy with her pills?

[molly muffin]

Oh that is just too funny Patty! Gracie and Buster have been having a blast and probably figure the bed is going to be all theirs now too! Like a big comfy play zone. Anything is possible in it. hahahahaha

That really sucks about the lyme medication. :( Did you find out what kind it is that you need?

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Sharlene and Mel
I know!I laughed so hard when I found all that sand!:D.They've been having a grand ol time for themselves!:D.I do think they conspire together-"hurry,she's gone-lets go upstairs and play!" and "oh,shit,here she comes,hurry,we gotta get downstairs and look sad so we get our treats!":D:D:D.They are characters but thats part of why we love them so much-they always make us laugh!:).Now Fella,being a mommy's boy would have said"I'm squealing on you both when she gets home!":D.

Sharlene-it was great to hear from you-hope Molly is feeling good and having a good day as well!Vet wrote out script only for 2 wks then wants to reassess.Just called Walgreens and they have it for 100.00.Now,why doesn't that make me happy?I thought I had a challenge on my hands:)-my first thought was...hmmm,did she give me wrong script or something,this was too easy!Double checked and its all good so I will pick it up tomorrow morning!Thanks for checking in and glad Grace was able to make you laugh!

[molly muffin]

Check Diamondback too

1-866-578-4420 not sure the price but they have Doxycycline if in stock.

ohh this is a good price comparison tool

http://www.bizrate.com/dog-supplies/doxycycline/

grrr, those are all sold out, but might be able to find out when they expect to get some in

http://www.universalpetmeds.com/medications/Doxycycline

http://www.allvetmed.com/Doxycycline-100-mg-p/DOSY100.htm

http://www.californiapetpharmacy.com/do1050co.html
This one has it in limited quanity but very expensive.

Wow, talk about a frustrating experience.

What about calling local pet pharmacy? There must be something :(

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[molly muffin]

Never mind I just saw that you found it for 100. at Walgreens. Yay! I'll tell you online is either a fortune or out of stock, check back in June. sheeezzzzz I was getting grey hair stressing for Gracie.

Yes Molly is doing good today. Had a good walk earlier. Now she is on her rug, not overly interested in much at the moment because it's starting to rain a bit. Less than impressed with that.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Just wanted to say hello and update you on the Doxycycline.I know it's not a med that you typically need,but you never know so I thought I'd pass it on.Needed Doxy for Gracie's lyme disease,was told it was impossible to find and cost a fortune.Well,apparently,thats only the case in the vet world.First try,Walgreens had it and never heard of a shortage at all!Two weeks duration for 240,but if you signed up for the discount program at 25.00,the med was 15 for a total of 40.00 today!Score!!felt like I hit the lottery:D.When does ANYTHING for our babies come at a discount!Thanks Sharlene for all your investigative work!Good to know if ever looking for a hard to find med!Thanks again!!And Sharlene,we are getting your weather today-dark,dreary,raining and the thunder is rolling in.My Kelsey used to be petrified,Fella was a little scared.Gracie??She used to sit at the big window and growl at the lightening!:D.Thunder?No problem,doesn't even phase her!:).I don't know where she came from!

[molly muffin]

Glad you were able to get the mess and at a good price too!! Well done.
My golden Tasha didn't mind storms either. She did not like to walk on wet grass though.

Hugs
Sharlene

[Squirt's Mom]

Let your vet know that you got the doxy and that it is the human AB - sometimes even tho the drug itself is the same, the human version will be a different dose for our pets. So let your vet know what you have so she can make sure of the correct amount for Gracie. ;)

[labblab]

Hi Patty,

I think you are lucky that you found the doxy at Walgreen's! As it turns out, the shortage was not limited only to veterinary pharmacies -- the CDC and FDA have been issuing updates regarding the total unavailable of doxy for human patients throughout the spring due to "increased demand and manufacturing delays." Looks as though supplies are starting to build back up again, but there may still be shortages for a while yet.

I also wanted to pop in to thank you for your sweet reply on my Peg's thread and also all the other kind words that you have been posting all around the site. Fella would be (rather, "IS!") so proud of you, mom!! :) :) I am sending many grateful hugs your way!

Marianne

[Trish]

Hi Patty

Sorry I have been MIA last couple of nights, don't usually get time to post in the morning being a late riser and rushing about getting ready for work! I have been pooped at work, stressful week there and I have been falling asleep on couch most nights, must be my winter hibernation mode kicking in, I just slept 12hrs!!

Glad you got Gracies Doxy sorted, hopefully they will work quick smart for her.

You having another weekend away too!!! Awesome, it sounds like Fella will be with you in spirit for sure with you going to visit his mates :)

Have a great time and see you soon! xx

[molly muffin]

Just so no one worries, Patty is off to NY this weekend. :) She'll answer when she gets a chance or gets back. hugs, Sharlene

[Skye]

I too have been MIA. However wanted to make certain I got on here and wish you a very blessed and loving Mothers Day.
Your an amazing friend, and amazing momma. Your love kindess and care reaches through the miles and the effect of that you may never know how impactful your words are.
for meds and supplies entirely pets, or maybe fosters and smith might have some items?

[Mel-Tia]

Mailed you but just in case you don't see it checking in here too

Are you back?

Mel
Xxxxxx

[Fellasmom]

Hello,
I'm back and exhausted!I tried to peek on here while I was away,but my cell is not the best!Though it definitely was not a vacation,Grace was happy to see her doggie friends as was I.We all lived in Long Beach NY for many years and only just moved back up to Boston a few years ago.My gf took over the apt there as the rent was very affordable and since I was moving to a smaller place,I left most of my furniture there.Well,hurricane Sandy destroyed the entire town.All my friends,co-workers and neighbors lost their homes,cars and all personal belongings.Seven months later and only 1/3 of the town has been able to return.So,my trip was to gather up a few items that were salvaged in the attic and to help a friend whose home was finally ready for move in.Very sad and depressing down there still!.

I've missed you all-haven't been able to catch up but plan on doing so tomorrow morning and write to my Fella.It was tough for him not to be there with us.All my neighbors and friends down there loved Fella and were so sad.Had a question bout Grace,but will ask tomorrow as I am exhausted-the traffic from NY to Bos is always a killer!:).Nice to be back and look forward to catching up with you and your babies.

[molly muffin]

Welcome home Patti! So glad you had a safe trip. Uck, traffic.
Oh that is so sad about the neighborhood. Sandy did so much damage, it is still shocking to even contemplate.
Hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Harley PoMMom]

Welcome home from me as well!! My heart goes out to your friends, gosh I am so sorry.

Love and hugs, Lori

[Fellasmom]

Good morning
It's good to be back!Have some catching up to do on here but hope all our furbabies are doing well.

Had a question for anyone here bout Gracie.Has anyone's dog experienced depression or changes after losing another dog?If you remember I was so anxious that she was sick,then I remembered the Lyme and calmed down a bit,but she is just not right,a big change in her personality since Fella is gone.

This might sound silly but it's almost like she is having an identity crisis.In our house,Fella was serious, the one in charge,dominant,and took care of his mommy.Think Gracie loved that because she was able to be silly,goofy,independent and have no expectations put upon her at all-Fella took care of things while she had fun.Now,she stays with me all the time,appears timid,out of sorts,does not appear to be happy,almost confused.She looks like she is sulking,when I call her name,often times she just stares ahead and doesn't even look at me.She does have her bouts of being silly still and everything else is good-poops,pee,eating-but she just doesn't feel comfortable in her new role of being the only dog here.It's like she's stuck being an adult when all she wants to be is a silly teenager!:).I've often thought of getting another dog sooner rather than later,to take the "heat" off of her,so that she can relax but not sure if that would make things worse.

Usually when we go to NY,she loves to see her friend Jelly-steals all his toys and wreaks havoc in my gf house.This time,never left my side,never even acknowledged Jelly-was afraid to walk by him and backed herself out of a corner and walked around the room the other way so that she wouldn't have to walk by him.Very strange and not her at all!I feel so bad for her.I keep asking if she could be sick,but I can't go THERE and freak out and the change did happen since losing Fella.Any suggestions?
Thanks!

[molly muffin]

Hello and so glad you are home again.
In answer to your question, yes dogs can and do experience depression. It is part of the natural process and every dog expresses it differently. Gracie might just need some time and I wouldn't hesitate to say, she also might need some other dog interaction. I'm not really sure, but rather than let her become too internalized in her grief of missing Fella and what is her role in the house now, some friendly doggy time might help her. She doesn't get to write to us after all. :( Poor thing.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[doxiesrock912]

I have a friend who's golden went through exactly the same thing after her mate died suddenly. They brought Bailey to rehab dog training classes and it did wonders for her! She found her new self and is a completely different dog.

Any training classes where she can interact with other dogs and get a confidence boost would be great for her.

Bailey had to learn how to be her own boss and realize that she could do it.

[Fellasmom]

Thanks Sharlene and Valerie!
It's going to be nice tomorrow so I'll get her over to the beach so she can have a good romp and play with the doggies there.I'll also look into some classes as well.Her best bud of course is Buster but I know she misses Fella and the whole dynamics of the house have changed.'

It's sort of funny because she doesn't leave my side but I know she is thinking"I don't want this job,I don't want to be an adult,I want to be a silly teenager again!:She misses someone else being the dominant one so she can fall under the radar and just be silly and "play dumb":)..They both are so sweet.It's just another example of how amazing and intuitive animals are.Even though I would rather her be silly and goofy,cuz that's who she IS,she feels it's her job now to be the protector and comforter and Buster now sleeps exactly where Fella used to on the bed and also on the couch when I'm watching TV.That kind of love is so hard to describe to others but is so endearing to us animal lovers.

I hope your babies are doing well.I had a very lazy day today and havent caught up yet.Thanks for your suggestions and thank you as always!
Love,
Patty

[Trish]

Yay your back, I have missed you too! Sounds like your weekend was a mixed bag, sad to hear about the Sandy damage. How awful for everyone. Poor Gracie her little world has changed from how she knew it, she probably does feel extra responsibility now that Fella is not being the boss! Does she have any jobs to do? Like Flynn always has to be first outside to check for burglars or cats :D, when we get home he does a circuit of the house to check all is as it should be. AND he is chief fly and mouse catcher (not that we have many, don't want you to think I am overun with pests!) Plus I always make sure we play and go through his reportoire of tricks each day. He likes having his little doggy jobs to do, gives him purpose :D:D.. She will settle down, just like us it probably takes a while. Nice she has the puss to snuggle with when you are away. That pic of them together is adorable!

Glad you caught up with your friends, so nice to connect with them like that! But I am also glad you are home to chat with us again :D:D Hope you have a good sleep and we will catch up soon xx

[Mel-Tia]

Hello

Checking in here too....

Hope your both ok??

Mel
Xxxxx

[Mel-Tia]

Hey

You ok? Had a shocker of a day, started with an escalation and just went down hill from there

How's grace today?

Mel
Xxxxxx

[molly muffin]

yooo hoooo Patti. Just though I'd check in on you and Gracie and Buster. Hope you are having lovely weather and getting out and about some.

What shocker Mel?!

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Hello
Thanks Sharlene and Lori for the welcome back and checking in.I hate to be such a downer,but I am so depressed!!I thought I was getting better but have just been sobbing the last few nights.I just sit in bed and look over at the spot where Fella would be curled up beside me.There's just no "good" way to die but my brain just can't accept that he was diagnosed and died all within 8 days.It is still shocking to me when I really think about the fact that he is no longer with usIt sees to be getting worse,rather than better..He was just gone so quickly.I'm grateful for so many things,mostly that he wasn't sick and that he didn't suffer till the end but his sudden death still has me devastated.

I promised myself I would talk with the doctor but I'm afraid of the answers.I can't handle if I hear something that may have made things different.I still go over that surgery and on one hand regret it,and then remember the blood clot.The only thing that would make that surgery a blessing would be if his spleen comes back malignant.A part of me feels I just impulsively gave him to a stranger and they killed him.It hurts me immensely that I loved that little boy so much and I feel like all the tests, quick decisions and surgery don't at all reflect my love for him.Hard to explain but an awful feeling.I guess it's just that he was never sick a day in his life and it's so hard to come to terms with the fact that within 8 days he was diagnosed with cancer and then died.Sorry for rambling here but thanks for listening!:)

[Harley PoMMom]

Dearest Patti,

I am so sorry you are having more bad days than good, remember it will take time and we will always be here for you, always.

It took my heart a very long time to heal after my precious boy, Harley, passed. Still to this day I find myself crying, but it doesn't happen that often, the bad memories of losing him are finally being replaced with the good and happy memories he and I shared. The happy memories are the ones I make myself think about and I try not to dwell on the "what ifs" "should haves" etc. It is hard, I realize that and I want you to know that we understand your pain and are here for you.

You loved Fella deeply and were the best mom he could of ever had, please do not forget that.

Love and hugs, Lori

[Bo's Mom]

My heart is breaking for you. I know the pain of losing one of our babies is always so hard and it seems like sometimes there is no hope of it ever going away. I think that it makes it so difficult to heal because we loved them with our core of our being. Time seems to be the only thing that will let us heal. My words can only be comforting and the people here are angels sent from above because they understand exactly what you are experiencing. But, we can't ever replace the love that you have lost. It is extremely difficult sometimes facing another day without our gentle babies at our side. Please know we are all here to catch the tears and wipe them away. Fella knows he is alive within you...and that love will never end.
Prayers and hugs for you my friend!!

[Bo's Mom]

I found this poem and it just seems so fitting...tears are still falling.

"We Little Knew”

We little knew that morning,

God was going to call your name.

In life we loved you dearly,

In death we do the same.



It broke our hearts to lose you,

You did not go alone.

For part of us went with you,

The day God called you home.



You left us beautiful memories,

Your love is still our guide.

And though we cannot see you,

You are always by our sides.


Our family chain is broken,

And nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one,

The chain will link again.

[Trish]

Hi Patty

Please give yourself permission to feel sad, depressed and angry! Don't expect you are going to be over it so fast, you wee Fella was such a big part of your life it is going to take a long time until you slowly swap over to remembering happy things and not the sudden loss you have gone though with him. I would put speaking to the vets right out of my mind if I thought it would make things worth.

I was reflecting on this tonight when I posted about Flynn, I truly believe if he had died and I had another dog in the same position and having surgery was his only chance, I would go for it again (that's if if he met the criteria for adrenalectomy as Flynn and Fella did). I really would, as I still think having the surgery even potentially having to face the sudden loss that you have is better than hanging on and waiting every day for that clot to break off. Maybe that is easier for me to say with my dog still alive but that would have been no way for Fella or you to live. So I think you need to stop the second guessing and the what if scenarios (although that in itself is part of the grieving process), stop blaming yourself but keep grieving the loss of your baby without any guilt as you did the best you could for that boy and I for one, would have done the exact same thing you did. As nurses we know all about the grieving process it was drummed into us at nursing school so I am sure you know as well as I do that everything you are going through is very normal... you are not a downer at all, you are going through a blardy tough time and I hope coming in here and talking to all of us when you are having a cruddy day will help with your healing.

Now what are you up to today? Hopefully it involves some nice fresh air and having a play with Gracie and Buster! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[molly muffin]

Hi Patti,

Oh I'm sorry you are having some bad days. It just hits you sometimes, we know that. Your bedroom was a special place and I think it hits you harder sometimes specifically there. As Trish said, today, do something happy with Gracie and Buster.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Hi guys
Oh,thank you so much for all your wonderful heartfelt responses to my post!Oh,Belinda,that poem had me sobbing!!But in a good way,as it was so beautiful!Thank you,thank you to all of you for caring so much!

I think the hardest part for me is that it was so sudden.Some days my brain just can't seem to catch up with what has happened.It's easy after the fact to second guess the surgery,and you're right Trish,because prob all of us, if told our dog could die from resp distress at any time or at best live about 2months OR have a surgery with a 80-90%success and be cured??Prob most of us would have the surgery.I worried about post op complications but no way was DEATH even a thought-he was,quote by doctor"the perfect surgical candidate and post op,was 3/4 out of the woods".Makes it so hard to come to terms with what has happened.

Now,I'm not fishing for birthday wishes here,just pointing out how fried my brain is these days.Turned my phone off to shut myself off from the world today and I had so many msgs when I turned it back on.Turned out it's my birthday today and I didn't even remember!:eek:.Too bad Grace couldn't fix me up a nice meal!:D.

I've been sort of isolating myself,even from here these days,which isn't good but I wanted to say again how much you all mean to me and your understanding means more to me than you will ever know.I need to catch up with all of you and your babies this wknd.Thanks again!!

[Harley PoMMom]

happy birthday, patty!!!

[molly muffin]

Oh My gosh Happy Birthday!!!!!!

You're always in our hearts, you and Fella and Gracie and Buster.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Bo's Mom]

Happy Birthday!!!!! I too share a May birthday and it will fall on a Friday this year. Fridays for me are difficult too because of the reminder it brings. But, please enjoy your birthday and I know Fella is watching you put a smile on your face on your special day.

[Fellasmom]

Happy birthday to you too Belinda!Friday's seem to be pretty hard days for alot of us!

[Mel-Tia]

Hello

Did you have a good night?

Just wanted to post so you know I am here. Trish is too :D

Mel
Xxxxx

[Trish]

Yes I see you sneaking in Patty, have a good sleep? Hmmm this is unusual time for you, is it late or early there? HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR YESTERDAY.... did you do anything or even have a tasty dinner, I guess your not much in the mood for celebrating considering you did not even remember it!!

[doxiesrock912]

Happy Birthday Patty!
Losing Fella in the way that you did was a shock...a HUGE shock. Every person handles death differently and you're going to have bad days.

When my mother died, we surprisingly had a nice Christmas that year without anyone breaking down (she'd been gone for two months). Now that this has sunken in and the warmer weather is here, my father and I find that we're missing her more than ever. I think that's because we did more things together during the warmer months and almost hibernated during the winter.

Time will help you to process the shock and the good memories will outnumber the sad times. We all need to express ourselves and go through the grieving process which is different for each of us.

It's when the grieving interferes with normal life and makes one unable to enjoy anything that we worry. You're not there :)

Give yourself time, don't blame yourself for doing what you thought was best for Fella, it surely sounds like you had no other options really, and you'll get to a better place.

xoxoxoxo

[Trish]

Yes, exactly Valerie. Are you there Patty, come talk to us... me, Mel and Valerie seem to be in chat mode :D:D We nearly covering the four corners of the globe right now with UK, USA and NZ :D:D

[doxiesrock912]

Isn't the internet wonderful? People don't realize what you can do online. The good things :)


I'm hoping that Patty is resting. Lord knows that we all should be! I'm running computer maintenance since I'm awake anyway (2:26am). Chris went to bed hours ago. If he knew that I were this upset, he would be out here talking with me but he needs his sleep.

[Fellasmom]

Hello Mel,Trish and Valerie!
When I was young,I just loved Cinderella(when I was young and not jaded yet!:D).So,Cinderella the musical just came out in NY,so my mom surprised me(sort of)and took me there for my birthday.We had a nice time and that is why I am up so late since I am just getting home.We topped the night off with a big fat piece of cheesecake but I loved the menu because the baby size cheesecake was called "the little fella"!!:):):).I would have gotton it just for the name but I am too much of a pig!.

I was thinking tonight as the date turned to the 19th,that Fella died one month ago today.How can it be only 30 days but feels like a lifetime ago that I looked into his eyes and held him?Strange that it feels like that.

Valerie,so sorry about your mom.Certain times of the year definitely reminds us more of our loved ones.Sometimes the shock makes us numb in the beginning-I think that's what happened to me.As the shock wears off,reality sets in and that's when the grief really begins(at least for me).

It's 230am,wide awake and I think I may need to put the coffee on.Wish you all were closer,we could share a cup!:)

[Trish]

I shouldn't be sleeping, only 6.30pm here :D

I am in the midst of cooking dinner, Flynn is ever hopeful and is lying over by the fridge hoping it is about to produce his food. I try feed him about 7am and 7pm to get his meds in him 12hrs apart.

This is fun for me, usually my hours are so different to everyone elses on here that I am on here on my own, or have it on in background while watching telly... so welcome to the night shift Valerie... Mel is often on this time to0 if she up early in the morning :D:D Tina was my other regular middle of the nighter, but she is sleeping better now, or maybe Jasper is so she does too!!

[Trish]

Yay here you are!! Oh but we are close Patty, put the jug on... I will have green tea with jasmine (its my only healthy food choice haha) PLUS I will have a piece of a BIG FELLA (cheesecake that is)!!

[doxiesrock912]

I'm being reeeeeaaaaally bad and ate 1/2 of the large Hershey's chocolate bars with almonds. Chocolate is comfort food for me:)

Tea with honey sounds like a great idea! Chris bought this tasty mandarin orange/ginger tea and I might just make some :)

[Mel-Tia]

I have to nip out and take the dog!

I take mine black and am not adverse to cheesecake for breakfast.

Truth be told I would eat dessert for every meal if it was allowed :D

I will be back soon

Mel
Xxxx

[doxiesrock912]

I love seeing plays in the city or just walking around in general doing whatever comes to mind. I miss when Chris worked one block from Wall St; he knew a ticket place where you could purchase tickets fairly cheap but the times that they were open to sell were when most people were still at work.

I would take the train and meet him and off we'd go!

Now he works 20 minutes in the opposite direction and drives. We haven't been to the city in probably a year!

Waiting for the mandarin orange spice tea to steep. I had the name wrong, no ginger.

[Trish]

I don't think there is a bad time of the day for cheesecake Mel!

I am baking a piece of pork for dinner, roast potato and salad. Flynn has fresh venison and his new venison and potato grain free biscuits.

I love going to shows too, have not been to one in ages unless you count the nutcracker on ice last year :D:D That was lovely of your Mom to plan that Patty, glad you got out for it!

[doxiesrock912]

Patty,

Cinderella has significance for me as well. When mom was first adjusting to her meds, she was a BEAR! Hollering for me to do one thing before I finished the previous and it was SO hard! Chris and I had only recently met and I vented to him like crazy- referring to myself as Cinderella and not in the good way.

For Christmas that year, Chris gave me a white gold, diamond dress sandal pendant and told me that Cinderella was now going to be a good thing because I'm his Cinderella :) We were engaged a month and a half later :)

Wow! Sorry for the rant. Chris also bought the movie where Drew Barrymore plays Cinderella. Rent it if you haven't already seen it. Very good!

[Trish]

Awww that's so sweet, I like this Chris of yours :D:D

[doxiesrock912]

Me too :)

I think that it was love at first sight for him, but I refused to believe in such things and held out for a bit longer.

Long term relationships were more like me, not getting engaged less than 2 months after meeting! It's been 4 years now.

[Trish]

Soooo.... when's the wedding?

I think Patty has fallen asleep on us... hope she turned the jug off and put the cheesecake in the fridge!

[doxiesrock912]

Trish, I won't marry him until I find a job. His ex wife took him for a ride that way, and I don't even want him to think that I'd do that.

There are times when I'd wished that we'd done it while mom was alive, but I lost my job shortly after we met. No money to plan a wedding and since I've never been married, I want a small one at least.

I don't think that's too much to ask.

Getting Daisy under control is the first thing though.


I hope that Patty is sleeping, crying takes so much out of you.

[Trish]

Yes I can see where you are coming from with that, financial independence is important to me too. I am lucky I have that, I just need the man!! Chris must be happy to wait for you until you are ready. Lucky girl and lucky him for having you ! :)

[Fellasmom]

Hello Trish
I'm so glad you have company tonight!(and me too,for that matter!).I'm sitting here having coffee,Grace across from me snoozing and Buster sleeping beside me.I am just amazed that Buster is now in the exact same spot that Fella once was!The poor cat because I prob did need to give him more attention-Grace and Fella took so much more of my time.Not sure if he needs more love or if he's in Fella's spot to give me more love!Either way,it's really adorable and sweet of him.

Good ol Flynny,sitting there waiting for food!I feed Grace around those times as well.Glad tests have been neg so far and yes,I was eating the leftovers from my big fella cheesecake when I read about the green poop:eek:,but that's regular dinner talk for us nurses!:D.

Valerie-I just read your post and I'm so sorry you're having so many worries about Daisy.Hate the worrying-can never sleep either.Hoping it's nothing serious and no furthur bloody poops-maybe it's something she got into/ate?

[doxiesrock912]

Our Gracie likes to sit where Daisy does sometimes. I think that she likes the smell of her which is funny because Daisy won't tolerate much more than a nose to nose meetup from Gracie.

Gracie waits at the door when Daisy and I are outside. As soon as she comes in, she lays one paw/leg over Daisy's back and it looks like she's hugging her.

Daisy shrugs it off and I feel so bad for the cat. She just wants to be friends but Daisy doesn't want to play with anything other than her toys.

It's almost 3:30am now, so I think that I'm going to try to get some sleep.

Thank you all for keeping me company :)

[Trish]

Haha Flynn is the same with the cat too.. she wants to be friends.. he does not, just tolerates her!

Nighty nite Valerie, lovely to chat! Have a good sleep and I will be on the lookout for poop report after work tomorrow, hopefully she will be fine when you get back tomorrow. Have fun at the fair! xxxx

[Trish]

Yep, takes a bit to turn a nurses stomach eh Patty haha. I forget sometimes that people do not have the same tolerance for poop stories.

I can handle pee, poop, vomit no problems but having to deal with sputum makes me gag!

[Mel-Tia]

Ok I have to admit. I can only really handle the poop and then only the good ones. I am someone who thinks ewww I am picking up horrible poo then I gag.

I got a bit better a T was sick a couple of times but not really. Have to bust out daddy for all the icky jobs :D

[molly muffin]

I am the one who deals with poop, vomit, whatever issues here. Hubby makes this gagging sound and practically runs out of the room. Hmmph. Now pee he seems to be okay with, so I think it is the smell that gets him.
When Molly had the runs so bad, it was a bacterial infection in the gastro tract and she had anitibiotics for a month along with the florafora. Daisy is already on that so, seems like she is going to need some kind of antibiotic or something to get her sorted out. Make sure she drinks enough because diarrhea can make their electrolytes get all out of whack too from dehydration. Might need to get some pedilyte to give her if that happens.
I hope today is a better day and Daisy starts to come around. Poor little thing and poor you too up worrying all night.

hugs,
sharlene and molly muffin

[doxiesrock912]

Still waiting for the IMS to respond to my email. Dad said that Daisy seems better today, I ask him not to give the Trilostane this morning.

Poor thing, I hope that we find a dose that works for her without diarrhea because the meds are working. Even the fur on her belly is trying to grow back!

I slept some, shortly after 4am I think.

It's raining a lot so I think that the fair is out of the question. Bummer.

[Trish]

Hi Patty
I hope you had a good Sunday and got out for a run with Gracie. Did you get the email sent today? Wouldn't mind raiding your fridge for that cheesecake right about now :D:D Talk to you soon, don't be a stranger... it's good to talk things out :)
xx

[Fellasmom]

Good morning
Yes,through alot of tears,I DID sent out that email.I basically asked him WHY he feels he ran into trouble?I asked him to clarify why only one vial of both steroids and anticoagulants were billed on the day after surgery,and I asked for the results of the biopsies.I did explain to him that I had misunderstood his explanation regarding the spot on the spleen and was quite shocked when I discovered that he had had a splenectomy!

If his spleen comes back negative,you are going to hear me screaming as far away as London and Austraila!:eek:.I told him how much Fella meant to me and how difficult it has been this past month.Sometimes our imagination and thoughts are so much worse than having things explained and clarified.Of course,it won't bring him back but I'm hoping SOMETHING he tells me can give me a small measure of comfort.

Trish-you would have loved the cheesecake!:D:D.

I have not been here as much the past week and it may seem as though I am feeling better and don't "need" you all as much.That is def not true!For whatever reason,the past week or 2 has been extremely difficult for me,think reality has finally hit home with me.I could just sit here and sob all day long but I've been forcing myself to "keep busy" doing things like gardening,taking Gracie out,watching mindless shows on TV.I'm afraid of having to life life without him,feel very lost so I've been trying anything and everything to NOT think about him so much,just so I can get thru the day.I'm praying that doctor can somehow make me feel better.As always,thank you for caring and love having all of you in my life!

[molly muffin]

Hi Patty, I'm glad you were able to send the email and I hope it provides some answers for you.
It's okay, you can be here as much or as little as you need to be. We'll be here for you always. We'll miss you when you aren't here but we will understand. It's okay.
hugs! I hope you are having sunshine and have a good day
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Mel-Tia]

Hey you

Checking in. I saw you sent the mail... Hope they don't make you wait ages for the reply

Work was mad again today which is why I wasn't in earlier.

Finished for the day now though so hoping I will catch you later

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxx

[Skye]

you have been thought of so much lately in my heart and just wanted you to know that.

[Mel-Tia]

Me again :D

Mailed you but checking in here too...

Another mad day but its over now and the sun has come out so am gonna take Boyce out now and hope I catch you in a bit

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxx

[labblab]

Hi Patty,

I've just read your heartfelt note to Fella on your other thread, and I wanted to share a thought. There may be many reasons why this is not the right time for you to welcome another furbaby into your home and your heart. But I hope you won't let the fear of disloyalty to Fella be a reason that stands in your way. :o

There can be no doubt as to the depth of your love and connection to Fella. No doubt from us, and no doubt from Fella. We all know that there is no replacing Fella in your heart. But a heart as loving as yours is able to expand to embrace another sweet spirit who needs a home. You will never, ever push Fella aside. Your heart will just grow even larger when the time is right.

That time may not be now, for other reasons. But I know that Fella would never want your love for him to be the reason that holds you back from saving another baby.

Marianne

[molly muffin]

Hi Patty. Oh Romeo sounds like a sweetheart. Only you know if you are ready or not to add another little body to your household. However, Marianne said it well, Fella should not hold you back. Being ready or not, is what you have to consider. You know how Gracie isn't just like Kelsey, it would be the same here. You'd just have to get use to a new member of the family. Do it for all the right reasons when you are ready to.
Your heart is huge and your love endless. I am sure that at some point, your door will find it's way open to another little soul, whether it is Romeo or another.

HUGS Patty!!!

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Hi Marianne and Sharlene!
Thanks for your input as always!:).Feel a thousand things and not sure if ever there will be a "right" time.Not sure if it's a good idea to get another when you're still deeply grieving a loss.But on the other hand,sometimes getting another is the only thing that begins to lessen the pain.Losing a pet is just so horrible,isn't it?They are here for such a short period of time.But boy,do they work double time in that short period-we feel like we have had them forever and can't imagine being without them!

Grace seems to be getting back to herself.She is just finishing up doxy soon so I'll have her retested for Lyme to see if she has improved.Still haven't heard from the vet about Fella.:mad:.Almost afraid of what he might tell me.A part of me wishes I just left it alone.

Wish I knew the "right"answer to this little guy Romeo.I did get an email saying that my references checked out and he is mine if I am still interested.I feel overjoyed and sick at the same time.I know I lop them all together sometimes,but having a new addition and the love and loss I feel with Fella are completely seperate.It's such a dumb feeling I have but it's like saying goodbye to Fella if I get another and I KNOW that's not true.This prob sounds like the wrong reasons to get another but I am desperate for this pain to lessen!I just can't go on with this emptiness in my heart that losing Fella has created.It just sits in my gut and the only way I think I can even begin to heal is to pour all that love into another.Sadly,I still sit here and think Fella surely will come back to me,he really can't be just GONE.

Thanks again for your input.Don't know that I'll ever know if it's the right thing to do.Love that he looks like my little guy so much-minus the freckles!:).And he loves to cuddle and be held-guess that's how he got the name Romeo:).Sweet dreams all and hugs to you and your babies!

[labblab]

Just wanted to pop back to tell you that I surely understand about hoping to find a way to lessen the pain. Again, I am not telling you that you should adopt Romeo right now. But it is perfectly normal to wish to fill the emptiness.

My Cushpup, Barkis, was my first dog. I was totally unprepared for the magnitude of my grief when he died. My husband and I were so drained from his illness that we first thought we would need to wait a long time before getting another dog. But our house was so quiet and empty, I could not stand it. I cried almost every single day at one moment or another. A puppy suddenly was available very unexpectedly about three months after we lost Barkis. We were not sure what to do, but decided to take the plunge. And that puppy was my beloved Peg, and my tears finally stopped the day we brought her home. Not because I missed Barkis any less, but simply because my focus was now on baby Peg and all the attention she needed.

If you are not yet sure about adding another family member, is there any way in which you could ask Romeo's foster mom to first notify you if somebody else also expresses an interest? That way, you'd be able to take some more time to decide but not at the risk of losing him in the meantime. But I don't know if that kind of arrangement is a no-no with fostering.

Either way, and if Romeo is meant to go to another home, I do believe things will work out for you, Patty. Your heart is so big and there are so many sweet spirits who need homes. When the time is right, you and your new companion will find one another. I do believe that will happen.

Marianne

[Fellasmom]

Marianne
Thanks for sharing such a wonderful story!We all seem to feel the same way when we lose a pup-that we just can't do it again.And then the unexpected happens,and it begins all over.:).How wonderful that Peg was put in your path and was slowly able to fill that void and emptiness.I don't think you ever know if you're doing the right thing at the time.Its only in hindsight that I can say thank God I found Gracie.At the time,I was deeply mourning Kelsey but Grace kept me busy and slowly I realized my heart was healing.I think I said it before,but my love for Gracie began with my love for Kelsey.All that love in our hearts just sits and waits till we are able to pour it into another.

That being said,I gave it alot of thought today and I'm all over the place.I feel immense guilt as it has only been 5 wks although it feels like a lifetime ago.I still am not at peace with the way he died and still have not heard from doctor-afraid I will feel worse with any new news he may give me.That surgery really did a number on my head and heart.Its those reasons that I don't know if I should even be thinking about getting another!But,when I think about adopting Romeo,my heart lifts just a little bit.I almost know Gracie will love having another as she loves to play and misses Fella.And he looks so much like my boy!She told me he was a sweetheart.The foster mom did say that several people had inquired about him but that a few of them just didn't sound like a good fit,and a few had small babies and she said she had no history of him with small children so she did not feel comfortable adopting him out to those who did.She told me about 3000 pups are euthanized each year,little pups who even have correctable illnesses as well as older dogs or dogs who fall thru the cracks as there are so many high kill shelters there.So,no,they would not "hold" him for me.I'm leaning towards adopting him.It can't hurt and I KNOW I would love him.Having him won't lessen the pain of losing Fella but it would add a breath of fresh air and life to our house that is desperately needed.If so,he would begin his trek up from Georgia next Friday and I would pick him up Sat evening at a designated drop off spot.Oh God,it really wouldn't mean I got over Fella so easily,would it?Cuz I love that little boy with all my heart and always will!:)

[addy]

No, it does not mean that at all, Fella lives on forever in your heart and always will. I worry about my Koko when Zoe leaves us as he has never been without her and cant stay home alone. So maybe you have to think about Gracie too and what is best for her. I also believe, Fella would not want you to cry and be sad, so sometimes, maybe we can think of it as honoring a memory by helping another in need.

Follow your heart and if it is meant to be, it will be.

love ya

[Fellasmom]

Hi
Addy-thanks for your nice message-that's a good way of looking at things and I know Fella would hate for me to be so sad.He would have been a jealous boy had I got another little one when he was with me.Poor Gracie and Buster-they had about 10minutes up on the bed and then Fella started patrolling and did his "aggghhh" till they got off!:D.He wanted his momma all to himself-I really miss that!:).

So,with a bittersweet heart,I have decided to adopt Romeo.:)I did alot of soul searching today and realized a few things.I KNOW I won't regret it-I love all animals-I could fall in love with Buddy's lizards but he might beat me to them!:D.I KNOW that I have to let some light and love back in this house and I KNOW Grace will love to have someone to play with.Her having to be an only child and a serious one just isn't her thing!:).I always knew I would get another someday and I think it will def ease the emptiness and despair I feel.I also KNOW that despite having another,I will prob never be truly at peace with how my baby Fella passed away nor will having another ever erase any of the love I feel for my little Fella.I didn't anticipate ever getting another so soon.I always hoped that I would just "find"one as I did with Fella,but those days have passed-I haven't seen homeless babies roaming in years,except one recently who belonged to someone.

I know I was drawn to him because he looks so much like my Fella!Now,Fella wasn't all that unusual looking but we could never fig out quite what he was..chihuahua-maybe,too big tho,pom-maybe,not furry enough,papillon-kind of same ears but not quite.And here comes Romeo looking so much like my boy,same ears,same fur,same little legs...all but those freckles!Those freckles are actually kind of homely but the more I saw him,the more adorable he became!He is 2 and was found found dirty and mattted and roaming the streets-can I say this again-same age and condition as Fella.:D.Now,I know he is NOT Fella but the resemblance just kept taking me back to him and his personality is what kept me there.He is described as a lover boy,loves to be held and cuddled-heck,so do I at this point,we will make a great pair!:).So,I pick him up next Sat evening.All the adopting moms/dads wait at this location for the doggie bus from Georgia to pull up. I second guess my decision all the time but I'm going to take the plunge.I know my heart need to heal and it's the only way I know how.I will still miss my boy every day but hopefully lil Romeo can ease that emptyness and lift Gracie's spirts as well.I think Fella would want me to adopt another little baby who was roaming the streets just like him.:).

[labblab]

Oh Patty, I am so touched by your post and so pleased about your decision!! :o :) :)

[Fellasmom]

Just one more thing because along with the joy,the guilt and feelings of betrayal are eating away at me!I will NEVER stop loving my Fella.I will NEVER be at peace with how he died.The love we shared will never be the same with anyone else.But it was SO great,that it has left a hole in my heart and soul.Its because of that great love,and the fact that I no longer have it,that I feel so much despair and emptiness.As Addy said,I will love another in honor of all of the love I have for my boy and that way,I will always keep his love alive.But I will still miss him and love him everyday.
Ah,very bittersweet emotions right now!:confused:.

[molly muffin]

Patty, love, you don't have to convince us. We Know how much you loved Fella and always will. There will never, ever be any doubt about that here. We're all animal lovers and understand the hole that is left when they are no longer with us and the desire to fill that hole and pass the love on.
I know you will be great for Romeo and it's wonderful for you two to find each other. You just found him in a different way than you did Fella. It all works out though.
We'll want pictures of course!
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Thanks!!
I did just post a few pics-he really does look so much like Fella!:).I'm easy-I love him already!:).And thanks Sharlene,the mixed emotions are just awful-I don't have to convince all of you-think I'm talking out loud to myself!:).

[molly muffin]

He's a little cutie. :)
hugs
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[kaibosmom]

Congrats on the new addition. I know it is hard to make that choice but you followed your heart. You are giving Romeo the loving home he deserves. Fella would probably be happy that you aren't so sad and lonely now. Hugs. Nikki and Kaibo.

[addy]

I think Romeo is the exact tonic you and Grace need. I understand how bittersweet it is but I know Romeo needs you and Grace.

Happy weekend to you and the pups:):):):):)

[Fellasmom]

Marianne,Sharlene,Nikki and Addy
Thanks for cheering me on in my decision to adopt Romeo.Leslie was a huge help as I had asked her a few things about rescues.I do not think there is anything she doesn't know!!:D.So grateful to her and all of you for your support and encouragement.

Was initially thinking of changing his name,as I wasn't too crazy bout it plus we like to come up with our own names.Was going to use Jackson as that was the peaceful town in NH that Gracie and I stayed when we first lost Fella.However,since he keeps being described as a "loverboy","lovebug" and a "darling who just wants to be held"....well,I'm warming up to the name Romeo!:D.Have awhile to think about.

STILL haven't heard back from the doctor-sometimes I think that might be a blessing as I decided I have complete faith in the connection Fella and I shared and I KNOW he was saying goodbye,despite whatever the tests may prove.I tell myself that if I don't hear from them,although annoyed:mad:,I may just "leave well enough alone". Its been 5 weeks today but feels like a lifetime that I held him.Hope that finding it in my heart to love another will ease some of that pain.Thanks again for listening and hope you are all having a wonderful day and a great weekend!!
Patty

[Trish]

Hi Patty

I was out last night, so not on here :) I LOVE ROMEO!!!!!!!!!! Who would not, looked at his pics and isn't it lovely to see them all out running in that field. He looks such a happy little chap and he does have a resemblance to our Fella :) How old is he? Awwww I think his name is lovely! Gracie, Buster and Romeo, has a great ring to it.

Now no feeling bad about replacing Fella, as I knjow he is irreplaceable in your heart :) That same heart is able to grow and fit one more little darling in there as well as keeping that love for Fella safe, just like you do for Kelsey.. so I know Fella is going to be most pleased to see more of a smile on your face!

The only one I am worried about is Buster, how is he going to be with another doggie in the house? I know when I brought Flynn home for the first time my two cats Simba and Nala packed their bags and moved out :D:D:D I had to feed them on the other side of the fence for a couple of weeks until they got used to the idea of having a canine member of the family, but I am sure you will do a much better job of introducing Romeo! Gracie is just going to be in love :)

Glad you have come to some sort of acceptance re the surgery, so lets see what they say when they get back to you :)

Can't wait for the homecoming! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :D:D:D

[Trish]

Hi Patty

How's it going? Bit too quiet on your thread for my liking!! Your not hibernating are you? Or have you snuck off with Mel for a few days break!!??!!

When is Romeo arriving? I cannot wait to see pics of him with you and Gracie and Buster! How exciting! I am very sure Fella will be approving of this new family addition too :) :)

We are having our first cold snap and it is not even officially winter for 3 more days!! It is FREEZING, southerly blowing up from Antarctica bring snow to the South Island and even a bit up here in the North, but not where I live fortunately. But it sure feels like it could be snowing out there. Every time Flynn wants to go out I ask him if he is sure haha... toooo cold! Even when he goes out, he gives a quick bark to scare off any potential cats, quick pee and zooms back inside! I have just made a hot chocolate and am dipping my gingernuts in to warm me up after a very speedy poop patrol :) If he wants to go out in the middle of the night, he is on his own!

Hope I see you soon, miss you on at night... just me and Kathy occasionally lately with Mel away as well!

Hope your OK and talk soon!
Trish xxxx

[Mel-Tia]

Hey

I Mailed you but checking in here too....

Hope you are all ok? Off to check out Romeo's photos.

Big hug from me

Xxxxxxx

[Trish]

Ok I am starting to get officially worried!! Haven't seen you in ages, I have to head off to bed now so hopefully we will have word tomorrow :) Don't make me come over there :D:D:D
Trish xxxx

[labblab]

Patty, I've just come from reading Monday's post on your memorial thread, and my heart is breaking that you are still feeling such guilt. I know that our words cannot change that. Your feelings are your own, and come from your own heart. But I do want to tell you what I believe, myself, in hopes you will find a way to be kinder to yourself. And this is what I believe. That Fella's last moments were but the blink of an eye in a lifetime of love. Right now, you are only able to focus on the last moments. But Fella's spirit is filled with the hours and days and months and years of love. It was, and is, his spirit that has always remained connected with you. Physically, you were separated at those last moments. But your spirits were connected, and he knew he was loved even as he was passing. In truth, at the time of his passing, he may not even have noticed had you been physically present. His mind and spirit may have been disengaged from the physical, and already moving toward the light. That is the way it seemed to me with my Barkis. Even though I was hugging him, I could see in his eyes that he was already looking beyond me. He was already beginning his passage and all I could do was wish him well in my own heart. The most important thing I could do was wish him well in my own heart.

So Patty, please be kind to yourself now. You wished Fella well with every fiber of your being. And you still do. And that is the most important thing of all. More important than being beside him during that blink of his eye. Your love is eternal, as is Fella's spirit. Every decision you made was in the hope of keeping Fella well. He never would have asked more of you than that.

Marianne

[labblab]

I'm back from walking Peg and Luna with one more thought to add. Now that so many years have passed and my grief is not so raw, I do sometimes think there is a rhythm to life that is beyond the ability of our minds to understand. Barkis' life was much shorter than we had prayed. But his passing may be allowing Peg to live longer. We would never have been her parents, otherwise. And I do fear that other owners may not have been able to handle all her problems when they came to a head when she was only six. Barkis was nine when he became so ill. Peg will be nine this fall, perhaps living on time that Barkis gifted to her :o.

I have said this before, but I do believe that love is a circle. If your plans proceed and Romeo joins your family this weekend, then you will be honoring the love that you and Fella share. And Fella's love will remain unbroken. And even if you are now reconsidering the timing of taking in a new little one, then the circle will wait until it is meant to be, and until your heart is ready.

Marianne

[Fellasmom]

It's been awhile since I've been here.I'm so sorry,I've just been so depressed about Fella.I just find myself "slipping away" and find it difficult to just get thru the day.I can't even look at a picture of Fella without sobbing-and THAT makes me sob even more.I can't write to him because it makes me cry too much.I think what has made me slip back its that I never heard back from the doctor.I had asked for clarification on a few meds and what the biopsy results were.
I have to figure out HOW to find closure in all of this.I check my email all day long praying I'll hear back and at the same time,dreading an email from them.Just don't know what to do with all of that.

The way that I lost him is so traumatic to me-I can't seem to get beyond it.I not only am grieving the loss of him but I'm also grieving HOW I lost him,which combined,is just too much for me most days.It will be 6 wks tomorrow and I have no closure.

I AM adopting Romeo.I pick him up Saturday evening in Rhode Island.I really am looking forward to bringing him home and can't wait for Gracie and Buster to meet him.Definitely will be an adjustment period!In spite all of the sadness that I feel,I know that it won't interfere with my love for this little guy.Well,thanks for listening.I have alot of catching up to do here-hope all of your babies are doing well and staying healthy!
Patty

[jmac]

Hi Patty,

I'm so sorry you're having a tough time, but I totally understand why. It was such a traumatic, difficult loss. I cannot even imagine how horrible that was for you. It certainly doesn't help that you haven't heard from the doctor. That is really unfortunate. Do you think you should try to contact them again? You do need some closure, and if that is what you need, then you have every right to push for answers.

I don't know what to tell you to help you get through this, or to make things any easier. I know I would be a mess if I were in your situation. Please know that I am thinking of you, and that all of us are here to help you grieve.

I'm so glad to hear you'll be adopting Romeo, and I hope he'll bring you some happiness and smiles right away.

Julie & Hannah

[Trish]

Phew will call off the search party! :eek:

Sorry to hear you are still feeling down though Patty, maybe flick the surgeon another email, or even call if you are up to it. Squeaky wheel and all that. It sounds like you need that followup to try and get some closure and to stop blaming yourself.

Ohhh two days until Romeo is home, so cannot wait to see more pics of the little guy! He is going to love your house :):)

Long weekend here, so I am at the start of a 3 day weekend for the Queen's Birthday! YAY! Hopefully will catch you on over the weekend sometime, please be kind to yourself Patty, I hate that you are sitting there in silence, come in and have a vent at anytime so we can help.

Trish xxxxxx

[molly muffin]

I agree with Trish, give that vet a nudge. You need some answers.
I too can't wait to see Romeos pictures and hear all about your new buddy.
HUGS, we miss you
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Hi!
Marianne,Julie,Trish and Sharlene-I just read all of your posts and am sobbing!Doesn't take much to make me cry these days!:).So much kindess and understanding here,it really touches my heart and is so helpful to me right now.Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I wanted to somehow reconcile my feelings about losing Fella in the way that I did and was relying heavily on what the findings were from the hospital.I'm really torn up about not hearing from them and not quite sure what to do.Part of me just says "leave it alone" and find my own closure,knowing my little one the way that I did.BUT,the side of me that is just about bursting with anger says-"I paid you over 8000,you had BETTER respond to me or I will hunt you down because he was my world and you will NOT forget him and you WILL at the very least,give me the biopsy results!:mad:.Guess I'm afraid of the answers so I'm hesitant to really push.How would I ever feel if they admit to a med mistake or if all the spleen and adrenal comes back negative?How would I ever find closure?Kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place-want to know but afraid to know as well!

I am getting excited about Romeo.I told Fella all about him,I think it would make him happy.A tractor trailer basically comes up to New England and brings all the pups to their adoptive moms and dads.It is kind of exciting-almost feel like I'm having a baby!:).I have his new collar and lead and new food dish all ready for him.I'll update you tomorrow night when I get home.

I pray I find closure somehow because the guilt is heartbreaking.I actually feel sometimes that maybe I never deserved Fella.That breaks my heart because I've always put my babies FIRST their whole lives.I don't have the peace that I had with Kelsey's passing.I have regret,shame,guilt and recurrent images of him lying in that hospital postop with all the tubes and blood trickling from his abdomen.How do you ever get past that and find peace?How do you ever get past those images?The tragic end to his life stops me from ever really getting to the good part,which is celebrating and remembering all our wonderful years together.I'm not a risk taker-a 50% chance I wouldn't have taken,but a 90%chance?A TINY 1.5 cm tumor,NOT in the vena cava,NO intraop complications,and he DIES?At the very least,I think the surgeon should have called to speak with me.Well,I'm really venting here,off in my own little angry broken world-sorry!

[kaibosmom]

Hi. Was just reading your last post. While I don't know the whole story (sorry, one day after report cards are done I can read more people's stories) I wanted to comment on the part about the images in your mind. I have not lost a pet that way but I have been with my grandma as she passed on after several days in palliative care. Those images were so vivid and heartbreaking. However, I remember someone gently saying to me, those images will fade and they will be replaced by the happy, healthy times. I believe that to be true for you too. It's a traumatic loss. It will take time to get over. You can't live with regret or guilt because you will miss out on the life that is here and now. You can drive yourself crazy with what ifs but the truth is, you can't change what has happened. So, live in the moment. Enjoy your new Romeo. Wishing you the best tomorrow and the days to come as you meet your new addition. Hugs. Nikki.

[Fellasmom]

Hi all
Well,just got the call to confirm that Romeo is just getting into Connecticut and will be in Rhode Island at 715pm.I'm hysterically crying and scared to death!If you only could see the long conversation I just had with Grace explaining the whole thing!:).Yawn,yawn,give me treats!:D.Fella has been my rock for all these years,been beside me in good times and bad.Such an incredibly lonely feeling that he is no longer here to welcome this new bundle of love.Such a bittersweet moment.Hope all goes well and at about 830pm tonight,I'll be opening my front door to Miss Grace and Mr Buster,saying "well,look who's here!"...praying it goes over well!Will keep you posted.Thanks!
Patty

[Mel-Tia]

It will be ok.

Post pics when you can.

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxxx

[Trish]

HI Patty HI Mel!!!! OMG How EXCITING!!!!!!!!! :D:D I just had to google the time in Rhonde Island and it is 5.20pm. So not long to go until Romeo is home!!! I wanted to have the time right to send the best of wishes for your first meeting :):) I literally cannot wait, I will be sitting here waiting to hear you both are home safe (well I might be baking Key Lime mini pies but I won't be far away :):)).... Hopefully you will get a chance to post that is, I think you will be settling the wee boy in!! I know this is bittersweet but drive safe Patty and greet Romeo with a big smile and a super patting and scratching from me!!

[Trish]

An hour till they meet... tick tock :D:D:D:D

[molly muffin]

I know I was trying to figure out how long till Patty and Romeo get homw lolol
It feels lile we are all getting a new ,ember of the family doesn't it :)
sharlene

[Trish]

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it is 7.15 in Rhode Island (I so hope my calculations are correct!), we have been waiting for you Romeo!! :D:D Your Mom is waiting for you with open arms and a big heart, you are one lucky little boy!!!


WELCOME TO THE K9C FAMILY OUR LITTLE LOVER BOY ROMEO, WE LOVE YOU xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Now don't go chasing Buster!!!!! xxxxxxxx :D:D:D:D:D

[Harley PoMMom]

Joining the others in welcoming sweet Romeo!!

[Fellasmom]

Awwww....I love you guys!!:):).Romeo is home!!:).He is adorable!!I had one hand outstretched to him in the back seat and he kissed it the whole ride home and then put his little face in my palm and fell sound asleep!

The big introduction went over perfectly.You would have thought they knew each other their whole lives!Gracie did a little sniff,sniff and then said come on,lets play!Buster was fine as well.He hissed when he first came in and that was it.Romeo,on the other hand,grabbed Gracie's bone and has been chewing on it since he walked in the door.He is VERY playful and Grace is loving it as you can see from the pictures.They are all sitting on the rug,Grace and Romeo with their bones and Buster just hanging out.Its as if he has been here forever!:).

He was very squirmy and I thought he was frightened when I was walking him but I'm realizing that I don't think he has ever been on a leash before!His paperwork has him picked up by animal control around 4/21.My Fella passed on 4/19.I'd like to think that as one baby's life was ending,another was just beginning.Very emotional bittersweet moments today but I am glad I'm a new momma!!Really missed my Fella during all of this as I always shared exciting news with him and ended it with saying"yah,fella boy"!!.Every time he heard those words,he would smile,wag his tail and sprint across the room or yard to show his excitement.

Romeo hasnt stopped playing since he got here-he's like a pup!It's gonna be a LONG night!:D.Thanks again guys-I came home and read your posts and it put a big smile on my face!
Love,
Patty

[Mel-Tia]

I fell asleep!

Are we home? All ok?

Trish - how did the pies turn out?

Mel
Xxxxxx

[Simba's Mom]

So happy for you Patty, Romeo is one lucky boy, enjoy your new addition, Fella is smiling from above cuz he wants his Momma happy:) and he will always be in your heart!

[Mel-Tia]

I knew they would all be ok (well wasn't sure about buster but I knew Gracie would be good)

I looked in your albums and can't see any pictures?

Sounds like he is already happy to be there and I love that he fell asleep resting on your hand.

Welcome home Romeo

[Fellasmom]

Thanks Mel and Letti
I just posted the pics now so they should be up.Mel,its 4am,what are you doing up so early on a weekend?I sure could go for some of Trish's key lime pies right about now!:).I'm pooped-going to try to go to sleep soon.Romeo is now in my lap sound asleep.:).Grace and Buster are beside us snuggled up together as always.I know Fella would be happy that another little one found a home but wish so much he was here with all of us right now.

Well,gonna try to get a little sleep before this pup wakes up again.He seems much younger than 2.Grace is loving having a new playmate but hope Buster doesn't feel left out.Thank you all for celebrating this new adventure with me.Hugs to you and your fur babies and thanks again.

[Mel-Tia]

No idea. Just woke up at 4 wide awake. Hate waking up this early. Boyce however is fast asleep, dreaming and twitching in his chair, snoring his head off. Lazy bones!!!

Glad I caught you though and love that he is already sleeping on your lap. Settling right in.

Is exciting to think of all the things you can do with him, he will be so loved and spoilt. will you be going beach tomorrow?

Fella would be pleased, am positive he sent him for you

Mel
Xxxxxx

[Budsters Mom]

The pictures of your Three Musketeers are adorable! It looks like they're going to be the best of friends!:) I can just visualize Romeo asleep in your lap with the other two cuddling nearby. Ahhhh;):)
Watching over all of you and smiling is Fella. Thrilled to see you happy again. :) He loves you so much!

Hugs,
Kathy

[Trish]

HI there!! Awww he is fitting right on in and looks so happy in those pics! Love him!! Where did he sleep? Did he sleep??? Did you sleep? Hope he is house trained? So many questions haha! :D:D Glad Buster does not have his nose too out of joint, love the photo of him cuddled up next to Gracie marking his spot for Romeo to see!! Hope you have a nice sunny day to get over to the beach for a walk. Poor little guy not being used to a leash, doggy training coming up for him... but in a house with so much love to share I bet he will take no time to train :)

Mel, the wee lime pies were very tasty, I surprised myself!! I even made crystallised candy lime zest peel stuff to go with them... pies were easy, candied lime darn fiddly but worth the effort :D

See you all later today, nearly bedtime for me, cup of tea first thought :D

Hope Romeo's first day at home goes real well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[molly muffin]

Yay, Romeo is home :) and just look at him, right in there in the mix with Gracie and Buster. They look like a pretty happy crew, just hanging out, chilling and playing.
Romeo sure is a fantastic looking little guy. I'm sure Gracie is pleased as punch to have someone at home to play with in a doggie manner. You know bones and stuff, that I am not so sure that Buster is interested in.
Your house just got pretty lively it sounds like. :)
I couldn't be happier for you.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Thanks Sharlene!
He is a funny looking dog-freckles everywhere!!Not sure what he is mixed with-they said chihuahua and pom,but of course that's just a guess.Yes,Gracie is thrilled!!He jumps up and takes his paws to her face and does the "bop"!:).That's all she needs to go into full play mode!Buster is just watching from a distance,taking it all in.

He had an accident in the house but I was expecting that as he very well may have lived outside for all I know!He did pee and poop outside this morning which is a good start however.His transition was smooth as can be.When I brought Fella home that day to meet Kelsey and Buster,it was pretty much the same,so I am lucky in that respect!He is going to have a bath today as he smells a little too doggy!He started his trek from Georgia Fri morning and didn't arrive till last evening so he is a little wiped out.Really a tearjerking moment was waiting outside the truck with a few others,waiting for their babies to be lifted out and given to their new mommies.Each and everyone of them,including Romeo,came bounding out and jumped on their new moms and devoured them with kisses!It was incredible to watch really.

Thanks for checking in-off to do a little leash walk training with Romeo,who is snoozing on the loveseat right now,making himself quite at home!:)

[molly muffin]

One accident isn't bad at all considering the journey, new home, new animals that he is taking in. Molly had several accidents when I first brought her home from the rescue. He's doing pretty good I think.
Ahhh, leash training. Good stuff that. :) It's wonderful that he is sooo socialized. Molly was never socialized up to her first year and she is still not good with that, sounds like Romeo though is very good with dogs, cats, people. Wonderful start.
Have a good walk.
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Scarlett'sdad]

Kathy got it just right, The Three Musketeers! A beautiful family, I am so happy for you!

[Fellasmom]

Thanks Sharlene
Yup,I thought it was pretty good too.I didn't realize that Molly was a rescue as well.I got Grace from a breeder and then just found my others or they were given to me.It was a learning experience for me to deal with a rescue as I had no clue as to how they work with other states,etc.What a wonderful group of people-would love to find the time to volunteer for such a good cause at some point.

Did they guess that Molly is lhasa and shi-tzu or did you get the DNA?I am so curious as to how he got those freckles!:).:)He def is socialized which was my main priority since I had Gracie and Buster.Fella wasn't at all so I'm always amazed that he took to Kelsey and Buster but hated everyone else!!:).Though he would surprise me sometimes and take a liking to certain dogs-is Molly the same?We are having a heat wave here,90's and humid-yuk!Leash training followed by a much needed bath!!Have a good day and hugs to Molly girl.

[labblab]

Oh Patty, I'm grinning from ear to ear!!! Romeo sounds like such a little Love-bug! :p :) :D

I couldn't be happier for you all (and I know Fella agrees!)

Marianne

[molly muffin]

Yes, Molly is a rescue from northern Quebec, so only spoke French when I got her. That was interesting. Considering they told me her name was lady, she didn't respond to that at all! I tried, Madame, Mademoiselle, everything before I just told her, that her name was Molly and to get use to it. LOL

She is much like Fella. She has her people she likes, mostly me and my husband a few of our friends she is good with and same with dogs. She has her friends and isn't interested in making any new ones.

I didn't have the DNA test done. They told me she was a shih tzu when I rescued her, but then she doesn't have the face of a shih tzu, or the hair, that is more llhaso coloring, texture and nose (face). Her height though is more in line with a shih tzu, so we figure it was a mixed breeding. I think I got the best of both with her. :)

Are you going to have the DNA test done with Romeo? Those freckles are soooo cute. I wonder where they come from.

Molly's nose is just a twitching today, as I'm making pulled bbq pork in the crock pot this morning and she is pretty keen on the aromas coming out of the kitchen. She's not wanting to do much jumping up today though I've noticed, so think her back legs is acting up on her. Some days are good, others not so very and then sometimes only in the mornings are they stiff and then she is fine by the end of the day. I just never know.

I was going to work with the rescue that I got Molly from, doing fostering for them, but Molly took great exception to the whole thing and didn't like any of the fosters in her space. After I had to find another foster for FiFi, (another little shih tzu rescue) I gave up on bringing any more into the house.

Have a great day. I'm off to back some rocky road cookies, which should get Molly twitching her nose even more! hahahaha

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

Animal Planet used to have a TV show about a rescue group and the pups were sent north in a big trailer and it would honk it's horn when it pulled into the parking lot and all the new families waited anxiously for their new adoptee to come out of the truck. So when I read this all, I could picture it so clearly, just like the TV show.:):):):)


I am so happy you are all adjusting so well and it is as Marianne wrote so eloquently about the circle of life. I know Fella is watching down, happy for you and happy for Romeo.

Just sending the biggest hugs ever to you and your new family and now I am a blubbering idiot so have to blow my nose and wipe the happy tears.:o:o:o

[Fellasmom]

Thanks Kathy,Larry,Marianne,Addy and Sharlene!Whew,what a welcome wagon for Romeo-we are blessed to have all of you in our lives.:).Yes,they are well on their way to becoming the three musketeers.Grace is so good natured-she let him steal all her toys till he had the audacity to try to steal her tennis balls!:eek::eek:.She put a stop to that immediately.:D.Such a strange feeling when you first get a new dog after losing one.Part of me is welcoming this little "stranger" who,with any luck,will be with me for many years and the other half glances over at Fella's bowl,leash,ashes and picture and it's like quick stabs in the heart.:confused:.Then the tears flow and my head screams "please come back my Fella,I'm lost without you":confused:.I do hope he is watching over us and I hope with the addition of Romeo,there will be more good days than bad ones.

Addy-you would have balled your eyes out last night.Same thing as on Animal Planet.2 trailers pulled in,delivering these babies to their new mom and dads..It was such an incredible thing to witness.These dogs came rushing out and just about jumped in their new mom and dads arms.Heck,I had tears for Fella,Romeo and every other sick baby and abandoned pup there was on this earth.

Romeo survived his first bath and is now sound asleep on the couch.I prob will get a DNA when he needs his next bloods drawn just because I am so curious where those freckles came from.What the hell,I'm 8500 in debt from my Fella,whats a few hundred more at this point?:rolleyes:.I'm pooped,Romeo has the right idea-a good Sunday snooze!

[kaibosmom]

Welcome to Romeo! It seems like things are falling into place and he is settling in to his new home! He's very lucky to have you. Enjoy getting to know him.

[Mel-Tia]

Hey

What a cheek trying to nick her tennis balls! Love that

How was he in the bath?

Is buster doing ok? I fell asleep this afternoon so now all out of whack!

Mel
Xxxxxx

[Trish]

Wow a settled night, straight off the bat. That boy knows he has found his home doesn't he!! This is such a heartwarming story, I love it! I would been howling too seeing those rescue dogs jumping into their new families arms off the trucks :):) What good people that organise that and find safe forever home for all the little lost dogs :):) DNA testing would be most interesting, wonder what he is.... well whatever he is the the cutest little ball of fluff :D:D. Now don't go knicking the tennis balls young whippersnapper, glad Gracie put him in his place there are some of the girl's things that you just don't mess with :D:D

[Fellasmom]

Hi
I just emailed the doctor AGAIN to ask what the biopsies results were and med clarification.:(:(.Hope he answers me this time and sheds some light and hopefully some peace in what has happened to my Fella.Losing him has created such a profound sense of lonliness in my life.Keep waiting for it to get better but the guilt always seems to creep back in.

Romeo is crazy!He desperately wants to be friends with Buster,who has decided this little rugrat is just much too hyper for his liking!:).Hiss,Hiss and poor Romeo still is relentless in his quest to win him over.:).Grace will play with him for short periods but has been taking all her balls and keeping them close,some between her paws and some underneath her.:).Romeo has found other toys to keep him amused in the meantime.He is very sweet.

[addy]

I hope so too, you need closure. Grief is so dang hard.:(

I think Romeo will win Buster over, may just take a bit. For everything Romeo has gone through, it sounds like he is adjusting remarkably well.:):):):):)

And Grace and Buster are being very, very good with the little one.:D

[Fellasmom]

Hello
Well,I have a question for you and needed your opinion,I just cannot wait any longer for furthur explanation from the doctors.Does anyone know if when a splenic biopsy comes back showing"proliferating spindle cells" that it is indicative of a malignancy?I googled and see scraps of info about them being benign but most of the info turning up is relating to "canine sarcoma".

I ask because it takes a CLERK in medical records to give me a morsel of information that I have been begging for the past few wks!I couldn't stand waiting any longer since the not knowing has caused so much heartache.I finally called med records to have the whole chart sent to me so that I could see for myself.Of course,she looked,saw that Fella had passed and that I was so torn up about the biopsy reports.She prob wasn't supposed to tell me but said this:

The adrenal mass came back as adrenalcorticol carcinoma.I'm just digesting that bit of news and plan to look it up since it was so tiny,that could have been and was removed quite easily.The spleen was the huge worry and she said it shows diffuse proliferative spindle cells.Now,that SOUNDS like cancer to me but not sure.Coincidently,my Kelsey had a mass that was successfully removed after 2 surgeries that came back as spindle cell cancer.But of course,it wasn't in her spleen.I'm praying for cancer at this point-how awful does THAT sound?:confused:.The resident is on a different rotation I found out so that is why he may not be checking his email but she did tell me to email the other doc who was there the day he passed and whose prob 90lb soaking wet body I almost crushed the moment he was dying.:).Any thoughts?thanks as always.

[labblab]

Hi Patty,

I am wondering whether this quote that I just found may give you some peace. Hemangiosarcoma is one type of spindle cell tumor that can arise in the spleen. But of the greatest significance to me is what the quote says about the danger of a splenic growth, regardless of whether it is benign or cancerous:


Visceral Hemangiosarcoma - spleen
The spleen is a large abdominal organ which while not essential for life, serves an important role to the blood and lymph functions. Splenic growths have the unfortunate tendency to break open and bleed profusely regardless of whether they are benign or malignant. While a splenectomy (removal of the spleen) ends the prospect of this type of life-threatening sudden bleed, splenic hemangiosarcoma is still a rapidly spreading malignancy.

When a splenic mass is detected, it may not be possible to tell prior to splenectomy whether or not the mass is malignant or not although testing will most likely be performed to attempt to determine this. It has been estimated that 25% of dogs with splenic Hemangiosarcoma also have a heart-based Hemangiosarcoma.

I just read elsewhere that often you will see absolutely no outward evidence of splenic growths until the catastrophic rupture occurs. Sadly, that is exactly what happened to one of my best friends. Her golden retriever seemed perfectly healthy when he went to bed. The next morning, he wasn't hungry for breakfast. Within an hour, he had collapsed at home and she rushed him to the vet for immediate, emergency surgery. But there was nothing to be done -- his spleen had already ruptured in that short amount of time. And she, herself, is a nurse so she is very attuned to watching for anything that could have been wrong in advance. There were no warning signs.

So I don't know whether this information will give you some peace. But I hope it will. The spindle cell pathology shows that there was indeed an abnormality that needed to be dealt with, and you couldn't have known about this in advance. And if Fella had a malignant adrenal tumor and a also tumor in his spleen, then there may well have been yet another unseen catastrophic issue, too. Or, at least, that is what I am thinking.

Sending you huge hugs, Patty, as you absorb this information. But I am hoping this may have finally given you the answer you were seeking.

Much love,
Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

Patti,
I hope the Three musketeers are settling in nicely. :) Romeo is a perfect name for such a little love bug. I am thrilled that he's joined your family. Fella loves you and wants you to be happy. He knows how much love you have to share.

Many hugs,
Kathy

[Fellasmom]

Marianne,
Thanks for that info-it was quite helpful.I also had a friend who lost her dog to a sudden splenic ruputure-just awful!My biggest heartaches were learning they did a splenectomy,wondering if one was necessary,realizing that the splenectomy added loads of complications,realizing those complicatons likely killed him and then hoping that at the very least,since he prob DIED from the splenectomy,well,then at least have it come back as cancerous.

I guess I won't know for sure until I send an email out to the doc but it certainly does sound like a malignancy,especially after reading your info.I know I wasn't strong enough in the beginning as I was so shocked,but it's a shame that I couldn't have spoken to them sooner as not knowing WHY he died has caused such an enormous amount of pain and guilt these past few wks.I may have more faith in the communicator,who,if you remember,told me that Fella was much sicker than anyone knew.And also would explain the crazy vibes from him so much earlier on.Thanks for the info as always!I'm going to send an email out today to the doc.

[Fellasmom]

Could someone please read this and give some feedback on your experiences with adrenalectomy's?I'm too emotional and confused right now...he keeps saying "in the vena cava" when the surgeon said they did not need to go near the vena cava.And his rationale for holding anticoags x24hrs also pertains to tumors in the vena cava because of the risk of bleed.I surely thought that it was an error when they only billed me for anticoags x1 the day after surgery but apparently not.I'm reading it as if they made a mistake and his death cold have been prevented but I don't even trust my own judgement right now...




Ms. Ward,

I have been very saddened to read your emails and hear how tough this terrible
experience has been on you. Fella was clearly such an important part of your
life and a cherished friend. Because our pets can be such an important part of
our lives and the loss so profound, we often recommend that if you are
experiencing continued grief it may be beneficial to you to consider contacting
a counselor or similar health care professional.

I am happy to clear up any questions you may have, as much as I can not being
Fella's primary caregiven following surgery. Let me try to address your
concerns starting with why you came to Tufts.

I first spoke with you on the phone in our emergency room. You were researching
a second opinion and looking for the best surgeons for Fella's recently
diagnosed adrenal tumor. Over the next couple days we confirmed the diagnosis
with ultrasound and a CT scan. There was indeed a tumor that had invaded not
just the vena cava, but also one of the vessels that flows into the vena cava.
After reviewing the images, Dr. Kudej was convinced that the mass could be
removed easily and the risk of perioperative complications was low. As we
discussed, there is data in veterinary medicine that a dog's life can be
prolonged to over a year if we remove adrenal tumors compared with a survival
time of about 60 days without surgery. I still believe that we attempted to do
the right thing for you and Fella. The tumor was surgically accessible and
Fella was in overall decent health. There was little evidence of a adrenaline
secreting (pheochomocytoma) tumor and on ultrasound the other adrenal gland was
small that could rule out completely function (meaning that it could have
secreted cortisol). Regardless, functional tumors that invade the vena cava are
often not pretreated for fear of bleeding prior to surgery. If the tumor
becomes smaller with treatment there is "room" around to tumor to hemorrhage.
Hemorrhage from the vena cava could be fatal. Treatment postoperatively
sometimes can include steroid supplementation (not always necessary since the
other adrenal gland kicks in pretty quickly). Fella's biopsy confirmed a class
of tumor (adenocarcionoma) that could (but not always) produce cortisol. The
tumor was not a pheochromocytoma and didn't require any additional pretreatment
prior to surgery. Hydrocortisone (a steroid) was given with the first 24 hour
period (that night) in the event we had removed a functionally secreting tumor.


Anti-coagulation can be considered for patients that we feel might be at risk of
having a clot or have developed a clot that we want the body to dissolve. I did
a test prior to surgery called a thromboelastograph that showed that Fella was
not systemically predisposed to forming clots. Because of the need to occlude
and open the vena cava we do not give anti-coagulants prior to surgery. Usually
we will wait at least 24 hours after surgery before starting an anti-coagulant
for many reasons, for instance if we are worreid about post op bleeding because
of incising the vena cava. During surgery, because Fella was doing well we did
recommend removing the spleen. The nodule (mass) we had seen with ultrasound
and CT was much uglier with the naked eye than with those imaging modalities.
There was concern from our surgical team that it could be a malignant tumor.
Removing the spleen can be associated with complications, however, the
complications are infrequent and rare. The most concerning complication that we
can have is clot formation in the portal vein which is life threatening. On
post op ultrasound we were not able to see a clot in the portal vein, however, a
good view of the vein was not obtained. Classic congestion of the mesentery
(veins in the belly) and massive amounts of effusion (fluid) was not seen either
which could indirectly suggest a portal vein clot. I do not think that Fella
had a portal vein clot or PVT. The tumor diagnosis in the spleen was likely to
be curative with splenectomy (oncology may have recommended chemotherapy in
addition).

I know that the loss of Fella was heartbreaking. Only knowing him a couple
days, I was very fond of him as well. Our veterinary nurses were also dismayed
with his decline after surgery.

I personally feel that the decision to send Fella to surgery was the right
decision at the time. However, his unfortunate decline after surgery was
devastating.

I am truly very sorry for your loss.
I hope this discussion has given you some closure.
My sincerest condolences. Let me know if there is anything else I can do.

Jonathan Babyak

[Fellasmom]

This is the msg I recieved from the doc who was with me when he died.Ideas or thoughts?



Hi Patty,



I wanted to let you know that I have gotten your email and I have also
touched base with Dr. Babyak. I am currently working for the next 8 days, but I
promise that for both of us addressing your questions and concerns is of high
priority. I know that Dr. Babyak is already working on a response to you, but I
will take a look at things closely as well and get back to you.



I know how much Fella meant to you and how he was such a big part of your life.
I can't imagine how hard this must all still be for you.



I have not reviewed everything in completion, but the spleen was a type of tumor
that had the potential to spread. It is called fibrohistiocytic nodule
(intermediate grade). These can be benign and not require any follow-up
therapy, but intermediate grades sometimes do need follow up chemotherapy. We
will look into this further. The adrenal mass was an adrenocortical
adenocarcinoma (and based on his clinical signs, non-functional).



You can expect to hear from us further, but I wanted to respond with something.



My deepest sympathies,

Meghan Respess

________________________________
From: patty [kelcielb@aol.com]
Sent: Wednesday, June 05, 2013 9:11 AM
To: Respess, Meghan J
Subject: Fw: Fella

[labblab]

Patty, if you requested a copy of Fella's complete medical record, an operative report ought to be included that should document each step of the surgery. That should tell you with certainty as to whether or not the vena cava was involved. Once you've had a chance to review that report, you may want to email the surgeon directly if the info contained in the report does not correspond with what he told you verbally. It seems as though he may hold the key to your uncertainty and confusion as to what happened that day.

Marianne

[Mel-Tia]

I mailed you back, are you ok??

Will be up for around another hour, hope I catch you before sleep xx

[Trish]

Hi Patty
I have had a good read through these emails and I guess what is worrying me and you is he has not given a good reason for the cause of Fella's decline. Maybe that will be clearer after you receive a followup email from Dr Respess who I presume is the ICU Dr?

If it was not a blood clot in the portal vein then what was it? I know you were told they did not go into vena cava, but wouldn't they have had to go into some vein to pull that tumour and clot out that was reported on the CT that you told us about below and also what Dr Babyak (is he the IMS?) mentioned in his email, maybe not the vena cava but some other vein leading from adrenal gland to vena cava otherwise I cannot see how they got the small bit of tumour and clot out that they saw on the CT.


.Doc just called me with results.Fella does have a very small tumor but a tiny tiny piece of it IS in the vena cava.And that tiny tiny piece is surrounded by a tiny clot.Probably why all the confusion with the US and why they needed to have a CT done.The piece of tumor in the vena cava is 4millimeters with a 4mm clot around it for a total of 8mm extending into vena cava..

I went back through Fella's thread and you mentioned this below, I agree with Marianne to get a copy of his operative notes to see just what they did that as it does sound different to what Dr Babyak is telling you now, I got a bit confused with his email though as some of it he was talking hypothetically and relating info from studies etc. In some places I was not sure if he was talking about Fella or not. He has not actually said what they think caused his bleeding, where did that come from? If not the portal vein that he mentions. Have you asked the surgeon for their opinion on what happened.


Just got the call-they got the whole tumor and blood clot out thru the vein.Never had to go into the vena cava and no bleed during the procedure!

I think he has given you a good explanation of the use of anticoagulants and steroids for Fella and I think that sounds very plausible and I do not think they have made a mistake with that.

It sounds like it was going well and so they decided to go ahead with splenectomy based on what they saw during the surgery, noting it looked ugly so thought it best to remove it.

You know from reading these emails I STILL think you have done the right thing by Fella. It sounds like a lot of thought by his team was put into preparing him for surgery and I can see why they proceeded with the splenectomy although it did increase the overall risk, imagine if they had to go back in and do it at a later date.

I think once you get the report from the ICU Dr about what happened postoperatively and hopefully clarification from the surgeon it will all start making a lot more sense even though the ending is always going to be undeniably tragic. Big hugs for you tonight as you keep on processing this information.

Trish xxxxx

[Fellasmom]

Hi
This board has been very busy lately so I apologize for still being stuck in all of this 6 weeks later!I was convinced that with furthur clarification from docs,I would surely be able to put the pieces together and find closure.The biggest fear I had was that they had made an error and that error had led to his death.And I also needed to understand WHAT went wrong that caused him to decline so rapidly.Unfortunately,nothing of what they have communicated provides me any comfort.It just seems to be a bunch of mumbo jumbo explanations to cover their asses and is very noncommittal.No wonder why I am still confused as to how he died-all his references point to great labs,good candidate,successful surgery,splenectomy complications rare and infrequent-he lists everything Fella did NOT have-well then,I still ask-HOW DID HE DIE?.I may be just not processing this or that my suspicions are inhibiting me from realistically understanding what he is telling me.

After reading his comment"Fella was to get fragmin within 12hrs",I looked up the surgery online.Almost all that I see speaks of risk of clots,pulmonary embolism.Some speak of anticoag before surgery,during surgery AND after surgery every SIX hours.
During surgery,they clamp the right renal-Fella had a clot on his right renal.All that I looked at about fibrohistiocytic splenic nodules list them as benign with cure being splenectomy and occasionally chemo is recommended.So,I guess I'll never understand how he died.Everything points to survival,even in HIS email.The anticoag really concerns me as I don't understand why he wouldn't have recieved it more freq-especially since he respiratory arrested 12hrs after surgery.I don't know how to process this in a way that it will provide any closure but I know that I could email them a thousand times and I will still get back "we don't know" and just quote statistics.Medical records will mail me a simple report listing labs,findings,etc.I thought it was interesting that if I wanted the whole chart,then they mail me out a release and THEN it goes before the board at Tufts,just to "make sure chart is in order and completed".Yeah,right-just so everything looks good on paper.I am so bitter,certainly not the way I would expect to feel 6 wks later.I'm left with the same feeling I had the day he died,they killed him.I will never find closure with those feelings.

There are so many sick pups here and although,I haven't commented recently all that much,I have been reading and praying for each and every one.I've taken up so much of your time since I first came on and I feel awful about that,plus the fact that it has all been doom and gloom.When someone has a moment,maybe you could offer some insight or direction as to how to find closure.Thank you.
Patty



To:

Kelcielb <kelcielb@aol.com>



Date:

Wed, Jun 5, 2013 4:32 pm



I will do my best to answer your questions.

The way that I would answer this (use of anticoagulants) is by just addressing
some of what we don't know if veterinary medicine. The use of anticoagulations
(eg dalteparin, enoxiparin, heparin) is not routine in veterinary medicine. For
instance, anti-coagulants are almost never given following orthopedic surgeries
in veterinarian medicine compared with human medicine. Dogs don't get deep vein
thromboses like people do. We also can't comment on the incidence of
thromboembolic disease in veterinary patients, much is still unknown. Often
patients on anticoagulants still can have significant or unresolving
thromboembolism. There are no studies in veterinary medicine to date that
compare the morbidity/mortality of any disease (with the exception of immune
mediated hemolytic disease and this a hotly debated paper) with and without the
use of anticoagulants to prove their efficacy. What we do know is that the use
of anticoagulants can lead to bleeding. What we don't know is if this prevents
clot formation. Clot formation is not only associated with hypercoagulability
(which Fella was not) it is also related to endothelial dysfunction (SIRS is a
major contributer) and flow dynamics. Fella was scheduled to get Fragmin (a
fractionated heparin) dose within the first 12 hours post op provided there was
no reason for a second laparotomy.

The tumor was extending into the vena cava. The tumor had not invated the wall
of the vena cava. The tumor was within the lumen of the phrenicoabdominal vein
and was able to be removed cleanly. The vena cava still needed to be sutured
closed and occluded for a period of time but a piece of the actual vena cava did
not need to be removed.

The stroke that occured within the right kidney could have been arterial
thrombus or venous (not clear from the ultrasound report that they could tell).
Only one kidney is needed for appropriate urine output so my guess is that both
kidneys were affected. I wish I could comment more on what was the ultimate
cause of him declining, but I would only be speculating because I didn't examine
Fella on the 19th and was heartbroken to hear that things had gotten bad so
quickly. I was actually out of the hospital until later in the afternoon.
Perhaps Dr. Respess can weigh in on this point. I'm sorry I can't comment on
that aspect of Fella's care more.

Again, my sincerest sympathies.

[labblab]

Gosh Trish, good job on going back and reviewing the history of the procedure. Because now, Patty, upon re-reading your original comments about the procedure, they really don't seem to me to contradict what Dr. Babyak has described. The tumor and the clot did invade the vena cava, so technically the vena cava was involved. But the physical removal was made through the attached vessel.

So I agree with Trish. Up to this point, the info makes sense to me, as do the decisions about the steroids and anticoagulants. The remaining question is, what is it that went wrong later on...

Edited to say: Patty, I wrote this while you were adding the reply above. I'll try to look at it soon and comment.

[Trish]

Is that email from the surgeon Patty? So they did go into the vena cava according to that, well they must have incised it to remove the clot etc but they did not have to take a piece of the vena cava out which is what they must have meant when they initially spoke to you. Thats the same as what they did for Flynn's vena cava involvement. It is good they clamped the vena cava, my surgeon said they did that above and below to make sure no clot escaped duing the removal.

Re the anticoagulation... I can understand why they did not give those drugs right at time of surgery or even in the few hours after it. In humans we give anticoagulants postop to prevent DVT and subsequent PE and from their email it does not sound like that is such a problem in dogs. There is obviously a risk of bleeding with adrenalectomy, vena cava incision and splenectomy so I doubt they would want the blood to be too thin at time of surgery as it would make the bleeding very difficult to control. I know in major surgery in humans we often stop a patients anticoagulants ie warfarin and aspirin a few days before so they do not bleed too much at time of surgery but then put them back on something afterwards (like that night) to prevent DVT or clots from whatever problems they may have been on anticoagulants in the first place eg atrial fibrillation, DVT or some other clotting problems. I know Flynn's surgeon did not give him anticoagulant at time of surgery for that very same reason but he was put on daily Fragmin postop which I gave him for about 5 days following surgery. I hope that helps.

Bleeding and subsequent haemorrhage +/- clotting would be one of the major risks of this surgery, I know it was explained to me as a big risk when I was signing the consent forms, I was told it can happen and it can be fatal. I think what could have happened and this is purely speculation on my part as I obviously was not there... is that Fella has bled from somewhere either the vena cava or splenectomy sites and when he has bled it has clotted and gone to his lungs causing the respiratory collapse and then also blocked off his kidneys. So it must have been a fairly significant bleed. I do not think earlier use of anticoagulant would have stopped that from happening, if they had given it too him it could have potentially made the bleeding much worse and he could have bled out. But lets see what the thoughts are from the ICU Dr. It sounds like he needed the splenectomy Patty, the visual they got during surgery counts for more than a scan result and it was intermediate grade so could have caused problems.

Do not ever think you are taking up too much time here, we are with you for the long haul Missy!! However long it takes to get a clear picture we will be walking right along beside you trying to help work it out. I need bed.... see you tomorrow xxxxx

[Fellasmom]

Trish,
My God,you are very thorough!!:).And I know it was very late for you to even be online so I thank you!!I guess what first thru me off was the tone of the email-it was written so generically as if it were cut and pasted from a med journal-I want to know about FELLA.But,looking back,he sort of had that flat dry demeanor but I did sense compassion when we spoke in person.This is NOT from the surgeon.This is from one of two ICU residents who knew him best.I have a hard time wanting to even speak to the surgeon as he never called me afterwards(and I DO think he should have)and he was never present for any of it after the surgery was over.

There was some confusion about involvement in the vena cava from the get go and then it was determined that it was the clot that looked as if it were just suspended there,a tiny amt equalling a few mm.I KNOW the surgeon said,"it went great,never had to go near that vena cava"-THAT to lil ol me,meant no sutures,no entry but he may have just meant that he was successful in pulling it thru the vein and did not have to do a major entry into vena cava or remove piece of it.

Seems like there is such a fine line tween bleeding and clotting.I can understand none before surgery and intraop-though most of online search does list that.In Fella's case,doc didnt want blood clot to dislodge plus spleen is a very vascular organ,so I understand that.Trish-was Flynn only on daily fragmin while in the hospital as well?And yes,it does appear as though he started bleeding and then clotting which ultimately prob caused his cardiac arrest but I would like the other ICU doc who was there to comment.

The splenic nodule did sound nasty and I most likely would have agreed to remove it.Even the splenic node histology is not 100% benign or malignant.So much speculation particularly because I always thought that when I recieved the results that it would clearly show evidence to me that Fella wasn't going to make it,even if he had survived that surgery.I needed that splenic nodule to be malignant to somehow make sense of his death.

With the exception of them making an error,I really dreaded what it apparently is looking like-"Fella,despite tumor being tiny,no other risk factors,preop labs perfect,no intraop complications,splenectomy complications rare and infrequent,splenic nodule technically benign-is just one of the 10% who didn't make it".Impossible for me to find comfort in that right now or ever.Tragic end to a beautiful life.

For some reason,I was positive that when I recieved all the results and communication from them,that there would clearly be evidence that he was going to pass anyhow,even if he had survived the surgery.It's disappointing that although I was given alot of info,alot of it was generic and the info pertaining to him listed all the things he DIDN"T have wrong.

[Fellasmom]

Oops-disregard that last paragraph obviously-cutting and pasting myself!

[Mel-Tia]

Hey there. How you doing?

[molly muffin]

Hi Patty, I've read the emails and Trish's reply. I don't think you could actually have a better person to look them over, as she has gone through this with Flynn and is very aware of what they do and what the risks are too.
It does sound like, yes he needed the surgery, yes he needed the spleen out, and he is one of the few that clotted and that is very bad, and usually as it was for fella, not survivable. :(
I'm sorry that these correspondences and the medical papers aren't making you feel any better. I really don't know if there is any answer.
How is Romeo and Gracie and Buster doing? Hope they are having a grand time together. How much longer are you off work? and most importantly, who will you be leaving in charge when you walk out the door? Pick wisely!
We always tell Molly, okay, we're off, you're in charge, but no driving the car or wild parties while we're away. :)
I hope you have a good night and many cuddles with your bunch.
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Trish]

Hi Patty

I think about you a lot during the day, I hate to hear the distress in your voice and I have been thinking about what to write to you tonight so here I go... brace yourselves everyone it will be a long one! :D

I think after reading the emails and posts I agree with the following: Yes Fella needed the surgery based on the histology of adenocarcinoma of the adrenal gland. I agree with their use of medication, I have read the studies too Patty and the use of anticoagulants is controversial with no studies confirming the benefits or disadvantages intraoperatively or immediately postoperatively either way. I totally agree with not giving it before or immediately after, like they said if they had to go back in further bleeding would have been catastrophic. Veterinary medicine like human medicine is not an easy science as you know, so they do the best they can based on the current literature. I would not have wanted Flynn coagulated at the time of his surgery.

I have a very critical mind when it comes to our babies and I did go through the risk of bleeding with my surgeon before Flynn's surgery. He was on daily Fragmin, sorry but I am not sure how soon after surgery that started but I gave him the injection myself the next afternoon when I had him back at the motel. I knew blood loss during the surgery could kill him and of course I was worried sick. This is why before the surgery I asked myself IF he died during/after surgery could I live with myself and come to terms with it even knowing these risks were present going into surgery. I write my list out for any new members who are considering surgery for their dog (not sure if I did for you as I was away at the time) as it really helped me make my decision whether or not to proceed. My rationale when considering a potential sudden death was what would happen if I did nothing and cancelled the surgery, the answer to that was he would have died in the not too distant future and get very sick along the way VS a quick death during surgery which he would not know much about. I knew it would be worse for me than it was for him but it was a risk I was prepared to take. To me it was a no brainer, I would would much prefer he die while we gave him his best shot at a cancer free future. I know your probably thinking that is all very well in hindsight and my dog did not die, but I have to tell you I was prepared for it to happen.

Patty I do not think they are trying to cover their butts, if I was you I would appreciate all the effort they are putting into providing you with the rationale for their choices on medication management. I feel from the tone of their emails that they are upset too with the passing of Fella.

But like you I would really want to know what actually caused Fella's death. Where did he bleed from? I think that is hard to tell without an actual autopsy, he said on the postop ultrasound they could not see any obvious point of concern. So what happened and I think that is what is torturing you. I think he just bled from somewhere and that is what caused his problems.

I think the splenectomy did add extra surgical risk to Fella, while I can understand your distress that the histology was not a high grade malignancy there was still enough worry there for the surgeons PLUS the visual they had of the tumour for them to proceed with the splenectomy regardless of the eventual path results. Flynn's surgeon also checked out a splenic and nodule on the other adrenal during the surgery but luckily for us nothing struck him as needing to come out at that time. I really wish Fella did not need that splenectomy but I can see why they did it. Would he have died if they did not do the splenectomy, we will unfortunatey never know that.

Unless the ICU Dr or the surgeon come up with some other explanation from what I have read so far as gutting as it is I do think Fella has fallen into that unfortunate group of little darlings that just do not make it through this risky surgery. I am pretty skeptical at the best of times and believe me I would tell you if I thought anything was dodgy, but I am just not seeing it here in the replies you have received Patty. I am disappointed your surgeon has not been in touch with you yet, he should have been.

Patty, you have every right to be as upset, angry, critical as you are. There is absolutely no set time to be moving past that, you need to deal with it in your own time. Have you got someone around you to talk about all this? Sometimes sitting down face to face with someone and working through how you are feeling and how you can start moving forward with Gracie, Buster and your new little sweetie Romeo is helpful. But never fear we are here and you can rant all you like with us sweet!!!! We are not going anywhere and you had better not go back into your shell or we will hunt you down :D:D:D Sorry this is so long, but I type as I think haha, confusing being me isn't it :D:confused::D:confused::D ... hope it helps xxxxxx

[kaibosmom]

What a well written and lovely response Trish. I agree with your comments and insight. I'm hoping you have been enjoying Romeo and that you can soon move forward with some peace of mind.

[Trish]

Patty, how are you and how is new wee Romeo doing? Has Buster decided to be nice to him yet? It sounds like Buster has made himself Gracies right hand cat and the interloper is going to have to prove his worth!! Did Buster get on with Fella? He seems to absolutely love Gracie and they look so cute snuggled up together in the pics! ... I caught up a little on Molly's thread but be nice to see an update on here!! I see you are heading back to work soon, ouch.. hope that goes well! xxxxxx

[Fellasmom]

Hi Trish
Oh how much I miss those"middle of the night" sessions with you and Mel!!And one night,there was a whole gang on here if you remember.

Well,lets see...Romeo is giving Buster some "quiet time":D and playing more with Gracie.He bites her-sort of takes his teeth and tugs on her fur and she loves it!!Buster and Grace haven't played together as much lately I"ve noticed but I think they just can't get a moment together without Mr Romeo butting in!:).Once Romeo is in the crate for the night however,they do find one another and snooze together for a bit.Fella and Buster had their moments-they would chase each other all over the house-it was hilarious.But then when I lost Kelsey and Grace came,it sort of switched a bit.Fella and Gracie became playmates but only when Grace was a pup-once it was obvious that she was growing and was going to be a "big dog",alpha dog Fella who hated anything bigger than him,had no use for her and she was promptly dumped!:D.And that's when Buster picked up the slack.It was during that time I think that Fella really bonded with me-I became the only thing he wanted.Up until the last days he passed,he did NOT like that Grace and Buster were sharing "our"bed and would very freq chase them off,especially if they were playing!:).Though he was very protective of Gracie on our walks.Guess he had the attitude like"she's family,I can bully her once in awhile if I want to show who is boss,but don't YOU dare go near her or I'll kill you":D:D.

What a relief at the vet yesterday.All those awful feeling lumps on Gracie came back as just debris filled cysts.I know it was alot of anxiety from Fella,but they do feel awful and I just didn't know how I was ever going to handle more bad news.Not good is that Grace has gained 5-8 lbs since Fella passed.And her momma,probably the same!I guess I have been "feeding" our grief and loss a little too much!:).

Yes,going back to work Wed and not happy-was hoping I would win the lottery.Had I not been paralyzed with grief,I would have invested some time into finding another job during this time off.I am tossing the idea of doing travelling nurses again.:)I miss NY and ever since Fella died,it really hit home just how alone I am here up in Boston.

I feel bad that Romeo needs to be crated when I'm not home and at night but the little bugger can not be trusted!!:D.He is like an awkward pup,falling into things in all his excitement and I'm afraid he is going to hurt himself because he is so clumsy!:).Even when he poops!He is so clumsy and silly that while he is pooping,he is backing up constantly and ends up stepping in his own poop almost every time!!:D:D.He is quite the character and I do love him already as does Gracie!Buster is going to be a "work in progress" much to Romeo's dismay!

So nice to hear from you-hope Flynn is feeling better and that he is eating without difficulty.I will catch up on his thread today.Thanks so much for checking in!!
Patty

[Trish]

tHi Patty
So pleased to read that Gracies bumps are nothing to worry about, what a relief for you!! And it was very brave of you to head back to the vets as I know you were not keen on that. What happened about the lyme disease problem?

Your three are working themselves out, sounds like Gracie likes her grooming and fur plucking from Romeo! She has her own little beauty therapist :D I bet Buster will mellow to the new addition once he gets to know him better and feels more relaxed, it took my cats ages to accept Flynn when he arrived as a crazy 6 month old!

Fella sounds like he was like the protective big brother to Gracie, but also wouldn't put up with any carry-on from them either haha, typical keeping them in line like that :) what does Romeo get up to at night, I thought he was sleeping on your bed, not in the crate? Does he cry in there?

What does the travelling nurses involve??? You can "travel" to NZ and come work with me for a while, I could do with another pair of hands!

Be looking forward to hearing how the first day of work goes tomorrow, bet your not looking forward to it but the bills won't pay themselves will they! Have a good day Patty xxxxx

[addy]

I get so many magnets from various humane societies. The other day
I was looking at the magnets on my fridge and one is a heart which states ' I Love Romeo".:D:D:D Dang if I can remember where I got it from but I thought of you right away.

I hope going back to work is not too traumatic for you.

Sending lots of love

[molly muffin]

Checking in to see how you are doing the first day back at work.

Hope all is well and your furbabies adjusted alright.

hugs,
Sharlene and molly muffin

[Mel-Tia]

Hello

Just bumping this up in case you don't see your mail. Everything go ok on your first day back?

Mel
Xxxxx

[Fellasmom]

Hi!
Addy-love that you have an "I love Romeo" magnet!:).My gf also made me smile cuz she said that her father and his friends go to dinner weekly and call themselves the "Romeo" club-Really Old Men Eating Out!:).

What a shock to my system going to work last night!It was wonderful to see some of my co-workers and I burst into tears because in the middle of the night,I went into my cubby to look for an extra pen,and I found a laminated blown up picture of my Fella!Apparently,one of my coworkers who also was an animal lover and switched jobs during the time I was gone,put it in there for me before she left.:):).

Well,just finishing up my "morning" coffee and off to work I go.Romeo did NOT appreciate the fact that I was not home last night despite having a dog walker come in twice.Seems he had quite a little tantrum for himself and ripped his blanket in his crate.I hope to get him out of the crate soon,but he is just too clumsy right now and Buster needs the break!:).Thanks for checking in and hope to catch up on the threads tomorrow and over the weekend.
Patty

[Budsters Mom]

Glad to hear your first night back at work went okay.:) I hope finding Fella!s picture in your locker was a nice surprise. Yes, I agree, Buster does need a break from sweet little Romeo:D It's probably better that he's crated for now. Those little buggers can't be trusted when they first arrive.:D
Hugs,
Kathy

[Trixie]

Patty- I am so behind the eight ball on everyone's posts but honestly how did I sleep through the news about you welcoming Romeo?! I just looked at the photos and he is so adorable! That group photo from his foster day care place was so cute...what a sweet group of dogs were there.
Love reading about his antics and how his siblings Gracie and Buster are taking to him.
Sorry it took me so long to catch up on your news, I'm happy you have a new little one added to the mix!
Barbara

[molly muffin]

Awww, that was so sweet of your co-worker. So sorry that this one left while you were away.
That Romeo, definitely doesn't like you Not being home with them I see. I'm sure he'll eventually be fine, just it's all a big change in his life from where he was to where he is . Stock up on blankets for the crate in the mean time. :)

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[goldengirl88]

Seems like you are going to have your hands full with Romeo, he is quite the character. That was so nice of your coworker to put that picture in your cubby. God Bless
Patti

[Fellasmom]

Hi everyone!
It's so nice to come back and see so many of you have posted here!Thanks for thinking of us!:).I picked up a few extra shifts at work(gotta pay the vet bills:)) so I haven't been around for a bit.Boy,could I have gotton used to not working-but someone has to pay the bills around here!:).I am so far behind on all of your babies but I think about all of you so often and hope all is well with both you and your babes.

I love Romeo to pieces-yes,Barbara,I kinda snuck him in,so no wonder you didn't realize!:).He is such a good dog and so easy going-just loves everybody and everything.He now plays with Grace all day long-she is loving it!:).Buster is feeling a little left out as Grace has dumped him.:eek:.I'm hoping since he is becoming more tolerant of Romeo,that he will jump into the fun soon.

Little embarressed to admit this but I decided to see a grief counselor about Fella.As difficult and hearbreaking as it is,I can come to terms with losing him.I just can't for the life of me,come to terms with HOW I lost him.It haunts me day and night and can easily bring on tears,anxiety and pure emptyness.In theory,I know all the reasons for my decisions but boy,losing him the way I did,the pain that is left is just impossible to even describe.So,hoping the counselor can help me work thru it as she too is an animal lover.

Anyhow,just wanted to say hello-hugs to you and your babies.Hope to catch up with all of you in the next couple of days since I'm off.
Patty

[addy]

Sweetie, I'm glad you decided to see a grief counselor and there is nothing to be embarassed about. You are probably suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and you cant deal with that alone. There is no doubt in my mind that I will handle Zoe leaving me without some kind of counseling. Mel and I will go with you and wait in the waiting room for you so you aren't shy about it;)

I'm so glad to hear Romeo is getting along well. He is super precious. It was meant to be.

BIG hugs sweetie

(((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))


P.S. You arent going to believe this but Zoe just got her Kong stuck on her lower jaw and I could barely get it off. I had visions of running to emergency with it hangin off her mouth. YIKES

[molly muffin]

Patty! Great to hear from you. :) So glad that Romeo is having a great time with Gracie. Buster will eventually come around. How long can he stand to see them playing and him not jumping into it too. :)

I think grief counseling is a great idea. Nothing to be embarrassed about at all. I think you are very smart and brave.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Budsters Mom]

Patti,
Seeing a counselor is nothing to be embarrassed about. When Buddy goes, I'm going to need the whole fleet working double time!:D I'm not kidding! I'm proud of you for taking such a big step in your recovery. You are very brave! Buster probably thinks the dogs are nuts! :eek: he'll come around in time.:)
Hugs,
Kathy

[Trish]

Hi Patty
Glad to hear you survived your first week back at work. I bet you would rather be home with your babies. Glad to hear things are settling down for Romeo and Gracie at least, poor Buster does not sound like he is liking the changes but I'm sure he will be getting used to it with time.... I hope Gracie is still sleeping with him though as those pictures of the two of them snuggling are too cute!

I too am pleased to hear you are working through things with Fella's passing, it is going to take quite some time I think. That wee man was so special, I love hearing your stories about him so please keep them coming because his life is sure worth sharing :) I think you are very wise Patty, sometimes we need to take a step back and talk to someone who is a little removed from the situation to try and get some perspective on it all. Good for you for taking that step to help with you healing as painful as it may be, I sure hope you can soon put those awful final memories to bed and replace them with all the good things about the life you shared with Fella and I know there are tons! Thanks for popping into Flynn's thread, I really appreciate your support xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :)

[Fellasmom]

Hello all and thanks!
Thanks for your support about the counseling.I hate loss of any kind but usually manage to get thru it.I just can't seem to accept that I lost him this way.Whats made it much worse is lack of support here.In many of the threads here,alot of you refer to your dogs as "they're all I have" and that few understand or even ridicule the way we feel about them.Well,that is exactly how I feel and Fella's death went completely unacknowledged by my brother.He knows him well and knows what he means to me.Not even one phone call.I recently told him that I was hurt that he didn't reach out to me and told him Fella was MY family and I felt like I lost a child.His response was a message on FB to me:

Fella was not a person,he was a dog.I'm sorry that you need to be coddled.I recently ran into friends of mine that I havent spoke to in over a month and they did not need the coddling you apparently need.Frankly,I was busy with school and the kids and didn't have the time to worry about a dead dog.Stop creating drama and trying to make me feel guilty because I don't.He was a DOG Patty.

Those comments have hurt me deeply and may likely sever any relationship I have with my brother,his wife and their children.Have any of you experienced this?That's why I'm so thankful that I have all of you and my friends in NY.It's very difficult to go thru this with no acknowledgement from family.Well,thanks for listening!!
Patty

[labblab]

Dear Patty,

I cannot tell you how much it saddens and angers me to read your brother's hurtful note. It is his loss that he does not understand the connection that is possible between a human and an animal companion. But over and above that, to write such a harsh and hateful note to you is unforgivable. Pardon me, but what a total jerk!!!!!

It is often said that we cannot choose our family, but we surely can choose our friends. And by doing so, we have the power to create a new and loving fellowship for ourselves. So I am doubly and triply (is there such a word?) glad that we are your k9cushings family. We all understand and we all lift one another up -- yourself included, with all your warm and supportive notes to others. It is obvious that your brother has no idea what the word "support" means. What a sorry life he must lead to be so callous.

On the other hand, you have had the courage to open your heart to the gifts that your Fella gave you so freely. As the others have said, I am so proud of you for finding a counselor who will help support your grief work. By doing so, you are acknowledging how important Fella is to you, and how much it hurts to have lost him. That is the mark of a sweet and tender relationship that deserves to be honored.

I am sending you many hugs today, Patty. We are here for you, and here we shall stay!!

Marianne

[addy]

ditto from me:):) Exactly what Marianne just said.

But I know it still hurts.:(:(


You lost a member of your family. The pain is real, so is the trauma surrounding the circumstances. Sometimes brothers can be jerks. I know, I have an older one. Obviously, you struck a sensitive chord for him to lash out so.

More hugs sweetie.

[Budsters Mom]

Patty,
I have so called family members who think exactly the same way as your brother. "Jerks" is too nice of name for them. The word that comes to mind starts with an A and is another name for a donkey!;):D No one in my family understands why I spend so much energy and money trying to keep a dying dog happy and mobile for as long as possible. They don't understand the bond that we have and I feel sorry for them. They will never know that kind of love. The only help/support I get is from all of you. I am appalled that your brother had the audacity to actually put that in writing.
Huge hugs to you my dear,
Kathy

[Fellasmom]

Hi
Thanks Marianne,Addy and Kathy-sometimes you just need that validation that YOU"RE not the crazy one!My brother and I have always had a good relationship so I wasn't at all prepared for his response.Fig he would just say sorry,he meant to call sooner but he was so busy or something like that!Kathy-I put an F in front of your A and repeated it over and over in my head.:D.

The reference to Fella as "the dead dog" deeply offends and hurts me and is so unbelievably cruel that I'm not sure that I can ever forgive him.I may sound like such a baby but to have gone thru all of this alone has been so difficult.Had I been living in NY still,I would have had a gf coming with us to the hospital,listening to all that the doc had to say,asking questions of him and just BEING THERE for us.We all had dogs and it was a community in which we all lived a block or two away from each other.We would just routinely meet each evening for our walk and it was such a good feeling to be surrounded in life with people who love dogs as much as we all do!They loved my Fella and cried right along with me.It was so much fun living there-once my gf dog,Zachary,turned 15,she started having b-day parties for him.We would have a barbecue and drink Zachary Daquari's and there would be more dog than humans most years.:).

Well,thanks for your input and support as always.You now understand,after seeing my brother's response,how truly grateful I am to have all of you in my life and for all your support.Thank You!!
Patty

[molly muffin]

How appalling. I'm so sorry Patty that your brother said this sort of thing to you.

I totally get that not everyone understands some bonds between humans and animals. That's okay, even though it is their loss. If they had a pet, then the bonding was there for them to accept or push aside

What I can't accept and won't accept is that if you say you love someone, if you are someones friend, then you don't say such hurtful things. Even if You don't understand it, you accept and support because you Do care about the other person.

I just find such words, very hurtful and useless, and completely unnecessary.

It sort of sounds like he has his own issues of insecurity if he is unable to be a supportive friend/brother. He's not 5 any more for petes sake. Sheezzz

So just look at him as a sad sack who is not able to be giving in nature and know that he is missing more than he'll ever know while you are embracing the love that comes your way, even if with love comes pain. Life is a journey and yours is as full as you want it to be Patty. His will always be missing a little something extra until such time that he can see that giving love and support, is a gift freely shared, that cost nothing, but pays back a 100 times more.

Hugs Patty
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Trish]

"Unfriend" that fool of a brother Patty!!! :mad: That will teach him! Man that makes my blood boil! #%@^!!!!! Hope you can read that last comment :D:D Honestly, why do some brothers lack the sensitivity chip!! Mine is somewhat the same, the little shites :mad: My way of dealing with him now is to keep it polite around the family as I do not want our disagreement to upset Mum and Dad but no more phone calls etc until he sees the error of his ways. Mine lives 4 hrs away so we do not see him much anyway. Just a DOG ?!?Well he is just a brother and Fella had more love and sweetness in him than your brother is showing!! Chin up sweets, we are here for you!! xxxxx

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Patty,

My brother, Mark, is my best friend as well as brother...but MAN he makes me soooooo mad at times I could chew nails! I can't begin to count the times we have locked horns over animals - mine and his. Mark has been of the ilk that "animals are dumb creatures put here to serve us" - man is "to have dominion over animals" period. Over the years, Mark has seen me devastated over the illnesses and deaths of my babies, every one, every time...and he knows it is a sincere reaction. He has watched me sacrifice everything for my babies, for love of them, over and over and over. He gets so angry with me because it is more important to me to be home with a sick baby than go sit in the hot sun and watch a baseball game. He cannot understand the depth of my connection to my babies but he knows it is true, as real as it gets. Thirty years ago, he would have been acting just like your brother but as the years, decades, have passed and he has watched me with my babies, his babies, foster babies and others who come to me...and he has mellowed a great deal. I have seen the tears silently falling from his eyes as he shoveled dirt for a grave for one of their babies or one of mine. At times, I think he is torn between being the tough, strong, stereotypical male and showing that he really does have a soft side. It's funny - all through the years when something happened, Mark is the one I turned to. It didn't matter that the last time I turned to him we ended up in a screaming match because he was so seemingly cold - I would call him again and again when needed.

Mark still makes me mad to this day and we still tie up, probably always will - but when push comes to shove, Mark is by my side and I by his. His attitude toward my connection with animals and his thinking of them has mellowed over the years and he has a bit more comprehension. It thrills me no end that he no longer uses rat poison around his place, that he thinks now to make sure there is fresh water for the outside dogs instead of believing "God will provide", that he understands the horses needs cover from the weather - such little, simple things to many of us here but they indicate a huge change in Mark. My sister-in-law has even been talking to me about good feeds for their babies! SHOCK!

As angry as Mark has made me, and still makes me at times, I can't imaging life without him. I hope you and your brother can heal this rift and go on to grow together as Mark and I have.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Patty,

Losing someone suddenly, unexpectedly whom we love so deeply is like throwing a light switch off. All the light is suddenly gone and we are left in total darkness with no sense of direction. As we slowly adjust, we find we are living a black and white silent film dubbed in a foreign language. We can usually tell by watching others what is expected of us and we go through our acts, plodding along, our character dull and lifeless and out of step.

Have you ever been digging in the ground when water stared seeping into the hole? The deeper you dig, the more water comes into the hole. The Prophet Kahlil Gibran talks of sorrow as digging a well in to our Souls; the greater our sorrow, the deeper the well. But, just like the water that starts to fill the hole in the ground, Gibran tells us the deeper the well left behind by our sorrow, the greater the capacity of that well to fill with compassion, empathy, joy, hope, peace, and love. Even as our sorrow continues to burrow, these traits can begin to seep into our Souls.

Sometime our healing begins yet we don't recognize it. Our pain is too fresh, the wound still gaping and raw. Often we don't recognize the path our healing has taken until one day we look around ourselves in surprise, wondering how we got here...yet knowing it is exactly where we are supposed to be.

You see, I am also one who carries and raw, gaping wound from an unexpected death. After nearly 7 years, I am beginning to accept that I will never know the answer to the question, "why?" - my child's life simply ended. For two years my world had no color, sounds were flat and hollow. Still today, I cannot tell you what occurred during those two years. From the moment of that phone call to the moment I heard the word, "Cushing's", I simply played my role in that black and white film.

Almost three years later, I am driving down the highway on my way to St. Louis to pick up Brick and bring him home when I look over at Trinket laying in the seat. Feelings of such immense joy come over me that I was chosen to be her mom, of what a gift she was in my life - when I felt the presence of Crys, my Pit mix who had died a couple of years earlier. I "heard" Crys telling me that by loving Trinket and Brick, I was honoring her. As time has passed, I have come to realize that not only does Crys have a hand in these babies I am drawn to, so does my daughter.

One day, Patty, I believe you will look at little Romeo and hear Fella say to you, just as Crys and Gia say to me, "Even tho you did your very best, you couldn't save me but you can save this one." In hearing those healing words like a balm for your Soul, a little more joy, a little more hope, a little more peace, a little more love will seep into your Well, continuing the healing of your Soul.

You are right where you are supposed to be today, honey, and you are never alone.
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[Trish]

Hi Patty
Checking in to see how your week is going, I hope some nice things have happened to leave a smile on your face :) Hopefully I will see you some time over the weekend, don't think I will be going far with the foul weather we have at the moment! How's the kids doing? Talk to you soon :) xxxx

[Mel-Tia]

Thinking of you, hope to hear from you soon

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxx

[Trish]

Hi Patty

Any news from you? Hope your doing OK and the babies are all good. Be good to get an update sweet, I worry about you when you go all quiet! xxxxxxxx

[goldengirl88]

Patty:
Thinking of you and saying a prayer that the counseling sessions are helping to ease the pain in your heart. Blessings
Patti

[Budsters Mom]

Patty, just dropping in to check on you and the three musketeers. I hope all is well. :) Has Buster been able to join in on the fun? Big hugs,
Kathy

[Mel-Tia]

Hey you

I hope you are ok and just taking some time out. Mail me when you can

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxx

[addy]

Kind of quiet on this thread. Hoping you are okay.

[goldengirl88]

Patty:
I haven't heard from you and I am hoping that you able to manage your grief somehow with the help of the counselor. I feel your pain and wish I could take it away for you. God Bless
Patti

[Fellasmom]

Hi
Not sure who to ask but could someone change something in this thread title.I haven't been able to ask until now but everytime I see the words"Fella is gone" it feels like a knife in my heart and brings me back to the day he died.Can't think right now of a perfect phrase that sums up all the love I feel for him but how bout "my sweet little boy has passed".I just hate the word "GONE"...thanks!!!

[Trish]

Morning Patty, do you have the weekend off work? Hope your getting up to something nice today with Gracie, Romeo and Buster. So pleased to read in your other thread you are making a big effort to push all the nastiness at the end to one side and focus on the good Fella memories... :) That is what that special little pup would want!! Good for you tackling this positively, hope it works. Together with lots of fresh air, good food, playing with the babies and some decent sleep I am sure you will be feeling better soon! So lovely to see you posting again :D xxxxxx

[molly muffin]

Hi Patty, hope this weekend finds you having fun with the 3 musketeers. (I like that title).
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Hi Trish and Sharlene
I'm not sure who changed the thread title,but thank you!!Going into our 3rd week of a heat wave-90's and humid..uggghhhhh!!!Its nice to be back on this thread again and I was planning on "making the rounds" and saying hello to everyone so Hello!!:)I hope you both enjoy your weekend and hope your weather is a bit better than ours.

If you've read my notes to Fella,you know that I'm trying very hard to just remember him and put the surgery towards the back of my mind for now.All this time has been spent stuck in his death and I haven't once really honored how he LIVED.Guess it's mind over matter and maybe the "happy pills" have kicked in:confused:-but I'm trying to focus on the incredible life we shared and the love we had for one another.

Romeo is a little love-we are all crazy about him(well,Grace and I are).If I can find the short video I have of him and Gracie playing,I will post it Buster has been somewhat dumped by Gracie. and poor Romeo-when he walks by Buster,Buster enthusiastically slaps him with his paw:eek: and lil lover boy thinks he wants to play but instead gets a big fat hiss!

Thanks again for checking in-I love hearing from you.
Love,
Patty

[molly muffin]

Hey Patty,
We always love to hear from you. :)
I'm glad that you are trying to focus on the good things about Fella's life. I am sure there was much that was wonderful. HUGS! Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Trish]

What are you doing awake Missy, are you sneaking online while your at work???? Or just not sleeping???? Hope you had a nice day and the wee ones are all good :D xxx

[Mel-Tia]

Hello you

Just wondering how you are?

Please mail me or post here soon so I know you are ok.

Love
Mel
Xxxx

[goldengirl88]

Patty:
I have been thinking of you also. I hope you are doing ok. Blessings
Patti

[doxiesrock912]

Hello Patty,

I share in your belief to honor the good memories.

I had a really bad night recently missing mom and I kept replaying the moment that she died and just before over and over in my head. At one point, I told her that it was "ok to go and I promise to take good care of dad". This was just after his cancer diagnosis and he hadn't begun treatment yet.

Well, it got to be too much and I was crying like mad so I forced myself to think of the positive memories. It is not good to focus on the end. It doesn't change anything by doing so and I know that mom wouldn't have wanted that.

My point being that I agree with your idea to focus on the good memories.

HUGS

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Patty,
Sending you tons more love and positive energy. Fella loves you so much! I know he's happy that you have the three musketeers watching out for you. Big hugs,

[Trish]

Patty is away for a few days with Gracie and Romeo having a nice relaxing time!! Just so no one worries :) We miss you Patty, see you soon and hope your having a lovely time xx

[doxiesrock912]

Patty!

I'm so glad that everyone is getting along!
Gracie obviously missed the company of a playful dog :)

I'll bet that Romeo senses your sadness and he's so grateful to have a forever home. I'm SO HAPPY for all of you and it brings back memories of introducing our Gracie and later Annie to Daisy Mae. I had no idea what to expect because Daisy was used to being the only furlet in the house. After a week of being on my toes, they worked out their differences.

You're brother will never experience the joy that pets bring to your life. What he said shows his ignorance and some people just aren't capable of experiencing the love that we all share on this forum. I don't blame you for being madder than heck, but I feel sad for him. He has no idea what he is missing.

HUGS

[doxiesrock912]

Patty,

recognizing that you need some help coming to terms with how you lost Fella is wonderful news and a positive step in the healing process. There is nothing to be embarrassed about.

I went through a year of intensive counseling and it was the most difficult thing that I ever did, but it chained my life in ways that I never thought imaginable and made me a much stronger person overall.

Some of the sessions will be painful, you'll experience feelings and thoughts that you haven't yet, and you'll often be emotionally exhausted but it is so worth it! Keep your eye on the end of the tunnel, don't hold back, and most of all - be honest with your counselor. If you need a break or it gets too much - let them know.

My life is so much better since I went through it all and despite the hard days, I've never regretted going.

Also, if you don't feel a connection or bond of trust with this person, find another one. They work for you and you're paying for what is in your best interest.

[Fellasmom]

Hi!!
Just back from vacation and my computer wasn't working until just now!Have a lot of catching up to do but am on my way to work so just wanted to say hello!

[Squirt's Mom]

We missed you! Glad you are back!

[Trixie]

Hi Patty,
Hope you had a great vacation!! Welcome back! :D

Barbara

[Trish]

Yay, welcome home Patty, Gracie and Romeo!! Hope it was a lovely relaxing time for you all, looking forward to hearing all about it :D xx

[goldengirl88]

Patty:
Glad to hear you took a vacation. I hope the time away helped to heal your broken heart. Look forward to hearing about your vacation. Blessings
Patti

[Boriss McCall]

Welcome back.. Hope the vacay was good. ;)

[scoora]

Hope you had a nice vacation.

[kaibosmom]

What did you do for your vacation? I hope it was great!

[goldengirl88]

Patty:
Thinking of you and wondering how you are doing? Blessings
Patti

[goldengirl88]

Patty:
Please read my thread, I may be facing this with my Tipper. Hope you are doing well. God Bless you and sweet Fella
Patti

[Squirt's Mom]

I was thinking of you this morning, hoping you are doing well and finding some peach and joy in your days.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[Mel-Tia]

Not sure if you still pop in but I wanted you to know I think of you often. I hope Gracie Buster and Romeo are all doing good.

Mel
Xxxx

[Fellasmom]

Happy Thanksgiving!
Though I haven't posted in quite a long time,I think of each and everyone of you everyday.I am so very thankful to this group and to each and every one of you.I've never forgotton you or your kindness.I still have a very difficult time accepting how my Fella died and coming here always brings me back to how much hope I had for his surgery and how awful and unexpected it was to lose him.I hope one day its not so painful to be here.I hope you all had a wonderful holiday.I keep you all very close to my heart and you and your babies are always in my thoughts.
Love
Patty

[molly muffin]

Patty!!! So great to hear from you! We do understand how hard it can be after such a traumatic loss.
I hope this holiday finds you and the gang doing well. How is Romeo?
we miss you!
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Trish]

Yay Patty, its funny you popped in today... Mel and I were just talking last week about whether we needed to send out a search party to track you down! But we figured popping in here was hard for you to do, but I am pleased to see you post today about your little Fella :D Lovely to see you and it would be fantastic to see some new pics of the babies!! So pleased Romeo has really settled in and giving you lots of loving cuddles. :D We miss you Patty, but will most likely be not too far away for a chat if you pop in xxxxxxx

[doxiesrock912]

Great to see you here Patty.
I hope that time is helping you to heal.
God Bless.

[Squirt's Mom]

aw, sweet, sweet Patty, you are missed by so many, honey, but we do understand how painful it is to be here. I think of you often and have started to post several times but didn't want to make you feel as if you had to respond, causing you to relive a painful time, so I have simply prayed you are well and finding some moments of peace as time passes. You know we are always here and you are always considered family, you are always loved and always missed.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[goldengirl88]

Patty:
I think of you often and know the pain you are suffering. I just wish I had that magic wand to lessen your burden. I am hoping as time goes by, your heart can begin to heal. Know that I think of you and Fella and wish so much that the outcome had been different. Blessings
Patti

[Mel-Tia]

Hey you

So pleased to see a post that you are ok, I think of you and your sweet Fella always.

Kisses to all the critters and a tight hug to you

Love
Mel
Xxxxx

[Trish]

HI Patty

I know Mel and I miss you on here but I fully understand it is hard to pop in sometimes. But if you do pop in I wanted you to have a big Merry Christmas from me and Flynn. I am remembering Fella today and I hope you Gracie and Romeo have a lovely day! xxx

[molly muffin]

Merry Christmas Patty!!

hugs
Sharlene and Molly Muffin