Maximus, 10-12 YO Boxer - Max has passed

[Irena]

Hello all,

I have been lurking on this forum for the last four months and cannot thank you all enough for the wealth of information you have given me.

We are at the doorstep of a 'concrete' Cushings diagnosis, although I'm not sure that it can get any more concrete than this.

We started suspecting Cushings on 08/09/2012. Looking back, the symptoms started gradually appearing in Winter 2010 (the 'cute' potbelly, 'weird climate' hair loss, 'old age' thirst, 'didn't let him out in time' potty accident). Started panting in a cool, air conditioned home in August. Full blood panel, three X rays, urinalysis, nothing concrete. ALKP levels slightly elevated, sent home to wait and watch him closely. All the questions I asked (kidney, liver, pancreas, Cushings) were answered with no.

Two months later, I ordered Cortisol Add On to HealthChek plus at a new vet that I ran into because of an emergency (bloody diarrhea). The Cortisol levels were high (I do not have the labwork, sorry). Vet said very indicative of Cushings and we talked about the treatment options, but still trying to address stomach first. To 'kill two birds with one stone', I ordered an ultrasound to check adrenal glands and internal organs at supposedly best radiography hospital in state. Also did standard ultrasound at vet's office. At both ultrasounds, glands were enlarged, no tumors present, all organs functioning normally. Slightly enlarged heart, slight arrhythmia. Here's something so important: No obstruction - I had an inkling this had to do with the bathroom trash he had gotten into the prior week, but vet and hospital staff said no way, it should have passed by then, and nothing is showing up. RX given for stomach ulcers and antibiotic. No improvement after 5 days (we were using syringe to give rice/chicken and water). I called the wonderful woman who runs the Boxer rescue that I adopted my other Boxer from and she suggested that what I initially thought was probably the case and suggested that I try oatmeal/ground beef. Sure enough, $1300 later, my Max started passing lady trash rolled up in the plastic (so much for the best radiography in the state).

After a week, he was normal again and we were talking about what to do about Cushings and researching everything possible. I decided that before we try the harsh medication and before stressing him out with more vet visits, we'd try natural remedies first. After a month on increased vitamin C (@ 1500mg/day) and PS 100, I noticed less water consumption and his pot belly shrank. This glee of mine came to a screeching halt two weeks ago. He started smelling bad and losing hair between his shoulder blades. Oozing greenish discharge. Ran to the nearest vet and they said Demodex. I refused their ridiculous bath (don't breathe near this, and don't you dare touch it, but do go ahead and dunk your dog in it). Tried remedy from Earth Clinic and appeared to be getting better. Two days later, the smell is back with a vengeance and more hair falling out in clumps. Showing on his groin, too. Bleeding, scabbing... Back to the vet, told to try antibiotic ointment. Asked if Calcinosis Cutis, vet said that was a "good question". UGH! The ointment made everything worse, was discouraged and decided to try OTC pet antibacterial/antifungal shampoo. Got RX for Simplicef and Ketoconazole, everything just keeps getting worse.

I'm not so stupid as to deny that this is Calcinosis Cutis. I will add pics to my gallery for any who wish to see. There are new spots appearing: one closer to the tip of his head, one parallel with his groin on the left side of his spine. There is a lump parallel to that one on the right side of his spine but it is still white and under the skin. It seems to be spreading to his front shoulders, they are itching and red, I am just waiting now. He has two red scabby spots on his ears.

I am still waiting to hear back from recommended specialists on this board - the Calcinosis is what's pushed me into going the medication route. Nobody that I've called can confirm that they have experience treating Cushings with Calcinosis Cutis in possibly 12 year old Boxer with impending cardiomyopathy. All the specialists are gone until Wednesday and I should expect to hear back by Thursday. Right now, I cannot find Milk of Magnesia anywhere. The one person that I trust on Boxer advice (head of rescue) thinks that the medication is vile and is sending me the Cushings Crusher. I have very low expectations here, but I am committed to trying her advice.

I have to stop here and say that the information I've read on this board is more accurate, valuable, and life-saving than anything I've heard out of the mouth of any veterinarian. As you can tell, I've had a few crappy experiences with them this year...

I understand so far that the Calcinosis Cutis is exacerbated by the sex hormone. I've also gathered from all your stories that there seems to be a higher success rate treating Cushings with C.C. using Lysodren. It also seems to me that Trilostane is the preferred medication, but I do not want to make my boy suffer for a 50/50 chance. I'd try for a 70/30 - I truly would. I am partially discouraged from everything after reading Augie's story (SO many parallels there), I cannot even begin to list them. With all this info (so sorry for the rant/essay) I have a few questions:

Can anyone suggest anything that would help calm/soothe his skin until we can get to a specialist?

I would like to try Milk of Magnesia but cannot find it anywhere! Any suggestions? Have tried all natural stores nearby.

Is there ANYTHING I can do to stop new spots in their track?

Should I be pushing for Lysodren when we finally get to see someone? Has anyone successfully treated a 12-year-old large dog with heart conditions on Trilostane?

We have spent over $3000 in vet care in the last several months and I feel that we have investigated everything possible. The only thing left is the ACTH stim test. I know my boy is probably 12 - when I adopted him the family said he was about 5 and the vet said 3-5. Trusting the vet, my guy started out with 3. :) I know the breed's average lifespan is 8-10. I also know of people whose Boxers have lived to 13.

Again, I am really sorry for the length of this post. Thank you all so much.

[Sabre's Mum]

Welcome to you and Maximus,

We successfully treated our Hungarian Vizsla, Sabre, who had calcinosis cutis with Lysodren.

The soothing of the skin is a hard one to answer. Oatmeal shampoos are supposed to soothe but sometimes I would actually say that it may flare up the calcinosis cutis ie make it redder so this hard one to say whether it soothes or not. We also used medicated shampoos which were worse than the oatmeal shampoos. I think we may have also tried some aloe vera at one stage but because of it's gloopy nature we only tried it a couple of times. If it is really itchy antihistamines may work but this is "hit and miss" as to whether they work on each dog.

The reality the only thing that will stop the calcinosis cutis is treatment ie Lysodren or Vetoryl. Personally my choice would be Lysodren .... we had no choice at the time we started treatment with Sabre here in New Zealand and so had to treat with Lysodren. You may have read on some of the threads that Dr Bruyette has not had a good result with treating dogs with Vetoryl. What I have seen on this site is that Lysodren works ... and the calcinosis cutis does not rear up again. With Vetoryl we have members here that have successfully treated with Vetoryl and it has never flared up again. However, we have had two dogs recently on this site, treated with Vetoryl, whose calcinosis cutis was controlled and now returned with vengance.

If you have any further queries please ask away.

Angela and Flynn

PS . I should add that I would recommend that you get and ACTH stim test done to confirm the diagnosis of cushings.

[Irena]

Hi Angela,

Thank you for the information and for the welcome.

I have been reluctant to try Oatmeal and discontinued our normal bath regime at the first signs of the CC. Our normal baths are with an Oatmeal shampoo and conditioner due to Boxer sensitive skin. It is my understanding that oatmeal will worsen yeast issue.

Did you happen to try tea tree oil shampoos? I have thought about trying aloe vera, but I am concerned with providing an excessively moist environment for bacteria to grow. With that in mind, I used yogurt with some success three days ago to cool skin and as an antifungal. I worry that the dried yogurt would make deposits harder to exit his body, so I discontinued.

I don't know if it's better to keep it moist or dry - Moist allows growth of fungi and bacteria, dry makes his skin crack and bleed. He does not appear uncomfortable - he tries to scratch sometimes but listens dutifully (bless his heart) and stops scratching. I haven't left his side and have put a shirt on him when I need some sleep. Did you use shirts/gauzes? Any advice on the groin area?

Thanks so much.

Irena

P.S. Yes, we will certainly be doing ACTH, hopefully next week.

[Sabre's Mum]

Hi Irena,

My personal belief is that you should try and keep the areas as dry as possible. I know one vet has suggested in the past to a member here to place vasoline on the areas to stop it from cracking but I personally do not believe in this.

With Sabre ... the shampoos only aggravated the calcinosis cutis and we eventually discontinued these ( we were shampooing every three days). We did not try tea tree oil shampoos ... and I would be a little wary using these as tea tree oil can be extremely toxic to dogs. However in saying this we did use an extremely diluted solution of tea tree oil and water in Sabre's ears once when he started to get gunk in his ears ... but we used it on the vets guidance - she suggested it. We also placed liquid Betadine on the calcinosis cutis to try and dry out.

We stopped the aloe vera also for the reasons of "keeping things moist".

We used T-Shirts or jackets to try and stop him scratching ... T-Shirts at home ; jackets for out and about. When he was trying to scratch we would try and leave him uncovered to allow the air to keep things dry. We did not use any gauzes.

Sabre only had on little area on his groin and we just had to command him to stop nibbling if did so. So ... sorry I don't have any suggestions for this.

The biggest thing I believe is that try to manage any potential infections as it is difficult to control when infection sets in. As soon as you see it getting infected get to your vet to get antibiotics.

However, first and foremost really think that you should get an ACTH stim test to confirm the diagnosis. Pretty much calcinosis cutis is a diagnosis for cushings but there have been a few reported cases (very rare) that it may be caused by other conditions.

Once the diagnosis is confirmed and the treatment is started Maximus's calcinosis cutis will get worse before it gets better BUT it does get better! After about four to six months of treatment with Lysodren, Sabre's calcinosis cutis had healed and "just was there" as hard plates with hair growing through.

Angela and Flynn

PS ... just saw you were going to get an ACTH stim next week ... well Maximus :)

[Irena]

Thanks Angela. We are on Simplicef right now.

Is there anything diet-wise that is specifically beneficial for this? I am home cooking low fat, high protein, low carb, sugar free, grain free. Cannot feed raw as per my adoption contract for my other pup who is, by the by, having serious jealousy/stress issues right now :-(.

Since magnesium is beneficial in breaking up Ca deposits, would Epsom help new spots that haven't split yet? I am reluctant to try on the raw spots.

Also, I am curious whether I should stop Phosphatidylserine at any particular time before ACTH. I understand it is much like Melatonin and with that in mind, how long does it take to leave their system?

[Irena]

Also, I would like to note that I have tried antihistamines. A lump appeared on the inside corner of my boy's lips. I did OTC Benadryl for one day, hoping to cross off salivary gland issues vs allergic reaction to something. The lump is still there... No changes in itching.

[molly muffin]

I just wanted to pop in and say hello and welcome to you and your boxer.
If you can find a vet that is familiar and comfortable treating cushings with lysoderm, many have found that this has worked for them in regards to both cushings and C.C. I think a lot of people end up treating with vetroyl because that is what so many vets seem to be comfortable with now due to it leaving the system faster. It's not really any safer though as crashes can happen with either drug.
I wouldn't use or feed anything with any sugars in it, including oatmeal, as that just tends to feed yeast.
I did read on a natural site that some people have had luck treating yeast infections with a steeped jasmine tea. I looked this up due to another member having a heck of a time with allergies, yeast infections on skin along with some other issues.
I do hope that you can get some answers. I'm glad you're having the ACTH test, you'll want that as a baseline before starting any treatment anyhow. Have you also done an LDDS test? Those are the two main tests when trying to diagnosis cushings along with the ultrasound. You are probably already aware of that if you've been reading here. :)
I'm really impressed by everything that you have gone through and the research you have done to get to this point. Congratulations. :) Knowledge is a life saver with this disease.

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[lulusmom]

Hi Irena and welcome to you and Maximus.

I'm so glad that you finally came out of the shadows and shared Maximus' story with us. I was talking to a new vet I met a few weeks ago about cushing's and we were just chatting away and the next thing I know we were talking about a great product I have used a lot with our rescues who have mange and other skin issues. It's called Vetericyn and this vet told me that he has had some pretty good success with Vetericyn VF for calcinosis cutis. I think VF stand for veterinary formula.

I use the over the counter Vetericyn and it's awesome. I have a little rescue Pomeranian who just had bladder stone surgery and prior to that she had a bacterial infection under her left arm. I rolled her over on her back and sprayed her arm pit and her incision two to three times a day and the results were pretty dramatic rather quickly. That's not to say you'll get the same results with calcinosis cutis because it's a bugger to get under control but why not ask your vet about Vetericyn VF. This is the first chance I've had to talk about this with members so I'd be very interested to see if it gives Maximus some relief.

If Maximus were my dog, I'd definitely treat with Lysodren. My two cushdogs treated with both Lysodren and Trilostane over the years so I'm very familiar with both drugs. Cushing's is a serious disease and the effective drugs are very serious; however, if the vet is experienced and the pet owner is educated, side effects can be minimized and usually eliminated completely. Boxers are a breed that is over represented with cushing's so I am surprised that the owner of the rescue you are dealing with considers the effective treatments vile and is sending you what I consider to be snake oil and a total waste of money. Vetoryl and Lysodren in the hands of an ignorant person, can be dangerous to a dog in the hands of an ignorant person; otherwise, they can make a world of difference for both the dog and pet owner's quality of life. My 4.5 lb and 6.5 lb Pomeranians had no side effects with either treatment because they were be treated by an experienced specialist and a mom who watched them like a hawk.

With respect to Maximus' heart issues, if he is taking a diuretic and/or ace inhibitor, he should be followed very closely by your vet if you choose to treat with Vetoryl.

Glynda

[Irena]

Thank you Glynda and Sharlene.

Sharlene, we have not done LDDS or HDDS. I read an informative website that was linked from this forum that seemed to favor Dex tests over ACTH when all clinical signs are there. Should I be asking for Dex in conjunction with ACTH or just forego ACTH altogether? I will look into Jasmine tea. For now, I am adding 1tbsp of yogurt to dinner and have Ketoconazole RX.

On that note, won't Ketoconazole affect test results? We are at 200mg 2x/day.

Glynda, I did come out of the shadows! I actually kind of came out of the closet. I have wrestled and fought with myself about all of this for weeks. The medication is scary, especially scary for a Boxer two years older than their average life expectancy. You know, I am baffled by the fact that I know no one Boxer personally that is a Cush pup. I think that the diagnosis 'difficulty' at the added to Boxers numerous other health issues leaves so many of these guys without a mention of Cushings. Liver and kidneys are huge problems for our community, as are various cancers and cardiomyopathy. I agree with you on the snake oil and did not for a moment consider buying any of the drops, exes, crushers, etc... I should note here that I do agree with her and you in that I do believe these are very serious drugs. She did not at all suggest that I nix the idea of chemical treatment, just insisted that I try this beforehand. I know of one study that found evidence of one of the ingredients supporting adrenal health. Then again, I found much more evidence of PS and Vitamin C having the same effect and have used both with some improvement. I called the manufacturer yesterday to see whether they have any information on CC and their product and she suggested using oral antibiotics and anti fungals in conjunction and also suggested dietary enzymes. Intestingly enough, the Crusher mfr recommended I look into Vetericyn, but I was unsure whether to try moisture treatment vs dry treatment. Petco carries it and I will be heading there the moment they open tomorrow to grab some.

I want to think that, since he is getting Simplicef and Ketoconazole orally, I should be able to try and soothe his skin without fear of growing problems. However, I also do not want to apply anything that is known to exacerbate the issue. As it is, it's quite severe and spreading aggressively. It only took one week for it t grow from one inch to six.

When all the pieces fell into place, I committed myself to treating Cushings naturally (without side effects) until it started affecting HIM negatively. I changed my schedule so that I can always let him out, I bought a carpet shampooer, and I stay up really late with him while my husband gets up really early. This was my closet and I feared joining this community while still standing inside it. I have been guilt ridden and not knowing what to do. One moment I curse whoever invented the drugs, and the next moment I am cursing myself for not treating already. I have to say that the stories of other Boxer owners treating are discouraging... I found comfort in vet sites saying to start treating when the symptoms become unbearable. Watching him deteriorate in front of me is unbearable. I would shampoo a thousand carpets, buy a million new trash cans and clean whatever mess he made. I don't fear catching urine or examining poo. I figured I'd draw the line and go to chems when he told me it was time. I never thought it'd be me that can't watch it... He doesn't seem to mind or care about his skin, he thinks and knows he is as handsome as the day I first laid my palm on that spot on his neck. His fur was thickest there, it was one of his tickle spots right under his collar. I would give anything to put his collar back on and hear him jingle right now...

Anyway... Thank you both so much. I will update tomorrow on Vetericyn. Hubby is out on another Milk of Magnesia hunt, so hopefully something improves. Going on another Google expedition re Jasmine now. Will post more pics from skin today in my gallery.

P.S. Glynda - I forgot to answer that we are not on any heart medication. The arrhythmia was so slight and his heart very mildly enlarged. I was planning on doing another ultrasound in January (every 3 months) and have been closely monitoring his breathing. Had vet listen for fluids this week and nothing. He showed no arrhythmia @ vets this week, last checked Thursday.

[lulusmom]

Hello again.

I completely understand the decisions you've made regarding Maximus' medical treatment and in your shoes I would follow your lead but the calcinosis cutis is the proverbial elephant in the room. It is very difficult to control as long as the high cortisol is not addressed and because Maximus isn't bothered by it today doesn't mean it won't continue to worsen and make him miserable. I don't ever recall any dogs here that weren't greatly affected by it and I am hoping that Maximus is the exception to the rule. If there is any way you can get your hands on the veterinary formula of Vetricyn, I think that would be optimum; otherwise, make that run to Petco.

Another concern with treatment, especially in a very senior Boxer is that they and other brachycephalic breeds are known to be more likely to have large pituitary macroadenoma. It is also known that treatment with either drug can and does promotes unabated growth of a macrotumor, hastening neurological signs and rapid deterioration of quality of life.

I've provided a link below to a short thread about another senior dog, Tipper, whose owner chose to forego treatment, and ironically, treated with Cushing's Crusher. She felt it helped her dog so who knows.

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3719

Glynda

[Irena]

Glynda, I completely agree - it is an elephant. These guys are stoic to begin with so it is always tough to gauge his discomfort level. I've been with Max for seven years and have never heard him whimper or growl.

My Max is especially snorty, I've only met one other Boxer that snorts as much as him. (I volunteer with the rescue as time allows, I'm sad to say I've met many homeless Boxers.)

I called the hospital where our ultrasound was done to get a copy of the radiograph report. I'm very curious to find exact size of each gland. I know no rumors were detected, which is why we were assuming PDH. It was my intention to go back there next month for a follow up to check other organs and gland size changes. I cannot remember finding a case of PDH with Calcinosis Cutis.

On a terrible side note, I am noticing decreased function in his left rear leg. I thought he was limping very slightly around 10pm last night. By 3 am, I had to hold him up to drink and pee. He's limping slightly today, but he's putting weight on it. He was unwilling to get up to go potty at 2 of 3 regular times. Also, he hasn't finished eating his food for the third day. Is this Ketoconazole working? I'm watching him like a hawk, there is one 24hr hospital nearby that we can run to if something happens.

[Irena]

Have copy of ultrasound, adrenals both abnormal and read as follows:

Left (AB): mildly enlarged at 8.1mm with normal echogenicity and shape
Right (AB): markedly enlarged at 1.21cm with an ill-defined hyperechoic focus on the caudal pole

Liver, Gall Bladder, Spleen, Kidneys (both), Urinary Bladder, Small Intestines, Colon, Pancreas, Peritoneum, Prostate all normal.

Stomach was abnormal due to upset (eating lady trash) and gastric lymph node was enlarged. Looking back at my notes: Was told lymph node enlargement is to be expected if stomach upset occurs. Noted to call/visit if any difficulty breathing/vomiting/diarrhea occurs. On adrenals, noted no visible tumors present and slightly enlarged.

So, what exactly is a "ill-defined hyperechoic focus on the caudal pole"?

[Irena]

Apparently, this is a 'dark spot' on his adrenal gland.

Whether it is cancerous or not, I don't know. Talked with dr; Her honest, 'if this were my dog' opinion was that treatment would likely open doors to other serious issues. Adding CC on to the situation just makes everything worse and she also stated that it is really hard to get under control, Max's age and breed are against him here.

He is getting more uncomfortable. The Vetericyn made him more itchy, I did not apply any today. It's spreading further down his shoulders so that it is now very red and starting to ooze three inches out into his coat on each side. Fades after that. New spot appearing under his jaw. The center spot on the top of his neck is still isolated but has doubled and has a large mass underneath. He is getting uncomfortable laying on his side. I m having some success with Milk of Magnesia, but it dries the discharge very hard on his hair and makes him itch. It dries into powder without the Ca oozing out.

I have given Traumeel to help with any pain. He still cannot support himself on his left leg, but is eating/drinking/going potty okay. He did not finish dinner again last night, but I coaxed him into finishing all but one bite of breakfast today. Actually, I diced & flash fried a ribeye with some ground sirloin. I figured he couldn't say no. Took him a while, but he ate most of it.

So much is stacked against my boy. I don't know what's going to happen. I think I'm going to take advice from a thread and just have a few 'healthy' days with him. There's nothing I can do and everyone is closed until Wed. I just need to get off the guilt trip until then. We're going to put the tree up today, maybe that will help.

[molly muffin]

Hi Irena. I'm so sorry that Maximus is having such difficulties and it seems so hard to over come.
Some good days cannot be over rated. They are precious.

Have a Merry Christmas and just enjoy the day and the time. (did you try the jasmine tea soak?)

Sharlene and molly muffin

[Irena]

Thank you so much for the kind words, Sharlene & Molly. For us, good days have become good moments, and they bring joy unlike anything else.

I broke down a few hours ago, I just cannot watch him suffer anymore. I soaked the back of a t-shirt in Jasmine tea and placed it into the freezer, he's wearing it now and is finally getting more than 5 minutes of rest. Been trying so hard to keep his back dry, but he is just so miserable. His third eyelids are up and blood red, he cannot get comfortable any which way he lays. I cannot think of sleep...

It's a relief, bittersweet though it may be, to write of our journey here and know that someone understands. I lived through a horrendous civil war, an ethnic cleansing in fact, and not an iota of those five years is helping me deal with this right now.

I am looking forward to our good moments tomorrow. It will be the greatest Christmas present in the world.

Merry Christmas to you and Molly, and to everyone in this community. I think the only reason I still have any marbles left is because of you all and your stories of trial and perseverance. I send you all our very best.

Irena & Maximus

[Tina]

Hi Irena,

I too just want to tell you how sorry I am that your baby is going through this. All I know about this horrible skin condition I have learned on this forum, so I certainly don't feel I can come up with any great suggestions. I looked at the photos you posted and wondered if something like that topical Benadryl gel/ointment, or calamine lotion would provide any relief from the itching and burning? I am sure you have probably already thought of that, or even tried it, but I didn't see it mentioned so thought I would throw it out there.

I cried while reading all about Maximus and looking at his poor skin. You are a great Mom and it is clear you are doing all you can right now. I wish I could do or say something to help, but want to offer my support and prayers that he feels better, and that you can get some help from your vet after the holiday. I hope you have some peaceful moments with Maximus on this Christmas Day.

Hugs,

Tina and Jasper

[lulusmom]

Hi Irena,

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and Maximus and that you both remain in my prayers.

(((Huge Christmas Hugs)))
Glynda

[Boriss McCall]

Irena,
I am thinking about you & Maximus. I know you road is hard. I am praying for good days for you both.

hugs

[molly muffin]

Irene, if the jasmine tea helps at all, just keep soaking some clothes in the steeped tea and then pressing to his skin. I don't know why or how they say it works, but it appears to Only be jasmine.
I hope that you have many moments that turn into days that are all good. I cannot imagine how uncomfortable he must be. :(

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[labblab]

I am holding you and Maximus in my thoughts and heart. I am hoping, so much, that soon you will be granted some relief.

Sending many hugs,
Marianne

[Irena]

You all are an amazing group of women and I cannot thank you enough for your positive thoughts and energies you've sent our way.

I got an appointment with a highly recommended vet that came from a fellow Boxer owner and trainer. I was AMAZED at her level of expertise and knowledge in Cushings and very grateful to have spared the 2 hour drive to CSU. She sends her samples to Univ of Tennessee for testing by late Dr. Oliver's protocol for cases like Max's. I was truly impressed by this woman... If you are in Colorado, please do look her up, her name is Dr. Freidlander at Overland Animal Hospital.

However, this was a bittersweet afternoon: per Dr, Max is organically thirteen years old. This just makes twelve twice as hard if you are a Boxer owner :-(. The reason he has had difficulty standing/walking is because his knees are bone-on-bone. Ketoconazole has suppressed his cortisol sufficiently to where he now actually feels this pain and he has no muscle left to help back there. He has been getting Glucosamine since 2009. She believes he may have had ACL tears in his youth.

Skin scrape revealed no mites and positive on bacteria and fungi. Keep administering Simplicef and Ketoconazole. Rec'd KetoChlor shampoo.

I opted to do a biopsy on his back to confirm CC rather than do ACTH. Two samples are being sent to CSU. She will confer with them and present the case in its entirety to gather their recommendation/opinion. She stated that we need to look at this in terms of 4-6 weeks and not 2+ years. Brutal, but true. His skin will only continue to get worse as it has this week.

So now we wait. I was sitting in the exam room and looking at this senior vs geriatric chart. Senior sounded so much better, but I'm afraid the truth serves a more noble purpose.

That's all I can say. Some really hard decisions are going to have to be made here, one way or another. He's been healthy for all but the last few months. As the vet said, you can't cheat fate. In my heart of hearts, the care we've put into his diet and life has paid off nonetheless.

[milosmom]

irena know that maximus is a gift that you have had the most fabulous time showing off and sharing with others...you are the best mommy ever and we all wait to see and support you and your fur baby...praying for a restful evening for all of you...prayers and positive energy sending to you...patty (milo)meka xoxox

[molly muffin]

Irena, I'm so glad that you have found an awesome person to help you through this and to help Max. He's such a great looking guy.
I absolutely agree. It sounds like he has had a wonderful life and you have given him so much love and a home that he could be happy in. It sucks when they reach "senior" moments. The first time the vet told me Molly needed a senior profile testing, I almost had a heart attack! Inside I was screaming "no she's just a puppy still, see how she plays" the reality is that she is not and I can't ignore that no matter how much I'd like to. I know you totally understand that concept too.
Let see how things go and what the test come back with. Decision time will come when it comes. Those moments though, are precious now.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Irena]

Thank you both for your kind words. It is so hard to imagine them not being their young, goofy selves, Sharlene. I had to deal with the senior bit three years ago, I know EXACTLY what you mean. A ton of bricks sounded easier to swallow.

I've been thinking about this all day and can't help sharing; A long time ago, a friend put this beautiful graphic on Facebook, I don't know if I recall the details correctly but I will never forget the key message. It was about how a young child reacted to the loss of his pet and his feelings on why dogs live such short lives. The boy said that we humans have to live for a long time because we need time to learn to be kind and love others. Dogs, the boy said, are born knowing this and so they don't have to stay as long.

I remember tearing up at this, not just for the sentimental value, but because every moment of every day I realize that nobody ever has or ever will love me the way my dogs do. This is the truth... Not my daughter, or my husband, not my mother... No one. Maximus is my first dog. I've learned so much about life from him... Right this very moment, I'm learning that no matter how bad your day was, you can snore it all away with some skillfully placed bolsters and a good toy. He is worried sick, I tell you.

I am making it a point to forevermore follow every single hint he gives me :-).

On a side note, I can be a professional worrywart. I can make a herd of elephants out of half a flea. I am GREAT at worrying. I can worry for everyone and not at all be sick with it, I'll be too worried to be sick. All this worrying makes me work on things that worry me and so I find that something works to ease my worry.

I found a few things that worked for his skin and will publish a blog when we get the biopsy results back. Personally, I've found Google to be a selfish jerk when it comes soothing Calcinosis Cutis. This might be the dumbest thing ever, but I am hanging on to a thread of hope and a chance in hell that the white rocks that are coming out of my boy's body could possibly be some weird new alien bacteria and that they just happen to fit the description of CC to a T and that this is all some ugly dream that I'll wake up from.

Lesson number five gazillion umpteen teen as taught by my Boxer: there's little use in chewing if your mouth is still empty.

[addy]

Irena, I am so sorry for what you and Maximus are going through. I know the dread and the feeling of please make everything go back to the way it was and make the nightmare go away. But somehow we find the strength to deal with the nightmare and the new reality.

Hope is always there for us to grab, even if for only a day.

((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

[Trish]

Hi Irena

Lucky Maximus has you looking out for him, researching and doing your best. I don't know what to advise re the worrying, as I think a lot of us are the same! But your putting all that worry to good use by concentrating your energies on Max, don't forget to save a little time for yourself though :) It always amazes me the collective advice from the members of this forum, they are so smart and we are so lucky to benefit from their knowledge. Have a good weekend Irena and Maximus!

Trish xx

[milosmom]

just wanted to check in and say hi and that we are thinking of you guys ...patty(milo)meka xoxox

[molly muffin]

Irena! You have joined the group of professional worry warts! We worry over Everything! Pee, Poop, Skin, Licking, we hear from someone, we don't hear from someone. It's never ending and this group is a real expert at all levels of worrying. Laughter is often the best medicine, not to stop the worrying, that's a battle that none of us will fight, but it does help to alleviate the tension of constant worrying. :)

Remember, we also have a few members fighting the CC battle now, or have in the past, such as Addy with her Zoe. There are more. I so hope that some will be able to stop in and tell you of their experiences.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Tina]

Hi Irena,
I just want to let you know that I am thinking about you and Maximus today. I am also the worlds biggest worrier, so I can totally relate. Sending love and positive thoughts your way, and wishing you blessings and peace in the new year.

Hugs,

Tina and Jasper

[Irena]

Hi Friends,

I've tried so hard for the past week to just take a break and be patient until biopsy results come back from CSU. I received the call yesterday and Calcinosis Cutis was confirmed. The bacteria culture also came back and there was a staph infection as well as another strand of bacteria. I forgot the name of it, will update later.

The vet told me that she cannot possibly give me advice, but that she couldn't in good conscience recommend treating Cushings at this point. She feels that there is a huge risk with treatment, considering his age. She's sure that he's at least 12 and could easily be 13. The infection in his skin is still raging, despite the Ketochlor, Simplicef, and the Ketoconazole. There is a possibility that his body is simply not responding to drugs anymore.

He's not eating any more than 1/2 cup every other day, total. It's like he's forgotten how to eat: he licks at everything as if to drink it.

As for his skin, he has officially developed the Cush dog coat. On Monday it was about a 2x2" area that was dry and wrinkly and felt like he had on someone else's skin - shedding lots. Now it's covering his back half and spreading to his belly. The CC breakouts are coming up there, too. It's coming up on his neck and the quarter sized one on his head is about an inch away from his left eye now (it is 5x the size it was last week).

He's not eating... this makes everything worse. I am willing to bet that he's lost at least five pounds since we were last weighed on Thu last week. He looks like a bag of bones :( I cannot imagine how horrible he must be feeling to not experience hunger. All that hormone, and no hunger. He was ravenous always. I miss his sweet head on my lap at the dinner table, I miss hearing his collar jingle through our home. I haven't seen his little nubby tail wag in forever and I would give anything to see him kidney bean again. :(

I've kept you all in my thoughts and thank you so much for thinking of us, too. I hope you and your fur kids have all had a restful holiday.

Irena & Maximus

[molly muffin]

Oh Irena. :( this does sound just horrible to be going through. Poor Maximus. I know you must be worried sick. Other than treating the cushings I don't know how one would get the CC under control. Maybe someone else has some ideas. Would even a small amount of vetroyl help with the CC I wonder. Not enough to bring it fully down maybe, but enough to give some comfort. This is just an idea I'm throwing out, so it might not be correct, but I know others that have dogs with CC, have treated, but not tried to bring them down too far.
I hope some of the others can pop in soon and give their thoughts on any way forward for you at this point.

Hugs,
Sharlene

[jackiev]

Hi Irena. I just wanted to stop in and give you a ((((HUG)))). My frenchie, Ugga, has Calcinosis Cutis as well and his neck looks a lot like Maximus' back. My heart goes out to you and your boy, I know how difficult this is to deal with. We used Ketochlor also but I don't think it did much as far as relief goes. I guess it prevents bacteria from settling on the skin so that's a good thing. I saw in your photos that you used yogurt and it was helpful. Was it just plain regular yogurt? Ugga is itchy but only on one side of his neck. The other side healed, as did his chest and his chin, when we increased his Vetoryl dosage. He has many other problems though and we are reaching the end of our treatment options :( Sending much love to you and Maximus

~Jackie and Ugga

[Tina]

Irena, hugs to you and Maximus. I am praying that he gets some relief. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you.

Tina and Jasper

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Irena,

If I were you I would ask for a referral to a derm vet. Without Cushing's treatment with either Trilo or Lyso, the CC is not going to clear up I fear. CC isn't the typical skin infection - it is tied to the cortisol levels, almost exclusively connected to Cushing's, so anti-biotics alone won't help much, I'm afraid. For your vet to just give up on him is unacceptable to me - the odds are greatly increased that he can be offered some relief and regain some joy in life with proper treatment. So I would be pursuing the dermatologist asap. ;)

Hang in there, sweetie!
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[addy]

We are not there and we dont know all of the ramifications, what resources you have-financially and emotionally and time wise, you are able to do.

I do agree with Leslie if at all possible.

[Sabre's Mum]

Hi Irena,

I am sorry to hear that things are getting worse. I have to agree with Lesley in her last post ... without bringing the cortisol levels down ... the calcinosis cutis will continue to progress. As Lesley suggested, perhaps a dermatologist can get some ideas to give Maximus some relief.

Angela and Flynn

[Irena]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.

Leslie, I would SO love for it to be as easy as a referral to a dermatologist. I know that Lysodren would be the only option to clear up CC (the vet mentioned that CC is more common in atypical cases and Lysodren better affects the sex hormone. Researching others' stories here is in line with that). Unfortunately, he is literally not eating. I really trust this vet and please do trust me when I say that she is EXTREMELY knowledgable. I personally don't at all feel that she is giving up on Max and I doubt she would, considering the costs associated with treating Cushings. I asked for her honesty and she was honest - I already know this as much as I know the difference between night and day: Max is an old, old guy. There is no magic pill or any combination of magic pills that won't break ten things while attempting to fix one. Twelve is a great big number for a Boxer.

I'm taking him in tomorrow morning because he's started shaking and pulling his whole arm in when he inhales. He's also increasingly confused when he stands up and it takes him thirty seconds to start drinking water. He seems very confused whenever he gets up and keeps sniffing at the water bowl as if he doesn't know what it is. He's only taking treats after you beg him and then finally shove things into his mouth. They can only be soft treats - he choked on a piece of bacon, if that gives you an idea of how bad it is. It's like he forgot how to chew. I am seriously nervous about neurological issues right now. His heartbeat is steady and he isn't coughing - I can so far deduce we aren't dealing with an onset of cardiac issues. He isn't vomiting and isn't having diarrhea.

I know some of you have fought until the end, until nature took its course. I so very much admire your strength. I am looking at him laying on his bed next to me and it's breaking my heart... It seems like he's fighting to breathe, his flesh is literally disintegrating from CC, and the only fat he has to speak for is his cush belly. In my pictures, you can see the difference between just yesterday and last week. It is HARD to watch him suffer. It is hard to convince myself that, given everything that's going on, starting chemo would be fair to him. None of this is fair to him.

My husband went out and got a pawbender from Good Times (it's a frozen custard doggy treat). He LOVES these... He just smelled it and laid back down.

Things just aren't right.

[addy]

Irena, you know him best and as I mentioned, you are there and we are not so follow your heart. We respect your decisions as we know they are made out of love for Maximus.

We are here for you.

[molly muffin]

Oh Irena. It does sound like he has reached a very bad state. You're right 12 is a big number for a boxer. :(
I think that we always hold out hope that things can get better. We live for hope sometimes. However, that being said, only you are there with him and know exactly what is going on and what is possible and what is not. Have they talked about a macro tumor with the neurological signs that are going on? Since we know from the ultrasound that he doesn't have an adrenal tumor.
It is very hard to watch them get worse and worse. I'm sure this is very heart breaking for you and your family.
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Irena]

We took our boy to the bridge today.

I don't know that I can say anything coherent right now. I will be back later.

[Boriss McCall]

Irena,
I am so sorry.. We will be here for you. Rest In Peace sweet Maximus.

Hugs..

[lulusmom]

Irena, I am so terribly sorry. I do understand exactly what you are going through as my own little Lulu crossed the bridge last Thursday. Today is the first day I've been able to keep it together for longer than an hour. The two of them together would be a sight to see as Lulu was only 3.5 lbs. I'm sure Lulu and all of our pups who have passed before were there to greet your precious boy. He's at peace, healthy and happy again.

Godspeed sweet Maximus and watch over your mom until you meet again.

(((Consoling Hugs)))
Glynda

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh Irena,

I am just so sorry to hear this. It sounds like things got bad for sweet Max very quickly and I am sure you made the right decision for him today. He left this earth knowing he was oh so loved and he carries that love with him always.

Max's name has been added to the In Loving Memory thread for 2013 where he will always be remembered by his family here at K9C.

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4794

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick, Sophie and our Angels, Ruby, Crystal and Tasha


I ONLY WANTED YOU

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

--- Anonymous ---

[molly muffin]

Irena, I'm really very sorry to hear that Maximus has passed on as I know how very heart breaking this is for you and your family. You and he traveled a long road together and what a journey it was eh. :) Lots of smiles and laughter and fun along the way. You don't have to hold anything together for any of us. We've all been down this road.
Sending you big hugs and healing love.
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[mytil]

Oh Dear Irena,

I am so very sad for you and your husband. I know your boy is in a much better place. To set him free while it may have been crushing to you both shows the tremendous love and respect you have for him - and he knows it. Please stay with us - we are all here to lean on.

Always remembering your boy
(((hugs)))
Terry

[Sabre's Mum]

Irena, I am so sorry to hear that Maximus has passed. I am sure with everything that was going on with Max you made the right decision ... albeit rather heart breaking.

Hugs from me to you
Angela

[Bo's Mom]

So terribly sorry to hear about Maximus. Prayers to you and your family.

[addy]

Irena, I cant express how sorry I am. I know your love for Maz led you to the right decision even though it was tragic for you.

Please know we are here for you if you need a shoulder.

I am so very sorry.

[Irena]

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your words mean so much.

His body was just wrecked. What I thought was 'cush skin' actually turned out to be plates of CC on his loins and croup. One rose and started oozing last night.
He was so weak, it was awful. All of it was awful. He lost so much weight, and he's barely moved. He was ready. I broke and told him on that it's OK if he's ready. I told him how much it destroyed me to watch him fall apart and not know his pain. I begged him to tell me how much he was hurting, but he just kept sleeping. I stayed up to talk with him last night. He was more at peace than he'd been in what feels like forever. I thanked him for hanging on every day that I asked him to hang on. I thanked him and reminded him of everything amazing about him. I kissed our favorite sleepy spot, the bridge of his nose and between his eyes. I kissed it every minute. I cried so much… For the first time in this whole last month, he didn't run from me. He's had this terrible habit of a stressed out guy to run from a girl who is crying over him. But, not last night. He was just my Max, like he always had been.

I fell asleep at 5:30 and woke at 7:30 to leave for the vet's. He was too weak to get up from where we slept on the couch. We couldn't get him to lift his head. My husband carried him to the car. Vet noted he was running a fever - my hands are always cold, I couldn't tell :( :( :( He was septic.

It didn't go smoothly… Once the sedative was in and his muscles relaxed, he couldn't breathe. His airway was just completely blocked. The vet was quick and it was over in seconds. I held him in my arms, I held his heart and felt its last flicker.

This world is a better place because he was in it. He was always so perfect and so beautiful. Always so beautiful. His innocence was priceless. He always had the greatest manners. He's never harmed a fly, never destroyed a single thing, never knocked anyone over. He so loved children. Kids made him oh so happy and he loved to be perfectly still for them and let them come pet him. He always made me so proud. I was so proud and I took him everywhere to show him off, him and his perfect manners.

My world is a better place because his pawprints are on it. I just wish so badly we could have had more time. I wish so many things… I regret so many others. This is a pain unlike anything I could ever have imagined. I asked him for his pain, I wanted his hurt. I wanted to ease his worries and release him from that tired old body. If this is what he was feeling, then leading him to that bridge today was the best gift I could have given him. I would hurt a thousand years if it means I could save him just one day of suffering. He was always so perfect, so loving, so honest, so innocent. He deserved so much more.

I love you, Maximus. I love you in as many ways as there are stars in the sky and rays of light in sunshine.

[jmac]

Irena,

I'm so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts.

Julie & Hannah

[milosmom]

irena firstly know that you are the best mom that maximus had the pleasure of living a fun filled,loving,caring,sweet life together.you were both blessed with a wonderful life together...i can truly share your shattered heart and pray that your weeks ahead will become easier..with so much xoxox and sending light,peace and comfort to you ...patty (milo)meka xoxox

[molly muffin]

Oh Irena, :( I just cried my eyes out while reading your words for Maximus. How beautiful stated.
You were lucky to have each other. He sounds like he had a really wonderful life together with you. It is a journey that will live forever in your heart.

hugs,
Sharlene

[Simba's Mom]

So sorry to hear about your angel, they sure are part of the family and I will be praying for you at this sad time. Try to remember the good times and that he is no longer in pain. Take care! Letti

[milosmom]

tears are truly flowing as i type this sweetie...most of us here will know these tears...know your not alone and we are all here when it is time to chat about your love maximus and you may want to share your photos as well..good night patty (milo)meka xoxox

[Trish]

What a lovely dog and how brave you were for him, so sad to read this so sending you lots of hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[infoviewer]

Irena, my tears are flowing and my heart aches for you. Always know you did the right thing for Maximus. Your love for him was greater than your feelings for yourself and you let him go to a better place. Love, JoAnne

[addy]

Gentle hugs and prayers being sent your way. Although we did not know Maximus for very long we cared. Thank you for sharing his story with us.

We are always here for you.

[jackiev]

Oh Irena. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending much love and many hugs your way.

~Jackie and Ugga

[scoora]

Irena-Through my tears I read your beautiful words about yout beloved Maximus. I am so very sorry for your loss. Thoughts are prayers are with you.

[Irena]

Thank you all for your kindness... I truly don't have the words to say just how grateful I am.

The last four days have been absolute hell on earth. Coming here and reading your comforting words brings serenity unlike anything else.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart...

[molly muffin]

We know it is so hard Irena and we also know how much you loved Maximus and he you.
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[gummysmurf]

Irena,

I just got your PM. How could I have been so wrapped up in my own suffering that I have been clueless to what is going on with you and your sweet Maximus? We are in the same place at the same time, and you know as I do that there are just no words. I've been alone through this and sometimes I think that I'm going completely crazy. It took time after time before I worked up the courage to euthanize, and then when it came time to let them drive away with Baxter's body I made them keep stopping and re-open the door to see him again. I even went yesterday to see his body again...cremation was supposed to occur after that, but I asked them to hold off a bit longer. I can not seem to let go.

I think what makes it especially difficult for me is that I'm all alone in this in the physical sense. So many times I've wished that I had someone who would just hold me close while I cried through it. Before I always had Baxter for that. I went to the doctor the day after I lost Baxter and asked for medication. I have a two week supply of xanax. I've only taken it a couple of times, I'm saving it for when the pain is most unbearable. But I've also made it a habit of stopping by a nearby restaurant for a single margarita every night - since I'm not usually a drinker I find that it puts me out like a light. Two days after losing Baxter I went to a pet loss support group meeting held at the local vet. I don't know if it made me feel better, but it put me in touch with others who completely understand, and that in itself is a relief. Today is the first time I've woken up without that wrenching pain in my heart. Of course I did look at Baxter's picture and cry a little a few minutes ago, but I have hope that the healing is slowly beginning. Slowly. What really helped is a boxer came over to visit today. That guy bounded into my house like we were old friends, and he came over and sat in my lap and gazed into my face. He dug through Baxter's toys a bit and for a second, it was sort of like having Baxter.

I don't really know what it is I'm trying to say except that as tough as it is, we have no other choice but to take each step into the future. I'm going through it side by side with you, and I look forward to hearing your milestones as we work through the sadness together.

[Irena]

Hi Baxter's mom,

Max was my Baxter... Reading what you wrote about his personality was like reading a story about Max. I wanted to write something in your thread, but I couldn't really come up with the words. Yes, the loneliness reaches into every aspect of your life. I have Max's sister here, but there is no substitute. I am also not a drinker; started having a glass of wine every night. I was walking around the house (and driving my daughter to school and back) hiding Max's favorite toy, this rather large squeaky blue dragon, under my clothes. I am still sleeping with it. I spent hours talking to him, crying, sobbing. I all but lost my voice. I still feel so guilty over making the decision, guilty over feeling lonely, guilty and guilty and guilty, even though he had this awful, bloody, physical manifestation of suffering. Believe it or not, I saved the tissues I was using to blot up the blood from his calcinosis breakout on the last day. I hid them so that I didn't outwardly appear crazy.

Then yesterday, I went to pick up the ashes.

I cried driving there but I gathered as much composure as I could in the parking lot. I started crying when I saw the room we were last in and then completely lost it when I received the box. I made it to my car where the full scope of this horrific, incredibly embarrassing, sobfest happened. I sat there, holding him, talking and crying.

Then, I told him (and the truth of this dawned on me) that he was finally back.

The loneliness will not go away. Our hearts will never heal completely. Other friends may try to fill the spot left by our special guys, but they will just have to make a spot their own.

My Max is here now, and he's just in a different form. I know this might sound kind of sick and maybe pathetic, but I accepted this and so it is that I calmed down. I feel much less idiotic talking to a box then to thin air. I bought and filled a little glass pendant for a necklace. With his ashes, they gave us this beautiful, gorgeous, very timeless box, hand-carved and quite stunning. It's perfect for Max - he was all these things (just not hand-carved).

If you can bring yourself to do it, I encourage you to go ahead with the cremation. It might give you some sense of closure or acceptance. We didn't get to control this and in a way I'm glad. I wouldn't have known.

Most importantly, knowing that other people are going through what you're going through is comforting. However, it doesn't help the heartbreak.

All in all, I just wanted you to know that I understand what you're going through, what this loss feels like; that I lost my Baxter the Boxer and on the same day. If you need someone to talk to, I wanted you to know that I'm here. Even if it's the middle of the night, I am here and I would be more than happy to lend a listening ear. I can't heal your heart, but I can understand and share in your suffering. Eventually, hopefully we'll all be okay.

Baxter and Max wouldn't at all be pleased to have two crazy ladies walking around in robes for their people. My box told me so. ;)

Please be well and find a reason to smile. And if you need anything, know that I'm here.

[gummysmurf]

Hey Irena,

Tomorrow will be one week to the day. I'll probably be at work and if I'm lucky the hour will pass without my realizing the exact moment when Baxter took his last breath. The days are still very hard - I cry every day and look at his picture and imagine what his fur felt like under my hands and how soft his ears were when I smoothed them down and kissed the top of his head.

I know what you mean about saving the tissues - I have sheets covering his bed that are still somewhat soiled - I don't know when I will bring myself to wash them. I think I will arrange yet another "viewing" before I authorize the cremation. Incredibly morbid and I don't recommend it for anyone, and yet I am still driven to see him one final time. I haven't vacuumed my home all week. I'm so neurotic that I feel vacuuming will remove what little essence of him is left. Phew...these sad feelings overwhelm me at times and that is when I come here to the forum, to light another candle, and then gaze at my boxer's face at my blog where I chronicled his last few months. I started a book blog to write about books I'd read, and because Baxter was so sick I found myself writing about him instead. Now I'm so grateful I did, for capturing our last few months together.

Your Max and my Baxter are surely passing the time together. Max and Bax! I wanted to tell you I have that same dragon, in regular size and miniature (did you purchase from Petsmart?). Whenever I bought dog toys they were really for me, because Baxter lost interest in playing with plush toys a couple of years ago, but I would keep buying because I thought they were cute!

The day I lost Baxter I felt so desperate and lost and even though I'd decided not to ever get another dog, I changed my mind that day. I need that warmth and comfort and silliness that boxers bring. So I have to sell my condo and find somewhere new to live because my HOA doesn't allow large breed dogs! So many changes in such a short time, but I think it will help the hurt to have another boxer to love.

[milosmom]

and tomorrow will be 4 wks since my milo passed.just when i thought i was getting better i had an awful breakdown last night about 2 am...my husband just could not console me nor could meka.i am hoping that is gonna be the last one...his pictures are everywhere and i still have not taken up his bed,linens or nose smooches on the garbage pail.we all have to greif in our own way is the point i am trying to get across.you take all the time that you ladies need,and when there is a pup looking for you they will find you for certain...patty(milo)meka xoxox

[NoonelovesmelikeNorman]

Dear Irena - I am so sorry for your loss. No words can express the loss of your beloved Max. I am grieving with you and my heart feels for you. Even though I have not yet lost my Norman as I read through the posts somehow it is making me feel prepared even though I also know from reading we never are. Thank you for sharing your experiences and ways of trying cope.
Our pups energy will always be with us in our hearts and souls, the love they have demonstrated over the years has made us who we are and we are better people because them and all the experiences we have had with them. I am sorry you are alone, I wish you peace, comfort, and mercy through the upcoming days and nights. May Max's energy and love surround and comfort you. <3 and (((Hugs))) Sharon

[molly muffin]

Hi Irena,

Grief is such a personal thing, I think that everyone gets through it whatever way best suits them. This is what helps you and that isn't crazy at all.

Although grief itself can make one "feel" like they are losing it and going bonkers. It's a temporary state, as grief, I have always found, is an evolving emotion, it changes and takes on different tones and colors. Some days it's very sharp and like a knife in the heart. Other days it's a dull throb that you wonder if you will have the rest of your life. The ones that aren't so bad are when it's just bittersweet. You mourn the loss and smile at the memories. Those days can get you through the other ones.

HUGS,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[milosmom]

sharlene nicely put ...xoxox patty(milo)meka <3

[Cyn719]

So sorry about Max...sending you lots of support strength love hugs and prayers.....hold on to your beautiful memories. Xo

Hugs Cindy and bailey

[Coop]

Hi Irena

Yet another gentleman boxer left the world this week. We said goodbye to our Buddy boy just two days ago. He too had all the qualities you described in Max.

This grief in losing our very best companion is immense and I so feel for you as I too struggle through my own sorrow. There's just something about our boxer boys. I have Buddy's niece, Yana and she's a darling but so different from Buddy. The boys are the goof balls, the mum's boys, laid back cruisy guys. You've gotta love them in that special part of your heart.

Please know that my thoughts are with you through these dark days. We're in this together 'cause we know how the boxer spell winds itself around our hearts and souls.

Hugs
Claire