Jasper (12 yr old Mini Schnauzer) is now at peace

[Budsters Mom]

Hey, speak for yourself Addy! I'm not getting in the shower with you girls, but will gladly be the towel girl.;):D

Thinking of you Tina. We are here, but not all in the shower. :D


Yeah, we are all climbing in that shower with you, ok in swimsuits of course, for a big group hug, Tina. We aren't going to leave you crying in the shower all alone.

[Trish]

Eek a very strange picture popped into my head reading about the shower scene lol. Hope it's a big sure cos there's a ton of ppl wishing you and Jasper some good news and hope we hear it soon xxxxx

[Budsters Mom]

Up for a late night potty break. Me, not Rosie.;):D Anyway, I was hoping that you'd be around.

Thinking of you and sending tons of love and healing vibes your way.
ooooxxxx

Kathy

[addy]

Geez Louise, I said we had swimming suits on:)

What's a shower among friends?:D:D

Hey Tina, hope you are ok.

[Budsters Mom]

Bumping up!!!!!!

Waiting, semi-patiently for word.;)

Sending love, hugs, and healing energy.
xxxxoooo

Kathy

[Tina]

Thank you so much dear friends. It has been a tough tough past week. We had another vet visit today and the news is not good for my precious boy. :( I am having a hard time bringing myself to post the words, and hope to be able to in the next day or two.

The other horribly stressful thing that I mentioned previously is that on 6/20 I was given a 30 day notice at my job, the result of a re-evaluation of all positions that has been going on for the last 6 months or so.

After the initial shock, in addition to working, I had been trying to get my resume updated and looking for jobs, all in the midst of the latest developments with Jasper. I am not able to even think about that now, the priority is my boy. I wasn't going to mention anything about my job, but you all are my family and I felt you should know all that was going on. It is just so much to deal with. Please keep us in your prayers. xo

[kanga]

Hello welcome to the forum!

Sorry can't give you some good information about what happen to Jasper! Hope you find some good information, I pray for your doggy hope he can get better soon.

[Trish]

Hi Tina, just saw your post and wishing I was looking before when you popped in. I feel sick for you, on both fronts, hopefully when you feel up to posting we can help. Not so worried about your job because you are so awesome at what you do and I am thinking something even better will come along, something that is not so stressful. Makes my blood boil after all the extras you have put into that job and what rotten timing, big hugs for you tonight xxxx

[addy]

Oh Tina, I think Trish is right, something less stressful will come along but I know it's a shock and a big change.

If you can't write about Jasper, we understand. Just know we all care very much.

If you need us , we are all here.

Huge hugs, Tina.

[labblab]

Oh Tina, I agree with Trish 100% about your job -- I'm hoping that even a better opportunity will come your way this time around. One with less stress and far more appreciation! But in the meantime, this is such a tough spot to be in. :o :(

And as for our Jasper boy, just tell us more as you feel able. We are always here and thinking of you both. I am sending prayers and healing wishes. It sounds as though you are facing something pretty rough, so please know your family stands ready to walk alongside you every step of the way.

Love, Marianne

[DoxieMama]

Hi Tina, I have been waiting on the sidelines for your news and I'm so sorry for all the struggles. I too am sending along my prayers to you and Jasper and will continue to do so.

Hugs,
Shana

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina. So sorry.:o. This isn't the news I was hoping to hear. It does seem that life piles on the stress at the worst possible moment.:o

Yes, we do care very much about you, Jasper and Shelby. We walk along side you wherever you path leads. Our sweet Jasper is in our thoughts and prayers. Poor little guy has been through so much.

That sucks about your job. :( Again, I am so sorry.:o
((((Hugs))))

Kathy

[Joan2517]

I am also sending prayers your way. It is hard to put some news in writing as you really don't want to see it. It took me all day to post about Lena, so when you're ready, as you can see, we will all be here to comfort you.

[judymaggie]

Tina -- joining everyone in sending prayers for you and Jasper! It is difficult enough to deal with one stressful situation at a time -- more than that and we can easily go into overload.

[Budsters Mom]

Just back to check on you both this evening. Know that we care and remain here for you always.

PAWS UP JASPER!!!

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))

[Budsters Mom]

Still here Tina.

[molly muffin]

Tina, I sure do hope something even better comes your way job wise. I just know it will, somehow.

Sweetie, you know you have a wonderful "got your back" support system here whenever you need us. Whatever is going on, we will walk the walk with you.

Sending you great big virtual hugs, sure wish we where all there to give you real ones, ply you with girly drinks and just be that support system that we are already via a computer.

[Budsters Mom]

Popping back in to check for word. Still here Tina. Post when you're ready to talk. xxxxoooo

Kathy

[labblab]

Me too, Tina. I so hope you are able to feel our support even during the times that you are not here on the forum. We are with you, always.

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Tina,

Me and mine are also holding space for you and our precious boy, Jasper. Your family at K9C is here whenever you are ready to talk. We will be by your side always.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[molly muffin]

Just popping in to send you a hug today. :)

[Budsters Mom]

I'M BACK!!!!!!! Group hug automated delivery system!;)

Kathy

[Tina]

I am here and feeling all the support and hugs, thank you all so much. I certainly need it. I just haven't been able to post. Every time I try, a flood starts and I haven't been able to get it done. I will try again tonight. I can't thank you all enough, the ongoing support means more than I can say. Love and hugs to all, and please continue to keep us in your prayers, especially my sweet boy. xxoo

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina,

Thanks for checking in. Yes, tons of prayers are flooding in for you and our sweet Jasper.

[molly muffin]

Oh Tina, we are always thinking of you and your sweet boy and we worry about both of you.

It's okay not to post until you really feel that you can. Sometimes the emotions are just too overwhelming when we try to get the words out. We will be here whether you post, don't post, just read, or can't even bear to take a peek into the forum. We are Always here for you both.

Sending you big hugs.

[Budsters Mom]

Yes, a bunch of worry warts here.:o How about a condensed version with minimal details first, then you can post more as you are able.;)

We are always by your side surrounding you with love, whether you're able to log on or not. We are family. That includes all! You, of course, Jasper, Shelby and Angel Dakota. xxxooo

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina. It's just me naggy Kathy, making sure your thread stays close by and doesn't get lost on another page. Thinking of you all. xxxooo

[Budsters Mom]

Back again...

[Budsters Mom]

It's me again. Thinking of you both.

[addy]

Sweetie, just know we all love you and Jasper.

I know very well of coming here to write to our dear family only to literally freeze up and not be able to type one single word.

Means you are not ready and that's okay.

So we will just pop in to let you know we care. No pressure to respond, Tina. We care too much to make it hard.

All our love.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina,

It appears that Addy is ever so nicely hinting for me to back off a little and give you space to post when you're ready. So, I am going to try to do that. The operative word is try.;) xxxooo

[Budsters Mom]

Bumping up!! Thinking of you and our sweet Jasper.

[Budsters Mom]

Checking in....Thinking of you both.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina, Just checking on you before I head off to sleep. I'll be back tomorrow. ;) xxxxoooo

[Budsters Mom]

Back as promised.;) I'm going to keep returning. You are not alone. We are here to walk beside you. Know that.;)

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((hugs))))))))

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((hugs)))))))

[Budsters Mom]

(((((((hugs))))))))

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina,
It's been 13 days without a word. Needless to say, I am worried and hope that you are OK. :o:o:o:o I REALLY have tried to be patient and give you some space, but that's not in my nature. :o

I have posted 14 times! I'm teetering on being a stalker!!!!! :eek::eek::eek:

Hugs to all,
Kathy

[Tina]

Dearest Friends,

Thank you all so much for checking in and the ongoing continuous support. (((huge hugs))). Kathy, a special thanks to you. No, I don't feel like you are stalking. I appreciate your vigilance so much.

I have been struggling to manage everything with Jasper, and have had so much negative sh*t going on, especially with my job ending and all that involves. I have not intended to be absent here, I just haven't been able to post. You all are a huge support, and I think I need it more than ever now.

There has been a new development with Jasper this morning related to the lump on his head. I was trying to wait to take him to the vet until tomorrow when my vet is working. The staff think I need to bring him today so we will have to see another vet, not our own. Please keep us in your prayers, I am not sure what the outcome of this appt will be. I am so scared and so torn with what is best for him at the moment. Our appt is at 4 cst. Please please keep us in your prayers. xo

[Squirt's Mom]

You got it, Tina...prayers rising and healing, comforting energies flying yours and Jasper's way. Let us know what you learn when you can, sweetie.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[DoxieMama]

Thinking of you and sending the best of thoughts!

Hugs, Shana

[labblab]

Oh goodness, Tina, so grateful I saw your note because it should just now be 4:00 your time. Holding both you and Jasper in my heart.

[Budsters Mom]

Were here Tina. Thanks for checking in.

Rosie and I are dog/house sitting for about a week, but I will be checking in often. Tons of love, support and healing energy surround you and our precious Jasper. You will do what's right for him because you always have. I don't doubt that for a second.

PAWS UP JASPER BOY!!!
((((Hugs)))))

[judymaggie]

Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you and Jasper!

[Harley PoMMom]

Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers, too.

[Joan2517]

Same from me!

[Tina]

Thank you all so much. Well, my boy came home with me today, which I was not sure would happen. I am grateful beyond words. The back up vet was awesome and told me she read his whole chart covering the past few months so she would know all that has been going on with him.

I will try to fill in the blanks a bit since my last post without bawling. These words have been so hard to say. Even though the pathology report did not show any cancer cells, my vet feels that it is likely cancer that is causing the fluid filled lump on his head.

After the lump got larger and thicker, I took him back in for follow up, that was on July 6. My vet drained quite a bit of fluid from the lump, and it deflated almost completely but filled right back up, which is not a good sign. She also got a few additional xrays that we could get without anesthesia. They showed a mass or fluid completely filling his right frontal sinus, where the left side was completely clear. They also revealed that the bone over the right frontal sinus was clearly not a solid intact line like on the left, so that is where the fluid was leaking through due to loss of bone integrity. :( I was just devastated to see that. Based on these xrays, she said she was very worried that it was cancer. The only treatment is radiation, which is grueling, and Jasper is not a good candidate due to all of his other health issues. She said the goal now would be to keep him comfortable and that it would be palliative care. :(

He has been doing pretty well overall since then, although the lump has continued to gradually get larger as my vet said it would. He has not seemed to be uncomfortable or in pain. We started him on Tramadol 25 mg every 8-12 hrs on July 12 to manage any pain he may have. I have been giving it consistently every 12 hrs.

This morning after we got up, I noticed he was snorting a little and sneezed a couple of times, and noticed that there seemed to be some drainage from his nose, which he has not had before. When I wiped it, it was reddish brown. A little later it looked more reddish. At first I panicked, but then it seemed to stop for a bit. I knew my vet was not working today, so I watched him for a couple of hours, and then called to see about getting an appt with my vet for tomorrow. The staff felt I should bring him in today but I was reluctant to see a vet that was not familiar with him.

I went ahead and took him in and like I said, the back up vet was awesome. She feels that since the fluid is coming through his nose now that this indicates that further bone deterioration has occurred in his sinuses due to the tumor. :( :mad: This of course was my fear. The bleeding/fluid had stopped for a couple hours before I took him in, and was very minimal during the time he was at his appt. She felt he was doing pretty good today overall, and likely would do ok tomorrow also as long as the bleeding continued to be minimal and intermittent and we were able to get it to stop. So it is truly one day at a time at this point. I know our time is very short and am just sick of course. I am shattered with this latest development as he had been doing so well as of last night. It is devastating. I am working to stop the worrying and to enjoy every minute with him, which as you all know is so incredibly hard. My job hunting is on hold a bit right now for obvious reasons. I am in no shape to even think about that currently. I'm angry beyond words that this is happening to him. He has endured so much already. As if he hasn't been through enough. So please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Thank you all so much, I know that each and every one of you understand, and it means so much.

With love and hugs,

Tina and my beautiful precious Jasper xo

[Budsters Mom]

Thank you so much for coming back and updating for us. I know how incredibly hard that was to do.

Yes, I most certainly understand the difficulty of pushing worry aside and enjoying every minute together. I so wish that I would have done better in that regard. Jasper is blessed to have you at his side. He is loved beyond words and knows it. That's all he really wants or needs. His mama.

You are not alone my dear. You have us by your side every moment. I'll check back in the morning.

((((((Hugs)))))))

[Trish]

Hey, checking in to see if you were about. Not the news your or us were wanting. But pleased to hear our boy is still holding his own and is comfortable, long may it continue. Big hugs xxxxx

[labblab]

Tina, I am here, too. Right by your side. You are being strong for Jasper, and we are being strong for you. Any time you need us, just close your eyes and let us lift you up. Please give Jasper an enormous hug for all his family here. We love you both dearly!

[Joan2517]

I'm so sorry, Tina...my prayers are with you and Jasper. Sometimes life is just not fair.

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Tina,

First, many hugs to you and belly rubs to Jasper. I know how terrifying and devastating a cancer diagnosis is to all connected.

From now on, live in the moment, doing your best not to look at the next minute, day, week, or month. Just right now is all that matters....right now is all any of us are promised. Do the things you and Jasper love most, give him the foods he loves most, talk to him constantly always letting him know how grateful you are for this moment with him. Hug him, hold him, carry him, touch him as much as possible, spoil him rotten every minute of the day. Be positive and upbeat for both of your sakes - even if you have to fake it, which you will.

When those times come in which you are simply over-come and cannot pretend one second longer, find your quiet, safe space and fall apart. Cry, sob, scream, barter, bargain, beat your fists on the wall, break something - whatever it takes so that you can return to Jasper with a smile and hug. Where ever that quiet, safe place is you tape a note to the wall that says, "I am not alone" - and know deep in your Soul that is a truth no one and nothing can take from you.

More hugs and belly rubs,
Leslie and the gang

[Joan2517]

I do all my crying and screaming in the car...of course it works better at night when no one can see you...it's a little embarrassing in the morning when people stare at me.

[DoxieMama]

Oh Tina, I'm sorry to hear this news... but thank you for having the courage and strength to come and share it with us. Now we know how to pray and can stand with you and Jasper, holding you both close. Many hugs for both of you. Group hugs are the best.

Shana

[judymaggie]

My heart goes out to you and Jasper -- it is so hard to be strong under these circumstances but we know you can be that person for Jasper. Hold him close and please give him a hug from us!

[molly muffin]

Tina {{{{HUGS}}}} crap and crap again. Anger is natural. It is so unfair after you have both survived so much.
Every day and minute counts for so much. I know you will enjoy every single moment with him.

[addy]

Tina, life deals some unfair turns and I understand how unfair this is for Jasper.

We will always be here for you and Jasper. We hold you both close to our hearts.

I have no wise words, just that I care.

[Budsters Mom]

Yes, we care sooooo much Tina. (((((((Hugs)))))))

[Budsters Mom]

(((((((hugs))))))

Thinking of you both.

[Harley PoMMom]

Hugs and loving hugs from me too.

[DoxieMama]

Thinking of you, Tina. ((hugs))

[Budsters Mom]

It's just me hanging around Tina.;)

[Budsters Mom]

Guess who???

[Budsters Mom]

Good morning Tina! Still me!!!! :cool:

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

[Budsters Mom]

Still me!! Because I care so very much. ;)

[Budsters Mom]

I lit a candle for you and Jasper on our candle lighting page.

Thinking of you both. xxxooo

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

[Budsters Mom]

I'm back!!!! XXXXXOOOOO

[Budsters Mom]

Okay my dear, I know you're there. Saw your light on.;) Yes, definitely stalking. :eek::eek: Anyway, I'm here and I care. xxxxoooo

[DoxieMama]

Okay my dear, I know you're there. Saw your light on.;) Yes, definitely stalking. :eek::eek: Anyway, I'm here and I care. xxxxoooo

Sticking my nose in.... I see you're here Kathy, and Tina is as well. Group hugs, cause they're the best. :)

[Tina]

Thank you for the support and hugs everyone, and Kathy, thanks for keeping the doors to our thread open!! You're a doll to check in on us so regularly, and all of the hugs are definitely received. Yes, Shana, group hugs are fabulous, thank you!

I am working on an update for Jasper, but need to go figure out what I might hopefully get him to eat for supper tonight. Yes, we are struggling with that again. But just briefly, I will let you know that he seems to be holding his own for the time being other than the eating issue, at least today. He has not experienced any more of the nasal bleeding or drainage like what occurred on 7/26, thank God. I cannot express how relieved I am about that.

So I will be back later tonight to update with more specifics, but wanted to check in real quick.

Thank you again for all the prayers, good wishes and support.

Tina and Jasper xo

[Budsters Mom]

So happy to see you!! :):)Ever so happy to hear that our boy is hanging in there. :p:p

Would an appetite stimulant help, or is Jasper already on one? It's so hard to know what to do. It's hard when they need meds and won't eat enough. Particularly if they have to be dosed with food. Even Monkey Girl can be difficult at times. She's picky and often skips meals altogether, so she misses her allergy meds, then ends up scratching and biting all night. Little turkey! Our sweet Jasper has a good reason for not wanting to eat. Rosie's just a spoiled rotten little Monkey/Diva. She is running the show. No doubt about it.

I'll check back in a little later for that update. xxxooo
,

[Budsters Mom]

Back to read Jasper's update before bed. :confused: I'll pop in tomorrow. xxxooo

[labblab]

Oh Tina, I'm so relieved to read that Jasper's holding his own!!!! This is a great way to start out my morning! :) ;)

Thank you so much for letting us know, and I'm sending huge hugs your way!

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Good to hear from you, Tina, and especially good to hear sweet Jasper has had no more bleeding! We are here when you are ready and able to talk...and always by your side, sweetie, always.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[molly muffin]

Hi Tina, thrilled to read that Jasper is hanging in there and not having any more of those nasty drainage episodes. It is daunting isn't it, when something goes so badly wrong and talking about it just, I don't know, makes it real, makes it hurt more, all of those? We totally get that around this joint. :) Doesn't mean we aren't here for you though, any time at all. :)

Big HUGS!

[Budsters Mom]

Bumping up..... Waiting for Tina

[Budsters Mom]

Bumping up....Jasper stays on page 1!!! Tina will be back!!! ;)

[Tina]

Oh my gosh you guys, so sorry I have not been able to get back here with Jasper's update. My darling boy is hanging in overall. We had a few rough days last weekend and the beginning of the week, but he has seemed to feel a bit better again the past couple of days thankfully. I am praying that it continues. One day at a time.

We have had some horrible storms here lately, the worst one occurring on Tuesday night 8/23. We had 96mph straight line winds and there was significant damage in my neighborhood. It literally felt like the house was going to blow down, so scary. Back in May there was a horrible storm and hail that caused a lot of damage to my roof and fence and I still hadn't been able to get all that fixed. So this most recent storm kind of finished the job on a lot of things. I have been overwhelmed with clean up, dealing with repair contractors and my insurance company, looking for a job, and Jasper.

I'm in the process of working on an online job application. It has been a little complicated and I'm a bit technically challenged by the process. Updating my resume was challenging enough! I hope I can get it all completed and submitted some time later today.

I'm working hard to focus on the positives, as I know everything can always be worse. I know there are other areas that have experienced devastating storm damage lately, so I feel lucky that my situation is not worse or more expensive than it is. And of course I am so grateful that Jasper is hanging in as well as he is.

I am hoping to get back here with specifics on Jasper and to get caught up on the forum after I get that dang job application submitted. I'm thinking of you all. Thank you as always for keeping us in your prayers.

Love and hugs from me and Jasper xo

[Squirt's Mom]

My goodness.....you have more than enough on your plate, sweetie! :( Those storms can be horrible but I am very glad they didn't do more damage to your property nor you or Jasper. And I hope all the repairs are soon done so that at least is no longer a concern. I also pray you get this job! Most of all, I am glad to hear from you and to hear that our precious boy is doing alright. Hopefully that will continue for a long time to come.

Remember when you are overwhelmed, we are always here to hold your hand, listen, and lift you up in any way we can.
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[Harley PoMMom]

((((Hugs))))

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina,

Thank you so much for checking in with so much going on. We do worry, after all.:o I am so sorry that you are having to struggle with so many issues, but also relieved to hear that Jasper is still hanging in there. He certainly is a trooper, that's for sure.

PAWS UP JASPER BOY!!
xxxxoooo

[Budsters Mom]

Thinking of you and our sweet boy.

[molly muffin]

Hey ya Tina. How are you and Jasper and Shelby doing?

[Budsters Mom]

OK Tina. I know you are there. I have been as patient as I am able, which isn't very patient.:o What about Jasper and how are you? xxxooo

[Tina]

Thanks guys. We are not having such a good day today. He seems to suddenly have colitis now since late this morning. He had been pretty stable in that area for the last few months. Also threw up one time this afternoon. :( So it's touch and go right now. Started metronidazole immediately and it seems like it is kicking in. I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow so will see about updating more then. xo

[labblab]

Ah darn it!! :( :(

Surely hoping the metronidazole will turn things around for our sweet Jasper boy. Sending many healing wishes flying your way, Tina!

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

I hope this morning has brought improvements for our sweet boy, Tina. Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers!

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[addy]

Hi Tina,

Sorry to read about Jasper's flare up. I'm crossing my fingers that the metronidazole kicks in.

Thinking of you both

[molly muffin]

Oh Tina, sorry to hear that Jasper might be having colitis problems. I too hope he is feeling better today.
I know how worrying it is when they aren't well, but I also know he has the best mum ever taking care of him.
Hugs!

[Tina]

Thanks all. Made it through the night with no more poo or vomiting so that is good. Will see if I can get him to eat more chicken and rice in a bit. Oh my goodness Sharlene dear, thank you for stopping in, but don't worry about us right now, you just focus all your energy on darling Molly. You have enough on your mind at the moment! xo

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina, I only have a few seconds to post right now, as I am on my break, Thank you, thank you, thank you for updating us on our Sweet Jasper. So sorry that he's still stuggling. More later sweetie.

[Budsters Mom]

I'm home from work and watching over Jasper and Molly. I hope Jasper was able to eat a little somthing and his tummy settles quickly.

PAWS UP JASPER BOY!!!

(((((Hugs))))))

[Squirt's Mom]

Hoping today is a better day for our sweet boy!

[DoxieMama]

Hi Tina,
How is Jasper doing? Keeping you both in my thoughts.
Shana

[Tina]

Thank you all. The colitis seems to be stabilizing. I am continuing with the chicken and rice for now, I want to see a somewhat normal poo before I start to transition back to his canned prescription lowfat diet. He was pretty cleaned out so it might take a little bit longer for things to start up again.

After he had the horrible bleeding from his nose episode at the end of July, the lump on his head deflated significantly and actually stayed smaller for a couple of weeks. I was so hopeful that it would just stay that size, but it gradually started getting larger again, indicating that more fluid from the mass in his sinus was seeping through the bone. :(

I took him in to the vet last Friday 9/2 to have her check it, and she agreed that it was worth a shot to try to drain some of the fluid out to see if some of the pressure would be relieved. She was able to get 15cc of very thick red gelatinous fluid out, which is quite a bit. It was difficult to draw out since it was so thick. Jasper tolerated this well, but was starting to get uncomfortable since it was taking so long. She felt there was probably about 30cc still in there, which is a huge amount for the area. The lump itself is about the size of a large walnut right now. She said the next time she will try a larger needle. I know this sounds painful but all along he has not acted like the lump is very painful, and she agrees that it doesn't seem to bother him to do this procedure. He really only acts uncomfortable if I try to mess with it, like when I check it to see if it has grown. I mostly leave it alone.

My vet had been a little reluctant to try to drain it because she said it would probably fill right back up, and that is a big concern. So it has been a little scary. It has been a week and today I notice that it is already starting to get larger again. :( So I think we will have to try to drain it again in a shorter time frame than after he had the nose bleed. She indicated that she was willing to try this as long as he was doing relatively well otherwise and was eating good, etc. I'm so thankful it doesnt seem to hurt him or it would be out of the question. Not really any other options right now.

Over the past month or so I have noticed that he seems skinny along his back and hips, the bones are protruding quite a bit now. He hasn't lost weight at this point which is good. She said it is due to loss of muscle mass because the cancer sucks all the protein out of his system. I'm supposed to try to feed him more of the canned food, but that's a tall order as I usually struggle to get him to finish already. Hopefully after this colitis is all resolved I will be able to get him back on his food and eating more. He sleeps a lot, but has been doing that for quite some time, way before we found the lump on his head.

So that is where we are at. I haven't heard back yet from the job that I applied for. I am hoping they call for an interview, I feel that it would be a good fit for me. So just waiting on that. If I haven't heard anything by early next week I think I will call to check on the status of my application.

I have been getting a hassle from my insurance company regarding coverage for the storm damage to my home and fence. It has been very time consuming and stressful with multiple phone calls. They are going to send out another adjuster for a re-inspection of everything. My roofing contractor is shocked at their response and will be out here to meet with them next time, he feels there is no question about any of the damage, so I am hoping this will be resolved soon.

Thank you all for all the kind words, prayers and positive thoughts. One day at a time, and I am grateful for every minute with my precious boy. I love him so much, he's my world. xo

[Squirt's Mom]

It's good to hear from you, Tina, and good to know Jasper's digestive system seems to be calming down. Hopefully he will be able to eat the canned with no further problems.

I know how worrisome these knots and lumps can be. Squirt was covered with them the last years of her life and she had one right on top of her head that would rupture then refill. Doc told me the same thing - we could drain it but it would just fill back up. So I decided to let nature handle it. After quite a while, it ruptured then didn't refill ever again. The others just got slowly bigger - but they were a different kind from the one on her head; they were lipomas. Just by feel you could tell they were not the same as the one on her head.

I hope things continue to go well for you and your boy - that he stabilizes and remains so for some time and that you get this job. If they don't hire you, they will be missing out on a fabulous employee.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[DoxieMama]

Good that he is eating, hasn't lost weight and tolerates that procedure. I'm not sure I'd be so patient with someone sticking a needle in my head!

Hope you get that phone call you're waiting for, and that the insurance situation is resolved and your home fixed soon.

Hugs,
Shana

[Budsters Mom]

Thank you so much for the update Tina. I'm relieved to hear that he's eating. I continue to be on Molly and Jasper watch. That means Sharlene and Tina watch too.;) xxxooo

[molly muffin]

Always good to hear that Jasper is eating and doing better.
Let us know how he does. :) and you!! how you are doing is important too. This sort of thing takes alot out of the people too.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina, Thinking of you and our precious Jasper boy. xxxoooo

[addy]

Me too, Tina, hope Jasper is ok, hope the job situation improved and that dang insurance adjuster stops giving you a hard time.

[Budsters Mom]

Yo Tina! Just want you to know that I remain here for you and Jasper all the way!;) xxxxoooo

[Budsters Mom]

Thinking of you, Jasper and Shelby. So, I'm bumping you up, so you can easily find your thread, when you return. ;)

[Budsters Mom]

Well, it's time to bump you up again. ;) Still here Tina.

[molly muffin]

Just stopping in to say hello and hope that Jasper and you are doing well.

[Budsters Mom]

Still watchful waiting. Because I care. ((((((Hugs))))))

[Budsters Mom]

Yo Tina! I'm still here!!!! ((((Hugs)))))

[Budsters Mom]

Bumping up!!! Tina will be back!!! ;)

[molly muffin]

We are all always here for you Tina

[Budsters Mom]

Tina will be back!!! I will wait semi-patiently for her. Tap, tap, tap...

Thinking of you, Jasper and Shelby.

[molly muffin]

Hi Tina, just popping in to say hello and see how you and Jasper are doing. :) HUGS

[Budsters Mom]

I miss you Tina. :o

[Budsters Mom]

I refuse to let Jasper's thread end up on another page again.:o Soooo, I"m still waiting for Tina to return to us, when she's ready. She will be back. I know it!

[Budsters Mom]

Bumping up!!! Jasper stays on page 1!!!

[Budsters Mom]

Bumping up again! :o

[Budsters Mom]

Back again, and again, and again. I'm here Tina. Always.
Thinking of you all.

[Budsters Mom]

I'm not giving up Tina. I know you will be back when ready. Thinking of you all. xxxxoooo

[Tina]

Hi everyone,

I have been intending to post when I had some good news to share, I feel like things have been so dismal for so long. It's been pretty tough to be positive about anything and I feel like I am always whining. I do want to share that I got a job finally. I started a little over a month ago, it's a huge relief of course. Like clockwork Jasper had a really bad setback my first week. :( He got unstable with his Addison's and was very sick. Somehow I managed to not miss any work. I think I am going to like the job, but I am finding there is an enormous amount to learn, and honestly, it has been very difficult. And it seems like they feel I should be on my own completely already. It has been very stressful and that is an understatement. And Jasper has been up and down for the past month. I have been exhausted trying to manage everything. I knew I should have posted about a week or so ago when he was feeling better.

He has really been not good the past couple of days, but he has good days and bad days so I was only a little worried. I noticed this morning that he seemed really low energy and kind of a little out of it. I had to work today, it is not a holiday at my new company. When I got home, things were clearly not good. He didn't greet me at the door like usual, but this has happened a couple of random times before. But it seems like something has changed with him since last night or even this morning. He just seems different. Not really happy to see me.

The lump on his head has continued to very gradually get larger and today for the first time I think he is in pain. :( :mad: I think when I posted last we were going to try to drain the fluid from it periodically. Well, when I took him in that last time, my vet was not able to get any fluid out, it was too thick. So she said that trying to drain it was no longer an option. We were at the end of the road for anything more. That was the middle of September, and I remember I felt very panicky after that appt. But I have slowly adjusted to the fact that nothing more could be done with that evil mass on his head. I feel like it is some sort of insidious alien monster that is invading his precious little body and trying to steal him from me. And now it is has gotten large enough that it is painful. I'm sure it must be causing a lot of pressure. But it truly has not seemed to bother him until now.

I have been bawling almost constantly since I got home from work. My vet is working tomorrow, and we have an appt at 11:30. I am fearing the worst of course. I really don't even know how I am able to type this right now but wanted to get something posted. And this time I am not able to hide my crying from him, thank God he is sleeping soundly right now. I am a total wreck. I feel so alone. :(

I have been reading the Holidays can be hard thread from time to time, and have been crying my eyes out with everyone. Yesterday I silently pulled up a chair with you all since I was here alone, but I just couldn't bring myself to post. And now things are worse today.

Thank you all for your posts of support during the time I haven't been on the forum much. Please keep us in your prayers. We need them more than ever now. I am so scared.

[molly muffin]

Oh god Tina. I am sorry things are. It good with Jasper and I am hoping for the best when you go to the vet tomorrow. Know that worry oh so well. It doesn't go away it just pulls up a chair and sits with you no matter what you are doing. I wish you weren't alone going through all this. That makes it harder. You are not alone in spirit though as we ar all right here with you. Worrying for jasper. Worrying for you.

I'm glad you found a job. That is a plus. New jobs can be difficult to adjust to and I hope you find your way soon so that it will be easier. I wish you is had more help during this new phase.

I don't like that thing on Jasper's head either. Bugger it all.

No matter what tomorrow or the next day brings sometimes it just helps to be able to talk with others who understand. That is where we come in. We are here and you can always find us when you need us and sweetie it isn't bad to need that connection with another human who gets it. Vent, yell, cry we will do the same right along with you.

I bawled and screamed, swore everything that last week with Molly. I made deals with the devil I think just for more time. so please let us be here for you as you have been for many of us ver the vet years.
Right now I am crying right along with you.
Love ya Tina. Hugs to you and a belly rub to jasper

[Budsters Mom]

Oh sweet girl, My tears flow along with yours. :o I am so sorry that you are having to do this alone. I know that feeling, oh so well. Know that we are here and you don't have to ever be alone, if you don't want to be. I have been trying to keep tabs on you, posting regularly to remind you that I care so much about you, Jasper and Shelby.

I am so glad that you found a job, but I know how gut wrenching and worrisome it is to have to leave a sick baby at home to go to work.:o

Do not worry about whining and crying to us. We want to hear from you. We will be here for as long as you want or need us to be. Forever family. We love him too!

I'll be back to check on you first thing in the morning. The east coast morning shift will probably beat me to it. Breathe deep. You will get through this awful night. Jasper loves you so much and appreciates everything you have done for him. Always know that! xxxooo

Kathy

[labblab]

Morning shift is right here!! Tina, my heart is right there alongside you, as well. I want to second everything that Sharlene and Kathy have written. I hope you know you are never truly alone because your family here is always alongside you in heart and spirit. No matter what happens today, we are right there by your side.

Sending enormous hugs to both you and sweetie Jasper ~

[addy]

Tina, I am so sorry to hear of Jasper not feeling well. That lump mystifies me and I am really sorry to hear it is now causing him pain.

I'm hoping the Addisons issue works itself out and he improves.

Whatever journey lies ahead for you and Jasper, we will all travel it with you. I know how hard it is for you to write so we will write to let you know we are all here. Kathy never lets your thread slip off to page two, she faithfully bumps it up to let you know how important you and Jasper are.

We hold you both close to our hearts .

[Squirt's Mom]

aw sweet Tina, it breaks my heart to hear about our precious boy. :( He is in the very best of hands, there is no doubt about that. The K9C angels are with you, all around you and Jasper. Please know you are never alone, Tina, never. And I'm really glad you sat with us Thanksgiving - we give each other strength and courage to keep going. We are sitting with you now.

I am very glad about the job. Just keep plugging - things will click into place for you soon. ;)

Please let us hear from you when you can.
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[Budsters Mom]

I'm up and hanging with the morning shift. Thanks gals!!! ;) We are all right there with you in spirit. Surrounding you and sweet Jasper with our strength and love.

You were such a help to me with Buddy's journey. All of you were. Staying with me as a lifeline. I will never forget how you were all there day and night to take shifts to reach out. We are here for you now in the same way. Whatever unfolds, we will be there. If you close your eyes and breathe, you'll even be able to feel us.

Gals, I have hot coffee, tea and cappuccino, while we wait. Marianne always has chocolate.;)

[labblab]

Chocolate indeed! ;)

A guest brought a yummy hostess gift on Thursday -- a can of Trader Joe's Cocoa Batons ("delicate rolled wafers filled with rich chocolate cream"). Since I know where to get more, I'm quite willing to be generous this morning...

But in all seriousness, Tina, we'll all be checking in throughout the day and hoping so much that things are OK.

[Budsters Mom]

Nothing much more to add that hasn't already been said, so I'll just hang out for a while. ;)

[Tina]

Thank you all so much. He is not good this morning, which has blended into last night. I just sat here all night and watched and listened to him sleep. So grateful that he can even relax enough to sleep. The head hurts him for sure. Very hard for me to stop crying.

We need to leave in less than an hour. I'm going to see if he will let me hold him. xoxo to you all, and thank you for being here for me. No one else knows what is going on with him now, I just can't bear to speak about it to anyone else.

[Budsters Mom]

I'm here, crying along with you right now. So, so, hard! I know you won't let Jasper suffer or stay in pain. We are with you! We love you both! xxxooo

[Budsters Mom]

Still here Tina. Don't worry about posting. Just know we are here for support, so check in whenever you feel up to it, or just read along. So wish I could physically be there to sit with you right now. xxxoooo

[labblab]

Me too. I am here too.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Marianne!!! Thanks for keeping me company.;)

I posted on Luna's thread. I hope she's better!

Rosie and I are hanging out hoping to see some rain. Weather reports indicate a storm rolling in this afternoon. It could be an April fools joke, except it is not April. We'll see? Rosie loves the rain. She'll stand out there while It pours on top of her. Silly little monkey.:eek: Buddy hated it. He'd have to be pushed out the door. He would then plaster himself against the wall while he did his business, then run in for his life. LOL :D They are so different.

As you can tell, I'm chatting with myself to keep this thread open. Feel free to join in. ;) I'll be back in a few.

[labblab]

Hey Kathy, saw your note on Luna's thread -- I'll update soon. We are basically doing fine. And the forecasters are saying we may finally have a chance for rain next week, too. Fingers crossed.

And fingers still crossed for you and Jasper, Tina. And toes, too. :o

[Budsters Mom]

Well, no rain yet? Heading out for a bit. Will be back soon.

Yes, fingers, toes and paws crossed for you and Jasper boy. :o

[addy]

Checking back in on Tina and Jasper before we go grocery shopping.
Bad thing about not hosting Thanksgiving, no left overs:(

[Tina]

My precious beautiful baby boy has left me and this earthly life behind and is at peace. His poor little body wouldn't let him stay, and I couldn't ask any more of him. Tonight and forever, he walks in stardust.

As much as I tried to prepare, I am beyond devastated and can't stop crying.

[labblab]

Tina, wrapping my arms around you and joining you in tears. We love you, and will always love Jasper right alongside you. I cannot tell you how sorry I am.

[molly muffin]

Oh Tina. I am so very very sorry. There is no way to prepare. It just is horrible. My heart goes out to you.
Hugs and more hugs

[addy]

I'm so sorry, Tina. Holding you close.

[Trish]

Awww Tina, come over here and get a great big hug... we love you and Jasper... and sending him off to that great big doggy playground is the hardest thing to do HUGS HUGS HUGS but you stayed strong all the way, you are awesome xxxx

[Budsters Mom]

Oh Tina, tears are flowing right alongside you. For you, for Jasper and for all our angel pups. As Sharlene said, it's impossible to be prepared. Our love and bonds reach deep within our souls. Jasper boy is now pain free and puppy like once more. His pain has gone, but yours in just beginning. Please let us walk this Journey with you while Jasper gets to know Angel Dakota and all the others. Hugs to you and Shelby. xxxxoooo

[Joan2517]

Tina, I am so sorry...I've been following and hoping that Jasper would recover. My heart goes out to you.

[Budsters Mom]

Tonight, our sweet Jasper is the biggest, brightest, star in the sky. Shining for all to see. xxxooo

[Budsters Mom]

Hey Tina, it's getting late, so I'm going to sign off for the night. I'll be back in the morning. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I hope you manage to get some rest. You must be exhausted. Cuddle up to Shelby. Let her help you. ;) xxxooo

[DoxieMama]

Oh Tina, I am so sorry. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Fly free, sweet Jasper. Fly free.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina,

I'm up for a middle of the potty break and thought I'd check on you. I recall many nights when you would be up on a potty break and join our discussions. I miss the night shift with Mel and Trish.

I lit a candle for you and Jasper. He is pretty popular on the candle site tonight. Our boy has four candles lit. xxxooo

[labblab]

Dawn is breaking here on the east coast. Soon it will be light there on the prairie, too. Thinking of you, Tina, and of Jasper and Shelby. Hoping you may be getting some rest. But either way, asleep or awake, we're right here beside you.

Sending a million hugs across the miles.

[addy]

Thinking of you Tina.

Hugs to you and Shelby.

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Tina,

Being prepared is just not possible I've decided. We just can't truly understand the agony of loss til it is here...then all our preparation flies out the window like so much confetti. Especially when the bond shared is one so special. You gave Jasper every thing possible to make his life the very best it could be every single day. He knows this, he knows how very much you love him and returns that love over and over again.

He was such a trooper, he fought every fight before him with you by his side. When no more could be done, you gave him his health and youth back again. Today he is free of all the tests, meds, vet visits, and other stressors; he is running wild and free in the Rainbow Fields with so many of our babies. He was met not only by all those who knew and loved him in this life, but by a whole host of cush pups who are teaching him the ropes. One day, Tina, when our jobs here on Earth are done we will be with our babies again and when that happens nothing will ever come between us again. I firmly believe this. Til then, our every tear honors them and the love we share.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Trinket, Sophie, Fox and all our Angels




Rainbow Bridge
Author unknown

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth.
It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors.
Just this side of the Rainbow there is a land of meadows,
hills and valleys with lush green grass.

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place.
There is always food and water and warm spring weather.
The old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed
are made whole again. They play all day with each other.

There is only one thing missing. They are not with their special
person who loved them on Earth. So, each day they run and play
until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up!
The nose twitches! The ears are up!
The eyes are staring! And this one suddenly runs from the group!

You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet,
you take him or her in your arms and embrace.
Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look
once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.

Then you cross the Bridge together
never again to be separated.

[Budsters Mom]

Good morning Tina,
I do hope you were able to get a bit of rest. If not, it'll come. Have you eaten anything? Maybe just a bite or two, if you're able. How is Shelby doing this morning? I think our pups already know what's coming and accept it much better than we do.

It's back to work tomorrow after a week off. You would think that I would be smart and divvy up my chores to do a few a day. Unfortunately, I wasn't that smart, so today I have tons of them to do. I just strained my back flipping a mattress. I'm getting too old to do that stuff anymore, but I hate to admit it. Things have to get done, as you very well know. I don't have any big, strong, strapping people, to flip the mattress is for me. :o

I'll be checking in here often throughout the day. Staying right by your side.;) Please leave a short message if you feel up to it. If not that's OK too. Either way, I'll be back. xxxxxooooo

[Budsters Mom]

I'm back.:). Just wanted to let you know!!! xxxooo

[Tina]

Thank you so much everyone. As expected, the first night without him and first morning waking up without him has been absolutely horrid. I was able to get just a couple hours of sleep in between crying. As tired as I am, I woke up on my own at our usual middle of the night pit stop time, but there was nobody who needed to go out. Nobody in his spot on the bed. I slept with his collar. I feel like that is all I have left right now, and I'm carrying it in my pocket. :(

His absence in the house is overwhelming, and I don't feel comfortable in my own house. I went outside for a while and his absence in his back yard is overwhelming also, so I went out front and sat there for most of the morning. He didn't really spend much time in the front yard so that was better. The cold actually felt kind of good. Then it started raining so I ended up in the garage. He didn't spend any time there so I'm not as keenly aware of his absence there. I am lost without my boy. I know that each of you have been where I am and completely understand all this.

I have no idea how I am going to be able to manage my job tomorrow, or even get myself there. I just feel like crawling into a hole or something. I'm in the horrible position of being in a new job where I can't miss any time. :mad: I don't want to have to talk to any of those people, about anything. They don't know me, and they don't deserve to know anything about my boy. I so wish I could just stay home with Shelby tomorrow but I can't. She seems to be doing ok. She has done a bit of looking for him, but not much so far. Just on my heels every minute. Poor darling probably wonders if I'm going to take her somewhere and not bring her back.

I have candles burning for him in the house, and I appreciate the candles on the site. I had lit one there for him yesterday, it is comforting somehow. I hope and pray with all my being that my Angel Dakota and Peg and all your other babies have grabbed him and are there to show him the ropes. He never liked to be alone. I can't bear the thought of him being in a strange place without me and wondering why I have left him. I cannot stop crying.

Love you all, and I truly don't know what I would do without your support and kind words. xoxo

[Budsters Mom]

There's no need to worry about Jasper ever being alone again. He is surrounded by all of our beloved babies. Buddy probably already has him smiling and chasing rainbow lizards in the fields. ;) No more meds, or pain, just tons of healthy pups to romp and snuggle with.

I get wanting to keep others, who don't know Jasper from knowing anything. I went back to work after losing Buddy in the Summer. I already had Rosie, but I kept Buddy's journey to myself. He was mine, all mine, and I didn't want to go there, when others didn't know him. Yes, they knew me, but that didn't seem to make any difference.

You will somehow push through and get through your work day tomorrow and days to come. You won't be alone. We will will be right there with you with all the strength and support you need.

I am glad to hear that Shelby seems to doing okay.

I'll check back in a little while. xxxxoooo

[molly muffin]

Checking in on you Tina as you did so many times for me and Molly and after she passed. There are a lot of bright stars in the sky tonight with all our angels up there. So many, too many. I looked up and talked to Molly for a bit. Told her to look out for your Jasper and play with him. Tell him he is missed and loved.
All our babies that we miss so much. I'm sure they will have found each other. In my head it is always a perfect day with lots of wonderful smells to explore and they get together and tell stories of their people. Look down on us and feel sad that we hurt and miss them so much because they miss us too.
Hugs

[labblab]

Oh Tina, for me upon losing Barkis and Peg, I do believe awakening the first morning after was absolutely the hardest moment of all. I can only imagine how hard today has been, and also how much you are dreading tomorrow. Tomorrow, my hope for you is simply that you will find the morning bearable if for no reason other than that you will be forced to focus on your work :o. Also, as much as you would wish it otherwise, for the first time you will not need to worry about leaving Jasper behind and alone. I know you would trade anything to have him back, but for his own sake, you will know that he will not be in trouble or in pain while at home alone. He is now released from all trouble and pain, forever.

I know this cannot change your own pain, though. I remain so very sorry for your loss, and I will continue to hold you in my thoughts and heart.

[Budsters Mom]

Back this evening to hang with the others by your side. So wish I could bring them all back, healthy and strong forever. xxxooo

[Budsters Mom]

I'm signing off for tonight, but will keep checking in on you. I know you will get through work tomorrow just fine. Fake it. We all do at times.;) Work can get zooey really fast. I won't have much of a chance to post, but know that I am still with you and reading along. I hope you and Shelby are able to get some rest tonight. xxxooo

[DoxieMama]

I'm here, too. My computer at home has many pictures of my Visuddha as a screensaver, and when I saw him today I told him to keep an eye out for Jasper. I'm sure they're all romping in the meadows and having a great time, while they wait for us to join them, and we sit here holding each other and missing them so. I remember my first day back at work and it was a lot easier to get through the day than I had expected, as I had something else to focus on. I hope it is for you, too.

[addy]

Thinking of you Tina.

[Budsters Mom]

Off to work. You're probably already there. Thinking of you.

[Budsters Mom]

Checking in on a quick break.;) I hope your day is going smoothly.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina, I just got in from work and have been thinking of you all day. I hope work is going well and you're hanging in there. xxxxoooo

[Harley PoMMom]

Oh Tina, I am so, so sorry. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

With my deepest sympathy, Lori

[molly muffin]

Sending you some great big hugs.

[DoxieMama]

Hi Tina, I just went out to light a candle for my boy and saw yours for Jasper. Oh how I wish I could see you in person and give you a great big hug. Please be gentle with yourself right now, and know that we're surrounding you with love from across the miles.

Shana

[Budsters Mom]

I know how hard this is. Thinking of you sweetie. I hope Shelby is stepping up and helping out. xxxooo

[Squirt's Mom]

Many empathetic hugs, sweet Tina. This time will pass and leave behind scars but you will smile again. Your precious boy is keeping watch over you now just as you did him. Know he is with you.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[Budsters Mom]

Thinking of you. xxxxoooo

[Budsters Mom]

Tina!!! Guess whose back? Just like an old penny. ;) xxxxoooo

[Budsters Mom]

Thinking of you! You almost slipped to page 2!!! :eek:

[Budsters Mom]

OMG!!!! On page 2!!! :eek::eek:

Thinking of you my dear.

[Budsters Mom]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...... .

Never enough hugs. So wish I could deliver them in person.

Always,
Kathy

[molly muffin]

Sending you best wishes and hugs.

[Tina]

Dearest Friends,

Thank you all so much for all your beautiful words and ongoing support. I have been reading your messages but just haven't been able to bring myself to post. Each time I start to write the words, it just reinforces that my precious boy is gone.

I am really struggling and am not in a good place right now. There will be no Christmas in my house this year, I have found that I just can't manage any of it without my boy. Since I don't have any immediate family in town, it is not difficult to avoid everything. I couldn't bear putting up the tree or any decorations, and haven't been able to do any of the other things that I normally enjoy about the holiday season. There is just no joy in anything.

Unfortunately I have also been sick with upper respiratory crud for the past week, and that sure hasn't helped anything. I thought things were getting better by Thurs but seemed worse again the past couple of days. I felt so crummy I ended up going to urgent care last night (super awesome place to spend Christmas Eve evening), got an antibiotic and the Dr felt I needed a Medrol dose pak too, said my lungs are inflamed. It seems like I never get just a regular cold anymore, it always turns into something worse. Hopefully I'll be feeling better over the next couple of days.

As I sit here in the wee hours of Christmas morning, and as I do every night, I am straining my ears to hear the sound of Jasper's deep heavy breathing while he peacefully sleeps. All I hear is the ticking of my mantle clock and the sound of a random car going up the street. Somehow, I thought that maybe in the quiet of this particular early morning, I might be able to hear him. It has been 4 weeks since he left. I miss him beyond words.

I want to wish each one of you a Blessed and peaceful Christmas. And from the bottom of my heart, thank you dear friends for keeping me and my boy in your thoughts. I can't tell you how grateful I am for this family. Many hugs and much love to you all. xo

Tina

[Harley PoMMom]

Loving hugs from me too.

[labblab]

I'm so grateful to hear from you, Tina. Sending my warmest thoughts and healing hugs to you. We love you, and we will always remain here, right by your side.

[molly muffin]

Sending you big hugs Tina. I too am glad that you too tina but not happy to hear how terribly sick you have been. I hope you feel better from this respiratory thing soon.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Sweetie,

Thank you for posting. I was hoping that you were still reading and felt connected to us, so I kept on posting, waiting for you.

I am ao sorry to hear that you have been ill. Hopefully the meds will kick in soon and you'll start to feel better.

I totally understand your depression and lack of holiday spirit. I have been there. Holidays are hard for me, for family reasons. I go through the motions because my folks (Mom particulary) still enjoy them. They are up in age, so I'm not sure how many more years we will have together, so I keep doing it, for them.

We do what we can Tina. Sometimes just facing another day is enough to handle. I can only imagine how much you miss our precious Jasper. I still miss Buddy so much and it's been 3 1/2 years. Give yourself time to grieve. Know that we will be with you every step of the way. Hugs to Shelby. xxxxoooo

Kathy

[Tina]

A month ago today my beloved boy left me. My vet sent a lovely card, and wrote some very heartfelt words. The poem in the card is one of the most beautiful I have read, and even though it makes me cry, I have read it multiple times a day since it was received. If I can get through it, I thought I would share it here on our thread tonight.

We who choose to surround ourselves with lives
even more temporary than our own
live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.

Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we still would live no other way.

We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan...


"The Once Again Prince"
SEPARATE LIFETIMES by IRVING TOWNSEND

All of Jasper's life, my family and friends have called him our little Prince. How magical yet heartbreaking that this poem happened to be in the card I received.

There are no words to convey how much I miss him. The pain of his absence is excruciating. He is forever my Prince.

xo

[Joan2517]

That is lovely...

[Budsters Mom]

A truly beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing Tina. xxxooo

[molly muffin]

It is lovely indeed Tina and you are right, the pain of their absence is excruciating.

[Budsters Mom]

Bumping up..... Miss you Tina and understand oh so well. :o xxxooo

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina, I keep coming back to check on you! Just try to keep me away. xxxxoooo

[Tina]

The first birthday without you here Bubba, and it most certainly has been a tough one. I have been absolutely lost today without you, and hope you are having a grand time with all your new friends at the bridge. Thinking about so many wonderful memories of past celebrations and how I would take the day off of work and bake you a special cake and treats. We would play, watch movies or read a book all day, and snuggle. You loved it so. And also remembering how awful you felt last year and how we had a birthday do over a couple of weeks later. No words can express how much you are missed every day, but especially today on your 13th birthday.

Happy Birthday my precious baby boy with the perfect set of wings. I hope you are running like the wind and kicking up stardust. Your birthday candles are blazing on the candle page, hope you can see them. I love and miss you to the stars and beyond. Ever on my beautiful sweet Angel, ever on. Birthday smooches and nose bumps from Mama. xxoo

[Budsters Mom]

Happy Birthday Sweet Jasper Boy!!!

((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Kathy

[DoxieMama]

Happy birthday, Jasper!

[labblab]

Tina, I feel sure Dakota planned a very sweet day for her little brother. Happy, happy Birthday indeed! And so many beautiful candles shining so brightly, their glow reaches to the sky!

But not such a good day for you, my friend. I remain so sorry for the pain of your loss. My thoughts and well wishes remain with you always.

[Squirt's Mom]

awwwww Happy Birthday, Jasper! You and Dakota keep watching over your mom and let her know from time to time that you both are still by her side.

[molly muffin]

I'm sure Dakota and Jasper are together doing their doggie thing. It is the best way to imagine them, running and playing and having doggie chats.

[DoxieMama]

Hi Tina,

Just dropping by to let you know I am thinking of you. :)

Shana

[Budsters Mom]

Me too! I miss you! xxxxoooo

Kathy

[Tina]

Today it is 6 months since my boy had to leave me and I still can hardly write the words. I miss him terribly and I feel like I will never be happy again, or even able to just be at some level of peace. I barely got myself to work today and have been crying since I got home. I keep waiting for this overwhelming feeling of sadness and emptiness to lessen even a little bit, but it just doesn't. I'm still just devastated. I know you all understand.

Thank you so much for your posts and kind words dear friends. I miss everyone so much, but a lot of the time I can't even bring myself here. I just fall apart when I read about the recent losses. I haven't been able to post, but I read when I can, and have been silently grieving with all of you.

Bubba, Mama is beyond heartbroken and can't believe it has been 6 months since you left. Life is so incredibly hard without you by my side. I love and miss you to the stars and beyond. Smooches and nose bumps my precious boy. Ever on angel. xxoo

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina (waving wildly!),

I have been watching for your return. I knew you would be back. ;)

Yes, grief sucks!! We love so deeply. It's been almost 4 years and I still hurt deeply for Buddy. I wish I had some loving and healing words of wisdom for you and all of us. Please know that I have remained here for you, sweet Dakota, Jasper Boy and Shelby. You have never been alone. We have been by your side always.

Big soothing hugs my dear,
Kathy

[labblab]

Oh Tina, I'm here, too, sending warm thoughts and consoling hugs to you from across the miles. I'd give anything to think of something we could do to be more concretely helpful to you. But as Sharlene just wrote elsewhere, the heart wants what the heart wants. We know what your heart wants. If only it was possible for us to grant you that wish...

Always here for you, and always in loving memory of your precious boy.
Marianne

[molly muffin]

Hi Tina :) It is good to see you back here and able to post occasionally. It's good to have a place where you can say what it is your heart is feeling and know that you will not be judged for feeling as you do and that in fact, there are people who care for you and understand completely those turbulent emotions of loss.

HUGS

[Tina]

My baby boy has been gone a whole year today. I don't even know how to describe how much I miss him. Somehow I thought the heartbreak wouldn't feel quite so razor sharp after this amount of time, but I can't honestly say that. I know his beautiful spirit must be all around me, but I keep waiting for some sort of sign so I can be sure. I still struggle immensely every day with his loss, and expected to be more adjusted by now.

I made it through the first Thanksgiving without him. It was horrible, remembering how incredibly sick he was at this time last year. Holidays sure aren't enjoyable now.

I miss you all so much. So many times I have come back here to post, but just haven't been able to yet. Maybe one day.

Ever on my beautiful precious angel. Mama loves and misses you to the stars and beyond. xxoo

[Joan2517]

The holidays are so hard without them. This was our second Thanksgiving without Lena, and it was just as hard as the first. Like you, I miss her all the time. She just loved the holidays! From Halloween through New Year's. She was a part of everything, so everything is a reminder.

Jasper is around you even if you don't feel it or see signs. When they are so much a part of us, they are never really gone....that's what I believe.

Hugs to you...

[labblab]

Oh Tina, sending so many hugs to you across the miles! Although it must have been so hard for you to post your note today, I’m so grateful you did so. We are always here for you, always. We will never forget Jasper, and we welcome the chance to send you our love and support on this milestone day. Holidays can be so hard, and anniversaries especially so. When they’re paired together, I think the knife cuts even deeper. But onward we go, one more baby step at a time. It’s times like this that I especially treasure the blessing that our dear Leslie, “Squirtsmom,” uses as her signature line:


”May you know that absence is full of tender presence and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten." Anne, a Corgi mom.

I know that so many things changed for you so profoundly one year ago today. But love never dies. The love you share with Jasper remains true and strong. And we love you, Tina! Welcome back, today and any day that you wish to return to us.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.
Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Tina,

Your words join the" Eternal Echos" of my own losses, those wounds that will never heal. Over the years I have found comfort in the works of John O'Donahue, who is actually the author of my signature line Marianne posted. Two poems in particular bring me peace. The first is the Blessing for Absence, where that line came from:


May you know that absence is full of tender presence

and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten.

May the absences in your life be full of eternal echo

May you sense around you the secret Elsewhere which holds

the presences that have left your life.

May you be generous in your embrace of loss.

May the sore of your grief turn into a well of seamless presence.

May your compassion reach out to the ones we never hear

from and may you have the courage to speak out for the

excluded ones.

May you become the gracious and passionate subject of your own life.

May you not disrespect your mystery through brittle words or false belonging.

May you be embraced by God in whom dawn and twilight

are one and may your longing inhabit its deepest dreams

within the shelter of the Great Belonging. (Eternal Echoes 275)


The next is titled Beannacht and is the poem I turn to most when grief overwhelms me as it often does:



On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.
(To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings)

While we cannot take your anguish from you, we are here to share it with you when ever you feel alright to be here....and I know how difficult that can be. Know you do not have to face this alone, that we are here always, and always hold you and your precious baby boy in our embrace.

"May the nourishment of the earth be yours",
Leslie

[labblab]

Leslie, thank you so much for your beautiful thoughts and these poems. You have given a great gift to us all. I’ll return and read them over and over once the tears have cleared from my own eyes...

[AngieB]

Sending you warm thoughts and comfort.

Angie

[Budsters Mom]

Yes Tina, we miss them sooo much! Thinking of you, Shelby and our sweet angel, Jasper Boy.

[molly muffin]

Hi Tina! Just want to say hello and send you a big hug. I don't know how time passes so quickly it feels like sometimes and at the same time feeling like an eternity. :(

We miss you and we miss Jasper.

hugs gf

[Tina]

Hello Dear Friends,

I have been meaning to check in for quite a while, it is still so awfully hard. Thank you all for your ongoing support and kind words. Leslie, thank you SO much for the beautiful poems. I have been back often to read them, sometimes daily. Although I cry every time, the words do seem to bring some sort of peace.

I miss my boy so so much, I don't know if it will ever be better. I don't burst into tears in public or at work for the most part, so I guess that is better. I've been going to a pet loss support group from time to time. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Every day I try to find something to appreciate or look forward to. Kind of like Addy's one good thing. It's all still one day at a time, just like when he was sick.

Today is 10 years that Dakota has been gone. It's so hard to believe, and at the same time it feels like forever. I hope she is looking after her brother and keeping him close. I miss them both so much.

Mama loves and misses you baby boy. I know you hear me talking to you every day. You are never out of my thoughts and are always in my heart. Ever on my precious angel. xxoo

Love and hugs to you all,

Tina xo

[Squirt's Mom]

I have no doubt Jasper and Dakota are together, running free in the Rainbow Fields, elated to be united...and always watching over their beloved mom. They hear every word you say, see every tear that falls, and each in their own way send what signs they can to let you know they are still by your side and will be til that day when you are all reunited.

Hugs,
Leslie

[molly muffin]

I think that is how I prefer to think of them too, Jasper and Dakota together.

hugs tina

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Tina, I've missed you!

I did read your posts on the Dakota's and Jasper's threads several days ago. I have been unable to respond until now. I am very sorry about that.

I truly wish that I had a magic wand that could erase your pain, leaving only happy memories. Unfortunately, it is not within my power to do so.

You are so very special to me Tina. You were one of the many angels to stay with me throughout my darkest days and nights. You even would get up for a potty breaks and join in on many conversations to keep me company. That fact remains dear to my heart and always will. When I posted seveal years ago thath Buddy was the light of my life, that he was all I had, you truly understood. I knew that you felt the same for our dear Jasper Boy and sweet Dakota. Our heart dogs, our babies, our loves.

I so wish I could be of more support to you. I still struggle myself at times and it's been several years since Buddy flew. Sometimes it feels like forever. Other times, it seems like just yesterday.

I guess, the point I want is make is that you are not alone. Never alone unless you want to be. We do understand and know that there is no quick fix. We love deeply and grieve just as deeply.

I would love to hear from you more often, but do understand that coming here isn't always easy. Even now, losses cut deeply into my soul.

With much love dear friend,

[labblab]

Hi sweet Tina! I’m hoping that perhaps one day soon you’ll stop in again. I know it may still feel hard to do so, though. Mainly, I just want you to know I’ve been thinking of you. For some reason this morning, I’m especially missing so many of our old friends here, and you’re right at the top of my list! So hopefully my well wishes will cross the miles to you and you’ll feel a mysterious warm hug today. That’ll be me — secretly letting you know your K9C family is always right here by your side ;-).

Love, Marianne

[Tina]

Oh, Dearest Marianne, I have been thinking of you too. Thank you so much for your sweet words.

I went to look for our thread and was surprised to find it on page 2, and then saw that there was a recent post. I don't know why, but I don't get the alerts anymore when there is something new posted to our thread. I noticed it quite awhile back and rechecked my settings then, but I still don't get them.

Today it has been two years since my precious boy had to leave me. I have had an awful day, and wasn't going to post, but then decided to come to the forum. And then I see your lovely words. So many times I have tried to just check in on everyone, but then my poor shattered heart takes over. And yet I find such solace here even though it's so hard for me to come. I don't know if that makes any sense or not.

Today has been very hard but yesterday was especially rough remembering how sick he was two years ago and how I had to leave him home alone that day to go to work. The memory of that haunts me and I am so sorry. It was the day after Thanksgiving and I was just sick that I couldn't stay with him. Even though I didn't have a choice, it tears me up still and I don't know how to forgive myself.

I still keep waiting for some sort of tangible sign from him that he is here with me. I know he must be. I'm still struggling with everything so much.

Bubba, Mama loves and misses you so, and I talk to you every single day. You are always in my thoughts and heart. Smooches and nose bumps angel. Love you to the stars and beyond. Ever on my precious boy. xxoo

And love and many hugs to you Marianne, and to the rest of my special family here. I hope you all are doing well. I miss everyone so much. Thank you for always being here for me, it means more than you know.

Love,
Tina xo

[Joan2517]

Awwww, Tina. Two years, such a long time to be without them, and yet it feels like yesterday. Lena will be gone three years in February, and like you, I talk to her every day. This was only my second Thanksgiving without her and it seemed so much longer than that.

That first night I had to take her to the Emergency Clinic, I knew something was wrong that morning, but I couldn't figure it out and I had to go to work. I still feel guilty about that. I will always wonder if I had stayed home and taken her to the vet that morning, if she would have lived longer; or if I had stayed at the ER the next night when I had to take her back and been there, maybe she wouldn't have died. It still kills me that she died without me being there with her, the dog of my heart, my little angel.

Coming to the forum breaks my heart so many times. Feeling the pain and heartache that we all feel for the others as well as our own, is really hard. Some threads are too hard for me, hit too close to home, and I just can't write on them, but I read them and follow them. My husband says I'm a masochist, but I need to be here. My last moments and thoughts of my baby are here; the people who truly understand my heartache and grief are here; and the friends I've made and grown to love are here...so I stay.

Many hugs to you, Tina...

[Harley PoMMom]

Huge hugs coming your way from my house. Those would of, could of, should of's can really mess with your head, believe me I know but somehow realizing that I loved my boy with everything I had brings me some comfort, and I know you loved Jasper in that same way so hope it will bring you some form of solace.

Sending you comforting thoughts and love, Lori

[Squirt's Mom]

aw Tina, your words resonate with me deeply. Four plus years since Squirt had to leave and my heart still aches for her and tears still fall often. I hope that sign you are looking for soon arrives - the ones I get from Squirt stab my heart at first then a peace comes over me knowing she has never really left. They don't come as often as they used to these days but are cherished just as much as ever when they do. The last one came in the form of a dragonfly, who are said to be messengers from the Other Side. I was driving down the road headed home when I noticed a dragonfly flitting around in front of my windshield. I was going about 25 MPH and that little thing kept pace with a fairly even distance between its body and my windshield for a long time. When I remembered what they represent, I simply said, "Hello, Sweet Bebe" and it immediately flew away. I believe with all my heart that was from Squirt and finished the trip home with a smile on my lips in spite of the tears on my cheeks. This place has been my refuge for so very long, while Squirt was sick and after. It both breaks my heart and lifts up my Soul every time I sign in. You and Jasper are among the many gifts found here and I will always treasure your time here with us.

Hugs,
Leslie

[labblab]

Oh my dear Tina, I’m here, too. I’m so glad you came back to us today. I know it must be very hard, but I’m hoping that coming back will bring you some comfort along with your tears. Joan wrote this so perfectly and so beautifully...


My last moments and thoughts of my baby are here; the people who truly understand my heartache and grief are here; and the friends I've made and grown to love are here...so I stay.

I feel exactly the same way. We are here to support one another. We’re here to hold each other up. So we’re walking right alongside you today, Tina, and everyday that you need us or want us to be nearby.

Always in loving memory of precious Jasper, and always here in friendship for one another.
Always.

[Tina]

Hello Dear Family,

Today marks three long years without my boy. I still struggle so much with everything. It's hard to say if things are really better, I think I just live a brokenhearted existence of numbness to a certain degree. I miss him so much, and the memories of those last couple of days still haunt me terribly.

Joan, your sentiments that Marianne quoted from a year ago are perfection. I could not express my feelings any better. So here I am, the only place that I ever feel any real comfort or solace. The heartbreak is still there, but my family here are really the only ones who truly understand, and I thank you all so much. I know much time has passed since I last posted, but I think of you all daily. And of course I treasure most the everlasting friendships I have made here. I am sorry I have not been able to be as present here as I would like. I don't think I will ever be able to properly express how much you all mean to me.

My precious boy, Mama loves you and misses you more than I can say. Still talking to you every day, and hoping for some sign that you are indeed here with me. I know you must be. Smooches and lots of nose bumps. Ever on my beautiful angel baby. Always in my heart. xxoo


Much love and hugs to you all,

Tina xo

[Budsters Mom]

So glad to see you Tina! Jasper brought you to us. Such a blessing from such a sweet boy. We miss him too! I particularly miss our late night chats with Trish and Mel. You would often log on during Jasoer's potty breaks during the night.

I don't have words of wisdom for you regarding dealing with Jasper's loss. Buddy's been gone for much longer and I still struggle with it. With loves such as ours, the pain/love remain deep. I will never be the same, and yes, I do understand.

Trish popped in with an update a few weeks ago. I was hoping you'd notice and join us for a chat. Please check in when you can. I know it can be difficult to return here. We all understand. I think of you often and will always remember your love and support when I needed it the most. xxxoooo

[labblab]

Oh Tina, I’m here, too, and thinking about you and Jasper and angel Dakota and little Shelby — all with love and hugs from across the miles. I can easily imagine how painful it may be to return here and relive hard memories, but thank you so much for doing so. I hope it may always bring some comfort, as well, to know how much your K9C family loves you and misses you!

Ever on, indeed, precious Jasper. Please give your mom some special signs that you’re always with her in heart and in spirit, and please know that we always honor and remember you here.

With much love, today and every day,
Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Sweet Tina,

I understand that "brokenhearted existence" to the depths of my Soul. Very little time passes that I don't break down and sob for Squirt or Trinket or Brick or one or another baby who has touched my heart...including so many from our family here like Jasper. As I grow older and closer to that day when my time here is done I find myself looking forward to seeing all of them again, actually meeting some for the first time in a world other than this cyber world. Because I fully believe they will all be there in that other world.

Your precious Jasper has never and will never be forgotten by his family here; the love we feel for him and you will endure for all time. So as you shed your tears know that we shed ours with you for this precious baby boy we came to love so dearly.

Hugs,
Leslie

[molly muffin]

Tina, Just want to send you big hugs. You are missed greatly and Jasper, Dakota, Shelby and you, will always be "family".