How much can you mourn a pet?

[lulusmom]

Our k9cushing's family has lost many precious pups recently so I wanted to share an article that I hope will bring some comfort to us all, but especially for those of you who are dealing with the raw pain of your loss and any regrets or guilt you may be experiencing. You are not alone.

http://www.deltasociety.org/document.doc?id=567

[frijole]

:( GULP

At least we know we aren't alone.

I sat in church this morning reading about the flowers donated in memory of lost loved ones and thought of my Annie and wondered if anyone had ever donated in memory of their dog.

It is so quiet in my house. I am 54 and have lived alone most of my adult life, but with Haley and Annie for the last 19 yrs. I have never been afraid before but lately I hear things and look around nervously and can't seem to shake the fact that I am alone.

I have a pile of their photos sitting by my chair and I go through them recalling all of the laughter and love. I think what hurts the most is that it's the 'end of an era' or 'chapter' of my life - a happy one.

It's like someone took a knife and cut out my heart. I continue to get up, go to work... but the emptiness ...

This is the only place I can come to for understanding - so thanks to all for understanding. Kim

[mytil]

Good one Glynda!!!!!! Thank you for sharing this.

[addy]

Oh Kim, I know that feeling, it was what I had when my cat died. I hated coming home, it was so empty and dark, I just worked late. I lived with Tink longer than any human. It was so darn hard and painful, I was so depressed and hurt. Two years later I came home with Zoe and a year later with Koko.

I can understand how hard it is and how you feel your heart is broken forever.

Love you lots and ((((hugs))))))
addy

[marie adams]

Dear Kim,

I know the emptiness too even though I have a husband and daughter. I remember when we lost our cat of 14 yrs. He was my buddy when the husband and daughter went on father/daughter retreats. When he was here to keep me company on those weekends I would hear things also. I would think how would this cat defend me, but it was just a comforting feeling to have them near.

When Maddie left it was even harder--every room had a special meaning or story of her. I wish I could keep you company...:)

Ella is a lot of work and stress, but I am glad we decided to have her join our family--she didn't replace Maddie, but has created another place in our hearts. They are so different and I am thankful for that.

Because no one will replace Haley or Annie it is so wonderul to have a new special bond to help fill the void and make you a family again. When the time is right I know you will find that special one...:)

((((HUGS)))

Thanks Glynda!!! You always find the most wonderful links...

[Squirt's Mom]

The woman who wrote this -


Whilst the death of a pet can be very upsetting it can't begin to compare to the grief felt by the loss of a close family member or friend, particularly if that person died in tragic circumstances or at an untimely age. I believe that people who suffer more from the death of an animal have clearly never made truly successful or meaningful connections with their fellow humans.
Nicola, London

at first made me mad. Then I realized she was the one who is lacking something.

The love, grief and sense of loss I feel over Crys is no less than that which I feel over Gia - it's just different. Both were my children - one of my body, both of my heart and soul. Both have left a huge void that no one and nothing else can ever fill - those spaces are theirs alone. In fact, my Soul probably looks a bit like Baby Swiss cheese - full of little voids left by those I love who have gone ahead.

But those voids don't weaken our souls; instead they strengthen it like the voids that bees build into a honeycomb. As time passes, these voids are filled with the sweetness of our memories just as honey fills the honeycomb.

I have always said that only the strongest can face such losses and continue to live. Kim, you and many others here support that fact. To be able to love so deeply, knowing we will more than likely outlive the objects of our love, takes a strength and depth of character that folks like Nicola simply do not have.

We, the Walking Wounded, are truly the most blessed of all.

And there are no words to express how much my family here means to me.

I love each and every one of you and your babies.
Hugs,
Leslie

[lulusmom]

Obviously Nicola has never shared her life with a precious pet and if she has, I suspect some of her "fellow humans" have influenced her greatly as to how she views the value of a pet. What constitutes a successful and meaningful connection? I define it as a life long, special and loving bond, regardless of the blood that runs through your veins. My dad used to say that if you can count the number of true friends you have on one hand and have no digits left, you are truly blessed. He was right. I have few true, life long friends and the death of two of them were horrific and a crushing blow to me, as was the loss of every beloved dog. The difference is that I can count the number of precious dogs I've loved, all of whom returned that love two fold, and I ran out of digits on both hands.

[marie adams]

Leslie and Glynda,

I remember how I used to feel about animals--a dog is a dog and so forth, but then we had the cat and lost him. Then there was Maddie who stoled our hearts--even my husband's who always said they are just an animal and they do not have soles so they won't go to heaven--boy did he change his feelings with Maddie. She was his buddy and when he said she was in doggy heaven--you know he was hurting.

I know first hand how losing Maddie and losing my Mom around the same time felt. Because I lived with Maddie and took care of her--that loss was devestating. When my Mom died it didn't hurt as bad--it was bad, but not the missing her as much as Maddie--I think that is because I didn't take care of my Mom and we had a different kind relationship. It is just two different kinds of mourning; at least for me, but both painful. It definitely was the unconditional love from Maddie that made it harder for me.

Take care all!!! Yes we are a family here who takes care of each other!!! ((((HUGS))))

[Altira]

How much can you mourn a pet? Well it's been a year and a half now and I still cry over Mira real easy. She is the forth dog I've lost. I think the circumstances with Mira were all different. Shock for starters, she was not ready to die, I never saw that look that says I've had enough, all I saw was I've only just begun, and I have so many regrets with her. I spent every breath trying to make it up to her with what time we had left. I don't think there will be any peace for me between the death of Kira and Mira. It just wasn't supposed to happen in this order. Regrets are too massive.

And yet as I walk down the street, in the fresh air, I remember, and there is this sense of power. I think Leslie may have been hinting to it as well. Because at least for a moment once you have survived this you feel you can survive anything. A feeling that something is around you protecting you.

My mom also lost her first child and she tells me that loosing a dog you're so close to feels no different. That was back when they had straps on baby changing tables and no one realized the danger of that. He worked his way off the table and was strangled by the strap. That was 68 years ago.

It's a very dangerous thing to let yourself get that close to any living thing. Whether it be a dog or a human. Loosing it is going to be horrendous. The more time you spend with them the greater the sense of loss. And with dogs.... gosh can any living thing be more precious? They are truly more then just there. We are everything to them. Can any human do that with another? Humans are very independent.

I suspect that at least we all here are happiest when our dogs are with us... Yes?