A hard question (darling Shadow has passed)

[Me and my Shadow]

Hello and thank you for this site.

Shadow, an 11 year old terrier mix, my vet and I suspect has Cushing disease. She has all the symptoms mentioned here. She is going to be tested in 2 weeks. She has also recently become blind.

My question is what do dogs with cushings die from? Is it different for every dog, heart failure, infection? And, most importantly, is the death painful and prolonged. I am not sure if this is a question that can be answered as I suspect it is different for each dog.

Any information and guidance would be very much appreciated. I have just started to do my research, so I apologise if I sound uninformed.

[addy]

Hi and Welcome,

I am glad you found us. Keep in mind most dogs die from other illnesses. Cushings makes our pups prone to other medical problems as high cortisol causes their systems other problems. They tend to be prone to pancreatitis, frequent infections, kidney problems, diabetes, etc.

You will find dogs on this forum who have lead a pretty good life with treatment. With proper care, there is no reason a dog cannot live out his/her normal life span. Since most dogs are diagnosed when they are older, concurrent medical conditons can make it more of a challenge to treat.

Let us focus on something else, if we may. You mention your pup recently became blind. May I ask if the vet said anything about SARDS? Does your pup have diabetes?

If you could list the results of any tests recently done, any abnormal values along with what the normal range would be.

Many come here thinking Cushings is a death sentence. I know I certaily did. It does not have to be.

Others will be along soon.

I am so glad you found us as it is hard to begin this journey alone.

hugs,
addy

[Leena]

Hello:
I don't have a lot of answers myself as I am still struggling to understand all this! I just want to offer my support...I do know that Cushings is a slow progressing disease so don't fret too too much...if thats possible! I understand..I try not to, but it is hard when its your baby!
With testing, I know stress can skew results...something to keep in mind for your dog.
I hope you get all the answers you need here! This is a great site!
Hugs

[lulusmom]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I only have a minute but can you tell me if your dog went blind suddenly, as in a day or two or a week? What symptoms does your dog have and how long had she had them before going blind? I ask because there is a condition called SARDS (Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration Syndrome) and dogs with this condition will show symptoms associated with cushing's and almost all will have elevated sex hormones before or most certainly after blindness. These elevations are often transient, meaning they normalize within several months. Vets familiar with this syndrome will wait four or five months to see if symptoms resolve before prescribing treatment.

I have two cushdogs. One was diagnosed at three years old and she is now 10 years old and going strong. It isn't a death sentence and with proper treatment, dogs can live out their normal life expectancy with a really good quality of life.

If your dog went blind suddenly, I would recommend that you get her to veterinary opthamologist promptly to get her correctly diagnosed. If you are dealing with SARDS, your vet should consider having a full adrenal panel done at the University of Tenn Knoxville.

http://www.michvet.com/library/ophthalmology_SARDS.asp
http://www.eyevet.ca/sards.html
http://www.carolonpets.com/blog/blind-dogs-cured-with-sards/

Glynda

[Me and my Shadow]

Thank you do much for the replies. Shadows journey into this scary world began when she vomited violently and cocked her head in a bizarre way. We rushed her to the vet who at that time diagnosed congestive heart failure. She had blood tests done 2 days before, and the vet noticed a thyroid condition and abnormal levels for her pancreas.

I don't have all the results in front of me, but I do have the levels. She was prescribed 3 different drugs. Two for her heart and one for her thyroid.

I noticed then that she was acting odd and her sight seemed impaired to me. The vet said that it was a reaction to the drugs and she was just 'loopy' for now and would improve.

She did not improve on that front. And now she is bumping into everything and goes to the window a lot, I think because of the light. So it possible that she has some sight.

She will be going back to the vet this week and the test for cushings will be in 2weeks.

This is all very scary. I am afraid to leave Shadow alone and have taken so much time off work. But Shadow of course comes first.

I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I do not want to prolong her life with more drugs if there is no quality for her, but I must say, reading all the positive posts had given me some hope.

[Rebelsmom]

Welcome to our wonderful forum although the reasons you are here are not ideal, this has place is a wonderful wealth of information. I too came here scared out of my mind almost 2 years ago. My pup had been regulated on meds since March of 2010 and short of some acid reflux issues has returned to my normal fun loving pup. I know in the beginning it is a scary place to be but you have come to the right place. We will be here for you through everything you need us for. Lots of questions will be asked and I have found it best to always get copies of any tests performed at your vets so you can keep track and we can help you with answers. As some have said Cushings is not a death sentence, but a proper diagnosis is the first thing to do. I would start by listing any and all symptoms your Shadow has at the moment. You are doing all you can for your pup so take a moment to breathe.

Sending hugs and belly rubs to you and Shadow.

[lulusmom]

Hi again,

Please check out the third link I provided. There is a cure for SARDS but you have to act quickly. With the sudden onset of blindness, you may be dealing with SARDS, in which case you need to get Shadow in to see an eye specialist who can confirm the diagnosis. I think there are few gp vets who have dealt with SARDS so please talk to your vet about this as soon as you can.

Dogs who lose their sight suddenly are understandably confused and disoriented but they do adjust. There are things we can do to help them through this adjustment. Please use the link below for blind dog tips:

http://www.blinddogs.com/tips.htm

[Me and my Shadow]

Thank you for this information. We are taking her to our vet as soon as I can get an appointment tomorrow. When I called earlier today, the vet seemed so blazie about everything, I don't quite understand his reaction.

Do you guys feed your dog until they have had enough? Shadow is so very hungry all the time. I don't want to harm her by over feeding, but I don't want her to be hungry either.

[lulusmom]

As I said before, most gp vets probably are not familiar with SARDS which is why I suggested that you not rely on your gp vet to correctly diagnose your dogs vision problems. I'm sorry your vet is so blase about your dog's blindness. That is just not cool at all. If your dog has SARDS, the window of opportunity to try to cure it is limited so time is of the essence. If you are interested in a possible cure, I highly recommend that you call your vet asap and ask for a referral to a veterinary opthamologist.

An uncontrolled cushdog will eat until they explode....well maybe not until they explode but their already sagging belly would be close to dragging on the ground if you let them eat themselves into oblivion. A lot of us give our dogs green beans as a filler. Most dogs love them so give it a try.

[Leena]

I too have found most general vets are NOT well informed at all with not only regard to Cushings, but so many other things. An internist is best...
I did not know that about the green beans...Precia is always wanting food...I feel bad :( I have been giving her baby carrots...heck, she will eat anything right now! I'll try the beans too!
Hang in there with Shadow!!! You have support here!

[Skye]

Hello!
strawberries and blueberries are good too! and sweet potato but NOT the skin.
sorta sounded like her pancreas to me with the vomiting and such.....and that can turn pretty life threatening in a hurry. I personally do not have that much faith at all in general practice vets. Check ups, tiny minor things okay but if not those then i want refered out. not to mention their incorrect on so many things they think are wrong. that is JUST MY OPINION.
if you have a sturdy baby gate.....place that in a wash room or bath room door way and remove anything ANYTHING on floors, trash, get safety latches on cabinets...child proof it and then some. lol, but that is a great way to provide great space, toys, food water bedding piddle pads for animals that are losing sight. i have had to use that sort of little homing type thing many times and its like a little studio apartment for them. and can even have small calming light, and music. Remember.....blindness takes some time to adjust, and often other senses kick in even stronger.....so quality of life..........give this time.......they have ways of letting us know they are weary and without any doubt at all you will know if that is ever given. but you must listen to them differently than to humans as you know i am sure. and be sure to think of THEM not of what you think or see.
sending you hugs........

[Me and my Shadow]

A Shadow update

Thank you all for your encouragement and great advice.

We are back from the vet and Shadow has lost most of her sight. The vet attributed it to age, he said it was not SARDs, bot the image was not making it to her brain.

Basically, she is suffering from age related illnesses. Her heart is congested and failing. He said she very likely may have cushings, but it a mild form. He, and I am reluctant to put her on any more medication. He did give us Anipryl to maybe try in a few weeks.

I do feel a bit reassured as he confirmed that she is in no discomfort and when she does go, likely her heart will just stop. And he said that we would know if it was time to intervene.

It is hard to accept that she can't see and to watch her struggle. But, as wisely pointed out here, I have to think like a dog and not let my perspective cloud the facts. I am trying my best to keep her safe and happy. The floor is clear of alll stuff and I talk to her constantly so she knows where I am.

My partner is off this week and we will both be home all day next week, so she will have lots of company.

And she does still have joy in her life. The way she wags her tail when I walk in the door just amazes me. I didn't think a tail could move that fast!

My very best to everyone here and their best friends!

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

thank you for the update. I'm glad Shadow isn't in pain. My Jenny lost her sight around Labor Day from diabetes related cataracts. It is amazing how resilient dogs are.

Folks on the diabetes forum reassured me that dogs don't waste time mourning what they can no longer see. They deal with the now. Jenny is back to playing with her toys and sniffing for squirrels when she is outside.

It took about a month for her to seem less tentative learning her new darker world but she has adapted really well and I hope Shadow does too.

Big hugs to you and your baby. Judi

[addy]

Hi,

I am sorry to hear about Shadow. We seem to get more upset than our pups when they face deafness or blindness. They do not realize they are "handicapped" in any way and usually adjust. When my Zoe lost most of her hearing I was so upset, more so than she. She is still playing and walking and wrestling my other pup whom she watches for cues.

It is hard to watch our dogs age. They have been our perpetual children so it ends up being really hard.

Love and hugs,
addy

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi,

All in all, I would say you got a good report from the vet - no SARDS, mild Cushing's....not bad for an older gal! I know, Squirt and I are one, too! :D

Squirt was on Anipryl for about 9 months and did really well with it. It did help with the signs, especially appetite and lethargy. She did have a little bit of tummy upset with it but Pepcid AC and then Tagamet took care of that just fine.

I have always hated to hear people walking in a manner that makes their shoes drag with each step....yet that is how I have learned to walk so my blind babies can find me. :D I also walk around talking or singing to them, especially when outside, so they can always locate me - tho, I tell ya, those little noses and ears pick up a whole lot of the slack! ;) Some folks wear bells to help their blind babies locate. In my camper, I use different feeling rugs for different areas and that lets them know where they are in the house. You can also use different scents for each room to help them orient. My Dane and these two itty bitty ones taught me as much about how to help them live safely and happily as anything else. By observing them and their reactions to touch, sounds, and scents, we can learn a great deal about how to help them and work with them in their dark world.

We will be here anytime you need to talk and, of course, we want to hear how Shadow is doing when you can post an update.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi and welcome!
Sounds like you and Shadow are having a bit of a rough go of it.

I want to agree with the suggestion you see a specialist. Palmer had Cushing's and I knew something was wrong one and a half years before I could get someone to more completely check it out.....I even asked about Cushing's and he told me "no." I switched vets and have been very happy since then. Palmer has moved on, but we now have Bailey who is only 11 months old.

I don't know a lot about much, but it sounds strange to me that a dog would lose all its sight over a couple of days from "aging."

I can tell you from my experience with Palmer, you may clearly know what to do when "the time" comes. I've gone through this with two dogs and in each case, it became apparent that their quality of life was not sufficient and we made our decision.....not without a lot of pain and not without some guilt.

Okay-I seem to be the "bummer" on here. I hope Shadow improves. I think it's GREAT you will have so much quality time with Shadow, next week.

-Susan

[lulusmom]

I don't know a lot about much, but it sounds strange to me that a dog would lose all its sight over a couple of days from "aging."

I agree 100% with Susan. Cataracts are the most common cause of blindness in older dogs and vision is lost over time. Are shadows eyes opaque (milky)? I have always shared my life with toy breeds and 11 years old is not old for a toy breeds. Is Shadow a large terrier or small?

I've reread your thread and in your first post, you mention that Shadow as all the symptoms of cushing's and if that is the case, I'm unsure why your vet feels she may have a mild case of cushing's. If she has overt symptoms and bloodwork and imaging is consistent with cushing's, Anipryl is not the best choice of treatment. Lysodren and Trilostane's efficacy is unquestionable. Anipryl, on the other hand, is rarely effective.

I also agree with Susan about seeing an internal medicine specialist. My two cushdogs treat with an IMS. GP vets may be the best vets in the world for most common ailments but when it comes to cushing's, most usually don't have the breadth of experience and most certainly don't have the extensive education an IMS has. I see that Shadow has CHF. My two noncushdogs, both Maltese, have been diagnosed with CHF. One of them is not doing well, despite the gp vet's best efforts, so I took him to my cushdogs' internal medicine specialist for peace of mind. I thought he was already on every medication he needed to be but the IMS put him on aspirin and a cough medicine. What I didn't know is that because of the nature of his heart disease, he can throw a blood clot anywhere in his body. My gp vet told me to increase the lasix on Saturday but I decided to wait until our appointment with the IMS yesterday. The ultrasound showed there was no need for additional lasix as his problem is the size of his heart and his collapsing trachea, not fluids. I could have overdosed him if I had followed my gp vet's phone instructions. That's a typical example of a gp vet's limitations. I learned with my cushdog's first gp vet to never place blind faith in your vet, not even an IMS. We need to do your own research and ask questions because after all, we are our dog's only voice.

Glynda

P.S. Can you please post the results of the testing that was done to confirm a cushing's diagnosis? On the bloodwork, you need only post the highs and lows and please include the normal reference ranges.

[addy]

Hi,

I am wondering if losing their sight is like losing their hearing. As their hearing starts to go, the dog compensates for it and then one day we think our dog is deaf overnight when that is not the case.

So I am wondering if any of our members can comment on a dog losing his/her sight, could it be that the problem was there and the dog compensates and then finally can no longer compensate and is blind but we think it happened quickly?

Just a thought,
Addy

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi-
Peaches, our first dog, lost most of her sight. We think eventually she could only see shadows. At the time we had a vet who had lost one eye. I figured maybe he'd take a special interest....since they both had eye issues.

I don't remember how long a period of time the whole deal covered, but he first started scraping the cornea. Eventually he stopped because it did not seem to be improving things.

At any rate, Peaches, who was a Pekepoo and lived 17.25 wonderful years, gradually lost her sight. I think it was in the last 2 -3 years of her life.

Certainly something could have happened internally which caused the blindness. That's always a possibility. What I don't like is that the vet attributed her loss of sight to aging. In my experience, it just does not happen that way. Not over a couple of days.

Let's us know how Shadow is doing.

-Susan

[jrepac]

I too have found most general vets are NOT well informed at all with not only regard to Cushings, but so many other things. An internist is best...
I did not know that about the green beans...Precia is always wanting food...I feel bad :( I have been giving her baby carrots...heck, she will eat anything right now! I'll try the beans too!
Hang in there with Shadow!!! You have support here!

Ha! I used the baby carrots too! My Mandy just LOVED them! They were a good filler between meals for my baby....cooked green beans always went in with her morning meal as well.

My new Aussie is an eating machine...fast growing pup, I suppose :)

[jrepac]

Give Shadow some time and I am sure she will adjust fine. My last 2 Aussies had Cushings, but my very first one became diabetic and went blind (no Cushings). It was very painful for me and my Mom at first, but we soon realized that our girl was incredibly good at managing her surroundings. Keeping her in familiar territory (i.e. her own home, her own yard) will allow her to use her sense of smell to navigate. Our girl went up and down basement stairs, no sweat, if you can believe it. Unfortunately, her diabetes led to other complications that shortened her life, but during the time she was blind she really did not lose a step :)

Cushings is treatable. Given Shadow's other issues, Anipryl may be a safe bet and give her some relief. My Mandy had a mild case of Cushings and was on Anipryl for over 2 years before her passing. She had an excellent quality of life and relief from most of the bothersome Cushings symptoms.

Best of luck to you and Shadow.

Jeff, Angel Mandy & the Girls.

[Me and my Shadow]

Darling Shadow has passed. She just kept getting worse and worse. Last week she went into cardiac arrest and we had her put to sleep.
She went through so much, but that tail was always wagging until that last day. She was so sick.

I dont know if she had cushings, but I thank you so much for your support. I hope that all the dogs you are so fortunate to have in your lives, and they you, will be well.

I miss her...

[mytil]

Oh I am so very, very sorry - my heart is with you. I know you did what you could for her. We are all here for you.

((((hugs))))
Terry

[addy]

I am so saddened to read of Shadow. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please feel free to come here and talk anytime you need to. We are always here to offer a shoulder to cry on or lean on, an ear to listen, whatever you may need in this difficult time. Grief and mourning is so hard and should not be done alone.

Shadow still walks with you, just in a different way.

hugs and love,
addy

[Cyn719]

I am so sorry for the loss of Shadow. This is a very difficult time and I know how much you miss her - try to remember the good times and remember you will always have those beautiful memories. Shadow will always be with you. Always here for you.

Love, prayers, strength, support and hugsss to all of you. xoxo

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

I'm so very sorry to see this. hugs, Judi

[BestBuddy]

So sorry to read that darling Shadow has passed away.

Jenny

[jmac]

I am so sorry to hear you lost your precious Shadow. But I am so glad to hear she was wagging her tail until the end. What a wonderful thing to know and to be able to remember; she was happy up until her very last day. I hope your many wonderful memories will bring you some peace during this difficult time.

Thinking of you...

Julie & Hannah

[k9diabetes]

I'm very sad to learn of Shadow's passing.... her heart problems (and maybe stroke?) seemed like they were very severe. It is hard when something as serious as Cushing's isn't the most serious thing you have to worry about.

Shadow was obviously a beloved member of your family, which is what really mattered to her.

With sympathy,

Natalie

[lulusmom]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this very difficult time.

Godspeed, sweet Shadow.

Glynda

[Skye]

i read this poem on here.....when another pet parent had lost their sweet one...it was so touching, i wanted to share with you. I am so terribly sorry for the pain you now feel, i realize the wound is knocking the wind out of you, tears stream your cheeks, and your hands long to touch....your love is a beautiful gift, one that is hard for so many of the fur babies to find, as angels come to us, maybe angels go to other little four legged babies, and they will hear of you.....one day your heart may love another again, and if and when that time comes.....i think an angel help guide you and them together.....sending you hugs sweetheart........let the tears fall, may healing bless you.
here is the poem...
The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.

You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.

Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.

Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

-- Unknown

[Spiceysmum]

So sorry to hear that Shadow has passed away. Thinking of you at this sad time.

Linda

[Bailey's Mom]

I'm very sorry Shadow has passed away. I too hope you are allowing yourself to grieve. It is a very important part of the process.

My thoughts are with you.

Susan

[mypuppy]

Saddened over your loss. May sweet memories of your precious Shadow sustain you during this painful moment.

God Bless you and your baby Shadow.

Tight hugs. xo Jeanette and Princess

[Casey's Mom]

I am so sorry to hear that Shadow has passed. We are here for you anytime you need us, remember that.

[Squirt's Mom]

I am so sorry to read about Shadow this morning. You did your very best for her and she loved you dearly, as shown by that ever wagging tail. What a blessing to have that as a lasting memory.

When you are ready, if you wish, you can post a memorial or tribute to your darling Shadow in our In Loving Memory section. It would be an honor to share in celebrating her life with you.

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=8

Also, Shadow's name has been added to our In Loving Memory list for 2012. She will always be remembered by her family here.

Please know we are here anytime you wish to talk. We understand and are more than willing to listen and share as you walk this portion of your journey. You do not have to walk this alone either.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick and our Angels, Ruby and Crystal


Love’s Final Gift
By Cheryl Goede

I know it is hard on you, there are no words that can describe
the piercing sorrow which does not lessen with time.

When you had to bring me with you, on that last car ride to make,
all the while knowing the course of action you needed to take.

I know you feel guilty, I feel your sorrow, it’s true,
I could always sense your each and every mood.

When they called my name I knew that your heart was breaking,
you carried me to the room…getting closer to my new awakening.

The friendly doctor I know gave me treats and spoke low,
he was giving you the time that you needed to let me go.

All left the room, and you gathered me close,
as you wondered how you could do this for me when you needed me the most.

I tried to convey, my last wishes to you,
I looked into your eyes with all the love you are used to,

Mom and Dad, this earthly body has served me well,
but the time has come for us to part, to no longer dwell.

You understood the signal, and knew it was time for me to go,
but before I leave there is just one more thing you should know.

I will look out for you, each day I will guide,
my spirit in some way will always be nearby.

Before I make it to the Bridge to stay,
I will return the love tenfold in hopes for my debts to be paid.

For when that new pup or dog will enter your world,
a new love will blossom and slowly unfurl.

I hope you realize that new dog is Love’s Final Gift,
sent from me, your baby girl.

That new dog was chosen by me, to lessen your pain,
like the gentle warmth of the sunshine after the rain.

When you hear him bark, it’s my bark too,
when he cuddles you close, it’s what I would do.

So open your heart when the time comes to see,
that the love he gives comes also from me.

Take comfort, hug him, and reminisce
as he gives his love freely in the form of a dear doggy kiss.

It’s what I would do, if I still could,
and what you would want that is understood.

But the time has come to let me go,
to make that unselfish choice, even though tears will flow.

Hold me, cherish me, until my last breath,
but please don’t look at this as my death,

Someday we will be together again, come close for one last kiss,
I know this it true, as it is my soul’s last earthbound wish.

Now I can feel my spirit floating it is traveling high,
as though I were a cloud in the endless blue sky.

Please find peace, you have honored my life with this,
For I have been reborn through your Love’s Final Gift.

[Bailey's Mom]

Leslie-that's a beautiful piece you shared. I've not seen it. I've seen others, but not that one. It has particular parts that just really hit very deep.

Thanks for sharing.

-Susan

[Leena]

So very sorry for the loss of your baby..Shadow will always be with you..

[labblab]

Just want to say a giant thank you for your support, knowledge and compassion. You are so spot on that you are your pets advocate. I think I lacked that with Shadow and will regret it forever.

I don't know if you realize how important and comforting this site is.
Thanks for a place to come when you feel utterly overwhelmed and just want the best for your best friend.

I just saw your very kind reply posted on our "Checking In" thread today. Thank you so very much, too!! :)

And even though I had not had the chance to reply to you earlier, I want to tell you how sorry I am about the loss of your sweet Shadow. And also to urge you to be kind to yourself, as well. :o

My heart resonates with your pain and your doubts. Whenever there are questions about a diagnosis, or treatment choices, or critical decisions that must be made -- I think it is nearly impossible not to second-guess ourselves if things do not turn out as we had hoped. I lost my own Cush-pup with a lot of questions left unanswered, and I know it is very difficult to work through the pain and the regret.

But what shines through all your replies so clearly is your love for Shadow. There is no doubt about that, not for one moment. And out of her entire lifetime, that is what is most important. Not the final difficult days and hours. But instead the lifetime of love. That is what mattered to her above all else. That is the enormous gift you gave her, and which you will always share with her spirit.

Thank you again for stopping by today. And please know that we will welcome you back at any time! To share more memories of Shadow, or to talk about how you are doing. We are here for you, today and everyday.

Marianne

[Barton]

I am so sorry to hear about Shadow. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Shadow gave you all his heart and now it is time for rest. Rest in peace Shadow.

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi sweetie,

Regret is part of the grieving process. We question every little thing we did or didn't do...and find fault, fault that we too easily accept as our own through our grief. Then we construct walls of guilt behind which we can beat ourselves into tiny pieces. Behind those walls we can take all the anger and fear and pain we now carry and use those things to punish, and sometimes destroy, ourselves. I know; I lived behind my own walls for a long time...and sometimes still look at them longingly because at times that little voice still whispers that is where I deserve to be.

But, you know what? That simply means we are human - and only human, with all the inherent limitations of humans. Regardless of the situation, we can only do our best - our best at any given time.

Regardless of the situation, the best we can do is love, in spite of all, love. The best we can do is make our decisions based on love; the best we can do is base our actions or inactions on love; the best we can give is our love.

You gave your best to Shadow - you gave her your unconditional, undying love every day of her life. She left her damaged shell wrapped in your love, she carried that love with her and holds it as dear today as she ever did. She looks at you with such love and gratitude for all you did for her while the two of you shared this plane. She knows your current regrets have no basis - that you did everything you could to make her life the very best it could possibly be. And she knows that one day she will see you again, she will one day run by your side through the wind, she will one day lay her head in your lap and feel your loving hand on her head once again.

We are here for you any time, sweetie.
Hugs,
Leslie