Found and here to stay, Mhina - our Sweet Mhina has passed

[SasAndYunah]

Just thought I'd let ya'll know I'll be away for several days. Will be back somewhere in the beginning of next week. Will be fun, I'll be staying with a friend and her 2 dogs...party time for the dogs and "girlfriend" time for us girls ;)

So, if I don't respond, it's because I'm not here...:D

Sas and Mhina :)

[molly muffin]

Hi Sas, I hope you and Mhina have a wonderful mini vacation!

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[SasAndYunah]

We had a great time :D

Here's a video of the walks we made together:
http://youtu.be/vPTSB8oTXFU

And here's a funny video of Maddock (my friends Welsh Springer Spaniel) opening the door and Mhina quickly slipping through the opening :D She had her own personal assistent while we were there ;)
http://youtu.be/sZWjEYNZq20

Right now we have snow in The Nehterlands and I adore being out in the snow so here's a video of Mhina and me during a walk in the snow (watch out for the noise, that's the wind blowing in the microphone... :eek: )
http://youtu.be/Km4wEj11xhM

And here's Mhina in the snow frolicking around with some other dogs
http://youtu.be/_v3vF2f09-w

But we also have been training...this time with the word "milk" so that she can get me the milk from the fridge
http://youtu.be/5_B5rYx6GME

So can't say anything else then that we are doing great! :)

Sas and Mhina :)

[mytil]

I love these new videos!!!!

Especially the one with you both walking in the snow - it is so cool that she runs along and then stops to wait - she has a very big smile on her face. Thank you so much for sharing!!!!!!!! T.xx

[molly muffin]

What fun!! Looks like an awesome time was had by all.

Sharlene

[Bailey's Mom]

Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years!!!!!!!
May all of your Christmas wishes come true...
May we all stay away from any and all cliffs,
Peace and Joy to all!
-Susan

[molly muffin]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[SasAndYunah]

Merry Christmas to all :)

Here are some more video's of the "amazing Mhina" ;)

Here we are at the hospital. I had somewhat of an accident and ended up with a cast from my fingers to my elbow. First there's a picture of us in the waitingroom, then Mhina pushing the elevator button and then a clip of us training the off leash heeling in the hospital lobby...followed by a walk in the forrest :)
http://youtu.be/qHnX43YJ7n4

Of course, with the cast, I ran into some difficulties, like for example removing the lid of a small jar. No worries, here comes Mhina ;)
http://youtu.be/YZlKFwic3NA

At the pharmacy, she's becoming pretty fast and focussed :)
http://youtu.be/Er0yymO7e5o

If I need Mhina to be very accurate in what she has to pick, I use a laserpointer to "point" out the object I want, in this case a book from the bookshelf. I want a book called "Klassen moord"...now let's see if she can get me the right one ;)
http://youtu.be/D0RyoH8rJeQ

But not all Mhina's tasks are as refined as picking the right book from the bookshelf or as delicate as taking off my socks without Mhina sinking her teeth into my flesh :D Sometimes it's plain hard work, pulling and tugging, like here when she has to bring me the packages of incontinence material. They are heavy, have hardly any grip and are not easy to handle for her...yet she does it with gusto :D
http://youtu.be/Zb8aipuqqLY

Enjoy the holidays and the time you get to spent with family, friends and/or your pets! :)

Saskia and Mhina :)

[mytil]

Hey Sas,

How are things going?! Miss you.
T.

[SasAndYunah]

Oops, much to my shame I see it's been 2 months since I last posted... Things are going well here :) I've been busy, things to do, places to go to...you know, just life happening :) Mhina and myself just returned form a visit with a friend and her 2 dogs...kind of a "winter break" ;) But not a break from winter because during our stay there it started to snow...again. Man, we've had our fair share of snow this winter, it doesn't seem to stop :eek: But thankfully, neither Mhina nor I are bothered by it :)
http://youtu.be/gkPZU40G0K0

One of the sweetest things Mhina has taken upon herself in the past couple of months is the following...when I take a shower she lays on the shower rug and when I am finished she brings me the towel :)
http://youtu.be/CPMOIngM_XU

Also, she helps me with putting my clothes on by grabbing my vest from behing my back and holding it up for me so I can easily slip my arm into the sleeve :-) That way I don't have to "twist" my shoulder and cause it to dislocate...
http://youtu.be/YYWafA6Olko

And we have discoverd a new way of taking off pants. I used to let her pull 1 pantleg at the time...so she had to pull twice. Now I have come up with a way she only has to pull once :D
http://youtu.be/rSPN5g5PUxk

She also now knows how to pull a branch that got stuk in my wheelchair:
http://youtu.be/GJ_agBI-sMk

We do our daily stuff like grocey shopping:
http://youtu.be/i-EY2nviP7c

And we just enjoy and relax while going for walks with snow:
http://youtu.be/d-ENV1uNd98

And walks with some snow left :)
http://youtu.be/5_XD_PjW5sc

And walks with no snow at all :)
http://youtu.be/S9h77fC14hU


So as you can see, we have been keeping busy and enjoying ourselves :)

Sas and Mhina :)

[molly muffin]

So glad to hear that things are going well with you and Mhina. Certainly does look like you have been busy and having a lot of fun too.
We're still mired in snow here too. Some days are more fun than others in it. :)
Mhina is a very smart girl and you are a good trainer.
Hoping for spring soon!

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[SasAndYunah]

For now it doesn't seem like spring is "just around the corner"...we woke up to more snow (and loving it!) :D

http://youtu.be/3NuuKHDJweQ

And Mhina just has had a haircut...but with all the frolicking around, she doesn't get cold at all ;) I, of course, do get cold and thankfully there is Mhina to help me putting on my sweater :p

This spring, April, I will start an obedience course with Mhina. Not that she is not obedient...:D But the other courses, flyball and agility, are a bit too much for Mhina, exercisewise. So now we are going to do obedience on a competative level...geezzzzzzzz, I will get the most obedient dog, hahahaaa! Nah, no chance of that happening, she is too much "Poodle"...and that says it all :D

Saskia and Mhina :)

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sas,

You and Mhina have been on my mind often lately and I wanted to check in to see how ya'll are doing. I hope Spring has finally sprung in your corner of the globe - we are still deciding if the US is going have spring this year or not. :D For a while, there was an arrest warrant out for Puxatony Phil for his dismal failure at predicting an early spring but it was withdrawn thankfully and Phil is free today. :p But I'm quite sure for a while there Phil was very happy he is a Groundhog and not a bacon hog! :p:p

Has Mhina started her classes? Is she showing everyone else how things should be done? ;) I had to laugh at the "too much Poodle" part - they are highly intelligent but everyone I've lived with used that intelligence to keep me on my toes and to display wanton stubbornness when it fit their plan. :D The first Poodle I had knew within 5 min when I should arrive home from work and if I was late, she took the toilet paper, still on the roller, and laid it out all through the house in a looping trail. Then she would be sitting at the front door with a look that said, "Explain yourself, young lady." :D

I hope all is well with you both and would love an update!
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[labblab]

Hi Sas,

I have been thinking of you, too, wondering how you two girls are doing. I miss hearing from you. I hope all is well, and that you will soon be returning once again.

Sending my warmest wishes across the miles,
Marianne

[SasAndYunah]

I'm so sorry I haven't been around for so long... I just don't have the energy. There's so much going on here, not with me personally thankfully (although I was diagnosed with skincancer, which now is removed and my latest check-uo was good, and I am battling with high eye pressure in my one remaining eye which is causing me to loose a part of my sight but hopefully we can put a stop to that pretty soon) but with people around me and unfortunately with Mhina. I have been with her to Utrecht, to Wageningen and she was turned inside out and still they cannot find what's wrong with her. We had MRI's ultrasounds, x-rays, bloodtests and the latest, a liver biopsy because some of her livervalue's were high. I am still awaiting the results of the liverbiopsy...

Here's a link to a video of Mhina walking,after just 15 minutes...as you will see, she's walking very uncomfortably.

http://youtu.be/ywqyuKP1PpA

The first part are the last meters in the park, followed by the final 50 meters to my house...and then the last part are the same last 50 meters in slowmotion. Her walking is truly dramatic and yet, they cannot find anything wrong with her...so far. You can even tell that she starts walking worse and worse the longer she walks..over such a short distance. You can imagine that walking like that is very tiring and as a result, she falls asleep the moment we get home (and that is after only a 20 minute walk) and then she will sleep for 3 or 4 hours straight. That means that all she can do is go for 3, 20 minute walks a day and sleep, that is all she does.

So again, I am sorry for being absent this long, I just have too much on my mind and am too tired to keep up :)

Saskia :)

[Squirt's Mom]

Aw, Sas,

I am so sorry to hear you and Mhina are having problems. :( She really is moving oddly; her back toes seem to barely get off the ground toward the end, her tail drops lower and lower, and she hunches more the more she walks. It reminds me a little bit of the way Crys would move at times - tho Crys was much more pronounced. I wish I had recorded her so you could see. Crys' issues were due to skeletal deformities and those would have surely shown up with Mhina if anything like that was in play. Bless her heart. Do any of her litter mates have similar issues?

And yours. I am glad the skin cancer was removable and so hope your sight can be saved, honey. You are so loved and missed always by your family here but we understand your need to be away and will be here when you have a chance to drop in. Please take extra good care of yourself, Saskia.

Hugs,
Leslie

[mytil]

Oh dearest Sas,

I am so sorry these things keep happening to you! I say you have had enough already. I know you take these things in stride. I have missed you. Been busy crazy with work but will call you very soon.

Poor sweetie pie Mhina. I cannot believe there have been no results on what is happening to her. It does look skeletal or neurological as I watched the video.

Take care and will talk soon
Terry

[labblab]

Oh Sas, I have been feeling very worried that perhaps there have been problems for you girls. I am just so sorry to hear this news and I will be hoping so hard that answers and relief can soon be found.

As you are able, we will appreciate it so much if you will let us know how things develop.

Sending many, many healing thoughts your way,
Marianne

[Roxee's Dad]

Sas !!! We have all missed you. I am so sorry for what you are going through. You have had more than your share of sorrow and heartbreak.

Keeping you and Mhina in our thoughts and prayers, and all fingers and paws crossed.

[molly muffin]

Oh Sas, so great to hear from you, but I'm very sorry so much is going on right now. Poor Mhina, I hope they can figure out what the problem is soon and get it fixed. It just doesn't seem like the Real her in that video, when we all remember her running and having a great time on your walks.

Stay strong!
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[SasAndYunah]

Awwww thanks all :) Well, the results of her liverbiopsy came in and her liver is fine :) But also the results of an earlier test, taken months ago and I had kind of forgotten about, came in. A muscle biopsy and an urine sample were sent to a laboratory in the USA months ago and they found that she has a mitochondrial metabolic disease, they just can't say wich one. In human medicine they are much more advanced in distinguishing between all the different kinds of mitochondrial and metabolic diseases as they are in veterinary medicine, or so I was told anyway :) It seems to resemble mitochondrial myopathy but that's not it. So they do not know exactly what kind she has. But fortunately it seems to be kind of mild, compared to mitochondrial myopathy. She can handle exercise on a mild level and doesn't get into trouble (muscleweakness) untill she gets to a moderate or higher level. So she can handle 10 to 15 minute walks before the muscleweakness sets in. There is no actual treatment in the sense that one can give a certain medication and voila, the disease will be cured. So she is put on extra anti-oxidants like vit. E, will get some dietary supplements to make sure she gets alternative energy sources and of course, keep exercising on a level that's doable for her. I thought I had heard it all by now...but this one is a new one for me :) But I sure am glad I kept insisting something was wrong with her. (I had a huge fight in Utrecht, the most prestigeous veterinary hospital in the country, because they could not find anything wrong with her and thus they decided it was due to the owner-dog relationship...that I was not good for the dog!) But I was like..."I don't care what all you specialists think, you all have it wrong...I know my dog, I know me and I know you all know nothing about either one of us!"...oops :D So I went to Wageningen...and their internal medicine specialist and neurologist agreed with me, there was something not right. And so he left no stone unturned and even went abroad (the lab in the USA) to find out what the problem was. And in the end he did :) So this goes to show, prestigeous or not, they also can be wrong and to always trust your own instincts. It was very frustrating to me because it all reminded me so much of many years ago, when they could not diagnose what was wrong with me. And of course, their only answer was that I needed to see a shrink. If they cannot find it, then there isn't anything...that's what was truly very frustrating to me...that the medical (human or veterinary) world can't accept there are diseases they don't know about, haven't heard of or simply don't have the means yet to find them. But instead of accepting this, they start to "blame" the patient, grrrrrr...drives me insane! It sure was a deja vu experience to me :)

Enough about my frustrations and hooray for the perseverence of my specialist in Wageningen :) And Mhina? She's in the backyard, enjoying a nap in the sun :) My sweet, sweet gril...

Saskia :)

[Roxee's Dad]

Jeez Sas, leave it up to your luck to find something nobody has ever heard of :( Along with you, I am at least glad it was found and you know what your dealing with. Poor Mhina :(

In our country Doctors and Vet business's are still called a "Practice"

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sas-I am so sorry this has been such a struggle for you and for Mhina. I am so proud of you for listening to your gut. I am a strong believer in that. I am so glad you and Mhina have one another.

-Susan

[SasAndYunah]

This past Friday, the headtrainer of Mhina's service dog school was here. We had a long and difficult talk and the result of this talk is that Mhina will be "declared unfit" for her job. Of course I knew this was coming, of course it is logical with all of the healthissues she is dealing with but also, of course I am very saddened by it. Thankfully she can stay for now, she can stay for a (long) while even, there's no rush for her to leave. I want to find her the very best home possible and I have to think very hard about a next dog. If I could affort it, both financial and healthwise, I would keep her, no doubt about it, but unfortunately that's not the case. I do not have the financial resources to take (the best possible) care of 2 dogs and my health won't allow me to take care of 2 dogs (with different needs) So again, as it was with Yunah, I have to make that horrible decission to let Mhina go.

Well, that's it for now, just thought I'd let you know what's going on here :)

Sas and Mhina :)

[mytil]

Oh dearest Sas,

I have been thinking about you two and I am so incredibly sorry to hear this. This just seems too much to go through again.

My ((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you
Terry

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, Saskia,

I am just so, so sorry. :( I had hoped Mhina would be able to keep working for some time to come, to be by your side as I know you have become quite attached to her...and she to you. It is just unfair that you two have to separate. I wish with all my heart things hadn't turned out this way. :( You have helped me and others so much over the years, I wish we could help you now.

My thoughts and prayers are with you always, Sas, and I for one miss you terribly and hope you are feeling alright aside from this upset.

Hugs,
Leslie

[Roxee's Dad]

Oh Sas,
I am so very sorry to hear this. This has been so unfair and my heart hurts for you and Mhina. We all miss the wonderful antics and video's. They always brought a smile into our lives.

(((HUGS)))

[labblab]

Sas, I am so sad, too. I do not understand why life should be so hard for two such precious girls.

Sending my warmest thoughts to you both,
Marianne

[molly muffin]

Sending lots of love your way. I am sorry to hear this news.

Hugs
Sharlene and Molly muffin

[Bailey's Mom]

Sas I am saddened greatly by this news. I am so sorry and wish it were not so. Take care.

Hugs.
Susan

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sas,

You've been on my mind a lot lately so I wanted to check in on you. Hope things are looking up in your world by now.

Hugs,
Leslie

[SasAndYunah]

Dear sweet Leslie (and "the others") :)

It's a bit of a tough time here since I have been
diagnosed with severe arthrosis in my feet and toes, knees, hips, spine, neck, shoulders, wrists, hands and fingers. I don't tolerate most medications so it's difficult to find pain- and anti-inflammatory medication. Furthermore, I was diagnosed with Grey Platelet Syndrome which complicates things for me. And tomorrow I am taking Mhina to see the vet, yet again, since she keeps throwing up/regurgitating (her undigested food), is nauseous after every meal and burps a lot. Not as in a stomach flu kind of way but a chronic thing... I suspect either a stomach ulcer or mega-oesophagus.
Also, she is become worse. Did she use to "just" drag her feet, she now has started stumbling, her wrists fold forward and so she lands on her wrist and then almost hits the ground with her nose.... Her neurologist/internal medicine specialist suspects she has polyneuropathy, loosing her nervefunction in her feet/legs slowly. It's just he can't "proof"it, only after death.

I find it incredably difficult, she's only 3 years old. But I will not part with her :) I can't... I was planning on it but I can't. She's so comfortable with me it would be criminal to have her move somewhere else only to decline further and then be put asleep without me there. No, no way I will let that happen. She came here..and she will not leave here untill she's dead. So for now, we both rest a lot, lay on bed a lot and are very content in doing so :) She rides on my lap a lot so she won't tire too much and she loves it :D

So, we'll see what the vet has to say tomorrow, I hope it won't be anything too serious.

Know that I do keep an eye on all of you...I saw Grace and read all about her, for example. You are such a brave woman!

Thanks for asking about us and all my best to all of you,

Saskia and Mhina :-)

[Squirt's Mom]

I'm so glad Mhina is staying with you. I know what an easy, yet difficult, decision that was to make and I'm sure it was the right one for the both of you. Such a connection holds tender sacredness for you both. I am glad you have each other, very glad.

Many hugs and belly rubs,
Leslie

[molly muffin]

Sending you huge hugs. Take care of yourselves and lets hope for the better news tomorrow.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[lulusmom]

Hi Sas,

It is so very good to hear from you!!! I am so sorry to hear that you and Mhina are struggling with so many health issues. I'm glad that you have each other. There's nothing more comforting than the love of a dog and I know that Mhina loves you and you love her more than words can say. She is such a lucky girl to have a mom who despite her own disabilities, has put her welfare above her own to insure that she leaves this world knowing that she was loved by one of the most amazing women in the world. I'm probably putting words Mhina's mouth but I know in my heart that she feels that way about you....I do too. :D

We don't get to chat as much as we'd like to but you are never out of sight, out of mind. I think of you more than you know and miss your pearls of wisdom. You and Mhina remain in my prayers and I'll being praying extra hard that you get good news at Mhina's appointment tomorrow.

Huge Hugs,
Glynda

[SasAndYunah]

As I already suspected, the vet also suspects either a stomach ulcer or mega-oesophagus. So off we go on Friday for a scope :)

Saskia and Mhina :)

[labblab]

You and Mhina are in my heart and my thoughts, Sas.

Sending my tightest and warmest hugs across the miles,
Marianne

[Bailey's Mom]

Sas, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Mhina. Best of wishes for Friday. You are due for some better news, both of you. I really admire your decision to keep her forever. Sending you the biggest hug ever.
Susan

[addy]

Me too Sas, I hope for better news after the scope.

I sure am sad to hear you are both having health issues.

Saying extra prayers for you and Mhina.

[Roxee's Dad]

So good to see you back here, but I am so sorry it's under these circumstances. I join the others and offer my prayers and positive energy.

Give Mhina a gentle belly rub from us.

(((HUGS)))

[SasAndYunah]

We've had a terrible night, well, it still is night, 05.40 Fridaymorning, just a few hours before the scope.
Eversince 11.00 Thursday evening, Mhina is throwing up, nauseous and very, very sick. At 02.00 this morning, she vomitted again and her entire muzzle was covered in blood... I freaked out! All I could do was call the vet on nightshift and wake her up...poor vet. She told me to come to the clinic asap and off we went, in the wheelchair, Mhina wrapped in 2 thick fleeze blankets since it is freezing outside. The vet was positive the blood came from a ruptered bloodvessel due to the violent vomitting and since we had the scope already planned for a few hours later, she let us return home where I am now, waiting for the tine to pass... What is it they say..."It's not a day too soon" but in this case it's actually a day too late for the scope. But I am soooo grateful it will be done today...we need to find out what is wrong with Mhina's stomach or oesophagus.

Saskia.

[lulusmom]

Sas, I just said a prayer for Mhina and will continue to do so. I'm sure more prayers will come as people read your post in the morning.

Tight hugs, positive thoughts and lots of love,
Glynda

[Budsters Mom]

Yes, sending wellness thoughts, prayers and healing energy to you and your sweet baby. Xxxxx

Kathy

[molly muffin]

Oh Sas. I hope and pray that whatever is wrong, can be corrected and quickly. Poor Mhina and you must be exhausted too. :( I can't imagine how scared you were/are.

We're all pulling for both of you.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[labblab]

Oh Sas, I am here, too. Focusing all my thoughts, prayers, and strength on you and Mhina. We are right there beside you.

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

My prayers join those already being offered and will continue to rise for you both, Sas.

Hugs and gentle belly rubs,
Leslie

[SasAndYunah]

Well, this was was a highly informative day. The scope gave me a lot of bang for my bucks...or euro's in this case.

The stomach was covered with so called "needlepoint" bleedings and a textbook case of gastritis. No leasions or ulcers. The fluids in the stomach were not reddish so no curent bleeding but they were awfully yellow due to stomachacid. They took a biopsy from the stomach and the results will come in about a week.

The scope of the oesophagus was abolutely the most important one of the two. Upon entering the oesophagus is was right away obvious the oesophagus was enlarged.... When the vet retracted the scope a bit, the oesophagus is supposed to become more narrow again, but it didn't. So from the start it was clear we are dealing with mega-oesophagus. Also, the oesophagus was not "moving" at all. It's supposed to make this squeeze like movements to transport the food down...it was not moving at all, no motility what so ever. The innerlining of the oesophagus looked normal in the sense that there were no leasions or other things visible. Then, when the vet reached the end of the oesophagus, close to the stomach, there was a huge diverticulum. A sort of pouch in which all the food is collected instead of going to the stomach.

So now we also have mega-oesophagus and oesophangeal diverticulum (extremely rare in dogs). And now, after having not slept for 36 hours, it's high time I went to bed and get some sleep :)

Saskia and Mhina :)

[Roxee's Dad]

Wow Sas, well at least we know. What is the prognosis? I do know they make a special chair, I think we call it a Bailey chair for dogs with Mega.

Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers... get a good rest.

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

Tara, from the diabetes forum, who's screen name is RubyTuesday, had a dog with mega and she used one of the chairs John is referring to.

I think she also gave Ruby B12 but I could be wrong.

I'm glad you got a diagnosis

[molly muffin]

Hi Sas

Well, I'm glad you know.

This is a good website pdf with info on mega-oesophagus:

http://vetneuromuscular.ucsd.edu/publications/Megaesophagus%20Brochure-1.pdf
and an active yahoo group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/megaesophagus/info

Once you Know, it's easier to made decisions for you and Mhina.

Hope you are able to get some rest.

hugs,
Sharlene and molly muffin

[StarDeb55]

Sas, I haven't posted earlier as I was waiting to see what the scope showed. Now, that you have an answer, I think that's a large part of the battle. I know for me, when it comes to my health care & my pups, not knowing causes such fear for me that when they can give me an answer, I know that a plan can be formulated. I will keep you & Mhina in thoughts & prayers, as I truly know you will make the best decisions for your wonderful girl that you can.

Debbie

[SasAndYunah]

I think it was John who asked what the prognosis was... Well, we're not dealing with "just" mega-oesophagus, which already is bad enough. We're dealing with a progressive condition that now has "attacked"the oesophagus but already has impaired her ability to walk normally, (she trips often, her legs just slide from underneath her...etc). So the prognosis is that she won't live very long anymore. Her quality of life is at stake here...and with this oesophagus thing now also going on, she gets nauseous after every meal, however small, she can no longer sleep lying down cause that will make her nauseous as well so I sleep sitting up, holding her in a sitting position against my chest, so she can sleep in a more or less upright position. (kind of like the human version of the Bailey chair). And she will loose more and more functions...depending on what part of her body is affected next. There is no cure...no way to improve her situation and that means that as long as she has a still dogworthy life, she'll be here with me. But when her quality of life gets too comprimised, I will have her euthanised. I can't say how soon or not this will be, but I suspect it will be weeks rather then months...

Saskia.

[Roxee's Dad]

Dear Sas,
I am so sorry to read this. Oh how my heart hurts for you and Mhina. It pains me to think about all you have been through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Mhina.

Gentle belly rubs to Mhina.


(((HUGS)))

[addy]

Oh Sas,

I am so sorry, so sorry to read that post. I dont know what else to say.

[molly muffin]

I am so sad to read this. You have just been through so much and now for this to happen to poor Mhina, just seems so... :( there are no words.
My heart goes out to you and to Mhina. We know how much you love her.

much love,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[labblab]

Oh Saskia. Why, oh why? The question with no answer at all. I know you will not allow Mhina to suffer, as you are her guardian angel. How I wish we had the power to keep you from suffering, as well! So very much has been asked of your brave, shining spirit during these past years. Yet you care for those who depend upon you so tenderly and so lovingly.

I wish I could hold you in my own arms right now, Sas, just as you are holding Mhina. I cannot do that in real life, but I hope you feel my arms around you in spirit from across these miles. We are all here to help hold you up.

Please give Mhina sweet hugs from her Auntie M. And here are some sweet hugs being sent just for you ~

With love,
Marianne

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Saskia-
I am so, so sorry. Marianne said it so beautifully. I too wish I could hold you and Mhina. This just is not fair. I will pray for strength for you to help you through this. I will hope and pray that your remaining time with Mhina will be as peaceful as possible. You truly are an angel from above.
Hugs and love,
Susan

[Squirt's Mom]

aw, Sas, not what any of us wanted for sweet Mhina nor for you. :( I can't help but echo Marianne's questions - why? why? why? But this I do know - Mhina is right where she wants to be, snug in your arms, in your heart, and bathed in your amazing love. That is always the best medicine for our babies and especially so when medical care has reached its limit. We can't cure them, we can't save them, but we can hold them, love them, and give them every opportunity to enjoy a "dog worthy life" for as long as possible. You taught me that, Sas - your description of that dog worthy life guides me daily in my work with those who have no more hope for a cure. You taught me how to give them those dog worthy moments that string together to form a dog worthy life for as long as possible. Mhina couldn't be in better hands than yours, Saskia.

Many hugs and gentle belly rubs,
Leslie

[SasAndYunah]

I remember clearly, as if it was yesterday, Cukie's little head in his final days...it was nothing more then a skull covered with skin. Mhina's head has changed in that same manner, her head is nothing but a skull, covered with skin. Yet, Mhina has no Cushing's as Cukie had. Yesterday, I saw the vet and she agreed with me, Mhina's head is completely atrophied. The facial muscles (for chewing, for her eyes, etc) are disappearing rappidly or already have disappeared completely. It's the next step in this progressive condition, the nerves of her facial muscles are now also affected (the reason for the atrophy)

Just thought I let you all know that the end is becoming nearer and nearer...

Sas.

[Budsters Mom]

I am s o sorry. :o Sending you strength, thoughts and prayers for what is yet to come.

When Mhina's time to cross arrives, Cukie will run out to greet his sister with his tail wagging happily. There they will wait for the day when you are all reunited again. (((((Hugs)))))

[molly muffin]

Dearest Sas. I am so sorry. This seems to have come so fast although I know it really hasn't. My heart breaks for you and Mhina.

Much love
Sharlene and Molly muffin

[Squirt's Mom]

aw, Sas, I know this is so difficult for you to go through, seeing your sweet Mhina decline, bringing other sad memories flooding back. Mhina is so blessed that you are her mom, of all the people in this old world, you are her mom. Your arms hold her, your voice soothes her, your touch comforts her as none other could.

You are both in my thoughts and prayers always, and I will light a candle tonite just for Mhina and her precious mom.

Hugs and tears,
Leslie

[Bailey's Mom]

Sas I just want you to know I am thinking of you and Mhina and sending love and warm hugs your way. I wish I could do more.
Love,
Susan

[addy]

Thinking of you and precious Mhina, Sas.

[SasAndYunah]

Thanks all for the thoughts, prayers and well wishes.

Right now we are on day 2 of trying Cisapride, a drug that in rare occasions can bring some function back to the muscles of the oesophagus. But bith my general vet en the neurologist have warned me that the chance of it doing something is practical none. But I had to try this last option, however slight, to see if maybe it would work for Mhina. But so far it is not doing anything. I will wait till after Christmas, but if it isn't doing anything by then, it will be time to say goodbye to her. She is slowly starving to death and I can't put her through it for much longer. So, chances are that this Friday, Mhina will be put to sleep. The next 2 days, I will spent with partially a little bit of hope that something will change but most of all, by spending some final moments with Mhina and saying goodby to her...since that is for 99,9% sure the outcome.

Saskia

[Roxee's Dad]

Oh Dear Sas,
I am so very sorry. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and Mhina. Give her a loving and gentle little belly rub from me.

(((HUGS)))

[molly muffin]

Sas, I am very sorry to hear that Mhina's condition has come to this point. We are never "ready" but just do the best we can with what we the circumstances are.
I hope your coming days with Mhina are filled with love and sweet moments to create memories to last a life time.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Bailey's Mom]

I am so very sorry Sas. Peace be with you and Mhina.

with love,
Susan

[Spiceysmum]

Saskia,
My thoughts are with you and Mhina this Christmas and hoping along with you that there is a chance the medication might work.
Linda

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Saskia,

I came to wish you a Merry Christmas this morning then read your post. :(:( Now I sit here with tears flowing, knowing only too well how you feel today. When you look at Mhina and feel your heart shattering, hold her tight to your chest, close your eyes, and feel our arms around you both. Lean into us, know we hold you and share the burden of your pain. Feel us surround you in our love and strength.

Many celebrate this day as the birth of a child. A man child who grew into a man with a message of love, humility, and forgiveness. A man who gave his life for what he believed and taught. Who died and rose again to walk in life among those who loved him. For me, this is the true meaning of the Season. Not a birthday but the Promise of Life after Death...for all. Just as this man walked out of his dark grave into the light of day, we and our babies will rise again to walk in Light among all those we love. Remember this Promise in the days to come and know this is not an ending but rather the beginning of new Life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Sas. Healing energies are flying your way.
Many hugs and belly rubs,
Leslie

[labblab]

Sending my love and my prayers to both you two girls. Words escape me right now. But you are both in my hearts. I so wish I could do more.

Love, Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

You and Mhina remain in my thoughts and prayers, Sas. We are still holding you tightly in our arms, wrapping you in our love always.

Many hugs and gentle belly rubs,
Leslie



May you know that absence is full

Of tender presence and that

Nothing is ever lost or forgotten.

May the absences in your life be full of eternal echo.

May you sense around you the secret

Elsewhere which holds the presences

That have left your life.

May you be generous in your embrace of loss.

May the sore of your grief turn into a well

Of seamless presence.

May your compassion reach out to the ones

We never hear from and may you have

The courage to speak out for the excluded ones.

May you become the gracious

And passionate subject of your own life.

May you not disrespect your mystery

Through brittle words or false belonging.

May you be embraced by God in whom

Dawn and twilight are one and may

Your longing inhabit its deepest dreams

Within the shelter of the Great Belonging.

From John O’Donohue’s Eternal Echoes-Exploring our Hunger to Belong

[SasAndYunah]

At 10.45 this morning, Mhina passed away, safely curled up in my lap, tightly held in my arms,

Saskia.

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, Sas, I am so sorry you had to face this yet again. Mhina was right where she wanted to be and where she needed to be - in your loving arms. She is once again strong and able to do all she wishes. Many friends, old and new, were there to greet her and I know Yunah, Sogno, and Boncuk were leading the pack. They have so many stories to share of the great love they know because of their incredible mom. And there was another there to greet her, kneeling at the end of the Bridge, her arms opened wide.

Would that I could hold you in my arms and let our tears fall together.
Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, Grace and all our Angels

[littleone1]

Sas,

I am so sorry for your loss. You were such a wonderful mom to Mhina. She was loved very much. I know you will miss her terribly.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm sending huge loving hugs to you. Take care. RIP sweet Mhina.

[molly muffin]

Sas my sincerest sorrow on the passing of sweet and wonderful Mhina. You both tried so hard and gave your all.

Hugs and love
Sharlene and Molly muffin

[lulusmom]

I am so profoundly sorry for your loss, Sas. Words fail me but my heart does not and it is breaking for you, my friend. You remain and in my prayers.

Godspeed Sweet Mhina.

[Budsters Mom]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. Mhina has been welcomed at the rainbow bridge by our fur angels. Run free precious one, run free! Xxxxx

[Spiceysmum]

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
Linda

[Trish]

Sorry to read of Mhina's passing. So sad for you and wanted to add my condolences to the others. RIP Mhina x

[frijole]

Oh my Sas. I am just getting caught up and am at a loss for words. I'm sending a huge bear hug over the world wide web.

Sweet Mhina please run fast and free with our own furry angels and know we will honor your memory within these walls forever.

Sas I wish I could take away any and all pain. Again - simply speechless. Much love and many healing thoughts to you my friend. Kim

[Roxee's Dad]

Dear Sas, I am so very sorry during this very sad time. Mhina knew she was loved so much. With a very heavy heart.....

Rest in Peace Sweet Mhina, you are our newest and brightest star in the night sky.....

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

she was blessed to spend her last time with you but I am so sorry

[Dollydog]

Dear Saskia.....I am so very sorry to hear of your loss...I too am just getting caught up with Mhina's journey....and I can't believe that you have to go through this again so soon....please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you....(((HUGS)))
Jo-Ann

[Casey's Mom]

Dear Saskia, my heart breaks for you and our sweet Mhina. You have gone through so much to have this happen again so soon. My hugs and prayers are with you.

[mytil]

Dearest Sas,

I am so very sorry...sending you my ((((hugs)))) and healing thoughts.
Terry

[Bo's Mom]

RIP Dear Angel Mhina. You will forever be loved/honored/cherished by all who knew and loved you. Now as you crossed the Rainbow Bridge you will be guided by all he preceded you there and they will forever share your honor.

[labblab]

I don't know why one heart must bear so many losses. But yours is a heart that is filled with love that has been shared and returned so sweetly by so many precious souls. I pray that this enduring love will give you comfort once again, and I hope that all your friendships here will give you strength through yet another dark time. Let there be a light that guides us all, together, through the night.

[frijole]

Marianne thanks for posting that. You found the words that I could not. Sas, please know she speaks for all of us right now. With much love, Kim

[molly muffin]

Marianne said it and said it well :)
love,
Sharlene and Molly muffin

[Bailey's Mom]

Dearest Sas,
I too do not understand this. This flies in the face of so many of my core beliefs. We feel as if we've been there right with you and Mhina through the videos. I want to thank you for letting us know. I know that was a hard thing to write.

Take care of yourself Sas. We are here thinking of you, supporting you, loving you. Mhina will be missed by a great many throughout the world. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Love,
Susan

[SasAndYunah]

Today it has been exactly 2 weeks since I had to let Mhina go. The last days before her passing were very difficult. After the mega-oesophagus was diagnosed, she seemed to decline so fast. First her facial muscles became affected (the chewing muscles and the muscles around her eyes) and towards the end even her respiratory muscles were affected. All of this in 5 weeks time...
The neurologist spoke of an ALS-like process going on. I still can't grasp it....

The world keeps turning and all I can do is to just stumble along. My days pass in a haze...a mist, they just pass and in the evenings I can't remember what I did that day. Mhina was always there. When I brushed my teeth, she sat beside me. When I had to go grocery shopping, had to go to the hospital or pharmacy, Mhina was there. Getting dressed? Mhina was there helping me. When I was having a coffee or read a book? Mhina was laying on my lap. And now? From the moment I wake up till the moment I fall asleep and every minute in between...she is not there. A world without her is a cold, sad and empty world, a harsh place,

Saskia.

[Roxee's Dad]

I am so sorry Sas but take solace that you gave each other so much love.

(((HUGS)))

[molly muffin]

Saskia, I am so sorry that so much in so little time, all traumatic, all heart breaking. Yet I can look at the vids of Mhina running and playing on your walks and know that she had the absolute best life Ever that a dog could want in the time that she was allowed to be with you.
love to you

[Bailey's Mom]

Saskia, I am so very sorry. I am grateful that you let us hear from you. I think that is a positive thing. In her short life, Mhina was able to experience the deepest love there could be. I know the pain you are feeling is horrendous. We are here to try to help you through that pain. There is no way around it, as you well know. Perhaps you can think of Mhina as being all well again and running and romping over the bridge....eager for the day you two will once again be reunited and she will be able to put her head back on your lap. She is still with you.....in your heart.
Hugs,
Susan

[labblab]

Oh Sas, with each day that passes now there are a few more moments of sunlight. We are past the darkest time of the year. I hope the same will prove true for you. Perhaps without your even knowing or noticing, I hope the darkness will soon end up lifting even a tiny bit. But in the meantime, it is so very hard. My thoughts remain with you, every day.

[Squirt's Mom]

ah, sweet Sas...I can barely fathom how you are feeling. We all form a deep bond with our babies, they are our children in many cases, but the bond that forms with you and your babies is even deeper. Squirt is very in tune with my moods and some of my needs but nothing like Mhina, who remained focused on you just about every moment of her days and you on her. I wish I could tell you I understand your pain, the emptiness you feel today, but the truth is, I'm not capable of truly understanding your loss. I know the pain, the grief, that loss brought you but there is a deeper aspect for you that I cannot understand. Perhaps it is close to the loss of a human child because as parents we do have that intense focus on each other, that symbiotic relationship similar to that you and your babies share.

So very much has been asked of you over the last few years, Saskia, so very much indeed. It's no wonder you are wandering in that haze, that mist. How you are able to function at all is beyond my ken. To say that you are an inspiration is not enough but I don't know how to say it better right now. You bestow such compassion and encouragement on all you touch. You fill your babies Souls with a gentle enduring love that gives them the confidence to fulfill their full potential...and do so with joy. You are able to maintain the delicate balance between caring for others and caring for yourself. I am just incredibly sorry you have experienced so much sorrow.

There is nothing I can share with you about grieving that you don't already know intimately. But remember that you are never alone. When you brush your teeth, we are with you; when you roam the isles in the grocery or wait in the hospital, we are with you; as you sip your coffee and turn the pages in that latest book, we are right beside you; as you dress, some of us are putting together outfits for you, others are picking out accessories and laying out your make-up for the day; and when you close your eyes at night, we surround you each and every second, standing guard, lending you our strength and hope, gently covering you with our enduring love and trust.

Many hugs,
Leslie

[zoesmom]

Oh, Sas...I am just now reading of your last few weeks with Mhina and my heart is breaking for you. You have coped with grace and dignity over the years with your own health problems and the loss of so many special furbabies. I just can't imagine this on top of it all. But you are strong and I hope you can find some solace in the fact that you have so many friends here on the forum who are thinking and praying for you. Mhina was a special gift and she couldn't have asked for a better human. She was blessed to know your love and devotion, just as you were blessed to share your life with her, however briefly. Hugs, my dear friend. Sue

[Spiceysmum]

Saskia,
I really feel for you, we can hear the pain in every word and we share that pain. My thoughts are with you.
Linda

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

[mcdavis]

I have just been catching up and was so very sorry to see the sad news about Mhina. I know that nothing we say will make things better however the love that you had for one another is obvious in every word and picture - you gave her a wonderful life.

[littleone1]

I think about you very often. I know this is an extremely difficult time for you. Even though I don't post very much anymore, it doesn't mean that I'm not here in spirit with you.

I'm sending you super huge hugs.

[addy]

Dearest Sas,

I am so sorry I have waited to come to tell you how so sad and sorry I am about your dear Mhina. My mind was a blank as to how to write my feelings. I think because of what I am going through with my Zoe.

I had followed Mhina's journey from the start. I cant even find words to express my sorrow.

Very loving hugs and prayers