Holidays can be hard...

[labblab]

These last few weeks have been so tough for our family here. And the holidays are especially hard, no matter whether the loss was yesterday or ten years ago. So I thought I'd start a thread where people can check in, if they want. It'll be here all through the holidays. And if anybody has a special memory to share, we will love to hear about it. And if anybody is having an especially hard day, we'll be here to listen and join in a group hug. Because that's what we do. We laugh and cry together. And that's the way we continue to honor our loved ones, all through the holidays.

Marianne

[mypuppy]

Marianne,
What a wonderful honor in memory of all our beloved who have gone before us (humans and 2 legged), they are gone but NEVER ever forgotten. Thank you. Tight hugs and I am wishing you, the babies and my very special family here a blessed and healthy Thanksgiving. Xo Jeanette and Princess

[jrepac]

So true...hard to fathom that my little friend won't be around barking for her share of turkey this year:( It does break my heart.

Eh, but rather than dwell on the sadness, I'll share a funny holiday story about my last Aussie, Dolly. Around the holidays, us Italians make a special dessert pie with a sweet crust, ricotta cheese and cooked grain called "pastiera". Usually it's an Easter dish, but sometimes we'll make it for X-mas as well.

So, I was baking several of these pies and putting them on the back porch to cool (an enclosed, but separate porch attached to the house). My mom and I were wondering where the dog was, since we had not seen her for some time. Well, we are looking all over the darn house and calling her name. Looking in the front yard (thinking maybe we left her outside?), etc. etc. Darling Dolly is nowhere to be found! Suddenly, we hear a bark and realize it is coming from the back porch...we then open the door to find our sweetie out there halfway through her second pie....LOL! :) Somehow, she snuck out there when I was placing the pies and we shut the door behind her. What else is an Aussie to do when she is faced with freshly prepared, warm pies? After the initial shock, we had a very good laugh! And, I had to make a few more pies! I always remember that story fondly, as does my Mom. :D

Jeff & Angel Mandy

[gpgscott]

Thanks Marianne,

This will be our first Christmas without Brown.

She always loved Christmas, especially Christmas morning when we opened gifts. We get lots of gifts and wrap them with lots of care. There is always ribbon and paper and the floor becomes covered.

She also loved the tree and would sling ornaments from it with her tail.

Moria would always play in the wrappings and we have many memories of her on Christmas morning.


Scott

[frijole]

Ah... my first Christmas without my sweet Haley. She knew how to open presents and did it with gusto. The memories... Here's a funny one... I wrapped a bunch of presents and without thinking I placed the package with Ghiradelli chocolates under the tree. I did put them WAY underneath and you'd have to move lots of big presents to get to them... you can see where this is going...

So I left and when I came home there was Xmas wrapping paper in the middle of the living room floor, a bit of tinfoil and just a couple chocolate bars left...OOPS. Luckily she was fine and never even got sick.

I hope there is chocolate for dogs in heaven. :D Still love you dear Haley.

[forscooter]

Hi everyone....

Although I am not here as much as I used to be, I still do look in...and although I am now blessed with a new family, I am sorely missing my old. I couldn't not stop by and post something about my two boys. Although it is my second Thanksgiving without my mom and dad and Scoobie, it is my first without my sweet Bailey. And although it wasn't Thanksgiving, he is remembered for stealing the corned beef on St. Patrick's day, which I simply rinsed off and served!! And we ate it...if it was good enough for Bailey....

Bailey never missed a meal. And as my father-in-law says, these dogs can't be too stupid bc they have never missed a meal here...

Missing you, my sweet Bad Boys, every day in every way, always will...and I am sending you sweet kisses and gentle hugs and know that Grandma and Grandpa are giving you turkey and gravy and all the things you love so much...

Hugs to all my friends here and much love....Beth

[Squirt's Mom]

Thanksgiving 2006 is a memory I hold very dear. Our family gathered here at my brother's, Mark, house to celebrate. It was the first time we had shared this holiday at my brothers and the first time my mom had ever been in their house (she was a strange bird, too! ;) ), and the first time our family had not gathered at our parents home for Thanksgiving. Mom had finally reached the stage where that was just too much for her to deal with.

Carolyn, my sister-in-law cooked her sweet potato pie which we always fight over; Mark smoked a turkey and a ham that melted in the mouth; my other brother, Cliff, and his wife, Leslie, contributed corn casserole and green bean casserole; my daughter made a tossed salad and baklava; and I made pies, bread and cranberry sauce. The kids had chicken nuggets and corn dogs as requested. The table was laden with delicious food and surrounded by a family gathered in love for each other. We bowed our heads and offered our Thanks for all we had been given, then chowed down!

After the meal and clean-up, the men settled in front of the TV to watch football, the women settled around the kitchen table to visit, and the kids went outside to play. As the day progressed, the groups would change as one left the game to go outside and another left the kitchen to check on the kids. From time to time you would hear a "WHOOP" or a "CRAP" from those watching the game, a fussing or crying child, and giggling from the kitchen as the women told tales.

In time, most of us were outside with the kids, enjoying the weather and free entertainment provided by a bunch of free-wheeling kiddos ranging in age from 2 to 52. Tristan, my oldest grandson, had one of those electric jeeps that the little ones took turns riding in. Quentin, the youngest grandson, took his turn and the look on his face remains fresh and clear in my mind to this day. He was enthralled! He was driving! Around and around and around in a circle, but he was driving! And grinning from ear to ear! That baby was in hog heaven! :p When it came time for someone else to get a turn, Que wasn't too keen on sharing but he did, then chased the jeep while others drove it around the place, laughing his heart out! Then the four-wheeler got into the mix and everyone either got a turn driving it around the pasture or being taken on a hair-raising ride behind a more experienced driver.

The horse was saddled that evening and everyone who wanted got a ride on Dynamite, including Que, but he liked the jeep MUCH better! After the little ones who wanted to ride had gotten to, Mark decided he would take Dynamite out for a good run. Dynamite had other ideas, tho, and was finished with his part of this celebration so when Mark got seated, Dynamite promptly unseated him! Of course, we all ran to Mark to make sure he was alright and Mark was getting up off the ground telling Dynamite things I won't repeat here. :p Meanwhile, Dynamite is proudly walks back to the barn. :D

I was living in TN then so my daughter, Regia, and I didn't get to spend as much time together as we were used to so we stayed pretty close to each other all day long. We laughed at the boys and their shenanigans, talked about her marriage, her friends, her well-being, all the things that had been going on in her life we had missed sharing when they happened. We talked about the changes in our lives, our hopes and our dreams for all the tomorrows we were sure we had.

Gia looked happier and more beautiful on that Thanksgiving Day in 2006 than I had seen in years. She was full of joy, content with the life she was living, making plans for the years ahead for her and her family. My daughter had not had an easy life; she had fought many, many demons and defeated most of them. She was becoming a complete person, no longer driven by monsters she couldn't control. She had become a wonderful mother, grand-daughter, wife, friend and daughter. Her full potential was finally within her grasp, and her potential was immense.

At 3:17am, four days later I got the call that my beautiful baby girl was gone, her life snuffed out much too soon.

Today, I hold very tightly to the images of her on the four-wheeler riding behind my niece with her head thrown back and her hair streaming out behind her, laughing her head off; of her hugging Que and telling him he was her Little Angel; of her telling Tris what a strong little man he was; of her eyes shining with love; of her smile so full of joy; of her laughing out loud over and over during the day. But most of all, I still feel her in my arms as we hugged good-bye that evening and I still hear her voice saying, "I love you, Mama."

I will never know why I was chosen to be blessed with such a wonderful, strong, totally amazing daughter or why she was taken so young, but for the 29 years we were allowed to share, I will forever be grateful. Gia taught me how to face the worst life can throw at you and keep on trucking; how to laugh through the tears when you want to die; how to look for the good in every situation; and how to just simply love for love's sake. She is the greatest gift my life has ever received and I will be forever thankful for every second.

*******************************************
Some of you already knew about Gia; some didn't. To all of you I want to say a huge "thanks". You cannot know the times, the many many times, I come here with so much pain I can barely breath. And you are here. You are here with your own pain, your own joys, your own stories of love and hope. You give me strength to fight, you ease my pain so I can breath more easily, you give me hope for tomorrow, you give me purpose, you teach me. I love each of you for this and am ever so thankful for you all.

Thanks for listening...
Hugs,
Leslie

[jrepac]

Oh Leslie, what a story....life really does bring us all such challenges to face, doesn't it? And maybe we wind up stronger in the end? I've wondered that many times...my Dad died when I was very young (8yrs old) in 1976...I've wondered what my life would've been like if he lived. But, on the other hand, his passing had a tremendous effect on my life and made me very focused in terms of succeeding in school, professionally,etc. It also led my Mom to finally break down and get her kid a 'lil dog...she wanted a Pom...there were none. The Yorkie was too expensive...so, we wound up w/a little red Australian Terrier...and named her Beauty...the start of my "love affair" with Australian terriers. ;)

Today was a very tough day for me; the first holiday w/out your furry friend always is, that I know. Mandy always enjoyed Thanksgiving, between the stuff falling on the floor (yum!), the smell of the food and getting her portion of turkey and sweet potatoes:)

My 2nd Aussie, Dolly, was a Christmas Girl. She came home on Dec 20th, 1985...I can remember that day quite well. She was fascinated by the Christmas tree...so much so that she continually knocked the glass, ball-shaped ornaments off the tree! One morning we got up and the first 2 rows of the balls were on the floor...LOL!...we loved that dog dearly.

As time passes, I will remember the funny, good times w/my Mandy and the hurt I'm feeling now will fade...but it's gonna take some time..:(


Jeff & Angel Mandy

[Roxee's Dad]

Thanks Marianne for starting this thread :)

I have shared with the members and friends of this forum the many ups and downs, shared in the sadness, the laughter, and the many successes, I've shed many a tear over our little four legged friends that have gone to the bridge. Every one of them seems to take a piece of my heart with them.

I miss all my fur butts, Chainsaw lived to almost 19 years old and was very special to me, we would go to Jack in the Box and she learned that when I talked into the speaker...food would arrive at the window. One day I pulled up to the speaker and she decided to place her own order....she started grumbling, not barking but grumbling to the speaker and sure enough food would show up at the window.:)

Bailee was a special foster that found his forever home before I ever got him home from the rescue....He was a biter so I felt there would be no better place for him than in my home. He was an older Lhasa and we decided his retirement home was right here with us. He was special in his own way and knew how to make me laugh.

Roxee was my cush pup and was my heart girl...she and Bailee tolerated each other and when there paths crossed, they learned to take the long way around so they wouldn't come to close to each other. She was very special, all I had to do was say "I need kiss" and she would come running and jump up and lick my face. Even in the end when she was blind and deaf, she somehow always knew when I walked into the house and would bark until I picked her up.

I miss all my babies and often think about the adventures and happy times we have shared.

We still have Rozee (Roxee's litter-mate sister) and she is learning to walk again:)....When I look at her I still see the 2 of them romping around and just being the best of friends. Mickee was another foster and is getting older and I am coming to the realization that his time may be months and not years but he still enjoys life. Then there is our LittleBit who has just been a blessing in our home...she makes me laugh, she loves to cuddle and she has become Rozee's best friend sharing beds and blankets and sometimes even the food dish.:eek: and Rozee let's her:) That's love!

The pain of losing my loved ones is immense but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. To know unconditional love and trust is what makes life worth living. My heart hurts for all of us here that have lost a loved one.

(((HUGS)))

[bkdice]

Holidays can be really hard, especially first holidays after a significant loss. I actually reached out to my doctor for some chemical intervention last year, because I did not think I would make it through the first holidays with any sanity w/o Niko. This year is a little easier so far, but their presence is always missed.

People put so much pressure on themselves to continue to function, when they are grieving. We forget to be gentle with ourselves and lower our expectations. Schedule some down time... as we cannot carry the burdens we once did, when we are so full of grief. There is no shame in that... we are human an hurting. Not everyone will understand this, but some of us do.

Really good thread Marianne. Thank you....

[Bailey's Mom]

Thanks for all who have shared and thank you for this "category."

It has been almost 4 months since Palmer crossed over. I thought I was doing "pretty well." Thanksgiving dinnertime came and we sat down in the "formal" dining room to enjoy our meal. (We have a small table which the two of us dine at most of the time.) It suddenly hit me that Palmer was missing. Whenever we sat in the dining room (3 or 4 times a year), Palmer would sit underneath the table. I'd never see him go there, but if I looked for him and looked under the tablecloth, I always saw him sitting at attention! He never begged for anything. He would sit there ready to taste any morsel. Once I finished eating, I would pick him up, to table height, and sit him on my lap. He loved being one of the "adults." On rare occasion he would sit at my side, looking forlorn, like-"Hey! You know I'm here!!.) He never spoke and had the patience of a saint. Well, Thursday I silently cried through most of the dinner. There is still such a hole left now that he is gone.

I dread thinking of Christmas morning,. He LOVED unwrapping presents. He loved the crinkle of the paper. He could always somehow find the gifts that were for him. And when he had had enough excitement, he would stretch out, between my legs, on the recliner and stay there as long as I would. If I had to let him down in order to stretch my legs, he always understood. He was ready at any minute to come back up.

We think we have a puppy in the making. There is a mama with four little pups "in the oven." If all goes well, at the end of January we will be taking quite a road trip/vacation and then be bringing home our newest family member. It's wonderful to think about the little guy or gal bouncing around as puppies do. (It's not wonderful to think about going through house training!)

Still I sometimes carry his collar in my pocket. Still I have on our bed the stuffed, squeaky duck that is every bit as big as he was....with the stiff area on the hip, where he sucked on it like Linus's blanket.

I love him so and so would like to have him back-but healthy, of course. His "ending" was so sudden. I just wasn't prepared. Perhaps one never is.

This is a wonderful forum and full of such loving people. I hope you'll share my new puppy adventure with me. I am so NOT meant to not have a dog.

Happy holidays everyone. May all of you, especially those of you with the still raw wounds, remember the good times. They are looking out over us.
-Susan

[Bailey's Mom]

Leslie-I am so sorry for your loss. My son is 31 and the thought of being without him is inconceivable. How wonderful that you saw your daughter reach a place of peace. Those demons can be very nasty. Thanks for sharing.

-Susan

[jrepac]

It has been almost 4 months since Palmer crossed over. I thought I was doing "pretty well." Thanksgiving dinnertime came and we sat down in the "formal" dining room to enjoy our meal. (We have a small table which the two of us dine at most of the time.) It suddenly hit me that Palmer was missing. Whenever we sat in the dining room (3 or 4 times a year), Palmer would sit underneath the table. I'd never see him go there, but if I looked for him and looked under the tablecloth, I always saw him sitting at attention! He never begged for anything. He would sit there ready to taste any morsel. Once I finished eating, I would pick him up, to table height, and sit him on my lap. He loved being one of the "adults." On rare occasion he would sit at my side, looking forlorn, like-"Hey! You know I'm here!!.) He never spoke and had the patience of a saint. Well, Thursday I silently cried through most of the dinner. There is still such a hole left now that he is gone.

I dread thinking of Christmas morning,. He LOVED unwrapping presents. He loved the crinkle of the paper. He could always somehow find the gifts that were for him. And when he had had enough excitement, he would stretch out, between my legs, on the recliner and stay there as long as I would. If I had to let him down in order to stretch my legs, he always understood. He was ready at any minute to come back up.

We think we have a puppy in the making. There is a mama with four little pups "in the oven." If all goes well, at the end of January we will be taking quite a road trip/vacation and then be bringing home our newest family member. It's wonderful to think about the little guy or gal bouncing around as puppies do. (It's not wonderful to think about going through house training!)

Still I sometimes carry his collar in my pocket. Still I have on our bed the stuffed, squeaky duck that is every bit as big as he was....with the stiff area on the hip, where he sucked on it like Linus's blanket.

I love him so and so would like to have him back-but healthy, of course. His "ending" was so sudden. I just wasn't prepared. Perhaps one never is.

This is a wonderful forum and full of such loving people. I hope you'll share my new puppy adventure with me. I am so NOT meant to not have a dog.

Happy holidays everyone. May all of you, especially those of you with the still raw wounds, remember the good times. They are looking out over us.
-Susan

It's always hard the first few months after they've passed; I agree. You think you are doing OK, and then suddenly, something just reminds you that they are no longer there and it slams you in the face. Part of me wishes I could be like others who can brush it off and say "it's just a dog", but then what would be the point, eh?:o

I made Mandy a little memorial in my bedroom; her cherry wood urn is there with the lovely picture of her sitting in the grass inserted in the front of it--she was 12 yrs old then. Atop the urn is her puppy picture so I can remember her both at the beginning and later in her life. Alongside, I put 2 of her favorite toys and her collar. Every morning I talk to her a bit before I head out for the day. Am I a sentimental sap or what? I don't know...I think I've been closer to my dogs than I have with a lot of people. ;)

And, every Christmas, I still remember my other Aussie, Dolly...my little X-Mas girl. What a doll she was! I somehow lost her collar when she made her last emergency visit to the vet and I was devastated by that...I don't know why, it just was another loss on top of losing her and bothered me terribly. So, when Mandy passed, one of my first questions was "Do you have her collar?"....I was so relieved to get it back. And no, you are never "ready" regardless of the circumstances; there is never enough time.

Eh, us dog lovers are an oddball bunch! I am happy to hear that you'll be getting a new pup early next year Susan. Please do share the good news and lots of pictures with us! They ARE wonderful fun when they are puppies, even with the housebreaking headaches! LOL! :D

Jeff & Angel Mandy

[Squirt's Mom]

Squirt was supposed to be Gia's baby. Gia was dating the son of the woman who owned the bitch. Both of Squirt's parents are show dogs - the male a Cairn Terrier, the female a Long Haired Chihuahua. The owners of the parents were LIVID about this litter and the plan was to drown all five puppies. But Lance talked his mom into letting him find homes for them instead. Since Gia was his girl-friend, she got the pick of the litter and she chose Squirt. When the puppies were 5 weeks old, Lance's mom said they had to go NOW; one way or the other the sickening evidence of this horrible mistake would be removed from her sight that day. So, at 5 weeks of age, the puppies were pulled from their mom and delivered to those who wanted them.

When Squirt was brought to us, Gia was gone to the Gulf with friends for a few weeks and by the time she got home, it was much, much to late :D - Squirt was my baby through and through, and Gia became her Sissy. Squirt had the best of all worlds - a mom who loved her to distraction and a sissy who spoiled her rotten. Squirt was never alone the first few years of her life. If she wasn't with me, she was with Gia. Until Squirt got too big, Gia and I typically wore clothes with large pockets into which we would put our Sweet Bebe so she could go too. I got caught more than once in WalMart when her little head would poke out of the pocket or bib of my Big Smith overalls! :p Gia took her to a movie one time in her Big Smiths and got caught half-way through the movie when Squirt decided to talk to the characters on the screen! LOL Gia adamantly insisted Squirt had every right to be with her in that theatre and if Squirt couldn't go in then she wanted her money back. Which she got- then was politely escorted to her car, money, dog and all! :p

Squirt's first Christmas was HUGE at our house. I always went over-board with gifts for Gia at Christmas so she felt Squirt deserved the same. Every shopping trip I would hear something like this, "But, Mom, this would look so cute on Squirt!" or "Oh, Mama, look at this! Squirt would love this, don't you think?" So we would come home with half our packages holding toys and goodies for Squirt. She had as many gifts under the tree as Gia did! :)

The contents of the boxes didn't interest Squirt as she had no idea there was more to them than the bows and bright papers. But, man, did she love the boxes! She just knew this was a grand new game we had come up with just for her. They were there for her to take flying leaps into, bounce around on, push across the floor with her nose, then snarl and growl while tugging on the larger ones she couldn't shove. I would walk by her bed 10x a day to find bows carefully removed from presents and placed there in a pile. :rolleyes: There was lots of re-bowing, re-taping, and re-arranging that Christmas! But for some reason, Squirt never bothered the tree or the ornaments.

This was when we learned about Squirt's strong mothering instinct. Among her presents were several toys with squeakers in them. The first time she heard a squeak, her little ears perked up and her eyes got this very intense look in them. Squirt came up to the toy that had squeaked, nosed it around, licked it for a second, then very gently picked it up like a bitch would a puppy and laid it in her bed where she nosed and licked some more. She treated every squeaky toy in this manner while the quiet ones were subject to much chewing, tossing, and tugging. We could take all the squeaky toys out of her bed, place them through the house, and she would take each one back to bed after carefully checking them out. It was so precious to watch! Those were her babies and they stayed looking as new as the day she got them for years.

As she has aged, she has lost interest in toys, bows and packages but she still catches the Christmas fever and just has to walk through the boxes under the tree. A more stately walk to be sure, but in my heart I believe she remembers.

I know she remembers her Sissy because if she hears that word, she perks up and starts looking for her. They were sisters in the purest sense. One day, Gia, Squirt and I, along with all those we love and have lost will gather once again around the Tree that shines with light for all time.

One day, we will all be reunited with our loved ones, wrapped forever in a loving Light that will never dim. I believe when that time comes, we will all look back on our earthly days here with complete understanding of the tragedies we have each faced, we will have full knowledge of the things we cannot comprehend now, and the joys and love we have experienced here will grow to fill our beings to bursting, leaving no room for anything else.

Hugs,
Leslie

[Squirt's Mom]

Susan - I am sooooo glad to hear from you!


HUGSHUGSHUGSHUGS

[jrepac]

Leslie,
Thanks for sharing such lovely memories of Gia and Squirt.
Really made me smile and I need that right now. :D

BTW--I was wondering why Squirt had the longer hair...seemed unusual for a Cairn...now I know that a Chihuahua made that happen! She is such a cutie...love the part about the X-Mas bows.

Jeff & Angel Mandy

[Bailey's Mom]

Leslie...you just gave me a nice, warm feeling. Thanks!:D:D:D

-Susan

[addy]

My dad has been gone for ten years now, his death was very hard for me as I fought for him the last month of his life. I do not dream of him very often but last night I did dream of my Dad. When I awoke this morning, I had a warm fuzzy feeling and layed quietly for a moment, smiling and said "Hi Dad, glad I saw you last night, you always know when I need you."

And he does for whenever I am in a hard place, I meet my Dad in my dreams. He comforts me and gives me the strength to go on.

So dear friends, I truly believe in life ever after and please remember our loved ones are never very far away for they remain in our hearts and souls forever and that includes our precious fur babys

Happy Holidays,
Addy

[Bailey's Mom]

My Mom died after a five year battle with cancer. She died on her birthday and she was only 64. While I had stood by her side those five years, I was still lost when she died. She had had such a rough time with her cancer treatments. I kept asking for a sign something that would tell me she was okay. I kept asking and I kept asking. One day I was returning home from work. Our street sign at the end of the street had been missing for months. It was back. The sign was back! I took that as my "sign." God has a good sense of humor!

Things were hard for quite awhile after she died. We had been very close and she had fought a valiant fight against her cancer. She told me one day, when the cancer returned after we thought we had "won," that she felt she had had a good life. She had seen her two children grown and out on their own. She had had five years with Ryan that she would not have had had she not fought her cancer. She was okay....she specifically told me I needed to know she was okay.

She felt she had a "thing" with my son because he liked lights....Christmas lights, flashlights, lightening bugs. They always were discovering lights. Soon after her death, I noticed that while we were driving along, sometimes, just as we got under a street lamp, they would go "out." I don't remember how it started but we started thinking that as we drove along and got right under a street lamp, if it went out it was Mom's way of saying "Hello. I'm here." It often happened. We'd be driving along, get directly under a street lamp and it would go out/off. I started thinking there was something to this. I also started noticing that when I was going through an especially stressful time, it always seemed to happen. It's like she was watching over me and, again, letting me know she was there.

Now, I knew this was kind of silly. One evening things seemed especially hard and I went for a walk. We lived in an urban area, so there were sidewalks all around us. I walked one block away to where there is a middle school and tennis courts and soccer fields. I walked under a street lamp and it went out. It kind of spooked me. I walked down about fifty feet, turned around and looked at the lamp. It was still out. I said to myself, and the "man" upstairs - if there really is anything to this, as I walk back, the street lamp will go on. Darned if it didn't go on just as I walked beneath it.

So-thereafter I decided that my "theory" was right. If I was wrong, no harm done. It made me feel better. And I really liked thinking Mom was around. It's almost 20 years now and the street lamps are still going out. Every time one does, I say out loud...."Hi, Mom!" And darned if, more times than not, it's a time when this presence is really helpful to me. It gives me warmth and a feeling that I am not alone. She's right there with me. My son has been "in" on this since the beginning - he was 5 when she died. I'm not sure what he thinks about all this, but if a light goes out when we're together, I say "There's Grandma!"

I personally do believe that this life on earth is not the end of it. I have read, and choose to believe, that when we get to the next level, we will look back and see that our lives on earth are just like a blink of the eye. What is waiting for us all is more beautiful than we can imagine and will be so much more of our total "lives." I think that Palmer is there......and Peaches, and they are both healthy and romping around. Peaches was so loved by my Mom and I expect they have reunited and introduced her to Palmer. They have found one another and are pleased with the Mom they have.

We can all find little bits of peace every day, if we so choose. :)

-Susan

[labblab]

Today we put up our Christmas tree and I missed my dad especially. Today is his birthday, and if he were still alive, we would have been celebrating him, and he would have been celebrating the tree -- because there was nothing that he loved more than decorating the tree. He and I, especially. We loved everything about it, from picking out the tree, to hauling it indoors, to stringing the lights, to hanging the ornaments, to finishing it all off with those silver tin foil "icicles" that we had back in the 50's. Well, almost finishing it off. Because truly the last thing we did was to hang little bells all around the lowest branches of the tree. We were a "cat family," and when I was very small, my beloved kitty got the clever idea to try to climb up the Christmas tree and instead knocked it "splat" on the floor. So from that time onward and through the next generation of cats, the bells were always hung as the "cat alarm." If any of us were to hear even a tiny tinkle, we were to run to the tree as fast as we could -- just to make sure it stayed standing.

I still have those bells. And last thing today, I hung them at the very bottom of my tree. They no longer serve their use as an alarm, cuz the tree sits inside an exercise pen in order to keep the dogs at bay. But they remind me of my dad and my kitties. I wish my dad could have helped me today. And I keep hoping that someday I may be at the far end of the house and I'll hear a bell tinkle, just like in the old days. If it were to happen, I would run back to the tree as fast as I could. If only I could have those times back again, if only for a few moments. If only I could pet my kitties and if only I could give my dad a birthday hug.

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Marianne,

Hoping you have the tinkling of bells and the remembered warmth of your dad's arms this Season; wishing you a glimpse, from the corner of your eye, of him with Barkis and all those you love on the other side surrounding your tree, beaming their love to your heart and soothing your spirit as only they can.

Hugs,
Leslie

[jrepac]

The years pass all too quickly.....I'd like to roll back the clock to when my Mom was healthy and my Dolly dog was running around the X-Mas tree knocking down all the ornaments ;)

But, we do the best we can do under the current circumstances and remember those happier times.:)


Jeff & Angel Mandy

[mytil]

Christmas is always tough for us. We lost our dear Clancy xmas eve - he passed away in my arms. How he used to love to open his presents and root through his stocking....I still miss those days and him and Mytilda.

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi-
I learned this evening that the pups in the oven numbered only three, as it turns out. I'm fourth in line. :( The kennel is checking with Numbers 1, 2 & 3 to see if they are ready to go through with their adoptions.

We went to Florida last week for our winter "shot" of warm air. Yeah right. Where we were, all the places had up all their outside decorations. It was so pretty. Most were the LED lights which add punch to the display. I got back home and there are very few lights up so far. What a difference. At least I got to see holiday decorations in Florida.

When we ate out the last day, I had ordered a salad with chicken. It was so huge that I could not finish it. We were asked if we wanted to box it up and I caught myself about to say-yes....just the chicken.....for my doggie at home. I would have frozen the chicken overnight and it would have traveled okay.

Then I turned the computer on.......and there was Palmer. It was like seeing an old friend after a while apart. I was not aware while gone how much I was missing him, but soon as we got back into the house, it hit me.

I miss that I have to pass by the stores.....not buy any new toys or treats.

I am meant to have a dog. I am not whole without a dog. I hope this doesn't take a long,long time.

Check out this video....while it is about a kitten, it will not only make you smile, it will make you laugh out loud! You'll have to cut and paste.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8

-Susan

[labblab]

Oh Susan, the video is SOOO cute. Both Jim and I love cats, and we would have both cats 'n dogs if we could. But he is horribly allergic and we have to love cats from afar these days (so the video was perfect ;)).

I'm so sorry that it looks as though you may have to wait a little longer for your puppy. Once you make the decision to expand the family, it's so hard to wait :(!! I'll be hoping for some good luck, though. We were so lucky the way things finally turned out for us after Barkis died. At first we said we were going to wait several months -- through the winter -- before getting another little one. Then we decided it couldn't hurt to go and meet with the breeder we had contacted (she maintains bloodlines that have produced service dogs, and we were hoping for a pup with that type of disposition). So we headed off one Saturday, and spent an hour in her "puppy pen," rolling around with her newest litter, all of whom were spoken for. One little girl in particular -- black with a little tiny white patch on her chest-- caught our hearts. She kept undoing Jim's shoelaces (yeah, we had forgotten it was dumb to wear laced shoes around a bunch of Lab puppies :p), and then fell asleep curled up against his leg. It was hard to leave that afternoon, but we were promised a little black girl out of the next litter (Barkis, my avatar, was our sweet yellow boy and we decided we wanted a black girl so as to start "fresh" with a new little spirit and make no comparisons). And I rationalized, it'll be better to wait, anyway. It'll be better to give us more time to get ready. We'll have more freedom through the holidays.

So we went back home with hope in our hearts once again. It had been my best afternoon since losing Barkis. We went about our business, and we had the projected "birthing week" circled on our calendar. But when that week came, the news was sad. Most of the pups were boys, and most of the girls were yellow. There was no little girl for us. I cried and cried. All of the pain returned in full force.

And then, the NEXT week, the breeder called back. She knew the timing might not be good for us, because it was the middle of November and right before the holidays. But it seemed that one of the prospective adoptive families for the first litter of pups had to back out. The pup they had chosen was a black girl with a little bit of white on her chest. She was more than ready to go to her forever home, and might we be interested in coming back to see her? I couldn't believe my ears!!!! We felt certain she was the little girl who had warmed our hearts in the puppy pen. So of course the answer was "YES" -- sight unseen :D :D. That Saturday, we raced to the breeder and Peg came racing out of the house to greet us. It makes me cry (happy tears) right now to remember. Because as I've told so many people since then, that was the first day since losing Barkis that I did not cry at least a few sad tears. I did't miss him any less. But here was a new little ball of energy and fur who demanded my attention and deserved my love. It was a very hectic but very joyful first Christmas with our new baby :o.

Susan, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you in hopes that things will end up working out just as they are meant to. The puppy that you will receive will be the puppy that you are meant to have and love. And we'll be so excited for you when that day comes, as it will!

Marianne

[addy]

For me it is anticipatory grief once again rearing it's ugly head. I see how fragile Zoe has become and I keep thinking 'what if". What if it is our last Christmas together? This is only our fourth together. Our time together seems so short. I found pictures of her laying underneath the tree among the presents her first Christmas Eve in her forever home. I could not stop crying because of the "what if". I cried all weekend while out looking for a tree. I wanted a beautiful tree because of "what if".

Today is the last day of my prednisone and I can finally cut back on my inhaled steroid. I am hoping that will help get my emotions in check. I become a basket case on those drugs as I cannot sleep.

Still looking for my strength. It has been hard to find the last few weeks. Outside forces like work, weather, family issues have all added additional stress.

I am thinking of making a batch of Sangria:rolleyes:

Zonked out Addy

[Bailey's Mom]

Addy-
I think I understand how you feel. I feel similarly knowing Palmer won't be part of the Christmas morning fun. Perhaps you can look at this from another point........best make the most out of each day now. Right now I'd change the decision I made at the vet-she offered for us to go back home with Palmer and come back at the end of the day. She was trying not to face this, as well! I said-"What will that get us?" I could see us just sitting around watching Palmer's every breath all the while knowing 5 o'clock was coming. I know we made the right decision.....it's just that old nagging - I would give anything for five more minutes with Palmer.

None of us knows how long we or our furry friends has. Accidents can happen at any time. Thinking of the possibilities and not enjoying the moment might be something you'd rather you'd done differently. I said to Palmer...."I'm not ready yet." He knew how I felt. We're never "ready" and it is never easy, but oh the joy and limitless love they give us-unconditional.

I'll be thinking of you.

-Susan

[Bailey's Mom]

Marianne-thank you for sharing. Your story is amazing. Like I said, I know this will work out the way it is supposed to.....I just don't wait very well:rolleyes::rolleyes:, as you mentioned yourself.
I'm glad you enjoyed the video...it almost makes me want a kitty........but they grow into cats...usually pretty independent things. I do love kitties, however.

I've no news so far today. I'm trying very hard not to pester them(!) I can't imagine someone changing their mind. This mommy and daddy are sooooooooooo cute. Their offspring have to be spectacular.

Was/is Peg the name of that fortunate little pup? We saw a dog last week that was very cute (aren't they all soon after you lose one?) and I asked about him. His name is Leroy. What a hoot! I've never heard that one before. Leroy was a little thing and shy.....shook a little bit. Didn't quite live up to his name of Bad, bad Leroy Brown!

I'll let you know once I hear and what the options will be.

I'm having foot surgery tomorrow. I had it in January and it was a total disaster. I am hoping to get things (literally) straightened out this time. Different doc. And we still need to do the other foot. 10:15-I'll be going under........wish me good luck. I'm a little apprehensive.

-Susan

[jrepac]

great kitty video and a very good thread...thanks Marianne and Susan!

Hope your foot surgery goes well!

Yes, we need to enjoy every minute and moment we have w/our little friends as it is fleeting. I've been feeling that a lot lately....thinking about missed opportunities. No matter how many years we have them for, it is never, ever enough. It is still the little things that get to me...unfinished dog biscuits, for instance. I still can't bring myself to go thru her things...like coats, sweaters and toys. Just too upsetting right now.

I was out this weekend, actively "browsing" the pups...but could not bring myself to make a choice just yet....maybe I'm not really ready. Was thinking about a cute little chihuahua I saw...incredibly sweet, but I've always been a terrier person. I just got an email from a breeder who had a new litter of Aussies a few weeks ago. They have a blue/tan girl who is totally cute...I may have to put a deposit on her....gotta give this some thought. She is the only girl in the litter....could it be fate? see her pix below

http://www.puppyfind.com/view_listing/?list_id=693g37430j&sid=f8598f711da7d3a84130adc048386155&back=%2Ffor_sale%2F%3Fbreed_id%3D12%26country%3D%2 6state%3D%26page%3D1%26order_by%3Dnew%26back%3D

I am sure I will know when I am ready....my Mandy will send me a message, I suspect!

Jeff & Angel Mandy

[Bailey's Mom]

Jeff-what a CUTIE!! If you don't take her, I will!
Palmer passed on on 8/5 and it took until about one month ago before I could really think about the next fur baby. Grieving is different for everyone. There is no "wrong" way, nor is there a time when you "should be over it." I think you will know when you're ready and when it's the right one for you.
Don't you think it would be fun to have a puppy on Christmas morning?!!!:):):D
-Susan

[mytil]

Oh Jeff,

She is a doll baby!!!!! So incredibly cute. It is so hard to describe, about being ready - but you will most certainly know. For me, it took a while, but when I saw her I just knew she had to be with us.

Don't feel bad about not wanting to toss or give away some things. In time you can make this decision. I still have everything from Clancy and Mytilda even after all these years :).

Terry

[labblab]

Jeff, I agree -- what a cutie!!!!!! And I "second" what Terry has said about giving yourself all the time you need to make your decisions about Mandy's things. It may even turn out that you will choose to pass on some of these things to your new baby girl when she arrives. I know it just depends on the person, but my hubby and I ended up feeling comforted by seeing Peg (and now Luna) choosing Barkis' favorite toys and curling up on his dogbed. It's as if he's here watching over them with us. His dogbed has his name sewed across it, and oh my goodness -- how much it hurt to see that empty bed during those weeks that we were without him. And we weren't sure what we would end up doing with it. But the evening that we brought little baby Peg home, she immediately went over to his bed and sniffed it carefully, and then curled up right in the middle, gave a big sigh, and closed her eyes. All safe and sound and protected. Jim and I looked at each other and said, "well, I guess that decision has been made." And Luna subsequently did exactly the same thing. So now, instead of being a source of tears, his bed and his toys make it seem as though he is still here and taking care of "his" baby sisters. So you just never know how you'll end up feeling about these things. Give yourself all the time you want or need to decide.

Marianne

P.S. to Susan: Yes, our Peg is indeed that little black girl who healed our hearts. And as a holiday gift to myself, I have FINALLY uploaded some photos of all three of my babies to my own album. Here's "little" Peg on the day that we first brought her home (she's over 80 pounds now!): http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/album.php?albumid=280&pictureid=2171 :)

[Squirt's Mom]

Jeff,

She is precious! :D

After Crys died, I found myself looking at Pitties, knowing I wasn't ready, but wanting to look anyway. Several times I almost called on one or the other Pit but it was never quite right. Then I saw Trinket's picture and I knew right away this was the baby my heart had been seeking.

If this is the baby your heart is seeking, then by all means take action now! ;) No telling how many others are looking at her and thinking the same things are...as was the case with Trink. The fact that she is with us, instead of one of the many others who wanted her, tells me my reaction to her pic was right on the mark - Trinket was supposed to be with us.

Follow your heart, Jeff and Susan! It will lead you where you are supposed to be.

Gosh! Ya'll are getting me excited for ya! :D:D

Hugs,
Leslie

[jrepac]

Jeff, I agree -- what a cutie!!!!!! And I "second" what Terry has said about giving yourself all the time you need to make your decisions about Mandy's things. It may even turn out that you will choose to pass on some of these things to your new baby girl when she arrives. I know it just depends on the person, but my hubby and I ended up feeling comforted by seeing Peg (and now Luna) choosing Barkis' favorite toys and curling up on his dogbed. It's as if he's here watching over them with us. His dogbed has his name sewed across it, and oh my goodness -- how much it hurt to see that empty bed during those weeks that we were without him. And we weren't sure what we would end up doing with it. But the evening that we brought little baby Peg home, she immediately went over to his bed and sniffed it carefully, and then curled up right in the middle, gave a big sigh, and closed her eyes. All safe and sound and protected. Jim and I looked at each other and said, "well, I guess that decision has been made." And Luna subsequently did exactly the same thing. So now, instead of being a source of tears, his bed and his toys make it seem as though he is still here and taking care of "his" baby sisters. So you just never know how you'll end up feeling about these things. Give yourself all the time you want or need to decide.

Such a nice story...I am planning on keeping Mandy's little "lounge chair" you see in her album (the brown one w/the white pattern on it). She just LOVED that darn thing. I was looking back at her puppy photos and there she was...fast asleep in it! I'm going to put new fabric on it...it's got a solid foam core and is in good shape so a new pup can enjoy it. And, it will be like you say...taking something a bit sad and making it happy again.:)

I'm very much drawn to that little Aussie pup...even though I've seen a bunch of cuties already. I can't have her until mid-January, which is OK, I think. There is just something about her...:D

Jeff & Angel Mandy

[gpgscott]

Jeff,

Too cute!

:D

Can't wait to hear the story.

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi!
No news on the puppy front yet. If I don't hear by mid-day Monday I will call them.

I'm post surgery and doing pretty well. It was a lot more pain than I bargained for.....more than knee replacement surgery. I go see the doc on Monday AM to have a "look/see" and will get more info as to what was done, what needs to happen. It seems to me that this is a better start than the first one was.

Florida was cold.......sunny, but cold. We survived the airport security measures.

Has anyone had a doggie that "used the tree" to pee on? I kept expecting Palmer to do that, but he never did. He sure did know, though, that when that big tree was up inside the house good things were about to happen. I miss having him stretched out between my legs on the recliner. With this surgery, I have missed having him by my side comforting me. I still have his duck on the bed. I still carry his collar around from time to time. Now when I see his picture show up on my desktop screen, I smile.....and I say "Hi buddy!" It has gotten a bit easier now.

In case anyone is traveling for the holidays, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. I will be around, so I expect to keep tabs on anyone who chooses to write. I hope you have many happy memories to share. I know Palmer will be there enjoying all the events. Thanks to all of you for all of your support. :D:D:D:D

-Susan

[addy]

We were afraid to get a real tree for that very reason. We thought our Koko would piddle on it.

He has not bothered the artifical tree. He mainly wants to get at the tree skirt. He loves to chew and suck on fabric:rolleyes:

We are staying home, no traveling. I'll check in too in case anyone needs an ear.

Susan, I hope you feel better and are up and about soon and hope you get some puppy news.

Addy

[Casey's Mom]

Speaking of tree skirts my little Havanese Desi has chewed the braid off mine three times. You would think I would have learned by now and tonight it has been put away until next year when I can try again.

This is a sad Christmas for us as we just lost my moms Jack Russell cross on Monday. Seems after a month of testing at the vet and her still not wanting to eat and vomitting we took her back again to get some answers. The vet did another xray and showed a large mass in her abdomen and thought it was cancerous. It is a shame that we don't have an ultrasound machine anywhere near our city so we couldn't tell but Tawnee was gradually slipping away while we were there so mom made the decision to end her life painlessly. To see my mom cry like that was incredibly painful and I too will miss Tawnee very much. She was my older dog Casey's best friend until I got Desi but we still all went there with our dogs on Sundays and there would be four of them around. There is a photo of them in my album taken last year at Casey's 14th birthday.

No one feels much like celebrating this year but we will do what we can for our mom and the children.

God bless everyone and especially those who cannot speak for themselves. :)

Love and hugs,

[labblab]

Oh Ellen, such sad news and such a painful time to lose little Tawnee. She looks like such a sweetheart! In order for everybody to see, here's a link to your photo of the birthday party and the "Gang of Four" :o...:

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/album.php?albumid=186&pictureid=1432

I know it will be very hard to make it through this coming week. So please stop back here whenever you want to talk. I'll bet the memories will flood back in full force, as well as your wish that things could have been different.

Please let your mom know there's a whole family of folks here who are honoring little Tawnee alongside her. If you should ever wish to place a memorial thread for Tawnee here on "In Loving Memory," it will be our privilege to always read and remember. I am also going right now to light a candle for Tawnee on our special candle-lighting site. Anyone and everyone is welcome to light candles, too. That way, lights for Tawnee can be kept burning all through Christmas.

Ellen, many hugs to you and your family,
Marianne

[jrepac]

Such a nice story...I am planning on keeping Mandy's little "lounge chair" you see in her album (the brown one w/the white pattern on it). She just LOVED that darn thing. I was looking back at her puppy photos and there she was...fast asleep in it! I'm going to put new fabric on it...it's got a solid foam core and is in good shape so a new pup can enjoy it. And, it will be like you say...taking something a bit sad and making it happy again.:)

I'm very much drawn to that little Aussie pup...even though I've seen a bunch of cuties already. I can't have her until mid-January, which is OK, I think. There is just something about her...:D

Jeff & Angel Mandy

Well, I have decided to wait until Spring for a new Aussie friend, BUT, I just fell in love w/that little chihuahua! :p After my 3rd trip to see her, I just had to bring her home w/me. I got her on Dec 17th. She came from a small pup specialty shop; she had 3 brothers in the litter who were also quite cute, but she just captured my heart. :D Her name is Pebbles. She is all of 2.5lbs and is 4 months old. They tell me she may top out at 5lbs or so. Here are her first few pix:

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/album.php?albumid=282

We are on Day 4 and doing very, very well getting acclimated and wee-wee pad trained. She's been on her own little "world tour" since the weekend, visiting everyone and going to X-Mas parties.

Although I still miss my sweet Mandy, this little one makes me smile and has already lifted my spirits during this holiday season. Quite a change from my usual terrier dogs, but she is precious.

Jeff, Angel Mandy & Pebbles!

[labblab]

Jeff, all I can say is, AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! :p :) :D :p :) :D :p :) :D :p

We need PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Marianne

P.S. I see you were posting pictures even as I was writing. So now all I can say is DOUBLE AAAWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! :) :)

[Squirt's Mom]

How cuuute!!!! :D:D I am so happy for you, Jeff! Pebbles is a doll and I know she will warm your heart. Welcome to the world of Teacups where we worry about ounces VS pounds, hours between meals VS number of meals, and spend many hours a day hopping around on one foot looking for a teeny body before we set that clod-hopper on the floor. :p

Congratulations, Dad, and welcome to the family, Pebbles!

Hugs,
Leslie, Squirt and Trinket

[addy]

Welcome Pebbles,

What a great Christmas present, Jeff. She is soooo cute and tiny.

Pebbles, I LOVE the name.

I am so happy for you.

Hugs,
Addy

[Bailey's Mom]

Welcome Pebbles! You are so tiny. Jeff-maybe you could go back and get that cute aussie as a brother/sister?

Well-I made it through the surgery and one week. I have to keep it wrapped up and in a boot for 7 weeks....and only then will I really know how it is all going.

I checked back on the puppies-where 4 expected turned out to be only 3. I guess no one changed their mind. I am now first on a list for puppies expected about 1/18. I've been trying to find pictures of Mom, and Dad and if I found the correct ones, I think this batch may be too large for us. I'm just going to wait until closer to the time they're due.

A good friend, my age, has a daughter, my son's age -and they are both only children. It's a very long story so I'll skip that part. Saturday AM I talked with my friend and things were fine. At 5pm she called me and said "My daughter died today." It was a blood clot in her lungs and my friend thinks this did not have to happen. Her daughter had recently moved west after having extensive surgery and health problems through the spring and summer. The docs out west would not take her on as a patient and it was too soon post-op. Apparently you should be about 2 years post-op for something big like she had before you change physicians.....the move made this very difficult for her, but she was flying back every two months for her follow-up check ups. She was just here right before Thanksgiving. Well-instead of someone being familiar with her case, after she had a seizure they were looking for a viral issue. They weren't looking or thinking about blood clots. She did not survive the second seizure, the next day. What do you say to someone? I just kept saying how sorry I was. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this.

On a much lighter note.......I am all finished wrapping and shopping. IT's a new milestone. And have 3 days left!! Perhaps I can get some of those little kitchen hand towels made. Or maybe some naps??!!:D:D

I'd better get to bed. It's really cold in the house now!!!:eek:

-Susan

[Casey's Mom]

Welome Pebbles and congratulations Jeff for finding her and giving her a great home. I know she will lighten your heart this Christmas.

Susan I hope you get your little one soon. Horrible news about your friends daughter, I cannot imagine what she is going through.

Peace and love and joy to all this holiday season:)May you all be blessed with family, friends and lots of furry friends around you.

[jrepac]

Thanks for the kind thoughts everyone; Pebbles is definitely a bright spot in my life right now! She is just SO cute...we went to the vet for the first time today and the girls there just adored her. I have never had a dog THIS small, so it is an adjustment. Particularly when the vet is saying "give her 1/2 a millileter" of liquid vitamin and I can't figure out where the mark on the dropper is for such a small amount? Because there is none! LOL

I still have my eye on that Aussie girl...I liked her a lot. Was just a bit hesitant as my Mandy's breeder will (should?) have a litter in Jan/Feb...I'd like to get a pup from her, if possible. We shall see; Pebbles would benefit from having a friend her age!

Susan, that story is just SO troubling. Medical care in this country is just all screwed up...$$$ first, care second. But, you do hear stories like this out there.

Happy holidays to everyone!

Jeff, Angel Mandy & Pebbles

[Dollydog]

Oh Jeff....she's just adorable....you must be having so much fun!! What a Merry Christmas you're going to have....Welcome Pebbles!
Looking forward to more updates on your new family member!
Jo-Ann :)

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi-
Does it never end? Another friend was lost to cancer yesterday. That's two cancer deaths in one month. :(:(:mad:
Our neighbor came by with Zoe yesterday-the springer spaniel puppy. Zoe is so very friendly. She's getting pretty big now-she must be 4 months or so. We live on a cul-de-sac and if the owner is out walking Zoe, Zoe always stares at our doorway looking for someone to come out. How cool is that? I wonder what Palmer would have thought with Zoe.,....something like....Wow! This is one big playmate!!

Take care all. Happy holidays! Best wishes for a healthy, happy 2011. Thanks for all of your support. It's been quite a year. You can find me behind the books on puppy training!! :D:D:D

-Hugs, kisses, and more hugs-
Susan

[maggiebeagle]

It's been almost a year since we lost Maggie, December 29 will be her angel day. I miss her every day. I posted a holiday picture of her in my album from a few years ago.
Meanwhile Beth, your Bad Boys namesake is a sweet, funny, bundle on energy. My husband was never really sold on us having dogs so I find it very funny that Cailey has decided to be his girl. She has our "little old man" terrier Benny on an exercise regimen (play, play, play) and he has lost 5 pounds. The vet is thrilled.
My son graduated from college (finally) last week and my daughter and our grand dog Emma have moved back home to save money for grad school so our nest is no longer empty (or quiet).
Wishing all of you peace.

[Bailey's Mom]

Merry Christmas Eve!
Sure is quiet and not as merry without Palmer. He's in my heart.
-Susan

[Bailey's Mom]

:(The above post was @4:30-it's now two hours later. This is very rough. I soooooooooo need Palmer.:(

[labblab]

I'm thinking of you, Susan, and so wishing I could think of something brilliant to say to ease the ache. But I know there are no words that will do that. I am closing my eyes and beaming you hugs from across the miles. And I will light a Christmas candle in honor of your sweet Palmer.

Marianne

[Spiceysmum]

Missing you so much Spicey, especially today.

Love and kisses, Mum x

[labblab]

And now, for me in my time zone, it is Christmas morning...:o ;)

Already such a mixture of feelings for me. So grateful for the loved ones who are still physically present; very much missing those who are not. The past and the present join together in my heart and in my memories.

I'm heading off to light another candle right now. For anyone else who wishes to join in, here is a link to our special candle-lighting site:

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=K9C

It will be beautiful to see the glow of all our Christmas candles, all through the day and night. I hope it will help to warm all of our hearts.

With my best wishes to all,
Marianne

[Bailey's Mom]

And now it is the day after Christmas. Christmas eve included a very bad argument with my husband and a lot of tears. Christmas day went smoothly. I often thought of Palmer, told him I was missing him, and continued on. Christmas without a fur ball just is not how I'd like to have it be.
I lit a candle for Palmer. That does help. The hugs are very helpful. We'll get through this. I did find that dinner at the "formal" table was easier than it was on Thanksgiving. As I I am aware, going through all those "firsts" can be very difficult. I feel at least that I am walking through this one........experiencing the emotions. I can feel my fluffy friend. He is here.
Best wishes to all and huge thanks to all.
-Susan

[labblab]

I started a thread this same way last November. I hope it was a comfort last year, and that it will be a comfort once again. We are a family that spans the globe, bearing our sad losses together and holding one another up, all together. So once again, here is a thread that can be our "home" for the holidays. Here we go...



These last few weeks have been so tough for our family here. And the holidays are especially hard, no matter whether the loss was yesterday or ten years ago. So I thought I'd start a thread where people can check in, if they want. It'll be here all through the holidays. And if anybody has a special memory to share, we will love to hear about it. And if anybody is having an especially hard day, we'll be here to listen and join in a group hug. Because that's what we do. We laugh and cry together. And that's the way we continue to honor our loved ones, all through the holidays.


Marianne

[labblab]

And for those who may not already know about our special candle-lighting site, here is a link:

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=K9C

All through the holidays, we can keep our candles burning bright. Shining with comfort and warmth. The candles will keep shining through our tears, and remind us that love never dies.

Marianne

[Roxee's Dad]

Thank you Marianne,

Just taking a moment to remember my Roxee and Mickee. It will be difficult going through the holidays and missing all their little quirks. They would always get excited and knew that when the tree went up, it meant special treats and a load of toys. I can still see Roxee looking at the gifts under the tree..then looking at me and waiting until I said OK... She always knew exactly which package contained her favorite toy and loved ripping it apart. Mickee would always be close by reminding us not to forget his special treats.

I have been taking every opportunity to enjoy as much time as I can with Rozee, (Roxee's littermate sister) and LittleBit. Rozee always waits for the big bag of toys to get dumped so she can jump into the middle of them :) she is getting older, 16 now, but still loves her stuffed toys. LittleBit is still learning that life in our home is about fun, playtime and cuddle time... it will be her 2nd Christmas with us. I think she likes it here ;):)

Miss my Roxee girl and My Mickee boy........

[labblab]

It is Christmas morning, and the doggie girls and I are the first ones awake. It is still dark, and so the lights from the tree gleam so beautifully. In just a little while, coffee will be brewing and "Merry Christmas!" will ring throughout the house. But right in this moment, I stand by the tree and remember Christmases Past, and shed a little tear for the loved ones who are with us today in spirit alone. Oh, for just one more moment together, one more hug. Just one more Christmas...

But the light from the tree shines so brightly. And so does our love. I will always remember. And I will always miss you all, until the day that we are reunited once again.

Merry Christmas to all my beloved angels. Peace be with you, now and forever ~
Marianne

[labblab]

I decided to "bump up" this thread once again, just in case anybody has a thought or memory that they'd like to share throughout this holiday season. For me, when I think of my angels, the holidays always bring both smiles and tears. And it feels good to know there is a place where I can come and talk, no matter which way I'm feeling. :o

Don't worry, Spirit Barkis, I'll be saving a bite of turkey for you, just like I do every year! I miss you so much.

Marianne

[addy]

Thank you Marianne, what a kind, thoughtful thing to do.

Last year my mother had fallen and broken her pevic in two places and we did not think she would recover. Most people her age do not. I was out looking for nursing homes. It was quite a feat to bring her home last year for Thanksgiving, she could not walk by herself or get in and out of a car.

This year, she walks with a walker just fine and can walk in and out of my house without a ramp and get in and out of my car.

We plan on having a joyous Thanksgiving with her and Zoe and Koko. The kids are stopping by for appetizers and their Papa's famous Bloody Marys sans liquor;)

I am so thankful my mom and Zoe are still here. I feel truly blessed.

I will say a shout out to my dad in heaven. I believe he does a great job watching over us and has some good pull with God:) I miss him very much even though he has been gone for 12 years. But his presence is always with me, steering me to the right path.

Thank you Dad, for still being there for me.

[Kodasmom]

Today is Koda's birthday..he would have been 7 Dec 19. Today.
It has been a hard journey the past 5 months,but I got through it.I still shed a tear at the thought that he is gone, but I can say that I KNOW his little soul is up there watching ,running and playing.We have since found so many countless memories of him on old camera films and memory cards that make us laugh and smile at the good times we had.
I have taken in a little white shih tzu with poor back legs...like koda minus the cushings..he needed a home when we were grieving so I asked my Koda angel if he would like me to help this dog.I knew he would want me to. His name is Casper and he is very much his own dog. Koda was my first shih tzu type and he was so wonderful, it is an honour to have another.
At first I felt terribly guilty, but that is to be expected. He does not take Kodas spot, as NO dog ever can, but he is a welcome smile to a house of cats..lol.
I also have fostered a stray cat that came to me the day Koda died.
There were 2 of them that came that awful day and I started feeding them.I rehomed one and now took in the other with the help of a rescue, will get him a forever home.
Koda taught me to love unconditionally...(knew I would start crying)
I gave him all the care and love that I never thought possible,and he has taught me so much about inner strength.Even at the end, he was so stoic and tough about his illness and never showed it.
Koda boy..happy bithday in heaven.I wish you were here with me in body but I know your spirit is here.
Miss that dog sooo much.

[labblab]

Oh HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear Koda!!!

Birthdays, like holidays, are times when our precious memories should always be celebrated -- even through our tears. So thank you so much for telling us that this is Koda's special day!

I know he is so glad that you have opened your heart to these new babies. As you say, he is not being replaced in any way. But I believe that love is a circle that remains unbroken. So Koda is joining you in passing his love on to these new little ones. And so the bond among you all grows even stronger.

I am so glad that you posted this note. I wish Spirit Koda the happiest of birthdays, and I wish you and your whole family a holiday season filled with love.

Sending many hugs,
Marianne

[mytil]

Big Happy Birthday to your sweet angel Koda. I know he is watching over you and I think maybe Koda had something to do with you meeting Casper.

I am glad to read that you are able to smile at the memories you and Koda have - and these memories will stay alive for an eternity. And it is okay to have tears in your eyes as well.

((((hugs))))
Terry

[molly muffin]

Awww, Happy Birthday to Koda. Just think, he gave you a special gift, he gave you Casper to ease the pain and to show you laughter would again be possible. Koda led the way and the journey now is yours to make with Casper and the others who will come in and out of your life. I am sure that his playful loving spirit is always with you.

hugs,
Sharlene

[Casey's Mom]

Yes this is a very hard time for me - when I got out the Christmas decorations and found Casey's stocking, then hanging the ornaments on the tree and finding hers the tears started flowing..... 15 Christmases with her and now she is gone.

Last year after Christmas I bought two dog ornaments with angels wings for my tree, one for Casey and one for Desi. Dear Casey passed away a month later but now her angel hangs on my tree.

Hugs to everyone else who is going through the same sadness. Luckily I am babysitting 4 dogs over the holidays as well as having Desi and Oreo so the house will be full of wagging tails Christmas morning.

[labblab]

Oh Ellen, I can imagine how bittersweet it is for you to see Casey's little angel on your tree. We have little photo ornaments so there is a picture of every one of our furbabies on our tree -- even my beloved kitties from way back when I was a little girl. It is kind of a wall of memories that hurts and comforts all at the same time.

I know all those wagging tails will be filing your house tomorrow morning. But there will also be one wagging tail that you will be missing so much. I will be thinking of you and Casey's little angel when I look at the photos of my own dear spirits.

Sending many hugs across the miles on this Christmas Eve,
Marianne

[labblab]

I just want to remind you all of our special candle-lighting site:

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=K9C

We can fill the page with our lighted candles, and even though our eyes may be filled with tears, our hearts will be filled with our love that burns so brightly. Just like a beacon in the night. Just like the flames from our candles.

I wish a blessed Christmas to all ~
Marianne

[milosmom]

i did go to this site and it gave me peace.thank you xoxox patty

[Kodasmom]

I lit a candle there for my Kodas memory. I too, found a box from last Christmas labled "to Koda Love Mom and Dad. It was the Boston Bruins coat that we had gotten him last year for Xmas and saved the box.
It was very sad.I also pulled out his ShihTzu dog ornament for the tree and put it beside another angel that was my daughter\s from her grave.
Koda is definitely with her...I know she would have loved animals as I do. Her name was Nicole and she was my first baby, born Dec 31,1991.
She died of SIDS a month later while we were napping..Next to her death, Koda's was the hardest...
Rest in peace my angels...I will see you again.
Hope you all at this site,had a merry Christmas. It is hard on the holidays, but we have to count the blessings that we still have.
Thanks for all the hugs and support here, it means ALOT.
Theresa.

[lulusmom]

Theresa, I am so very sorry for your losses. There is no doubt in my mind that your baby girl, Nicole, was there to meet Koda when he crossed over. I am also sure that they will watch over you and your family until it's time to meet again.

Rest in peace Nicole and Koda.

[Squirt's Mom]

In all honesty, this has been the most difficult Season since my daughter passed away in ’06. Letting Tasha go around the same time just added to. Memories of family and babies gone before have been so close, bringing both tears and laughter. And about the time I was getting my feet back under me, the shooting at Sandy Hook occurred. There are no words to describe what that did to my Soul. All I could think about was those poor parents who would open closets and look under beds to see presents that would never be opened. I know about those presents. I still have those presents.

Gia and I collected ornaments throughout her lifetime. Every Dec. 26th, we were standing in line at the crack of dawn in front of high end stores we could never afford to shop in, our Christmas money clasped tightly in hand. We would gather all the ornaments that we liked, then go off by ourselves with our cart and sort them, choosing the ones we could afford to buy with great excitement. Once home, they would be lovingly packed away with the rest, anticipating next year when they would hang on our tree. Most of the ornaments we bought were glass and quite fragile, and there are those we made as well as some from when my mom was young. When Gia’s oldest son was born, we used those ornaments his first Christmas then put them away until he was older. We got soft, unbreakable ornaments to use meantime.

This year, I was able to put up the Glass Tree. It is set in my bedroom at the foot of the bed where I can see the ornaments we gathered over the years. Every night I turn the lights on and feel my child near for a little while. One of Tasha’s beds is lying under the tree where she left it and that seems fitting. I allow the sorrow to come in all its manifestations then light a candle in gratitude to honor my Beloved Dead. Each was a gift, each brought many Blessings, and each has taught this old bag of bones about living as a Spiritual being.

My Journey will one day end as well and I hope they find me worthy of the Blessings they so freely gave. Until that day, I will continue to mourn and celebrate their lives in equal measure to the best of my ability.

[labblab]

Leslie, thank you for sharing the milestone of your precious Glass Tree with us. What you have written touches me more deeply than words can convey. So I close my eyes and imagine your tree in all its glory, and I find myself in a place where no words are needed. Because the feelings are all that really matter.

In loving memory, always, of all those who are near and dear to us all ~
Marianne

[labblab]

Just a few more hours remain for me before turning over the old year and ringing in the new. I've just been to our "Remembering" thread and allowed my mind and heart to rest for a moment on each one of the names that have been entered there during this past year. On one hand, it is beyond sad to see so many loved ones listed there. But on the other hand, it settles my own spirit to know that they are all together and that we are able to honor them always.

There is nothing that would please me more than to think that we would not need to begin a new list in 2013. I hope against hope that many days will pass in the coming year before the list begins. But that is not for any of us to know or decide. What I do know is that it helps so much to know that we have a family here, each of whom cares and understands how much our dogs matter. Each of whom knows how much it hurts when they are no longer by our sides. And each of whom will do their best to support us when we need help.

So in honor and memory of all those who passed on during this past year, I salute you and I salute our family. I hope the new year will bring solace and comfort to us all!

Marianne

[lulusmom]

Amen, Marianne and Happy New Year everyone.

[molly muffin]

You said it best for all of us Marianne.

Happy New Year to all.
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

Beautiful words here that are spoken from the heart. They are not ours to keep but to be loved and cherished and then set free. We honor all we have lost and always remember.

Thank you for all the beautiful words that we can clutch to our hearts.

[labblab]

Is it possible that another holiday season is almost upon us??? Once again, I am "bumping up" this thread so that it will be here in case anyone wants to pause and add a note during these coming days and weeks. We will all be "Home for the Holidays" right here.

Hugs to all,
Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

Thank you Marianne for bumping this thread up. :) Several of us may need a little help dealing with the holiday season without our fur babies. :o

Kathy

[gatorgirl_bama]

Oh Kathy you are so right about that. I'm already dreading these holidays because that's when Tia got sick. I'm sure to be here many times for my virtual hugs.

Donna

[labblab]

And we'll be here to pass hugs all around the circle -- from one to the next to the next, until they come right back to the beginning. All our family together here, standing shoulder-to-shoulder and heart-to-heart!

Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

I'm off this week for Thanksgiving break and Buddy should be here. It's makes me sad that he will never be again. :o:(

[labblab]

Our thoughts are filled with memories on every holiday throughout the years, but I think the "firsts" are especially rough. At least, they have been for me. There is no chance yet to try to create a new normal. It all just feels totally abnormal. :o

Shooting some of those big hugs your way, Kathy.

[addy]

anticipation of "lasts" is hard as well.:(:(:(

pretty much sucks the holiday spirit right out of me at times:rolleyes:

[Budsters Mom]

So true Addy! :o thinking of you and your precious girl. (((Hugs))))

[apollo6]

Thank you for this thread. I remember my Apollo would get so excited not only would he open his presents,but want to open everyone else's too. One year when my niece was about two, Apollo started opening up her present because she wasn't fast enough. Being the regal king that he was,he thought all the presents were for him:)
Miss my baby every day.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[labblab]

OK kids, another November is here and another holiday season approaches. Wowsa, how can the days fly by? On the other hand, how can the hardest days seem to drag on forever...:o

Anyway, I thought I'd bump up this thread once again. Just in case anybody wants to drop by to share some smiles, tears, thoughts, memories, dreams, wishes, hopes and sorrows. I know for me, the holidays are made up of all those things, including some of my tenderest feelings and greatest longings for loved ones who are physically absent.

Anybody who knows me here knows I like to yak! It brings me comfort to talk and to write. I surely understand it is not the same for everybody. But for anyone else who also finds solace in adding a note here or sharing a group hug, please know you are welcome no matter what is on your mind or in your heart. Good or bad, happy or sad. This is a place we can come all through the holidays, knowing our K9C family understands things that perhaps our other friends and family do not. Like how much it matters that things are forever changed by the absence of a sweet warm body and a dear face at the table, at the party, in the kitchen, at the fireplace, at the window, at the door, by the tree, in your lap, beside your chair, just being loved.

Starting things off with a giant bear hug from me, in honor of my Barkis and the joy he always brought us at the holidays. He was a December baby, as was my dad. Both will always be so special to me in the heart of my holiday memories.
Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

Last year sucked with regard to the holidays.:o I was down for the count with Whooping Cough the entire months of December and January. I could barely function, so celebrating the holidays did not happen. That wasn't even the worst part. Previously, whenever I felt poorly, Buddy never left my side. Him not being there with me was worse than being sick by far. I am hoping for a healthier holiday season. I have hand sanitizer all over the classroom. Hopefully the germ magnets will get the hint. ;)

[labblab]

Boy, I remember your Whooping Cough as though it was yesterday. What a nightmare!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

It would be nice if you could issue surgical masks to the germ bombs along with the hand sanitizer...:cool: :rolleyes:

But yeah, the cough involved physical pain while Buddy's absence was deep emotional pain. Your first holiday season without him would have been so hard, regardless. You layer on the cough, and it became a double, triple, quadruple whammy. :o :(

I know you will still be missing Buddy terribly this year, as well as all your rituals together. But hopefully you will have your physical health intact so that you can participate in some outward celebration. Inwardly, you will still ache at times -- probably often. But sometimes when I think I am only going through the motions, I discover I actually have more fun than I thought would be possible. I hope the same may end up being true for you, and that some new memories can be made with Rosie to store in your heart alongside those precious times shared with your baby boy.

In that vein, I can think of no better way to describe the holidays than bittersweet. Such a double-edged sword, in so many ways.

[addy]

I do not think I could handle putting up Zoe's tree. Actually, I know I cant do it. I had hoped we could go away for Christmas with Koko but now I have this never ending cough and hubby has a medical procedure coming up mid December so we cant get away.

I thought really hard about maybe putting up Zoe's tree but decorating it with my antique ornaments rather than her beautiful birds. Then I realized I would have to lock Koko up in the kitchen again as I would be too worried leaving him home alone with a tree filled with glass ornaments.

So now I guess I will just stop planning anything, live in the moment and go with the flow, whatever I do.

I am so dreading Thanksgiving without Zoe barking at the table and being so excited. I try to banish the thoughts from my mind and just not think about it. Sort of going through the motions without too much thinking involved.

Firsts are hard.

[labblab]

So now I guess I will just stop planning anything, live in the moment and go with the flow, whatever I do.

I am so dreading Thanksgiving without Zoe barking at the table and being so excited. I try to banish the thoughts from my mind and just not think about it. Sort of going through the motions without too much thinking involved.

Firsts are hard.
I think going with the flow is an excellent strategy. As well as not dwelling on the painful thoughts. They will come up on their own, but the trick is to release them on their own, too. At least, for me, that is the trick. Not to latch onto the thought and the pain and hold on and hold on and hold on. Like endlessly rubbing a sore in your mouth with your tongue.

There is a phrase my husband and I both use in relation to playing instruments (for me it is keyboard, for him it is stringed instruments). The phrase is "muscle memory." It always seems like a bit of a miracle to me when I memorize a song and can play it effortlessly without the music. But we call that "muscle memory" -- when the notes become physically encoded in some way and our fingers just know automatically what to do. The truly odd thing is that when I use my brain again and start thinking about what I'm playing, the whole thing usually falls apart. The brain consciousness overrides the physical consciousness and short-circuits everything.

I am really good at letting my brain short-circuit things.

So I will project my own self onto you, and tell you that I think going with the flow is an excellent idea. Let your body and your heart lead you through the holidays. Who knows, you may end up heading off in a surprising direction by trying something new or by repeating something old that still ends up feeling comfortable after all.

Carpe diem. Savor the moment. Isn't that what our puppies lived by? Of all the life lessons they could teach us, I sure hope I can grasp that one before it is too late.

And absolutely, firsts are d**n hard.

Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

Right back at you with the hugs Marianne. Your sweet December baby brought us the gift of you. Thank you Barkis for sharing your mom with us. :p

Yes, The last holiday season was my first without Buddy. I did not want to do it without him. My heart was not in it. I wanted to skip it altogether and just start up in January. As it turned out, I ended up too sick to do much of anything. Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it.;)


Starting things off with a giant bear hug from me, in honor of my Barkis and the joy he always brought us at the holidays. He was a December baby, as was my dad.

[labblab]

Oh Kathy, I am LOVIN' Buddy's Christmas avatar!! :) :)

[mypuppy]

Oh Marianne,

The title of this thread could not be more appropriate. Ever since we released our sweet girl, the silence is unbearable. This will be our 2nd holiday season without our girl. But last one was the hardest. I have been missing from the forum for quite sometime now, and I just could not find the right time or words or even the time to open up. But it has been long overdue, and I am in a better place to let it all out.
In November, 2013 I was dx with invasive breast cancer (almost a year now). I couldnt bear to tell my girls the horrible news and risk spoiling the little magic we still managed to carry in us that Christmas, specially after just losing our Princess, so I decided to wait to tell them until after the holidays.
I underwent a bilateral mastecomy in January, 2014, chemotherapy from February through April and 33 daily rounds of radiation from May through July. I never thought I would pull through such emotional and physical pain, for this has been by far, one of the longest and trying journeys I have ever been dealt. I never questioned the "why me" as much as just the "why". Many times I thought to myself well yeah "why not me". If this is where I was meant to be, there must be a higher and bigger purpose for all of it, and time will tell what that is. For now, I am going strong again, getting my energy back, and just truly grateful for every single day--goodness, Im aliveee! We must rejoice in that and i am focused on each precious day, and less focus on the dark side of my journey. I think the only one thing that sticks out for me is the fact that I had to lose my girl 2 months prior to my starting my journey. That "why" I will always question. Why did she have to walk out of my life when life seemed to be walking out on me? Why, then when I needed her the most? Oh sweet Princess, I always wonder if this ride could have been more bearable with you at my side every step of the way? But I guess it just wasn't meant that way.
My dear family, I am so relieved to finally come here with courage to tell my story, because you are all still so dear to my heart and always will be, and nothing can ever change what a special place in my heart you all occupy. I love and have missed every single one of you and your furbabies, and I am sorry for my long absence.

And I am sending all some very tight hugs for old times sake.
XO Jeanette

[mypuppy]

Ps: i also wanted to wish my sweet girl an early 12th birthday on November 21st. I pray you are soo at peace and happiest again. I miss your big smile the most. :-)

[molly muffin]

Jeanette! You sweet, sweet lady. I'm so glad you felt like you are finally in a place where you could share what you have been going through. Sweetie, you know we are Always here for you. Through thick and thin, the journey goes on.
I so wish that Princess could have been there with you to give you physical comfort, but I am sure that she was watching out for you.

This year you have something special to celebrate during the holidays, survival. That is pretty powerful magic by itself.

We have missed you and hopefully you will come back and let us know how you are as we are worry wart aunts you know. :)

Big hugs and a Happy Birthday for the lovely Princess. Always cherished, never forgotten.

hugs

[molly muffin]

Kathy, I too think Buddy's avatar is just adorable! His personality just shines through. Such a sweet baby. I know that no christmas holidays will Ever be the same as it was when he was with you.

hugs

[Budsters Mom]

Thank you ladies. Buddy was such a go with the flow kind of dude. He let me do whatever I wanted and was a great sport about it. Rosie on the other hand, is a not in this lifetime kind of gal. She's more likely to tell me to wear it first, then she'll think about, if it doesn't look too stupid. Lol :D:D:D She isn't going to do anything just to make me happy. The girl has standards.;)

[labblab]

Omigosh, my dear Jeanette!!! I can't tell you how it warms my heart to see you here. And double, tripley so after hearing what this past year has held for you. I don't know if you know this, but our Janis ("Altira") has walked a similar path with breast cancer during this year. So truly, you are sister survivors and as Kathy says, holiday magic.

Of course we will join you in wishing sweet Princess a Happy Birthday. Our special girls, both of you.

I do understand why you have been away, but I am ever so grateful that you've returned to us. Nobody gives tight hugs quite like you do, Jeanette. Nobody!!! I've been missing them and feel such warmth and joy this evening upon your return to us.

With much love, always! :) :)
Marianne

[Spiceysmum]

Dear Jeanette,
You are the bravest person I have ever had the pleasure to meet and even though I have shared this journey with you I have sometimes wondered how on earth you have found the strength to get through each day, I'm sure you have wondered the same thing! You are an inspiration to your family and friends and everyone is so thankful that you have been so strong this past year and are coming out on the other side of it the same cheerful, loving and giving Jeanette we all know and love. I wish Princess could have been with you through your journey but I know she will have been looking down on you and willing you to get better. She will always be with you.
Happy 12th Birthday for Friday Princess and keep watching over your Mom. 🐶💝💐
Love always, Linda 👸x

[Bailey's Mom]

Thank you for this thread. I am sorry I did not see it last year.

Jeanette, peace to you. I know/have known much too many who have had to walk your road. My own Mom died from cancer the day she turned 64. I am so sorry for what you have had to bear. I know how that made it extra hard that Princess was not with you.

I am remembering Peaches and Palmer. In my 30's, we lost all four of our parents, at separate times, and we lost Peaches. Palmer was just 3 years ago. It's incredible how the waves of sorrow can surprise me still. We let them into the deepest parts of our hearts and their absence is difficult to bear.

I wish all a very happy Thanksgiving. I'll be around, if you need a hug.

-Susan

[labblab]

Awww, Linda and Susan, it's so good to have you join us, too!

And Jeanette, you were the last person on my mind last night and the first one I'm thinking about this morning. I'm starting up the coffee and can't help but think about those holiday Folger's coffee commercials here in the U.S. -- where it's Christmas morning and a special loved one has come from a distance and slipped in the house and put on the coffee and everybody wakes up to the thrill of reunion. Well, that's how I feel about seeing you pop up here! :) :) :) :D

It feels like a holiday morning!!! Hey, Everybody, wake up 'cause Jeanette's home!!! ;) :p

[Squirt's Mom]

Jeanette! So glad you finally feel strong and free enough to share with your whole family here! WOOHOO! You're BAAACK! :cool::cool::cool::cool::cool:

[addy]

Dearest Sweet Jeanette-

I have thought and worried about you often, so when I saw your post here, my heart skipped a beat.

You are here, you are alive, and as Marianne send, you came home for the holidays and oh, dear Jeanette, thank you so much for the tight hugs that only you can give.

Your courage is an inspiration to us all.

[Altira]

About a week after I was diagnosed with breast cancer I dashed to Cindys side for comfort and support. Then this girl called Arelis ( pronounced a-rel-is was writing me about breast cancer. I had no idea who she was. I did not even read her emails. Then Cindy said... You really should read arelis's emails. Well I complained I don't even know who she is! Cindy wrote back - yes you do... Arelis is Jeanette! OMG! Of coarse I know Jeanette! After that the two of us have spent hours cying on each other's shoulder and compairing notes . I cant tell you how thrilled I am she finally told you!
Sorry Arelis I guess now they know you name now too. (Sheepish smile).

[labblab]

Oh Janis, here you are joining us, too!! Welcome in, girl!!! :) :) :). And with what a story to tell :p. OK both you gals, you now gotta tell Cindy to catch a car, bus, train, plane or whatever to come knockin' on our front door, too. We need Cindy home for the holidays. Tell her we've got a place all set at the table and she needs to get her butt over here pronto! ;) :D

[mypuppy]

Oh dear family,

You can't begin to know how heartwarming it is to be back and read all your cheerful, comforting and loving wishes. I have missed every one of you. Each day, I am reminded in the midst of uncertainty, pain and turmoil, what many great Blessings I still have in my life. You are all my treasured Blessings. I Praise God for treasured Blessings.

I love you all heart & soul.

XO

Ps: Marianne, I just love your mind at work. That comparison to the folgers commercial made me LOL and cheered me up so much I had to go put on a pot. You are the best!

[Squirt's Mom]

Janis! I am so glad you two got together during this most trying time in your lives. We can love you both, sympathize with your plights, worry about you...but only those who have walked your shoes can truly relate and I am so so happy you found each other!

How is Cindy?! I wrote and wrote to her but never got a reply and was worried.

[Altira]

Forgive me Cindy... but anyone who knows me knows I am terrible at keeping secrets.
Cindy has the cutest dog ever called Bailey. And a sign in her room that says "Who rescued who?" Sheepish smile.

[labblab]

Awww Janis, you don't have to worry cuz we already knew about Bailey -- Cindy was in the middle of new doggie training "challenges" when last we heard from her :eek: :p. So it's great to get this update and to find out what a cutie she is! ;)

[Robert]

Can't believe this Xmas will be the second without Boof (tommy)

[labblab]

Hi Robert! I can't believe it has already been this long without Tommy, either. I often say the "firsts" are so hard. And they are. But that doesn't mean there isn't pain with the second and the third and the fourth and the tenth and twentieth... It may not be quite as raw, but the absence forever aches and pulls our hearts backwards to earlier times and precious days when things were oh so very different. :o

Marianne

[Robert]

Well said Marianne. Guess the difference now is can remember good stuff along with the bad. He was such a sweet gentle soul....and still is

[labblab]

I think that is so true -- the good memories definitely soothe the sharpness of the pain. But this will be my tenth holiday season without my Barkis and in a strange way it is starting to hurt in a different way. I feel like I am drawing farther and farther away in time from our celebrations together and it is like I am losing some piece of the thread of connection. The raw pain early on was so hard, but it bound me to him with such a strength even in his absence. Is it totally crazy to say it makes me sad that the pain is no longer so intense?????

[Robert]

Not at all Marianne. I feel a bit bad because I tend to think of tommy more than Tammy. I miss them both badly but tommy went 12 months after tAm and while tam was a real character tommy was just such a beautiful soul. Everyone remembers and grieves in their own way and that way is right for that person.

[labblab]

Well, Thanksgiving 2014 is now a memory, too. We had a good holiday, taking the girls on the road with us to visit family. Whenever we load up like that, though, I always think of Barkis. He absolutely loved to ride in the car (his car, The Barkmobile ;)) to ride anywhere. Even if it was just to go get gas, he raced to jump in for the ride. "Me too, me too, me too!!!" I wished he was along with us for this ride...for every ride.

So now we turn to the December holidays. I'm way behind in my decorating, and maybe I just won't push myself as hard this year. For sure we will put up our Christmas tree, though, with all the picture ornaments for every beloved pet who's ever shared our lives. Even though there is sadness in their absence, I love seeing their sweet faces on the tree.

OK, everybody, just remember the door is always wide open here if anybody wants to stop by to talk or to remember during these December days.

[addy]

We are not putting up Zoe's remembrance tree. Even if I could stand it and I cant, I don't want to start locking Koko up in the kitchen or instead worry about him alone the the tree and the birds.

I have not purchased one single present and think I am in major denial over the upcoming holiday.

Mom has taken a turn for the worse since last Sunday. She did so well Thanksgiving and my thoughts now turn back to Zoe and her decline after last Thanksgiving and I keep wondering if Mom has the ability to bounce back one more time or if she will follow Zoe.

I know I should not compare the two but I do.:(:(:(

Thanks for listening.

[labblab]

Oh Addy, I am so sorry about your mom. I wouldn't be able to help comparing the two situations, either. I was really grateful that my mom could go on our Thanksgiving trip with us. I don't think she will be traveling again. She has a lot of discomfort when forced to sit in one position for very long, and now it is finally hampering her general mobility. I know she is failing pretty rapidly now, especially in terms of her heart. I know I should try to prepare myself for what will come, but I just can't go there in my mind. But with every holiday now, I keep thinking "will this be the last one?"

I wish I could find a way to turn my brain off and live in the moment like our doggies do.

Thanks for listening to me, too, Addy.

[addy]

Me too, Marianne, wish I could consistently stay in the moment. I was just reading a blog. The author basically was saying that is ok for traditions to change as our lives change. For some reason I took great comfort in that statement.

I am doing the same thing with my Mom. I was so grateful for the wonderful Thanksgiving we had together.

One day at a time.

Hugs and love.

[labblab]

Oh, I take comfort in that, too, Addy -- about allowing traditions to shift. In a crazy way, I think I've already been tinkering with some small things this year kinda for the sake of practicing. Figuring that if I can get used to making some small changes now, maybe it'll help me cope when those big ones hit. Probably not, but at least it's a strategy :o. And my big wreath and a bunch of decorations were looking pretty ratty anyway and were due for a change (or were long overdue per hubby...:rolleyes:).

[Budsters Mom]

Major holiday depression again this year. :o Holidays are never easy for me, but Buddy somehow made them bearable and sometimes even okay. Without him here, they suck!

OMG! I'm the grinch! :eek:

[labblab]

No Kathy, Cushing's is the grinch! :(

But I'll bet pansywag's Pansy Lou Who is flicking her paw at the grinch at this very moment, and leading Buddy and Barkis and Zoe and everybody else in a merry chase at the Bridge. :o

[Squirt's Mom]

I've tried to post here for some time and end up leaving. Everything is so raw for me. It's almost like the first holiday season after Gia died all over again. She is gone, my dad is gone, a dear friend is gone, too many babies have had to leave this year, my mom is gone, and now Squirt is gone. I am really struggling this year.

Last year anticipatory grief kept me from doing anything that wasn't mandated. I didn't decorate, cook, go anywhere other than my brother's...and if it hadn't been for my grandson, I wouldn't have gone to their house. This year, Squirt wants the house decorated again- she missed it last year and I didn't realize until it was too late so she asked that I do it this year....and I am. With tears, sobs, and shaking hands, I am. I keep turning around expecting to see her sitting behind me, eyes shining, face grinning, waiting for the packages she can check out.

In the process of decorating I am also pulling out Christmas things to pass on to my nieces that I had put back for Gia. I have already started passing on other things to them that were to have been Gia's - jewelry for the most part so far. But I have china, crystal, linens, etc. that were to be hers that I am getting ready to give the girls. They are moving to So. Carolina soon and will be setting up their own apt. Seeing those dishes so loving handed down in my family that should have graced Gia's Christmas dinners rips me wide open. I know the girls will treasure these things and honor the memories they carry....but they were supposed to be Gia's. Every time I pass something to one of the girls, it's like losing another little piece of her.

[labblab]

Oh Leslie, tears are falling here right alongside yours.

Will you be able to put up your Glass Tree this year, or will that feel too hard? Your story about your tree earlier on this thread touched me as deeply as any Christmas story I have ever been told. I will carry that story along with me for the rest of my own life, too, and I will think of it and you and Gia with every special glass ornament I ever see.

For Gia. Always in loving memory of your precious baby girl.

[addy]

Dearest Leslie- I don't even know what to say to try to comfort you,just BIG HUGS and lots of love and understanding being sent your way.

Squirt sent you a message that she wants Christmas, then go for it!
I wish Zoe would speak to me but she has remained silent.:(

Marianne- Christmas is wherever family is. The year hubby bought all of Zoe's birds was a new tradition for us and we had so much fun that year, even with Zoe so sick, it helped us cope.


Kathy- wouldn't it be nice if we could take the puppies and go away for Christmas? I so wanted to do that this year. Now with hubby's procedure right before Christmas and Mom having problems, it is not going to happen for sure now. I have even been measuring Koko and researching flight bags for him. I think he may be a few pounds to heavy for one bag I found. I am still keeping the faith though that one day Koko and I will fly away.:)

Hugs to you all.

[labblab]

Awww Addy, I'll be watching for the day when Koko's thread title changes to "Traveling Dog Around the World." Just keep right on searching for that perfect travel bag!!! ;)

[Budsters Mom]

Take me with you Addy!I have the perfect size bag for Koko Puff.;):D

[labblab]

Hey Addy, I loved reading just now about your blue outdoor reindeer. They sound so pretty and fun! :) :)

Just wanted to add that if you happen to go off on a tangent and decide you do want a decorated "thing" indoors (a new tree or even something else like a domesticated reindeer ;)), you can keep from having to block off Koko by putting the something inside a pen rather than vice versa. Barkis never, ever bothered anything on our tree. But the girls will be all over it in a second. So at Christmas-time, we set up their wire fence around the tree with them on the outside looking in. Everybody always gets a kick out of the fact our Christmas tree is inside a dog-pen...but it works!

[Budsters Mom]

Yes, barricading the tree works well.:D;) I did it last year to keep monkey girl away. Buddy never bothered with it. He had too much else to do. I haven't penned it this year, yet. Rosie has been stalking it though, so we'll see how it goes. I can't trust the monkey.:eek:

I did not feel like dealing with the tree either Addy. We did cuz my folks like it. They are both in their 80's and declining fast, so who knows how many more Christmases we'll have together.

[labblab]

It's a bright sunny day with a warm southern breeze for a change. I have so much I should be doing and could be doing on such a pretty day. Just feeling down in the dumps, though, and missing my human friends that have been lost to me this year. I think it was the Christmas card list. Seeing their names on the list, but nothing to be done for them this year. I do not want to cross them out. But there is no little check mark to be made, either. Extra cards left over with no destination. I miss my friends so much.

[Squirt's Mom]

(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sure your dear friends are reading those cards over your shoulder and know which one is theirs, whether there is a stamped envelop in the mail or not. ;)

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((Hugs)))))))Yes, it really hurts when our loved ones are no longer with us, particularly around the holidays.:o

[molly muffin]

The tree has been up for a week and I am very much not interested in doing the decorations on it, however, but since hubby is gone till mid week, I have decided to do it, with the help of one or more bottles of wine.

I have no excuse why I am so uninterested in christmas this year. I always loved it before. But I haven't put any decorations up outside, I haven't put any up inside either, except for the lonely tree.

Maybe because I'm working nonstop it feels like. Even 1/2 day on christmas and new years eve. Hubby won't be here for the office christmas party, our last year ad the company will no longer pay for it and he has never missed it in over 20 years. Both of our go south vacations have been cancelled, due to either my BIL's injury or other factors. We might try for February but no guarantees.

And I am feeling awful for my sister who is also lonely and depressed with her husband now in a care facility on bed rest till they decide what to do next.

yea, see I read this and think gawd, this is so not how I usually am. :( I hate it and everything I try to pick myself up out of the doldrums doesn't seem to be working.

When I think of what so many are going through, the loss of friends and family, precious furpups, that just makes me sadder.

[labblab]

This is so definitely not you, Sharlene, and just goes to show how much stress you've been under. That is so crappy that hubs won't be home for the party, although I guess he'd not be allowed to be a dancin' machine this year, regardless :o.

When it comes to the holidays, it just seems like it is so hard to escape expectations and comparisons. It is so hard to let each day just unfold, for better or worse. Or at least it's hard for me to do that. Even though this weekend sure won't win any awards for best holiday weekend ever, I hope you will still have some moments of fun thrown in, regardless. And same for me, and same for everybody else!

[addy]

It doesn't have to be the holiday in the movies or in the books or like holidays past. It is ok for it to be just a so so kind of holiday, not super, say like a Currier and Ives kind of holiday with some Hallmark channel thrown in for good measure.

And presents come in different packages, not necessarily found under the tree.

Today I was driving home very carefully, as my brain is not really great right now:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: when a thought occurred to me. A thought I had never had before. I had been telling a co worker about Zoe's story- how she knew this house and started crying as we drove up the street,jumping up with her front paws on the dash board as we turned down the lane. She knew this was home, it was like she had been here before.

When hubby and I first came to this house,I had that same feeling. We drove up the street and I knew I had been here before. We peered into the dining room windows and I told hubby "I know this house, I have been here before."

Then today driving home, I realized for the first time that the two events connected. That both Zoe and I knew this house and knew it was home. My heart soared with happiness as I felt my love for Zoe, that deep,unending love, that knew no boundary, no limits, was real and meant to happen.

I felt it was the greatest present I could have ever received. And I gave it to myself.

Must have been that bump on the head:):):)

Thanks for listening.

[Budsters Mom]

presents come in different packages, not necessarily found under the tree.

I totally agree! :) Thank you for sharing your awesome gift.:p Now take care of yourself girl!:eek: xxxooo

[Budsters Mom]

Yes Sharlene, not like you at all.:o I usually live vicariously through you.;) You are overwhelmed with life right now my dear. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself to get everything done. The holidays will come regardless, so try to let them unfold naturally. Maybe by the second bottle of wine, you'll begin to see ornaments on the tree and you won't have to do anything. Lol :D:D:D

[jma1154]

Amen to that they are hard indeed. I still haven't decorated for any holiday, I just don't feel in the mood to do so. I miss my Caseybug, I miss her smile and her bright eyes, that tail that would knock the tree over if it got going too close to it. Most of all I miss her love, it is the love of a lifetime and still carries me through each day thinking of how muched she loved me. And when I need more I come to see my family here at the forum and I read a few entries and light candle and mourn with those that have come for the same reasons and reminisce about better times. Thank you to you all and happy holidays. Jill

[labblab]

Oh Jill, welcome to our holiday table! Some seats are empty, never to be physically filled again. But on this Christmas Eve, let us still set all the places ever so carefully with our memories and our love. And in this way, our precious ones remain always honored. It is not the same as before, and therein lies the pain. But it remains a holiday, nevertheless, because we do remember them with love. And we know what an incredible gift it was to spend time on this earth together.

[labblab]

For all who wish to join in, let's each light a candle and fill our family's page with honor, love and remembrance:

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=K9C

~ Always in Loving Memory ~

[addy]

Marianne- I was sorry to hear you and your mom were both sick for Christmas. I hope you are both feeling better now. The New Year is quickly approaching and my wish is for your family to start it off healthy and bright:)

For all of us- I hope the New Year brings us happiness and peace.

I had a horrible nightmare about Zoe right before Christmas. I just remember that I was sobbing uncontrollably in my dream, harder than the night she died. Not sure what that was about. Hopefully that wont happen ever again.:eek::eek::eek::(:(:(:(

Anyway- our holiday thread will soon be coming to a close for another year and I know we were all grateful to be able to come here to talk.

Thanks, Marianne- for making sure of that for all of us:)

[molly muffin]

Oh Addy. So sorry you had a bad. Isn't are about Zoe. Sometimes things just creep out when least expected. The flip side is that joy and happiness too can creep in when you least expect it.
The new year is coming and I hope for all of us here that when we least expect it a smile will cross your lips, a twinkle will shine in your eye and a laugh will bubble from your heart.

Good health and joy in all our lives.

Hugs to all

[labblab]

Oh Addy, I'm so sorry about your nightmare, too. But hopefully it was just some sort of demon that had to be let out once and now will never return!

Thanks also for your kind words about this thread. It is a big help to me to be able to talk here through the holidays, and I always hope it may be a help to others, too. This Christmas did not turn out the way I had planned, that's for sure. The good part is that I had actually gotten most everything done early because I was planning to savor some special time with my mom -- having her here at the house beforehand to enjoy some little rituals of baking and decorating, etc. Each year now, I can't help but think that this may be the last one we have together. So I had really big plans to make it special. But when will I learn that expectations are just SOOOOO dangerous...

Things didn't turn out that way after we both got sick, and she hasn't yet made it over here to the house at all. We did our best on Christmas Day at her apartment, but it was not what I had planned or hoped for, that's for sure. I kept thinking about what you'd said about going with the flow, and I did my best with that. But I would be lying if I said I was not disappointed. And I'm still feeling pretty low. Just really feeling all the losses of the year kind of piling on, and wondering to myself what next Christmas will be like.

Somehow, New Year's has never been my favorite, ever. Once again, probably because of expectations. It's supposed to be such a dressy, fancy, bright and shiny night and I usually just want to cocoon and stay off the road away from all the crazy drivers! But maybe since my expectations are so low already, this New Year's will turn out to be a good one :rolleyes:. Hopefully my mom and I will both be feeling better, and maybe hubby and I will venture out for some fun, regardless.

Above and beyond anything else, I will surely join in the well wishes for all our family here -- may 2015 bring some much-needed and much-appreciated health and joy for all!!!! And as Sharlene says, may it bring some unexpected treasures just when we each need them the most.

[addy]

Marianne- are you sure you don't have fluid in your ear? Whenever my ears hurt for an extended period of time it is from fluid in my ears. 10 days is a long time to be sick. Though I did cough for 4 months from allergies. But I did not feel sick.

We have not been out for NYE since the year Koko and Zoe ate Koko's pad in his belly band:rolleyes: I think that was 2008.:o

I always wanted to do one of those hotel parties with food and music and dancing. My bucket list has attending the Vienna Ball so I can wear a white long dress with a red sash:):) Never going to happen!!!!!

I don't blame you for not wanting to be out on the roads, we feel the same way.

Feel better soon.

[labblab]

I think I probably do have fluid in my ear. But I don't have a fever and it doesn't hurt, so from what I read online there probably isn't much to be done about it other than wait it out -- which apparently can take quite awhile. :(

I hate to go to the doctor right now and expose myself to all the other horrible bugs that are out there :eek:. But if I'm still ailing after New Year's, I will probably have to bite the bullet and go in.

My New Year's fantasy is to be like Nick and Nora from "The Thin Man" and to take my dog into a fancy NYC nightclub and drink martinis and dance the night away to the Big Band, looking just as sleek and svelte as Myrna Loy, without a care in the world. :o

[Budsters Mom]

Marianne,

I have one ear that's always filling up with fluid. Have you tried popping your blocked ear to clear your eustachian tube? Most of the time this does work, but only clears it temporarily. It usually fills up with fluid quickly again. You can do that several times a day safely.

You hold your nostrils closed, then blow like you do to when you blow nose. Since the air cannot come out your nose, it is forced through your ears, thus clearing your tubes. Chewing gum also helps open up your ears allowing your tubes to drain.

If either ear starts hurting or is painful when you pop it, you need to see a doctor because you probably have an infection and need antibiotics.

I hope you feel better soon.

[addy]

Wait, I'm still on Nick and Nora
I have to google that:D

[Squirt's Mom]

Like others, some of my family got sick so we had our gathering with the boys at my house today. And with this, the Season comes to an end for me today. The boys had a good time and seemed to enjoy their gifts!

In years past, I would call my mom after going home Christmas Eve and several times caught her crying. I didn't understand why. Now I do. All the effort and work and thought she put into just those few hours and when it was all said and done, her kids weren't there. What she wanted most of all was our time but we always had other places to be. There is such an empty feeling when the gifts under the tree are gone, left-overs to put away, and all those you love most are not at your side. For all the frenzy, something should change yet when the dust settles, our lives are as they were before the storm.

[labblab]

Addy, here's Myrna Loy (Nora), William Powell (Nick) and Asta their dog (who always got to go with them everywhere, including the Waldorf). :)

http://pre-code.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Annex-Powell-William-After-the-Thin-Man_01.jpg

Kathy, I think my ear is actually a little better, in which I rejoiced for two hours before sprouting flashing lights in the corner of one eye :( :(. So I will be calling the eye doctor first thing in the a.m. to evaluate. Wonder who will be "on call" during the holiday week --probably Doogie Howser...:rolleyes:

I hope alcohol is not a no-no with a retina problem, because I am fixing to mix that martini right now, with or without Nick and Nora!

And turning to what you wrote, Leslie, it is so very poignant and so very true for me, too. Even when the holiday itself has been glorious as in years past for me, there is such a quiet and a void and yes, an ache, when it is all over and done with. If only our pain was as fleeting as our joy sometimes seems to be.

[Budsters Mom]

Yo Marianne!!!!

Yes, PUT THAT MARTINI DOWN!!! Whose the mother now??? We kid on the forum about having a drink. If the truth be told, I do not drink and have not for more than 20 years. This is due to the same reasons below. Not good to drink when you suffer from chronic migraines or have eye issues due to a possible detached retina.

"* Avoid alcohol, coffee and excess salt, because they constrict blood vessels; alcohol also consumes surplus oxygen from the blood, so making the vision blurred. Also avoid yeast products as these cause fatigue due to gut fermentation which produces alcohol."


Kathy, I think my ear is actually a little better, in which I rejoiced for two hours before sprouting flashing lights in the corner of one eye :( :(. So I will be calling the eye doctor first thing in the a.m. to evaluate. Wonder who will be "on call" during the holiday week --probably Doogie Howser...:rolleyes:

I hope alcohol is not a no-no with a retina problem.

When I ended up in urgent care last year with whooping cough the day after Christmas, I Was seen by the Chief of Staff. He was a very nice Jewish doctor who didn't celebrate Christmas. That's always a possibility. But of course, there will be many little Doogie's running around too. ;):D

Seriously, no more alcohol until you see the doctor, please!

[labblab]

Well, our holiday season is truly coming to an end now. Thanks so much to all who stopped by to support one another here this year. This is what our family does best -- we watch out for one another both in times of joy and sorrow. I think that is one of the very best holiday gifts that can ever be given.

May 2015 bring peace and comfort to all who are suffering, and also special -- perhaps even unexpected -- moments of hope and joy to us all!

Best wishes,
Marianne

[molly muffin]

Happy new year everyone. Peace and joy to all.

Hugs

[Spiceysmum]

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope that 2015 is filled with health and happiness for us all.
Love, Linda x

[addy]

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!!

I know we will all find joy and special moments no matter what life throws at us.

Thank you all for being well-----you:):):):)

WELCOME 2015!!!!!!

[spdd]

Happy New Year to all of you too.... please read my thread.

[Spencersmom]

Happy New Year everyone!
I hope you all are blessed in the coming year! This past year was tough for so many, I pray 2015 is much better for everyone!

{{hugs}}

[Shelby01]

This is so beautiful - thank you. I just lost my Wrangell in November to lymph node cancer. It has been unbearable. In addition, I just discovered my girl Shelby has cushings, which lead me to this site.

[labblab]

Oh, you are so welcome. And welcome to our forum and to our family! I am so sorry about your loss of Wrangell, and also sorry to hear that you are now dealing with issues with Shelby. But we are here to support you as much as we can, in all ways. If it would be a comfort to you, please do feel free to open a thread in honor of Wrangell here on our "In Loving Memory" forum. We have many beloved honorary Cushpups who can be found here. :o

Also, we'll be anxious to see you start a thread for Shelby on our main "Questions and Discussion" forum. I can't wait to meet her! :)

And I want to mention to everybody that of course there are far more holidays in the year besides those we have just now celebrated. And some that are especially poignant when it comes to our furbabies, like Mother's Day and Father's Day. So please, anybody and everybody, do feel free to continue posting to this thread at any time throughout the year. The door is always open!

Marianne

[labblab]

How is it possible that another year has flown by? But here we are, poised to enter another holiday season. So once again, the door to our "Holiday House" here swings wide open. Just as I wrote last year, all will be welcome, and all our loved ones will be honored. Always.


OK kids, another November is here and another holiday season approaches. Wowsa, how can the days fly by? On the other hand, how can the hardest days seem to drag on forever...:o

Anyway, I thought I'd bump up this thread once again. Just in case anybody wants to drop by to share some smiles, tears, thoughts, memories, dreams, wishes, hopes and sorrows. I know for me, the holidays are made up of all those things, including some of my tenderest feelings and greatest longings for loved ones who are physically absent.

Anybody who knows me here knows I like to yak! It brings me comfort to talk and to write. I surely understand it is not the same for everybody. But for anyone else who also finds solace in adding a note here or sharing a group hug, please know you are welcome no matter what is on your mind or in your heart. Good or bad, happy or sad. This is a place we can come all through the holidays, knowing our K9C family understands things that perhaps our other friends and family do not. Like how much it matters that things are forever changed by the absence of a sweet warm body and a dear face at the table, at the party, in the kitchen, at the fireplace, at the window, at the door, by the tree, in your lap, beside your chair, just being loved.

Starting things off with a giant bear hug from me, in honor of my Barkis and the joy he always brought us at the holidays. He was a December baby, as was my dad. Both will always be so special to me in the heart of my holiday memories.
Marianne

[Wally P's Mom]

Hello All:

It's been exactly one month since I last held my Fritz in my arms. Time seemed just to slow down but really flew by. As much as I don't want to do the Ho Ho Ho thing this year. It seems that it is something that has filled my time.

I have shopped, baked, written cards and letters, and decorated 4 trees. The first and last tree was the hardest. It was hard to start with the first and the last had all the ornaments to commerate each year we had with our pups. Every year we bought an ornament from Petco to celebrate our lives with them. Then came the Angel daschund ornaments. Needless to say tears were shed when I found the first years ornament and the Angel ornaments.

Fritz loved Christmas and Santa dog. He loved the tree going up and hated it coming down. He loved the cookies baking and the prime rib on Christmas Day. Somehow, he knew the meaning of Christmas and always gave us the best gift, his love.

Tonight, we are going to a hospice event to remember my dad. We submitted a picture of him on Santa's lap holding a toy rifle when he was a little boy. So PC incorrect. As they flash his picture and read his name, we will place an ornament on the hospice tree. It's been 11 months since he has passed and last Thanksgiving was the first and last of all the lasts. He passed away less than a month later.

Yes, this Christmas will be difficult and I have been told to do as much and as little as possible. Busy works and is working. I miss my Fritz and never realized how hard things would be after my dad passed.

I am trying to forget 2015 and move forward to 2016.

Can we just skip December?

Marge

[labblab]

Somehow, he knew the meaning of Christmas and always gave us the best gift, his love.
Marge, welcome to our K9C house! What a dear, sweet thing to write about Fritz and what a truth it is. You know, when I think about it, year-round that is the balance that our pets give to our lives. And that is why the scales just topple over when they are gone.

I can't help but smile at the thought of your dad's photo. Do you know that movie, "A Christmas Story," where young Ralphie is given his beloved Red Ryder BB rifle -- and the havoc that creates? When I was little, I was decidedly a tomboy myself, and I'll never forget that wonderful Christmas when I got my Annie Oakley outfit along with my holster and two shiny six-shooters. A very different era, that's for sure. :o

It seems to me that the memories are both the blessing and the curse of the holidays. The yin and the yang. I don't ever want to forget. But sometimes it just hurts so much to remember. Especially early on, it hurts so much to remember.

You are at that early stage, that's for sure, with such a combination and compounding of loss. It can be impossible to predict in advance which one of the family-honored traditions will help and which will end up hurting way too much. And then, of course, some things are totally new and different. Sometimes very good things; sometimes throwing us totally off-balance. I suspect the hospice event will be very hard in many ways, but I hope there may also be a bit of peace that comes from honoring your dad in this way. If you would care to tell us how things go, we would very much like to hear about it.

Marge, sending big hugs your way, and once again, welcome to our house here for the holidays.

Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

You most certainly can! I have a few times! ;) Do what's in your heart and let the rest go this year!

Hugs,
Kathy


Can we just skip December?

[Wally P's Mom]

Since you asked about the Lights of Love that we went to last night, I will share. Before I do, recall it has been only a month since Fritz had passed and 11 months since my dad had passed. Emotions were very raw yesterday. Especially reliving every last step that I took with Fritz.

The evening began with music and opening remarks. Everyone was given ornaments with an angel wing with their loved ones name on it plus an index card with their name to be read aloud. So my mom and I placed the ornaments on the tree with my dad's name read. (I wished I had a pen to add Fritz's name to the tag. But I think he knew I thought of him too.) Silent night was played and a poem was read. The tree was lit. The glow of the lights were very special. The fire department had their drum and bagpipes rose from the pit playing Amazing Grace. If Taps was hard to hear at the funeral, this was just as hard.

I think I cried through much of the program, but when I left and saw all the red eyes, I realized I hadn't been alone.

Since Fritz had passed, my chest has been very heavy. Last night, I didn't have that heaviness when I went to bed. Either it has been that my husband has been home and we have been gone or the healing has begun.

Marge

[labblab]

I hope it is because the healing has begun, Marge.

Thank you for telling us about your dad's ceremony. I could imagine it in my mind's eye, and even from my distance, it seemed very powerful and also very lovely.

Sending tons of hugs this day,
Marianne

[Wally P's Mom]

Just checking in, again.

Death has been a constant companion this past year. All the firsts with my dad's passing and now Fritz. Remembering that my husband lost his mom about 15-16 years ago about this time of year. The loss is hard. Tears have been shed quite a bit this week.

Joy has been difficult to find. I found some yesterday and it felt good. No guilt attached. Just pure joy. Without going into details, I brought some holiday cheer to a group of ladies. In return, this group of ladies gave me joy.

Going in this direction, could happiness be around the corner?

Thanks for reading. I just needed to share.

Marge

[Woodydog]

This will be my third holidays without Woody :( He passed so close to Christmas on the 19th December 2013, that when I came home without him the first thing I did was take down the tree and decorations, how could I celebrate without him there, I have not had a tree up or decorations since Woody left, they are still in the boxes and will probably stay there again this year. I am not a lover of Christmas but with Woody he made it bearable although I couldn,t put decorations on the bottom of the tree as he used to knock them off and play football with them, he was ever so naughty :D So I will get through Christmas day on auto pilot like I have done previous years, get up, go see mum and the family smile when I need to, nod in the right direction when all the time I will be thinking of Woody and what we should have been doing, we should've been snuggling on the sofa watching rubbish Christmas movies, long walks in the woods, eating too much but alas its not to be :)

[addy]

I thought the holidays would be really hard but Thanksgiving turned out pretty good, just different. I was ok with different as I did not cry so much missing Zoe. Now hubby has been down with count with his back, he cannot stand or walk for 2 weeks now.. We can't get in to see a specialist. I am really struggling now as this drags on and find myself really down and missing my girl who could always make me laugh. She healed his carpel tunnel by licking his wrist ever day.

I find myself just wanting to skip Christmas but Kate is coming home and I feel badly that I have nothing, no tree, no presents.

Thanks for letting me vent, things are so bad here, he can't take Vicodin for the pain, he had reaction, he should not tak NSAIDs as he already has increased chance of blood clots. The think it is spinal stenosis and the nerves are pressing together, badly inflamed.

I'm tired.

[labblab]

Aww Tracy, I apologize for the belated welcome to our house here. I'm very glad you've joined us, because nobody has to put on a brave holiday face in our house. You are welcomed however you are feeling. And missing loved ones is a feeling that we decidedly share.

Hubby and I are late getting our tree put up, and today is to be the day. But for almost the first time in my lifetime, I'll largely be decorating alone. Hubby loves the finished product, but doesn't much care for the part that I guess seems tedious to him -- unpacking all the ornaments one by one and picking their special spot on the tree. Of course, that's the part I have always loved. Even as old as I am (and no, I'm not going to confess exactly how old that is :eek:), it has usually always worked out that my mom or dad was with me to help. Until his death over a decade ago, my dad was chief elf. He delighted in the tree, and we loved decorating together. When he died, my mom stepped in, and we've been the A-team ever since. But now she is very old and increasingly frail, and told me yesterday that she does not feel up to leaving her retirement complex and joining us here at our home until Christmas actually arrives.

Since we have no human kids, I'm kinda at the end of the elf line here. So I'll be on my own today. A day I've been anticipating for several years now, but wished would never arrive. I'm so hoping it will feel OK enough. After losing precious friends these past couple of years, I do know how lucky I am to be gifted with the opportunity to celebrate Christmas at all. But it will be different, and Christmas is a time when I so dearly wish I could turn the clock back and keep things the same.

But deep breath...up the tree will go this afternoon. Along with all the memories. Fingers crossed that there will still be some magic left, passed along from all the Christmases past. I'll let y'all know. :o

[labblab]

Oh Addy, we were typing at the same time. I am so sorry about Hubby!! No wonder you are feeling tired, you have so much on your plate to worry about. At least Kate will soon be home, safe and sound.

What did you end up doing for Thanksgiving?

[Budsters Mom]

Well, I find solace in the fact that I am not the only mess this holiday season.;) We remain united.:p

Well Marianne, there are no elves at my house left either. Holidays have been hard for me for way too long. Somehow or another, Buddy always made them tolerable. We were in it together and his sweet nature helped me get through. He was there and he just knew. He knew that I was acting and I needed him by my side. Rosie is cute and sweet and also clueless!

Tracy, I totally understand your feeling of not wanting to do Christmas. I haven't wanted to do the holidays for a very long time. Holidays are hard for me. Somehow or another, Buddy made them okay. He knew I was just acting and trying to get through and he always managed to make me laugh. I do them for my folks. They are not willing or able to help anymore, but still enjoy the festivities. There is no one around to help with the work, which was a huge part of the holidays. Everyone pitching in to share. Those days are gone.

Oh dear Addy. So sorry to hear that hubby is still is in so much pain. I am allergic to codeine, so I cannot take Vicodin either. After my surgery, they gave me oxycodone to bring home. I only took it for a few days because it is highly addictive, but it did work! Since hubby shouldn't be taking NSAIDs and Vicodin is out, Oxy might be a temporary option until he can get in to see a specialist. Just a thought….

Kate is coming home!!! The rest of the Christmas preparations are fluff. They are just icing on the cake. You are truly blessed my dear, because you still have the cake! You have enough on your plate right now. The rest of the Christmas stuff can hold off for another year, or two. Family is what counts, not tinsel, decorations or a tree.

THE GRINCH HAS SPOKEN!!!:D:D:D

Kathy

[mommyslittlegirl]

I am sorry so many are feeling so sad.

[Bailey's Mom]

Marianne & Addy and Woodydog--I hate when Christmas cannot be the magical experience we have become accustomed to. It's true for me this year as well.

Ryan and Ellen just visited this weekend both to celebrate Bob's birthday and then to celebrate Christmas. Bob did zero on the Christmas decorating. I did find a small tree with cute, multicolored twinkling lights. I was able to find an ornament that looks like a star and that became the topper. And I used my collection of Swarovski Christmas ornaments to decorate it. The top is a rather long branch and the star topper tends to make it droop over....so it is lovingly called my "Charlie Brown" tree. It's 36" tall which is a far cry from the 8 ft ones we have had in this house since we moved here 13 years ago. I also realized that last year was probably the last year we will ever have a magnificent tree like that with all the lovely, memory sparking decorations. This year there were no outside lights, no candles in the window and just my lonely little tree plus 2 other decorations that I put out.....and now they are away....as Ellen & Ryan are gone and on Tuesday Bob & I leave for FL.

I have been missing Palmer especially so. Not sure why. He was such a comfort to me. Just by being here. And he sure got a kick out of Christmas morning!! But life moves on, time moves on and like it or not, things change. So I am trying to be a brave little soldier, at least for now. I will say I don't like it!!

In case I don't get back on here before the new year, my best wishes go out to all of you for a special Christmas and a happy new year. A new year, a new beginning.

With love,
Susan/Sus/Palmer's Mom & Bailey's Mom.:D

[labblab]

Oh Susan, so great to hear from you, and I can't help but smile at my vision of your little Charlie Brown tree. I know it's a change for you, but it sounds so sweet. I hope you and Bob and Bailey have a good and safe trip to Florida this week. Gotta warn you that it may be even warmer than usual, though. I was only wearing a t-shirt yesterday and was still sweating while we were wrangling our tree. Crazy, crazy weather!!

Alright kids, drum roll please.... But putting up the tree yesterday turned out to be even better than OK. It was fun. :o :)

I know things will feel very different to me when my mom is not here with us at all, as opposed to just being across town. But for this year, things worked. Hubby stepped up to the plate and came over to keep me company. Brought a magazine and sat in a nearby chair, and continually offered comments and placed a couple of his favorite ornaments himself. Plus, the girls were angels and came and sat between us and did not try to topple the tree or carry ornaments away in their mouths or bash the boxes with their tails. It was different, but it was good. Perhaps a new tradition has been born...

Most special of all was jointly deciding where to put our beloved bobble-head Barkis. Since even as an Administrator I am too dumb to know how to insert more than one thumbnail in a reply, we'll handle this in two replies. First, here was real Barkis with his favorite toy of all -- a deflated basketball that he would heave around the house and proudly retrieve.

[labblab]

And now, here's our bobble-head Barkis ornament (the "basketball" is actually a food bowl that we painted orange :D).

It always holds a place of honor on the tree, just like our memories of our boy when he was at his very best. :o :o :o

[Budsters Mom]

Love, love, love, bobble head Barkis. I'm glad that your tree trimming turned out to be different, but OK Marianne.:) I can just see hubby supervising. I have a few of those around my house too. Lol

[Allison]

Hugs to you Marge! Two years ago, on the 21st, I lost my dear Lucy cat. The holidays meant nothing to me. All I wanted was Lucy at my side again. I'm sorry for your loss of Fritz and for his absence this Christmas in your life. I pray for you healing over the days, weeks, and months to come. It does sound as if happiness might be soon ahead for you.

Sorry for this rough season, Addy. May you get some needed rest.

Yes, Marianne, it would be lovely to go back in time and make things stay the same. Then again, I remember the last time I said this to someone. I got the wise response that to make things stay the same would be to miss out on all the lovely things of the future. Those words came from my boyfriend who had just broken up with me and who incidentally now is my husband. To go back time, I would still have all my beloved pets. But I would miss out on the family of critters I now have. Ah, to have both! I enjoyed your photos. Thanks for posting them! May your Christmas be good, even if different.

To everyone else, I wish you a blessed Christmas. May memories bring you joy. Let the new year be a a time of recovery from grief and a better one in every way.

As for me, as I said at the start, two years ago this month, I lost my dear Lucy cat. She was an affectionate and loyal friend. So much of what I do now for animal welfare is her honor.

This season I've kept so busy, Christmas is only now sneaking up on me. Since the summer, we've gotten two new cats, including a kitten. It'll be interesting to see what they make of gifts and holiday food.

I've enjoyed poking around here since our adopted dog's death in the spring and reading people's stories. In the new year, I'll try to do more of this and maybe share a few more tales of our full critter household.

[labblab]

Allison, it's so good to see you here! Thanks so much for writing, and definitely we will be watching for more stories in 2016. ;)

Also, I just want to take a moment to remind everybody of our special candle-lighting site. At this time of year, my own heart is especially drawn to the candles and the light that they bestow. If anyone wishes to light a candle at any time, just follow the instructions here:

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=517

Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

Marianne, the candle lighting page hasn't worked for me in quite some time. I am able to view our K9C Candles, but when I light one, it doesn't show up with the others. I'm not sure what's going on with that.:confused:

Kathy

[labblab]

Hmmmmm....I dunno what the problem could be. :(

You're sure you're including K9C or k9c within the actual body of your message?

[Budsters Mom]

Yes, of course! :confused:


You're sure you're including K9C or k9c within the actual body of your message?

[labblab]

I am really puzzled then. I have consistently been lighting candles with no problem. So I just don't know what is going wrong for you. :(

[labblab]

"Auld Lang Syne"...

For the sake of old times.

I don't know all the lyrics, but I surely do hum along with the music each and every New Year's Eve -- with a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. What a privilege to have shared my life with my loved ones, human and four-legged, physically still present or here with me in spirit alone.

Cheers to the old times, and Cheers to the new times that still await us. May the New Year bring a measure of comfort and peace to all our family.

[Wally P's Mom]

Hello Friends:

The holidays have come and gone. Turning 50 this year, meant that I was due for a colonoscopy which was done 2 days before Christmas. Yes, it fell on the one year anniversary of my dad's passing. But the after effects of the anesthesia got me through Christmas.(Better than booze.) I don't remember much, a blur you would say. (I knew something good would came out of doing that test.) We had the family over on Christmas. My sister brought her invited dogs over for dinner. It took the edge off of missing Fritz (Christmas marked 2 months for Fritz.). Fritz left a gapping whole in my heart and his paw prints left the evidence behind. I miss him.

I had to tell his and Wally's stories this past weekend to convince a small breeder that we were the right parents for her puppy. All the emotions just hit me. As I was making my case for this little guy, all the little things that came rushing back to me about my guys. Plenty of tears were shed as I did this. I think in the end, it was meant that I did this. Remember and not forget, but also welcome and start anew.

At the end of the month, Mark and I are welcoming a new puppy into our home. Everyone says that puppies are a lot of work, but no one that says this ever dealt with the medical issues that I have.

I can never say that I would be completely ready for a pup. But once he is in my arms, I don't think I can ever let him go.

Wish us luck.
Happy New Year and New Beginnings.
Marge

[labblab]

Oh Marge, I wish you luck a thousand times over!!!!!!! :) :)

I cannot think of a better way to close our annual holiday thread than to look forward to the arrival of your new baby. By next holiday season, you will have so many adventures to tell us about, and also new rituals to be born alongside your puppy. The circle of love will continue unbroken: from Fritz to Wally P to Little Mister. :o :) ;)

Please, please, please begin a new thread for "our" baby on "Everything Else" whenever the mood strikes you. Sending my best wishes to you all!

Marianne

[molly muffin]

A puppy is so exciting. We will want to hear all about it of course. What a journey will be beginning all over again.

[Wally P's Mom]

Thanks friends for the well wishes and everlasting support.

Marge

[Allison]

As the years pass, the holidays become more bittersweet. In the space of only two years, my husband and I have lost three pets. One of them, my Lucy cat, died two years ago in December. Many pets have been lost before this time too who will never be forgotten.

Yet this Christmas, our household was full, alive with our toy poodle and three cats. They received many gifts. I took many photos. There were many barks and meows. It was good.

May everyone have a blessed 2016!

[Budsters Mom]

Thank you for this beautiful reminder that life and love are a circle meant to go on. There is always more love to share. :p


Yet this Christmas, our household was full, alive with our toy poodle and three cats. They received many gifts. I took many photos. There were many barks and meows. It was good

[labblab]

Hi guys, and welcome home again!! I am throwing open the door to our holiday house a bit early this year. And this is 100% selfish on my part because I am the first one to plop down at the table to talk. I miss my sweet Peg so much. :o :o :o :(

Halloween is probably my favorite holiday of all. October is my favorite month, for sure. Crisp mornings, leaves turning, bonfires, apple orchards, pumpkins. And it all leads up to Halloween, a night that still seems magical to me even though I'm definitely not a kid anymore.

Our first Halloween with Peg, I rushed out to buy her a bright orange collar. She didn't do well with costumes at all, but she didn't mind a different collar, and I loved it! Our shiny black dog looking so pretty with her orange collar. Out of all my Halloween decorations, my favorite has always been Peg's collar. Buckling it around her neck has always been the crowning moment of all.

Yesterday I started decorating the house. I tried my best to be cheerful, but I knew what was coming. When I opened the box in the closet with her collar, it was hard. Really hard.

It won't be the same this year without her. And this is just the first of the holidays. Oh my. I miss her so much, and wish with all my heart that she was still here with us. I am grateful to have a place here where I can talk.

Marianne

[spdd]

We certainly know how you feel, at least I do. Here in Canada we didn't make such a big deal with Hallowe'en decorations until these last few years, but in my experience we were always behind a little from you guys when it came to decorations. I went to Florida and saw the lit reindeer for Christmas, long before they were popular here. It took a year or two for me to see them in the stores up here. Anyway... about Hallowe'en, I used to dress Keesh up in an angel costume, he had a halo and wings, specially made for dogs. He'd get soooo excited when the kids came up the driveway if he was outside. He also had to check out the treats to make sure they were safe for the kids.... what a character. Now believe it or not, the scrooge that I've become, I turn off the lights or leave for the night. 15 years of giving out candies and having so much fun, is no longer and it's just something I cannot do anymore, along with other things. Hugs and more hugs going out to you.... even though we were so blessed to have these marvelous creatures in our life, the sadness more times then we like overtakes the smiles when we remember.

[Joan2517]

Yes, starting to put out the decorations last weekend brought on lots of tears....Lena just loved Halloween. I would put her orange and black "Boo" t-shirt on (she hated costumes and would never wear one) and we would sit on the stoop waiting for all the trick or treaters. She got more attention than the candy! There would be photo ops with Lee and the kids...the parents loved that. And she just loved sitting in my lap watching it all.

Just thinking about it is making me cry, at my desk, which has become the norm for me. I miss her with all my heart, my precious little angel.

Put a couple of pics in her album....

[Squirt's Mom]

Squirt wasn't much for Halloween and certainly did NOT care for clothes of any kind for any reason! :D But oh my she loved kids and when we lived where we had trick-or-treaters come by she acted fierce at first then couldn't wait to get out among them. These holidays are tough but they also bring good memories. And it is nice to have a safe place to come talk.

[molly muffin]

Molly was not a fan of halloween, or kids ringing the door bell (it's usually too cold to sit outside here). She'd go nuts every time the bell rang and bark her head off.
But oh thanksgiving, which is on Monday here. That she loved. Everyone over and the cooking and the playing. She was in her element.
It is christmas that I am dreading. That was Her holiday. I can't even think of it without crying. Not sure how I'll survive that one.
loved the pictures of Lena on the lawn Joan.
The store of Peg with her bright orange color. I can just picture it standing out against her sleek black fur. I have the exact replica on my halloween towels.
I can just see squirt running among the kids and Keesh with his wings.
Gosh, it's going to be tough to get through the holidays without them.

[labblab]

Thanks y'all for joining me here! And Joan, I loved the Halloween pics of Lena. What a little sweetheart!

Well, we're a little bit closer to Halloween now, and I've bought all my candy and finished with all my decorations. We'll be having a couple of good friends over on Halloween night to share dinner with us and to help give out the candy. They love Luna and always loved Peg, so it will be good to have them here with us that evening. They will understand how we're feeling.

Luna has always worn a purple collar on Halloween, alongside Peg with her orange collar. I toyed with the idea of putting the orange collar on Luna this year, but that didn't feel right at all. But last night, hubby made this suggestion. I would not feel like I could tell many people, but I know I can share with you guys. He said, what if we put Peg's collar around her box of ashes, and set it in a special place that just the two of us will know about that night. A lot of people would probably think that was totally weird but I already feel comforted when I picture doing that. I'm giving Hubby an A+ on that idea!

So Peglet will still be joining in with us at least in that way. Missing her so much, though, each day the holiday gets closer...

[Joan2517]

I think that's a lovely idea, Marianne. I bought Sibbie her own costume, I just can't put Lena's Boo shirt on her...it would just make me cry more than I think I will.

[Squirt's Mom]

awww what a great idea, Marianne! I think that A+ is well deserved!

[Harley PoMMom]

I teared up reading that, Marianne. What a wonderful idea that your hubby had, yep a A+ for sure.

[Budsters Mom]

I totally understand. Addy was thinking about giving Koko Zoe's bowl, then realized that she still needed it. This holds true with Peg's Orange Halloween collar. It is obvious that she still needs it. Luna has her very own purple collar, which is perfect for her. ;)

[labblab]

Thanks so much, guys. And Joan, I really hope you'll take a picture of Sibbie on her first Halloween and post it for us all to see! I'll be looking for it. ;)

[Joan2517]

I will...actually she has two. My grandsons couldn't agree on the same one, so we bought two!

[addy]

Wel, I won't be much help because I am just sitting her with tears in my eyes thinking all of our heart dogs no longer here with us.

Can't even think of one kind or witty remark:o

Like Molly, Zoe did not care much for Halloween but oh Thanksgiving and Christmas were biggies for her.

I never bought her a costume, though she would have worn it happily.
Koko hates any clothes with the exception of his ratty old puppy coat.

Marianne, I think your hubby is a keeper:) What a touching idea.

Ok, done rambling and off to dry my tears.

[molly muffin]

Absolutely hubby gets an A+ what a great idea.

Lately I've been so busy with the kids moving in and trying to get all that sorted, not getting to bed till 1 - 2am every night that I haven't had time to think about halloween or much of anything else. Now though, we where just saying we need to go buy candy and it was bitter sweet. Grandson's first halloween costume but I started thinking, how weird that I don't have to make arrangements for keeping molly entertained or from going crazy when the door bell rings this year. I don't have to rush home to make sure she is all settled before trick or treating starts or that the streets are semi cleared for her last walk of the night. It brought tears to my eyes. So much is different, in just the little rituals we have done for years for molly at halloween. :( I miss it. I want it back damn it.

[Joan2517]

Yes, it would be wonderful if we could have it back...I am trying so hard to appear normal, when all I really want to do is SCREAM that it is just not fair...my darling girl never did anything wrong; she was the sweetest, best behaved dog I have ever had and she should have lived longer. I know it never would have been long enough, but it should have been longer.

[labblab]

Yeah, it's the broken rituals that are the kickers, I think. And that's why the holidays are ten times harder. Even this morning, I still mourn just the everyday ritual with Peg. Compared to Luna, she was much more high maintenance...multiple meds, putting on her sling harness to help her walk, having to spend a long time outside until toilet chores were finished. Luna bolts down her breakfast, races out to pee and poop, and that's that. And then I'm left looking around and longing for the shadow of my shiny black dog. Every morning and every suppertime and every med time. I'd be so willing to resume Peg's daily ritual once again, if only I could and if only she had not gotten so bad.

And then when you layer the holiday rituals on top of the daily ones, boy it sure does get tough. :o :o

[labblab]

Yesterday I put Peg's orange collar around her box so as to be ready for Halloween. It didn't make me feel any better :o. I had to shorten the collar to make it fit, and right after I did that I was sorry. I wished I had left it just the way it always had been for my big girl :( :(.

Now that it's done and all ready, though, I'm hoping I'll feel glad I did it by the time Halloween night rolls around.

[Squirt's Mom]

I think I rearranged Squirt's little shrine 50+ times before I finally convinced myself it would never be "right" because that empty blinged out collar and that limp harness and those little Cairn figurines and all the rest were not my Sweet Bebe. No matter where I put those things or how I set them up, they never would be. So I made it as nice as I could and shut the door. :(

[labblab]

I think you are very wise, Les. I was falsely hoping this would somehow feel "good" but you've made me realize there's no way that was going to happen. It is just not an option that's on the table. But we can still honor her in this way, and surely that's important in its own right. So now I'm back to thinking it was the right thing to do. Thank you for helping me get there.

[Budsters Mom]

Holidays are hard when all family members(whether two or four legged) can no longer be together.:o

Buddy loved Halloween and all holidays. He was absolutely positive that everyone that came to the house to trick-or-treat, came to see him. He always wore a costume that drew tons of attention from everyone. He loved it!

[labblab]

Awww Kathy, I love seeing your avatar of Buddy again in his thunder lizard outfit. ;) :o :o :)

I'm already missing Peg so much today, of course :(. But I'm bustling around trying to get the house and food ready for tonight.

Hopefully Bud and Peg and everybody else will have a grand party of their own tonite. But how we wish they were still here.

[labblab]

Well, we made it through Halloween night. For the most part, things were OK and since our friends were here I stayed pretty focused on hostessing and the trick-or-treaters. Luna also did OK, but actually kind of went off by herself most of the time instead of hanging out with the humans. She always depended on Peg to be the leader when anything out of the ordinary was going on, so maybe she was feeling a little uncertain about things.

I left the Halloween decorations up until today, but will now swap them out for Thanksgiving. Once again, though, things aren't quite right and I'm feeling pretty low this morning. Complicated by the fact that Luna has been having some off-and-on GI issues for a couple of weeks now which is very unusual for her. I went ahead and took her in to the vet this morning because my home cures aren't solving the problem (some vomiting and loose stools). I really wasn't all that worried before heading in, but after he weighed her and she's lost nearly four pounds for no good reason, I'm feeling a lot less happy now :o. So we're doing bloodwork and stool sampling, and I've got some metronidazole and probiotics to give her. And probably it is nothing serious at all, but I just feel paranoid so soon after losing Peg. So my heart is even heavier this morning, especially because at the vet's I was awaiting alongside a sweet man with his sweet old dog who was probably not going to be making the trip back home again. :( :(

Just all-round a crappy morning, guys. Thank goodness I can come here and talk after having a bit of a cry.

[Joan2517]

Boy, do I know that paranoid feeling, Marianne...anytime any of them are not feeling well, I get very panicky. Poor Luna...she may just miss Peg. Gable hasn't been himself since Lena died...almost the same issues, vomiting and loose stools. Had him checked out and nothing showed on his blood work. I'm going to scan them and post to see if you guys see anything that the vet didn't.

I hope it is just Luna missing Peg.

I did the same thing yesterday...took all the Halloween decorations down and started with the Thanksgiving. Another one that Lee loved so much...the turkey cooking (I would move her bed to the kitchen doorway so she could guard the turkey while it cooked in the oven); then when my husband took it out she would park herself under the butcher block just waiting until he started carving and would give them pieces. One year she ate so much turkey, she slept through dessert, which she just loved!

But it will be Sibbie's first and we are going to have 14 for dinner and I will smile, converse and make believe that I am not thinking that last year was Lena's last Thanksgiving, and this is my first without her...it's going to be tough.

[molly muffin]

Big hugs Marianne and Joan and all the others who are missing their babies this holiday season.
It isn't easy, these first, and I don't think the seconds are very easy either truth be told.

[DoxieMama]

Oh, Marianne. I'm sorry to hear that Luna has not been feeling well. Definitely sounds like you had a crappy morning. :( Big hugs.

Aw Joan, poor Gable. I'm glad his bloodwork looks okay, but I bet you're frustrated at not having an answer for what's wrong.

Holiday firsts, indeed. I offered to host for my family this year, though I haven't had any confirmations back from my 3 brothers. Only mom and dad, so far. It will be a first for two of them without their doggies too... at least, I expect so. My youngest brother's pom, Bailey, has been gone for months now. My other brother's pit Aiden (aka Boo) hasn't been well for quite a while but last I heard, he wasn't yet willing to let him go. And of course, my baby, Visuddha.

We had intended to take down the Halloween decorations this weekend. My husband got most of them, but not all, and none of them are put away yet. Maybe this next weekend.

[addy]

A www Marianne, those were lighter days indeed and I remember them well and am so thankful to have those memories. I'm hoping Luna will be feeling better soon. Our work pup Lucy went through a bad spell after we lost Rocky. She now has a puppy named Bob she plays nanny too and is feeling better though I think she gets fed up with his pestering:)

I was thinking back to those early days remembering how you all helped me figure out how to get mom home after she fell and broke her pelvis. Talk about a group effort to move mountains to have her sit next to me at the table.

Thanksgiving marked the beginning of the end for Zoe and as we approach it again it looks like it might be the same for mom as we discuss hospice care for her.

So this year all those dearly loved traditions will be set aside as our families lives adjust to the new traditions. Gosh it is hard to give up those traditions up but the realization and thankfulness that I was able to give them to all ou family is something I hold dear and I think lay the framework for future traditions. I know not all will embrace them but I do know my Kate holds them close to her heart.

And that is a great gift. Those traditions are the fabric of my being and though they change they don't change who we are but reinforce us, strengthen us.

So we will all hold each other's virtual hand as we find our way through the holidays and I know we will all be just fine because we have each other

[Squirt's Mom]

This is the hardest part of any year for me but this year is especially hard because of a number. 10. Nov. 30th will be ten years since Gia died. 10. How does a mother live 10 years longer than her child? How does that happen?

I look at my grandsons and am so very grateful they are here. In their eyes I see her, in their laughter I hear her, and in seeing and hearing my heart both glows and shatters over and over and over. So many things I feel a great pressure to be sure they hear, hopefully understand and believe, but at least hear about their mom who loved them both so dearly. The best gift I think I can give Gia now is to do my utmost to make sure her boys are friends as well as brothers so that as they grow and age they know they always have each other. Ten years. One is driving now, the other not far behind. Ten years. Have I done enough for them, for her? No, not near enough.

I miss her so. No words can express my longing to see her again, to hold her again, to hear her voice and see her eyes dance again. I could always pick Squirt up and talk with her about her Sissy but no one here now knew Gia. So I sift through memories and longings alone since my Sweet Bebe had to leave, adding those memories of her to those from Gia. My greatest comfort is knowing Gia and Squirt are together again.

I miss my girls so very very much.

[Joan2517]

I can't imagine 10 years without either of my children. My daughter faces that reality every day with my oldest grandson, Josh, who has Chronic Granulomatous Disease. The only cure is a bone marrow transplant which we are desperately trying to avoid because it is not fool-proof. He's only 8, but has lived much longer than we thought he would when we received his diagnosis when he was just 2 weeks old.

As sad as I am about Lena not being here this year, I don't want it to ruin Josh's Thanksgiving because we never know what next year will be like...and he loves Thanksgiving just like his grandpa does. He loves the traditions and the crowd of family. He always wants the turkey leg even though he never really eats it! Halloween is his all time favorite, though...my little ghoul.

My heart goes out to you, Leslie...holidays can be really hard.

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi to all!
I just figured out why I'm off balance having now read today's posts. Palmer has been on my mind a lot. And Bailey is about to turn 6. So Palmer has been gone quite awhile now.
Bob and I are a very small family. Ryan and Ellen will go to Colorado for Thanksgiving this year. They will be here for Christmas. It just finally hit me how it's going to be the first Thanksgiving with Ryan not here. I mean, I've known-after all I did make the reservations for us to go out to dinner. Oh that sounds depressing. But it's just the two (three-Bailey) of us now. We aren't going to go through all that work to cook a turkey just for the two of us. We will cook one at Christmas, I hope. Sometimes Bob makes prime rib standing roast at Christmas.

I am so sorry all of you are suffering your loses.The holidays used to be my favorite time of year. It's not that way much now. Bailey has no idea of how doggies are supposed to act with wrapping paper, etc. She is so unusual from our other dogs. She doesn't especially like being stroked behind her ears. She has allergies, so she always wants a back scratch. She hears the end of a roll of toilet paper coming and I toss her the cardboard core. She dashes away like mad and drops it after going 20 feet. And that's the end of it. Chasing ball for her means I throw it, she goes to retrieve it (really happy) and then she brings it "around" me. She won't give it to me to throw again unless I grab it.

My Mom died 30 years ago. My Dad died two years later.....and that was the end of all the grandparents. Bob's parents died within the two years between my folks passing. I didn't really get to see up close what this getting older business means. Yet I learned this past year, that my maid of honor is now in a nursing facility. She has early onset Alzheimer's and one of the first things to go was her speech and her eyesight. Except for the Alzheimers she is pretty healthy....so it's a matter of time. It has already been six years. It was only upon learning about this that I learned that ending our friendship about 5 years ago was due to her trying to hide her illness. We'd been friends since 1963. Tragic.

Boy-I came in here with the intentions of trying to add compassion to all the losses I read about today. I'm sorry for dumping. It sure doesn't feel like the holidays are coming.

-Susan

[labblab]

Aww Susan, no need at all for an apology. This is exactly why the door to our holiday house is open each year, so we have a place where we can be real with each other. In all the other houses, we have to put on smiles, or cook, or chat, or entertain, or be social, or act happy happy happy. But we don't do that here. We don't pretend things are fine when they're not. It's wonderful when we do have sweet things to share, but we hug each other when we don't.

I am always so grateful for you all, but never more so than this year since I am struggling, too. Thanks so much to Addy for what she has written because it lifts me up whenever I think about it. Thanks so much to you all for sharing what's truly in your heart.


So we will all hold each other's virtual hand as we find our way through the holidays and I know we will all be just fine because we have each other.

[Bailey's Mom]

Thank you, Marianne.

[labblab]

Thanksgiving week is here. Some things are the same, but much is also very different. A very important someone is missing, and that changes so much for me. But I am very thankful for all my friends here, and I'll be thinking of you all with gratitude as this week unfolds for our families.

Marianne

[tank&kat]

We are here Marianne. Of all the bad feelings that come with this grief, I hope you never feel alone. Not for one second.

[addy]

Well, will be strange for us too because not only am I not cooking anything, we are going to Mom's room to eat with her and then out to my brothers.

So Mariannne, I'll sit next to you for dinner if you sit next to me:)

Argh, hubby has me tell mom we were handed lemons so we need to make lemonade. Not sure I feel like drinking lemonade right now;)

As hard as it is sometimes, we will be thankful for the memories.

Is it January yet? It will be light out again at 5pm on January 21st.

Ok, so I've been thinking of bringing out Zoe's tree for Christmas. I swore I would donate it after she died but hubby said wait.

He wants to celebrate her life and see the beautiful birds and have it stand tall and beautiful in tribute to her.

Not sure I can do this, but thought of all the darling fur babies we have lost this year and well, I guess it will stand in tribute to all of them so think that thought is giving me the strength to face Zoe's tree:)

[Joan2517]

That sounds like such a beautiful thing to do! Lena loved the holidays..I had almost decided not to make my shortbreads this year because she loved them so much, but maybe I will in her memory. Not sure yet...

I've been crying all day. I just have not been able to stop. I hope that I will cry enough so that I can get through Thanksgiving without crying at the table. This is so friggin hard...

[molly muffin]

Thank god we have this holiday place to come to. I've been super teary for the past week. So much is different, so much I wish wasn't different.

Awww, Susan, it sucks as we get older and lose those who mean so much to us. My dad had alzheimers, it's definitely rough. I lost my mom and my dad within a couple years of each other. The last time they where here was for Thanksgiving and had a lovely time. Then they planned to go to my sisters for Easter in the spring. That didn't happen. My mom passed away unexpectedly and my dad literally went down the road of alzheimers as soon as she passed.


Thinking of Zoe's tree. Such a lovely thought Addy.

I think it is the tree that is getting to me. We've talked about when to put ours up and all I can see is that empty sheepskin rug of mollys without her on it. Daniel wouldn't let me wash it after she passed. She loved laying under the Christmas tree on that rug. It was her place.

I wish all of you happy Thanksgiving. It's nice to have some place to come and share with others who understand.

So, Group hugs! We're going to need lots of those.

[labblab]

Addy, I'm definitely sitting next to you if you'll have me :)! And Kat, how's about you on the other side :o?

Thinking this morning about Lena's shortbread and Zoe's beautiful tree of birds and Molly's sheepskin...all such direct connections to your hearts...will it feel better to tuck them away or to bring them out in honor? Maybe impossible to know in advance, and that's the really hard part.

When it comes to Peg, there are two things that will be very hard. The first is "her" tree ornament. But I will need to put that on the tree no matter how hard it makes me cry. It needs to be there because it's always been there since her first Christmas, and it just needs to be there in her honor. That way, she'll still be with me in spirit.

The second thing will only be a memory. It sounds very silly but it had been a ritual since her first Christmas when she was just three months old and such a happy puppy. I had a big purple towel that I was using to dry her off after she'd been out in the rain and we were playing a game, "where's the puppy?" where she'd get all tangled up in the towel and then burst out. We had music playing and just then "Away in a Manger" came on, and I smiled and play-acted that Peg was the baby Jesus wrapped in swaddling clothes as I held her close in her purple towel. For ten Christmases after that, no matter that she had grown to 80 pounds, at some point during the holiday I would swaddle my baby Peg and hug her close to me in that royal purple towel. Yesterday I noticed her towel in the linen closet, and I thought, oh what will I do this year? Will I just leave it there, or will I bring it out and set it in a special place where I can touch it if I need to or want to when we play the carols. I don't know yet. I don't know which way my heart will turn. I guess it will just take some time to find out.

[Squirt's Mom]

You ladies mind if I sit with you?

Squirt loved Christmas. All the lights and colors and activity thrilled her no end. Not to mention getting to travel and see people she loved so very much, like my brother, Mark. Christmas was always so very special to Gia and me....so many memories. Thanksgiving was always my dad's favorite but it is the hardest for me - Gia left 4 days after Thanksgiving so this once joyous season is now a battle to survive year after year. But like Addy said, we are grateful for the memories, both individually and collectively. I am so grateful to know my girls are together...and I'm grateful to have a place to come talk about them both.

Thank you for the image of a shared tree, Addy.

Hugs to all.

[labblab]

Hey Les, of course! Pull up a chair, girl, anywhere you want. ;)

It's hard enough to get through the holidays when we are missing loved ones, generally. But when a specific holiday is linked so directly to a loss...well, I can't even imagine how much harder that makes things. We are very grateful to have you join our table at a time when it must be so especially hard to venture out at all.

So sit yourself down, and help us decide what we're gonna eat tomorrow. Shall we potluck it, people? Or should we order in? (you know, you really can't ever go wrong with pizza, even on Thanksgiving...maybe turkey pizza?? :eek:).

[Budsters Mom]

;)I usually end up at the angry teen table. The table where our young Americans text each other the entire meal about their lame parents who made them come. Bear in mind that they are sitting about 4 inches from each other. They never say a word, just continue to text nasty comments or emoji's. I wanted to get in on the fun last Thanksgiving, so I pulled out my iPhone and texted the angry teen on my right. I received an eye rolling and furious emoji, with a, "Never do that again", comment. I almost fell out of my chair in hysterics. ROFL :D:D:D It is obvious how much my great niece and nephews love me!;)

[apollo6]

Wishing you all the best holiday. It is not about the decorations, perfect dinner. It is a time to be grateful for the small stuff, the people in our lives, the precious memories we have of our fur Angels. All my relatives live in Austria, my brother lives in Ohio. So it is just me Mom and Doug. Instead of focusing on the big family I do not have, I try to be grateful for the family I have. I am grateful for passing Apollo's and Karma's love to our adopted babies Arial and Kristen. They will never replace my Apollo and Karma. But they enrich my life . They have challenges to overcome. I am grateful for all the love and support you all have given me over the years. Andy-Zoe, Sharlene-Molly, Leslie-Squirts mom, Budster's Mom, Dawn -Kiki, too many to list all of you.
Mom is 85 so I know time is running out and try to embrace the time we have. Love Sonja and Apollo

[lulusmom]

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

[labblab]

Thank you, Glynda!!! :)

Well, it's morning after. My day was very similar to the way Halloween felt. I was hostessing again, but only for five of us so it was not an overwhelming group. I was so busy during the middle of the day that I was really just focused on getting the food on the table and making sure glasses were full. And then, of course cleaning up. So many hours of prep, what feels like a few minutes of actual eating, and then hours of cleanup :rolleyes:...

Luna was a very good girl, but again, seemed a bit lost without her big sister leading the way.

It was early in the morning and later in the evening, when all the work was done and the house was quiet again, that I was thinking so much about my big girl, my shiny black dog. Love you and miss you so much, my angel. I will never forget our holidays together because you always made them so special, and I thank you so much for sharing your life with me.

[molly muffin]

Happy Thanksgiving (day after) to all.

I guess that is the good thing, that everything involved in a holiday keeps you so very busy, there is little time to feel those pangs of anguish. Until the quiet moments, then it is unavoidable.

Big hugs to all.

[Bailey's Mom]

Happy Cyber Monday.....(if that's your "thing")!!
I didn't realize the gang was all here. I vote for pizza with pepperoni.
Our thanksgiving dinner out was okay. Just not very festive. But then we left there and went to an outlet mall and made a killing on 5 things we needed to get....that brightened our spirits.
Addy-YES! bird tree!
Hugs to all.
Susan

[Budsters Mom]

The Christmas tree was put up today. It brought back memories of how very easy Buddy was. He was a person in a pint sized dog suit. He never bothered the tree or any decorations or ornaments. He was too busy doing his jobs, which were hunting those pesky lizards, chasing critters out of the yard and those nasty birds who invaded his air space. Most of all guarding those that he loved.

Rosie, known as Monkey Girl, is the complete opposite. She is fascinated with everything that is new, different and sparkly. She couldn't stay away from the Christmas tree if her life depended on it. For the last few years, the tree has been safely tucked inside of the dog pen and Rosie has been out. I was hoping that we could do it a little differently this year, meaning not penning the tree. Within seconds Rosie had manages to crawl under it and attempt to pull off all the pom-poms from the tree skirt. So, once again the dog pen went up! She then sat there at the fence and shoved her paw through the bars attempting to get to the sparklies. It is funny, but makes me miss my sweet Buddy even more. Rosie is tons more work, but also a whole lot of fun.

I want them all back! Each and every one of them remains special and so very loved.

[apollo6]

Dido to everything you said. Apollo would get so excited he'd rip open his present, Karma's and any present in his sight. Miss my boy. Ariel is so different. Wishing you all a blessed holiday season.
Love Sonja,Apollo

[labblab]

Hey Kathy, I'm wondering the exact same thing -- whether or not the tree will need to be penned this year without Peg here.

We have discovered that a couple of "issues" that we had always assumed were Luna's doing must have actually been Peg instead. Like who was gnawing holes in the Afghan covering the couch, and who was the "barker" when there was any neighborhood activity during the night. :o :o

As a team, the girls could not be trusted around the tree. Whether or not that will change this year, we don't yet know. But of course, I'd take the ex-pen anytime -- in a skinny minute -- if it meant having Big Girl back again...

[Joan2517]

Lena never bothered the tree, she just liked to sit in my lap and look at it, or I would hold her in my arms while I put the ornaments on. Cooper, on the other hand, used to pee on it! I had to put scat mats around it to keep him away. And my big boy, Gabe, never does anything wrong....

So far Sibbie has not tried to take the bottom ornaments off (even though I have caught her staring at them). She had a temper tantrum when she saw one that looked like a ball and couldn't get it off, so I moved it where she couldn't see it. If she decides to bother the tree, I'll just put up her doggie fence around it.

It is already starting to get to me that Lena won't be here. Last night we had a fire going in the front room and Sibbie lay down on the floor in front of it with one of her toys, and it looked so familiar. It hit me that it looked just like Lena when we were in Williamsburg. I had made a Christmas card out of that picture. I showed it to my husband and we both started crying and talking about her. I was surprised to find that he must miss her as much as I do, he always listens when I start, but hasn't talked about his feelings. I'm not sure if that made me feel better or worse....

[molly muffin]

Oh yea, this Christmas is going to suck.

The other night I lost it. We were trying to clean up the house, just get things in order with winter starting and I said to put the basket with the kids scarves and gloves on the bottom shelf of table at the entry way. This is also where mollys suitcase of coats is kept and still is there. So I picked it up and said, here take it downstairs for now to my husband, then he says, well what is in it and our daughter is saying no leave it, it's so pretty. By now I am hugging that suitcase to my chest like I couldn't let it go and they just keep talking at me, what in it, whats in it, leave it. I finally buried my head in that suitcase and just burst into tears and said it's mollys coats and sweaters, thrust the suitcase towards my husband and ran for the bathroom bawling.

And here I am at work, with tears flowing down my face just typing about it. Geeeezzz I have two meetings coming up in 20 minutes, one of the phone with customers and managers and another right after with a company VP. I can't do this with tears.

Her special sheepskin rug, still not washed because hubby won't let me, is under the tree where she always lay on it. Giselle the cat, who is daily getting the crap beat out of her by the other cat and so has kicked in my protective nature, sleeps on it when she can. That feels okay to me, but it will always be mollys and I wish like hell she was there.

crud, got to go fix face. laters

[Joan2517]

Aww, Sharlene...I know. Lena's Christmas dress and t-shirt are in my bedroom where I can look at them...we finally found her baby pictures and I feel like a weight is off my shoulders...I just keep looking at them. All of her favorite dog beds are being used, they could probably be thrown out, but that will never happen.

Everyone is putting their orders in for shortbreads, but just the thought of making them without her sitting next to me while I prepare and bake, is making me not want to do it. I put all her ornaments on the tree, including the new ones "no longer by my side, but forever in my heart"...it sucks.

I thought my husband didn't understand, but I know now that he does, so maybe I don't have to hide while I'm crying anymore. It still shocks me that she is gone.

[DoxieMama]

Hugs ladies......

[Squirt's Mom]

Big ole sobby hugs, Sharlene.

[Harley PoMMom]

Sending loving bugs too.

[molly muffin]

I know my husband is just as devastated as I am just doesn't show it the same way. I'm glad that you know the same now too Joan. It does help to have someone there to share the sorrow with when needed.

Holidays are hard for sure. Too many of us this year going through the same things in our own ways.

I think it is going to be interesting to discover who was the leader doing what at your house Marianne.

Hugs to you too Shana.

and heck. I feel like a group hug! We all sink or and/or swim together

[Joan2517]

Big hugs for sure...I am hanging on to all of you!

[tank&kat]

Sharlene, that had to be difficult finding Mollys coats so unexpectedly. Hearing that makes me wish Tank had more things that I could have saved. All I have is a stuffed turtle, his collar and his bed, which for me is something I will most likely keep forever. It was very expensive (memory foam) and I never worked so hard to keep anything as clean as that bed during the last couple of months he was alive. He always peed on it when I left him home alone. I had to keep it perfect. I couldn't afford another one like it. I bought it for him not long after he was diagnosed with Cushing's and noticed he was walking a lot more just after the first week.

I haven't cried from missing him in a long time. I can only think. Lots of memories, awesome ones, and I get lost in my mind for a while. I remember things from when he was just a puppy, that seem so real as if it was happening right at that very moment. Memories that I never thought twice about before and now I can't stop thinking about them but don't want to. I am so used to living with bad memories from my past. I just hope he continues to keep the negative ones far away. He is not even here and he is protecting me. I never thought I would say this, but I can't wait to get settled and find a permanent place to live so I can foster senior dogs. Tank may have taken my heart with him but he didn't go as far away as I thought.

I wish I could have been here for Thanksgiving to hear all the stories. I did read them all today. My thoughts are with you all, always.

[apollo6]

When you have loved so deeply, you fall even harder. It is normal to feel the way you do. It has been four years since my Apollo passed and I still have a lot of his things. And yes I call them my Apollo moments when the tears flow. It comforts me and I don't care what people think. That is why I give all a big hug and love to every one of you. Celebrate their beautiful lives. They will always be in your heart and soul. Love Sonja and Apollo

[labblab]

Oh Sonja, we all thank you so much for your sweet words.

Well...the tree went up on Sunday and guess what, Luna hasn't bothered it at all. Without her sidekick here, I guess it just doesn't hold the same curiosity for her :o. We haven't yet added the real candy canes, tho, so maybe their smell may end up luring her. But for now, no ex-pen needed. How crazy -- now I wish we did need the ex-pen because that would mean things were more like normal. Sometimes you just can't win.

But the tree is beautiful. And we put Peg's ornament at the very top, right below the angel. It is her baby picture. She had the sweetest little puppy face.

[Joan2517]

Same with us, Marianne...so far Cooper and Sibbie have not bothered the tree. Lena never did, and my Gable wouldn't even think of it!

All Lena's ornaments are grouped together...the picture of her first Christmas with us surrounded by all the others. I look at her sweet little face every day and wish I could hold her in my arms again...then the tears start.

I did start making my shortbreads. Gable took up Lena's watch and lay on the floor waiting for a taste of the dough. As soon as Sibbie realized that was the routine, she kept coming back in as soon as she heard the mixer stop and stood on her back legs waiting for a little taste of the dough. I had thought of not making them, but I think Lee will be happy that I did. It wasn't the same, though. It just doesn't feel like Christmas this year.

As I look at last year's pictures, I can see how much she had declined. Looking at them now, I can see that she wasn't feeling well. She looked so tired...but I would still give anything to have her back, even for a little while so I could tell her goodbye. I miss her so much.

[mommyslittlegirl]

Its hard to believe that it is almost Christmas again. And Again I will not put up a Christmas tree. I am alone so there is no need. I think about the Christmas past and me and my baby`s little tree. It was just a small artificial tree and over the years some of the needles feel off and some of the branches did`t look quite right any more. I told my baby it was our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. But after the lights and ornaments were put on , it was beautiful. I would pick my baby up and show her the tree. Perhaps it was just me, but her eyes would light up and she seemed to smile. Even tho I will not have a tree ,I decided to bring out and display some of her ornaments. Looking at the ornaments in my hands bring tears to my eyes. I find I am not only crying for myself but for Marianne, Joan, Sonja and all the other moms and dads who will not have their babies for Christmas. Sending you a big hug back Sonja.

[Joan2517]

Why don't you put up the tree anyway and hang her ornaments on it...I wish you could join us for Christmas. We could cry together and talk about our babies.

It's so hard...everything is before and after for me...before Lee died; after Lee died.

It will be 10 months on the 19th, and Sibbie will be one year old on the 19th...so, so hard. I will feel guilty celebrating Sibbie's birthday; and guilty if I don't...