Holidays can be hard... [Archive] - Page 2 - Canine Cushing's Information and Support Forums

labblab

12-25-2016, 07:25 AM

It is now Christmas morning for us here. Luna and I are the only ones awake, and the Christmas tree lights look like little stars to me (they really look like little stars because my glasses are off and I'm so near-sighted they are all a twinkling blur -- but somehow even more beautiful that way...:o).

I can't help but think of all our loved ones who are physically absent. But I just finished reading a note that our dear Leslie (Squirtsmom) posted elsewhere on the forum, and I was struck anew by her beautiful signature line. I hope she won't mind me repeating it, because it seems to me to be the perfect thought for all of us here on this Christmas morning.

"May you know that absence is full of tender presence and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten." Anne, a Corgi mom

My house is far emptier than I would wish. But my heart is overflowing with memories that surround my tree this morning.

I send my very best wishes for peace and comfort to all our K9C family on this Christmas Day.

Love, Marianne

tank&kat

12-25-2016, 01:17 PM

I feel Tank is all around me. He follows me wherever I go. I couldn't ask for a better gift, today or any other day. Merry Christmas everyone.

~Kat

Budsters Mom

12-27-2016, 10:37 PM

Well, we got thru Christmas. So happy to hear that Addy put up Zoe's beautiful bird tree. It is so odd how different our pups are, even with the same family. Buddy, like Koko and Luna, never bothered the Christmas tree or any decorations. Rosie, is fascinated by it all. She has a magnetic force that draws her to anything and everything new, shiny, or sparkly. Naturally, I had to pen the tree again this year. Even still, I have found her (multiple times) lying by the penned tree and sticking her paws through the wires. The tree skirt has pom-poms all around it. I think Rosie thinks they are a little balls, just for her. :D :rolleyes:

Rosie has been overjoyed having me home on break. She is absolutely gleeful. A bouncy little elf sharing her endless array of bones and toys. :D

molly muffin

12-28-2016, 04:12 PM

It is official I do not like some surprises. It is the caught unaware surprise that makes one break into uncontrollable bawling that I absolutely hate.

Everyone is gathered around, opening gifts, and one is put on my lap, and told this is a special gift and for everyone to be quiet while I open it. I'm thinking Huh, whats up. And then I open the most beautiful red snowflake with a picture of molly in the center on both sides. A special ornament with my favorite pictures of her. And I burst into tears, with everyone looking at me and my husband handing a kleenex that he had ready in his hand.

That was so unfair and I did Not like it and I just kept saying, not ready for this you guys. I just sat there and bawled, my daughter put the ornament on the top of the tree, where it shines prominently and I can barely look at it because i just cry when I do.

I can't even type this because all I do is cry when I think about it.
I don't know what it takes to get past this horrible feeling that has been brought back just as I thought I was past the emotional tears stage.

That saturation point has been reached where I just wish I could have some alone time. It feels like I haven't had that time since Molly passed to just mourn without people everywhere and someone needing something from me that I no longer feel like I have to give. The unconditional love well feels dry and I know it isn't but it feels that way.

So now I'm mad. Mad that I haven't had that time to say goodbye to her, that there would never have been enough time anyhow to say goodbye or to mourn her not being here. So mad at feeling lost and that there is nothing I or anyone else can do to make it better.

I rather wish that we could have skipped christmas this year

labblab

12-28-2016, 04:39 PM

Even tho I don't have the power to make things better, I want you to know we've got your back, Sharlene. You are 100% entitled to every one of your feelings whether it's being sad or mad or just had-it-up-to-here. We love you inside-out, no matter what.

When I am feeling crappy, I always hate it when my husband tries to make a practical suggestion because my feeling crappy usually is far more involved than any simple fix. But here I am, going to do the same thing with you...:o. Would it help at all to take the ornament down and tuck it away for the rest of this year? You can tell your family it is lovely and so thoughtful and someday it will bring you comfort, but your loss is still too fresh to look at those pictures for right now.

I know the ornament is really a symbol for your whole entire loss, and putting it away won't solve the rest of it. But maybe it would help just a little bit. (And now you can ignore my suggestion just like I'd probably do if it was me, and you can even be annoyed at the suggestion just like I would probably be if it had come to me from my husband :rolleyes:).

But either way, keep knowing this is your safe place to come and talk, no matter what and no matter how you're feeling, OK?

molly muffin

12-28-2016, 05:06 PM

Thanks Marianne. I know you guys understand and I sometimes hate to come here to moan and groan when I know that so many of you are going through the same feelings, but then again, that's probably why I do, because you all understand as no one else ever could.

I can't take it down. My husband is mourning molly too and he stops and looks at the ornament and will just reach out and touch it. Like he is somehow touching molly by doing so and in his heart he probably is. I can't take that way from him, I'd feel like the biggest jerk imaginable to do so. Logically it makes sense to wrap it up and not look at it right now, but emotionally while it hurts to see it, it helps him to have given it to me. I just rather wish he'd done it privately, one on one. They were so proud of doing this for me, that I am just going to have to deal with it. Tree might come down sooner or gads, might not be able to take it down at all. Christmas all year because I can't remove one ornament????????? oh my (okay that made me laugh and groan at the same time) LOL

We are hoping to be able to get away to somewhere nice and warm, down south of the US in February or March so that will be a life saver I think. To get that time, even though we are currently planning it with some friends, and not by ourselves, if it doesn't work out with the friends, then him and I will go. We just need a break from everything, both of us.

In January and early February we have the Winter extravaganza parties that you know I love, so that will be a break too. In June we are off to New York City and splurging for our anniversary by staying at the St Regis and I hope to catch up with Barb and Trixie, maybe in Central Park while we are there, but definitely see them. So all things to look forward to in the coming year.

I've looked at petfinder, but nothing is jumping out at me and that is probably because I'm not ready to open that door to my heart and home just yet and another fur baby. I am happy to just play with my friends dogs and try to keep control over the fighting cats in my own house currently. I wonder if one of those cats isn't going to end up living with us permanently and if so will they be accommodating to a dog when one does come to us. Neither cat has ever cohabited with a dog before.

All things that I hope will help to put this sorrow aside and yet also give us time to heal.

labblab

12-28-2016, 05:21 PM

I can't take it down. My husband is mourning molly too and he stops and looks at the ornament and will just reach out and touch it. Like he is somehow touching molly by doing so and in his heart he probably is.

OK well that made me cry, too :o, so obviously just forget my suggestion! ;)

But PLEASE promise you'll tell us all the details about the parties (like if there's a theme or special clothes involved). Honest to gosh, I live vicariously through your winter parties and I love "us" getting all gussied up for them. :)

I do believe we will all of us make it through our sorrow here, no matter how long it may take. No apologies are needed nor accepted for moaning, because that is what gives us all permission to share our hearts here. (And if the kitty who stays with you is the one who is getting pounded on by the other cat, I'll bet a dog sibling may be a very welcome alternative...)

molly muffin

12-28-2016, 05:36 PM

The one last year in Ottawa was at the Museum of History and was viking themed and we got a private viewing of the new viking exhibit that went on view there. Very interesting stuff.

I think the one this year in Ottawa is at a different museum. I haven't heard if there is a theme yet or not.

However, I am on the planning committee for the one in Toronto this year and I just had an idea I will be proposing to the committee for our party, thank you Marianne, I hadn't even thought of doing a theme here since we have such a smaller group, but now I thought of doing "gangster style", with a dress code of 20's gangster, and a photo booth to take pictures of everyone dressed up, and set it up as a speakeasy club with the famous Toronto rum runners theme. A bottle of rum per table or something. Could be interesting. We're still trying to put ours together so I'll let you know what happens with that.

molly muffin

12-28-2016, 05:41 PM

And an email has been sent to the committee to meet in January to discuss.

Yes the kitty in question is the one getting the tar beat out of it continuously unless someone is around to run interference.

Budsters Mom

12-28-2016, 10:25 PM

I can't imagine why you don't want the bully, Sharlene. :eek:;):D

You have been there for all of us. Moan, groan, whine and cry as much as you need to.

A similar, blindsighted suprise, happened to me too. I was gifted with a heart picture frame with Buddy smiling at me, at a family gathering. It is magnetic. I totally broke down and wept uncontrollably. Now, over 3 years later, that Picture and the magnetic little frame, has a place of honor on my refrigerator door. I wasn't ready to handle it then, but now Buddy's photo greets me each day with his beautiful smile, when I get up in the morning and head to the refrigerator.;) The snowflake ornament was a lovely gift and I'm sure you will treasure it when the time is right. Right now it is just too soon. We all understand that. xxxxoooo

Yes the kitty in question is the one getting the tar beat out of it continuously unless someone is around to run interference.

labblab

12-29-2016, 10:59 AM

Awww, both Buddy's heart photo and Molly's snowflake sound beautiful, and yes, hopefully with time the snowflake won't trigger such pain, Sharlene. For us, it was kind of the reverse with Peg's ornament. We made it for her first Christmas when she was only four months old. So it has always been on the tree and it would have felt even worse if it was gone. But it was awfully hard to hang it this year and I feel an ache inside whenever I pass by and look up at it. Bittersweet I guess is really the better description, though, because I am grateful we have it as a reminder of those earlier magical puppy days. I hope that one day you will feel better about Molly's ornament, too.

Ah well, and as for the speakeasy party theme, I love it!! Just tell us when and where, and we'll all be there. ;) :D

Joan2517

12-30-2016, 09:00 AM

That saturation point has been reached where I just wish I could have some alone time. It feels like I haven't had that time since Molly passed to just mourn without people everywhere and someone needing something from me that I no longer feel like I have to give. The unconditional love well feels dry and I know it isn't but it feels that way.

So now I'm mad. Mad that I haven't had that time to say goodbye to her, that there would never have been enough time anyhow to say goodbye or to mourn her not being here. So mad at feeling lost and that there is nothing I or anyone else can do to make it better.

Boy, do I know this feeling, Sharlene...it sucks. 2016 is almost over and Lena has been gone 10 months. I'm afraid to move into the next year, I feel like if I accept it being 2017, I am accepting the fact that she is gone and I just don't want to!

2016 will forever be the year I lost my baby.

My sister gave me a sign for Christmas with beautiful words about the loss of the dogs in our life...but it's not quite right. It speaks of all the dogs I've lost and not this one of my heart; this one loss that has shattered it and won't mend; this one beloved creature who I miss every single day. I think she was surprised that I didn't break down and cry...its beautiful and true, but not quite right.

Sometimes a gift means different things to the giver and receiver. They mean well...I would have bawled like you if anyone had given me an ornament with Lena on it. I have the one from when she was a puppy that has been on the tree since her first Christmas, and that's the only one I need for now.

labblab

12-31-2016, 08:35 AM

2016 will forever be the year I lost my baby.

Oh Joan, it's so true how some milestones become etched into our minds and our hearts.

It's now New Year's Eve and I can't help remembering that it was two years ago today that everything shifted for us and for Peg. Right before that, I had been so grateful about how well she was doing -- seizures under control, GI issues under control, enjoying her walks and her daily routine. But hubby and I went out for a cheery holiday lunch that day with plans to cocoon with the doggie girls that evening. When we got back home, Peg was hobbling profoundly. What could have happened during our lunch, we'll never know. But something went very wrong that day and we were never able to fully fix it again.

And so now in my mind, I guess New Year's Eve will always be linked a bit to that fateful lunch. I'm a little anxious, waiting for another shoe to drop. It's never been my favorite day, anyway. When I was younger, I always wished I had a grand party to attend but seldom did. In recent years, our small gatherings with close friends have also been curbed due to relocations, and illness, and just not wanting to brave the crazies on the road. So it has turned more into a private evening of reflection for me, with tomorrow being the happier day. Once the new year arrives, I close my eyes and cross my fingers and hope for the best! And I try to look forward once again.

But today I am especially missing my shiny black dog. Just like you say, Joan, very soon we'll be entering a new year without her and that just seems so wrong. Through all her adversity, she was so brave and so true to her own self. She handled her limitations so much better than did I. She was, and always will remain, an inspiration to me. But I do miss her so. I wish so much I could hug her one more time as the calendar page turns.

I can't do that, but I can send out my hugs to you all. So stay safe guys, enjoy the holiday as best you can, and I wish us all a fresh 2017 with our memories to sustain us and our hopes to guide us, perhaps down new and even unexpectedly happy paths.

Joan2517

12-31-2016, 09:24 AM

That anxious feeling...I have it all the time, too Marianne. Last New Year's Eve, my husband and I went out to dinner. We had never done that before. Right up the block, not gone long...but if I had known it was going to be Lena's last New Year's I never would have gone. I would have spent it at home with her.

New Year's has never been my favorite either...

Hugs right back at you, Marianne!

And to all my dear friends on this forum, Happy New Year...let's hope its a good one.

addy

12-31-2016, 07:22 PM

Life is funny filled with unexpected turns. I was looking for my pearl necklace, we are going out to dinner tonight and I never wear that necklace. I could not find it, who knows where I put it when we packed up our life a second time within a year. Finally, I saw the gold box with my shoes, yes there is the box containing my necklace and there at the bottom of the box was my old journal.

I wasn't good at keeping a journal. The leather bound book was a Christmas present from a friend. She had made it for me for Christmas 1999. That is the date of the first entry.

I paged through my writings, musings I guess might be more accurate. I smiled as I read each one until I got to the last entry dated February 23, 2011.

I wrote
Zoe/Cushings
Every book I read, I read for you
Every battle I fought, I fought for you
Because I loved you so.

Your mom

I wrote that two years prior to her death-almost to the day.

Her tree is shining not quite as bright tonight and I am choking back tears.

Suddenly this happy night is sad.

Wonder why I found that journal now on New Years Eve?

Well, off I go with my brace face.

Happy New Year dear family. I know your hearts are heavy tonight as well.

But together we face 2017 and together we will all be just fine some way some how.

Budsters Mom

12-31-2016, 09:39 PM

AWWW Addy. I miss her too. I miss all of our babies who have moved on. It's not a particularly happy New Year's Eve for me either.:o You are absolutely right. We will all get through somehow. I spent several hours out doing errands today. I wasn't home five minutes before being screamed at to go to hell. Happy New Year indeed!:o

labblab

01-01-2017, 01:37 PM

Yikes, Kathy! Gotta agree that your New Year's Eve could have stood some improvement...:o

And Addy and Joan, some memories bring comfort but some surely do not. I think that's the odd thing about New Year's for me -- there is always such a jumble of memories for me that I keep swinging back-and-forth between smiling and wanting to burst out crying. Totally unsettling in so many ways. :o :o

Anyway, here we are and now the new year has begun. Sending more love and fond wishes to all our family, newbies and oldies alike!

Budsters Mom

01-01-2017, 10:11 PM

Holidays can be particularly stressful times, even under the best of circumstances. I am thankful that they are over.

Hoping that 2017 brings only love and peace into your homes and hearts. Happy new year all!!!! :p

molly muffin

01-02-2017, 06:11 PM

Awww, Kathy, that is a cruddy thing to happen any time. :(

I'm hoping we all have a wonderful 2017.

The stars were shining brightly in the sky last night, so I went out and had a chat with molly. Seemed the thing to do.

Well drat on finding that journal at that time Addy, but maybe finding it was about more than sadness and loss. Maybe, just maybe it is about being a good mommy who dedicated every moment of her time and heart to finding a way to take care of beautiful Zoe and make sure that she got those years With you and those moments that were particular to just the two of you because of the bond you shared.

The one constant I have noticed on this forum, not just with cushings, because Peg didn't have cushings, Rosie doesn't have cushings, but we still share that one thing.... when something is going on with our furbabies, we dedicate ourselves to discovering all we can and doing whatever we can to make things better for them. There is no casual browsing of a web site, there is full on, dig down into the nitty gritty research.

I have so often said that we feel the loss of a cush pup so much because the disease, the learning and research and then the doing, is all consuming, but maybe it isn't that, and now I am starting to think it isn't the disease so much, as it could be anything, it is who WE are, their caretakers in this life. We give it all and we go the extra mile, no matter what. Cushings, allergies, kidneys, liver, cancer, joints, arthritis, whatever, doesn't matter, it is us who is different, we give our hearts and souls to those who have already given their lives to our hands.

Somehow we do move on from these heart breaking tragedies and maybe it is just the holidays when we take more time to reflect on the loss that we will always feel, so it makes it more difficult that right there in your face, missing from your presence, emptiness.

Rather glad the holidays are past now too and ready to move on to hopefully sunnier memories.

labblab

01-02-2017, 07:18 PM

Sharlene, that was beautifully said! And I do believe you're absolutely right. Absolutely.

Budsters Mom

01-02-2017, 08:35 PM

What you said was perfect Sharlene. :p It is who we are, because not all pet parents are as obsessed with solving problems, as we are. Obsessed in a good way, totally in love and dedicated to our little fur babies. We deal with the hands we are dealt as best we can. This is a Cushings site, which is how we found our home here, but we are more than Cushings parents. It is who we are!!! Well said.;)

So glad you had a nice chat with Molly, Sharlene.

Back to work tomorrow. Did tons of chores over break to catch up, so that's good.

labblab

01-10-2017, 07:35 AM

Well, we are now a full week into the new year and another winter holiday season is behind us. On Sunday we took down the ornaments and drove our tree over to be recycled, so the living room is dark again :o and this holiday cycle truly feels "over" for me now.

I want to thank everybody who posted here this year, and I want to send out a group hug worldwide! And also to remind folks that even though the wreath may be down from the door, our holiday house remains open and available throughout the changing of the seasons. There are many other special days that may feel especially bittersweet to us: Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day especially come to mind. So please feel free, anyone, to stop by again at any time and we'll rejoin you here.

In the meantime, thank you all for helping me through some very rough days myself. And I wish you all peace and comfort during the coming year!

Marianne

molly muffin

01-10-2017, 02:14 PM

Ditto what Marianne said. I don't know what it would have been like if not to have this safe zone to come to during this past holiday season. (i'm glad it's over)

Joan2517

01-10-2017, 02:31 PM

Same here....

labblab

10-12-2017, 06:02 PM

Ahem....drum roll, please!...OK guys, it's time to throw open the doors to our holiday house once again. Drat, we already missed Canadian Thanksgiving, but we've got Halloween coming right up. So here we go.

For any of our newbies, this is a thread where we can come and share our true feelings thru the holidays. Good times, and sad ones too. The holidays can trigger so many memories and so many mixed feelings. And especially when we're missing loved ones, it's good to have a place to come where it's OK to be real. No brave faces, no false smiles. Just real.

Last Halloween was my first without Peg, so I arrived here bright and early at the beginning of October. I REALLY needed a place to talk. I've just now read what I wrote back then, and I'm grateful that the pain is no longer as sharp for me. But I still miss her so very much, and especially at this time of year. My shiny black dog was always at her best at Halloween. So after putting up the decorations today, I just now lit a candle for her on our group page. A shining candle for my shiny black Halloween sweetheart.

So here we are and our house will stay open now, all through the holidays. Whenever anybody wants to stop by, we'll be here!

Marianne

molly muffin

10-13-2017, 09:41 PM

Last halloween was our first without molly too. I get what you mean Marianne, it wasn't the same as when she was here. She hated the doorbell ringing and all the costumes made her bark her head off, but yet she didn't want to miss a one. Halloween felt "quiet" too quiet actually. The nice thing was that it was our grandsons first halloween so that made it better, but I admit I stayed out of the house as much as possible that night.

Expect I'll be popping in and out through the holiday season. I dread Christmas. last year sucked christmas without molly. This year I expect it will still suck and I'm hoping our daughter will have it at her house and then we can leave for somewhere, anywhere warmish, right afterwards. Remember last year they surprised me with the ornament with her picture and I burst into tears? I'm already anticipating the tears when I see it again this year and gently unwrap it to gaze on her precious little face.

ehhh fudge, now I'm all teary. fooey

Joan2517

10-14-2017, 08:03 AM

I have a picture of Lena's ornament on my phone and I look at it whenever I need to see her sweet little face. Truth is, I have tons of pictures in my phone, on my computer, etc. And there are millions in my mind and I pull them up all the time.

I miss my best friend, my confidante, my child...the one who knew me best...my little angel child.

molly muffin

10-14-2017, 11:34 AM

I have a picture of molly as my phone screensaver. I love her face. Then a picture of her framed on my desk, a good size one. I miss her. I don't know Why the ornament did me in. I guess because it was a gift, when I wasn't expecting it or something. Hubby and daughter gave it to me.

molly muffin

10-14-2017, 11:34 AM

Oh did I mention going to be a grandma again and this time it's a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joan2517

10-14-2017, 12:17 PM

Yay! Lucky you! Girls clothes are so much more fun to buy...I would go broke with a granddaughter :)

Budsters Mom

10-15-2017, 12:28 AM

No one should ever have to lose anyone. Our precious angel babies knew our every thought and lived to make us happy. That was their purpose in life. The sheer joy of being welcomed home by someone so completely accepting and in love, is a feeling like no other.

The holidays roll around, which makes us miss them all the more. Family isn't complete without them. It doesn't get easier. At least, not for me.

Joan2517

10-15-2017, 08:27 AM

Me neither....Lee loved the holidays. The decorating, the cooking, the family gatherings. I guess they all do, but she just seemed to understand it more.

labblab

10-15-2017, 05:50 PM

I'm here, too, guys and sorry I haven't been writing more. But I'm having a bout of positional vertigo (inner ear thing), and it's hard for me to drop my head down and look at a keyboard without getting dizzy :( :(. So I'm the one sitting up tall and straight over at the dining room table :o. I can hear everything you all are saying, tho, and hopefully I'll be back to blabbing again in a day or so. ;)

Squirt's Mom

10-16-2017, 11:42 AM

ooooo get better, Marianne! That has got to be miserable.

Congratulations, Sharlene!

molly muffin

10-16-2017, 02:39 PM

Oh Yikes Marianne, that sounds horrible. :( it goes away in a couple days? I hope so!

labblab

10-16-2017, 03:31 PM

It's a fairly common problem where crystals migrate into an area of the ear canal where they shouldn't be and stimulate the nerves. I've had episodes before and the acute phase hasn't lasted too long. But I thought I'd be clever today and try a home treatment to speed things (it involves bending your head different ways to get the crystals to shift), and ended up with the worst vertigo episode I've ever had :o. I still feel pretty barfy right now, so I may just sit back and leave it to heal on its own again...

Joan2517

10-16-2017, 04:05 PM

My husband had to go to the hospital in an ambulance from work from that once. I could hear him barfing from the minute I walked through the ER doors.

molly muffin

10-16-2017, 04:13 PM

wow, you could hear when you walked in! That takes puking your gust out to a whole new level.

Joan2517

10-16-2017, 04:14 PM

He's just a big baby sometimes :)

labblab

10-17-2017, 10:03 AM

Honestly, though, I can really sympathize with him. :o

During that home treatment yesterday, I had the worst episode ever. I fell back flat on the bed, clutching the sheets for dear life because it truly felt like the bed was pitching sideways and trying to buck me off like a bronco :eek:! I was sooooooooooooooo nauseated afterwards. Fortunately I feel much better today. Still afflicted, but basically functional as long as I keep my head level. So I'm ready to join back in the conversation as folks stop by. ;)

molly muffin

10-17-2017, 05:21 PM

Omg, that is awful marianne. I have this thing about beds trying to buck me off like a bronco. It's a no go and needs to keep it's butt still. Bed are not made for bucking. Well, some of those ones you put a quarter in and they vibrate. Had one of those in a hotel once, stuck the quarter in and thought I was going to throw up. Never again. Oh and remember the old water beds? Some of them you had to hang on to as you tried to crawl in to get to sleep. Oh the 80's those were crazy!

Now what was I talking about again? Oh yea, the vertigo, glad you feel better today and I hope each day is an improvement!

Whiskey's Mom

10-30-2017, 01:14 PM

We were absolutely dreading the holidays without Whiskey, he was such a HUGE part of all the festivities. We agreed that we weren't going to decorate for Christmas this year, but I think we will now. Tex will never ever replace him, but we are happy to have a pup here with us again. I will always be "Whiskey's Mom", my first pup, with us through so much. He is still the screen saver on my phone,, and so many other things.
Marianne, I'm so sorry, I had that after a car accident-went to get out of bed a few days later & fell right over! Hope you're on the mend & able to be vertical soon!
Sharlene, you are too funny-congrats on the new Baby Girl! Shop til you drop!

labblab

10-31-2017, 07:53 AM

Annie, it's so great to see you back again -- and especially to hear about Tex!!! It warms my heart to wake up on this Halloween morning and to read about your new addition to the family. Nothing will change or diminish Whiskey's special spot in your heart, or the amount that you miss him. But it can mean so much to have new life around you once again, and especially on a holiday.

Just like last year, Peg's box will be adorned with her orange Halloween collar. And Luna will be proudly wearing her purple collar. We're having the same friends over for dinner and to hand out candy. So it'll be the same bittersweet experience, but hopefully perhaps a bit more sweet than bitter this time around. I'll never, ever forget my shiny black Halloween girl, though. Always in my mind's eye and always in my heart.

Happy Halloween, my sweetie Peg.

labblab

11-18-2017, 03:13 PM

Hi everybody. Well, here we are, heading into Thanksgiving week here in the U.S. Back from the store with my first batch of groceries, and settling down to relax with Luna at my feet. I’m so grateful to have her with me, she is such a sweet little thing. Still missing my big girl, though, just like every day. I truly don’t think a single day passes that I don’t see Peg in my mind’s eye and wish so much that it was for real.

Yet and still, I am grateful for those who remain near and dear to me. We will have a small celebration here at our house on Thursday — hubby, my mom, a cousin, and of course Luna. I’ll cook our family favorites and it should be very cozy and pretty easy-peasy. But also filled with memories of earlier times and loved ones gone. A mixed blessing, but still a blessing for sure.

Please do feel free to stop by, anyone who wishes to, as the week unfolds. In the meantime, I send my warm wishes to all.

Marianne

Joan2517

11-18-2017, 05:47 PM

Oh how I know, Marianne. Same here. Looking forward to it a little. My mom has Alzheimers and won't remember or know anything. But my sister, one of my brothers and my kids, grand-kids will be here and I am so thankful for that. My son, who is HIV+ for 7 years now, and my grandson Josh, who has Chronic Granulomatous Disease are still alive.

My precious, Lee will be forever in my heart and thoughts. This will be Sibbie's second Thanksgiving and I think now that she's older, will have such a good time!

I wish all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Love to all,
Joan

Whiskey's Mom

11-19-2017, 01:32 PM

This will be our first "big" holiday without Whiskey, he will be so badly missed. Last Thanksgiving, he was still a hungry boy and held his spot right by the buffet table, to help keep the floor clean ;), and of course under the dinner table also. Such a sweet presence will be missed forever, but I am grateful for the many blessings we have.
Warm wishes to all of you,
Annie

addy

11-23-2017, 10:01 AM

Happy Thanksgiving to my K9 Family,
The holidays come up so quickly and then leave in a heartbeat.
I am thankful for all of you and all the memories of time spent here is woven into the fabric of my being.
This is the first Thanksgiving without my mom so we are switching it up and we are going out for dinner today which means no work for me. It is bittersweet.

Zoe of course would normally be running around the house filled with excitement so going away means the pain of Knollwood and Zoe is changed too.

We are all well, Koko went to an art auction last week, that was soooo funny. He did not bid on anything, lol.

Thinking of all of you, remembering too.

Happy Turkey Day
Gobble

Addy

labblab

11-23-2017, 07:23 PM

Dear Addy, how lovely to see you here on this day of thanksgiving. Yes indeed, we are bound together by our love and our memories, that’s for sure. I do hope there was pleasure for you in this day, even though it was a different day than treasured celebrations in the past.

I love it that Koko made it to the auction! He is truly our cosmopolitan dog-about-town :-). We’d love to hear more if you’re ever in the mood to share stories about your sweetie pie.

Wishing you the best, Addy, and thanks so much for stopping by!
Love, Marianne

Budsters Mom

11-23-2017, 10:59 PM

Hi Addy (waving wildly!!)!

I have missed our old gang so much! Thank you for dropping in. It is so lovely to hear from you. You should have let Koko Puff bid. That would've been a hoot!

So many changes for all of us. Would love to hear from you more.

Many hugs,
Kathy

Squirt's Mom

11-24-2017, 10:08 AM

aw Addy, always so very good to hear from you any time of the year. These ties that bind us and the memories we share are cherished by many. As are you and sweet Koko. I hope your holidays are joyful!

Hugs,
Leslie

labblab

12-05-2017, 05:33 PM

Just found out this morning that Peg’s first friend, another black retriever, was released last weekend. Stella was almost 18 — an amazing age for a big dog. She was rescued from wandering around a deserted parking lot on a cold Christmas Eve all those years ago. I believe she was a Christmas angel sent to her adopted dad. She was surely his heart dog. They walked over at the lake every morning, just as we did. And when Peg was a baby puppy, Stella was her first pal. They ran and romped together on the baseball field, and walked alongside us around the lake. Peg grew to be much bigger than Stella, but she always remained Stella’s baby puppy at heart. Nobody and nothing brought greater joy to Peg than spotting Stella arriving, off in the distance. She would race to greet her, as fast as her feet could fly.

It was such a loss for us all when Peg could no longer go to the lake. And now it had been a while since I’d seen Stella, as well. Just too hard for aging hips and legs. I saw Lou get out of his truck this morning, all by himself. And he told me that our girls are now back together once again.

She came to him at Christmas and now she physically left him again at Christmas, after 18 years of love and joy. My heart breaks for him, and it is a hard day for me, too. I believe Stella will always remain his Christmas angel in spirit, just as Barkis and Peg are mine. But that doesn’t keep our tears from falling. Our beautiful shiny black dogs. Running together once again on strong healthy legs. Best friends forever and ever. Always in our hearts.

Harley PoMMom

12-06-2017, 06:11 AM

So sorry, Marianne. (((Hugs)))

Joan2517

12-06-2017, 07:00 AM

Awww, Marianne, such wonderful memories. Poor Lou. Christmas will be hard for him. It is for all of us. I found Lee's Xmas dress the other day, the one she wore that last Xmas. I almost thought of letting Sibbie wear it, but no...I just held it to my face and tried to find some scent of my little angel. There isn't any left, so I just cried and put it out where I can see it.

molly muffin

12-06-2017, 08:39 AM

I'm so sorry Marianne. Christmas angels. What a wonderful way to think of the two girls roaming and playing together. I bet they play at the doggie lake together, even now.

labblab

12-06-2017, 09:05 AM

Thanks so much, guys. This news is hitting both me and hubby pretty hard. Lots of tears around our house last night when he got home from work and we talked and remembered together. He sent a text off to Lou as soon as I told him the news, and that really got us going. I’m still pretty weepy this morning. The end of an era, that’s for sure. And especially sad for Lou (for us all!) to lose Stella now at Christmastime. But I guess that was the journey she was meant to take, and all of us alongside her. Yup, Christmas angels for sure.

spdd

12-06-2017, 10:54 AM

So sorry to read this. It still amazes me what can bring us to tears when we remember our oh so sweet babies. Just this morning, while workers were in my "spooky basement" and the only time I'll venture down there alone I came across all of Keesh's tags and his collar. I did the same and smelled the collar, and I want to believe there was a trace, but I know different. Christmas holds so many memories..... hopefully time will help you. Thinking of you and sure know how you feel.

DoxieMama

12-06-2017, 11:06 AM

Aww. I'm so sorry.

Run free, sweet Stella. Have fun with Peg!! :)

mommyslittlegirl

12-06-2017, 12:44 PM

So sorry Marianne . No words but sending you a super big hug .

Squirt's Mom

12-06-2017, 02:09 PM

I am so sorry, Marianne. You all have such wonderful memories of your babies together...I hope they help bring some peace in time. I am sure Peg was there to greet Stella and they are now ripping thru the Rainbow Fields glad to be reunited while they wait for their moms and dads.

(((((((((((((((Hugs!!!)))))))))))))))))

Budsters Mom

12-06-2017, 09:20 PM

I'd like to think that Stella was always a Christmas angel, sent down to be with Lou. She arrived at Christmas to be paired with her soul mate. Then she returned to heaven when it was her time to move on, right before another Christmas. It's possible that was the devine plan all along.

Yes, I'm sure that Peg and Stella are united once again. Right along with the rest of our Cush angels.

My heart goes out to everyone who knew Stella. It will be a very hard, sad Christmas for Lou.

Kathy

apollo6

12-06-2017, 11:22 PM

Just checking in on my sweet family , Hi to Andy and my old group. Love Sonja and Apollo

labblab

12-11-2017, 09:15 AM

Well, we got an early Christmas present here in north Georgia — six inches of snow!! It’s been perfect and beautiful:-). Started on Friday morning and snowed through Saturday morning. Luna has loved romping in the snow, although she was scared by a big snowman that the kids built across the street. Too funny!! The snowfall was bittersweet for me, though, because I kept picturing Peg outside in our rare snowfalls of the past. The flakes always looked so beautiful on her shiny black coat, and she loved to scoop up big mouthfuls as she raced around the yard. Missing her so much all weekend, especially since we finally got the Christmas tree hauled inside the house and put up in the stand. I started decorating yesterday and will finish today. But you all know how that feels. Again, so bittersweet. Right now, the house seems filled with ghosts of Christmas past. Hoping to feel cheerier as we get closer to the holiday itself. I keep telling myself that every new day is a gift that ought not to be wasted. If only every day actually ended up feeling that way...

Budsters Mom

12-11-2017, 11:00 AM

Sounds lovely and bittersweet Marianne. Yes, holidays are not always filled with joy for many of us.

I won't be decorating or putting up a tree. It's the first time ever! I fractured my back mid September and have been wearing a spinal brace that encircles my entire torso, so I'm frankly physically unable to do the work that involves Christmas set up this year. Even though my heart is usually not into the holidays, for various reasons, I usually do it anyway, for my folks to enjoy. This year it is just too much! I am working through the 21st, before I go off on break. Yes, working while wearing the brace. There are many more challenges with my folks and just keeping up with their needs has been very difficult and exhausting. So, something has to give, and it looks like it's going to be Christmas. Hopefully my folks will still be around to enjoy next Christmas.

Joan2517

12-11-2017, 04:44 PM

Those braces are a nuisance for sure. I wore one when I was a teenager for Scoliosis. It didn't straighten my back so I had surgery and had to wear a body cast instead! For nine months!! Isn't there anyone who can help you with a tree, Kathy? You could just sit and point!

Six inches, Marianne! We only got about three. Gable was out there eating it, he loves the snow. Sibbie kept trying to figure out what was in there that he was enjoying so much. She kept digging and sticking her whole head in, coming up all white! You could just see her wondering what he was after. It was very funny to watch.

Lena was so small, three inches were mountains to her, but she still got around. I used to get so nervous at night because she blended in and I couldn't see her, and because of my back I couldn't risk falling in the backyard. So many memories. She would come in with the snow stuck to her in mounds! We had to melt it off, which she loved. All cuddled up in a towel with me squeezing all the snowballs trying to get them to melt faster. I can't believe this will be our second Xmas without her. It was two years ago this week that she was diagnosed and started the Vetoryl. So many things I wish I had known then...so many things I would have done different. I still feel so guilty that I wasn't there with her when she died.

labblab

12-12-2017, 08:39 AM

Yikes Kathy, a broken back does not sound good AT ALL!! Hopefully it is mending! I totally understand about ditching the Christmas tree. I have a bum knee — will find out tomorrow if I need an arthroscopic repair — and I was so worried about wrenching it even worse while we put up our tree. But I managed it OK, thank goodness.

Hey Joan, I had to wear one of those awful braces due to scoliosis, too! I have very bad memories from that time period, that’s for sure. Just when you’re already self-conscious and wanting to be “cute” and blend in with trendy clothes and trendy activities, you’re saddled with that monstrosity of a brace. Truthfully, it was such an awful time for me that I’ve repressed a lot of memories from back then. At least I was spared surgery, too, though. I’ve still got quite an S-curve, but thankfully no back pain (knock on wood!).

Joan2517

12-12-2017, 09:06 AM

I must confess, Marianne, that I did not wear the brace like i was supposed too! I would take it off and hide it in the garage, go to school, then put it back on before i went in the house...bad Joan! Lol! The surgery worked, I still have two steel rods in my back. My parents didn't find out until years later that they were supposed to come out! So they are now firmly embedded in my spine.

Yes, as a teenager in high school, it was very difficult. I couldn't wash my hair by myself, my mom had to do it for me while I lay on top of the ironing board with my head in the kitchen sink! I had to wear maternity clothes to fit over the cast. I couldn't wash anywhere inside the cast...used lots of perfume! Was always terrified I would fall. But I survived it all and can look back and laugh at some of the stupid things I did while wearing that cast!

labblab

12-12-2017, 09:20 AM

Oh my yes, worrying about tripping or falling on steps and ending up like a turtle thrashing around on its back!!!!! Out of the couple hours each day I was allowed out of the dreaded brace, I picked P.E. classes. I was no great athlete, but just wanted the other girls to see I wasn’t “broken,” if that makes sense.

I honestly don’t even remember how I got my hair washed — one of those memories I’ve repressed, I guess. And what a wardrobe — lots of stretchy pleated skirts and big boatneck sweators. Ugly, ugly, ugly!

I wonder if treatment has advanced. I’m gonna ask the orthopedist tomorrow if they’ve improved on those awful braces.

Well, Joan, who’d a thunk we’d be “S” sisters ;-)))))))))! Imagine that! HA!

Joan2517

12-12-2017, 10:38 AM

I know, Sister!

I think it has improved immensely. I read about it a while ago, but have forgotten.

mommyslittlegirl

12-12-2017, 12:01 PM

I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas. We got a little snow which is very rare where I live in Texas. I still can’t put up a tree or decorate . I use to love Christmas with my baby. We would share sugar cookies and she would bark and paw at her presents. I would show her the lights on the tree and her eyes seem to sparkle. I miss her so much . I love her so much. All I want for Christmas is you , my baby. May my family here and their fur babies have a very nice Christmas . And the ones who have lost theirs , be comforted my the sweet and precious memories of the Christmas past.

Joan2517

12-12-2017, 02:56 PM

Oh, Dawn...how sweet. Lee's eyes used to twinkle too. We would just lay on the couch and watch the lights on the tree Christmas Eve after everyone had left and I had put the presents out for Christmas morning. It was our special time together, just us. Everyone else was asleep. I miss that...I miss her, all the time. She would make herself comfortable on all the Christmas paper as the presents were opened...I don't know why she liked that so much. My little gift-wrapped angel.

Merry Christmas, Dawn...I wish I could help you feel better somehow.

Budsters Mom

12-12-2017, 09:00 PM

I'm sure those dreaded spinal braces have improved dramatically since you both needed to wear one. My fracture occured 3 months ago. The brace isn't really that bad, except it chokes me when I need to sit down, due to a steel rod down the front. I am constantly having to adjust it, which means reaching into my clothes.I wear an undershirt, then the brace, then a overshirt. I can't wear a bra with it, which makes me feel really self conscious. On weekends, I skip the overshirt. It is much more comfortable that way. Yes, the look! Thank goodness I don't care about that stuff any more. I look like a hunchback, with a huge hump on top. The kids at work have gotten used to me wearing it and help me when I ask them. They are great at picking up things off of the floor that I'm constantly dropping and slowing down in lines, when I need them to.

We are hoping that my fracture heals, but will take twice as long as normal, if it does. I have osteoporosis, which means weak, crappy bones. I am having a battery of tests done because I had another fracture after being on osteoporosis treatment. I broke my ankle five years ago by just twisting it while I was walking. I'm not sure how my back fracture occured. There was no trama. It started hurting and was found during an urgent care visit. I am now going to be seeing and endocrinologist, to help sort everything out. The thyroid affects the way that calcium and phosphorus are absorbed in the body. My spinal surgeon is pushing for answers/solutions. He has much pull, so now things are getting done. Specialists are being held accountable. Surgery will only be done as a last resort. More damage could be done, since my bones are already weak and brittle. So, as of now, I am seeing my GP, a spinal surgeon, a osteoporosis/bone specialist, and will be seeing an endocrinologist. I am VERY THANKFUL for good school district health insurance!!! So yes, Setting up a Christmas tree is out this year!

I hope all goes well with your knee Marianne.

Kathy

Joan2517

12-13-2017, 07:22 AM

Wow!! That's a lotta doctors! Someone should be able to get to the bottom of it all. The cast used to be up around my neck like a neru collar. I was getting my ears pierced one time from a woman across the street, my grandmother was going to have hers done and talked me and my sister into it. When my neighbor pushed the needle in one lobe I leaned so far over that I cut off my breathing and passed out. She was a nurse, so no one panicked, but that was the end of that...one ear almost pierced! I finally got them done when I turned 50! LOL!

I personally hate wearing bras, so any excuse not to wear one works for me. They sit right on the spot wear the rods end and irritate me.

labblab

12-15-2017, 07:22 AM

That’s a lotta doctors for sure, Kathy :-(((((. I hope you start getting some answers ASAP, as well as a decent treatment plan! Getting old sucks, generally. But getting old with health problems REALLY sucks. In honesty, I’ve been really lucky through the years, but just within the last six months my body has finally started to feel “old” with all sorts of miscellaneous aches and pains. It’s a bummer. I don’t really know how I injured my knee, either. But Wednesday’s report is that I have a torn meniscus that may or may not heal on its own. Assuming it doesn’t worsen, we’re gonna give it another couple of months before going in for a surgical repair. But the “assuming it doesn’t worsen” part will be key because if I take a mis-step and retwist it, I’m dead meat. Please tell that to Miss Luna when I’ve got her out on the leash and she sees a squirrel...or a bird...or a person...or another dog...or a leaf blowing...

Well, it’s now been a week since our glorious snowfall. We still have a few small piles of snow in sheltered areas, and the remnants of the largest snowmen still dot the neighborhood. In contrast, though, the weirdest thing is that all the petunias in my windowbox are still alive and even blooming! That is way odd for us this time of year. Even after snow and nights in the mid-20s, those happy petunias just keep lifting their heads each morning and bloom away, right next to the Christmas wreath. It makes me think of Addy’s signature line about memory being the power to gather roses in winter. I guess my petunias are there to remind me that unexpected gifts can be revealed, even in the midst of hard times. So there you have it — my morning moment of reflection to start off our day ;-).

Joan2517

12-15-2017, 07:40 AM

Marianne, one sign that our fur babies are still with us and communicating with us, is flowers blooming when or where they shouldn't be. I don't know if you believe in signs from our beloved pets, but it could be Peg letting you know she's still with you. That's the first thing I thought when I read your post.

Last year we had an Iris blooming in November when it shouldn't have been. It was lilac fringed with purple. We named it Lena's Iris.

labblab

12-15-2017, 07:55 AM

Awwwwwwwww Joan. What a supremely sweet thought and suggestion. Peg’s Petunias. I love it!

I hope you will see another flower this winter, too, my friend.

mommyslittlegirl

12-15-2017, 10:37 PM

Oh Joan ,you do help me feel better. My baby and your baby were so much alike.I like talking about her. I do think like you ,that in a way they are still with us . And send us signs .When you talked about the flowers , my heart felt joy . I planted a miniature rose bush for my baby .it is a bubblegum pink . It blooms year round most of the time . The thing about it ,it always blooms in roses of two .Always so close together . I think it's a sign from my baby of our everlasting love we shared and still do .although at times it makes me cry ,it makes me feel happy . Mommy loves you baby .

Joan2517

12-16-2017, 07:18 AM

I think it is, Dawn...two hearts always together. It must be beautiful! Upload a picture I would love to see it...why don't you dry some and make something special for her.

I am busy decorating my tree. All of Lena's ornaments surround a picture of her. Her special ornaments, the carriage that she rode in in Williamsburg when she was 1 1/2, all the poodle ornaments we gave her, the ones she (I) gave to her Daddy, and the memorial ones after she left us.

I'm thinking I should do paw print ornaments of the rest of them while they are still here. I have her prints from the ER that they did after she died, before they brought her sweet little body to me. I am still waiting for my husband to paint it, but I think he just can't. Maybe I'll do it myself. This is my second Christmas without her.

I'm going to start making my Xmas Shortbreads either today or Monday. Ever since Lee died, I decide not to do them, but then I remember how much she loved it. As soon as my big mixer came out, she would park herself in the kitchen at my feet waiting for a taste of the dough, which she got from each batch! I used to bring one of her beds into the kitchen so she wouldn't have to sit on the cold, hard floor. Another special time with my little angel.

I think our girls are together watching over us and looking forward to the time we will be reunited.

Merry Christmas, dear Dawn.

labblab

12-16-2017, 07:58 AM

...I planted a miniature rose bush for my baby .it is a bubblegum pink . It blooms year round most of the time . The thing about it ,it always blooms in roses of two .Always so close together . I think it's a sign from my baby of our everlasting love we shared and still do .although at times it makes me cry ,it makes me feel happy . Mommy loves you baby .
Dear Dawn, I know there are such things as “Sweetheart Roses.” Whether or not the bush you planted is officially such a rose, it surely is one in spirit! You and your baby are two sweethearts joined forever, just like the roses. Like Joan says, your roses sound beautiful, and perfect just like your sweet baby girl. Thank you for telling us about your roses. They make me smile and warm my own heart on this chilly winter morning!

Love, Marianne

labblab

12-25-2017, 06:45 AM

Another Christmas morning is here, and once again, Luna and I are the first ones awake. It is still dark aside from the twinkling lights on the tree. They are so beautiful, and they remind me of all the sweet spirits who have brightened my llfe. Merry Christmas to all our family. Merry Christmas to all our beloved, whether physically present or physically absent. May this day be filled with comfort and healing thoughts and prayers. May the ache in our hearts be soothed by precious memories. Even though genuine happiness may elude us in the midst of our loss, may the past and present merge for us all in a shining moment of peacefulness. “All is calm, All is bright.”

Merry Christmas to our K9C Family, around the world and back again!
Marianne

mommyslittlegirl

12-25-2017, 11:19 AM

Merry Christmas Marianne . And to all my family here.

labblab

12-26-2017, 07:24 AM

Thank you so much, Dawn. Sending my warmest wishes right back at you!!

Joan2517

12-26-2017, 08:04 AM

I hope my family here had a wonderful Christmas! Sad memories, good memories are what life is all about. But we are a strong group here, we've all lost ones we love and are working hard to keep the babies we still have safe and healthy. I think we can get through most anything after going through Cushings's. It's a terrible, heartbreaking disease and it puts us and our pets through the wringer: the testing. the food challenges, the vet bills, and the ups-and-downs. But we do get through it, scarred, but we go on.

I am so thankful for all the friends I've made here. I don't know how I would've gotten through this with Lena if it hadn't been for all of you.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love,
Joan

spdd

12-31-2017, 05:43 AM

I'm a little late posting for Christmas, flew back to Ontario to be with family. Home now and hoping everyone had a very Merry Christmas. Today is New Years Eve, it will be quiet around here just another evening for me. Guess it's because I worked so many New Years Eves, I welcome the quietness. So Happy New Year to all of our family here at K9C and may the new year bring happiness, peace and comfort to those who have lost our babies and to those battling the disease. HAPPY NEW YEAR - Everyone.

labblab

12-31-2017, 08:31 AM

Hey Joan and Judi, thanks so much to you both for writing. It’s going to be very quiet here at our house, too. Just my mom joining us for today and tomorrow, and no special plans other than cocooning around the TV to watch old movies, football, and to stay warm. Compared to those of you further north, we have nothing to complain about, but still, this coming week will be plenty cold for us. My mind always turns to worry over the humans and animals who are stuck outdoors — I sure hope that there will be shelter for all who need it.

New Year’s Eve is always kind of a poignant time of reflection for me, and it looks as though today will be no exception. Overnight, I dreamed about one of my best friends who passed away a couple of years ago. In my dream, she looked so well, and told me that she was doing much better with her treatment. It was so wonderful to see her. But then when I woke up my eyes were filled with tears, realizing it was indeed only a dream. As I age, there are more loved ones absent than are present, that’s for sure. Partly that’s my own bad, because I have become fairly reclusive and could get off my butt and involve myself in more community activity that would hopefully lead to new friendships. Tomorrow, New Year’s Day, will more likely be my time for looking forward and making those kinds of resolutions. But today and tonight, my mind turns backward. And missing so many, so dearly. There’s such an ache inside me for them all.

And that’s why I’m so grateful for my friends here at K9C. I thank you for supporting me here, every single day. I wish you my very best in the coming year. May 2018 truly be a most happy new year for our entire family!

addy

12-31-2017, 04:45 PM

Stopping in to wish you all Happy Holidays.

The New Year can be a time of much reflection, years past, years to come. I read a quote recently: change is hard in the beginning, messy in the middle and glorious at the end. I stopped to wonder about that glorious ending as it seems for me it stays messy a long time.

This year is the first year since losing Zoe that her bird tree stands in all its glory, fully adorned and magnificent, gracing our living room.

This year is the first year that I can appreciate and love Zoe’s tree’s beauty, feeling my little girl’s essence in every twinkling light and loving every minute of its glory.

So perhaps it may be that glorious ending I could not seem to find was because I was looking for it in the wrong places or perhaps did not even want to find the ending.

We are going out for the evening as we did last year. After spending many years at home, mostly asleep, I find myself craving a celebration to start the New Year. Off we go in the bitter, bitter cold to ring in 2018.

Love to you all, memories held close of all we have lost, and my hopes you might find a glorious ending in an unexpected place.

And if not glory, may we all find peace.

Budsters Mom

12-31-2017, 10:40 PM

So glad you put up Zoe's bird tree Addy. When I close my eyes, I can picture it in all it's glory.

I'm not doing anything special for New Years Eve. I will probably be sound asleep long before midnight.

We need Sharlene to report in, so we can live vicariously through her. Happy New Year all!

Kathy

apollo6

12-31-2017, 11:44 PM

Wishing you a better New Years. Too many sleepy New Years at home. Maybe next year go out New Years Eve. Will probably be asleep when the clock ticks Midnight. When did I get so old? My Apollo has visited through Humming birds flying up to me and my Mom. Saying I'm okay Mom and watching over you. Miss my boy every day.
Love Sonja, Apollo, Karma
And our two rescues Ariel and Kristen

labblab

01-01-2018, 11:42 AM

Well, ladies, here we are turning the page and starting out with a fresh calendar. Hey Kathy and Sonja, I figured I’d be joining you in slumberland early last night. But I hung on and actually watched the TV ball dropping in icy Times Square. A small achievement, but I did it ;-).

And Addy, how good to hear from you. I’m soooooooo happy for your (our!) joy over Zoe’s tree, and I hope you and hubby had a swell time last night :-). I was especially taken by these words you wrote, and on this first fresh day of a new year, they’ve really got me thinking. Yesterday I was so mired down in absences that I couldn’t imagine a world absent a connection with that pain. But truly, the ending of one story may herald the beginning of another, if only the right bridge can be built.

So perhaps it may be that glorious ending I could not seem to find was because I was looking for it in the wrong places or perhaps did not even want to find the ending...

...Love to you all, memories held close of all we have lost, and my hopes you might find a glorious ending in an unexpected place..

So maybe I can work on my bridge-building skills this year. I’m thinking that sounds like a pretty good new year’s resolution. Starting out, though, it’s time for a brisk walk at the lake with Luna followed by some fortified eggnog and the Rose Parade. Those are a couple traditions I’m going to hold on to!

Budsters Mom

01-01-2018, 03:09 PM

Well, I made it up till well past midnight also! Stumbled across a new series on Netflix and I ended up watching several episodes in a row. It's a British drama based in the late 50's, early 60's. Who would've thought? The next thing I knew fire crackers were going off and horns were honking. Happy/probably drunk neighbors were out in the street screaming Happy New Year.

No deep reflections from me. Frankly, I'm not that deep! Hoping that 2018 is better than 2017, with more love, joy and happiness for all!

labblab

01-08-2018, 08:20 AM

Well, for our house, it’s the close of another winter holiday season. The Christmas tree ornaments were safely packed away yesterday, and our tree joined the others at the recycling center to be transformed into mulch for trails and gardens. That always makes me feel at least a little better about taking it away. A little, but not much. I really miss the glow of the twinkling lights on this cold January morning, and the living room seems so empty again. But it is what it is, and the pages on my new calendar start turning again. Every year we buy an old-fashioned paper calendar of daily pages with photos of Labs. We love seeing a new doggie face every morning. So now the 2018 calendar is on the shelf, and another new page gets turned this morning.

Once again, I want to thank everyone for stopping by this year. Having our holiday house here has come to mean a lot to me, and it has helped me through some very hard times. I hope the same is true for others, as well. And as I always say, the door here is also open throughout the rest of the year, too. There are plenty of other holidays in addition to the ones we’ve just celebrated. So until we talk again, I wish everyone my best.

With hugs to all,
Marianne

labblab

10-07-2018, 05:17 PM

I know I say this every year, but how is it possible that the months can fly by so quickly???? Here we are once again, with October upon us as well as the beginning of the autumn holiday season. I am so happy that I’ve finally managed to open the doors to our holiday house this year in time to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving! So for all our Canadian members, we hope that tomorrow will be a very special time for you all.

Having said that, however, we realize that all the holidays can be associated with all kinds of emotion and memories. Some are joyful, others not so much. So I’m going to repeat part of the welcome that I posted last year.

For any of our newbies, this is a thread where we can come and share our true feelings thru the holidays. Good times, and sad ones too. The holidays can trigger so many memories and so many mixed feelings. And especially when we're missing loved ones, it's good to have a place to come where it's OK to be real. No brave faces, no false smiles. Just real.

So here we are and here we’ll stay, all through the holidays. Our table is always set. We’re here to laugh together and to cry together. We’re here to honor the friendship and understanding among our own little K9C family, and I hope our holiday home will always feel like a safe harbor to all. Any time. We’ll be here.

Welcome!
Marianne

labblab

10-08-2018, 07:38 AM

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to all our members up north :-)))))))))))))

Marianne

addy

11-22-2018, 10:15 AM

Happy Thanksgiving dear family!

I hope this post finds you all well.

I imagine a great feast taking place at the rainbow bridge while all our pups look down on us, hoping to see a smile and hear our laughs.

Koko is 11 or 12 and is doing well. I was going to post some pixes but the files are too large so I will have to try to resize them. Koko still loves to travel and loves going to hotels. He is still the most grateful dog and so sweet. My brother added a puppy to his family and though Brody is larger than Koko, they have a great time playing. I am thankful Koko has a dog friend to play with and relate to.

I am still working, no retirement yet, lol. Hard to leave after 30 years and I can’t leave the work dogs just yet.

I may not stop by very often, it is still very hard as Zoe memories come flooding back and the memories of all those precious pups I knew so well that are with her.

Please know you are all always in my heart.

labblab

11-22-2018, 11:52 AM

Oh Addy, how wonderful to see you back with us today!!! Ever since awakening this morning, I’ve been thinking of all our angels, too. It’s a day of Thanksgiving for so many things, most especially a day of thanks for all the joy and love that our dear fur babies brought into our lives. And thankfulness, too, for the friendships that bind our little family together here.

I love it that Coco is still enjoying his life and his travels! Please give him a great big hug from his Auntie Marianne. And of course I am sending a great big hug to you, as well! Thanks so much for stopping by today, Addy. We love you!

Squirt's Mom

11-23-2018, 10:11 AM

What a wonderful surprise! It is so good to hear from you again, Addy! I, too, believe all our babies are together in the Rainbow Fields watching over us as they play together, waiting for that day when we will be reunited. It brings me comfort to think of them so - whole and well and strong and happy together.

I am glad Koko is doing well and pray his continues to do so, filling your life with purpose and joy for a very long time to come.
Stop by when you can and always know you are remembered and loved by your family here always.

Hugs,
Leslie

labblab

12-01-2018, 09:05 AM

Well, it’s a very rainy December 1st here in my part of the world. We’ve been having unseasonably cold weather for the past week, so I was rooting for some snow. But yesterday the winds shifted and all this warmer moisture is heading up from the Gulf. Even though Luna is happy to splash in the puddles and get all wet and muddy (typical Lab :-), her mom is not. So I’m guessing there’ll be no walks today. Poor puppy girl!

We had a small, quiet, very lovely Thanksgiving — just Luna, hubby, my mom, and me. I think Christmas will be quiet, too, which is just fine with me. We have our tree soaking in a bucket of water in the basement and probably will wait until next weekend to put it up. We always leave it up until recycling day comes around after New Year’s, so that’s a pretty long stretch to try to keep it fresh once it’s upstairs in the heat.

Me being me, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about absent family and friends, including friends made here over the years on the forum. So many dear ones from all over the world! It’s been pretty quiet on the forum lately, and I miss those doggies and their parents very much. But the trade-off has been the delight of knowing them all during the time they were here. That has been so special, always.

Lately it seems I’ve been dreaming a lot, too, about dear ones who’ve passed. I got to hug Peg again last week, and I was stunned because even in my dream I knew it couldn’t/shouldn’t really be happening. It felt so wonderful to touch her warm fur, but it was so fleeting — and I was so stunned — that I had no chance to really savor it. In a way, it just made me miss her more when I woke up. Just now I dreamed I was chatting with a friend who passed a couple of years ago. It was more extended and felt so good while it was happening. But again, now I’m awake and I miss her so much in my “real” life. But maybe that’s where I’m missing the boat. Maybe I’m missing the connection. Maybe the dreams are just trying to show me that nobody we love is ever truly absent from us in spirit. Just like that wonderful quote of Leslie’s. But still, I wish for more. I am greedy and perhaps ungrateful for the very gifts I’ve been given.

So it’s a quiet rainy morning to start off December. It’s a quiet rainy morning that gives me plenty of time to think, which for me is sometimes good and sometimes not so much...

Joan2517

12-02-2018, 09:56 AM

I wish Lena would come to me, Marianne. If she has, I've forgotten the dream as I wake up. I would love to feel her in my arms again and kiss her sweet little face; hear her sigh as she would settle close to my heart; hold her up and kiss her potbelly. I get plenty of signs, but I would just love to hold her again.

It's been raining here too. My guys all come in from the backyard with their muddy paws! I shouldn't complain, right now they are all well, no one has had to go to the vet in weeks. I looked out the back door yesterday and Gable was standing on top of a trunk we put the outdoor cushions in. I took some pictures, but can't get them to upload. He is really feeling his oats lately! I put a chair closer to him so he wouldn't jump off and break anything. He always liked to be up high so he could see everything. He used to climb the playground steps and sit on top before this all started.

I bought Sibbie a new Xmas dress. She will look adorable. Doree can wear Sibbie's from last year. I miss seeing my two girls in their Christmas tee shirts. I just can't bring myself to have Sibbie wear Lee's.

Other than that, we're getting ready for Christmas. I'm not decorating as much as I used to, I just don't have the energy after my 3 1/2 hour commute to/from the city every day, plus I'm getting too old to do it all myself. It's time to tone down!

Merry Christmas, my dear friend...and to all of my dear friends here on the forum!

mommyslittlegirl

12-14-2018, 04:39 PM

Hi to my friends and family here. November 16 was my third year without my baby . I miss her and love her so much . I still cry every day for her . Sometimes a few tears and other days a flood opens up . But now another heartbreak in my life has come . The sweet man I was engaged to passed away Thanksgiving Eve . He was only 45 . How does one go on ? How does one celebrate the holidays ? I truly hope my family here has a great holiday season . And please give thanks to the people and pets in your life . We never know how long we will have them .

labblab

12-14-2018, 06:30 PM

Oh my dear Dawn! I’m stunned to read this news about your fiancé! I am sorry beyond words to read about this new heartbreak in your life. There can be such joy and beauty in life, but also such sorrow and pain. It seems so incredibly unfair that you should be dealt this new blow. Thank you so much for coming back to tell your family here. We’re standing right beside you, once again and always. Always in support of you, and always in loving memory of the sweethearts who have been lost to you on this earth. May the circle of love remain unbroken, though. I do believe, in my heart of hearts, that love is forever. And forever loving, and forever loved, you shall be.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs, my dear friend.
Marianne

Joan2517

12-14-2018, 07:43 PM

Oh Dawn, how sad! I'm so sorry.

We are celebrating differently this year. My mom who has Alzheimer's has been in and out of the hospital and rehab for the last couple of months and probably won't be able to come to our house Xmas Eve like she usually does. My sister and her family will come anyway, and one of my brothers who does not celebrate the holidays, will stay with my mom...it will be different.

I started making my shortbreads last week and could only think of how much Lena loved them. I missed having her sitting in her bed in the kitchen waiting for a taste of the dough from each batch. When I Skyped with Melissa, the animal medium, the summer after Lena died, she said that Lena was telling her something about some special bread that Lena liked. At the time I said bagels, because I couldn't figure out what she meant. It wasn't until Christmas when I started making the shortbreads that I realized what it was. Every year I say I'm not going to make them anymore, but my baby loved them and I can't disappoint her.

i thought you might enjoy that story, Dawn. I hope it makes you smile and realize that our loved ones never really leave us.

Love,
Joan

mommyslittlegirl

12-21-2018, 10:10 PM

Thank you Marianne and Joan .Wishing everyone a nice Christmas.

spdd

12-23-2018, 03:10 AM

Dawn I am so very sorry to read your news. You wonder sometimes just how much in this life of bad things can be thrown at you before you cannot take anymore. Somehow we go on though, plod through and somewhere, sometime life is worth it again. I cannot believe the struggle some us are dealt. My heartfelt sympathies are with you especially this time of year.

On another note, I actually dropped by the forum to wish the absolute wonderful family here a Very Merry Christmas, and only the very best in the New Year.

It is still difficult for me to come on here, you would think after 4 years it would be easier, and I guess it is a little, but all in all still a heartache.

Ok.... enough of the sadness for now.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE......REMEMBER THE REASON FOR THE SEASON.

mommyslittlegirl

12-31-2018, 12:57 PM

Thank you Judi. I know you understand . I am tired of sadness and pain . No more fur babies or loves for me . Hope everyone will have a Happy New Year . A coming year of good health , happiness and peace .

labblab

01-01-2019, 07:30 AM

Dear Judi and Dawn,

Thank you so much for all your well wishes, and I join in wishing our K9C family much peace and comfort in this new year. So many challenges are faced by so many of us, and the love and support of our dear little family helps to carry us all through together. I wish only the best for us all.

Happy New Year, indeed!

Love, Marianne

labblab

01-22-2019, 10:27 AM

I know our winter holiday season is now far behind us, but it’s not until today that I’ll be packing away my own decorations. And I wanted to add one more note here to explain why I’ve been so scarce during the past month. I was feeling so good about being well-prepared for Christmas this year — the tree was up, the presents bought, the cards had been sent, the menus were planned. And then, one week beforehand, I pulled up the last email I was ever to receive from my beloved mom. At age 99, she was still sharp as a tack, and we emailed back and forth every day. The email title was “A matter of concern...” and she proceeded to tell me that she had awakened that morning frighteningly short of breath. Didn’t call me, mind you — but emailed me so as not to worry me unduly. The rest of the past month is a blur. Something catastrophic had gone wrong with her heart and she was way beyond wanting any intervention. So we enlisted hospice, she told them exactly what she did and did not want to have done, we loved on her 24/7, and during the early morning hours of Sunday, she relinquished her hold on this world. I like to think she had a front row seat for the lunar eclipse that night. She would have loved that.

She was not only my mother, she was my best friend. Only now am I finally allowing some of the pain to set in, and I will miss her so dearly. For so many reasons, it will be so bittersweet to pack away the decorations today for the Christmas that was not to be. A blink of an eye, and the holidays are gone this year along with my mom. There is still a lot to be done, and it’ll be a while before I’m back here again in full force. But I’ve still been reading and following along with my family here, and I still wish everybody my best for whatever lies ahead of us in this new year to come. Truly, peace and comfort and love remain my hope for us all until the day comes that we reopen the doors to our holiday house once again.

addy

01-30-2019, 05:56 PM

Dearest Marianne,

Today I have been going through stories I have written, thoughts of mine, snippets through the years. I came across a letter I had written the first Christmas I spent without my mother. It gave me pause and reflection.

I took a break and decided to stop by the forum. I saw your last post and my heart sank with sadness, reading it.

Nothing prepares us for the loss of our mother, no matter how long they may live. It changes, I think, who we are in an unexpected way.

I can smile now when I think of my mom and I hope you can too when the loss is not so fresh and new.

But I can still feel sadness too and I can understand my mother now, better, perhaps than I did when she was alive.

Big hugs, Marianne and perhaps next year, if appropriate, I will share my Christmas letter written to my mother.

I am so, so very sorry.

spdd

01-31-2019, 01:53 AM

Marianne, I am devastated for you to read your news. I am so sorry. You are such a huge support and comfort for us here, and you should take as much time as you need to grieve and go through the process of losing your mother, especially this time of year. Sounds like your mother was in control till the very end and that is truly a blessing in it's own. My own mother spent her last weeks in care, and I know how difficult it can be. Please know that I will be thinking of you over the next several weeks, and as you look back take comfort knowing how blessed you were to have her in your life so long. My deepest sympathies going out to you.

mommyslittlegirl

01-31-2019, 02:52 PM

Dear Marianne , my heart was filled with sadness with the news of your mother`s passing . What a special relationship you two had . May the sweet and loving memories of your life together comfort you . Love is forever .

lulusmom

01-31-2019, 03:16 PM

Marianne, I am just seeing the sad news of your mom's passing and I am so terribly sorry for your loss. There are no words of comfort that can ease the pain of losing the one person in your life who made you you. I love you very much and you will not be far from my mind for weeks to come as I know how difficult the coming days will be.

(((Huge Consoling Hugs)))

Your k9c sister, Glynda

labblab

10-04-2019, 06:45 PM

Well, beloved K9C family, I’ve dusted off the doors to our holiday house and we’re officially open for business once again! It does feel a bit odd to be kicking off the northern hemisphere autumn holiday season at a moment when my outdoor thermometer is registering 99 degrees :-((((. Today we officially set a heat record here in Atlanta both for the day and also for the most 90 degree days in a single year. Sooooooooo tooooooo hot, that’s for sure. But cooler weather is supposed to finally flow in overnight, I couldn’t resist buying the perfect pumpkin I saw at the store today, and my fireplace mantel is now all set up with my traditional Halloween ghosts and black candles. So my thoughts immediately turned to our holiday house here ;-). In addition to Halloween, we’re open well in advance of Canadian Thanksgiving, too, on 10-14. So if anybody else is in the mood to chat during the coming days, we’ll be here!

I just now poured myself a glass of wine and read back through this entire thread from the very beginning back in 2010. Goodness, so many memories. So. Many. Memories. So much has changed for me, personally, as well as for so many other members of our family. But what a gift to feel so supported by everyone who’s ever added a note here. Through the good times and bad, what a gift to have a safe place to turn.

My last posting here last year was to tell you all about my mom’s death. So I’ll just start out this year’s postings by saying that I know her absence will be central to how I feel about the holidays this year, as well. But not so much Halloween. For some reason, although I love Halloween dearly, it never really caught her fancy and she never joined in the festivities. So our October celebration will be pretty much the same as always, except for especially missing Peg, our shiny black Halloween dog...

Anyway, as I say, I couldn’t resist going ahead and reopening this thread in the event anybody else wants to stop on by. I’ll be watching out for you!

Marianne

Harley PoMMom

10-05-2019, 03:50 AM

I really enjoy Halloween too! One of my TV channels is airing Halloween movies all of this month, one of favorites is Hocus Pocus, I just love Bette Midler in that movie!

My niece's daughter, Misty (who just turned 5 years old in July!) told me that she is going to be a wolf this year for trick or treating! Last year she went as a cat and was super cute, can't wait to see her get-up this year!

I released my last monarch last week, which made the total of 103! They are such beautiful creatures!!! The yellow mums I planted last year are starting to bloom now, they look so pretty! Most of the leaves have fallen from the trees, which means that I'll need to have my gutters cleaned out soon, there's always something that has to be done around this house!

Wishing everyone a Happy Halloween!!

Lori

labblab

10-05-2019, 09:34 AM

103 monarchs!!! Lori, that is awesome :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

And I love the idea of Misty being a little wolf — what a cutie pie she’ll be!!! I love everything about Halloween, but for sure the best part is opening the door to the Treat-or-Treaters. (Ummmm....well maybe except for the candy...;-).

labblab

10-15-2019, 05:59 PM

Whoops, I’m one day late in wishing our Canadian members “Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!” But the sentiment is sincere, even if the timing is a bit off...;-)

Best wishes to all our family north of the border! :D:D:D:D

molly muffin

10-19-2019, 12:31 PM

Hi all, sorry I missed checking in on Thanksgiving! But happy Canada Thanksgiving to all.

We had a good thanksgiving, just had Daniels mom over. She spent the night on Sunday then we cooked on Monday and ate and ate and ate some more. :) :)

I hope that all of you are doing okay. I've missed you tons.
I'm making some career changes to a new position at the company i work for. Hopefully things will, after I learn this new job, then allow me to get some life/work balance back. Something that has been sadly missing. cross fingers.

labblab

11-07-2019, 08:37 AM

Hey Sharlene, it’s so great to hear from you, and especially to hear about your job change. We’ve got our fingers crossed, too, that your job demands will ease up — we miss you SO much around here!!!

Sooooo...Halloween has come and gone. I love Halloween, but I’m afraid it turned out to be an anticlimax this year. I decorated just like always, and we planned to have our usual friends over for dinner and to hand out candy. I’d already decided to bestow the honor of wearing the orange collar onto Luna. The orange collar was Peg’s — Luna (and Barkis before her) had always worn purple. But Luna’s 11 now, and somehow I just felt like it was finally right to adorn her with the orange this year. I felt like Peg would have agreed and been proud of her little sister.

But the day before, the weather forecast was atrocious. Heavy rain, wind, and a temperature drop of about forty degrees :-(. I figured there wouldn’t be hardly any kids at all. Plus, I felt overwhelmed trying to straighten up the house. I still have so many unopened boxes of my mom’s things strewn all over, we look like hoarders :-((. I know our friends would totally understand and not care. But still. So at the last minute, we decided to just meet at a restaurant to celebrate our friend’s birthday (she’s a Halloween baby). We had a very nice dinner, but all four decided we would rather have been at our house, like always. Rain or no rain, boxes or no boxes. So next year, I think we’ll be back on track, no matter what. And hopefully Luna will still get her chance to wear the orange collar (fingers crossed for that, too!).

In the face of loss, I’ve decided it’s really hard to tell in advance which rituals feel better to keep the same and which feel better to change. Now I know it’s better to keep Halloween the same. We’ll see how Thanksgiving turns out. We’d been staying home these last several years because my mom didn’t feel physically able to make the drive to Tennessee where my brother lives with his family. So she and I cooked together here. Mainly me cooking now, but my mom still always made the dressing and pumpkin pie. This year, hubby, Luna and I will head up on up to my brother’s. In this case, I think it will feel better to be surrounded by family up there than to be cooking alone and seeing the empty spot at our table here. But I dunno. We’ll see. That’s all we can do, I guess — give things a try and see how it goes. I’ll let you all know, and in the meantime, I’ll be wishing you all the best, too.

Marianne

labblab

12-02-2019, 08:51 AM

Well, Thanksgiving is now behind us. We ended up staying home after all, as the Tennessee folks were hit by the flu. So I ended up having to face what I had wanted to avoid — the empty spot at my table where my mom should have been. The rest of the holiday week was basically fine, sometimes even good. But Thursday was not good. Really not good. At all. For the heck of it, I decided to sit in my mom’s chair, myself, to see how things looked from her perspective. I hoped it might help. It made things a little different, but it did not make things better. But at least the first Thanksgiving without her here is done. I lived through it and it’s over. I know things can never be the same again, but maybe next year will be better. I sure hope so.

Squirt's Mom

12-02-2019, 04:30 PM

I hope next year is better for you as well, Marianne. These anniversaries are odd; one would think they would progress naturally from really bad to easier and easier as each one passes but for me that has not been the case. A woman who lost her daughter, who was my age, told me when Gia died that the 3rd year would be harder than the first...and she was right. Why I don't know. Once that was behind me I expected things to get easier and easier and some years they have been. This was not one of those years. For some reason this 13th year has been an especially hard one. I still find comfort in the belief that she is with Squirt, Trinket, Brick, my dad, and so many others but this year I found an extra measure of comfort in my own aging because each day that passes brings me one day closer to being with Gia and them all once again. I pray you find the anniversaries in your life pass more and more easily with much comfort to be found in each one.

Hugs,
Leslie

labblab

12-02-2019, 05:59 PM

Leslie, thank you so much for your reply. Throughout the years, the thoughts you’ve shared about your own grieving have been so full of meaning for me, too. What you’ve written today is another help. I’ve always been one to hold expectations about how things in the future are gonna seem or feel. The older I get, the more I realize how useless — even damaging — those expectations can be. I think you’re 100% right about this, that there’s no straight line ahead. And the sooner I let loose of the expectation that there *will* be one, the easier it may be for me to regain my footing after an especially bad patch. Right now, the image of “black ice” came into my mind. The kind you don’t even see before you hit it and go spinning. Some things this year didn’t sadden me anywhere near as much as I expected. Other things have carried such hurt. Thursday was one time when the expectation and the reality matched up. It was not a good day. But there’s no telling what next year will bring (or tomorrow, for that matter...). Live in the moment, Marianne, live more in the moment! Is this a lesson I can take to heart? I’d surely like to try.

Thank you again, my friend. And I’m sending you tons of hugs in loving memory of all your angels, especially your precious Gia. Love is forever. I do believe that with all my heart.

Joan2517

12-02-2019, 10:03 PM

She always says the right things...even in her poems. I find great comfort in her posts and in her faith that we will be with them again.

"Black ice" is exactly what it's like...all of a sudden. Some days I can skate across without falling and then other times, down I go and anything will make me cry.

I miss my dad, especially around Christmas. He loved Christmas! It was usually just me and him decorating the tree, mostly me while he directed :). And I miss my mom, even though she's still here. There are times I'm trying to remember something and I automatically think I'll ask her, but she doesn't remember anything anymore. I'm not even sure she knows who I am. Funny, no matter how old we get, we still need our parents.

I hope you're feeling a little better, Marianne...

addy

12-08-2019, 10:15 AM

Yes, we never know when tears will flow. We had record breaking cold last winter. Since moving to the condo, Zoe’s tree has to be stored in the garage, which I have been told is a big no no for pre lite trees. I was sure I would be out shopping for a new tree this year but apparently Zoe still needs her tree because every light quickly lite up, still burning brightly. I burst into tears of thanks. By all accounts that tree is getting older and older, stored in sketchy conditions and should not work any more.
Marianne, Thanksgiving is hard and I can relate to the empty seat. I hope it is less sad next year. I avoided hosting for two years because of empty chair, finally gave in to Kate and hosted this year. I too was acutely aware of missing my mom at our table.
Leslie, you are so wise and always find the right words of comfort. I so admire your ability.
So hear we are for another holiday. I hope you all find comfort and peace this season. May all your lights shine brightly and you hold close every memory and tradition.
I lost my Lucy work dog in October. She was almost 13. I bought a light for her at our humane society. May it be the brightest light ever to reflect her amazing spirit.
Koko, bless him, is still traveling around town and just enjoyed a ride in a glass elevator which he thought was really cool. I could not stop laughing.
I hope you all gather memories until you have the most beautiful bouquet.
Love you always

labblab

12-08-2019, 11:30 AM

I hope you all gather memories until you have the most beautiful bouquet.
Oh Addy, I just burst into tears when I read that! Good tears, though, because it is the most perfect wish of all — sooooooo perfect. Thank you so much for that. I’m trying to muster the courage to put up our Christmas tree today, and what you’ve written really helps. I’m so happy that Zoe’s tree still lives!

It’s wonderful to have you stop back by again. I’m so sorry about Lucy. I know this is another great loss for you. But I’m so relieved to hear that Koko is still going strong. I love picturing him in that glass elevator! He must have been thinking, “So this is what the squirrels see when they head up their trees!” ;)

Wishing you the best, and again, you’ve brightened our day just by stopping by!

Love ‘ya,
Marianne

Squirt's Mom

12-09-2019, 09:00 AM

Sweet Addy,

It is always so good to hear from you! I love the story of Zoe's tree and fully believe she has had a hand in keeping it "alive". Not only did she need to see it she also knew you did as well. But I am so sorry to hear about Lucy - I know how much she meant to you especially after Zoe had to leave. Funny how we can become so attached to a baby who doesn't even live with us but there was just something special about Lucy that the two of you shared all those years. It is very good to hear that Koko is still going strong and like Marianne my mind was full of images of him on that elevator fully engaged in his new perspective!

I hope you and yours have the Happiest of Holidays, full of love and laughter, joy and peace.

Hugs,
Leslie

Budsters Mom

12-20-2019, 04:06 PM

My mom died this morning. Christmas is going to suck even more than usual this year!

Joan2517

12-20-2019, 05:27 PM

Oh Kathy...I'm so sorry.

labblab

12-20-2019, 08:49 PM

Oh my gosh! Kathy, I’m so sorry, too! Had she been ill, or was this unexpected? Either way, I know how extra hard the loss is, right now at the holidays. I’m truly so sorry, and wish there was some way we could be a help to you.

Sending many hugs across the miles, and wishing so much I could deliver them personally...

Budsters Mom

12-21-2019, 06:05 AM

She had been struggling with chronic issues for a few years, but remained mentally sharp to the end. She was doing OK despite many health challenges until this past Monday. She would fall often and I wasn’t able to lift her. The situation was increasingly getting more difficult, but we were making it work. I took her to Emergency on Monday after having an increasingly difficult night. After many tests, her outlook was bleak. She was moved to the ICU early Friday morning and died six hours later. After assuring her that I would take care of dad, we let her go in peace. That was her choice. My folks had been married 67 years. He’s not in the best shape either, I think that he’s been hanging on to take care of her. So yes, she had been struggling, but there was no cancer and she was stable. Her sudden passing was unexpected, But better for her.

labblab

12-21-2019, 07:58 AM

Oh Kathy, this sounds so much like what happened with my mom last Christmas. It’s such a gift to us that they were cognitively intact and in charge of their own final decisions so we won’t ever have to second guess that part. But what a shocking loss to have them “here” with us one day and then gone the next. I totally understand that it was better for her. But now your own life and that of your dad is changed forever. I wonder how long he’ll be able to hang on without her. For both of you, things will be so different now.

Of course I can’t know how this all feels to you, but I sure do remember how last Christmas felt to me — and how “off” the holiday season remains to me this year. So please come back any time you want to in the coming days to write more and to talk. I sure wish we still had our round-the-clock, round-the-world crew in place. But during my own waking hours, I’ll be here and checking in, OK? East coast shift firmly in place! And in the meantime, please take as good care of your own self as you can.

Many more hugs coming your way.

Squirt's Mom

12-21-2019, 08:55 AM

Kathy,

I am so sorry to hear about your mom but glad she was able to go in peace with minimal suffering. My prayers are with your and yours. I understand how the death of a loved one during this time of year is especially difficult.

Hugs,
Leslie

mytil

12-23-2019, 04:45 PM

Oh Kathy,
I am so incredibly sorry!!!! My heart is with you!!!!
Terry

Budsters Mom

12-23-2019, 06:33 PM

Thank you ladies. It's really tough now, especially right before the holidays. There is so much to do and things keep surfacing that I hadn't thought of before. My folks have lived with me for many years, so my mom is everywhere in my house. That's both comforting and extremely sad at the same time. I still have my dad who is 88. They were married 67 years. I have been trying to keep him from crumbling, which is understandably a huge job. I'm extremely overwhelmed. It will get easier in time if I'm still sain by then. Right now, two days before Christmas, it all Sucks!!! Now, that's a Grinch for you!

mommyslittlegirl

12-25-2019, 12:39 PM

Most of us have suffered the lost of a loved one, whether human or fur. Sometimes its not easy to see joy in the holidays. I feel that way every year when the holidays come . But if we just take a few minutes and think about what we still have, than one can be grateful for those things . They too will not be here forever. Merry Christmas my dear friends .

labblab

12-26-2019, 08:36 AM

Oh Dawn, it’s so good to see you back here and thank you so much for your Christmas wishes. Amidst the sorrows we share on this thread, that’s one of the great joys — seeing dear familiar faces reappearing during the holidays. It’s wonderful to hear from you, and I’m sending you my own best wishes for a new year that’s filled with fresh opportunities for new life and even perhaps new love. Thank you so much for stopping by!

Marianne

labblab

12-28-2019, 02:05 PM

Hey Kathy, keeping you in my thoughts and continuing to send hugs flying westward. I know how hard these days (and nights) must be for you. One day at a time. Heck, one hour at a time. Hang in there, girl — we’ve got your back.

Budsters Mom

12-29-2019, 08:43 PM

Thanks Marianne,

EVERYTHING is really tough right now and there is no end in sight. I'm overwhelmed with responsibilites. So much to take care of. I can't sleep because my brain is on overdrive. I have had no chance to even address my grief and I'm running on fumes. What I'm able to eat, runs right through. On top of everything else, my mom was very religious, so there are funeral preparations and everything that has to do with that.

I know that I will get it all sorted out. Thankfully, I have three weeks off before I need to return to work. That is quite a gift. 2 weeks of winter break, followed by a week of bereavement leave. I need to take two personal days once I return to work to attend my mom's funeral and visit the cemetary. I couldn't get it all taken care of during my break because the holidays push everything back. People need to spend time with their families, as they should.

Thanks for checking on me. I am holding on by my fingernails.

labblab

12-30-2019, 09:16 AM

Thank goodness for those three weeks off, indeed! But so much stress packed into every moment has to be so hard. In the dead of one sleepless night last January while my mom was in hospice care, I got up and wrote on an index card in block letters: “YOU’LL GET HELP!” What that meant for me is that as soon as the immediate crisis had passed after her death, I started sessions with a grief therapist. I kept that little card propped next to my bed all during those initial dark January days, kind of as a lifeline. I knew I couldn’t handle things all by myself for long. But I did manage to get everything done that absolutely needed to be done during those first weeks. And then, finally I was able to take some time for myself. Even after a year, I still periodically schedule a therapy session. It remains a process, with no quick and easy relief. But enlisting help *has* been a help.

So this is my wish for you — that there’ll be a resource that you can turn to, as well, once things settle down a bit. I don’t know exactly who or what that may be for you. But you deserve to be helped and supported, and that will be my New Year’s wish for you, Kathy. I wish for help to come your way, just as soon as you’re able to receive it. You shouldn’t have to keep handling things all by yourself, and I’ll be wishing you at least a bit of comfort and peace in the days ahead.

Harley PoMMom

12-30-2019, 11:03 AM

Oh Kathy,

I am so sorry, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, sending huge and loving hugs.

labblab

12-31-2019, 06:03 PM

Well, here it is New Year’s Eve 2019, and it’ll be another quiet evening at home for hubby, Luna, and me. We’re going to watch the Star Wars movies 7 and 8 on TV so that we’ll be all caught up to see the final Episode 9 in the theater. We saw 4, 5 and 6 as they were released; didn’t have as much interest in 1, 2 and 3 and can barely remember them. The original, episode 4, I’ll never forget. Hubby and I were just out of college and living in Los Angeles. We saw a trailer for this weird-looking sci-fi movie, and decided we’d brave the long, long line to see it as it premiered at the grand old Chinese Theater on Hollywood Boulevard. OMG, we couldn’t believe our eyes and ears! We’d never seen anything like it! We were young, and Luke and Leia were young, and what a blockbuster of a movie! I’ll never forget that evening in L.A. Welp, we’re no longer so young. ‘Nuff said, I guess... But we need to finish off the series, and tonight seems like a good time to coast toward the finale.

Somehow I’m drawn to repeat something I posted five years ago on New Year’s Eve. Seems like only yesterday to me, but so many changes in my life since then. Anyway, here’s what I was thinking then, and the same holds true for me tonight. And I send my best wishes to all our K9C family for the new year to come.

"Auld Lang Syne"...

For the sake of old times.

I don't know all the lyrics, but I surely do hum along with the music each and every New Year's Eve -- with a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. What a privilege to have shared my life with my loved ones, human and four-legged, physically still present or here with me in spirit alone.

Cheers to the old times, and Cheers to the new times that still await us. May the New Year bring a measure of comfort and peace to all our family.

spdd

01-01-2020, 07:10 AM

Kathy, I am so sorry to read the news of your Mom. I was on yesterday quickly to send greetings and totally missed this thread about your Mom. My deepest condolences and sympathy for you and your Dad especially this time of year. Sometimes we wonder just how much more we can take, yet somehow we hang in there, undoubtedly at times just barely, but we do. The strength that we plod on with blows your mind at times yet we continue on. Please know that you are in my thoughts for sure. I am heading to a funeral tomorrow of a very dear lady that I had known all my life. She passed away December 19th but they waited till all the hoopla of the holidays was over before honouring her at her "homecoming" tomorrow. I will be thinking of you and your family especially tomorrow. You can do this.... and like Marianne said... "we got your back."

Squirt's Mom

01-01-2020, 09:24 AM

My youngest grandson, 14, has been with me this week and that has brought a depth of joy that otherwise would not have been present this time of year. We both wanted the Disney+ channel added to our streaming services so I got it and we have been watching the Star Wars movies in chronological order for the last couple of days. It will be odd to go back in time and see episode 4, 5, and 6 but we almost there! I made the comment that I had forgotten how wonderful the graphics were when we watched episode 1 and he just roared with laughter over the fact that I thought THOSE were great graphics! :D "Just wait, Mimi! You will be REALLY amazed!" :D And I probably will be. LOL It's been fun to have him with me to share these movies and talk about what great imagination it took to create the scenes, props, costumes and effects.

A few of you will remember when I told about my Christmas tree and all the ornaments my daughter and I collected over the decades. They are each a priceless treasure to me but my family is not a very sentimental bunch and I know all these treasures will end up in the dumb when I am gone. So this year I tried to get the boys to come pick out the ones they wanted to keep. The oldest, 18, is much too busy for such nonsense, LOL, so he has left his choices to me. But the youngest has been selecting which ones he wants to have for his own tree some day and I have been carefully dividing and packing these treasures up for him and his brother. There will be a some "ordinary" ones left to put on a much, much smaller tree should I decide I want to in the future but this will be the last year I put all those treasures on a tree. It is bittersweet to say the least. I admit, some of the wrappings and boxes have gotten a bit soggy with tears in the process. But I pray my boys will one day unwrap and unbox them and remember with fondness when they saw them sparkling on my trees thru the years and find a bit of the joy in them they brought me and their mom, delicate reminders of two people who loved them more than anything else in this world.

As I grow older I realize more and more the old adage that we can't go home again is so very true. Not only about our childhood but about every moment that comes. It is here once and once only so we need to make the most of each that we can. So, "for the sake of old times" and the new times to come, I wish each and everyone a new year filled with priceless blessings beyond counting,

labblab

01-01-2020, 09:56 AM

Dearest Leslie, I will never forget reading your story about Gia and the ornaments on your glass tree. I will continue to picture your tree in my own mind during each Christmas to come. You are so right about treasuring each moment as it is granted to us. Sadly, we can’t ever, ever truly go back in time. But during a very few special moments in my life, I’ve felt as though the past and present have kind of merged into a magical unison. Such rare fleeting moments, but magical and special. Almost as though a memory did regain life for just an instant. Maybe that’s why I hold my memories so dear — not knowing whether I might feel that magic ever again, but hoping. If there truly is such a thing, I wish it to happen for you and for whatever memories you hold most dear. I’m guessing your glass tree may be one of them.

Happy New Year, my friend. Happy. New. Year.

With much love,
Marianne

Joan2517

01-01-2020, 10:44 AM

Happy New Year to all!

I've been passing ornaments on to my son the past few years. He's a huge Disney fan, in fact he is leaving tomorrow morning for a week long visit. I've given him all of my old Disney ones, but he always brings me one back from his trips! I have so many ornaments, but the trees have gotten smaller so I can't put them all up...and I don't have the energy or time anymore. It's turning into more of a memorial tree anyway. Lena's ornaments still go on along with all the dogs, past and still here. I dread putting it up each year, lugging the boxes out of the attic, the mess, going through them and deciding which ones to hang, then lugging the boxes back up to the attic. UGH!

But once it's finished I truly enjoy looking at it. Lena used to love when I would pick her up and let her "help", and she and I would gaze at it for hours! A Facebook memory came up the other day with two pictures, one of Lena looking at me while she sat on the arm of the couch in front of the tree, and the other of Gable with his head on the arm of the couch looking at the tree. They both looked so healthy. A weird coincidence considering they both were diagnosed with Cushing's...one gone and Gable still fighting it.

We toned down the Xmas gatherings this year, too. My sister could only come in the early afternoon as she had to be back home for the four hours in between my mother's caretakers. So we did an early cocktail party for her family, then just our family for the eve, and back again for presents and dinner on Christmas Day....still a lot of work though.

Every year I say I'm going to start earlier and be ready and every year I'm more and more behind!

But next year I am definitely going to be ready! :)

labblab

01-01-2020, 05:15 PM

Happy New Year to you, too, Joan! I totally get it about downsizing the tree and the ornaments —I’ve done exactly the same thing. We used to have a huge tree and it took a ton of ornaments. Now the tree is much smaller, and I’ve pulled the most special ornaments out of the tubs to use, leaving the rest all packed up. Of course the most special of all are the photo ornaments of all the family pets through the years — they go on first and get the prime spots.

I can easily imagine how your heartstrings were pulled by those images of Lena and Gable alongside the tree. Sweet, sweet memories, indeed. Such sweet Cushbabies, both of them. I’m so sorry that you and they ended up afflicted with this disease. But if there’s any silver lining at all, it’s that they brought you to our family. For that we’re so grateful, for all the help you give us and all the support you give to our members.

You deserve a safe and happy new year, Joan, and I truly hope that’s exactly what you’ll be getting in 2020!

labblab

01-14-2020, 10:13 AM

Well, it’s a rainy day here in the southeast, so a good time to take care of some “indoor” chores. One of these is to go ahead and close the door of our holiday house here at the end of another winter holiday season. I still have Christmas decorations to pack away, but our tree has been taken down and driven over to be recycled into mulch. When we add our tree to the pile at the center, I feel sad to part with it, but I like to imagine all the trees having lively conversations among themselves in tree-talk — comparing notes about their own holidays and the families who sheltered them. So silly, I know, but it makes it easier for me to drive away in our now-empty car ;-).

As you already know, this holiday season carried a whole mixture of emotions for me. Some really, really sad moments. But also some totally unexpected and especially sweet surprises. Every year, I’m so grateful to reopen this thread so as to have a safe place to come and share my own thoughts. And I thank everybody else who stopped by to visit, as well.

And now, another new year is launched for us all. Best wishes to all our family until the time comes to throw open the door to our holiday house once again!

Marianne

mommyslittlegirl

01-14-2020, 12:58 PM

I do hope everyone will have a great new year . To me its just another year without the ones I loved the most . Yes , I am grateful I still have my dad and brother , And my mom, even if we do not talk . The loss of my baby and the man I was to marry is too much for me to bear . I feel so sorry for the people here who have suffered losses of their love ones. I have closed the door to love . Much easier that way

Squirt's Mom

01-15-2020, 09:09 AM

Hi Dawn,

Closing the door to the love of a partner is something I understand...and regret deeply now that many years have passed since I made that same decision. I hope you will reconsider and allow love to remain a possibility. Not that you have to actively seek a partner but just be open to the possibility.....once you have had time to heal a little bit. This is all still too fresh and taking time to heal is the most important thing right now. But don't make my mistake and slam that door shut then nail that sucker down solid. I don't want to think of you reaching my age and looking at the coming years with fear and loneliness. You are a special lady and someone out there is just waiting til you are ready to try again because you are exactly what they need. Your family here knows that and we are here for you always.

Hugs,
Leslie

labblab

10-11-2020, 07:09 PM

Hi Everybody. I just now finished setting up a few of my favorite Halloween decorations, and the pumpkins are out on the front steps, awaiting carving on the 31st. I’m relaxing now, with Luna beside me. And I have been debating whether or not to go ahead and reopen our Holiday House for yet another season. Our little family here has shrunk quite a bit, and I don’t know whether any other folks will feel like dropping in this time around. But then I decided that this year, of all years, may be a time when a “virtual” holiday home may actually be a comfort and a refuge. The big, in-person get-togethers that are usually the hallmark of the holidays will largely be on hold for so many. But anybody from anywhere in the world can safely stop by here — anytime! And we’ll be so glad to see you if you do.

As far as Halloween, I don’t yet know whether any kids in our neighborhood will be trick-or-treating this year. But if so, I’ve thought about setting up a card table at the end of our driveway, with individual baggies of candy for the kids to pick up on their own. If it’s a pretty night, I can sit on my front step and wave at them from a distance. I’ve got some luminary bags that I can fill with orange candles to light the way to the table. And of course, our jack-o-lanterns.

Regardless of the trick-or-treating, Luna can wear the orange collar that I promised her last year. And I can make some yummy treats for hubby and me. Just like everything else this year, things will be different in so many ways. But the traditions that we’re able to maintain will hopefully be a bridge to better days ahead...

So there you go — that’s it from me for now. But please do stop by anytime if anybody else is in the mood to chat, or reminisce, or plan, or vent. As always, we’re here for the good and the bad. The happy and the sad. We’re here to listen to everything that our family chooses to share.

Marianne

Harley PoMMom

10-12-2020, 02:12 AM

Your Halloween plans sound great, and I can picture sweet Luna with her pretty orange collar. I was surprised to find out that our township is having trick or treating this year so if Misty's Dad doesn't get her that weekend her Mom and I will take her, she hasn't said what she wants to dress up as, I'll have to ask her!

labblab

10-12-2020, 08:09 AM

Awwwwww, I remember when Misty was such a cute little wolf :D :D :D

Was that just last year, or maybe even earlier? Gosh, the years roll past so quickly now. And I’ll bet she’s growing like a weed in between!

Joan2517

10-12-2020, 10:15 AM

So far it looks like there will be trick or treating here. No after parties for the boys, though because a lot of their friends are going to school, while they are doing virtual. Josh and I decorated the front yesterday, just the stick in the ground stuff. I don't know how I'm going to hang my little white garbage bag ghosts that the boys made when they were little as the dogwood in the front was cut down last Spring. They always looked so cool hanging from the branches and dangling in the wind...maybe I'll put them in one of the trees in the back. The animatronics won't go out until Halloween Day.

Their house is totally decorated inside and out. All his zombies and animatronics are out front. He used a theatrical makeup kit that he got for Christmas last year and made his own zombie head out of styrofoam, then Sigi helped him make a body with arms and legs. They ordered hands and feet to attach to it. That one stays in the house. It looks awesome!

Josh orchestrated a Haunted Walk-thru in his house just for family to see with Sigi, Alex and himself dressing up and participating as props. He can't go to Bayville this year because of the risk, so he created his own. He even had messages sent to our phones with a voice-over invitation with all the details. He is something else! It was amazing...they all had a part and have been practicing for days! Poor Jess, she's so organized and it must kill her to have to put all that stuff away after each showing!

I missed Lena so much yesterday, she used to love to be outside and watch as we decorated. Sibbie was more interested in rolling around where other dogs, birds, squirrels, etc. have been on the lawn. But we had fun anyway and we did some lighted stuff in the house.

Not sure how many kids will show, but I've got the candy!

mytil

10-12-2020, 12:21 PM

As always Marianne, you are here to brighten things up. :) I have not been on much, just taking care the In Loving Memory section is looked after and backed up; but I do think of everyone very often.

The Holidays, starting with Halloween, are going to be pretty much virtual this year for us sadly. In our town, no trick or treating or parties. No get togethers for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year either. I think this makes the Holiday Season much sadder when we all need togetherness more than ever. So, this thread and site will be continue to be a haven for many during this time.

An update on our last doggie, Cailey is 14 years old and is having a loads of trouble with her gall bladder and kidney infections these past months. Several times we thought we lost her too. She seems to be on the mend after tons of tests, ultrasounds, medications etc...maybe we have found a balance to keep her going.

All my best to everyone!!!
Terry

labblab

10-13-2020, 08:29 AM

Oh Joan, your family’s combined decorations and Josh’s walk-through sound amazing!!! Sure wish I could drop by and visit, for real. And I do understand about missing Lena. The reason why Luna gets to wear the orange collar is because Peg is not here. So it’s very bittersweet to be passing it on. Sweet that Luna finally gets her chance, but at the same time, the ache is there in my heart over missing our shiny black Halloween girl...

I saw on the COVID thread that you’re finally retired — YAY for you, and I know the furkids must be in heaven to have you with them 24/7 now! All your cooking and baking makes my mouth water. I’ve definitely gained weight since March, but I just can’t seem to resist trying out new recipes while I’m stuck in the house so much. Oh well. At least the preparing and the eating brings me pleasure, even if my expanding waistline doesn’t ;-))).

And Terry, it’s so great to have you stop by! I hope maybe you’ll come back again over the next couple of months. You know we are sisters here forever. All of the K9C furbabies that we’ve loved and honored together on ILM. All of our own furbabies that we’ve treasured through the years. I remember so clearly when you first rescued Cailey. And now, here we are, with both of our remaining “babies” in their sunset years. Seemingly all in the blink of an eye.

Anyway, it’s so good to see you here. And yep, in the absence of family celebrations, I’m betting I’ll be writing here even more than usual, and you all know what a big mouth I have, anyway :D. Many thanks to you guys who’ve already stopped by, and I’ll definitely be looking forward to more chats to come.

labblab

10-13-2020, 08:36 AM

Also, I just realized that yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving!!! So here are belated holiday wishes to our Canadian family members — hoping you’re all staying safe and well up there north of the border!

labblab

11-01-2020, 01:50 PM

So, Halloween 2020 has come and gone. For my little family, it actually turned out to better than I’d worried. The weather here was perfect, subsequent to the most recent of several hurricanes to blow through. But by yesterday, the clouds cleared and it was crisp and autumnal. Hubby and I carved our pumpkins, I made our snacks, and Luna proudly wore the orange collar at last. We did put up the card table at the end of the driveway with candy, along with our Jack-o-lanterns and some luminary bags. I really didn’t know what to expect. At first I feared that no kiddos would be coming by at all. But as it grew darker, multiple family groups approached. I happily waved from our doorway, Luna by my side. It felt strange to have to remain so distant from them. But I don’t think the little ones minded it much at all, and the parents seemed very grateful for our efforts to keep their children safe but still happy.

I went to bed feeling the best I had in several weeks. I missed seeing our friends who normally always celebrate alongside us. But it still felt like a holiday. A different holiday, but still a holiday regardless. I don’t expect Thanksgiving or Christmas to feel as peaceful for me. Those days are so linked to family gatherings that just cannot happen this year, for multiple reasons. But Halloween turned out to be an unexpected treat, and for that I am really grateful.

Marianne

Joan2517

11-02-2020, 06:24 AM

We had very few kids show up. I still have a half a bowl of candy left. I didn't put out any of the animatronics, it just didn't seem worth the trouble. Jess, Sigi and the kids came by in their costumes and stayed for a while. She was very disappointed in the fact that there was hardly anyone in the street. They looked adorable, I wish I could post a picture. I did let Sibbie wear Lena's Boo shirt for a picture, but it was a little too small to keep it on her.

If Lena were still alive, we would've been sitting on the stoop wrapped up in sweaters since it was so cold. I waited until 7:50 and then shut the door and turned off the porch light...a really different Halloween.

labblab

11-02-2020, 07:31 AM

Awww, I’m sorry it didn’t turn out as well for you guys, Joan. As I say, I was totally surprised by the turn-out here. Earlier in the evening, I almost didn’t put out the candy table at all because there was zero activity that I could see. But I asked a neighbor driving by if he’d seen any kids at all, and he said there were some coming. So we hurried and set things up and then we were grateful that we did. I think two things really helped. The weather was just perfect after so many crappy rainy days, and people just wanted to get out. Also, our neighborhood e-newsletter had mentioned putting out socially-distanced driveway tables for anybody who did want to participate, so there was kind of an overall plan.

Anyway, I’m glad you got to see the grands, at least, and that Sibbie got the chance to wear the Boo shirt, even if only for a little while. I was hoping that Peg would have been glad to see her orange collar keeping up the tradition on Luna, and I’m hoping the same for Lena. There was definitely a tug in my heart and tear in my eye when I brought it out, but it also made me feel a little bit like Peg’s spirit was still joining in. I really hope maybe it was that way for you, too, Joan.

labblab

11-26-2020, 05:34 PM

Wanting to wish a safe and meaningful Thanksgiving to all our American members. I know this holiday will be very different for so many of us. But even in the midst of the restrictions and the losses, hopefully there is still much to be grateful for in all our lives.

Best wishes to all our Family!

addy

11-27-2020, 12:03 PM

Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all finding new normals as we start the holiday season. I also hope my post finds everyone safe and well.
Marianne and Kathy, I thought of you both yesterday. I was missing my mother as we celebrated Thanksgiving, just me, hubby and Koko. I imagine you both had that sense of missing someone special and dear.

We actually ended up having a pretty good day all and all. We dressed up, no sweatpants allowed, lol, hauled out the tablecloth and china, opened a bottle of wine, followed a few more traditions and I think it really helped put us in a better frame of mind.

We are fine and remain hunkered down at home. I am training my replacement and do that from home. Not exactly ideal but it works. 35 years of that job leaves me with mixed emotions; ready to stop working but struggling with the loss of that identity, if that makes sense. it feels weird at times to think of someone else in my office. Especially since, I picked out all the colors, rug, chairs, dog beds too��. I miss my work dogs but after losing my Lucy last year, it is ok. When I packed up my office last March and said goodbye to Bob and new little girl Lulu, I knew in my heart, I would not see my work dogs again. I knew it wasn’t temporary.

Koko is still my therapy dog and loves having me 24/7 though, he is getting anxious whenever I leave the house without him, even with hubby home. I am grateful to have this extra time with him. Every night I say thank you, dear God for another day with my Kokomo, please keep him safe through the night. He is 13 or 14 now but still jumps on the sofa and will pulll me down the street if he gets excited about seeing another dog. Each day is a blessing as I see his eyes starting to become, cloudy, see him tire more easily.

Wisconsin has been hit hard by the pandemic and the numbers are scary. We were in the national news daily the last few weeks before Election Day. I expect things to worsen in the next few months so we have tried to prepare as best we can so we are able to limit errands, appointments, etc in January and February.

Koko is overstocked with food as I worry about his food security more than ours. Typical dog mom, right?

I think of you all and miss the conversations, laughter, even the tears. I miss the special bond we all shared but know it is now part of who I am, part of my sense of self and I am eternally grateful for that.

I am waiving and smiling at all of you and hope you feel the love.

Sorry for any typos, I forgot how small this type is.

Stay well, stay safe, stay strong.

Budsters Mom

11-27-2020, 01:12 PM

Hi Addy (waving wildly)!! I miss you so. I miss all of our very close friends here on the forum. I still get to hear from Marianne, but most have drifted away. Thank you for coming back to update us. I am thrilled to hear that our koko puff is still going strong.
You are correct. Thanksgiving was very difficult without Mom here. Dad and I were supposed to go to family (up the street). Just my brother and wife. No big gatherings due to COVID. I won't go into that horror here. We have our other thread for that. This thread is about holidays. So anyway, we didn't end up going to dinner. We found out early yesterday morning that there had been Covid exposure and dinner was off because of it. Can't risk exposing me, or Dad.
We missed a family dinner last year because it had rained and my Mom couldn't risk slipping on the ramp, so we stayed home. This is two years in a row where it didn't work out. There's always next year. Dad is 89. I don't know how many more holidays he has left.
Yes Addy, i can imagine how difficult transitioning to retirement must be. I am dealing with that pressure myself. I should retire, particularly right now, but I'm just not ready. I don't want to be home all the time. My idenity is mixed up with what I do. Without my kids, what is my purpose, who am I? It is hard.
Much love to all. I realize that many of my old friends may still be reading, just not posting. Please take a few minutes when you get a chance and drop in and say hello. It means so much to hear from you.
Please take care and stay safe.

labblab

11-27-2020, 06:03 PM

Oh Addy, I was thrilled when I briefly checked in earlier today and saw you’d added a reply! I decided to wait to read it until I had the time to sit down and relax and savor it. So here I am back, with a glass of wine of my own in my hand. And I see that Kathy has now added a note, too — it’s so good to chat with you both!!

As I had suspected would be true, yesterday was a harder holiday for me than was Halloween. This was the second Thanksgiving without my mom. It was not as piercingly sad as last year, but it still felt pretty hollow and empty compared to our many celebrations of the past. Last year was especially hard because we had planned to be with my brother’s family in Tennessee, but had to bail out at the last minute cuz everybody up there had the flu. So being here alone, without my mom, caught me by painful surprise. This year I *knew* we’d be home alone, so I’d hoped that planning that way in advance would make things easier. It kinda did. But mainly didn’t. There was still no way to ignore my mom’s empty chair, and all the chattering we’d have done while preparing the food.

My mom was a wonderful cook, and especially a wonderful baker. Years ago, she even won a blue ribbon at the Iowa State Fair for one of her pies — and all of us midwesterners know what a huge deal it is to win a ribbon at one of our ginormous state fairs!!! In these final years, she mainly coached me in the kitchen while sitting in a chair. But she still always made our Thanksgiving pumpkin pie herself, with the crust from scratch. I’ve inherited all her strong, sturdy pots and her mixing bowls and her pie plates. So I used them all yesterday to make our meal, including the pie. I must say that it turned out great. She would have been very proud of me. I was proud of me. But I still missed her so much, and the holiday did not feel special in any way close to how it always was when she was here. But still, we have a lot to be grateful for. And so I’ll try to focus on that.

I sure do understand the angst that both you girls are feeling about retirement. I had similar feelings when I stopped working, but my decision dovetailed with my mom moving down here to Atlanta from Iowa. The timing was actually quite fortunate, because she was needing more and more assistance with errands, appointments and chores. And upon leaving my job, I was free to help her. In a way, *she* became my new job, and all her friends and staff at the seniors community where she lived became my co-workers. When my mom died and all those ties were ruptured, it was kind of like I had finally retired for good. Last year was pretty aimless for me as I tried to figure out the new path forward. And just when I was on the cusp of joining some groups last spring, COVID struck and you know the rest of that story...

So I still feel as though I’m drifting right now. And that’s probably a big part of why I still check in on our family here so regularly. The connections have meant a lot to me throughout these years. And that’s why it’s such a treat to talk with you girls, and why I hope some other folks may take Kathy’s suggestion and stop by, too! But in the meantime, it’s wonderful to read your update and especially to hear that you and hubby and Koko remain safe and sound. Please do stop back by again, any time.

We love you!
Marianne

Joan2517

11-28-2020, 07:39 AM

So, so different this year. It was just the seven of us. With my mom gone and my sister and her family just moved to South Carolina last week, and the virus, my brothers did not do any traveling. Jess did a lot of prepping for me as hubby is not doing well and could not do what he usually does...the shopping. He had surgery last week for some mass along his jaw into his throat that we are still waiting on the pathology report that was sent out of the country. The surgeon didn't do as much as he was supposed to because he wasn't sure what he was dealing with and didn't want to do a lot of damage if it's not cancer... very unsettling. The doctor is based at Lenox Hill, so that's been three trips into the city in the last few weeks, which cut down on preparing for the holiday. I did as much as I could, but with all the traveling, the surgery, the waiting and not knowing, and taking care of him, I was just too tired most of the time. It turned out well though. Hubby was able to get up and prepare the turkey, which I hate doing, and it came out delicious. The ham had to be cooked at Jess' house, turned out to be too big for the convection oven and wouldn't fit in the regular oven with the turkey, so ran it around the block to her house and all she had to do was put the oven on (Jess does not cook! LOL). She does make the sweet potato pies though, No one can make them better that she does.

I didn't want to cancel the whole thing in spite of all the troubles. Josh was so looking forward to it. When he heard that we might just buy a precooked turkey, he said that it wouldn't be Thanksgiving so we went ahead. The child loves his turkey dinner! I wish I could upload the picture of him after too much turkey all stretched out on the couch, fast asleep. Sibbie was not happy! I was too busy to pay attention to her. Lena would've been happy just laying in her bed in the kitchen, watching the oven, but not Sibs.

And next is Xmas....I don't know what that's going to be like yet until we find out what Victor has, and how it will be treated. It seems my being laid off came at just the right time. There's no way I could still be working with all the early morning trips to the ER we've been doing and now facing more surgery.

I can so relate to your story of your mom, Marianne. Except it was my MIL. She used to do all the prepping with me helping her when she was able to do it. Then when we took over the holidays, she would still sit at the table with me, telling stories and doing as much as she could. I miss those days every year. This year I had Josh come over to help, or just to keep me company. He cut off all the pointy parts of the artichokes, which he loves to eat. He brought his Bose speaker and played all Christmas songs on his playlist from his phone, asked me what some of mine were and added them. He's such good company and we had a good time. I hope that he will remember this when he gets older. I can't believe he still wants to hang out with grandma! He's going to be 13 his next birthday. He comes every Sunday and we spend the day together. Now that people are decorating, we leave a little early and drive around looking at the houses and singing Xmas songs. He can play the piano, electric keyboard and even compose his own songs, but the boy can not sing! I try so hard not to laugh at how off key he is, but I love to listen.

I love reading what you are all doing. I am glad we are all well and safe. And I am thankful to have you all in my life.

Love you all!

labblab

11-28-2020, 05:02 PM

Oh Joan, we’re so thankful to have you here with us, too!!

I am so sorry about your husband’s surgery, and especially about the uncertainty of everything related to it right now. I am not one who can easily compartmentalize, so when I’m worried about something, it just bleeds into most every waking moment. I do not do well with waiting for results! So my heart goes out to you right now, and for sure my fingers are crossed that this turns out to be a minor problem rather than a major one. We’ll be so anxious to hear when you know more.

I loved reading about Josh being your assistant, though! That’s so sweet that he still loves to spend quality time with you. And why wouldn’t he, though — you sound like a wonderful grandmother, sharing all these special times together ;-))))). You are making memories that I’m confident will last throughout his lifetime.

Thanks so much for stopping back by for our chat. And truly, do let us know how things proceed for you and your husband, OK?

addy

11-29-2020, 10:03 AM

Oh it is wonderful to hear from you all.

Marianne, I smiled so about your mom winning a blue ribbon for her pie. Though my mom never won a ribbon, she was similar, not a great cook but she sure could bake. I have yet to eat a pie crust better than hers.

Kathy, people tell me we will know when we are ready to retire. All I know is I have changed my mind almost monthly for a few years now. But the pandemic made me rethink things. I knew I would never risk my husband’s health by returning to my office.
I joke that it took a pandemic to convince me to retire but there is truth in that. I hope you and your dad stay safe and well.

Although we made it through Thanksgiving in a positive mood, I do find myself unmotivated to try to pull off Christmas.Christmas has not been the same since we sold our house and mom died. The girls are older now and honestly, the last three years I dearly wanted to go to our Delafield Hotel with Koko and enjoy a different kind of Christmas. With the pandemic in crisis here, we won’t even think about that this year.

I imagine I will rally and pull out Zoe’s tree in the next week or two. If the lights still work, I will be amazed and take it as a sign.
If they don’t work, I’m sure I will bail and forget having a tree this year.
I will let you know how that turns out, lol.

Joan, I hope your husband is ok and the news is positive. I will be thinking of you.

This may sound silly, but do dogs get smaller as they age? Humans get shorter and Koko seems to be getting smaller. Zoe did too.

Koko loves to travel so much, I keep wondering if he will now fit in a carrier underneath an airplane seat. My day dream is once we can again travel, I would love to take him to NYC to visit my sil. Of course, maybe due to his age, that might be asking a lot of him.

Well Christmas countdown begins. I’m sure I will end up baking a few cookies without my girls. They plan on moving to Florida next year so this Christmas will be a trial run as I get used to navigating without them. My plan is to travel as much as I can as soon as I can. The daydream keeps me going.

So many holiday memories here. I remember one Christmas Mel and I were obsessed with Christmas penguins. Funny, I still look for them occasionally and think of her.

Hugs

labblab

11-29-2020, 01:52 PM

Oh gosh, Addy, I remember you and Mel and the penguins!! That was back when we were so busy around here and it was such fun with everybody popping in. It’s been such a long time since we’ve heard from Mel. I so hope she’s well and happy now, and perhaps with another fur-child by her side.

For sure, let us know about Zoe’s tree. We just bought our fresh tree yesterday. We’ll let it sit outside in water for a week or so before we try to put it up. We get a much smaller one now than in the past, but we make sure there’s enough room for our most special ornaments. I leave a lot of things in the packing boxes now, but I still have to have a tree for my special ornaments. I love them so, and all the memories they hold.

I so wish we could travel this year, too, during Christmas itself. After being home alone last Thanksgiving without my mom, I *really* wanted to do something different for Christmas. So we packed up Luna and drove to a hotel in the North Carolina mountains over the holiday. It was the best decision. The hotel was all decorated, people were cheery, and I love all mountains, anywhere. We had planned to do something similar this year, but not now with COVID. So we’ll be home, and the holidays will be what they will be. I’m trying not to have any expectations at all, and just go with the flow of each day. But I’m glad we’ve got our tree to begin with.

Stay well, my friend, and please do keep checking back in!

Harley PoMMom

12-01-2020, 06:13 PM

Oh Joan, I will be keeping you and Victor in my thoughts and prayers, tons of positive energy flying your way!

I made the Thanksgiving meal at my house, my BIL, niece, Misty, nephew and his wife came for dinner, we stuffed ourselves! Misty and I made cookies the day before Thanksgiving so we had them for dessert. We missed my sister deeply but got through it, Misty sure is the high light of our lives and she does make it a bit easier to face these holidays without my sister.

Misty sure is excited that Christmas will be here soon, I've got to get my lights up and the house decorated inside, hopefully Thursday will be the day as it is supposed to be sunny and 50 degrees, today it was in the low 40's with gusty winds which made it feel like it was in the low 30's brrrrr!!! Not ready for winter!!!

Hugs, Lori

Squirt's Mom

12-03-2020, 10:41 AM

ADDY!!! It is so good to hear from you! And especially good to know you and yours are well. This year that is such a blessing! I bet Zoe and Koko bring many smiles to you and pray they continue to do so for many years to come. Travel....hummm, travel....is that like going to the grocery store? :D For me that is a huge deal these days and something I NEVER dreamed I would miss. LOL

This is one of the very difficult holiday seasons for me. Some years I can manage quite good while others, like 2020, every day is a struggle. Memories, tho treasured, are often too close and too raw. But I have a mantra of things I am grateful for that helps. This forum and the friends I have made here are on that list.

I hope each of you remain safe and well in the coming months and that you are able to find a way to enjoy some time with your loved ones, even if that is just a phone call. In the years to come we are going to find our priorities are greatly changed I believe - hugs will become longer and tighter than ever, eye contact will be maintained greedily, and we will truly cherish every moment we are able to be face to face with those we care for.

My love to you all with best wishes in the coming months.
Leslie

addy

12-05-2020, 03:23 PM

Aw Leslie, what memories you bring. I read about your dog adventure on the COVID thread, scary stuff indeed. I hope you are ok.
I think we need to live in the now this holiday season and only allow snippets of memories, though that is hard.
The holidays are hard in normal times let alone during COVID. I have to really work at it.
Well, I promised to let you know and apparently Zoe still needs her tree because all the lights still work and it is standing in a new spot in the condo waiting for her birds.
So that’s my one good thing today.
Kathy, I hope you find one good thing too. Sometimes, we have to dig deep and look very hard for it.
Stay well and strong, we will make it through these challenging times. As hard as it is, I plan to put the sad memories in the drawer each day, even if only for a little while. Hope you all can too.

Budsters Mom

12-05-2020, 04:26 PM

Yay Addy!!! Zoe's tree is my one good thing for the day!! Thank you for posting that! Actually, I am blessed with many blessings. Dad put the tree up and set out all of my Mom's special holiday treasures, while I was at work last Monday. The lights only worked on the bottom half of tree, but it was a special treat anyway. I have since replaced those lights. It was a pleasant surprise that he went ahead and did it anyway. I have no holiday spirit at all this year. Between losing my Mom five days before Christmas last year, COVID, work, and other stresses, my heart just isn't in it. We have our annual ugly shirt/sweater contest at work soon. I usually come up with something totally ridiculous and usually win a prize. Last year I wore our Christmas tree skirt as a shirt and decorated it with flashing lights and ornaments. To complete the costume, I also wore an elf hat with ears, green leggings, elf socks and Christmas boxer shorts. That was 4 days befoe my Mom went to the hospital and didn't return. This year, no drive to do anything. I'll probably just wear a Christmas sweatshirt and be done with it. Addy thank you for reminding me of your one good thing.

labblab

12-07-2020, 10:54 AM

Well, I promised to let you know and apparently Zoe still needs her tree because all the lights still work and it is standing in a new spot in the condo waiting for her birds.
So that’s my one good thing today.

Oh Addy, for sure my one good thing of the day, too!!!! :):):):):):)

I’m soooooooooooooo glad...

labblab

12-25-2020, 08:27 AM

Christmas morning has dawned, and there’s even some snow on our rooftops here in Atlanta! We got to see some flurries last night as a storm front was pushed out by a very cold front coming in. What a nice gift at the end of this screwy year. It’s just hubby, Luna and me, but it was a cozy Christmas Eve with a big pot of soup and some binge-watching of old movie favorites. Cold, cold, cold this morning so Luna’s arthritic legs and my aversion to freezing my butt off means our neighborhood stroll will have to wait a few hours. So it’s off to bake a coffee cake to start the day, and then some egg nog as we check to see what Santa has left for us under the tree. (Spoiler alert: Luna will be getting a shiny new dog ID tag and a plush stuffed bone to carry around the house ;-).

In the meantime, I send my very best wishes to all our K9C family. Merry Christmas to all my friends. Peace on earth, good will to all living creatures. Stay safe, stay healthy, and God Bless All.

Marianne

mommyslittlegirl

12-25-2020, 02:58 PM

Merry Christmas to my family here on this site. Hopefully we look for next year to be a better year for all. Another year without my baby . But her special ornament sparkles from my tiny tree. Merry Christmas my little love . Mommy loves you

labblab

12-25-2020, 07:05 PM

Oh Dawn, how good to have you here with us once again. I know that no matter how many years pass, we miss our babies no less. But it’s so sweet that you have her ornament as a reminder of the joy she brought you at Christmas, and indeed every day.

Best wishes to you always, my friend.
Marianne

Joan2517

12-25-2020, 08:06 PM

Merry Christmas to all!

Lena's ornaments are on the tree just where I can see them from my spot on the couch. She was missed, and mentioned many times.

I put the dogs toys under the tree while Sibbie was napping, went upstairs to bring down the grandsons presents, and in the space of about 10 minutes she had gotten up and opened all of them! LOL! I managed to get a video of her shredding the paper on the last one :), she just loves new toys!

labblab

12-28-2020, 09:02 AM

Omigosh, Joan, I can just picture Sibbie’s joy and it makes me smile, too! Your tree is such a sweet bridge between your memories of Lena and the pleasures you share with Sibbie in the present moment.

I just read this quote this morning, and it really made me think. Apparently it was written some years ago by a Florida journalist named Jan Glidewell.

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.

Yes, it *really* makes me think. I’ve sure been doing an awful lot of clutching these past couple of years. And I do think I’m paying a price for that. But the past remains so dear to me that I’m not sure I even have the will to stretch my arms back out. At least not yet. But I do believe I’m paying a price. Maybe my task for this coming year is to try to build some more bridges, myself, between the past and the present so that I can travel more easily between the two. And maybe try out more embracing and less clutching. But will my arms ever feel as full again now as they did in the past? I don’t know that I’m brave enough yet to try to find out. But it’s sure something for me to think about this week as the new year arrives...

addy

01-02-2021, 02:05 PM

How wise your thoughts, Marianne. I do understand and have similar feelings. Past, present and future. I allow myself glimpses of the past and then tell myself don’t look back, yet I know the past is so intertwined with every fiber of my being that even good, joyful memories carry the weight of never more.

I dream of days gone by.
To understand
To hold a hand
I dream of days gone by.

I dream of days to come.
To hold so dear
No time to fear
I dream of days to come.

Happy New Year Everyone!
May we shed the weight of never more and dream of better days to come.

labblab

01-10-2021, 03:50 PM

Addy, thank you so much for your lovely poem, and I can think of no better way to gently close the door of this year’s K9C holiday house than by taking what you’ve written to heart. It’s really perfect.

In a few minutes, I’ll be heading off to take in my beautiful Christmas tree to be turned into mulch to bed a spring garden or a hiking trail. I’m so glad it will live on in a useful way, but the corner of the living room will sure look awfully dark again this evening...

Many thanks to all our family who stopped by to chat these last few weeks. Stay safe, stay healthy, and all best wishes for a much happier new year for us all.

Marianne

labblab

10-08-2021, 06:21 PM

Hey everybody, I decided that today’s the day to go ahead and reopen the doors to our annual autumn Holiday House! I think I’m a bit earlier than usual, but I see that Monday is Canadian Thanksgiving, and I wanted to be sure our House was all ready on the chance that any of our Canadian members might be dropping in. And even if not, this way we’ll have a head start on Halloween ;-)…

As I wrote on our “Pandemic” thread, I’m not sure what the plans are for our neighborhood kids this year. But even if we just repeat what we did last year — card table on the driveway with individual candy bags for the kids to pick up — that still turned out to be a lot of fun for me. So I’m going ahead and buying candy like usual (all my own favorites, of course, in case the kids *don’t* show up & we’re forced to eat it ourselves :-). And this afternoon I started to put up some decorations inside the house, with more to follow outside.

We’re so grateful to still have Luna alongside us. She gave us a scare last week. Her rear end definitely started collapsing even more and she didn’t want to eat at all for a couple of days. Things did not look good. But she seems to have now stabilized and plateaued at this new lower level, and we’re all hanging in there for now. The ceremonial orange Halloween collar will be all ready for her on the 31st and our fingers are surely crossed that she’ll be wanting to wear it. Our precious girl.

So that’s the news from my house on this (finally) lovely October evening — after four straight days of rain. It’s good to see a pretty orange sunset out of my window with Luna dozing on the couch alongside me. Take care, everybody, and please do stop by any time you feel like chatting. The *rules* remain the same as always: that there are no rules! Happy or sad, smiles or tears, good news or bad. We know the holidays can bring a wild mixture of emotions and memories. Nothing is off base, and nobody has to put on a brave face. We’ve got each other’s backs here, and always will. So please come on in any time you wish.

Best wishes always,
Marianne

Joan2517

10-08-2021, 11:37 PM

We must be on the same wave length, Marianne...I also started decorating inside today. This year I hung Lena's Boo shirt on the mantel in my Living Room...Sibbie has a new Halloween dress to wear. She also has a Pennywise tee shirt, just for Josh.

The weather has been perfect for outside decorating, so I've been doing a little at a time. Anything broken or not up to par goes in the garbage...no more hoarding! Hubby can't help much, so I have to wait for Juan, who is our handyman, to come and help me with hanging things that need a ladder. I'm not overdoing this year.

I love the Fall...soups simmering on the stove; pies/cakes cooking in the oven; air conditioners off/windows open to hear the birds during the day and the sounds at night; leaves changing color; and all the activities that we've done for years with the kids and now grandkids. Last year was sad, but this year most of the traditions are on again. Hopefully things will continue on the path to normal.

I hope Luna hangs on longer. Gable is having trouble getting up, he lays down a lot, and I noticed his back legs quivering. But he still seems happy, so I'm hoping for more time. His breathing seems better now that the weather is cooler, so maybe that was just the humidity. He doesn't want to stay out as much as he used to. Lena got that way too. It's hard to believe he's the same dog who used to climb up the steps and sit on top of the kid's playhouse and look out over the yard. He could never do that now. Cushing's has changed him just like it did Lena, but in different ways. She was so attached to me, but started avoiding me...and he was so independent, but now follows me around all the time. I step out of the shower and he's lying there waiting for me; in the kitchen I have to constantly be aware of where he is or I'll trip over him....maybe he's just gotten used to me being home all the time.

But for now, we are all still together. Another holiday season coming up. I really didn't think we would be here in this house for this one, but so far so good. Life is different, but still good.

Love to all!!

labblab

10-09-2021, 09:21 AM

Oh Joan, yep I think we’re on the same wavelength for sure! I love reading about your preparations, too, and especially about Lena’s Boo shirt going on the mantel. That is such a dear idea. I really am holding my breath that Luna will be able to wear the orange collar. We are really just taking things one day at a time. That’s all we can do. And I’m trying hard not to panic and to stay as calm as I can and savor each remaining day we’re given. She’s not hungry again this morning which makes me anxious, but hopefully her appetite will pick up again later in the day. She totally refuses her kibble, but this past week she has been willing to eat some canned food and also scrambled eggs when I offer it by hand. She can still make her trips out to the front yard to do her chores and sniff around for a few minutes. And she seems totally comfortable when she’s napping, which is most of the day now, too, like Gable. Remarkably, she can still jump up on the loveseat which is her favorite place to nap aside from her crate which is also in our living room. With her weak hind legs, I don’t know how she still can make that little jump, but I guess where there’s a will, there’s a way!

One of the hardest changes for me is that obviously the stairs are now totally out, and ever since Peg died, Luna had spent every night on her cushion at the foot of our own bed. That all changed two weekends ago when her rear end gave out even more. We keep the stairs blocked now so she won’t try them and fall. The first week I slept downstairs with her because I just couldn’t bear for her to be alone. But she’s a really heavy sleeper and seemed to be fine, so we set up her dogbed at the foot of the stairs and I’m now back in my own bed, too. Several mornings now I’ve found her on her bed when I’ve come down, and that has made me feel a little better about things. Dang, if only she was a little dog we could carry her up and down and all around. But as big as she is, she can only go to the places she can manage on her own. But her tail is still wagging and her own spirit is calm so I’m trying to follow her lead as best I can. And as I say, fingers crossed that she’ll be sporting her orange collar come the 31st!

gingerbread

10-13-2021, 12:04 AM

Good evening everyone. Like you all, the decorations are beginning to go up around town here. The cool temperatures are so welcomed. Some of the trees are beginning to turn and I hope we get plenty of color this fall. This was Gingers favorite time of year. I think because it wasn't so hot. She could walk and walk and walk. She especially loved when the leaves had fallen. She would find the deepest piles and march right through them. I don't know if she liked the noise it made, or just the fact that it was something different. I pray Luna will do well, feel good and enjoy her orange collar! My heart reaches across the miles with hugs for both of you and journeys with your precious pups. I have to admit, the first color changes I saw and the first crisp morning brought me to tears. I so longed for another fall with Ginger. 31 weeks have past and sometimes still it feels like yesterday.
Of course after fall, I would want just one more winter as Ging loved the snow.. her little feet got cold quick, but she loved to walk in it, eat it as she walked and roll in as much as she could!! I am already feeling the anxiousness of my first snow, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas without her.
I would still take this pain and grief every day though to spare her.. BUT I STILL WANT HER BACK! ( But healthy)
Blessing to all.
Colleen

labblab

10-15-2021, 08:54 AM

Hi Colleen <waving!!>, we’re so glad you’ve joined us :-))). We’ll be right here beside you as you face all these holiday “firsts.” For sure, the holidays seem to multiply both the sweet memories and also the pain. For me, that has turned out to be a double-edged sword — it’s been hard for me to try to craft some new traditions because, truthfully, I’m still not ready to let loose of the past. I’m still trying to figure out how to negotiate that path, myself. This will be the third set of holidays without my mom. The first year was awful; last year was more mixed. Ironically, maybe due to the pandemic, it felt less surprising to just be hubby, Luna and me. This year is starting to feel a lot harder for me again. Like yep, she’s really, really never gonna be here with us again. And our worry over Luna isn’t helping things, either. But the flip side is that Luna *is* still with us, so I’m trying my best to savor every holiday tradition with her that I can — like the orange collar.

I love hearing about Ginger’s joy in the leaves and the snow. My doggies have surely taught me how to see the beauties of nature in a different way — by keeping my eyes and ears a lot closer to the ground! I’ll never know what all it is that they’re smelling, but boy, it’s got to be special ;-).

That’s so neat that you’re starting to get fall color out there. It seems like we’re starting late here in north Georgia. We’ve been so wet all summer and I’m not sure whether that helps or hurts in terms of color. And as dry as it’s been in so much of the west, I’m thinking the eastern slope of the Front Range has actually been OK as far as moisture this year? But again, if so, does that help or hurt the color?

I went to college in Boulder, and one of the best days of my life was an autumn day trip with friends to Vail. It was a perfect crystalline October day. Brilliant blue sky, and the aspen at their peak. I sucked the beauty into every pore of my body, I think! When I close my eyes, I swear I can still feel the beauty of that day. It was so special. And I can tell that you’ll always carry the joy of those special days spent with Ginger inside your heart, as well. But the flip side is that it makes the pain of the absence and the loss even deeper. I’m so sorry about that part. But we love sharing your memories with you, though, and we’ll sit right here beside you through any tears. So once again, welcome to our House for the holidays!

gingerbread

10-16-2021, 12:18 AM

Hi Marianne,
Always appreciate the support and I am so very thankful for that. I know I will need it.
First, I am so sorry about your mom. I understand. I lost my dad July 2016 and the first holiday season was horrible. We were blessed to have him 91 years and even though he had dementia, his death was unexpected. Mom is not battling dementia herself. She turned 91 in May. They married when she was 17 and a junior in high school. They had just celebrated their 69th wedding anniversary the month before daddy passed. It really devastated her. Thankful our family is a good support system.
Dad and Ginger were the best of friends. When he would have a sandwich in the livingroom, Ginger would hop up in the recliner and hang her front feet over the arm and just watch daddy. He always saved her a little bite.
I have a great set of pictures of the 2 of them.
When I raked leaves in Colorado, as I had mentioned before Ging loved playing in them. The funniest thing was after I filled a big black leaf bag, she would hop up in the bag and just sit there! It was the funniest and cutest thing ever. I have a picture of that too!
Also on the fall color change, it usually takes a damp growing season and dry cool fall, but not freezing. The Aspen trees as well as the ones here in Indiana as the same. We moved here to Indiana when my mom, dad and sister moved here. Dad needed oxygen in Colorado and when they came out for one of my other sisters daughters graduation, they realized daddy did not need the oxygen here, so mom said they were not going back to Colorado.
So we moved out here to help with dad.. and now mom.
Love it here.. small town, plenty of farmland much slower pace.

labblab

10-16-2021, 10:56 AM

Aha, so you’re in Indiana now! I was born and raised in Iowa, went to college in Colorado (we flat-landers do love the mountains!) where I met hubby, then we lived in Los Angeles for a few years (his original home), but now have been in Atlanta ever after. I spent far less years of my life in Iowa, but honestly it’ll always remain “home” to me, after all.

We would love to see those photos of Ginger. If you’d like, you can email them to us at k9cushings@gmail.com and maybe I (or more likely another staffer who’s much better at manipulating photos ;-) can get them uploaded into a reply here. I’m such a doofus myself that I can’t make any promises, but I’m surely willing to try!

gingerbread

10-16-2021, 01:42 PM

I will definitely do that! You will love them. Thank you so much!

gingerbread

10-27-2021, 11:37 AM

Ging loved Halloween. Not so much the holiday, but seeing all the people. She would sit in the window watching and waiting.. as soon as she caught a glimpse of someone coming up the walk, her tail wagged as fast as it could go!. I truly think she thought everyone was coming to see HER!
She loved everyone and never met a stranger..
I will miss that so much this year.

Joan2517

10-27-2021, 05:04 PM

I miss that every Halloween. Lena loved to sit on the stoop with me while I handed out candy to the kids. Someone always wanted to take a picture of her, or her with their kids. Sibbie hates all the costumes and doesn't like anyone touching her but us. Then there's the other ones barking at every single person either coming to the door or just walking past...and it's on Sunday this year! Arghhh! A whole day of my dogs barking...It used to be one of my favorite holidays :(

I miss my good, little baby...

gingerbread

10-28-2021, 12:57 AM

Sending hugs!! We are having so many " firsts" without Ginger it seems like we just get past one and dry the tears, and another comes up. So very thankful for all the wonderful years and memories... but the hurt is still there.
Colleen

P.S. My pumpkin this year!
She loved seeing the kids…8722

labblab

10-29-2021, 11:12 AM

Colleen, I did it! Finally figured out how to add your photo!! So here’s Angel Ginger for everybody to see.;););)

Your pumpkin is amazing, and lit by an angel’s glowing spirit, for sure! I just love it…

(I’ll also go back and try to add your other photos later on in another reply ;-)

Love, Marianne

gingerbread

10-29-2021, 07:19 PM

Woohoo! You rock! I will see if I can see her on here. Thank you so much.
Love, Colleen!

gingerbread

10-29-2021, 11:26 PM

Saw it! Wonderful! Thanks so much.

Joan2517

10-30-2021, 09:55 AM

What a great pumpkin!

gingerbread

10-30-2021, 06:47 PM

Thanks Joan..
Sending love and hugs!

gingerbread

10-31-2021, 11:11 PM

Aa we come to the close of Halloween, I hope you all had a nice day and fun evening. Our weather was cloudy, a bit windy and chilly, but for the last day of October it wasn't bad at all. The trees are just beautiful...
Ginger would have loved today, with a capital "L"
Perfect weather for her.. and plenty of leaves to rustle through. Missed her being here so very much. She added so much joy to every day! There were about 30 Trick or Treaters tonight.. cute costumes.. I know she would have enjoyed each one, " especially with the scent of chocolate in the air and possibly on their hands!"
She has changed me.. with her life, and more so with her passing... there is not another piece of this puzzle we call life that will ever correctly fit that missing void again.

labblab

11-01-2021, 08:46 AM

And now it is the morning after…I confess to feeling a bit let down because I do love Halloween so much, and now there’ll be another whole year to wait! My most important report is that Luna did get to wear the orange collar. She wasn’t able to greet any kids at the door because we decided to stick with setting up a card table with help-yourself treat baggies out on the lawn. After three chilly days of rain, yesterday was finally dry. Still chilly and breezy, but that made it feel genuinely like fall. We had about forty kids come by, and they all seemed to be having a great time as we waved and called out to them. And hubby and I admired Luna’s collar inside the house all evening. We told her how special and pretty she was. Many, many times. She continues to grow weaker, and eats less and less. But we were able to share one more Halloween with her and that was a huge gift. As you say, Colleen, everything will be different at some point in the future. So yesterday was a massive gift indeed.

It turned out to be a relatively early night of trick or treating, I think because so many families here in Atlanta wanted to tune into the World Series. We were all hoping for the final victory here last night, but alas it was not to be. Maybe tomorrow. We’ll see. Anyway, now it’s back to the mundane chores of the day. But we got our special evening with the orange collar, and that’ll stay in the memory book forever.

gingerbread

11-02-2021, 12:12 AM

I am so thankfully Luna got to wear her orange collar once again! Definitely a memory that will last a lifetime. How old is Luna? Bless her heart. I have been keeping her, and you and yours in my prayers daily.
Sending love and hugs.

gingerbread

11-07-2021, 11:06 AM

8 long months, 35 weeks since we said goodbye to our sweet, sweet Ginger. The last 3 or 4 days have been extremely difficult. Sometimes we never know why and I am trying to learn that that is ok. I came across this quote and it helped ease it a little, yet the pool of tears are still resting just behind my eyelids.
"It's ok if you thought you were over it, but it hits you all over again. It's ok to fall apart even if you thought you had it all under control. You are not weak. Healing is messy. And there's no timeline for healing."
Hope this brings some help to others.
Be blessed.

labblab

11-08-2021, 09:12 AM

Colleen, thank you so much for sharing that quote. I think it’s so wise and so true. As time passes , I think it can be hard, sometimes, for us to give *ourselves* permission to continue to grieve. I don’t think our culture is very supportive in that way. Especially with pets, so many people expect you to “get over it” and move on. What they don’t understand is that you don’t ever get over it. You just have to find a way to live with it, and forever some days will be much harder than others.

This has been a hard week for our family in a lot of ways. Two days after Halloween, our Joan lost her dear big boy Gable after he suddenly fell ill on Halloween night. She has a thread about him on our “Everything Else” forum. Gable has been aging alongside my Luna, and Joan and I have been comparing lots of notes during these past few months. Losing Gable has been a very sad shock for me, too, as though Luna has lost her brother from across the miles. And as it turns out, Luna is continuing her down-slide this week, too. She turned 13 in August, and is now the longest-lived of the three Labs my husband and I have been blessed with. We’re so very lucky she’s had a normal lifespan, but we know the end is in sight. She’s weaker and stumbling a lot more this week, and basically stopped eating and drinking again for a couple of days. I talked at length with our vet on Thursday, and as anybody who has ever owned a Lab knows, inappetance is a very bad sign. But at this point we’re done with diagnostics. We’re just keeping her comfortable here at home, and she still does seem comfortable and “herself.” He prescribed a daily appetite stimulant for her and that really seemed to help over the weekend. But my heart sank this morning when she once again turned her head away from the breakfast I offered her. At this point, I never know what any given day will bring, just like with Gable. But our vet has raised all our dogs right alongside us, he knows where things stand, and he reassured me that he’ll be there for us whenever we think the time has come. One day or one month or more, I do not know. We just keep loving on her every minute we can.

When Gable passed away, I was looking for some words of comfort to share, too. I couldn’t find the quote I was hunting for, but I did find this quote that I added to Gable’s thread. I think I’ll add it here, too, because it really touches my heart. It’s a quote from Winnie the Pooh, and it’s underneath a picture of Pooh holding Piglet’s hand:

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

As I said to Joan, “lucky” is not a word I’d have thought of right now for any of us who are struggling. But gosh, it really is true at least for me. I’m so lucky to have had all my doggies share their lives with me, and that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself. Maybe that’ll help balance the pain a tiny bit. Probably not really, but I’m hoping I can try…

Joan2517

11-08-2021, 09:50 AM

Here is a quote from a plaque my sister gave me the Xmas after Lena died. Josh was here with me yesterday and we were trying to remember what it said. I have been in a fog all week and just couldn't get it right even though I have read it almost every day for the last five years. I had taken it down to decorate for Halloween and couldn't remember where I put it, but I found it this morning. I don't know who wrote it, it says anonymous. Maybe it will help all of us...

It came to me that every time I lose a dog
they take a piece of my heart with them,
and every new dog who comes into my life
gifts me with a piece of their heart.

If I live long enough
all the components of my heart will be dog,
and I will become as generous and loving as they are.

gingerbread

11-08-2021, 04:13 PM

Thank you both so much!! Both quotes ring so true...
I am very thankful for every day of the 16 years, 1 month, 7 days we shared with our Ginger.( she was 5 months old when we got her.). Yes, to love so much it makes goodbye so hard, we are lucky, fortunate and blessed.. I so want to have a heart like Gingers
There will be days I will think of this. Perhaps not today.. but eventually.. sending much love and hugs to both of you..

gingerbread

11-19-2021, 03:43 PM

Starting to feel a little more anxious with Thanksgiving coming up. Trying to keep my focus on all the Thanksgivings we got to share with Ginger, but it's hard sometimes. She loved it so. She was always right there in the kitchen laying, waiting patiently for the Turkey to get done. Beautiful brown eyes glistening with anticipation.. now mine glisten with tears....

labblab

11-20-2021, 09:15 AM

The memories of our beloved traditions are such a mixed bag, aren’t they, or at least they are for me. In some ways my memories keep my angels always close to my heart. In other ways, they only widen the gulf between my emptier life today and joyful times in the past.

My mom would have been 102 today. We lost her almost three years ago, and I miss her every day but especially so again today. I should be planning her birthday celebration and looking ahead to baking together next week. I treasure the memories, but it does hurt so much that memories are all I have left of our lives together.

Fingers crossed we’ll be leaving for Tennessee on Tuesday to spend Thanksgiving with my brother’s family. This is our first trip since COVID began, and the first time seeing them all in person instead of Zoom! The last two Thanksgivings without my mom were probably my two hardest days ever without her, so I’m holding out hope for a better time this year. Of course Luna is the wild card. I’m praying she stays stable enough for the trip to go OK. We’ll be staying in a hotel, and we’ll be leaving her all quiet and cozy in her big travel crate while we’re spending time with family. She loves her crate and never barks, so that’s all good. But will she eat? I sure hope so. The appetite stimulant seems to be helping, thank goodness. And yesterday morning, she seemed the best overall that she’d been for a while. I felt so hopeful for the week ahead. And then, she started shaking her ears and when I checked them I found *fleas* on them! FLEAS!! And yes, more fleas everywhere!!! OMG.

In thirty years with dogs, we’d never before seen a single flea. Not one. So I’d quit with flea preventative a few years back — one less thing to cause any side effects, I’d thought. And now my poor baby who hardly even steps foot outside is being bitten by fleas, and probably has been for a while. OMG. What a horrible mother I am. I can’t imagine how she got them. Although now she is so feeble that when she does go out on the front lawn to do her chores, she sometimes lies down on the grass for a minute or two. So that must be it. Anyway, I rushed to the vet and gave her the edible that kills all the living fleas in a few hours and I’ve vacuumed twice already and scalded all her blankets and towels in hot water and the dryer. *Anything* that’s to go on the trip with us will be thoroughly washed and segregated. I surely don’t want to take a single egg up there to pass on to anyone else! And thankfully she ate a decent breakfast this morning so the pill must not have upset her stomach. But seriously. Did I need fleas? No I did not. But at least I found them yesterday instead of Tuesday morning, so there *is* that…

Anyway, that’s where things stand in our house for today. I’ll be busying myself with more cleaning chores today and lighting a candle for my mom tonight. And looking ahead to next week when a new and hopefully joyful Thanksgiving memory will be made. I’m so ready to let others do the cooking this year since it’s so sad for me not to be cooking with my mom. But mainly I’m so ready to be spending time with family once again. It’ll be a very small group, but still I am sooooooo ready for that. It feels like it’s been forever…

gingerbread

11-20-2021, 10:42 PM

I am sending you lots of hugs today and wish your mom a Happy Birthday in Heaven! The first few Birthday's of my dads after he passed were terrible! Just heart wrenching. The holidays were extremely difficult also! I understand so very much.. daddy was my music buddy, my idol, my Hero!
Now with Ginger gone... it will be 2 empty places this holiday season.. I cherish all of the memories they each hold.. But I know and expect and accept that these will be difficult without our little girl.
The fleas... yuck, yuck, yuck,... I am sorry about that, but glad you found them before your trip. I am praying Luna does well. I am thankful she is eating.. I pray for safe travels and a truly wonderful Thanksgiving for you and yours!

labblab

11-21-2021, 08:34 AM

Oh Colleen, thank you so much for your hugs and your kind words! I really, really appreciate them.

And I just now went back and found I was able to add your sweet photo of your Daddy and Ginger. Whew! So here are your two sweethearts for all our family to share with you now. Forever in our hearts. Forever!

8725

gingerbread

11-21-2021, 11:06 AM

Awww... thank you so much!

labblab

11-22-2021, 08:15 AM

In the midst of some early morning internet surfing, I came across this graphic that stopped me in my tracks. The graphic illustrates a model of grief that was first proposed by Dr. Lois Tonkin back in 1996. In discovering the graphic, I also discovered a website that looks to provide a lot of grief support (https://whatsyourgrief.com/). I’ll be checking out the website in more detail later on. But in the meantime, here’s the graphic of Dr. Tonkin’s model. It brings me comfort and also hope for growing some new memories for our family at the beginning of this Thanksgiving week.

8726

Joan2517

11-23-2021, 08:29 PM

Have a good trip, Marianne! And a very Happy Thanksgiving!

gingerbread

11-25-2021, 05:10 PM

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all! A few tears, some regrets and a lot of loneliness without our sweet Ginger.. the firsts are oh so difficult. But I am reminded of all those 15 wonderful Thanksgivings we did get to share with her and how spoiled she was! I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Hope this finds you all well and praying the good memories of the past and the ones you are making today truly soften the broken hearts, even if just a little.

labblab

12-06-2021, 08:20 AM

Well, Thanksgiving is in the memory book now and today I start to pull out Christmas decorations. There were some bumps with our trip, but overall I’m very glad we went. Also very glad we’re safely home again, though. Traveling was definitely a strain on Luna, and she’s wobblier now than beforehand. But miraculously, her appetite seems back to normal. Don’t know whether it’s the appetite stimulant that we’re still giving her, or getting rid of those darn fleas, or just good fortune. But at least that’s one stress that’s been relieved, at least for the moment.

The weather is making it hard to feel very Christmasy. Record-breaking heat last week, and now a rainy stretch ahead of us. We picked out our tree in shirt sleeves on Wednesday; it’s soaking in a tub of water in the basement until this weekend when we’ll put it up. But I’ll start in with a few other decorations today. Most will just stay in the boxes since we’ll still be doing no entertaining this year and my house generally remains so cluttered that they’d just be lost from view even if I did put them out :-((((((. You can guess what my New Year’s resolution is gonna be…

All in all, feeling pretty melancholy this morning. I don’t mean to complain since we’re still so much luckier in the midst of the pandemic than so many. But it’s hard not to reflect on those happier days when I’d be bustling around to prepare for holiday guests and family feasts. I knew when my mom died that I’d need to forge some new traditions. But then along came COVID and I feel like I’m still in suspended animation. I need to be looking forward but for now it’s a lot easier to keep looking backward. So that’s where I am on this rainy morning, hauling out my boxes and revisiting my ghosts of Christmases past…

gingerbread

12-09-2021, 07:52 PM

Hello.
Glad you are home safely and Luna's appetite is better. We are unseasonably warm here in Indiana also. Hope we have a white Christmas at least. I understand the melancholy feeling. Things are never the same after loosing a parent... it is hard to look forward because we have so many memories behind us.
It is the same with our sweet Ginger. Am feeling so anxious.. her stocking is hung because it didn't feel right to not hang it, yet it is heartbreaking to not shop for her. I am right there with you and for you.

Squirt's Mom

12-22-2021, 12:10 PM

Marianne, I am so glad you got to take your trip and so very happy Luna did as well as she did. I pray you have many, many more memories to make with your sweet girl.

Holidays for me aren't much fun any more. Especially since COVID hit....most of my family doesn't believe in the virus and refuses the vaccines so I haven't been able to spend time with them in almost 2 years. A few brief visits outside is about it. So Thanksgiving was me and the dogs with a meal provided by the church. But we had a peaceful, restful day, glad to have each other, a warm home, good food, and plenty of love to go around. This past Sat. I took my grandsons shopping and out to eat for their Christmas and we had a great time. They got to pick out some clothes, shoes, art and craft supplies, as well as some oddities that caught their fancy. I was thrilled when they said they wanted to shop for art supplies! The oldest grand one (20) is very creative and artistic, the youngest (almost 17) has had his creativity stifled but it's starting to peek out slowly these days. Life wouldn't be worth fighting for without them.

This last year has been hard...actually the last 2 years. The youngest grand had a tumultuous year that resulted in complete upheaval of the only life he's ever known leading him to a state of intense trauma that required some in-house professional help. He lived with me for several months until his dad was able to take him. He is still fragile but doing much better thankfully. In fact, he seems happier and more content than I have seen him in years. No one had any idea what he was suffering all that time. :(

Something is still wrong with my digestive system and recently I started rapid weight loss - 7 lbs in one week for example. So now my docs have stopped ignoring me and looking at me as if I have a loose screw and are going to start testing all over again after the first of the year. They've been telling me it's due to NAFLD (non-alcoholic fatty liver disease) and nothing can be done at this stage. They have come full circle and now think it's gallbladder again even tho that was ruled out repeatedly over the last 2 years. Apparently there is one test they could have done but haven't for that organ. LOL Anyhooooo....being sick almost every day with nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, weakness, and pain has resulted in some depression. The things I would typically do to keep my mind occupied just haven't been possible so that leaves me alone with my mind...and that ain't a good thang usually. ;) I had stopped decorating for Christmas for the most part a few years ago but the last 2 I simply haven't been able to muster any desire or energy for that at all. And I used to go overboard. I miss that excitement when those totes are opened and all those shiny meaningful ornaments are laid out for placement on the tree....but I don't miss the work involved. LOL I have separated the ornaments into large totes for each of the boys, given away most of my decorations, and keep the rest tucked away in the closet thinking maybe one day.

These things and others (like internet issues, computer issues, cataract surgeries) have kept me offline a great deal and that's not really a bad thing but it has meant I am out of the loop often. Facebook is becoming very frustrating on MANY levels and most days it is a forced affair for me to sign on there and participate in anything. But this place is, has been, and always will be special; it's home. It's where my Squirt and Trinket and Brick and Crys and so many others shared their lives...it's where they are kept safe. And I have missed this place and all of you more than I can find the words to express. I am going to do my utmost to be here more often in the time to come. This is where I belong.

It is my fervent prayer that each of you have the most wonderful, blessed Holiday season possible. That you all stay safe and well and whole. That your hearts be filled every day with joy, love, and laughter. That your Souls find peace and hope in every breath you take. That you are able to find pleasure in your loved ones and the times you share together. And that the coming year is the best you've ever known.

Merry Christmas, K9Cushing's Family, and a Happy New Year!
Leslie, Bud, Tilly, and Sophie

mytil

12-24-2021, 07:20 AM

Firstly I want to wish our cushings family here a happy holiday season!!!! However you celebrate it, it is a time that has a special meaning for all - maybe a time for reflection, remembering and renewal.
We lost our boy, Clancy, on Christmas eve so many years ago and it seems like yesterday! We also lost our Myclan between Christmas and New Years several years ago. Needless to say the Holidays are incredibly hard for me; even after all this time. But we do smile here as the wonderful memories of our "puppers" shine through.
May peace and good health greet everyone of you this Season!
You all are part of a very special family here!!!
Terry

labblab

12-24-2021, 09:10 AM

Oh Terry and Leslie, it’s so good to hear from you guys! Although I’m beyond sorry that you’re still feeling so poorly, Les. I’ll sure be keeping you in my thoughts and we’ll be anxious to hear any updates about your testing. This has dragged on for far too long, now, and I hope your doctors will finally get cracking. And I totally understand about downsizing the decorating. Even without your health issues, I haven’t had either the will or energy to set out very many decorations this year. We did get our tree put up, though, even though it’s a bit smaller than in years past. And I did find comfort in hanging my most special ornaments once again, in honor of beloved family and friends. I especially treasure those that have been gifted to me — I know you totally understand about that, Les. I’m so glad you had such a special time with your grandsons. I’m sure that was probably the greatest Christmas gift you could have received. Hang in there, my very dear friend, and my fondest wish for you in this coming year is a return to better health!

And Terry, Omigoodness, it wouldn’t feel like Christmas without having the chance to greet you, too! All the years we’ve been like sisters together tending the ILM forum — through the good and the bad. I do know how poignant the holidays have to be for you, what with your losses. And I always think of Patrick and Rags, too (for our other readers, they were dear members of our K9C family who we lost at Christmastime many years ago). Sooooooo many memories of *everything* we’ve shared together — thanks so much for stopping by once again!

Merry Christmas to you both, and to all the rest of our dear family!

gingerbread

12-26-2021, 01:23 AM

Hello all and Merry Christmas. I hope each of you had a blessed day.
Ours was a mixture.. our first without sweet Ginger. Every moment I felt her absence.. the lump in my throat and ache in my heart were almost unbearable at times. I. ( we. My husband and I) did our best to busy ourselves with a quick breakfast, kitchen clean up, then over to my mom and sisters. I think getting out of the house and visiting there and helping out with dinner and things helped temporarily. We both still thought of Ginger every moment. but the busyness helped distract the loneliness and kept the tears at bay for the most part. I hated seeing her empty stocking under the tree, yet I couldn't not put it out.
I wrote a poem about her and the loss of my dad. This marks our 5th Christmas without him. I will try to copy and past here. I find strength in being here among those that truly understand.. blessing to all. Colleen.
Empty collar,
Empty chair.
Hard to believe
You're both not here.
Lump in my throat
Tears in my eyes
You both were
My hardest goodbyes.
A little piece
Here and there,
Holes in my heart
That won't repair.
You took with you
The very best.
Of my heart
And left the rest.
I'll try to fill it
Best I can.
Unconditional love,
Lend a helping hand.
But no amount
Will fill those parts,
Reserved for you
Deep in my heart.
So thankful for
The time we had.
Miss you Ginger,
Miss you Dad!

12-23-24.

labblab

12-26-2021, 12:11 PM

Dear Colleen, your poem touches my own heart beyond measure. Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us who join you in loss. Our memories are both our joy and our sorrow; our comfort and our pain. What you’ve written is so sad, yet also so sweet and so true. You are truly gifted, my friend, to be able to give voice to your (our!) feelings in this way and your words are so meaningful to us all.

In loving memory of all our angels, and in loving gratitude for our dear K9C family here. We “Support…Educate…Encourage…Remember” one another. Today and always.

gingerbread

01-02-2022, 03:03 PM

43 weeks!!!! My birthday, Gingers birthday. Halloween, Thanksgiving, my husband's birthday. Christmas, New Years. And my Daddy's birthday tomorrow( what would have been his 97th).... each and all of these have been firsts without my sweet Ginger! Her absence has hit like a ton of bricks.... my emotions have been a roller coaster.. wanting to celebrate each, celebrate the season, yet longing to hold her. Share with her. Include her as we did each and every year.. I embrace her memories, am thankful for each one but only through tear filled eyes.

labblab

01-07-2022, 03:26 PM

Oh Colleen, I so understand. Every anniversary is hard, but I do believe the year of “firsts” is especially piercing. I’m so glad you’ve joined us here in our holiday house this year, though. I know you’ve had many rough moments yourself, but your kindness to the rest of us has eased *our* hearts, as well. So we thank you for being here and for supporting all our family.

And on this sunny, cold day in Georgia, I’m feeling as though the doors to this year’s house are preparing to close for another year. Tomorrow we’ll be taking down our beautiful tree and driving it over to be turned into mulch for gardens and trails. I’ll dearly miss its twinkling lights every night and early each morning. But for myself, today feels as though the holidays are now behind us once again. It’ll take a while for me to pack away all the other decorations. But once the tree has left us, the spirit of the holiday season seems to depart for me, as well. A bittersweet day, for sure.

I surely want to thank everybody who has stopped by to see us this year. I’m saddened to be missing seeing some old friends here, but I’m so hoping that their absence is due to their lives being filled with other new, good experiences as time continues to march on. Best wishes to all our family in the coming year, wherever they may be. Stay safe, and be well!

Marianne

gingerbread

01-22-2022, 08:58 AM

17 years ago today, my( our) life changed forever!��❤.. you came into our lives a 5 month old precious tiny pup. So needy, so loving, so full of life. We celebrated 16 birthdays and 16 " welcome homes" with you! 15 Thanksgivings and Christmases! We are indeed grateful and thankful for every single day. You filled our lives with so much joy! It was so fulfilling to be so needed, so loved unconditionally. Miss you every single day Ginger...
Hope you all are well and staying warm.

labblab

10-21-2022, 07:39 AM

Well, here we are, already near the end of October 2022! Can you believe it? Halloween is almost upon us, and it’s time to reopen the doors to our autumn holiday house once again. You guys all know the drill by now — any time you feel as though you’d welcome some company during the coming days, we’ll be here to join you.

The biggest news on my end is simply that sweet Luna is still with us. She’s very fragile and we truly take things one day at a time. But she’s still here, and the orange collar is awaiting her on Halloween should she feel up to wearing it. I so hope she will. We have no other special plans for now. The Halloween candy has been bought and our pumpkins are on the front porch awaiting carving. Last year we had the pleasure of watching our Atlanta Braves in the baseball playoffs all through October and into the World Series over Halloween weekend. Sadly, that won’t be repeated for us. But I’m hoping that Halloween will still be a fun night for us, regardless.

It has turned cold early for us this year, with our first frosts over the last couple of nights. So my pots of summer flowers are goners, but I freshly planted some pansies (orange and purple blooms, of course!) to launch Halloween and to take us through the winter. They can survive the winters here in Atlanta, and then they’ll really thrive in early spring.

So that’s the October news from our house. As always, I send my warmest holiday wishes to all our family, and I hope to see some of you dropping by to visit during the coming weeks.

Love, Marianne

Joan2517

10-21-2022, 10:44 AM

This Halloween will be one year since Gable got sick and died two days later. I have decorated a little, not as much as in the past. I just don't feel like it.

Josh and I have spent almost every Sunday checking out all the Spirit Halloween stores within a 20 mile car ride. We've done seven so far! Sibbie comes with us even though she hates the animatronics. It's been fun doing things with him again. He's got his Haunt set up in his basement with all his old, and new creatures. But both Josh and Alex have outgrown the tame traditions of the past and I am not into the gruesome haunted houses anymore.

The front is decorated, candy bought, and I've also got my mums and pumpkins set out front. I can't believe the holidays are upon us once again...

Happy Halloween to all!

labblab

10-22-2022, 08:38 AM

Oh Joan, I sure do remember how awful last Halloween turned out to be for you. I’m very proud of you for decorating at all! I know it’ll be impossible for you to ever forget the linkage. The older I get myself, I realize that I have far more holidays behind me than I have in front of me, and each one now carries a myriad of memories, both good and sorrowful. I’m trying to still honor all the good memories as best I can, but I sure do understand why this Halloween is especially hard for you.

In honesty, I’m entering this whole holiday season with less anticipation than usual, myself. I’m not sure why. Luna’s health always weighs on my mind these days. And the last two years of COVID has also changed all the holiday equations. I plan to resume handing out candy at the door again this year, but will be wearing a mask myself (it’s nice that masks are the norm for Halloween, anyway!). To be honest, I’m as wary about flu as I am about COVID. Georgia currently has the worst flu outbreak in the country, and little kids here are *really* sick. The children’s hospitals here are overflowing, and whenever I’m out and about, I hear kids coughing their heads off. Yikes. We’ve gotten both our flu shots and new COVID boosters, but yes, I’ll definitely be wearing a mask at the door!

And at this point, I’m guessing that Thanksgiving and Christmas will both be pretty quiet events here at home. We can’t travel with Luna, and I don’t think other family members will be heading our way this year. So the decorations I put up are to please ourselves, and we just don’t need a whole lot. But the favorites will still come out of the closets and the basement. Traditions do mean a lot to me, and I’m hoping that Halloween night will still bring some of the joy and magic for me that I’ve always felt since being a little kid. Only a week to go now!

Joan2517

10-23-2022, 12:15 AM

Yes, things are so different now, especially worrying about flu, Covid, the dogs getting older. Doree is 17 or 18 this year and a constant worry. She's almost blind from cataracts, her back is so bad, and her poor little hind legs keep popping out...but she still knows her dad and since he sits in the chair with her all day she's content. He is so tired from the chemo pills, and probably the cancer, so they just cuddle up during the day and then I sleep down here while she is in the playpen. I don't let her wander anymore at night. She forgets where she is and gets panicky, and falls a lot.

I also have out my favorite decorations, and I will hand out the candy like I always do. I have such fond memories of me and Lena sitting on the stoop giving out candy. She loved seeing all the kids and so many pictures of her were taken with them. I know she would want me to keep doing it and it makes me feel close to her. Sibbie hates all the costumes and barks at them, LOL!

I so hope Luna gets to wear the orange collar for Halloween. I know how hard it is not to worry...

Take care of yourselves and give her a big kiss from me!

Love, Joan

labblab

11-01-2022, 08:11 AM

Well, it’s a very foggy spooky morning after, and it has made it cozy to sleep a bit later. Halloween 2022 is now in the books. Yesterday Luna did well, for her, and wore the orange collar with style. Yay!!!! It was a relatively quiet evening in our neighborhood with far fewer kids out-and-about than the last couple of years. Maybe the loosening of COVID restrictions prompted more parties and organized group events this time around? It’s always so hard to predict just how much candy to buy, and this year we’ve got a lot left over. But over time, hubby and I will be able to take care of that problem, I’m sure ;-).

I’ll go ahead and leave my Halloween decorations up until the weekend because I love them so. And then it’ll be the shift to Thanksgiving as the holidays march onward.

In the meantime, I’m especially thinking of you today and tomorrow, Joan. I know how tough these memories have to be. And I’m especially thinking of sweet Gable. He’s forever in our hearts, today and always, and we’ll never forget him.

Love, Marianne

gingerbread

11-16-2022, 08:28 PM

The Holidays are upon again..
How I long to see those 4 little feet rustling through the piles of leaves. Leaves so deep all I can see is a happy little face and tail standing erect! How Ginger loved making all the noise she could in those leaves..
Next week she would be right by my side in the kitchen as the ham and Turkey cooked.. waiting for me to " "accidentally" drop a small piece now and then. Those big brown eyes waiting in anticipation. The Holidays truly are the hardest, the most empty... cherish every moment with your precious pups, your families..
Blessings to all, Colleen

labblab

11-19-2022, 01:33 PM

Hi there Colleen! Yep, the holidays can truly be so hard. And of them all, I think Thanksgiving has been the hardest for me ever since my mom died three years ago. I know I've talked about this before, but she was such a wonderful cook and baker, and sharing Thanksgiving with her was always such a special joy. In recent years while she was still alive, we'd only hosted small gatherings at my house, but having her alongside me in the kitchen was such a blessing. She knew just how to time everything, and even towards the end when she didn't feel like doing the cooking herself, she'd sit on a chair and coach me as I bustled around. And she *always* still made the pumpkin pie herself, with crust from scratch. Her special added ingredient was molasses. This week, when I see the molasses jar on the shelf, I still just want to cry.

Of course, COVID hasn't helped things. Because we felt afraid to travel in 2020, it was just hubby, Luna, and me here at home. Boy, I missed my mom so much I swore that we had to do something different last year. So we packed up Luna and ourselves and drove up to spend the week with my brother and his family in Tennessee. Given Luna's frailty, the traveling and hotel stay was stressful. But Turkey Day itself, spent alongside our larger family, was a relief to me. I had no cooking responsibilties, and just got to socialize and eat! We'd likely be doing a repeat this year, except Luna is now far too fragile to travel at all. And I don't feel like trying to coordinate with anybody else here locally. I totally realize this is my bad, not even to try to make things cheerier for myself. But I just don't feel like it. Said no depressed person anywhere, anytime: "Let me schedule a big group activity that I have to be cheery and "up" and responsible for!!" So it'll be hubby, Luna, and myself once again. Since I have absolutely no expectations, though, maybe the holiday will turn out OK after all. I do love to eat, and since I'm only cooking for ourselves, I can make exactly what I want to. And having Luna here with us yet again for another Thanksgiving is absolutely a gift that I shall not overlook. But for the most part, I'll just be piddling around the house this next week. So if anyone wants to stop by here to chat, I'll be available. And I do definitely hope that the rest of our K9C family has as safe and satisfying a Thanksgiving celebration as they possibly can!

Marianne

gingerbread

11-24-2022, 11:12 AM

Marianne,
Happy Thanksgiving... I am truly sorry how difficult this time of year is, especially today for you. I do so understand about the molasses..
Any time I went to the store I had trouble in the potato chip isle. My dad loved Pringles so any package of them brought me to tears. Still can at times... Same with Ging and the pet food isle.... I.....Just.... can't...yet.
It is just Ron and I today. Will possibly go over to see momma and my sister for just a little bit this evening.
I am so glad Luna is enjoying another Thanksgiving with you both! So, so special.
Sending hugs and love to you..
Colleen

addy

12-18-2022, 09:30 AM

Happy Holidays to my forever family!
This time of year can sometimes be such a struggle. The empty chair, the unused leash still hanging near the door.
Sadness that we will never have another Christmas with those we loved and lost.
The sadness comes because we are not satisfied with the new Christmas, it just cannot compete with Christmas past. Some say, well then, make new traditions. That can be hard to do if you are older, perhaps not having the same resources or health or for any other number of reasons.
Recently, my husband had eye surgery and has to sleep on his back surrounded by pillows so he does not turn on his eye.
I have been “camping” in our bedroom on a less than desirable air mattress for over a week with another week to go, so very exhausted and stressed. I thought I could forgo putting up Zoe’s tree. I was concerned I might hurt myself trying to move our dining table and lift the heavy tree sections. I set up a tiny table top tree and after four days found myself so sad, fighting back tears. I knew I had to do one good thing and that I had to be very careful trying to do it.
Somehow, I managed to slowly inch the table over 4” giving me barely enough room for the tree and very slowly and carefully lifted the tree sections, taking breaks in between. Long story short, Zoe’s tree stands in all its glory one more year. In hindsight, it probably was not the smartest thing to do but I found a way. It was so important to me as this will be my Koko’s last Christmas. I have stopped crying and even though the holiday will not resemble Christmas past in any way, I have my Zoe’s tree for my darling, loving Koko.
Be kind to yourself, find one thing that can make you smile, to find a small bit of joy and then maybe even though the holiday is different, even though the holiday is sad, the memories are not quite as painful. Maybe we can make it through.
Love you all.

labblab

12-19-2022, 08:14 AM

Oh Addy, I can’t tell you what a comfort it is to read your post on my Luna’s thread, and also your reply here. It’s been ten days now since she left us, and I still can’t believe she’s really gone. Please know that even if you accomplish nothing else today, you’ve already taken care of *your* one good thing by writing to me and to our family here at a time when I needed it so much.

The sadness comes because we are not satisfied with the new Christmas, it just cannot compete with Christmas past. Some say, well then, make new traditions. That can be hard to do if you are older, perhaps not having the same resources or health or for any other number of reasons.

You’ve put my own feelings into perfect words. I’ve been kind of hard on myself, lately, thinking that I’ve been spending far too much time living in the past in recent years. But the reality is that I truly have lost so many dearest relatives and friends during this time. Dear ones who cannot be replaced, and will never be forgotten. And yes, what with the social isolation of COVID, it’s felt so much harder to even find safe ways to fill my time outside of the house — let alone to try to forge genuinely meaningful new relationships.

I know there will still be joyful days ahead for me. But maybe it’s OK to flat-out acknowledge that my *most* joyful days may indeed be behind me now. And to come to peace with that, knowing that there’s an arc to our lives and that I’m now closer to the end than to the beginning of mine. And that it’s OK to treasure memories on days that I’m too tired to try to search out new experiences.

And in the vein of treasuring memories, I can’t tell you what peace it gives me to know that Zoe’s tree is up and sparkling once again this year. It restores precious memories of Zoe for me, and also memories of a time when our family here was so much more active. And dearest Koko — our K9C dog around town! Knowing in advance that this will be your last Christmas together, oh my, how poignant it will be. Please give our sweet boy a giant hug from me. Treasure every moment you have together. I know you will. So much. And know that we’ll be right here by your side, too, whenever the time comes that you may need us.

Thank you again, my dear friend, for writing to me and to us all. And best wishes for the merriest Christmas that this week can bring to you and to your hubby, Koko, and the rest of your family.

Love always, Marianne

labblab

12-25-2022, 08:35 AM

And Christmas morning is here. In the midst of both joy and sadness, Christmas morning is here once again. A day that is given to us only once each year, no matter what. On this bright cold morning, I’m sending wishes of Christmas hope to warm the hearts of all our family, especially those of us who are needing those wishes the most. Do take care and do stay safe. And may we all find comfort in knowing that love is forever. ❤️

Harley PoMMom

12-25-2022, 07:12 PM

Merry Christmas to you, dear Marianne, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

labblab

01-01-2023, 08:10 AM

Well, a new year has begun for us all…whether we feel ready for it or not. An empty house is not how I would have wished to greet this morning. But yet, I’m trying to find peace and express gratitude for all the gifts I *have* been given during this past year, including spending many more days with my sweet Luna than I would have imagined possible last January 1.

To all our K9C family, I send out my love and best wishes. Wishes of comfort for those who need it, wishes of happiness yet to come even when it seems so hard to imagine. Once again take care, stay safe, and Happy 2023 to all my dear friends.

Marianne

gingerbread

01-01-2023, 11:04 PM

Hello all and kinda Happy New Year.. I am reading a lot of the above and am touched and in complete understanding of each of your posts. I will repost my poem for all of you at the bottom of my post.
Holidays are extremely difficult to maneuver. You want the joys, and yet sadness fills more thoughts than joy. You want peace, yet a restlessness stirs inside longing for holidays years ago. The normal we had will be no more. We all know that, and yet long to change the outcome. We try to balance the emptiness with the thankfulness but it is definitely a difficult balancing act and one that dips from side to side quite often. I cannot believe we are coming up on Ginger's passing 2 years ago and Dad's Birthday this Tuesday making it almost 7 years since he passed. Also lost a dear cousin just days before Christmas. I have laughed and cried all within the matter of minutes. I have felt like it was yesterday Ging was still here, and then it seems like years since I have held her, bathed her, walked her, took her to McDonald's. I just still plain miss her and want her back! That is the " normal" I long for! But reality sets it and I know it cannot be. We can still long for those times, not one thing wrong with that! We grieve deeply, miss dearly because we loved and have known a love so strong. That we can be forever grateful for! Does it help dry the tears? Nope.. does in mend our broken hearts? Probably not. But we can support each other, lend an ear or a hand and let each other know it's ok not to be ok. Our circle of grief does not disappear, it only grows larger so we can make room in our lives for it. I love you all and send hugs and prayers always. Blessings, Colleen..

Empty collar,
Empty chair.
Hard to believe
You're both not here.
Lump in my throat
Tears in my eyes
You both were
My hardest goodbyes.
A little piece
Here and there,
Holes in my heart
That won't repair.
You took with you
The very best.
Of my heart
And left the rest.
I'll try to fill it
Best I can.
Unconditional love,
Lend a helping hand.
But no amount
Will fill those parts,
Reserved for you
Deep in my heart.
So thankful for
The time we had.
Miss you Ginger,
Miss you Dad!

12-23-21

Joan2517

01-02-2023, 01:11 AM

We lost our chihuahua, Doree Darling, yesterday morning. Her 18 year old body just could not take it anymore. I had so hoped that she would just drift off in her sleep, but that wasn't happening. Hubby finally agreed that it was time...it was really way past time, but as soon as he said "maybe" I called the vet's office and luckily my vet was on duty and said he would do it if we got right down there. My husband didn't even have time to think although I knew he would start to change his mind. She was in terrible shape and the vet let him know that she was miserable and it had to be done. He couldn't stay in with her, but I held her head and told her how much we loved her and how good she was. She was so tiny, but again, the silence is deafening. I know that Gable, Lena, Andee and all the cats were there to greet her and she can see again; walk without any pain again; remember everything she forgot; and she is free of the mammary gland cancer that she was diagnosed with right before Thanksgiving.

I must say that this has been the most dismal holiday season I have ever had. I miss all my babies...there are only two left now. The last time we had two dogs was 2005. We have been crying all day. Not a good start to 2023.

Hopefully things will get better.

Happy New Year?

labblab

01-02-2023, 11:51 AM

Oh Joan. I’m crying, too, right alongside you. I’ll come back again when I can see straight and I can form some words. They totally escape me now. I’m so very sorry for you and your husband. I know what a special sweet companion Doree was to him. My husband is taking Luna’s loss so hard too. It’s just so hard for us all.

And Colleen, thank goodness you’ve been here and you *were* able to write. What you wrote is so perfect and so true. And once again your poem touches my own heart so deeply. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of this. And especially for your hugs. I’m needing hugs so desperately right now, and I can feel yours coming straight to my heart from across the miles.

Love to you both,
Marianne

labblab

01-06-2023, 08:22 AM

Well, Joan, I’m back but still minus the ability to think of words to convey how truly sorry I am about Doree. How sorry I am about everything. I know you’ve had so many heartaches and challenges during these past months, and so many holidays clouded. It’s just not fair and my heart aches for you.

It’s an especially hard morning for me, too. I’m looking at the Christmas tree lights for the last time. Today we’ll take the tree down and drive it over to be recycled into mulch. I know it makes no sense at all, but it feels like I’ll be saying another final goodby to Luna. We had bought the tree while she was still alive but had not yet put it up. We almost didn’t have the heart to put it up afterwards, but we did. And we both ended up feeling so grateful that we did. The twinkling lights cheered us so much during the dark early mornings and the late evenings. The one cheery thing about the empty house. But this evening the house will be dark again, and I think it will feel like really saying goodbye to her a last time, too. I’ve got a lump in my throat already and I’ve only just gotten up. I miss her so much. So much.

Well, my goal in writing this morning was to try to say something of comfort to you. And here I am, going on about myself again. I guess if there’s any truth to “misery loves company,” at least I’ve got the “company” part covered for you. Please know that I am indeed thinking of you right alongside me during these tough days. On this cold January morning, I’m sending my hugs and warmest thoughts flying northward to you, my dear friend.

Joan2517

01-08-2023, 01:13 AM

Yes, I know...I don't want to take ours down, not that Doree noticed it anyway. Luckily it's an artificial one and I can keep it up for as long as I want. The poor little girl was in so much pain. I am so glad that he finally agreed to give her some peace.

And you are a comfort to me, Marianne, you always have been.

Cooper had blood work done Friday. He's gaining weight, drinking a lot, constantly hungry...and guess what? It looks like it might be Cushing's AGAIN. I'm still processing...what are the odds of having three different dogs, three different breeds, and Cushing's. ALK 1966, ALT 226. The vet wanted to do the LDDT, but I can't afford all the testing and meds this time around. I'm not even sure it's really Cushing's. He's always been hyper and nuts, so I'm going to put him on a diet, start walking him to get the weight down, and see if it makes a difference. He's almost 15 and the stress of taking him to the vet for testing (on both of us) would be too much.

Like I said, still processing...

I miss my big beautiful boy, and I miss Lena. I'm still in Doree mode, thinking I have to check on her, listening for her to move around in the playpen, trying to decide what to make her for dinner to get her to eat. Then I remember I don't have to do any of that anymore, and my blood pressure goes back down, and I feel guilty because it's a relief. The stress of watching her get worse and knowing that she must've been in agony, was so hard, but he wouldn't see it and he didn't want her to go.

I've been having a hard time getting my thoughts together to put here. It's like they're swirling around in my head and just won't land (LOL). Everything is changing, and I don't like change.

Thank God the holidays are over...but I'm still not taking down the tree ;)...

Love you!

labblab

01-08-2023, 02:46 PM

Oh Joan. Cooper and Cushing’s??? I. Can’t. Even.

I totally understand your thoughts about him, especially at his age. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you can get some improvement through weight loss. And I also totally understand the conflict of Doree mode. It’s the same for me. I still instinctively catch myself checking the clock at Luna’s mealtimes, and timing when I should be trying to get her down the ramp to the yard. We went to a friend’s house for dinner last night — our first social outing since she died. For the first time in what feels like forever, I didn’t have to stress over struggling to get her out to pee beforehand and we didn’t have to watch the clock to head home by a certain time. We stayed late and I didn’t check the time once. That was a genuine relief and the change made me realize just how much stress I’ve been under for so long now. But of course, then the trade-off was coming home to the empty house. That was not good at all, and so it goes.

Anyway, please keep us updated about Cooper. And in the meantime, I’ll be repeating NOT Cushing’s, NOT Cushing’s NOT Cushing’s, over and over again…

Joan2517

01-08-2023, 07:03 PM

LOL! That's my mantra, too. And I totally understand the feelings about Luna.

I hate to say it, but I think the Facebook group killed this forum. I had to stop looking at it because there were just too many people, too many responses, too many deaths, and it just wasn't personal, at least for me.

This forum kept me sane when I was going to lose it, and you are responsible for that, Marianne. I already responded on your other post, so you know how I feel.

Go forth and enjoy your time with your husband....

Love, Joan

gingerbread

01-09-2023, 12:34 PM

Hello Joan and Marianne,
I am catching up in the posts and my heart aches for both of you. I totally get where you both are emotionally. I still go through the same thoughts with Ginger. Listening for her, wondering what to fix her that she will eat, rushing home to see her, only to stop myself, and let the tears fall remembering she is not here. I have none of that to do and my heart aches to do it all over again, but do it better, love her deeper, be patient much more often. To right the wrongs I feel where I failed her. My precious little girl. I too struggled about the Christmas tree... we only have a table top one, but I, (we) decided after saying goodbye to Ging March 2021, that since she loved the tree, used it as a night light that it will stay up year round with only the ornaments that are hers, the one empty chair for my dad and the small twinkling lights that helped light her way to the kitchen for her food and water. Not a day goes by, probably not even an hour goes by, that I do not think of her and miss her, her unconditional love, her caring heart. The need to be needed is immense. The most painful tears are not the ones that fall from your eyes and cover our faces, they are the ones that fall from our heart and cover our souls. Prayers, love and hugs to you both... special prayers for Cooper.
Blessings always, Colleen

Joan2517

01-09-2023, 05:32 PM

Yes...all that and more, Colleen.

Hugs and love to you, too...

labblab

01-11-2023, 10:17 AM

Well, I guess it’s time to gently ease the doors shut again on our 2022 holiday house. But if anybody continues to wish to write more, either now or at any time in the coming year, please feel free to do so — the doors here are always left unlocked!

When we did reopen them last October, I never expected that I would be needing so much comfort here, myself. But I guess it’s often good that we can’t predict the future, because otherwise my Halloween and my Thanksgiving spent with my sweet Luna would have been so overshadowed by what was to come. Living in the present has always been a tough challenge for me, and right now my present definitely sucks. But I’ll remain forever grateful for all the good holidays of the past, and hopeful for good holidays yet to come.

At any rate, as always, I wish to thank everyone who has joined us here this year. So much. And I’m truly hoping that 2023 will bring at least some measure of peace, comfort and joy to us all.

Love, Marianne