Nikki may need re-load (update: I had to let Nikki go)

[nikkismom]

Hi, all, I am really glad I found you again!I had to board Nikki for six days while I went to Florida for my daughter's wedding.When I picked her up yesterday she was totally despondent. Her caregiver said she hardly ate, had really loose stools and just slept the whole time.I was going to take her to the vet today but she started to rally a little, so I decided to wait and see, because the vet is so stressful for her.Before our trip, I had her stimmed and her acth was post 8.7 after 2 months on maintenance at 200mg twice a week.The vet wants to re-load but Nikki feels so bad and is so weak now I don't know what to do.Is it possible that stress made her cortsol go down or would it go up? I was thinking about waiting til the end of the month to re-stim because I don't think her number would change that much, and she needs to recover from this stress, if possible.Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Wylie's Mom]

I hope she starts to feel better after being back with you!! They say you shouldn't treat a dog with Lysodren if they are sick or not feeling well. IMO, I agree with your vet that you will have to re-load, but I would definitely wait until she feels better. I can't comment on other factors influencing her cortisol levels - I would just be guessing - I can't figure it out with Wylie either!

I'm glad you found us!

-Susy

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sharon,

I'm glad you and Nikki found us! :D

I second what Susy said about treating a sick pup. Typically, stress will cause the cortisol production to increase, but with these cush pups, you just never know. Some of them simply don't do "typical" ! :rolleyes::D Did the people where she was boarded have to dose her while she was there? Did they dose her with her not eating, etc?

Trying to get an accurate result if she is that stressed might be difficult. But if she is not improving steadily and fairly quickly, I think I would have her checked out just to be sure nothing else is going on. Maybe your vet's staff would let you and Nikki stay in your car until it was time for her to be seen and that might lessen the stress on Nikki.

Hoping she is better soon!
Hugs,
Leslie and the girls

[nikkismom]

Thanks Leslie and Susy! They did dose her on Friday when she wasn't eating much.She's not eating dog food now but will eat any human snack I give her. She has terrible diarrhea, so it's probably best she doesn't eat today.Maybe her insides will get a rest, then I'll try pumpkin and Forta Flora tomorrow. If she's not getting better she will go to the vet Thursday, or I will at least talk to her.I knew when I left her she would have some problems. I just hope she can recover.

[StarDeb55]

Sharon, as we discussed before your trip, & the site went down, a reload is going to be unavoidable with that post of >8. Illness/stress will normal raise the cortisol level even further. As the others have already mentioned, you DON'T GIVE lysodren to a sick pup EVER, no matter what the problem is.

Debbie

[AlisonandMia]

Hi Sharon,

I think it sounds like Nikki needs to see the vet sooner rather than later - it sounds like it is possible that she has picked up some sort of infection while at the kennel. If the diarrhea is bad she may well be quite dehydrated and her electrolytes may be depleted especially if she isn't eating and if the diarrhea has been going on for some time.

Until you can get her to the vet offering her some Pedialyte or similar may help her a lot. If it is late at night and you can't get hold of any then something like a pinch of salt and a teaspoon of sugar in 2 pints of water is a fair substitute. I'm not 100% sure on those measurements so I'll go check and edit if necessary.


Oops! Not enough salt - or sugar! Good thing I checked. See: http://rehydrate.org/faq/how-to-prepare-ors.htm
http://rehydrate.org/faq/how-to-prepare-ors.htm

and another one: http://www.recipezaar.com/Oral-Rehydration-Salts-230966

One other thing - be very careful regarding your hygiene while cleaning up and handling Nikki while she is sick - depending on what is causing the problem some of these things can be passed on to humans!

Good luck and keep us posted.

Alison

[ventilate]

I understand what you are going through. I have to leave my dogs at a kennel 3 times a year at 10 days at a time. I leave them at the same kennel as they are very good to them. About a year or more ago, I left them,when I got home for the first time I had to consider the thought that I was going to have to set Nike free from her pain. She was lethargic, could hardly stand or walk. I cried and cried then gave her pred thinking it cant hurt and it did not. In fact within a couple hrs she was back to her normal self. So even though her stim numbers were excellent she still dropped down, I believe due to the stress. Have you talked to your vet about giving pred to see if it helps your pup now? Now when I leave them, Nike gets 5 mg of pred daily ( she is a 85 lb dog so the 5 mg is a tiny bit for her) but it has made the difference and I wean her off when I get home.
Good luck with your pup and I hope Nikki feels better soon.
Sharon, Nike and Kenai

[AlisonandMia]

Another thing just occurred to me - you may want to check that Nikki's medication (Lysodren) was done correctly while you were away. Is it possible they thought it was an every-day med?

Alison

PS: I see Leslie has touched on that already but it might be worth double checking especially if more than one person was involved with her care.

[nikkismom]

Thankfully, I only left one capsule plus a pill pocket. I am worried that it was probably given when she was not eating, ie empty stomach.But Nikki seems better today, but still won't eat her dog food.She'll eat anything else. I'll probably try cooking egg and rice with chicken broth if she doesn't eat her normal food later today. I do know she will never be boarded again.

[ventilate]

Did you speak to your vet about maybe trying a bit of pred to see if that helps?

[nikkismom]

I didn't because she is really against it except in emergency situations. Every time I've given it has been on my own. But Nikki is much better. She ate the dinner I cooked her and we'll see what it does to her stomach. So far so good.:)

[ventilate]

Great; Hope it continues
S

[nikkismom]

I need help! Just got off the phone with the vet and Nikki will have an acth tomorrow. The problem is Nikki feels better than she has in a while. I'm sure her post number is high because before our trip it was 8.7.My vet says there is no maximum dose of lysodren.She said she has had dogs on twice the recommended dose and they are fine. Nikki is already on 400 mgs/week and her number is creeping up. I asked if she ever splits the dose into three and she said it wouldn't make any difference. Is this right? She acts like she is very experienced in cushings, but I don't know. She did say she will treat the dog and not the disease, so if Nikki needs to maintain a higher number that's okay.When her post was 8.7, her pre was 7.8, which means she was really stressed,so that post number wasn't so bad, right? I'm so confused! She said Nikki isn't feeling bad because of the lysodren but because of the reduction in cortisol, but how do you know that? And if the reduction in cortisol makes them feel bad, how is that good? When her cortisol was 50, she felt fine except she was starving and drinking and peeing.She certainly had more energy. Wow, this is so hard! Sharon

[Wylie's Mom]

(I'm trying to reply like Glynda sometimes does)


My vet says there is no maximum dose of lysodren.
My first impression is that they are wrong, but maybe they need to clarify what they mean by this.
She said she has had dogs on twice the recommended dose and they are fine.
They need to specifically define (in mgs/kg) what they are referring to as recommended dose - and recommended for loading or mantenance - maybe they are misunderstanding the actual recommendation
Nikki is already on 400 mgs/week and her number is creeping up.
This is why we think she may need a reload
I asked if she ever splits the dose into three and she said it wouldn't make any difference. Is this right?
IMO, it absolutely does make a difference. Please read through Bagel's thread:
http://www.k9diabetes.com/forum/showthread.php?t=743&page=2
When her post was 8.7, her pre was 7.8, which means she was really stressed,so that post number wasn't so bad, right? I'm so confused!see below from Bagels thread
She said Nikki isn't feeling bad because of the lysodren but because of the reduction in cortisol, but how do you know that? I don't think she can know for sure, but maybe the stim test can give a leaning towards a reason
And if the reduction in cortisol makes them feel bad, how is that good?
I believe sometimes the pace of the reduction can make a difference
When her cortisol was 50, she felt fine except she was starving and drinking and peeing.She certainly had more energy. Wow, this is so hard! Sharon
Yes, that may be the case, but if left untreated over time, the high cortisol can do more visible damage - skin infections, ear infections, high blood pressure, liver issues...you know!



This is from Bagel's thread:

One thing I'm curious about, and maybe someone can please clarify this for me, is the pre of 7. I'm not sure if the high pre means anything. Does it matter that the pre-7 is only 1.8 lower than the post-8.8??:confused:


When interpreting an acth stimulation test for purposes of monitoring cushing's treatment, the pre or basal number is of little value. The normal basal range (most labs) is 1 - 6 so 7 is a bit high and is probably due to the stress of being at the vet's office. I hope this helps.

Glynda

[Wylie's Mom]

Oh yeah - I think she wants to do another stim because you are going to re-load:confused:? How long ago (in weeks) was her last stim where post was 8.7 & pre was 7.8?

I have to go now, but I will check back later;).

-Susy

[nikkismom]

It was the first week in April- I had to do it because I was going out of town and knew she would be stressed. I also knew I would have to do another when I returned, but have put it off until now because she is just now recovering from that stress. Going to the vet upsets her so much. At least she's only there for two hours.

[Roxee's Dad]

Hi Sharon,



When her cortisol was 50, she felt fine except she was starving and drinking and peeing.She certainly had more energy. Wow, this is so hard!

Just wanted to let you know. When our Roxee was dx'd almost 3 years ago, we chose not to treat. She felt great, swimming, running chasing balls and the cat on occasion.:p She was fine except for the normal signs. Thirst, panting, huge appetite, stealing food and hair loss. I could live with that. I didn't know enough about this disease or syndrome:mad:.

Mid to end of last year, Roxee started losing her strength. By Nov, I had to carry her outside to do her business. BTW, we have a doggy door with 3 steps leading down to her doggy yard. Had to replace the steps with a ramp. Finally could not use the ramp anymore so then the carring her outside 6 to 10 times a day.

Then I found cc.net and learned so much and found out that her muscle Deterioration was due to the cortisol eating away at her muscle tissue thus making her weak. So weak in fact that we had to hold her up to pee and poop in December:(.

So what I am trying to say is yes, the higher cortisol was making her feel good until it started eating away at her skeletal muscles and she then went downhill quickly. If I hadn't found this site when I did, she would be at the rainbow bridge already. I just wanted her to have one more Christmas with us.

Today she is improving,:D:D:D but it continues to be confusing as we all try to tweak and improve treatment, continuously watching for signs of improvements or declines, looking for ways to make our pups life better. This is what we do and why you and I and the rest of us are here.:):D

In yours and Nikki's case it might have been cortisol withdrawl but there really is a long term price to pay for that feel good feeling they are experiencing today.

All my best to you and your Nikki.
John (Roxee's Dad)

[Wylie's Mom]

Great example, John!

Sharon,

If you want to hold off for a week or so to give Nikki more time to "recover", I don't see an issue with that (but, that's just my opinion). I did a mini-load on Wylie about 3 weeks ago, but I waited a week longer to do the (after mini-load) stim. He had a stim done 3 weeks previous, and I just wanted to give him an extra week longer before being a pin cushion again;). They have a hard time finding his vein and he often develops a bruise afterward.

-Susy

[nikkismom]

Thanks so much John and Susy. I have been treating since November and will continue to do so, but it is frustrating, to say the least.She's had one re-load already and we just can't seem to get control. I didn't mean to imply that I have any intention of giving up or not continuing with treatment.This forum has taught me so much! If we ever get on real maintenance I will be so happy! I will post results of her stim tomorrow when I get it.

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sharon,

Sorry Nikki is still having problems getting control. :( Bless her heart and yours too!

Refresh my memory...has she been tested for Atypical? the UTK panel? If so, what were the results and is she being treated for it? If not, talk to your vet about adding some melatonin and lignans. If her Estradiol is elevated and being produced someplace other than the adrenals, this could be playing a role in her difficulties. Just a thought I managed to grab! ;)

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls

[Wylie's Mom]

And can you refresh our memory on how you re-loaded:

-stim results before reload
-maintenance dose before reload
-dosage for re-load & how many days
-stim results after reload
-maintenance dose after reload

-Susy

[nikkismom]

Thanks, Leslie,she hasn't been tested for atypical because her cortisol in the beginning was post 50, although I suppose she could have hormone problems. I just printed out Dr. Felman's protocol about splitting doses of lyso into as many doses as possible, and I'll show it to her vet tomorrow when I take Nikki for her stim. She'll probably get really mad, but I feel like if the dose is split more,it can be more controlled.I know she will get mad, because when I asked about splitting the dose, she said it wouldn't make any difference, that all that matters is the total for the week. Oh, well, mad she will have to be!

[StarDeb55]

Sharon, as Susy has already mentioned, we need those reminders about loading dosages, especially. We, also need Nikki's current weight.

I respectfully disagree with your vet about max dosage for lyso. Dosage is based on 25-50 mg/kg body weight. Some pups do better at the higher end of that range, some at the lower end, but each pup is an individual. Harley recently dropped 1.4 lbs. for no apparent reason which bumped his maintenance dose over limits at 54 mg/kg, his GP vet cut the dose immediately. Yes, some dogs do ok with posts >5, but that is really the exception to the rule. Harley, who always seems to be the exception to the rule, has been running a post in the low 7's on his last 2 stims, & feels fine, totally symptom free. With his pre-existing gallbladder/GI tract issues & being 14, my GP vet does not want to attempt to take him lower, as long as he remains SYMPTOM-FREE, which is the key.

Debbie

PS- Dr. Feldman is probably the foremost authority in the world on Cushing's, & he has advocated splitting the maintenance dose into as many doses a possible during the week for a very long time. If you vet wants to argue with the expert, then, perhaps, you may need to consider getting another vet. When it comes to splitting the dose, Harley gets his 250 mg., split into 3 doses during the week.

[nikkismom]

Sorry, Debbie, I always feel like I'm repeating myself and boring everyone! Nikki weighs 15 pounds and is currently taking 200mgs twice a week, which I know is too high. If her number comes back high, like I know it will, the vet wants to increase it even more after a reload. Nikki does not have symptoms like thirst or hunger but her legs are very weak and she moves really slowly and sleeps most of the time. She eats and drinks normally.

[StarDeb55]

Sharon, we also need the last loading dose when you did the last re-load. This is important, so we can offer input on what may be a more appropriate loading dose, if you do another re-load.

Debbie

[Wylie's Mom]

Hi Sharon,

So, did you do a re-load or mini-load, or did you just keep increasing the maintenace dose? I don't recall...I only remember the orange dye thing:p.

-Susy
(Sorry...can't wait for a response...gotta go tend to Wylie.)

[nikkismom]

Last loading was a "miniload", 200 twice a day for three days. Her acth after that was 4.7, I think, but my vet forgot about me, was gone for several days and by the time I started maintenance again at 200 twice a week it had gone up to 5.7.

[Truffa's Mom]

Nikki, we will be praying for you. Let's hope that your vet listens to your mommy, because I totally agree with Debbie:


Dr. Feldman is probably the foremost authority in the world on Cushing's, & he has advocated splitting the maintenance dose into as many doses a possible during the week for a very long time. If you vet wants to argue with the expert, then, perhaps, you may need to consider getting another vet.

and you don't need to deal with more frustration around your baby's health.

And BTW you are not boring anyone.

Choco kisses flying your way.

Marcela & The Choco labs

[nikkismom]

Good news for Nikki. Her post yesterday was 7.1 which the vet thinks is good for Nikki since it was 8.7 beginning of April with no change in meds.Seems really strange but I'll take it. She has agreed to letting me split doses into three/wk so maybe that will help some with stomach gurgling and GI upsets. She also said if I ever have to leave her again to have the caregiver give her 1/4 pred per day for stress.I should have done that.Anyway, I was really afraid to give her the printout from Dr. Feldman about splitting doses, but she was great about it, all things considered.I enclosed a note with it and was very careful with the wording. I said "please read this and see what you think. Since you said it makes no difference, maybe we could experiment with Nikki by splitting her doses and just see what happens." She actually asked me how many doses I would like to give per week. I think I'll try 3 for 3 months and see. So she will stay on 400/week for three months. I have learned that you cannot predict what that post number will be by the way they act. I was sure her number was high because she seems more energetic than she has for a while. Anyway, I am happy!:) Thanks for all the help! Sharon

[Roxee's Dad]

Hi Sharon,

Great to hear the good news. Really great that you have a vet that is open to treatment options and gaining new experiences.

HAPPY FOR YOU AND NIKKI. :):):)

Keeping fingers and paws crossed for continued improvements.

Good job!:D:D

John (Roxee's Dad)

[Wylie's Mom]

Hi Sharon,

Good news on the lowered stim results:D:D.

I'm glad she agreed to split the dose - great job on the note;):D.

BTW - my Wylie's tummy makes all kinds of weird noises. I actually started to record them on a digital voice recorder (his tummy is still pretty bear from the September ultrasound so I had easy access). I thought I would play them for the IMS and ask her about them. Then one day, I recorded my belly...it sounded just as weird as Wylie's and I feel fine...so, I nevered played the recordings for the IMS - I think she thinks I'm weird enough as it is:p.

-Susy

[nikkismom]

That's funny, Susy!:D It's probably always gurgled and I never noticed until she got cushings. Now I notice every little thing:( Every time she has a sip of water I'm sure she's drinking too much! I guess moms and dads just worry too much!

[nikkismom]

Hi all! It's been awhile since I've posted an update on Nikki because nothing has changed much, which is good.She had a 3 month acth Friday and her cortsol has creeped up to post 9 from 7. She is taking 200 lyso three times a week and we are going to try adding another day of 200 and check in 8 weeks.She isn't really showing any symptoms still, so the vet thinks this approach is better than a mini load at this time. Nikki will be 15 Sunday and she is really acting old.Her muscles are so weak, she just eats, sleeps and goes pottie.We started treatment in October and she has not really gotten better, but I think her age is against her.She is still the sweetest dog in the world, and she seems comfortable, which is what we all want.She's never had any medical problems except cushings and the acl tears in both legs related to cushings, so I've been very lucky.Never had allergies, ear infections, or even fleas. So she's had a great life!She still wags her tail some and goes out to go pottie and eats great.We are taking her to the beach today, which she used to love but now gets very stressed, so I will give her 1/4 pred per day, which helps alot.Her stress is caused by her limited eyesight and being in new places, but at least she will be with us.Getting old is tough and especially so for our furry children.Nikki and I send all our best to all of you and your babies:) Sharon

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sharon,

You must have been reading my mind...I was just wondering about Nikki and here's an update. Thanks!

Enjoy the beach and just keep Nikki close and I'm sure she will be fine. As Squirt gets older, she has become more clingy and sleeps more and more (which I tried to blame on the melatonin!). As long as they want to be with us, then I am blessed and I know you feel the same.

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls

[Wylie's Mom]

Hi Sharon,

Yes, it sure has been a while… WOW… 15!

I had started to post about why you should do a mini-load instead, but given Nikki’s age and current condition, I’m on the fence. Just be aware that many times, gradually increasing the maintenance dose may bring the cortisol levels down for a time, but the levels often creep right back up… but maybe the adjusted dose might be the better option for her. (I did tell you I was on the fence on this one:p.)

Do you think the muscle weakness may actually be joint issues? If so, you might want to read the following links:

http://www.dogaware.com/wdjarthritis.html
http://www.dogaware.com/arthritis.html
(I haven’t read the second one yet, but it’s by the same person, so it should be similar – it is, however, much longer!) And keep in mind that some of the options she lists may not be good for Nikki – for example, I know Wylie gets sick on Rimadyl/NSAIDs, and I recently got a “high quality” fish oil for him, but I think it was the cause of mucous covered stools with him:eek:.

I sure hope she enjoys the beach… please take pictures and share with us :):);).

-Susy

[nikkismom]

Yesterday was a very scary day for me and Nikki. When she got up she had breakfast and started breathing very heavily, which progressed to very labored, noisy breathing. I immediately called the vet, thinking it was congestive heart failure, which would have been good because there are meds she could take. I took her in and they checked her heart and lungs and all was well.The rasping was so bad they gave her some oxygen, which didn't help.My wonderful vet said it sounded more upper respiratory and tried to look down Nikki's throat, which she would have none of. So she had to give her a little gas so she could see down her throat. She saw a burgandy red tumor, not big but very swollen and irritated.I said no biopsy because I will not put her through anything else. The vet gave me two meds, Temeril-p and baytril, which have made her feel better.At least she is able to breathe now.Yesterday I was ready to let her go, and I still am if she gets that uncomfortable again.Thinking back, I think she has had this tumor for awhile, maybe a year or more, it just wasn't big enough to bother her that much. She has been drooling for some time and at some point her tongue started hanging out, which it didn't before.Also coughing in the morning. Of course, I took her in for all these things, and they checked her mouth and teeth, but not her throat.I don't blame the vet at all for not finding this. Nikki is 15 and has had the best life.She has been loved every minute of every day. Anyway, as far as the cushings goes, I know her meds contain prednisone, so I'm just not going to think too much of the cushings right now. I just want her as comfortable as possible for the time she has left.She's drinking tons of water and I just take her out alot.I feel very sad but I won't let her suffer if I can help it. I love her too much, as I know you all love your babies. Sharon

[lucygoo]

Hi Sharon...

I'm so sorry you're going through this with Nikki right now. Keeping my fingers crossed that she feels better...and you too! You're a great mom:)

Gina

[Harley PoMMom]

Sharon,

I am so sorry you and Nikki are going thru such a rough time.

We all want our cushpups to be as comfortable as possible, and if the meds Nikki are taking are doing that for her...Honey, I sure can understand that, I would do the same thing for Harley if he was in the same situation. We love you and Nikki too.

We know you are doing the very best for Nikki, like Gina said you are a wonderful Mom. Please let us know how you both are doing.

Hugs to you and Nikki.
Lori

[lulusmom]

Hi Sharon,

I too am sorry that Nikki is having a tough time of it right now. For what it is worth, I agree 100% with your decision not to treat the cushing's. There are times when other conditions take priority and this is one of those times. The good news is that if a cushdog doesn't have complicating factors, they arent' in any pain so if the only thing you are both dealing with at the moment is excess drinking and peeing, who cares. My Jojo will never stop guzzling water and peeing buckets even though his cushing's is under control. It's something that we live with and it's no big deal as long as I have waterproof hospital pads on hand.

We will be keeping fingers and paws crossed hoping that the meds make Nikki feel better.

Glynda

[MiniSchnauzerMom]

Sharon,

I have not posted to your thread before but I have been following Nikki's updates. I am so sorry to learn of Nikki's problem and do hope the new meds will help her to feel more comfortable. It is obvious how much your love your little Nikki. I am so sorry that you and Nikki are having to go through this.

Thinking of you both with loving thoughts.

Louise

[Wylie's Mom]

Hi Sharon,

I'm sorry Nikki has this tumor. I hope the meds continue to help. Along with the others, I agree with your thinking of putting Cushing's on the back burner and focusing on keeping her comfortable. You're a great mom!

-Susy

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sharon,

I am so sad to hear of Nikki's tumor but I am glad you know what it is and that the meds are giving her some relief. I hope she is happier and that they will give her some more time with you.

As for treating the Cushing's, I don't know that I would either. It is the quality of life that matters, not the quantity. Nikki has a wonderful life with you and I know you will continue to make every day count for you both.

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls

[Roxee's Dad]

Hi Sharron,
I am so sorry that you and Nikki are going thru this. We are keeping positive thoughts and saying a prayer for you and Nikki. We completely understand how much you love her.

[nikkismom]

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts for Nikki. She is doing quite well right now and I am just trying to do all I can to give her whatever makes her happy. The meds have made her breathing much easier. She apparently had an irritation of some sort that caused the mass to inflame and make breathing difficult. I spoke to her IMS yesterday about Nikki's situation, and she said to just continue with the 4 time a week lysodren.She said Nikki could live several months and letting the cortisol rise would only make her feel worse.She is really enjoing her homecooked meals and is still having a little of her birthday cake every now and then, which she loves.She has to breathe through her mouth, but it doesn't seem to bother her.When she goes outside I can tell the heat really does bother her, so we don't stay any longer than we have to.I have a truly wonderful vet who makes housecalls for euthanasia, so at least Nikki will not have to go to the vet when the time comes. And John, I was out of town when you lost your precious Roxee and I am so sorry. I just found out when I went to photos.You loved her well. I so appreciate everyone's concern and will keep you posted of any changes. Sharon

[Harley PoMMom]

Hi Sharon,

So glad to hear that Nikki is feeling better and the meds are doing their job at making her breathe more comfortably.

Homecooked meals and cake...yumyum.

Thanks so much for the update...and take care of yourself.

Love and hugs to you and Nikki.
Lori

[nikkismom]

Today I had to let Nikki go. This is very hard to write because I am feeling so much pain right now, but maybe this will help me. For the past couple of weeks, Nikki has not been able to eat. She would try, but it just wasn't working. I'm sure that whatever mass was in her throat had grown to the point of obstruction. I have been giving her filet mignon, cut into tiny pieces, which she could eat a little of. Because my vet said she would come to my house when the time came, I called Thursday, before the holiday, and today was the first day she would be able to come. I had all weekend to think about it, and decided to make her final days as good as possible.She has been eating M &Ms and brownies as best she could. My vet is truly wonderful and helped me give Nikki a wonderful death. She was in her bed, very comfortable, and I was feeding her Ghirradeli chocolate when she had her injection. Her passing was very peaceful, but I'm a wreck.I already miss her so much I can hardly stand it. This is my third dog to be put down, but the first where I was present.Nikki was such a special dog, so loving and devoted,I have to believe I will see her again. Anyway, thank you all for your help with her cushings this past year, because it was pretty much under control.I will continue to peek in from time to time, and if I can help I will. You are doing a great service, and I appreciate all the help you have given me. Sharon

[Roxee's Dad]

Dear Sharon,

I am so very, very sorry for your loss of Nikki. Someone once wrote me to the effect that loving them is taking the pain and suffering away from them and making it yours. I am truly sorry that you had to make that decision. I am sure Nikki knows how much she was and is loved and is watching over you.

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Sharon,

My tears are falling with yours in the passing of your dear, sweet Nikki. You have worked so diligently and steadfastly to help her and remained strong through it all, to the very end. I am so glad you were with her today to ease her crossing to The Bridge where she was met by our babies that have gone before, and where there is much chocolate, steak, and sunshine. Tho I know the pain is incredible for you, Nikki is watching over you now with the same love and devotion you gave to her. She no longer suffers but is once again whole.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Ruby, Goldie and Crystal


If It Should Be

If it should be that I grow weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand,
Don't let your grief then stay your hand,
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd not want me to suffer so,
The time has come, please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me until the end,
I know in time that you will see,
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve, it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do,
We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

Author unknown

[MiniSchnauzerMom]

Sharon,

I was saddened to read about the loss of your precious little Nikki today. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace be with you sweet Nikki.

With sympathy,
Louise

[Squirt's Mom]

In honor of Nikki -

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=K9C

[lucygoo]

Sharon,
I'm so very sorry to hear of Nikki's passing. My thoughts are with you.

Gina

[bkdice]

i'm so sorry for your loss. i am 53 days ahead of you in the grief cycle, so i know how much you are hurting. :( it sounds like you were a wonderful mom though, and i'm sure your nikki knew how lucky she was to have you.

[Dollydog]

Sharon, I'm so sorry to hear of Nikki's passing. I hope that you take very good care of yourself at this time and please come back to let us know how you're making out.
Jo-Ann & Lady

[gpgscott]

Sharon,

I am very sorry to learn of the loss of your Nikki.

Mine will all get special attention tonight in her memory.

Scott

[labblab]

Dear Sharon,

I have not had the chance to write to you before this, but I want you to know how sorry I am about the loss of your sweet Nikki. You wrote elsewhere on your thread that every single day of her 15 years was filled with love -- no pup could ask for more. :o

But that does not change your grief upon the separation. We will always welcome you back here to talk or to share memories of your girl. We have a special forum where you may start a companion thread at any time: "In Loving Memory." (http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=8) And as a part of that forum, we have a special memorial thread of honor where Nikki has now joined our other beloved pups.

Please do remain with us. So many here know and understand the pain that comes with the loss, and we will all stay by your side in the coming days.

In loving memory of your sweet Nikki. May her spirit always remain alive in your heart.
Marianne (forever Barkis' and Peg's and Luna's mom)

[Harley PoMMom]

Dearest Sharon,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Nikki. You were such a wonderful and loving mom to her...I wish there were words I could say that could bring you some comfort...but know that we will always be here for you...always.

Mine will also get special attention tonight in her memory.

Peace sweet Nikki.

With Heartfelt Sympathy,
Lori

[Truffa's Mom]

Hi Sharon I am terribly saddened about Nikki's passing.
I haven't post to you before, but I was following your story with sweet Nikki.

She had a wonderful life and her goodbye from your life, with you on her side is a fine testimony of your profound devotion to her.

I am going to have you on my prayers and my thoughts.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.

[BestBuddy]

Dear Sharon,
I am so sorry. Nikki was so loved in life and memories will be with you forever.
Jenny

[corgipallie]

I'm so sorry to hear about Nikki. I don't really have any words of wisdom, as I am only 1 month and 1 day ahead of you, but I am truly sorry for your loss. I don't wish this pain on anyone.

Steph and forever Pallie

[sunimist]

Dear Sharon,

I too am so very sorry to hear about your beloved Nikki. I share your grief, pain and tears that come with losing a precious little soul.
We love them with all our heart, and do everything we possibly can to keep them with us, but in the end, we know that sometime soon our world will shatter. Hold on tight to the sweet memories and the precious love Nikki had for you, cause it will be forever in your heart along with her sweet spirit.

Love and (((hugs)))

Shelba and Suni

[Casey's Mom]

Sharon, I am so very sorry for you - the tears are flowing. We all feel so much for our little doggies and from what I read your little Nikki was a very special and loved little one. I love her photo - she looks very sweet. Her passing sounds very peaceful and how special for Nikki that she was able to be in her bed and eat chocolate.

My heart is with you . . . .

[Sabre's Mum]

Hi Sharon

I am so sorry and sad to hear of Nikki's passing. Our thoughts are with you.

Angela, Sabre and Flynn

[forscooter]

Sharon,

I am so very sorry to hear about Nikki, and I wish I had something to say that would make things better for you. I understand the pain and wish it on no one. I'm glad you had some very special moments with her before she passed, and you truly gave her the most unselfish gift you could. The emptiness is enormous but so was the love. I hope in time the love you shared will fill and heal that empty spot that you are feeling right now.

Sending wishes for comfort and peace, Beth, Bailey and always Scoobie

[H-man]

Oh darling beautiful Nikki, go chase bunnies in heaven sweetie - find all those beautiful pals of ours from here and cause mayhem will you? We miss you all so very much. Please keep mummy company, let her feel you for a while until she can go on and fill her heart forever. Blessings Sharon, my heart goes out to you.
Love Wendy, Harry & Izzy & Patsy in heaven xxxx

[ChristyA]

Sharon,
I am so sorry for your loss. Nikki had the best life with you and you will meet again.
Christy

[frijole]

Sharon, I am so sorry to hear the news. Although it was hard you did the best thing you could for dear Nikki. The vision of her eating chocolates and filets at the end is touching... mom obviously knew her girl and took great care to the very end. May wonderful memories of the good times sustain you as you grieve. Take care and come back when you are up to it to let us know how you are doing. Hugs, Kim

[Carol G]

Sharon,

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

Carol

[k9diabetes]

Sharon,

I'm so very sorry to learn that you had to let Nikki go. I was just going back through your thread so I could learn a little bit about your beautiful girl. It is a terrible decision to make but the most loving thing you can do for her - I know she would thank you for releasing her even though she knows how terribly you will miss her.

Godspeed to Nikki,

Natalie

[John II]

Sharon,

I was so sorry to learn about the loss of your beautiful Nikki. I hope you have the peace of knowing that you did everything you could to make her life wonderful.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

With sympathy,
John

[4Mikeydog]

Sharon,

I am so sorry for your loss. You obviously have been a loving and sensitive parent to Nikki.
Your generosity and sensitivity to Nikki's needs throughout her life and recent struggle were truly an enormous gift. I was touched to learn about the chocolate and filet mignon! I can totally relate to wanting to make every day they have with us special...You surely achieved that!
Take care.

with deepest sympathy,
Dorothy and Mikey

[SaxLady]

Again my heart is breaking! So many of our furbabies are leaving us lately. I am very saddened over your loss of your precious Nikki.
Love and comfort,
Candy

[Wylie's Mom]

Dear Sharon,

I'm so sorry you had to let Nikki go... it's such a hard decision to make. My thoughts are with you.

(((Hugs)))
Susy

[Spiceysmum]

Sharon,

So sorry to hear about Nikki, my thoughts are with you.

Linda and Spicey

[bgdavis]

I'm so sorry to read of your loss of Nikki. I can't image a better way to cross the bridge than by eating chocolate! I'm sure you are right in that the tumor made it impossible for Nikki to eat. She had a most wonderful 15 years and a most wonderful mom.

Bonnie and Angel Crissy

[nikkismom]

I am so grateful to all of you for your kind words. It has been a week since I said good bye to my precious Nikki. Each day is a little easier, but I will miss her every day.She truly made me smile every single day, even when she was sick. When my daughter was eight, she talked me into getting our cat by saying she wanted her own pet that loved her as much as Nikki loved me. Nikki was truly my dog. Although she loved everyone in her sweet gentle way, she was totally devoted to me. She was always at my feet or in my lap. But I was truly blessed to have her for 15 years. When each of us gets a pet, we know the day will come, but it seems so far away. Then suddenly, how did the time fly by so quickly? I know that I will get another dog when the time is right.I signed up to volunteer at the local animal shelter, so maybe the right dog will find me. Again, thank you all so much for your help and friendship. Sharon

[sarahbera1]

Sharon,
I am so sorry to hear about your Nikki's passing. My thoughts are with you.
Sarah, Darla & Rascal

[clydetheboosmom]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you -

Lynne, Clyde & Bailey