Is it too late? Sunny has passed.

[sunny]

My dog Sunny was a rescue 6 years ago and was believed to be between 3 and 5 years old at the time. About a year and a half ago she started having they frequent urination and water drinking thing but her sugar was normal so no further testing was done. Over the following months with symptoms increasing I found her to be a classic cushoid dog and started researching the best way to treat. I tried all the natural remedies first, and they seemed to help somewhat. The past couple months she has gotten worse. Two days ago she started throwing up everything she ate or drank. I was thinking maybe pancreatitis since she had had a possible episode of that shortly after I got her. She was also heartworm positive and has seizures, but that has since normalized. anyway, the vet told me yesterday no food or water for 24 hours to see if that helped. Overnight she got much worse and I had to carry her into the vets office this morning. She was too weak to even walk. He says her white blood cell count is 2 1/2 times normal, her liver is sky high, and her kidneys are elevated as well. He has her on IV antibiotics right now to try and treat any possible infection. I should mention that yesterday at the vets she did not have a fever at all, so Im wondering if this is actually an infection causing all this. Do you think this is a result of her cushings and that I have now waited too long to try conventional treatment? I would hate to think I chosse the wrong path of treament and now she is going to die sooner than was necessary becasue of my decisions for her. I love her to death and only want the best for her. She is my best friend, and the epitome of what a dog should be. Im not ready to lose her...

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi and welcome to K9C,

First, Sunny is right where she needs to be for the time being. If you don't notice an improvement pretty soon, you might want to have her moved to a 24 hour emergency clinic where and IMS is on staff, if one is close enough. (An IMS is an Internal Medicine Specialist.)

A trick many of us here use to help our babies when they are hospitalized, is to take a blanket or shirt or some other soft item that has a familiar scent on it to leave in their cage - if the docs will allow it.

This sounds a bit like pancreatitis but I'm no vet. Did they give you any test results? If not, ask for copies of them and post them here for us. That will help us give you more meaningful feedback. The recent tests as well as any done to diagnose Cushing's.

Keep talking to us, honey. The more details we have the better and it will help keep your mind occupied as I am sure you are frantic. I've been in your shoes a time or two, ya see. :p We are here to help in any way we can.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[sunny]

Hi and welcome to K9C,

First, Sunny is right where she needs to be for the time being. If you don't notice an improvement pretty soon, you might want to have her moved to a 24 hour emergency clinic where and IMS is on staff, if one is close enough. (An IMS is an Internal Medicine Specialist.)

A trick many of us here use to help our babies when they are hospitalized, is to take a blanket or shirt or some other soft item that has a familiar scent on it to leave in their cage - if the docs will allow it.

This sounds a bit like pancreatitis but I'm no vet. Did they give you any test results? If not, ask for copies of them and post them here for us. That will help us give you more meaningful feedback. The recent tests as well as any done to diagnose Cushing's.

Keep talking to us, honey. The more details we have the better and it will help keep your mind occupied as I am sure you are frantic. I've been in your shoes a time or two, ya see. :p We are here to help in any way we can.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

He said the pancreas was normal as was the sugar level. I had been reading posts here for a couple of months, and cried over a few,so I was thinking pancreatitis as well. My vet is a caring soul, and said he would either be taking her home with him tonight or sending her home to be watched by me, if I could handle it. He was estimating her stay to be a few days at this point, and said he was hoping it was an infection, as that could be treated, and then he would address the other two elevations, if treating the infection didnt affect them positively. He didnt say what would happen or worse case senario would be if it turned out to be something else, or what the possiblilities were. I guess he saw me so stressed out he didnt want to overload my senses with too much.
She has also been so classic in her symptoms, having every single one of them, that he always felt certain it was cushings as well, and from her seizures, most likely pituatary. We were going to do diagnostics necessary if I decided it was time for conventional treatments...I had just started her on the milk thistle a week ago after seeing it talked about here for liver function. I had also started her on malatonin and flaxseed lignons. All along I have been giving her CoQ10, cod liver oil, and a couple of other supplements. I dont know her numbers yet, but apparently he told my daughter who just visited Sunny that her liver readings were off the charts, at least one was..and the other was 2000 or so... She is basically just lying there with the IV in not doing anything more than opening her eyes and didnt seem to know my daughter was there, and she is her favorite human...I just hope I have the chance to try a different treatment for her cushings. The vet did express concern because of her advanced age. Thank you so much for your support. I really need and appreciate it...

[Roxee's Dad]

Hi Sunny's mom and a welcome from me too.

As Leslie mentioned, Sunny is in the best place she could be for now. Cushings does lower the ability to fight off infections, so we are keeping everything crossed here that the fluids and antibiotics will heal her up quickly.

Have you noticed that she was eating or chewing on anything in the yard that may have been hazardous? Fertilizers, insecticides, anything that the neighbor may have been using? What kind of treats does she get? Does she get any of those chicken jerky's strips??

Hope to hear soon that Sunny is improving and to learn more about your little girl.

[jmac]

Hoping she will get better soon. Like others have said, I'm glad she got to the vet, and he certainly sounds like a very caring man. Hopefully Sunny will improve and you will be able to figure out what to do next. You'll be in my thoughts...

Julie (& Hannah)

[sunny]

Sunny just died. I was led to go sit with her at the vet and she died while I was discussing her prognosis with the vet in front of her. I am devasted. He opened her up so we could try and determine the cause and he said liver cancer. Is that a common side effect of cushings? In any case, it was a comfort to come here these past months.Thank you so much for all you all have shared...

[lulusmom]

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Liver cancer is not caused by cushing's. You did everything right so there is no need for guilt or to second guess yourself. The liver is an amazing organ and dogs with liver disease or liver cancer aren't usually symptomatic until more than 70% of the liver is gone. There was simply no way for you to know.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Godspeed Sweet Sunny,

Glynda

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

I am so very sorry for your loss. At least you were with her and it sounds like you did everything you possibly could.

RIP Sunny

hugs from me and Jenny

[MBK]

I'm sure words are inadequate right now but, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You obviously gave Sunny a good life and did everything you could have for her. I am glad you were with her when she passed, so she knew you were always there for her. I hope that gives you some comfort.

RIP sweet Sunny.

[Tibetan-Mom]

I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I am happy you were able to be there with her. You gave her a wonderful life...she was a very lucky pup to have found you.

[sunny]

Thank you all for being here. She was the "dog of my life" if you know what I mean, and I will miss her dearly. I was always there for her whenever she started having a seizure she would try and make it to where I was knowing I would hold her until it passed...I just wish I could have made this better for her too. She was my best friend and companion since my husband died and there is a void in my life that wont be easily filled. R.I.P my Sunny girl...

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, honey,

I am so sorry to read this. :( If there is any consolation, you were with her when it happened. I am sure she was glad to have her mom close by.

As Glynda said, liver cancer is not associated with Cushing's, either treated or untreated. And there would have been very little you could have done had you known before hand. You did all you could for her every day she was with you and she knows that. Thankfully for both of you, it didn't drag on and on. :(

Today, Sunny is with your husband and they are both looking down on you with such pride and love and gratitude. Both are healthy, young and strong once again, and will be there to greet you when your job here is done.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick and our Angels, Ruby and Crystal

[Squirt's Mom]

I wanted you to know that Sunny's name has been added to our memorial list for 2011. She will be honored and remembered here always.

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2865

When you are up to it, we would be pleased to share in celebrating her life with you if you would like to post a tribute or memorial to your sweet girl. You can do this in our In Loving Memory section at -

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=8

Again, my condolences,
Leslie

[jmac]

I am so, so sorry to hear about your Sunny. But I am so glad you were with her when she went. I know she felt comforted with her "mom" there and I'm sure it will be of some peace to you that you were there with her in the end. And even though it has to be so impossibly hard right now, at least you can take comfort in the fact that there was nothing you could have done. Again, I am so sorry to hear you didn't have more time with her, but take comfort in the fact that she is no longer suffering and you were by her side until the end.

Julie & Hannah

[Roxee's Dad]

I am so very sorry for your loss of Sunny. I am sure she will be watchng over you.

Rest in Peace sweet little girl.... You are now our newest and brightest star in the sky.

[sunny]

Oh, honey,

I am so sorry to read this. :( If there is any consolation, you were with her when it happened. I am sure she was glad to have her mom close by.

As Glynda said, liver cancer is not associated with Cushing's, either treated or untreated. And there would have been very little you could have done had you known before hand. You did all you could for her every day she was with you and she knows that. Thankfully for both of you, it didn't drag on and on. :(

Today, Sunny is with your husband and they are both looking down on you with such pride and love and gratitude. Both are healthy, young and strong once again, and will be there to greet you when your job here is done.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick and our Angels, Ruby and Crystal

Thank you so so much...I guess I know there probably wasnt much I could have done differently...I spoke again to her vet and he said all her organs looked normal except for her gall bladder which was huge and that the duct was plugged. He siad there were nodules on her liver, I guess that was how he arrived at the liver cancer diagnosis. Now I wonder if we had known the state of her gall bladder if removing it would have given her more time. I guess it doesn't help to second guess now. All I know is she is gone and I am grief-stricken...
Thank you again to everyone for your kindness during this time. I will write a tribute to my girl when my emotions are a little more under control.

[sunny]

I am so very sorry for your loss of Sunny. I am sure she will be watchng over you.

Rest in Peace sweet little girl.... You are now our newest and brightest star in the sky.

Thank you, John. That is a beautiful sentiment.

[sunny]

I am so, so sorry to hear about your Sunny. But I am so glad you were with her when she went. I know she felt comforted with her "mom" there and I'm sure it will be of some peace to you that you were there with her in the end. And even though it has to be so impossibly hard right now, at least you can take comfort in the fact that there was nothing you could have done. Again, I am so sorry to hear you didn't have more time with her, but take comfort in the fact that she is no longer suffering and you were by her side until the end.

Julie & Hannah

Thank you so much. It was a blessing that I was there even if she didnt know it at the very end. I would have felt even worse had I arrived after she was gone.

[k9diabetes]

I am so very sorry to learn of Sunny's sudden passing.

Two of my critters in the past three years have managed to thrive despite serious chronic medical problems (IBD, diabetes, and severe heart disease), only to die fairly suddenly of cancer. In both cases, we found the cancer just a week or two before they passed away. They hide the symptoms so well that it's common not to find out about it until it is advanced. And it's not that we didn't look - ultrasounds, x-rays, blood panels. Sometimes the diagnostics just aren't able to identify it early.

I know Sunny must have been very grateful to you for rescuing her and giving her the best that life had to offer for the time she had to share.

Bless you and godspeed to her,

Natalie

[sunny]

Thank you, Natalie. Sunny survived heartworms and its harsh treatment before I adopted her. She had been given an experimental shot to get rid of the heartworms that was recalled shortly after. I believe this shot caused her seizures...She did eventually outlive the remaining heartworms and was negative last year...Then there was this Cushings that was never really treated by conventional methods, so I guess you could say she survived that as well..I m not sure in my own mind she actually died of liver cancer since her gall bladder was no enlarged and basically plugged up. and it bothers me that I didnt ask for bloodwork sooner, but I am telling myself she probably wouldnt have survived the surgery anyway if we had suspected it to be her gall bladder. I hope I can someday quit feeling like I could have done more to save my poor girl. I am so lost without her at my side.

[StarDeb55]

I've have kept up with what has happened to Sunny since you first posted this morning. First, let me say I'm deeply sorry for your loss, & the huge shock of it. I can truly understand the shock as my little 15 1/2 year old Shih Tzu who had been doing pretty well with his Cushing's treatment for 2 1/2 years developed some very vague, non-specific symptoms that never lasted very long. He had seen the eye vet for a bad left eye infection at the end of last August. She rechecked him in early Oct., & found a huge mass on his left upper jaw. I seriously though it was just a severe dental abscess. I woke up the next morning to blood spray all over my bed where he sleeps. To make a long story short, I rushed him to my regular vet that afternoon. She did not like the looks of the mass in his mouth. She took a series of x-rays which showed "spots" all over both lungs with the report coming back as consistent with cancer that had spread. I went from have a healthy, senior pup in early Aug., to having a new Cushing's angel last October. From the time the mass was found, until Harley crossed the bridge was 5 days. Believe me, I understand the shock, grief, & denial.

I know words are not worth a lot right now, but I will be thinking about you.

Debbie

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sunny's Mom-

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I think you got a blessing in that you were there with her when she passed. I think that is a very important part of pet ownership, when it is possible. I don't see on this thread but it appears to me that Sunny hasn't been sick all that long. That is another gift. Plus you were spared having to make the decision yourself when the time came.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I know your pain.
-Susan

[foxandhound]

I am so sorry for your loss.
Please dont think about that kind of stuff. Many animals do not survive surgery in advanced stanges. I very much agree with Glynda, we often dont even know anything is wrong until it is in an advanced stage.

Same goes for Bloodwork. Often times- during stages of illness- numbers will not be high enough to cause alarm or warrant further testing. Sometimes the values will be high, but not high enough to start treatment.

My dog just went from normal, every day life of long walks, jumping and wrestling her brother to rapid onset congestive heart failure. She is still here, but she is dying. We live everyday knowing that and it's hard for me to not emit fear, anxiety, and sadness...none being positive energy. :( Stuff like that only scares our little doggies, so it's best to make their time here peaceful...and that requires that we are peaceful and accepting. Easier said than done, right?

Sometimes, not knowing can be a Godsend for you and your pup, and his/her last months/weeks here. Here as in on this Earth. Surely, Sunny is now looking down on you and always will be until you meet again.

I wish you the happiest of memories and laughs, which is what Sunny would have wanted. Take care and know you did all that you could. xoxo

[sunny]

Thank you, Susan, and I will always be grateful that I was there in the end, as hard as that was.
And Debbie, I remember reading your story a few months back while I was researching Cushings to find better treatment for Sunny, and I remember crying at your final outcome. Thank you for your kind words...
We folks here share a common and powerful bond based on love and connection to our beloved pets that I don't think everyone can fully understand. They are not just our pets, but our family. My relationship with my Sunny was a spiritual one and I will forever believe divine intervention brought us together for our common good. I know she appeciated having me in her life just as I was thankful every single day for what she brought to mine.

[Spiceysmum]

So sorry to hear about Sunny, my thoughts are with you.

Linda

[sunny]

Thank you, Linda...
And Annie, I feel for what you are going through and hope you can enjoy the time you have left together...I guess I kind of shared that pending separation experience, too, since Sunny had Cushings for at least two years and that was from what I was reading an average survival time..., in addition, she was getting up in years and I knew she couldn't live many more...It's so hard, I know. I would give everything to be able to reach next to me and pat that sweet head once more. I hope I can get past the guilt I feel because the grief alone is more than I can handle... I just can't get the image out of my head of she and I sitting in the car waiting for the vet to arrive and her putting her head across the console that separated us with her tired, sick eyes,looking at me as if looking for some comfort and for me to make it better... It's one of the hardest experiences of my life, and I've had a few...

[Bailey's Mom]

It is oh so hard-but it does get better.....in time. You did all you could and Sunny knew she could let go and that you will be okay-in time.
-Susan

[bgdavis]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sunny's fate was sealed with the liver cancer. It is one of those diseases that do not have many positive outcomes. Hold her close in your heart.

Bonnie and Angel Criss

[logans mom]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. My thoughts and prayers are with you.



Debbie

[arlene]

I will be traveling your road shortly...my love and prayers are with you....

[jrepac]

Rest in peace Sunny.

These things often happen quickly and unexpectedly. Even if we are already doing all we can for our babies. I am sure Sunny is in a better place now.


Jeff & Angel Mandy

[mypuppy]

I am deeply saddened for your great loss. Sunny will always be a special part of your life and will forever remain in your heart.

Tight hugs. Jeanette and Princess

[sunny]

The end of day 2 is here and I have spent the day trying hard to distract myself from the pain. What has made it worse is the talk I had with the vet today over the phone. I did a little research on liver nodules and found that they are not always malignant...this cast doubt on the liver cancer theory that was actually providing me some relief from guilt...Now I have to consider tht the outcome COULD have possibly been different had I reacted to her first signs of distress..the throwing up all day Sunday, and perhaps sought out one of the 24 hour clinics that maybe would have discovered her high elevations in liver, kidney and white blood cells and maybe been able to somehow figure out it was from her enlarged gall bladder/plugged duct and got to her while surgury was still possible...or I had a second chance the next morning when we made it in to our vet and he said she didnt look too bad and was looking at other causes for her throwing up and decided on a wait and see with a 24 hour fasting to see if her system would reset itself...He told me we could do that or do blood tests right then. I asked him what his gut reaaction was as to what to do at that time, and he said he saw nothing life-threatening and said he would fast her for 24 hours and see how that goes. I took his advice. If I had decided to go a more agressive route maybe we might have been able to save her...This is tearing me up inside, the thought that a decision I made might have caused my sweet girl her life. I wish I has had the presence of mind to ask him to send some of her liver nodule off to see if it was actually cancer or not, but I just took his word for it when he said liver cancer, when actually he was only guessing...it could have been primarily her gall bladder that was the cause of her death as it was the bile that poisoned her system. I am in the worst kind of pain. I hope no one else ever has to suffer both the pain of losing a beloved pet and the guilt of feeling maybe you let them down in not protecting them. It's killing me inside...

[Spiceysmum]

Hi,
We all understand how you are feeling and most of us feel guilty that we could have done more but you did the best you could for Sunny out of love for her. Before the days of the internet we just accepted what the vets told us and probably didn't have has much guilt but now we feel it is our responsibility to find out all of the answers and it is not always possible given that one symptom can be the cause of many different illnesses. I still feel guilty nearly a year on but deep down I know I did everything I could. I know how heartbroken you are but try not to let the guilt take over. Thinking of you.

Linda

[BestBuddy]

What ifs do us no good at all. Sunny was a beautiful and much loved family member and I am so sorry she passed away.

I had twinges of guilt when Buddy passed away, I was home for lunch and he was fine but he died before I returned home from work only a few hours later. I felt I should have known something was wrong, surely I should have noticed something. He was old and diabetic but I really thought our special connection would have given me some extra insight so that I would know when it was his time. I was blindsided.

There are supposed to be five stages of grief and they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

I know it hurts and we all take different amount of time to move through the stages. I can only wish you strength to get to the acceptance stage so that you can remember the good times with Sunny and smile.

Jenny

[StarDeb55]

It's possible that the gall bladder disease was the main issue. I do want to tell you that Harley had apparently had a blocked/partially blocked bile duct at some point in time that the 2 of his vets figured the blockage probably cleared on its own before he got sick. In the discussion I asked about surgery to remove the gall bladder, & both vets told me that this surgery is very, very risky, & less than half the pups survive it. I don't think you did anything wrong, you were going with a vet you trusted. Remember our pups are very, very good at hiding how they feel, usually not showing any signs of being ill until they are really sick. I learned this with Harley.

Debbie

[Squirt's Mom]

I hope no one else ever has to suffer both the pain of losing a beloved pet and the guilt of feeling maybe you let them down in not protecting them. It's killing me inside...

I know exactly how you feel. :( My Crys had multiple ortho problems and most of the time was severely restricted in her activities to help with the pain and continuing damage. But she was a dog, and deserved to live as a dog should as much as possible. So when she had good days, I would let her simply be a dog - running, playing, chasing things, just enjoying life.

On one of those good days, I let her out of the house off leash. She came out the back door, saw a squirrel immediately and took off after it. Her joy was obvious. She followed the squirrel across our yard, across the neighbors yard and into the road - where she was hit by a car. It shattered her front left leg from the shoulder down. She lived for a few minutes after but she also had internal injuries.

As she lay there with me, my mind tried to say that we could just amputate that leg and she could live...but that would have left her with just one decent leg - the front right....but I wanted her to stay with me so very badly.

It's been a year since Crys died and the guilt still tries to take over - I should have never let her out loose; I should have stopped her from chasing that squirrel; I didn't train her well enough; on and on and on. But the bottom line is this - she deserved to live like a dog as often and as much as possible. And she was fully living as a dog when she was killed. I could have kept her tied and crated and kept her alive, but what kind of life is that for a dog, much less a young dog?

You and I did the very best we knew to do for our girls. We loved them as much as possible, we gave them every chance at a normal life, we took every action we knew to take to help them have a healthy, happy life. I have to believe that if Crys had survived that accident, her life would have held that much more pain, more vet visits, more restrictions....she deserved better so she was called Home, where she is strong and whole now.

Crystal and Sunny are running in the Rainbow Fields today, happy and full of joy. No more pain, no more sickness, no more vet visits, no more restrictions, no more meds....just an eternity of bliss. When our jobs on this old planet are done, they will be at the end of The Bridge waiting for us. We will once again hold our girls and cover their faces with kisses. We will walk into forever with them by our sides.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[Timmy's Mom]

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Sunny.

Your story sounds so similar to mine. I lost my sweet Timmy 5 months ago and I know what those first couple days feel like. Below is an email between Marianne (lablab) and me. I hope it helps.

I have also found the poems in the "In Loving Memory" section to be helpful as well as the information on this site that deals with grief.

I found this link through the In Loving Memory section and it talks about dealing with grief. It has been helpful to me:

http://www.vet.upenn.edu/SpecialtyCa...1/Default.aspx

Two lines in particular have comforted me from this series of articles:

"Unfortunately, one of the prices we pay for loving so deeply is to suffer deeply when the bonds with our cherished animal friends are broken."

"Yet the person who worries most about not having “done enough” is often a person who has already gone to superhuman efforts to care for that pet."

There are many other helpful resources in the In Loving Memory section as well.


First my email and then the response from Marianne (lablab)

Dear Marianne,

I guess what I find myself struggling with are all of the unknowns: I didn't know Timmy's age when I adopted him through Westie rescue. Looking back over the 6 years I was blessed to have Timmy in my life, he was probably already a senior dog and now knowing what I do about Cushings, he probably already had it. I think he loved his new home so much (I was told he had numerous homes and at one time was even found as a stray!) and knew how much I needed and loved him and so he fought extra hard to be with me for as long as possible.

He only lived 6 weeks after the Cushings diagnosis (Jan 2011)-- It's hard dealing with loss when you have to deal with a disease so terrible as this one and one that I knew nothing about--I had no time to prepare for losing him. I am thankful that I live just minutes away from the Iowa State Veterinary Hospital and that Timmy's regular doctor also was at this hospital--I believe he received the best care possible--it's still tough......

I have found the K9cushings site to be very helpful, especially reading stories similar to mine. The articles on grieving have also been especially helpful. The "In Loving Memory" section is just what I needed.

Thanks so much for the wonderful work you do to help all of us with Cushings pups.

Kathleen

Dear Kathleen,

Thank you so much for your kind words about our "In Loving Memory" forum. I am grateful to know that it has been a help to you, and I will always remain watchful for anything that you should choose to write there.

My own Cushpup, Barkis (the yellow Lab who is my avatar) was my very first dog (growing up, my family was devoted to cats). When we released him from his suffering, I was unprepared for the depth of my grief. I simply had no idea how profoundly I would mourn him and miss him. However, I am one for whom writing has healing powers. And so I found it a comfort to be able to share my thoughts over time on "In Loving Memory." Even though I have responsibilities for the forum as a whole, "In Loving Memory" remains the heart of my connection to the website. I hope it may turn out to be a comfort for you, too.

When Barkis died, my family was also left with a lot of unanswered questions. And when that is the case -- when there are uncertainties to haunt us -- I think it makes it all the more difficult to find peace and closure. It takes a long time for the happy memories to return to the forefront, replacing the trauma of the worry, and the indecision, and the guilt. And even though nobody else has the right or the ability to change your feelings about what has happened, I can promise you that our wonderful members will walk alongside you as you come to terms with Timmy's illness and passing in your own time and in your own way.

I am really glad that you found us, Kathleen. And I will be watching for you on the forum. Whenever you are ready to write there, we will be ready and waiting to welcome you.

Marianne

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi-
What a wonderful note from Marianne......and she is so right on. I think one of the things I learned to do, with Palmer's passing, was to let all the feelings come, whenever they did. Of course I'm not suggesting collapsing in sobs in the middle of the supermarket or anything like that. I knew my love was so strong and that it would take time for me to accept that loss.
I always found, no matter what I had to say or when I entered it, someone here would always step up and comfort me. No one can fix this. Oh how I hope you realize soon that the what ifs just don't matter. We all make the best decision we can at the time, out of our very deep love for our pets. They trust us to do what is best and sometimes we just have to go with our gut. Sunny knows how deep your love was and is. Sunny wouldn't want you to suffer because of this loss. Take whatever time is right for you. It will get better. I promise.
-Susan

[sunny]

Susan, You are so right about the comfort being offered here..I am finding it invaluable to my survival throughout this. It allows me to not have to unload all my grief on my family who is having to deal with their own. And I find myself driving down the road and just crying with these gut wrenching sobs, almost primal, if that makes any sense. I will be forever grateful for the support I am being offered here from so many kind and caring people. I am still making my way through all this pain, but hopefully this crushing heaviness in my heart will be lifted someday so I can give love to another dog needing it. They wont take Sunny's place, but maybe it will help the healing process...

[Timmy's Mom]

Something that I did was create a photo album. I cried, smiled, laughed and sobbed looking through all of Timmy's pictures. The project of printing the pictures, putting them in an album, along with other things like cards from friends and family, and creating a list of my favorite memories, all of the nicknames, etc. not only kept me busy, especially the first few weeks, but it was a way to pay tribute to my sweet boy.

When I found this forum, 3 months later (on Mother's Day of all days) I created a photo album and tribute page to Timmy (this is found under User CP, top left of every page). If you consider doing this, we would all love to join you in celebrating the life of your sweet angel.

Your tribute to Sunny in the Remember section was so beautiful. I read it earlier today--I cried-- I've been thinking about you all day.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kathleen
(Timmy's Mom)

[jmac]

I don't even think I can read the tribute yet, because every time I read anything on your thread I end up with tears in my eyes, or rolling down my face!

I love the idea of the photo album to help you. I made a little scrapbook for my parents' dog (one of the family dogs before my brother and I moved out) when she had to be put to sleep and it was therapeutic for me, and my parents really enjoyed it as well. Now we can look at it and smile and laugh at all the silly things Maggie used to do. I'm thinking of you too, and hoping that each day gets just a little bit easier for you.

Hannah & Julie

[sunny]

Thank you both so very much. I love the idea of the photo album. I'll have to dig around and find some though. Sunny was like me and very camera shy...If I pointed a camera on her she would turn her head away. So funny...I always thought it was because they took photos of the adoption pets and maybe she thought I was trying to adopt her out..lol..Anyway, I have my family wanting me to go out and get another companion from the pet adoption this weekend. I think they are worried about me and think keeping busy with another dog would help us both. I'm afraid I would be looking for Sunny's twin, though, and I want to wait until I feel so drawn to another that I feel compelled to take her home. Maybe that's selfish, though, as I know there are lots of dogs needing a home and love...

[jmac]

I think you'll know when you're ready. I do think there is some truth that a new dog can help you heal. We lost our dog Bailey about 5 years ago, and it was only about 6 weeks before we came home wiht Izzy, both to help us and to help Hannah, since she no longer had a canine companion.

My parents are like that too. They have four dogs-all adopted-and three with special needs of some sort, and it seems like every time they lose one they end up with another one. It is definitely fulfilling to save another life, but you do have to be ready. I started looking around and visiting adoptions, and just finally felt ready.

My Izzy is scared of the camera too. She wasn't at first, but now it isn't too easy to get pictures. She runs away when she sees me get the camera out, and she is just now figuring out the camera on my new phone, so that won't work either. Hopefully you can find a few pictures and can enjoy some happy memories.

Julie & Hannah

[MBK]

I think in some way, it would be an honor to Sunny for you to get another dog. You wouldn't even consider that if it weren't for the beautiful experience Sunny was. But, like you said, you will know when the time is right and when the right dog and you connect. For now, take care of yourself.

I read your tribute about how intuitive Sunny was and how she alwasys sensed how you wer feeling. It reminded me of an explanation I once heard of why dogs have such short lives: Dogs are born with so much wisdom. They love unconditionally. They never hold a grudge. They enjoy the simplest things and live life with gusto. People, on the other hand, need many, many years to learn these things and some never do. We can all learn a lot from our dogs and I think Sunny was a great teacher.

[Casey's Mom]

I have just caught up with your thread and learned of Sunny's sudden passing. I am so very sorry for your grief. Please do not hesitate to let us help.

Love and many hugs,

[sunny]

I think in some way, it would be an honor to Sunny for you to get another dog. You wouldn't even consider that if it weren't for the beautiful experience Sunny was. But, like you said, you will know when the time is right and when the right dog and you connect. For now, take care of yourself.

I read your tribute about how intuitive Sunny was and how she alwasys sensed how you wer feeling. It reminded me of an explanation I once heard of why dogs have such short lives: Dogs are born with so much wisdom. They love unconditionally. They never hold a grudge. They enjoy the simplest things and live life with gusto. People, on the other hand, need many, many years to learn these things and some never do. We can all learn a lot from our dogs and I think Sunny was a great teacher.

That is so very true. And that was certainly true of Sunny..And she did love the simple things, like lying next to me and having her belly rubbed..That was Nirvana to my Sunny...

[Bailey's Mom]

I know the "primal sobbing." Several times after Palmer was gone I buried my head into two pillows thick and sobbed my heart out. I was able to get relief from than gut wrenching pain. It does get better.
-Susan

[Eskimo'sMom]

I am so SORRY! I am writing this post through tears. Sunny did not pass in vain. You just confirmed for me that I am doing the right thing for Eskimo. Even though Sunny did not have Cushings, I am able to relate to your thought process.

Our dogs are so special to us, and I cant help but think that in nature when it's there time to go , they know it and to them it is just another stage in their lives. But boy, the impact it leaves us with I can imagine is UNBEARABLE.

Rest in Peace , Sunny, and may the angels feed you all the biscuits you desire!

[sunny]

Well, yesterday I went with my children and grandchildren to a pet adoption and then visitied the local ASPCA is search of another companion at their unrelenting encouragement. I in no way felt ready as my heart is so heavy, but they found a year and a half year old blonde lab that had been returned to the ASPCA after the previous adopter had to bring her back after a year of bonding because her husband had a form of dimentia that caused him to abuse the poor dog in some way. She resembled my Sunny a little, only larger and without her wise eyes...I felt no personal connection to the girl, except maybe that she was grieving for her former family and was depressed and not eating. My grandchildren and all three of my daughters loved her as she was so sweet and friendly and Im sure enjoyed the grandkids as her former owner had young grandkids as well.. My youngest daughter, 18, who still lives with me, loved the dog and wanted me to get her. I finally told them I'd have to think about it and left. I hate to let my daughter down, but I am just so drained from my grieving that I dont knonw if I can muster up to energy to care for a new dog in the house right now, as I would be the one in charge of most of her care, no matter what my daughter says. And it might make me hurt even more having another dog around, especially one I am not personally attached to. I would be getting this dog for everyone else in the family and not for me personally. Im sure I would get attached after time, as she is a sweet girl, though, even if not "my" dog...While we were there, a previous visitor to the facility called and asked if Bella (her name) wa still available, so that put even more pressure on me to decide quickly or maybe lose her. I guess I will learn Monday morning if he came back to adopt her and if this is even a possibility. I just really wonder what you all think I should do if she is still available tomorrow? I hate to disappoint my daughter and the rest of the family, although most of them are just looking out for me and are trying to help by encouraging me to get her or some new dog...If she is no longer available, i will probably go check out other adoption sites this week and see if one speaks to both me and my daughter. I really don't believe there is a dog anywhere that can really help ease my pain, but I guess there is something to be said for helping out another dog and just plain keeping busy...

[StarDeb55]

You shouldn't rush into getting another pup. You will know when the time is right. Of course, you wouldn't be replacing Sunny, but you would simply be offering another place in your heart for a new pup. I would tell the family that I know you mean well, but it is simply too soon. Please give me time to grieve in my own way for Sunny.

When I lost my Harley at the beginning of Oct. of last year, I knew I wasn't ready to immediately turn in & try to find another pup. For me, it took about 3 months before I decided that there was room in my heart for a new friend. I, also, know that Harley was whispering to me that, "You & your Mom found it in your hearts to give me a good, loving home. I know that you miss both me & Barkley, but couldn't you make room in your heart to give another pup a chance at a good home?" It took about a month of checking rescue websites, Humane Society, etc. before I found a pup where we both fit each other.

Debbie

[sunny]

Debbie, I know you're right, but I guess the thing that has me second guessing is that my daughter is also grieving and seems to have made a connection to this other new dog, and I am only even considering this so soon to help her. I would hate to deprive her of a special friend if that is what this dog would be for her. Maybe Bella would be her Sunny...It just complicates my decision.

[Harley PoMMom]

I truly believe that you and only you will know when the time is right to let another furbaby in your home and heart. If it were me, I would tell your children that although you very much appreciate their concern that you need time to grieve.

If this is going to be your furbaby and you are going to be taking sole care of him/her then it is only fair that YOU have that special connection with that furbaby, this is only fair to the furbaby too.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and many hugs,
Lori

[jmac]

I agree with the others. YOU need to be ready for another dog. It will never, of course, replace Sunny, as it shouldn't.

Yes, it is wonderful to give another dog a new home, but it has only been such a short amount of time. You do need to be ready, too.

For us it only took about 8 weeks after we lost Bailey, but I know I wouldn't have been ready in only a week. For some people it would take much longer.

I understand your concern for your daughter, but hopefully she can understand that you are just not ready yet.

You will know when you are ready AND when you feel that connection with a dog. Wait until both of those things happen.

Thinking of you...

Julie & Hannah

[sunny]

Thank you all for your input. There is a lot of wisdom here...
Missing my girl like crazy...

[jrepac]

I think you'll know when it feels right to get another; you can never "replace" the pup you have lost. The newbie will just make the days a bit brighter and carve an entirely new and different place in your heart.

I've brought in 2 new pups since my baby passed in the Fall...I love them dearly, but they are their own unique little selves. I may draw comparisons to their predecessor, but really that's it.


Jeff, Angel Mandy and puppies Pebbles and Pepper

[Bailey's Mom]

Okay-I read this all earlier and had to go away....I thought maybe when I returned there would be some news as to whether the lab is still available.
I agree with the wisdom of all the respondents. I also would like to gently point out that your daughter is 18, you say. She is either a senior in high school about to go off to college, or about to get a job or something. You said yourself how you will be the primary care taker. While this lab is not a puppy, there still may be a lot of training to do. If you're questioning whether or not you're ready, then you're not. Please don't try to find something to fill that hole or take the place of Sunny. A new doggie won't do that and you will still have your grieving to process.
A new puppy/dog is a real commitment. Don't get into that before you're truly ready. It's not all kisses and wag-y tails.
Please keep us posted as to your decision and know that everyone here will support you either way.
-Susan

[sunny]

The lab is still available but I have not done anything about it. I know my Sunny can never be replaced, even if I waited a year to adopt another. I am convinced the only way to get through the grieving process is to go through it, no shortcuts. I know deep down this hole in my heart will always be there. I have found the only way to keep from getting totally depressed and unable to function is to try and have periods of activity to distract my mind now and then to let it rest. I am reminded that sometimes when we are grieving for our loved ones it is suggested we do something for others to help the healing process..I guess that was what my rational mind was telling me when I even considered helping another pup this soon after my loss. It was just so profound and all-consuming I was desperately looking for something to get the focus off my pain. And my guilt...Then there was this poor dog who was also grieving over the loss of her home and loved ones. There was such sadness in her eyes and I was told she was barely able to eat... I could have just told myself that I just wasnt the answer to her situation that I was in too much pain myself... but then my daughter had this connection with her... I have not decided what I will do at this point, but if she finds a home soon, I will not be looking for another dog in the near future. I am under such stress from all this I feel like I am getting sick. And I never get sick. My immune system is really suffering. What I wouldnt give to have my sweet girl back with me for just a little while... I just feel so empty inside.

[sunny]

I miss my sweet girl so much. Can anyone tell me when this awful pain and depression will ease up and when there will be sunshine in my life again? I was not prepared for the great sense of loss and emptiness I would someday feel over losing this dog. My poor Sunny girl..I still feel like I let her down.

[StarDeb55]

We all grieve in our own way & our own schedule, I know that's not what you want to hear. When I lost my heart dog, Barkley, in 2006, I was devastated. He was a Cushing's pup, but ultimately lost a fight against lymphoma. Even with chemo, I knew the day would come where I would have to make the decision that none of us want to do, EVER. I spent countless nights just basically dazed to the point of depression, wanting my Barky dog back. I simply kept going the best I could, & each day did, eventually get a little easier. Have you tried to see if there might be a pet loss support group in your area? I know you can find groups on-line. It might help if you had someone to talk to who understands your pain & grief.

Please come back & talk to us when you need anything, even just someone to listen.

Debbie

[sunny]

Thank you,Debbie. It does help just to share my feelings on here as I know I am not alone is my grief and that others have gone through the same feelings.

[Squirt's Mom]

It is my experience that the pain never goes away, it is always there to remind us of the love we shared with the one who is gone. But the rawness of it does pass with time and with it, the dark depression we so often feel.

This gut-wrenching agony you feel right now will fade and as it fades, memories of good times with Sunny will start to shine through. One day you will suddenly feel an odd change in your face and you will realize you are smiling again, a real smile and not one forced through the pain. Not long after, you will be thinking about something one day and a memory of something silly Sunny did will come and you will find yourself laughing about it again. Before long, you find you are searching your mind for memories of your life together and finding them, you hold them up to the light and relive them over and over because now instead of pain, the memories bring peace and comfort.

Honey, you did not let Sunny down. She knows this. She knows you did all you knew to do for her and that you loved her with all your heart - she couldn't have asked for more. Her love for you continues for all eternity and in that love, she knows that one day you will be together again, never to be parted.

We are here any time you wish to talk.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[littleone1]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know this is a very difficult time for you, but the pain does ease as time goes on. Think of all of the wonderful memories you have of Sunny.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Dave Ruske]

I haven't been around much lately, but I'm also very sorry to read about Sunny. We lost our dog Aleah to acute liver failure as well, though as we didn't do a post-mortem we'll never know for certain whether her adrenal tumors metastasized to the liver or whether the Cushing's had been suppressing some sort of inflammatory liver disease.

Many times over the last few months I've found myself wondering "what if," thinking that perhaps some decision along the way might have saved her... but like everyone else here, we make the best decisions we can for our dogs given what we know at the time. It's abundantly clear from reading your posts that you in no way failed Sunny. She was lucky to have you.

Praying for your healing,
Dave

[Bailey's Mom]

Leslie-What a beautiful response.
With time, things become bearable.....and the smiles and chuckles do return.
-Susan

[sunny]

We received my sweet Sunny's ashes back yesterday. It was both deeply movingly poignant and gut wrenching at the same time to be standing there holding this little tin box and realizing it was all I had left of her. Her soft coat, soulful eyes and loving energy are all reduced to fit this unaturally small vessel. Along with her came a card with her name on it and a copy of the Rainbow Bridge, and a bookmark with a top embedded with seeds to be planted to grow a small flower garden in her honor. The bottom of the bookmark had these words,
"We may not be together in the way we used to be; We are still connected by a Cord no eye can see...So whenever you need to find me, We're never far apart... If you look beyond the horizon and listen with your heart"...

[Nika'sMom]

I want to say how sorry I am for your loss of your Sunny. I know how it feels when your pup comes "back home"...when I brought home my last pups ashes 5 years ago, I honestly could not believe it was real..along with it came booklets and cards and the wonderful rainbow bridge story....my 80 pound pup now sits on a special shelf with all of her favorite toys and bones and collar etc...and I can honestly say that when I look at it now...I smile, and I remember the most amazing times that I have ever had in my life. Plant those seeds and keep the memory alive, with a smile. The words on the bookmark are so very touching..I absolutly love it!...bless you my dear and many hugs coming your way..Lynda

[sunny]

I want to say how sorry I am for your loss of your Sunny. I know how it feels when your pup comes "back home"...when I brought home my last pups ashes 5 years ago, I honestly could not believe it was real..along with it came booklets and cards and the wonderful rainbow bridge story....my 80 pound pup now sits on a special shelf with all of her favorite toys and bones and collar etc...and I can honestly say that when I look at it now...I smile, and I remember the most amazing times that I have ever had in my life. Plant those seeds and keep the memory alive, with a smile. The words on the bookmark are so very touching..I absolutly love it!...bless you my dear and many hugs coming your way..Lynda

Thank you, Lynda. It helps to hear from one who has been here....Cindy, Sunny's mom

[addy]

Sending tons of love and hugs your way and wishes for a better day tomorrow.

Love,
Addy

[jmac]

It does get easier, just like Lynda said. Eventually, that urn will bring out the happy memories and you can look at it without feeling sad. I love the quote, and the fact that they give you seeds with the ashes. What a nice idea!

I'm hoping each day will get a little bit easier for you.

Julie & Hannah

[sunny]

I haven't been around much lately, but I'm also very sorry to read about Sunny. We lost our dog Aleah to acute liver failure as well, though as we didn't do a post-mortem we'll never know for certain whether her adrenal tumors metastasized to the liver or whether the Cushing's had been suppressing some sort of inflammatory liver disease.

Many times over the last few months I've found myself wondering "what if," thinking that perhaps some decision along the way might have saved her... but like everyone else here, we make the best decisions we can for our dogs given what we know at the time. It's abundantly clear from reading your posts that you in no way failed Sunny. She was lucky to have you.

Praying for your healing,
Dave

Thank you, Dave. The guilt is intensifying the pain for sure. I just hope all this gets easier with time. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Aleah. I guess there are a lot of kindred spirits here, united with the loss of our beloved pets. It's hard to fully understand unless you've gone through it.

[sunny]

Thank you all for your kind responses..It is a comfort knowing you all are here to listen...Cindy

[linda126]

I am so sorry for your loss. It is never easy.

[sunny]

Im just updating to the present...I have still not found another dog to connect with but I really didn't expect to this soon. I have instead gotten involved with animal rescue in my city. While looking for another dog I visited my local kill shelter and was shocked at both the great animals there and they lack of caring for their lives. It has been a race every day for rescue groups here to try and save as many animals as they can each day through promoting adoptions and rescue groups. I have fostered three different dogs in the process until a home can be found. My latest is a pointer border collie mix, Darla, who is here on the sofa with me now. she was on her last day at the shelter on the critical list, due to be PTS that day when she was paid for and pulled and placed in foster. I miss my Sunny every day, but feel this is one way to honor her and what she meant to my life..

[labblab]

I miss my Sunny every day, but feel this is one way to honor her and what she meant to my life..
Oh my goodness, I can think of no higher honor to Sunny than your rescue work! Bless you for joining the angels among us who are saving the lives and spirits of your fosters. And thank you for returning to check in with us. I do not think we ever stop missing our loved ones. We just have to find ways to live with the pain. And I can imagine no greater healing balm than opening your heart to these furbabies in need. Please keep us updated, OK? I'll bet you already have many stories that bear sharing...! ;)

Marianne

[addy]

"For everything I do, I do because of you"

The most heartwarming and healing act of kindness you could possibly do to honor the bond and love between you and Sunny, you are now doing everyday.

Surely joy has come out of the deep sadness as it is meant to do. I applaud your efforts and am grateful you have found such a caring, loving way to honor Sunny.

I hope in the coming days, another dog will touch your heart in the same way dearest Sunny did.

Thank you for coming back and sharing and I hope we hear from you often.

Love,
Addy

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, Cindy, what a truly wonderful tribute to your precious Sunny! I can just see her grinning and wagging her tail so fast it's a blur every time you look at one of your fosters. She knows that love you showered on her has no end, no limit; she knows your love for her just continues to grow and grow, blanketing others as it did her. Sunny is so proud of you....as am I. And I add my thanks to that of those babies you have and are helping.

Do stay in touch and let us know how things are going....and share stories of your fosters! ;)

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[jmac]

I agree, Cindy, that is wonderful! Good for you! I want to do that some day as well. I have volunteered a couple of times at adoption days for rescue groups, but I would love to do more. I have thought about you several times wondering if you found another dog. I'm so glad you gave us an update....and a wonderful one at that!

Take care,
Julie & Hannah

[Cyn719]

What you are doing is one of the most beautiful things to me - Sunny would be so proud of his Mom for sure as we all are of you - I can picture you sitting there with your foster dog right now!! :) These dogs thank you and so do I for your time and love - one day you will come across the right dog and you will know it right away - keep in touch - would love to hear your stores :)

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Cindy - How great it is, what you're doing. What a wonderful tribute to your relationship with Sunny. Please keep us posted from time to time so we know how it's going.
-Susan

[sunny]

I will always hold this place in my heart as the lifeline it is and will never stay away very long. Thank you all so much...My first foster, Murdock, just got adopted today, and by the looks of him with his new owner, it appears to be a perfect match. He loved chasing sticks in the back yard and now this big goofy lab has a yard of his own to enjoy. It is so deeply satisfyig to see these guys being saved from an awful fate to go on to a new life where they can be shown love, some for the first time. There are, of course, gut wretching days like this past week where despite our best effort, 30 dogs were put to sleep before even getting a chance at adoption. One man had just brought his two dogs in because they were getting loose and destroying the neightbors garden, and he obviously was under the impression they would be given a good chance at adoption. His two pets were put to sleep as soon as they were checked in, because the shelter was too full to advance them to the adoption section. It was obvious he wasn't aware this was going to happen even when another rescue volunteer who happen to be there at the time told him that their chance of being adopted was slim. She said the poor man looked distressed, but hung his head and walked away, leaving them to their uncertain fate. It was a very sad thing for both the man and his dogs. Owner surrenders are the saddest thing because often the dogs had formed bond with their owners and are left confused and heartbroken to find themselves in this strange place. We managed to find another set of dogs who were owner surrenders a new home together, allowing them to at least keep their own special bonds to each other, so it's not all loss and heartbreak... And then there was the case of the 9 abused starved hounds ,all skin and bones, that the media followed here, that all except for one, we managed to find homes or rescues for, and they are all doing great. If you could see their before and after pictures it would make you cry... I miss my girl everyday, but am reminded that she, too, was adopted from a shelter, and she was the best girl in the world. These dogs are so grateful to the kind soul that chooses to adopt them and give them a loving home. We can all rest assured that each of us is doing our part by loving the dogs we are blessed to have with us and doing our very best for them in spite of all the challenges we face with their illness. And I don't need to remind you all of the rewards we enjoy by having them a part of our lives. Thanks again to all of you for your kindness and support. I will never forget it.

[jrepac]

It's a great thing you are doing Cindy...keep up the good work! It's heart breaking to hear these stories, but we all know this is the reality out there.

Jeff, Angel Mandy & the Girls