Not sure where to post this one....

[clydetheboosmom]

Hello all -

I have been really doing a lot of soul searching, and I knew if I came here, you all, of anyone, would understand.

Clyde and Bailey are still with me, and as I read all the sadness, I know I should be grateful and view each day as a blessing...which I certainly try and do.

Bailey is able to still get around, get outside, her appetite and spirits are good.

Clyde - well, Clyde's spirits, appetite and bodily functions are good, but his ambulation is very hard for him. He also has a hot spot that he has chewed raw (ugh!) and I finally had to put an e collar on him for the first time ever because I am worried about him never healing his foot/leg. It has been a battle for a few weeks. I keep the wound clean, spray it with chlorhexidrine, and cover it with sterile banadages, but his separation anxiety gets the best of him as soon as I am out of sight. I finally called the vet to see about having it seen - it is an ugly wound, and I feel guilty that I waited, but..honestly, they weren't going to do much more than I am - clean it, antiseptic, dress it, try and keep him off it. And the adrenaline rush and drama it brings him to have the vet come is hardly therapeutic. He ends up crippled for days after a visit.

I guess I am struggling because people always want to give advice - he's old, he's not going to make it easy for you, etc., and this advice is so upsetting. I already know that each day is a gift, and my philosophy with them has been - as long as they are eating, drinking, peeing, pooping, playing with toys and seemingly not in pain, I will let them tell me when...and Clyde still is doing those things. He goes outside still - on the porch rather than the stairs - but he does his thing and hangs out there, enjoying the breezes and having a bark at the neighbors or people passing by. He still comes from wherever to eat his food and he still plays with his rope - just while sitting! He has good days and bad days, but the good still outweigh the bad at this point.

I had a freaking heart attack going to work with that e collar on him!

My issue? I feel that neither Clyde nor I are ready at this moment...and I know the day is coming - I'm not in denial. Or am I? Am I really being a bad mommy? This is my greatest fear.

I knew you would understand. Thanks for letting me vent it out.

Lynne, Clyde & Bailey

[Roxee's Dad]

Hi Lynne,

Just know we are here for you and you can vent anytime.

I have the same type of situation with our Mickee....he is about 16, has arthritis, doesn't see so well anymore, can't hear and seems to get confused or lost. He still loves his food and treat times. Seems to know when it's time and won't let me forget. He never did play with toys but still seems to enjoy life.

So like you, I will let my heart be my guide as that is all we can do. When I have a moment of wondering if it's his time...he goes outside and lays in the grass and enjoys being petted and I say to myself...you are still enjoying life and we take it day by day.

Your love for him will outweigh your pain when that time comes. Like you, I dread that day although I know it's getting closer.

(((HUGS)))) To you and Belly ribs to the pups.

[Franklin'sMum]

Lynne, honey,

You're not being a bad mommy! Please don't ever think that. Everything you do comes from a place of love, and that can never be wrong. You said Clyde is still enjoying his life, and that is what counts, okay? When that day comes, you'll know, he'll tell you.
Hugs,
Jane, Franklin and Angel Bailey xxx

[forscooter]

Lynne,

You couldn't be a bad mommy if you tried. I saw your post and had to reach out to you. The decision, when and if it comes, will come from your heart. This struck a nerve with me bc I struggled so much making the decision for my Bailey.

I had surgery last year and was home for weeks. Those weeks allowed me the time to really get a look at the quality of his life. He couldn't get up on the couch anymore, he struggled to do it, something he loved. He slept all the time and I mean all the time. The twitching and the eye rolling...well, there were many indicators of a tumor or something going on neurologically with him.

I don't want to jam your head full of all those details though. Not the purpose of my post. I can only tell you what helped me. I knew my boy. I knew what he loved and I knew the pain he had to have been feeling. And even with Scoobie, it all came down to one thing....bc in the midst of losing my parents back to back, and it being the day after Christmas, and people worried about me....I had to turn the question to one vital one. It was the question only I could answer. It was the only question that could lead me to making a decision one way or another. It was the same question I asked myself throughout the time they were sick.

Who am I doing this for? Him or me?

I had to evaluate the overall quality of their lives for each one. I always knew when the answer to that question became "me", it was time. Because I never wanted it to be about me. I understand about the vet visits and the toll they can take. That also played a big part in my decision. I didn't want their lives to be about vet visits and pills and needle sticks...to me, it isn't what being a dog is all about.

A while back Saskia posted something about a dog worthy life. And although some of the answers to what was written were still yes, I still came back to the simple question, "Who am I doing this for?"

I love you, my friend. You will know when enough is enough. Sometimes we have to turn off our heads so we can listen to our hearts. Because the answer is always there. Whether it is time or not...you will find the answer in your heart bc that's where your connection with your two reside...

I have the cup....and I also have complete faith in you always doing what is best for both Bailey and Clyde. I always have.
(((((((((hugehugs)))))))
Beth

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Lynne,

Beth has said it all so eloquently and with such empathy.

I will only add that you are family and you can vent any time for any reason. Nothing you ever say could make us think you are any less than an incredible mom.

Many hugs,
Leslie

[jrepac]

Eh, it's really hard to know when it is "time"...my feeling is that if they are not in pain, can eat, drink and do their business, let them enjoy each and every day with you. That "time" will come soon enough, no need to rush it.

I would never want to see my pet suffer, nor go to endless lengths to prolong a life when the pet is obviously very, very ill. I've had to deal with that.

But, sometimes, things that bother us really don't bother the pet all that much, like loss of sight or hearing, for instance. They are such adaptable creatures that they can take it all in stride.

I know for my Mandy, priority #1 was a good quality of life and she did have that. But, it is hard to see them slow down w/the various afflictions, just like we all will have one day. And, you know that day is going to come...you don't know when or how, but that it will come. I felt that each and every morning over that last year with her. So, I say enjoy and treasure every single day...they have painfully short lives, so make the most of it.:o

Jeff & Angel Mandy

[MiniSchnauzerMom]

Lynne,

I am sorry you are struggling and I hope you will be able to just let go of the upsetting advice about Clyde. No way are you being a bad mommy! Please erase that thought from your mind. You've always been a great mommy to both Clyde and Bailey.

Lynne, I don't believe you are in denial, just listen to your heart. The answer is already there in what you wrote....

I feel that neither Clyde nor I are ready at this moment....and I know the day is coming - I'm not in denial.

Vent, vent, vent....and I hope you feel better!

Hugs,
Louise

[mytil]

Oh Lynne,

I really cannot say any more than what the others have mentioned. It is very frustrating I know. And I know you have been a great mom to him and will continue to be. I am sorry to hear about that ugly spot he has.

Take care
(((((((hugs))))))
Terry