Apollo fought with grace and dignity to the end, My little angel warrior

[addy]

Smelling Zoe has always brought me peace and happiness and my heart fills with so much love so I cant imagine not being able to have that, sweet Sonja. I saved a shirt of my father's and I take it out , hold it, burying my face in it, some 13 years later after losing him.

[Budsters Mom]

Whatever you need to help bring comfort. We totally understand. I have Buddy's cuddle blanket and stuffed frog that are mine now. They are never far from me when I'm home. Everything else has gone to Rosie, but not those special items that meant so much to Buddy. She will have her own special things. There is nothing wrong with clinging to what we have left from them. Be gentle with yourself. Hugs to you and Ariel. Xxxxx

[molly muffin]

Hi Sonja :) Tickles to Arial.
There is no rule about what makes you feel better. Whatever it is, it is what works for you, your special connection to Apollo.
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
I would do whatever makes me feel better, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Everyone is different in their grieving process. Don't judge yourself for how you are feeling now, as there is no time limit on missing and grieving for your baby. I still cry when I look at pictures of my other dog that passed from cancer many years ago. It never truly leaves your heart when you totally love something, the hurt just becomes part of your life that you somehow deal with. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Dear Friends
Thank you for all your kind words. It has been a challenge with Apollo's lose. I miss him every day. I try to look at the gift he was to me. My support, my teacher, my angel, my friend.
Dear Addy,
I lost my father is 2003 and have his coat we got him when we lived in Austria. It sits in the closet and once and a while I will put it on to comfort me.
Arial is quite a challenge. Remember Addy , Sunday, Vienna café day-hot coffee, scoop of vanilla ice cream and top off with whip cream. Well the little rascal got a hold of the whip cream when I left the room and when I came back whip cream was all over his noise and on the floor.:D:p:eek: I said that was between Apollo and me not him. Will he is going to get into my heart no matter what and will find room for him with Apollo.
love Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Maybe Apollo is whispering in his ear, teaching him some of his funnier antics. You never know. :)

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[scoora]

Sonja,
Thank you for the condolences about my Scoop. I know exactly how you feel about Apollo. My heartache never stops. I miss my Scoop so very much. I watched Apollo's life on You Tube. That is so precious. This Cushing's disease is so horrible to some of our babies. I know it will take me a long time to get through this.
Big Hugs

[addy]

Sonja, I remember Sunday Specials with you and Apollo.:):):):)
Maybe you and Ariel with continue the tradition but in a different way.
I know your heart is big enough to include that.:):):)

I am so glad Ariel found his way to you and Ithink it is good he is so different.

Dearest first friend, my mom is in the hospital, she fell and has fracture ribs and a back fracture. I have not had much time, so please understand why this post is so short.

Always thinking of you and your family, sweetie. My love from my house to yours.

[apollo6]

It is almost 11 months since my baby is gone, Sept 9, 2012. I have had a little set back. Been crying a lot. I miss him so much. I am trying to get through this and I know it will lesson with time. August 24th is our wedding anniversary, last year we spent it with Apollo and Karma at an outside café, so it is hard. My birthday was August 1, this is the first birthday without a picture with Apollo. He loved the camera and always knew when to pose. I tried to throw out old supplements from Apollo yesterday, all I could do was cry.
I have a hard time getting Arial to sit still for a picture. I love you all.
I just am struggling, I keep blaming myself, that I should have done more and why did he struggle so much. He was so proud and dignified to the end. I just need to struggle through this. He was such a part of my life.
Arial is a little bit of a clown. Saturday, I left the kitchen table, he got into my oatmeal and black berries. Then throw up twice. And my fear started coming back about Apollo's sickness. I had to calm down and take a breather. Arial is okay and back to normal. I cared for Apollo so long, I forgot what a healthy dog is like. But I would not have changed anything about caring for my baby.
Love you all
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

Some important milestones to have to experience without your Apollo, that is hard. Bigs hugs and a belated Happy Birthday.

I did laugh when I read about the oatmeal bowl, not that Ariel threw up after eating it but while I was reading your story, my two had there heads in my oatmeal bowl as they get to lick the bowl every morning.:)

Guilt is an ugly monster that needs to be kept at bay. I know that is easier said than done.

Love and hugs

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
It is ok to cry, although I wish you did not have to struggle thru this. I know I would be a basket case if my Tipper left me. Some struggle more than others with the passing of their beloved babies. It is no crime to not be able to handle the grief you are feeling. You can't be strong all the time, and everyone breaks down at times. It is just these babies are such a part of our lives, we care for their every need, and when they are no longer there it makes such an emptiness. It is so different to have a healthy dog have something wrong and pass. It is hard to explain to people that there is nothing like this journey you have gone thru with your baby. I think this disease just scars you for life. I wish I had never heard of this terrible disease. It has changed my whole life, and not for the better. Please know that I feel your pain, and understand that you cannot get past this easily. Just come here and talk and get your feelings out. It will help the next person not feel guilty because they are struggling with their loss. I will pray for you and your sweet Apollo in heaven. Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

Happy belated Birthday from me too.

Oh I do hate those moments when it all comes rushing back and the pain hits so hard. You'll always miss Apollo, he was just, Apollo and there can be no other like him. Arial though is a sweetheart. I laughed too about the oatmeal and blackberries. I can see that happening no problem and then the ugh, not such a good idea wretching. blech. What on earth was I thinking must have gone through his head.
Hang in there Sonja!
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Bailey's Mom]

Happy Belated birthday from me as well. Apollo was such a cutie. I miss him, too. Sonja, this will get less painful in time. If you will let Arial into your heart, there is room for him there. Apollo would not want to be responsible for causing this much pain in your life. He would want you to realize that he will always be in your heart and that no one can ever take that space away, but that there is room in your heart to love again.
Hugs,
Susan

[goldengirl88]

Happy Belated Birthday:
I hope you are doing well and finding a way to heal your broken heart. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

September 9th, will be one year since I lost my baby and it still is a struggle. Apollo was my teacher. My holistic vet always said, Apollo was born an old soul. Because of him, I fell in love with dogs, and animals in general. He was the first dog I ever had. the love, companionship, support he gave me through so many difficult times can not be measured. He fought so hard for me. the vets said he was such an angel with all the blood tests, medications, pocking,etc.
I had to look at a photo, from the Airport , feb 2,2012 to see how alert he still was. a friend bought me a book "Hello from Heaven"
Wish I could say all is well. I do have moments of happiness with Arial, and memories of my baby. I am still struggling with guilt, trying to deal with it. It just takes time.
Love you all Sonja, Angel Apollo and his little brother, Arial-the love bug.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Sonja,
I am glad to hear that Arial is finally starting to find his own little place in your heart. :)

Apollo knows how much you love him and is grateful for all you did for him. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did the very best you could and that's all any of us can do. When the time is right, you will realize that fact. Apollo is running free and happy now like the rest of fur babies. He is happy and pain-free and he wants you to be happy too. Xxxxx

[apollo6]

August 24 will be our 39th wedding anniversary. We will celebrate it at the same place we did last year with Apollo and Karma. we decided to celebrate Apollo's last stand.
It will be bitter sweet,this year with Karma,without her brother and with her new little brother,Arial. Always in my heart. I don't want to forget him. My husband summed it up simply" There will never be closure to Apollo's life" He was one of the joys of my life,through good and bad times.
Always there for me.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[molly muffin]

Hi Sonja, what a lovely tribute this will be to go back on your 39th.
I don't think you have to search for closure, more like peace. Peace to remember Apollo and the joy he brought to you and your family with everything he did. Peace to celebrate what a gift he was your lives. Peace to acknowledge that he gave the gift of himself and paved the way for Arial to have a safe and loving home too. And finally Peace to know that although their time with us is so short, we treasure it even more.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

Happy Anniversary Sonja!

I hope the coming years are filled with Sonja's Super Sunday Specials with lots of whipped cream and I hope Ariel honors Apollo's tradition of licking all the cream for it is truly a gift when the next "generation" so to speak can carry on a tradition.:):)

Our babies are never forgotten and I think Sharlene said it beautifully, eventually, we just find peace and cherish the memories.

Hugs and love and hopes for a beautiful day to you and hubby.

[Simba's Mom]

Sending hugs to you, cry all you want, whatever helps you get through hon, I'm clinging to the good memories of my Sim and comforted that he is no longer in pain...here for you!

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Thinking of you and you angel. Sending you hugs and love, and hoping you can start feeling better. Just cry when you need to , I do and there is nothing wrong with that. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

I still can not get myself to write on other threads . Sunday we went to the place we went last year with Apollo and I could picture him in his carriage, now realizing this was his last stand before he would stop fighting this disease. I miss him so much. Sept 9th, one year anniversary will be hard. I still can not grasp that I will never be able to hold him again. I was always so afraid of him getting cushings and was always grateful when I was told he did not have it, but now I realize that was not to be. My dear friends, I cry when I read what other's have gone through and am envious of the ones that are still hear. So I keep coming back because I need to remember. just for today. At night I pray for my little boy in heaven.
Arial is so different. I am challenged by his fears, anxiety at times. And then I see how much he wants to be with me and I just say come here to Mommy and he crawls up on my chest for kisses. Bad Bad breath!!!:eek:
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
p.s. Arial , Apollo's little brother

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
God Bless you, I am so sorry for you to be feeling so badly. I do understand however, as my Tipper is my world and I am frightened that it may come crashing down at any time. I hope you can find some peace and that your heart can be healed as I know you are suffering so much. All the babies lost to this disease this year is astounding and very sad. I pray for them all. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

Oh Sonja, sweet friend, big hugs and love being sent your way.
Sweet kisses to Arial, bad breath and all:):):)

[apollo6]

Thank you all for the comfort.
Next week will be a year since I lost my baby. I wish I could say all is well. The pain has lessened but the lose is always there. I have his pictures everywhere in the house, and I still miss him so much.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Hang in there Sonja. Grief is a process and it can take a long time to get to a good place in your head and heart.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

That is a hard milestone, Sonja. Give your self permission to feel sad and grieve.

HUGS

[apollo6]

to all my loving friends. I pray more Cushing parents find you for love ,support and guidance. There is no easy path with this disease, as Apollo and I found out. I could not have gone through all of this without your kindness, love and support. Apollo will always be in my heart. I think about him everyday. I pray your babies are well.
It has been a tough year.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
much gratitude for the senior member who help others, Addy, Molly, etc.

[Budsters Mom]

Sending you tons of love. We love them so much! It takes a long time for our hearts to heal. Be gentle with yourself. Xxxxx

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
I am going to say a special prayer for you in hopes that God will help heal your broken heart. Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

Sonja, dear heart. I do hope this coming year will be a bit easier to bear than the last one has been for you.
I hope that Ariel can continue to mend your heart and that somehow Apollo finds a way to help you ease the pain.

Hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

Happy birthday,my Angel Apollo. Today would have been your 15th birthday. I light a candle in your honor. I am honored to have had you in my life. You are still apart of me and my life.
You fought so hard and with so much,courage,strength and dignity to stay here with me. I miss you every day. I still feel like I should have done more,that I could have done better by you. Forgive my Angel.It has been over a year and I miss you every day.
So many beautiful moments. Those soulful, beautiful eyes,your face.
You were the first,best,friend to me. So smart, so loving,so stubborn.
You hated having bathes,as soon as you saw the towel,you would find a hiding place and it would take me awhile to find you. You loved to look at me in your car sit,or put your little head on my shoulder. Our Weekend whip cream treats. The sigh you would make when we would take a nap and you would be looking at me lying on my chest and being content. Our evening apple snacks. You would pull the covers off me and sit on my chest to get me up in the morning. IF I throw your toys,you'd run get them,run outside and hide them in your dog house. I felt safe when I would fly because you would be under the seat and I could reach for you to reasure me. You were my support through so many difficult times in my life. You would lick my tears when I was upset. You made me love,laugh,cry,feel.
My sweet little Angel may you be joyous and free until we meet in heaven.
Hugs Sonja

[Squirt's Mom]

Happy Birthday, Apollo!

Watch out for Crys and Tasha - they will snag your cake! :p

[infoviewer]

Happy Birthday Apollo, please welcome CoCo and show him the ropes and tell him we miss him terribly. Your mama is still missing her bestest ever baby. Love, JoAnne

[infoviewer]

Sonja: I cannot believe it has been a year since you lost Apollo. Time does not seem to lessen the tears and love for these babies. I see by your post that CoCo did a lot of the same things as Apollo. We are still so distraught after 3 weeks. Just hoping it gets better soon. Love, JoAnne

[goldengirl88]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY APOLLO
Sonja:
I hope you are doing well. My heart breaks for you. It seems that so much is put into trying to keep these babies going, that it takes an enormous amount of time to try and even heal the pain of their loss. Thinking of you and sweet Apollo. Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

Happy Birthday Apollo!!!! :)


BIG HUGS to your momma :)

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Trish]

Happy Birthday Apollo, hope your having a fine day!!

[Budsters Mom]

happy birthday angel Apollo. you are loved more than you will ever know. Buddy can smell cake a mile away. You better eat it fast!:p

Big hugs to you dear Sonja. Xxxx

[scoora]

Happy Birthday Apollo!!

[apollo6]

Thank you so much.
A little comfort knowing our babies are running free and keeping each other company, watching out for each other and us from heaven. Our cushing angels.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
Scoop, Coco, Buddy, Crys and Tasha etc. we love you and miss you every day.

[addy]

Hi Sonja,

Dearest first friend and Sister in Battle, thank you so much for your kind words of support on my thread. I know these past months have been so hard for you with anniversarys and birthdays so for you to take the time to come to me with words of comfort mean quite a lot.

We have been through so much together, sweet Sonja, we have been together here for over 3 years now. I know our dear Apollo is looking down at us and watching over Zoe and I know when it is her time, he will meet her at the Bridge and take good care of her.

You both mean very much to me and never doubt for a minute that I will ever forgot our brave warrior in his red chariot. It is a bond that can never be broken.

Sending much love and many hugs, sweet kisses to Ariel

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
It is hard to find comfort in anything after your baby has passed. Knowing that he is not alone, and is with all the other cush babies helps I know. It will never lessen the emptiness that you feel, and the hole in your heart. Just know I think of you, and hope for brighter days. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your kind words. You give me strength and support.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Thinking of you and your sweet baby Apollo. Maybe you truly never get over losing a baby to this disease, it may possibly have to be an acceptance from within us that they are no longer here. I know I would never, ever get over Tipper is anything happened to her, it would kill me literally. I do know how you are feeling and my heart aches for you. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

It has been over a year and the grief is still very strong. Below is something my mom gave me. The loss is always there.


A Dog’s Last Will & Testament
Before humans die, they write their last will and testament, giving their home and all they have to those they leave behind. If, with my paws, I could do the same, this is what I’d ask…
To a poor and lonely stray I’d give my happy home; my bowl and cozy bed, soft pillow and all my toys; the lap, which I loved so much; the hand that stroked my fur; and the sweet voice that spoke my name.
I’d will to the sad, scared shelter dog the place I had in my human’s loving heart, of which there seemed no bounds.
So, when I die, please do not say, “I will never have a pet again, for the loss and the pain is more than I can stand.”
Instead, go find an unloved dog, one whose life has held no joy or hope, and give my place to him.
This is the only thing I can give…
The love I left behind.


Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

That is beautiful Sonja. Hugs, Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

aww sweetie, that is beautiful and that is exactly what you did to honor Apollo's memory. brought tears to my eyes.


dang Sonja, you will be okay. I know you will for our little boy is watching over you.

love ya

[apollo6]

dropped by to say hi to all of you.
Miss my boy everyday. My sweet angel Apollo.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
Arial helps me cope with Apollo's loss. I think of how much a part of my life Apollo was and still is.
Love you baby boy
Hugs Sonja and your little brother Arial.

[infoviewer]

Thanks for that beautiful dogs last will and testament Sonja. I am not there yet and I am so heartbroken this time I don't know if I ever will be. Some days I don't feel like I can bear the pain of losing CoCo. My problem is with 5 vets how did they miss congestive heart failure until the day before he died and it was too late for the medicine to help. They had no problem finding cushings, diabetes and hypothyroidism, but missed the congestive heart failure. Of course I also missed it I just thought the hard breathing was because we took him off the Trilostane to start Lysodren and he died 31 days after taking him off Trilostane and 5 days after starting insulin. Just venting and so heartsick. Love all of you, JoAnne

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Thinking of you and sweet Apollo. My heart goes out to you. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

Hi Sonja,

I am so glad you stopped by to say hello. I am hoping Ariel will keep you busy over the holidays. I know it is hard. This time of year can get to be a challenge. I think the short days dont help. We need sunshine on our brains:):):)

How are you doing with your art work? I would love to see some more of your work. You are very talented.

Sunday I am planning to celebrate the day (nothing special as far as a holiday, etc) with one of your Sonja's Super Sunday Specials!!!! Just a good excuse to make one.

I have fond memories of our trip to Austria. We were able to take my Mom on that trip. I still remember how excited she was when she was able to put her hand in the Danube:):):) I took her picture, her grin was so large!!!!

[molly muffin]

Sonja, it is always great to hear from you.

What have you been up to? How are things going?

We miss you around here, so please do drop in and say howdy from time to time.

How is Ariel doing?

Sunday special Addy? do tell. :)

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your kind words.
All of you.
Addy, I took my mom back to Austria, to see our relatives about 15 years ago. Back than I had the courage to drive through Germany and Austria on my own.
Molly the Sunday special is a Vienna ice caffe( a hot coffee with a scope of vanilla ice cream, then top off with whip cream and a dip with a chocolate swirl cookie). Apollo loved the whip cream.
Arial is a challenge he get panic attacks and starts crying and howling . I took him to a Halloween dog party last week. It was a little too much for him with all the activiites. An animal communicator said he has no record of being a puppy , was closed off from the world, so baby steps to introduce him to it, because it is all new to him.
A friend suggested I take him to a training class for socialization. Who knows what traumatic experience he went through. I got Apollo as a baby so he had no fears, etc.
I finished an art class about a month ago, may post some of my drawings. Just today while walking I started crying thinking of my little boy. Love you all
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
I totally understand and get it. I know where your heart is. I pray for you and sweet Apollo. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

my dear friends,it has been little over a year since my Apollo died. I still cry and question his treatment. did the ivermectin, too many antibiotics, medicine do more harm then help. should I have had the skin infection removed before it got so out of hand. Just 3 weeks before he died he still enjoyed his food and smelling the fresh air. Because we love them so much and their life is in our hands it just makes it even harder. I still struggle with guilt. I miss my boy everyday and want him back. I do know have moments of joy with Arial. He has helped me cope with the lose. I am so greatful that you are here to help me get through this. We help each other with a very painful,complicated, baffling disease. why can't they find a cure for this cushing monster.:(::mad:
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

Oh Sonja, hugs and love to you. I dont know why things happen the way they do but I do know you cared for your little boy and did everything you could to help him.

This time of year is so darn hard.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
I know the guilt you harbor as I have guilt over my Tipper to for ever letting the vets give her prednisone. That is what started all this Cushings stuff. I am so sorry that your heart still hurts. Know that I am thinking of you and fighting this battle one day at a time. Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

Hi Sonja,

I wanted to stop in and wish you and Ariel a Happy Thanksgiving.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

thank you all.
Wishing all the cushing parents and their fur balls a blessed thanksgiving.
It was a quiet one for me, I was blessed to spend it with my Mom and Arial. Doug is up in Reno for now. I thanked God for my Doug,(he is know dealing with heart disease), my Mom, crazy little Arial. I thanked Doug for giving me Apollo for Christmas in 1998, for the almost 14 years I shared with my baby. But in the silence , I miss my baby, I just wanted a few more years with him. But God blessed me with almost 14 years with this special little dog who was the love and joy of my life. I am blessed to have all of you in my life also.
Love Sonja, Angel Apollo and little Arial.

[doxiesrock912]

Hello Sonja,
Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!

I'm hoping that those experimenting with radiation will have some real breakthroughs soon so that more dogs with Cushings can be helped.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Hope you had a good Thanksgiving. I think of you and Apollo often and pray for you both. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Thanksgiving was quiet for us. Will post later. The Holidays bring back sweet memories of my Apollo. Our Karma is already 14 1/2 years old and doing well. I made a picture of Arial wearing reindeer antlers ,well try to post later and one of Apollo,many Christmas's ago.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
I heard a quote on TV " it gets better with time,but the sadness never goes away". I never know when it will hit me, I just go with the feeling until it subsides.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Thinking of you and your dear Apollo. You are like me, when the emotions come out you never know when or where it will be. I just let them out no matter what if people don't understand that is their problem. I can understand how you feel, even after time has gone by it never leaves you, you always carry the sadness in your heart. God Bless you Sonja
Patti

[addy]

Hi Sonja,

Thank you for stopping by on my thread dear friend. I alway love hearing from you. I hope your mom is fine.

I would love to see the picture you made of Ariel. Even harder to believe that Karma is 14 1/2 though Koko turned six in August but I still think he is five. Forever Five Kokomo;)

I watched a golf tournament with my Mom yesterday. it was in Thousand Oaks, Ca. We just could not belive how beautiful it was and I caught myself thinking of you and wondering how close it was to you. Every year at Chrsitmas, a jewelry store advertises a dachsund necklace and every time I see it, I think of you and Apollo.

Love coming at you from every direction:):)

[apollo6]

Wishing all a merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, etc.
Addy I am losing it. I thought you were in southern Cal. I will try to some California worth up your way. We do get spoiled here. We think 57 degrees is freezing. For some one from Canada, I have become a wimp about the cold.
I did down load the picture of Arial with his antler's on, in Arial's photo album.
Missing my boy as always. Can not believe it has been over a year since his passing. Felt he should have had a few more years. But 1 month short of 14 years old is what I need to be grateful for. Trying to focus on the loving and fun memories when I can.
Love you all
Sonja

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Thinking of you and your sweet boy Apollo at this time of year. I hope you are doing well, and have a wonderful Christmas. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

Merry Christmas dearest friend.

I love Ariel in his antlers and I hope he wears them Christmas Day.
Thinking of you and yours, hope your mom is ok and I hope you are as well. I know how hard these darn holidays can be.

Love you a bunch.

Ho, Ho, Ho, oh- go on my thread and watch the penquin parade Trish posted. You will smile ALOT

[apollo6]

Christmas was bitter sweet. My second Christmas without my little boy,Apollo. HE so loved opening his present,Karma's present and any other present in his sight. He would make us laugh just watching him. Arial is so different. We had to open his present for him. It was very quiet.
Christmas Day Doug found a road by the Scripps Institute of oceanography. We found a beautiful park overlooking the ocean,took Arial and Karma for a walk. But an miracle happened. We all felt Apollo was with us. Apollo and I used to watch the humming birds in my patio and I had humming birds painted on his paw imprints. The trees were full of humming birds. One humming bird flew to me and was within inches of my face. They were flying around us, flying above us.
I miss him everyday. I still question did I do right by him. I remember my vet giving a list of when I should end his life,quality of life. He felt I should end it? Apollo lived almost a year after that. Yes his health got worse,but he fought so hard to stay for me. And I remember telling him if he wanted to go I understood. But he is always in my heart.
Mommy loves Apollo, Apollo is Mommy's Angel.
May you all have a blessed ,prosperous,healthy,joyful new year. To all the cushing babies still here ,their guardians,parents and the ones who have past over we love you,remember,love you, care for you, have you in our hearts for ever.
Hugs Sonja, Angel Apollo and his crazy little brother Arial
P.s. When Arial doesn't listen, I asked Apollo to guide him.

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your love and support A Toast to bring in the New Year:
May your home never be too small to hold all of your friends.
MAY YOU live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.
May the good Lord take a liking to you, but not too soon.
May you have warm words on a cold evening, A full moon on a dark night, and the road downhill all the way to your door.
May your neighbors respect you, trouble neglect you, the angels protect you, and heaven accept you.
Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening, and live everyday as if it were your last.
Have hope, faith, joy, good health and peace!
Happy New YEAR AND ALL THE BEST FOR 2014!
May there be a cure for Cushings. To the fur balls still fighting and the ones in heaven we honor and love all you. You all are always in our hearts.
To my Angel Apollo , I think and hold you in my heart for ever.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[doxiesrock912]

Beautifully said Sonja. Thank you! Happy New Year!

[Budsters Mom]

Such a beautiful poem Sonja.:p Happy New. Year my dear! :p Apollo is probably up there right now giggling at silly little brother.;) xxxxx

[molly muffin]

Happy New Year Sonja~ to you, Arial and angel Apollo.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

I think of you all often. It has been 1 year 4 months since my Apollo died. I wish I was fighting still for my baby? The lose is always there. He endured so much in the last few months. I miss you every day, my little man. I pray you and you furballs are doing the best you can. I will write later.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
Always in my heart.
hoping Addy and Zoe improve, and Sharlene and Molly continue the battle for us all.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
I really feel for you as this has taken it's toll on you. I know how bad you must be feeling. I hope this grief lessens for you, but totally understand what you are going thru. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

Dearest Sister in Battle, thank you for coming to our thread. I do understand your pain as I know when Zoe leaves me, a part of me will be gone forever. Sometimes I think it is because we have never loved anyone so purely and simply as we do our once in a life time heart dogs. I have fought many battles in my lifetime as I know you have as well, but none have we fought with such singleminded devotion and determination as the battles we both fought here.

But today, you have Ariel and I hope the sun is shining, it is here, which is rare lately.

I will put Zoe's troubles in the drawer today and you lock up your grief today. So my one good thing today is I can reach into the cupboard for a mug to make a Sonja Sunday Special:D:D:D:D:D
Dont laugh, I could not reach into the cupboard at all.:rolleyes::eek:

Biggest hugs sweetie, love you dearly, my first friend.

[apollo6]

Dear Apollo
It has taken me a while to write this to you.
I came to this site to save you, I stay a while longer to save me. Every time I read we lost another baby , I cried, and thanked God it was not you. I dreaded when that day would come. Even when we would go to the park, people would say they never saw such a loving bond as was between us. I know you are still with me, because I wear the locket with your hair close to my heart and hold it often.
When you died I stopped breathing. I'm still trying to breath.
Doug said he didn't think he would have been as brave and strong as you were. You tried so hard for me.
I have so much guilt and grief still. You ,not me were the teacher. I never had a dog before and it was you who taught me so much. Because of you I loved animals even more, tried to enjoy the moments, little joys. My vet said you were born an old man. All the vets and techs who took care of you said you were one of the best patients they had, so sweet and loving. August 24,2012, at the vet's when he said you were dying , it would not be long and he prayed I would not have to make that decision for you, he held you so loving in his arms and kissed your precious little head, while Doug and I were crying. Then on Sept 9th, 2012, I felt distressed all the day, decided to go over to Mom's. While she was holding you , you reached out with your head for me, I grabbed you as fast as I could and you let out your last breath. I screamed so loud and broke down.
I went back on my notes and never realized how much you endured. I kept blaming myself for putting you on the Ivermectin, then the Advantage Plus, then so many antibiotics to try so hard to fix you, when I should have been trying to help you. All those drugs, with the TRilostane did not do you any good. And for months telling the vets there is something wrong with your intestines.
My Cushing babies, you were not born with Cushing's. I feel the combination vaccines and so many of the drugs given disrupt your immune system. My sweet Apollo, I try to look at the loving and fun times we had. There were so many. You comforted me, loved me, made me laugh and yes cry and supported me. I would care for you again in a heart beat.
Thank all of you for supporting me and not judging me.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Sonja, that is beautiful.

You know that we are all about support. That means after care support too.

I think after is even much harder than during. During you are so busy, trying to figure things out and do whatever you can to help them. Then once that stage of life is past, it is like all the air goes out of the room, out of your body and you are left with an empty husk that at first is filled with nothing but sorrow and grief and pain. This is washed and turned over daily with tears of turmoil.

Eventually though, that sorrow starts to drain out of us, little by little and in it's place must be filled with something else. If we have learned anything on this journey, we know that what we have to fill it with is hope, and light and love. Where that comes from and how it manifests itself is up to us.

hugs to you sweet Sonja,
Your journey continues, it just continues in a different way now, on a different path. I hope that the path always has a light shining to guide you forward.
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

Beautifully said. My sweet Sharlane and spunky Molly. and as you posted earlier, when you have a cushing baby, you have never been as obsessed with a good pop day.:eek:
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
After the rain comes rainbows of love, sadness, beautiful memories, and as you said, Hope, faith, the courage to go on.

[goldengirl88]

So absolutely heartbreaking Sonja I cried at every word. God Bless You. I wish Cushings was wiped off the map.
Patti

[apollo6]

My sweet Angel Apollo, it has been 1 year 6 months since you died. Saturdays are the worst, I start crying because it was our whip cream day for breakfast and you loved whip cream.
For Christmas 1998 your daddy gave me you as a gift. You were 6 months old. Doug remembered I was promised a dachshund puppy from a litter when I was a little girl. I never got the puppy. You were the first dog I ever had. You were my teacher, you are my one and only. I never forgot when I got you. I looked at Doug and said what do you want me to do with him. I made you sleep in the kitchen . You were crying so hard I took you to bed. And you went to bed every day with me after that. I was crazy about you. I hated to leave you at home. When I was taking classes, I could not wait to get home. I named you Apollo because you were so regal, arrogant, loving, stuck up, very stingy with the kisses, you were the king, so proud. When you would meet another dog, they had to come to you. When I would come home you would be waiting in your bed spread eagled waiting for a belly rub. Smart , so smart, so wise. Everyone feel in love with you. At the park my friends would want a kiss from you. You would turn your head the other way. That was my Apollo.
There was so much joy through the years. One of the best trips was to Carmel , Ca. You made us laugh so hard. We tried to take you and Karma to dinner with us. The two of you tried to jump on the table to eat our food. You did not want any dog food. You had so many manly outfits, for the winter, a rain coat, Halloween. You even flow with us to Columbus, Ohio to see my brother, not a pip out of you in the plane. Everyone loved you and when you were young so handsome, don't even ask how many people wanted to breed their dogs with you.
Then in 2008, it all changed. That night in the ER, I rushed you to the emergency because you face swelled up and you could not breath, maybe it was a bee sting, I don't know. After the vets pumped you up with the meds, your little belly turned black, had these horrible blotches all over it, hives, skin problems. then you started losing a little hair. I started to go to a holistic doctor and did acupuncture and for awhile it got better.
I always prayed you would never get Cushing's. And then that fatal day the test confirming you have CUSHINGS. I just kept praying it was just a dream. But that was not to be. In 2010, I came to the Cushing Forum at the same time Addy and Zoe came. We tried to support each other , sister warriors with our little warriors. Things seemed okay for awhile. Every time we lost one, I cried but secretly I was glad it wasn't you. You had your ups and downs, so many test, so many blood test, so many medications, than you started getting weaker in 2011, the muscle wasting started, tried the water therapy, so many supplements, changing your diet. You were so strong and dignified through it all. Then the skin infections started, the calculus, the mange, your immune system was breaking down. I should have pursued the intestinal issues more. You so loved your fire engine red stroller. I took you out every day.
August 25,2012, I will never forget I knew something was not right, Doug and I went to the vet , with you and Karma. He held you in his arms, rocking you back and forth, saying you were one of a kind and how all the techs loved you. You were dying and he said take Apollo home comfort him and love him. Doug and I cried so hard, I thought my heart would burst. We took you to all the places we used to go to that weekend. Crying knowing this was the last time you would be there. You even tried to eat what you could. Little did I know you were saying goodbye to us. You stopped eating soon after that, could hardly stand. Forgive me, I kept trying to get medications down you , trying to fix you instead of helping you. You died 15 days later and for some reason the day before you died I went to different cemeteries , because Rene said prepare yourself so when the time comes you have all your plates in order. I took you and Mom to the one that had a beautiful little cemetery, garden and a little chapel, I sat down with you and just held you in my arms.
I took you to church that night, you let out this tiny scream, I wanted to go but stayed. A friend got to kiss you. That night I said if you want to go it was okay but I would be so heartbroken. The next day, I was so unsettled. Mom said come over. I came over to her house she held you for awhile, you strained your little head to me, yelling. I grabbed you as fast as I could , then you let out a sigh and died in my arms. Even in death you were dignified , beautiful.
The sorry comes and goes, and yes even after over a year it still hits me. When you have tried so hard to save your baby and felt so deep and been so consumed in this illness, it hits you so very very hard. We think if I do this or do that the disease will go away. But it doesn't. The hardest part is seeing them go through this and what it does to them. And there is nothing you can do.
At the end you are left with the memories the what ifs. But you are also left with the joys and the privilege you were given to have these fur balls in your life.
Apollo, you will always be in my heart and soul. And when the time comes we will be together once again.
love your Mom
Sonja

[MBK]

Dear Sonja,

What a wonderful remembrance of brave, little Apollo. Unfortunately, I truly understand your pain now. I lost my precious Alivia yesterday morning and my heart is breaking. She, too, was my first dog and I could not have loved her more. I hope Apollo and Snoopy will greet her at the Rainbow Bridge and they can run around together - without pain.

Take care.

[doxiesrock912]

Sonja,
How I'm crying as I read your beautiful words.
I dread this day when it's Daisy's time. This horrible disease affects too many. I don't understand why the vets haven't focused on a cure yet.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
I almost used a box of Kleenex on this post. Truly beautiful and my heart goes out to you. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

I love you Sister in Battle, dear first friend, your words touch my heart and soul and I know neither of us will ever be the same.

[molly muffin]

{{{Hugs}}}

Sharlene and molly muffin

[apollo6]

To all those who have been there for me. I will hold on till Apollo's 2nd anniversary Sept 9, 2014, and then I hope I have the courage to say good bye. I am so sadden by Terry's/ Corky's farewell but I so understand that we need to make room for the new ones on this forum which is a life saver for so many of us. For now I still need you all. It has not been easy for me. I love and support all of you. And am so grateful for you.
Hugs Sonja And Angel Apollo

[maria]

Beautiful tribute to a wonderful friend. It is not forever. God has a place in heaven for all his creatures. You will be together again. Till then, hold those warm memories. I have lost many being in rescue. It never gets easier but the pain will become less intense.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
We will miss you. God Bless you and your sweet Apollo. Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

Oh Sonja, I do understand what you are saying and and we want you around for as long as you want to be here or need to be here.

hugs and love
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[doxiesrock912]

Sonja,
please do check in with us once in awhile, ok?

HUGS

[addy]

Dearest Sister In Battle,

I lay down my sword beside yours. Please do not cry for Zoe. She is with Apollo now. She always had a crush on him you know. Especially in his hot red stroller, he was very tempting for her.:)

Darling First Friend, I reach both arms out to hold you close and tell you we will be ok. We will always share this journey and always have this bond with each other, love our pups together as we have done and will continue to do.

Carry on Sonja, in their names, Apollo and Zoe and all the others. I know you do and will.

I love you so and thank you so for always being there from the very beginning. It has been a long time Sonja but we found each other here and that was God's blessing indeed.

all my love, always
addy

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
IT time for us to be there for you. You have so often comforted many while going through Zoe's own struggles. Koko needs you as much as you need him.
Love always
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[apollo6]

It has been 1 year 6 months since you passed. Baby boy, I miss you so much. When you died I had to finish the house fire inventory, than move Mom all while I was mourning you. It was just to much.
When Zoe was still fighting, I felt she was fighting for us too. With our little Zoe gone, I just feel a little more lost.
Apollo I still miss you and cry about you a lot. What Cushing's did to you shock me to the core. The owners, fur parents on this site have such as bond for their fur balls , so I keep coming back to keep you in my heart and mind. How can you tell the rest of the world that you lost your best friend, child, soul mate. You understood me, loved me, supported me. It is still going to take awhile for me to breath. I miss hearing your paws on the kitchen floor, the jingle of your tag when you were in the house. Your morning stretches before Cushings, our bedtime snack of apples, you would stand on your hind legs, before Cushings, so many things, so many beautiful moments. Like Addy, what I would give to hold you and smell you one more time. This lose is so deep, I can't explain it.
Love your Mom
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

I love you, I hold you and Apollo close, I cry with you and laugh with you. Sonja, I know what Zoe meant to you. I knew the tie that held her battle to Apollo's. How could it not? Sonja, no one understands the loss of a Cush pup except another Cush pup parent. There are no words to explain it. Just an emptiness that cant be filled.

But wait, actually, it can be filled with the love we share for our little boy and girl, for the bond we have with each other and with Zoe and Apollo. Out of the emptiness, we can find love, friendship and caring for each other.

Let us hold each other close and smile through the sadness and remember, remember the good times, the laughter and joy we shared through even the worst of times.

love you so

addy

[molly muffin]

Sending you some big hugs Sonja.

You will get through this. It's just that it is all so bloody hard and emotionally exhausting.

hugs,
Sharlene and molly muffin

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Your love for sweet Apollo has no bounds. You have loved him with every fiber of your being. That is how I am with Tipper, so it is not hard for me to imagine your heartache is still very much with you as if this happened yesterday. I totally understand where you are coming from, and feel the pain in your posts. I wish I could help ease the heartache you feel. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

The most beautiful card, dearest Sonja, the most beautiful card I have ever seen.

Thank you, dearest first friend, my sister in battle, my sister now always, forever.

love,
addy

[apollo6]

Will post later. Weekend,Saturday was tough, missing our Saturday whip cream days. Missing reading about Zoe. But Apollo and Zoe are now free of pain and are running happily together.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[apollo6]

Missing you my sweet boy. I can not believe it has been 1 year, 7 months. I kept going over the what if's , maybe I should have let you go sooner. But I wanted you as long as I could have you. I think about you ever day. I would have done anything to save you. You fought so hard. I miss you so much. I keep coming back to the forum to keep you alive. You are always in my heart and soul. Mom's little angel.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[addy]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) )))))

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
It breaks my heart to read your posts. I really and truly know how you are feeling. God Bless you and Apollo.
Patti

[molly muffin]

Sonja,

Sending you big hugs and thinking of you and Apollo.

love
Sharlene and molly muffin

[apollo6]

Dear Addy,Sharlene,Tipper's mom,Valerie and all the others who keep fighting and supporting all of us, thank you.
having an Apollo day-you were my best friend,confident,comfort, joy,in good times and bad. When you were there I felt safe,secure,protected. You licked my tears when I was down, demanded belly rubs when I was in a good place, would sit on your hind legs for treats(not a good thing for the doxie back)
I will always miss you Angel. Some days are good some are not. Because I never had children,you were my baby,my family.
Love your Mom
Sonja

[molly muffin]

Sonja,

Sending you hugs and love and molly sends kisses (licks)
Some days will always be worse than other days and when those happen, we are Always here for you.

love and hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Thinking of you and you dear, sweet Apollo. You have had a long, hard journey. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Like Marlene about Buddy boy, Karma our other doxie,just turned 15 and is my connection to Apollo. They grew up together. 15 is pushing it. I try not to worry about her getting up there in age. It is so hard not to. She is Arial's big sister. But I can see she is slowing down a little,still has a lot of spunk in her though. Try to enjoy the now's in your life. There were so many with my Angel Apollo. And like Addy would often say"put Cushing's in the drawer once in awhile" so you can enjoy the happy moments,because despite how bad it gets, every once in awhile there will be moments of joy,love. You don't want to miss out on them. We talked about Apollo with love and saddens at Easter.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
It must have been a bitter sweet Easter for you. You put so much of your heart and soul into Apollo that it has left a hole in your heart that may never be filled. Apollo was your once in a life time dog, and I can tell from your writing about him the love you had for that baby. He was fortunate to have such a caring, and soulful mom who loved him with every fiber of her being. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Dear Patti
thank you for your comforting post, not just to me but to so many.
My sweet Apollo , your Mom is really struggling with guilt and missing you. I feel , I let you down. Mom and I talked how we missed your sweet, gentle disposition and seeing your big beautiful eyes, holding you. You loved being under Daddy's pullover and being warm.
Maybe because this week I threw a few of your things, shampoos, etc. away. All I could do was cry and scream why! And in less than 3 months it will be 2 years that you left. I said I would sign off the forum than or on your 15th birthday. I still have so much pain my little angel.
your Mom Sonja

[addy]

I think it goes with the Cushings territory, the pain and the guilt, the guilt comes because they fought so hard and we fought so hard for them we feel it is our failure, even though logically we know we did not, we still feel we failed them somehow.

The pain is just there forever I think because of the bond and our love. How could it ever go away?

Oh Sonja, sometimes I feel like coming here to the forum makes it even more painful for me and then sometimes it is Zoe's home, her legacy and I have to come here. Your heart will guide you to do what is best for you but please know there is no time limit on our family. There is no expiration date on our love and support for each other.

Big hugs

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
I think so many on here are dealing with grief in a multitude of ways. I like you am so deeply attached to my Tipper that part of me will die if anything happens to her. It is a much deeper connection than any human one I have ever had. When you post about Apollo many of the things you say, I can see myself feeling if my Tipper were not here. Tipper is part of my soul, and my very existence has been because of her deep love and loyalty. When you post I am able to feel what you are going thru, and understand how very difficult this has made your life. Because of that I pray for you to have the strength to go forward. Apollo was very fortunate to have you love him so much. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Dear Patti
thank you for checking in.
Apollo, there is always going to be a hole in my soul and heart where you are. I miss you every day. Sometimes when I go for a walk with Arial, I see you in your fire engine red stroller and think how you loved to smell the air. You could hardly stand. I keep thinking about you , how much you went through. It is almost 2 years and I miss you baby. You had such a sweet personality, so independent, friendly, strong, courage, loving. I struggle so much with guilt. I keep coming back here to keep you close to me. I have not been able to help others, which I thought I could do.
So much on my plate: dealing with Mom's health issues, Doug know has heart disease, the business is failing, and we need to take action. Baby you always kept me centered.
Arial is sweet, loving but not strong like you, a lot of fears being a rescue. But you keep me trying to help him overcome the anxiety, and fears. I ask you often to look over your little brother. You were one month short of 14 when you died in my arms. I am luckier than most. But it still hurts.
Hugs your Mom.

[molly muffin]

Sending you hugs and strength to get through all the things that are going on in your life. Apollo might have centered you, but you are strong and you got him through many a tough time. Just remember inner strength shows up in many ways and you have more than you know.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
As always thinking of you and your sweet boy Apollo. I hope you are able to get out in the warm weather and enjoy some of summer. My heart truly knows how you feel. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

Sonja I am sick with worry about you. Kathy told us about the fires.

Please let me know you are ok

[apollo6]

Thank you for your love and concern.
So far the fires are not near us. But we have over 9 fires throughout the San Diego county. Only one has been contended.

Thinking about my Apollo. Miss you every day. I don't cry as much but the loss is always there. I try to look at how lucky I was to have you for almost 14 beautiful years. I was so blessed to have you pass in my arms naturally. God made the choose to take you because I couldn't. You made sure I was holding you when you breathed your last breath. Now I am crying. You blessed my life in so many ways.

It is so hard to accept that we only have you on loan for a short time and that time is so precious. You enrich , change , our lives in so many ways. To all the cushing babies who have left us. We love and miss you every day.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Thinking of you and so glad to hear that those fires are not near where you are. I think of you and your sweet Apollo nearly every day. You love and devotion to this wonderful soul is so apparent in everything you post. I can only pray that it gets easier each day for you to go on. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

whewwww- I am so glad you are ok.

We all understand, dear Sonja or will understand.

Love you very much

[apollo6]

My Angel,think about you every day. I talk about you a lot. Like Addy I sometimes relive your last month,knowing you were dying and that you would not get better,yet desperate to do anything to save you. I prayed every day for you that last month hoping for a miracle. That was not to be. I just start crying when I think of everything you had to endure. It is coming up to your two year anniversary. I will always miss you,have you in my heart. I thought I could help others, but it is still so painful. Yesterday someone I knew from years ago asked me if Arial was you, I told you died in my arms almost two years ago. I was lucky to be with you at the end and made sure you would not be alone. You tried so hard for me and like Zoe you tried to enjoy life even with all the things cushing robbed you of,until the last two weeks. I don't think I will ever overcome the guilt. I love you so much. But I was blessed with almost 14 years with you. They say we have you on loan for such a short time. That times flys by so fast.
Always in my heart,love your Mom
Sonja

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
As always such beautiful things you write about your sweet Apollo. I know your heart is still heavy with grief. I feel your pain when I read your posts. Your Apollo was a very special, and very much loved baby. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

Hi Sonja,

I hope you get to have a nice weekend and not worry about fires. It is so sweet you think of Zoe when you see a Lhasa. I always think of Apollo and you sharing your whipped cream and picture him in his hot wheels - his red stroller. I always wanted to get Zoe one. I think my favorite memory is when you would sneak Apollo into church. I loved that.:):):):)

I took a squeaky ball to work for Lucy Goose (medium dog out of small, medium and large). She was so excited. Then she lost it for awhile. Today she found it and ran into my office squeaking away.
I told my boss "that is the sound of a happy dog" and it totally made my day. I think he thinks I'm nuts because if the dogs are happy then I am happy and smiling too.

Love you
Addy

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
If the dog is happy,any dog I smile and feel happy also.
Had a nice time overlooking La jolla, at the ocean. Thought about my sweet Apollo and how often we would go and he would be happy just to smell the ocean and just be in the now with his Mom and grand dog mom.
Arial is so different,he barks at everyone and I am still struggling to socialize him with dogs and people. So anxious and restless.
Apollo truly was special,just like Zoe. Miss him everyday.
Sonja

[goldengirl88]

Hi Sonja:
I have been to La Jolla it is beautiful. I an sure your Apollo had a wonderful time anywhere you took him as long as he was with you. I hope you are doing well this summer. Blessings
Patti

[doxiesrock912]

Sonja, that is my concern too - when it is time to add another furball to the family...will they have Daisy's good traits? I sure hope so. She was an extremely accepting little doxie.

[addy]

Funny how things work out, Sonja. While I contemplated my dog, before adopting Zoe, I wanted a sweet lap dog that would follow me around sit on my lap and that I could take anywhere. Zoe came into my life and she was not that dog. She barked at people, tried to bite a few, including me; but we had Zoe Day every Sunday and took her everywhere we could. I worked really hard with her and piles of chicken and a clicker to boot. But she was sassy and funny,smart as can be, loved to learn new things and play with me and make me laugh.

Koko is the polar opposite of Zoe. True be told, more of the dog I had envisioned before Zoe. But it is not the same, having experienced Zoe- those original qualities I thought I wanted are good but I miss hers so much.

The point of my rambling on to you is that Ariel will never have those qualities of Apollo, held so dear nor will Koko have Zoe's. But, that is ok because it is what made them both so special to us. They were one of a kind, each of them. I think it is ok we miss those traits and personalities. It is part of the bond.

I wonder if Ariel needs some confidence boosting. Have you tried clickers? Freeshaping behavior with a clicker may be helpful and you will both have fun. Worked wonders for Zoe:):):):)

love you very much dear friend.

[goldengirl88]

Hi Sonja:
Hope you are having a good day. We had a tornado 7 miles away and really bad weather all note and this morning. Thank you for the link to the cooling blanket I am going to get Tipper one. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

On the lighter side. I have tried to socialize Arial more. Apollo was just so easy going and always wagging his tail to meet new dogs. I took Arial to Petco, lots of dogs,lots of people. I saw an older lady trying to figure how to put a harness on her dog. I offered to help. Here we both are on the floor trying to figure which is front and back on the harness,trying to put it on the dog. Arial just sat there confused wanting to see the kittens up for adaption,her dog looked at us like we were nuts and would have no part in us putting on the harness. We both kept staring at what snap to open, both have arthritis in our hands. I said seniors should be helping seniors to figure out all the new fancy gadgets out there,finally got it on,both of us were so exhausting afterwords. I thought what a YouTube video- two little senior ladies can't even figure out to put on a harness. Then to top it off Arial started his fire engine howling ( when he gets anxious)
Hope you are safe from the Tornados,Patti.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Well, you and Arial are certainly haven't adventures. :)
Just keep taking him places like that with people and dogs and hopefully he'll eventually become use to it.

Thinking of you!
Sharlene and molly muffin

[mcdavis]

As Sharlene says just keep taking Arial places and giving him treats.

We went to La Jolla (drove from NYC!) and I told someone we were there, pronouncing it as it was spelt :o They very kindly corrected me!

I suppose we shouldn't be surprised that every dog is such an individual - I have the same breed (different nationality ;) ) and it's like chalk and cheese. I just keep telling myself - they say "you get the dog you need, not the dog you want".

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Thank you for the blanket information I ordered one for Tipper for in the closet as it is so hot in there. I think you are right about the dogs you get the one you need. I think Arial will do well the more places you take him to. I used to take Tipper to the mall back home and walk around it for exercise and she got to meet lots of nice people wanting to pet her, as JRT's can be quite guarded with people. She has never forgotten it and does well with people, unless she does not know them and they are coming in the house, then she is on guard and watches their every move letting you know she will go after them in a moments notice. I have to watch her or put her behind a gate in that situation. She does not like stranger in her house! Hope you and Arial have a good day. Blessings
patti

[apollo6]

Will post and thank you all tomorrow. Starting crying thinking about Apollo yesterday after church. He was known as the church dog, I snuck him in every week, and he started getting a following of people looking forward to him being there. We did like breaking the roles.
Sonja and Apollo

[doxiesrock912]

He was probably more polite and quieter than many humans are during church.
Hugs.

[MBK]

Sonja,

I so agree with what Addy has said. Alivia was my heart dog and loved everyone. She was easy to take anywhere. Maxwell was more protective (of Ali, I now think) and a completely different and more difficult personality. I never thought he was mean, although he could come off seeming to be. I think, like Ariel, he would become anxious. But, he has so much personality that I would not change a thing about him. I miss my Ali every second of every day, but my Maxwell has the biggest most loving heart. He is actually happy go lucky now and smiles a lot. Like people, they are each individual. None can replace another and we love each of them in their own way.

I am having a visual of both of you struggling with that harness!! I bet it was funny to see! ;)

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
We are getting ready for a storm so Tipper will get to try out her cooling blanket as it came already. I don't know if I will medicate her or not so I will be on weather alert for a while. Hope you and Ariel are having a good day today. I know you still hurt so badly inside, I wish I could make it all better. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

t
hey say "you get the dog you need, not the dog you want".

I love that sentence, I really do. It is exactly so true.

Sonja, you sneaking Apollo in to church is one of my fondest memories.

Keeping trying with Ariel, pump the treats and take him everywhere. He will come around. It is repetition for them. Heck, Koko is now walking past the two huge dogs barking at him down the street without needing to eat a milk bone!!!

[apollo6]

Thank you all,Valerie,Patti,Addy,Mary Beth,Sharlene and all of you.
I realize and accept,I will always miss my Apollo. I have so much wisdom to share as does Addy,but have not been able to do so. It brings up so much pain. What I can say is never give up hope,faith, and fight as long as you can. Reach out to one another, know you are not alone in this. I am still angry that there as not been more research and new cures for Cushing's. Disease. And some May get mad at me for saying this. I do not believe dogs are born with Cushing's,but feel there are other factors that contribute to it. I was blessed to have my Apollo, one month short of 14 years old. Even during the illness as he he gradually got weaker, we did enjoy his water therapy,which he loved (or was it the treats),the acupuncture,the massages, and riding in his red stroller when the muscle wasting started. And somehow, we both adapted to it all,until his little body could no longer take it. I feel when the dermatologist had me but Apollo on Ivermectin,then off after he was throwing up then on Advantage Plus double the dosage for the mites, the Meds attacked his little body and additional antibiotics plus changing his dosage of Trilostane always was to much for his little body. Now I am crying again. I would do it all over again,that is how strong our bound is.
I think ,Patti,you had a question about milk thistle,if I recall it is for the liver and I did give it to Apollo.
Arial is not independent like Apollo. I did not what another Apollo,he was the one and only,just like Zoe. Hope they are dating in heaven.Apollo always was a ladies man. Arial wants lots of belly rubs, and just loves his neck being kissed. I have been able to teach him a few tricks. He has a lot of energy and at night when I am tired he wants me to throw his toys. But he wants to play with Apollo's old toys? Not the new ones I bought him. He destroys the squeezes but loves the sound. He still starts whining and almost howling for no reason,like an anxiety attack. Still trying to figure that one out.
He has been such an Angel in helping me cope. I can not believe it will be two years September since my boy has passed.
Love you all.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Every time I read your posts it tears me up inside, as I am like you in many ways and Tipper is my everything. I can imagine your pain and anguish as if I am going thru it myself. I can relate to what you write as I know it would be me saying these very same things if it were my Tipper. I pray every nite for God to take this awful disease away from the earth and to heal all the babies that are afflicted with it. I got Tipper because my last dog died of cancer. I wanted a healthy breed that lived long. Tipper was the epitome of health until this came along. Her breed lives to 17 years. I feel so cheated and she is my once in a lifetime dog. I don't know how I would ever make it thru something happening to her. She has been with me since I got sick with Lupus, and has been by my side faithfully ever since thru the good and the bad. I owe her more than she could ever give me. When I say I truly know how you feel I mean it from my heart. I hope you can have some glimmer of a good life with Ariel. He will never replace Apollo, but her needs you too. In the years to come he will help you more than you know. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

Sonja, last word I heard was Apollo and Zoe were thinking of moving in together:):)

Oh that made me smile, dear friend. Thank you.

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
That was so cute!

[apollo6]

Well it is about time those two angels made a move on each other. I know how prime and proper Zoe is. Apollo is just so in love with her. I give them permission,do you Addy!:D
Hugs always Sonja and Angel Apollo
Patti, love Tipper as much as you can. Each day is a blessing with these babies. Enjoy the moments. Despite this awful disease there is love and flitting moments of joy. As Addy would say but the Cushing's in the drawer for a day and breath.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Every day with her is a gift as far as I am concerned. I try to makes something special each day for her. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Sweet Apollo
Today is July 4th, you always wore your USA red cap and scarf. It made people smile. Love you with all my heart.
Feel gun shy about taking Arial next week for a check up. After everything you endured it is hard for me to trust the vet. Watch over your little brother. Missing you every day.
Love your Mommy

[addy]

Mary Beth and I both had that same feeling about taking Maxwell and Koko in for their annual. I think we got so used to vets giving us bad news it is hard to imagine going to a vet and have it be positive.

We will all go with you!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

The other morning, a hummingbird was at my front yard flowers. I happened to look out the window and saw it feeding. :D Without even thinking about it I said "Hi Apollo". Everytime I see a hummingbird, which is not often, I think of Apollo and of you. I think Apollo was telling me Zoe is fine.:):):):):):):):):)

[apollo6]

You are right Addy. Apollo is watching out for Zoe. Go for check up with Arial tomorrow. I feel like my little warrior ,Apollo will be watching over his little brother Arial.
Think you about the humming birds. It is my connection to Apollo.
He also loved to listen to music boxes. Played his favorite Angel music box and felt shivers down my hand holding it. Maybe a sign from my little boy. Be open to it.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.
Lately my friends and I have been saying his name a lot.
Miss my boy.

[apollo6]

My dear sweet Apollo,always on my mind. Struggling with when to sign off ,maybe by your anniversary Sept 9, 2012. I have found so much love and comfort here from all of you. I stayed for Zoe and Addy so many friends have come,gone,died in the years I have been here. Many newbies have been added that I can not keep up. I have a few months to decide. It is getting time for me to make room for others.
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

awww sweetie, do what you think is best for you. Follow your heart.

[molly muffin]

There is always plenty of room here Sonja. You know we care about you. Addy is right though, you do what is best for You! We'll love you no matter where or where.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[labblab]

Oh Sonja, whatever you decide -- we are here for you. You know, it never has to be all or nothing :o. We have family members who check in maybe once a year, but that doesn't change our bond or the experiences we've shared. Whatever feels best to you will be best for us, too. But please know you never have to say goodby even if your life's path takes a new direction. We will always still be here should you wish to stop by, even if only once in a great while, for a chat and a hug and the sharing of both memories and new experiences. You and Apollo will never be forgotten, no what you decide nor how often we see you!

Marianne

[apollo6]

Addy,Molly,Marianne thank you for your love and support.
Mom and I were able to talk about our Apollo with love and smiles the other day.
I think Apollo may ask Zoe to marry him with Addy's and my Permission in heaven. What do you think Addy? It is about time he settled down. He was such a lady's men/dog. The girls just loved him. So wise so beautiful.
Arial is my crazy boy,very needy,very insecure. Who knows what happened to the little guy? Like you said Addy there was only one Zoe and Apoolo,our brave little warriors fighting with their mom warriors. We have so many brave parents and furballs to be proud of.
Hugs Sonja and Apollo
TWO DOGS DINING - YouTube
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVwlMVYqMu4

[addy]

Oh I can see it now, so many pups at the wedding:D:D:D:D:D:D
I think Apollo and Zoe will be very happy indeed!!!

Oh Sonja, I know it still hurts but I hope there are more smiles now. How is your mom? I'm glad the two of you can share good memories.

[apollo6]

My sweet dear Angel,little man.
Mommy misses you every day. I was so honored and blessed to have you in my life for 1 month short of 14 years old. You were the first dog I have ever had. The one and only,the wise beyond your years,full of love,loyalty,companionship,support,understanding,j oy.You opened me up to loving dogs,animals more. You enriched my life in more ways then you could know.
I would take care of you all over again. I have no regrets for taking care of you. During your struggle with Cushings, you tried so hard to stay with me. I still feel so much guilt,like what did I do wrong,how could I have done more. you lived with Cushings for almost 3-4.years. I took you home to die. Even at the end you honored me by waiting for me to hold you and dying in my arms. It is so true, we only have these little angels on loan from God for such a short time. It never is enough time.
Your little brother,Arial needs your love and guidance,so different from you,scared,unsure,afraid. It is slowly getting better.
Mommy,s little Angel,always in my heart,always in my soul.
Sonja

[addy]

Always in our hearts too, dear friend.

[molly muffin]

Sending you out some big hugs Sonja!

Sharlene and molly muffin

[apollo6]

"I do not believe for one second that God placed such creatures as our dogs on earth as 'throwaway' creatures that simply cease to exist when they fulfill their purpose and then die.
All of creation is part of God's divine plan There was a kid's movie a few years back that proclaimed." All Dogs Go to Heaven. I have no doubt." Father John Dresko.
"until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened." anonymous.
Grieving the death of a family pet is like driving home through a snowstorm. You don't want to make the trip. You don't know how long it will last. You don't know what roads are open to you. You need a map that tells you what direction to take, what dangers lay ahead, and where you can stop if you need help along the way. Know the loss is justified, painful. That is why we comfort each other not just when dealing with Cushing but also afterwards. I have been pleased with much love and support in dealing with Apollo's death, even after almost two years.
My sweet Apollo
Sonja

[scoora]

Oh Sonja,
Thinking of you and Apollo.
Lots of loving hugs to you.

[addy]

Oh Sonja, that is beautiful and so true.

[apollo6]

My sweet Angel. I miss you so much. The tears are just coming down like a waterfall. Like Leslie said Robin Williams death is stirring up how lost I have been without you.
Do not judge people who have depression. It is like a dark bottomless pit, and you can not see a way out. My Apollo was always there for me,to get me through the tough times.
I love Arial but it is different. In three weeks it will be two years since you passed. Every time I read we lost another the pain is there.
My sweet little boy,always in my heart always on my mind. Try to hold onto the good times. They are there even in the mist of the struggle. My little boy got to still enjoy life when he could no longer walk,in his fire engine red stroller. I am grateful for that. Rest in peace my Angel
Your mom Sonja

[addy]

I saw your green light on:):):):) We usually are not here at the same time, dearest friend.

I am worried about you as the pages fly off the calendar and the time nears September.

Sonja, this is your safe place where we all know you and understand what you have gone through and continue to go through. You don't have to leave, there is not time limit.

If it helps, come talk to us on Everything Else and give your little Ariel a thread. You can maintain the bond. I know it is not the same but it does help the healing process for some of us.

I just want you to know it does not have to be all or nothing. You can leave everything as it is too.

love you and think about you all the time.

Zoe and Apollo are happy- too bad we cant have grand children:):):)
Zoe is fixed!!!;)

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((((Hugs))))))))

[molly muffin]

Sonja, I don't think I could say anything better than Addy already did.

Depression is a horrible illness, it knows no rational thought when one is mired in it's bottomless pit.

Please know we care for you.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[Budsters Mom]

We want above all else what works best for you.:p Selfishly, we don't want you to go.:o We want you to stay here with us where we can continue to support each other. Think about it, okay? xxxxx

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your kind words. I will post later. You have been there for me so often.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
P.s.Addy-on the lighter side,Apollo was fixed also. What beautiful babies Zoe and Apollo could have had ,a new designer breed:)

[addy]

Sonja- maybe Zoe and Apollo can adopt:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Sonja,

Several of us have traveled this road together for several years and now we find ourselves united in grief and pain. We were so very lucky to be moms to such wonderful, strong babies. They healed so many of our wounds with their love and devotion, kept us strong, gave us purpose. It's so hard to have to rely on memories now when what we want most is to hold our babies one more time. I try to often remind myself how blessed I was to have Squirt in my life for so long. We love our other babies, no question about it, but they cannot replace what we have lost, just as none will replace them. We will all survive this staggering pain, together, just as we survived this disease together.

Many hugs,
Leslie

[apollo6]

Thank you all,Leslie,addy,Molly,etc,Budsters mom
Seeing humans at
http://www.youtube.com/embed/kLMbePMdNOY
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Budsters Mom]

Very special.....Restores your faith in humanity. :p
Hugs,Kathy

[MBK]

Beautiful video, Sonja.

As Leslie said, so many of us are united here in a way none of us ever wanted to be. I should be celebrating Max's birthday today, but it's been a hard day. I guess because it is his first birthday without Alivia and the tears just keep coming.

It is good to have a place where people understand.

[apollo6]

WILL POST soon. It is coming up to two years since Apollo died. I miss him so much. I have not looked at his video lately, because all I do is cry. But I was able to talk about him at dinner with love and happiness for the memories. But I still would take him back in a heart beat. Mommy loves you , my sweet Apollo.
Sonja

[apollo6]

My Angel, don't know why. But today is one of the tough days for me. Maybe because your anniversary is coming up in a week. Two years and I still miss you and will always have you in my heart.
I still am in shock what this horrible disease did to you. Remembering when the vet said August 25, 2012 take Apollo home he is dying. Sept 9th, 2013. But I was blessed to have you 1 month short of 14, and you made sure I was holding you when you let out your last breath. I miss the sound of your paws on the kitchen floor, pulling the covers off me in the morning , our bedtime snack routine to name a few.
I found this beautiful saying which is for you and our sweet Zoe and yes for Koko and little Ariel:
"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gives me a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are." anonymous.
On the lighter side, I think I am becoming a dog, just last week I ate Ariel's anxiety pill and I put his food in my salad:eek:
Something to make you laugh" How to Handle Stress Like Dog If you can't eat it or play with it, Then pee on it and walk away.
My best friend Wags so I know he or she is happy, Barks to protect me, Watches for my return Loves me unconditionally.
love your Mom
Sonja

[addy]

Oh Sonja, I love the saying about our hearts, thank you so much for sharing it. And the lighter sides are perfects saying too.:):):)

I will be here each day for you. I know this next week will be so hard.

love you

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs on steroids)))))))))))))))))))))

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Sonja,

Thanks for the giggle. Becoming a dog wouldn't be the worst thing. ;)

I love the quote about your heart turning into a dog's. If you are not going to use it, I'd like to steal it for my signature.

These anniversaries cut to our very core. We remain here for you always. xxxoooo

On the lighter side, I think I am becoming a dog, just last week I ate Ariel's anxiety pill and I put his food in my salad:eek:

[molly muffin]

Sonja! That is beautiful sentiment. I like it, our hearts fill with dogs hearts.

Got a good giggle out of the other sayings too.

sending you big hugs! We are here

Sharlene and molly muffin

[addy]

Happy Saturday Sonja,

I just wanted you to know I am here to give you a quick hug and let you know I am thinking of you. I know the net few days are hard but I try to remember all the good things you would tell us about Apollo.

I rather picture Apollo and Zoe running around heaven,sometimes in some sort of red vehicle with the wind tickling their faces, noses straight into that wind. They both look good in red:):):):)

love you

[Budsters Mom]

My wonderful new signature came from Sonja. I stole it with her blessing. Thanks again Sonja. :p xxxx

[addy]

Thinking of you, Sonja

[molly muffin]

and sending you big hugs from Etobicoke too!!

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[apollo6]

Thank you all. Will post soon. Don't know why I am crying again. Every month I make a calendar with a picture of Apollo. Next week it will be two years. I still can not get myself to throw Apollo's things away. It will have to be baby steps.
I have at least bought a new bed for Arial, some toys(but he keeps playing with one of Apollo's old toys?) He has a few new sweaters also.
Today I grossed myself out,picking up the pop:eek:part got on my finger and I did not know and smeared it on the side of my face::eek::eek:. Got the sanitizer out as fast as I could!!!
Love and thanks Sonja
Apollo always in my heart.

[Budsters Mom]

(((((hugs))))))

[Dixie'sMom]

Sonja, I read Apollo's story last nite (most of it) and just wanted to say that he sounds like a wonderful little guy. I'm so sorry for your loss. I was interested to hear about the Meloxicam being involved. I have a friend who lost her pom a few months ago due to a Meloxicam overdose resulting in irreversible kidney failure. The vet prescribed 3x the recommended amount. I guess it was accidental on his part or whatever reference he was using was not accurate. I wonder if this is one of the medications like the Vetoryl that low dosing should be implemented in spite of the recommendations. Sharing this with you probably doesn't help your broken heart at all, but hopefully spreading the word will save another dog somewhere, someday. Thank you so much for hanging around to help others despite the painful memories it must cause you. I hope another doxie is in your near future. There are so many dogs out there without homes who need someone like you.

[apollo6]

In memory of my Apollo
September 9,2014
September 9,2012, the day I lost a part of myself, my heart, my soul.
Daddy gave you to me on Christmas 1998, you were born October 12,1998.
Little did I know the joy, love, companionship, support, and laughter you would enrich my life with. We never had children. So I guess you were my little boy. I loved you so much. Went overboard with beds, toys, treats, and clothes for you.
My world started to unravel on May 2010, when you were diagnosed with Cushing's disease. In my heart I felt what happened to you in the emergency ward in February, the drugs, etc. caused it. I was so desperate to save you.
You fought long and hard. We both adapted to the changes and limitations. I was blessed to take care of you until the end. August 25, 2012, the vet said you were dying and to take you home to die.
You made sure I was holding you when you let out your last breath. I still struggle with the guilt how the skin infection spread and kept picking on it obsessed with getting it out of you. Forgive me I was so mad at times that you would no longer eat, because I did not want to accept that you were dying. I tried everything hoping for a miracle. But there were no miracles.
You were so beautiful right up to the end. One month short of 14 years old. It wasn't enough time. But I know I was more fortunate than others. Mommy's little angel. Apollo
Always in my heart ,always in my soul.
When it is my time, I want my ashes spread with yours so we can be together again. My little Angel
I am lighting a candle for you today.



MY APOLLO

There's something missing in my home,
I feel it day and night, I know it will take time and strength before things feel quite right.
But just for now, I need to mourn, My heart -- it needs to mend.
Though some may say, "It's just a pet," I know I've lost a friend.
You've brought such laughter to my home, and richness to my days.
A constant friend through joy or loss with gentle, loving ways.
Companion, friend, and confidante, A friend I won't forget.You'll live forever in my heart, My sweet, APOLLO.


in memory of my Apollo




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7klMKpJz4iM

[Dixie'sMom]

What a beautiful tribute and video of your precious boy. Apollo's spirit lives on and one day you will be reunited. I have also lit a candle for your beautiful boy. Sending you hugs and prayers for comfort.

[addy]

Just beautiful Sonja. I wish I could hug you in person.

[molly muffin]

Hugs Sonja

Sharlene and Molly muffin

[apollo6]

Just dropping by to say Hi. Next month will be Apollo's birthday. Another tough one for me. Miss my boy.
Ariel helps a lot. He is my little clown, Apollo was my warrior.
Sonja

[doxiesrock912]

That was beautiful Sonja. I am now crying too. Hugs
They're always with us in a special place in our hearts. I also have 4 legged children.

[Budsters Mom]

I'm so glad to see you Sonja. :)

Yes, those occasions cut to our very core. I am so glad you have Arial, just as I have Rosie. Our sweet boys will always be irreplaceable, but having another fur baby around does help us heal.

I think of you often. xxxxoooo

[jas77450]

I am new here, read about Apollo, my heart goes out to you, he looks like such a sweetheart!!!

[apollo6]

My sweet angel. For some reason I am on the forum today. I just got the chills. I am crying again two years since you passed and the pain creeps up unexpectally. I come here to talk to you because family doesn't understand how deeply I loved you. The love of my life.
Sonja

[KennyJ]

Just saw the video, now I am crying.

[My sweet Ginger]

I am too. Hugs, Song.

[bgdavis]

Sonja,

Sorry I missed the anniversary of Apollo's passing. I remember him well. Beautiful video. I can't believe Crissy's been gone over 5 years.

Bonnie and Angel Criss Ann

[Squirt's Mom]

Many, many hugs, dear Sonja.

[Silliam]

Thinking of you so much, even tho I was not around for Apollo's battle I totally understand what you're saying about no family understanding just how close you were.
Sending god vibes your way even if it sounds cheesey

[addy]

Dearest Sister in Battle,

I know the heartache and tears that come from nowhere, just appear as we experience the terrible loss over again and a again. It is okay, Sonja, to love, remember and cry. I know you also have beautiful memories that make you smile. I hope the humming birds visit as you love and remember our Apollo, your proud, regal boy whom we all grew to love as we walked along with you these last years.

Now, do me one favor, amid the tears - picture Apollo and Zoe running free and happy, playing away with each other, not a care in the world, just hanging out together, planning their next rendezvous. I do know Zoe ate too much cake at Buddy's last party even though Apollo tried to rein her in. I also heard that Buddy and Alivia may soon be an item and move in with Apollo and Zoe.

Take my hand, shut your eyes and picture our pups with me. Forever they will be with us and forever we will all be together, holding the memories close to our hearts.

Love you, dearest, sweet Sonja.

[apollo6]

On the brighter side below is the Dachshund creed which was Apollo all the way, for all you dachie lovers.

THE DACHSHUND CREED
1. If it's in my mouth, it's mine!
2. If I like it, it's mine!
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine!
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine!
5. If it's mine it must never appear to be yours in any way!
6. If I am chewing something up, all the pieces are mine!
7. If I saw it first, it's mine!
8. If you are playing with something first and put it down, it automatically becomes mine!
9. If it's in the same house as I am it's mine!
10. If it's broken it's yours!

Sunday will be Apollo's birthday, will light a candle for my boy.
Sonja, Apollo and Ariel

[Dixie'sMom]

Oh wow... the Doxie creed. Dixie is my first full blooded dachshund and I wish I would have seen this earlier. She has educated me quite a bit with regard to who exactly is the boss of the house! And no one warned me that they are hoarders! She hoards all the toys, the chewies, the blankets, my bedroom shoes and all go into her private cave under my bed. haha!

I know you miss Apollo and I know what that pain feels like. The lightning bolts of pain get less frequent but darn they sure hurt just as bad when they hit. Hugs to you and I will also light a candle for your sweet boy Sunday.

[doxiesrock912]

I'm going to make one change to the Doxie creed - LOL
If it's broken, I didn't do it.

Daisy all the way!

[addy]

Thinking of you today. I am positive Apollo and Zoe are having a huge bash with all the K9C pups.

[apollo6]

Thank you all. Today is your birthday, Mommy's little angel. I light a candle in honor of your beautiful life. I don't come to the forum that much anymore.
I went to see an animal communicator about the guilt I have about your illness and Ariel's anxiety. She said you were content with your life and happy about it. You accepted that you were dying and started preparing your soul for passing. I was frantic trying to save your body. There was so much love and a strong bond between us. When you died, in my arms you had a peaceful and joyful pacing seeing the light and being assisted to pass. Your soul is at peace and you want me to go on with my life and find happiness. You are aware of Ariel and said you don't want to help Ariel because you did your job,now it is Ariel's turn to help me. I laugh about that because you would say that. To know you were happy in your life with me and that you were at peace with your pacing in my arms is comforting. Like Addy said, about our sweet Zoe,it is time for me to be there more for Ariel, to encourage him, build up his confidence,trust ,over come is fears about the world.
Apollo,you were my teacher and now I need to be Ariel's teacher,to teach him how to be confident,proud,and how to play. Mommy' little Angel. Mommy loves Apollo
Sonja
P.s. I know Zoe,Woody,Squirt ,Buddy,Hamish,Mira,Tia,and so many others will be celebrating with you today.

[Budsters Mom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL APOLLO!

Forever missed. Forever loved, adored and cherished! :p

Tell Buddy hi for me. He'll be hanging around guarding your cake from thise sneaky lizards!

Bug hugs Sonja,

[molly muffin]

Happy Birthday Apollo.

You did a good job with your momma! She will be able to use all the lessons you taught her to help Arial now.

hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin

[apollo6]

thank you, just added Buddy to Apollo's birthday party. :p

[scoora]

Happy Birthday Apollo!

[apollo6]

Thank you Vickie, and all.
Two years since my sweet boy Apollo has past. He is always in my heart ,mind and soul. I was so blessed to have him in my life. Ever now in then I am got off guard with grief and allow the tears to come. We talk about Apollo often.
Like Addy, a lot going on,Mom ,83, had a bad fall two weeks ago, almost whole face was black,the recovery is slow,stll living alone and active.Thinking about how long she can live alone. We are taking steps to close our failing business,dealing with health issues with my husband.
It is our babies that keep us balanced,comfort us,bring us joy,in an insane world. Ariel has a lot of anxiety,working on that, but he does bring me joy and laughter.
Sonja,Apollo,and Ariel

[jas77450]

I can tell Apollo meant the world to you. Thinking of you and him today...Sending hugs.

[addy]

Sonja- look what I just found on line


http://www.homedepot.com/p/Home-Accents-Holiday-40-in-150-Light-Tinsel-Lighted-Dachshund-in-Soldier-Uniform-TY258-1414/204062106

it is perfect for you!!!!!

gobble, gobble, Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

[Squirt's Mom]

Sonja, I am so sorry to have missed all of this. I can only imagine what it must be like looking back 2 years. I know your sweet boy still loves you just as much, too, and is always watching over his mom, dad,and brother.

I so hope your mom is better! It's tough watching our parents become the child, our roles switching.

Hugs,
Leslie

[doxiesrock912]

Two years Sonja, time does fly but the memories and love will always be with you.
Happy Birthday Apollo!!

[apollo6]

Wishing you all a blessed and peaceful thanksgiving with your family and fur babies. Thank you all for your love and support.
Angel Apollo and Zoe thinking of you both,take care of each other,and to all the Cushing Angels.
Sonja

[molly muffin]

Happy Thanksgiving Sonja!

hugs

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your kind words and wishes. Love the dachshund Christmas statue, so like Apollo, Ariel is another story.
Sonja,Apollo and Ariel.
Hope you all had a nice thanksgiving

[apollo6]

Have not been on the site for awhile. I pray you have a blessed holiday session. Getting mature sucks. I lost my balance yesterday, hit Ariel's ramp,now my little toe is all brused. Dear Addy, the holidays change when you get older. When Apollo was alive, it was so much fun watching him open his present and every one's else's.
But the funds are no longer there to splurge,it is to expensive to see my brother and his family. I hardly write cards anymore. Like you, my Mom is 83,so I enjoy the time I still have with her.. She had a bad fall on her head last month and it has affected her short term memory. My husband has serious health issues and I worry. I don 't decorate much any more and no tree. And it is okay. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to and it is okay. I have lived through so many holidays and I am tired. I can not believe my little boy,Apollo has been gone over two years. Miss him every day. But I can talk about the loving memories.
May you all have a blessed holiday sessions. And may your furballs in heaven be playing and having fun. P.s. I think Apollo and Zoe are going to have a big celebration at their home in heaven.;)
Sonja,Apollo and Ariel

[Budsters Mom]

(((((((hugs)))))))

[jas77450]

Just wanted to say hi and send you and Apollo a BIG HUG!!!!

[apollo6]

Wishing you all a blessed Chirstmas and a better new year for your fur babies. Just can not get in the holiday spirit . It is different now. Thinking of those who are no longer here. Always in our thoughts.
Sonja and Apollo

[molly muffin]

Merry Christmas Sonja, Ariel and Angel Apollo.

hugs

[addy]

Dearest Sister in Battle

A New Year is coming soon; I hope Ariel and Koko continue to bring us happiness and joy. I think of your little guy quite often and am so glad you have him. I know it is different but that is ok.

It brings me much comfort and smiles to picture Apollo and Zoe taking care of each other along with our other dear pups. I think Apollo and Zoe were out cruising for a red stroller to fit two for the New Year!!! They both look so good in red!!!:):)

Hugs and love, sweet first friend.

Happy New Year!

[apollo6]

Haven't been on the site much. Miss my boy everyday. Hope all of you are doing well. Wish there would be a cure for this awful disease. Every month I make a calendar with a picture of Apollo on it. That is how much I love my boy. Ariel is a sweetheart, but being a rescue has it's challenges, whimpering, sometimes he screams for no reason. I try to comfort him and reassure him, take him for walks expose him to other dogs and people. He needs space, he gets overwhelmed if there are a lot of people and dogs around him. I should get him a shirt that says" I need my space, Don't invade it"
Apollo was so the opposite. He would expect everyone to come to him , the king, my regal little man.
Love you all. Thinking about
Addy, Zoe's one year is coming up soon. I can't believe it.

Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

Hi Sonja,

Your monthly calendar sounds like a beautiful way to stay close to Apollo. I still watch Zoe's videos. I love to hear her "talk". Koko is so quiet.

Time seems to fly by faster and faster. How is your Mom?

Ariel is a special boy and I am so glad he found his way to you.Koko too is so different from my outgoing, funny little girl. Perhaps it is better for both of us to have Ariel and Koko be so different.

Think of you often, dear sister.

Lots of love and good memories, sweet Sonja.

[ShibaMom]

Hi Sonja,

Have you ever thought of trying a Thundershirt for Ariel? It works wonders for some dogs, and doesn't do much for others, but may be worth a shot?
If it doesn't work, you can always return it (or donate to a rescue). It's really helped Zanya when she's been anxious.

http://www.thundershirt.com

Cheers,
Samantha

[addy]

I went to the doctor today and while waiting for my prescription, I stopped at the bakery. They had the most beautiful cream puffs. Now, I haven't had a cream puff in ages, I used to bake them myself. Well, I bought one and took it home to eat it. Sitting next to me was my Koko and boy was he eyeing up that puff! I thought of you and Apollo and how you shared the whipped cream on your Sonja's Super Sunday Special Coffee drink so I gave him a lick. His eyes got really big!

So we happily shared that cream puff with a toast to you and dearest Apollo and happy thoughts of Apollo and Zoe sharing their own for Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

[apollo6]

Dear Addy and Samantha,
Thank you for the Posts. I have the Thunder Shirt, Bach flower,Valerien Root to calm AriIal. I Think it is deep rooted in what ever happened to him. He gets very anxious when there are a lot of people and dogs around him,starts ,whining and nervous. Apollo would have been holding court deciding who was worthy of him. He was very regal. Miss my boy.
Arial loves being held and loves being kissed on the neck. You would think he s having an orgasm:eek:
Am glad you shared the cream buff with Koko. I think Koko and Arial comfort us and keep us sane.
Love you all. Here is to you,Zoe,honoring your memory and life.
Sonja and Angel Apollo

[apollo6]

I made a video for my husband, of our mini dachshunds, Karma's life. She will be 16 in April. I hope you like. Apollo is in it and near the end is Ariel's introduction to the family. The moments in life we have with our babies will always be there. Love you all. My time being on the site is slowly coming to an end. You have helped me through the good, the tough, the sad and yes the joyful, fun times. Not sure how long I will be coming back. September will have been 3 years since I lost my Angel Apollo.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irW1GMfXSis

[Budsters Mom]

So beautiful! Thank you sooooo much for sharing! It made my day!:p

Big hugs,
Kathy

[molly muffin]

Just beautiful Sonja Thanks for sharing. So nice to see the babies again.
Hugs

[Squirt's Mom]

I'm sitting here sobbing. What a beautiful tribute to your babies, Sonja. Seeing Apollo just took my breath away and I can only imagine what you much have felt making this. I am sure your hubby with treasure it always. Thank you for sharing, sweetie.

[apollo6]

Been thinking about all of you lately.
Apollo has been a lot on my mind lately. Mom and I driving back from her doctor appointment drove by the pet cemetery where we had his memorial and ashes. I just started crying. It will be three years in September since his passing. I miss him so much.
I still have so much guilt about what he went through near the end. Forgive me,baby boy.Maybe it is stirring up because our other little dachshund, Karma, now 16 has a oblong lump on the side of her face. She is my husbands dog. He is taking her to the vet today. Your prayers would deeply be appreciated.
She is Apollo sister( not by birth ) my connection to Apollo. They grow up together. Ariel gets along great with her. Still dealing with his nervousness and anxiety- bought a second anxiety wrap, use essential oils, herbs, trainer who deals with rescue and shelter dogs trying to help him be more calm and less afraid of the world.
Put the store up for sell,then will probably sell our townhouse and move somewhere more affordable, dealing with my mothers aging.Just to much on my plate. I think the stress is getting to me- almost past out on Saturday, was at the VA hospital with my husband because he had a noise bleed that would not stop. But doctor said okay.
Think about you all,often. This forum has gotten me through so many times. Love you all- Addy, Sharlene, Jeanette, Budster's mom Kathy, Hamish's mom, Robert, etc. sorry if I forgot or misspelled your name.
Sonja, Apollo , little Ariel

[mommyslittlegirl]

Hi,read some of the threads on Apollo.Will read more later.My Kiki has similar signs as Apollo had.Her muscles are totally giving out.Vets do not seem to know what to do.I just wanted to mentioned the stroller part.Apollo had a red one and Kiki has a pink one.She like Apollo likes to ride in the stroller.Gave a chance to be outdoors.

[mommyslittlegirl]

I can feel the love you had for Apollo.That was your baby,like Kiki is mine.I do not have a husband or kids.They become are kids.

[molly muffin]

Sending you big hugs and lots of love Sonja. I know you miss Apollo every day.

[Budsters Mom]

Big hugs Sonja. Life can be quite challenging and overwhelming at times. It all seemed so much easier to handle when we had our precious boys with us. They somehow made everything okay. I get it. I really do.

You are going on three years with Apollo in September. I am hitting my two-year mark with Buddy the beginning of July. It hasn't gotten much easier for me either, so you are not alone. Continue to smother your sweet little Ariel with love and attention. That is a beautiful way to honor Apollo by loving and helping another sweet baby who needs you. I will continue to focus my attention on my highflying little monkey who is delightfully impish beyond words and much smarter than I will ever be. I think that she is the happiest little thing on the face of the earth. Definitely A happy little Spitfire with a mind of her own. ;):D

I think of you and Apollo with his little red stroller often.
Hugs,
Kathy

[addy]

Oh dear sister, somehow we muddle through all of the challenges though without Zoe and Apollo maybe with not as much fight in us.

I'm sitting here wondering if our house will pass inspection and find myself hoping it does not. I am not ready to leave this place I call home and love with all my heart.

I expect you feel the same way.

At times, the road traveled feels very lonely indeed. Having our hubby's sick does not help feel less lonely.


I guess, dear sister in battle, we hold on tight and keep going.
Someday, it will all be ok, somehow, and we will find that elusive peace we crave.

Ariel and Koko need us and we travel on, one day at a time.

Love you very much.

[apollo6]

Thank you all for the comforting posts. Molly, Kathy, Addy.
my dear sister and arm, Addy, life goes on and it is always changing. We adapt and keep one foot in front of the other. You and I have had our share of challenges over the years. Hope we can meet some day.
Sonja,Apollo and Ariel

[apollo6]

My sweet baby boy saw a humming bird flying around the patio today
,feel it was your spirit saying hi,Mommy. September will be three years since you passed. I think then it will be time for me to leave the forum. You will always be in my heart and soul,Mommy's little angel.
Sonja

[mommyslittlegirl]

Dear Sonja,what a lucky little boy Apollo was to have such a loving mommy. I think our babies come to us in a certain way to say hi mommy,i love you and I'm ok. Hugs.

[apollo6]

Just wanted to wish you all a blessed Christmas , holiday season. It has been 3 years since my Apollo died, then in July we lost our Karma. I miss them always.
Blessings to our cushing's babies and to the ones who are no longer with us. To love a cushing baby is to love with all your heart and soul.
Maybe pray for a cure, won't that be nice.
love Sonja, Apollo , Karma
Ariel and our new addition Kristin(mini dachshund, pinscher)

[Budsters Mom]

What a surprise! A brand-new Christmas baby!

Welcome Kristin!!!

Happy holidays to you and yours Sonja.:)

[addy]

Did someone say Christmas baby:D:D

Where are the pictures?

Yahoo, and Merry Christmas dearest Sonja.

[apollo6]

I finally downloaded the new addition to our family. We adopted Kristin a mini dachshund/pinscher mix, weighs about 9 lbs., 3 years old, in September.
Because we missed our babies Apollo and Karma, we adopted Ariel 3 years ago and Kristin in September. They will always be in our heart and soul. Apollo and Karma are our soul dogs, nothing or no one can replace them.
We shared the love with these two adoptees.

I did not think I would ever have another dog again. But the hole Apollo and Karma left needed to be filled.
Sonja, Apollo, Karma, Ariel and Kristin.