Apollo fought with grace and dignity to the end, My little angel warrior

[addy]

I am here too, this first day of your new life. I hold your hand and also hold you close to my heart.

love you

[jmac]

I'm here too, Sonja....thinking of you lots today...

Julie & Hannah

[Sabre's Mum]

Sonja ... I am so sorry for your loss. Run free lil Apollo.

My thoughts are with you.

Angela and Flynn

[BestBuddy]

Dear Sonja,

There is never enough time with our furry friends. I am so sorry to hear that Apollo lost his battle and what a battle it was. You fought so hard for him and he knew that you loved him but it was time. I am glad you were able to hold him before he left.

Godspeed Apollo.

Jenny

[molly muffin]

Sonja. I am so sorry that sweet Apollo has gone. I think that he chose his time and that he stayed as long as he could just to have that extra time with you. Sorry this is difficult trying to Internet here. Tears are being shed tonight across many miles for you and Apollo.

Hugs
Sharlene

[Boriss McCall]

Thinking about you tonight Sonja. hugs

[Tina]

You and your family are in my thoughts tonight Sonja.

(((Hugs)))

Tina

[Bailey's Mom]

Sonja, you are in my thoughts tonight. Take care of yourself.
-Susan

[Roxee's Dad]

Dear Sonja,
I am so very sorry. Dear Apollo knew he was loved so much, not only by you, but also by his Cush family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Rest in Peace sweet Apollo, you are our newest and brightest star in the sky.

[Casey's Mom]

Dear Sonja,

I am so very sorry to hear about Apollo - I know how much you and your mom loved him and cared for him. I too will always remember him in the stroller. He was a very lucky little dog to have you as his mom.

Love and hugs,

[marie adams]

Dearest Sonja,

I am so sorry for your loss of Apollo. Apollo and You were the best for each other. I too wish I could of had Maddie pass as Apollo passed at a loving place and in your arms.

Everyone has said so many wonderful words before me and I feel the same way.

I know the loss and empty feelings; you and your family had a wonderful battle together. You each won because you all had each other in your lives with Apollo.

Thinking of You!!! ((((HUGS))))

[MBK]

Dear Sonja,

Just wanted to let you know you have been in my thoughts. I'm sure it still feels surreal.

Sending our love.

[bgdavis]

Sonja,

I'm so sorry for your loss of Apollo. He was a fighter and could have wished for no more than to pass in your arms.

Bonnie and Angel Criss Ann

[Maya]

So sorry to hear of your heartache. Little Apollo had a great life and mum. May God comfort you in this difficult time....
Hugs from Leah and Maya

[addy]

Still here hugging you and saying prayers for you during this difficult time, dearest friend.

3 am is a lonely time. I hope you sleep tonight, sweetie.

all my love,

[BreeandDaisy]

So sorry to read about this but I am warmed by all the people on the board you and Apollo obviously touched and the wonderful support and caring you are getting here. I hope you have as much ni real life as you do virtually.

i am sure Apollo appreciated you holding him until the end. At least you never have to wonder if you did the right thing, or made the decision too soon.

may your happier memories of Apollo help you through this.

Shari and Bree

[MBK]

Worried about you, Sonja. :( Sending you love.

[jrepac]

Rest easy Apollo.
So sorry for your loss Sonja.

Jeff & the Girls.

[apollo6]

My dear sweet friends. Your words of love and kindness mean a lot.
I wonder around the house sometimes at 3a.m. looking for Apollo, I can hardly sleep. I cry all the time. Today a person said a cruel thing to me. It is good that he is dead because he was an old dog and you had to carry him around in a carriage.
Apollo was never a burden to me. I did everything out of love. Tomorrow we will have a small memorial for my angel. A few nights ago I could not sleep so I did a video Memorial of his life and used the music "Lucky" from Jason Mraz.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acvIVA9-FMQ
It says it all.
I am so empty, heartbroken. I signed up for a Pet loss grief session at the humane society. I am really struggling. My husband and I cry a lot , because we took him everywhere with us. I miss him so much.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[SasAndYunah]

Oh Sonja, I don't visit the site daily anymore and just now read the sad news of Apollo's passing...I am so very sorry for your loss. You gave Apollo the best doggy life any dog could have wished for and Apollo gave you everything you could have hoped for and more. And losing such a special being in your life is so, so difficult.I know that now your heart feels empty due to the physical absence but with time your heart will be filled again with all the wonderful memories Apollo has left you with,

All our strength and best,

Saskia and Mhina.

[labblab]

Oh Sonja, I am very grateful you've signed up for the pet loss session at the Humane Society. I hope that perhaps they may sponsor an ongoing support group. I know that nothing can change your pain, but having the chance to share your grief with others may make the days ahead become more bearable.

You may already have visited our support thread here, but you will find listed some additional online groups who sponsor grief forums and even some live chatrooms. There are also lots of helpful readings available. I hope that perhaps some of these resources may also bring comfort to you in one way or another:

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171

Sending many hugs in loving memory of your sweet little boy,
Marianne

[addy]

Sweet, gentle friend, it is hard enough when we lose our best friend, our constant companion from old age but, I think, when they become sick and we work so hard to make them better, we invest so much of ourselves in them that the bond becomes even stronger and the loss even more painful.

As hard as it is, we go through the mourning process and we allow ourselves to grieve, for the grief is real and terrible and must be acknowledged for it to get better.

Many people dont understand this and say hurtful things, not realizing the depth of our grief, your grief.

Dearest Sonja, one day, it will be better and the memories of dearest Apollo will bring comfort and the sorrow will turn to peace.

[MBK]

Sonja, that song is BEAUTIFUL and the perfect tribute for Apollo. When people say hurtful things like, "it's just a dog", I really feel sorry for them because they obviously have never had the joy of having such a special bond. I am thankful that you have your mother and husband who both understand the depth of your grief and I am sure that is a tremendous help to you. I'm glad to hear you signed up for the grief class. I think it will help to be around others who can understand what you are going through. I hope the intense pain you are feeling right now lessens and you can begin to remember Apollo in happier times. He'll live in your heart forever.

Sending love.

[Boriss McCall]

Sonja,
Thinking about you today. I know the loss can be so overwhelming. It is the most painful thing. I hate it when people who don't understand say things that are so cruel. :(

Just know we all understand & know what you are going thru. I too am a dog mama (no kids). When I loose one it is SO painful & takes so long to heal. I even have felt guilty when I do start feeling better. It is so hard.

Hang in there..

Hugs

[Buffaloe]

Hi Sonja,

I don't visit the site very often anymore but I saw that you lost your sweet Apollo. You are a wonderful lady and you were the best Mom to Apollo. You did absolutely everything you could have done for him. Their lives are so short; maybe it's because God wants us to have several of these amazing creatures during our own lives. All dogs go to heaven and he and Shiloh are running around, having huge fun, young and healthy and they're keeping an eye on us. You will be with Apollo again and don't be surprised if he sends you a clear sign that he is around and doing great. The grief is so deep and I am glad you are in a support group.

Ken

[MBK]

Their lives are so short; maybe it's because God wants us to have several of these amazing creatures during our own lives.

Love that thought.

[addy]

We are all here this sad day. We understand how hard this day is for you sweet Sonja.

I wish I could scrub away every ounce of pain and sorrow, wash it away, banish it forever, never to return.

I love you.

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sonja -
I am glad to hear you are pursuing a grief group. What you are feeling is very real and it will be helpful to share those feelings with others in your same situation and to hear their stories and how they are dealing with their losses.

Someone said something very cruel to me the day we had to have Peaches euthanized. I was absolutely amazed at the insensitivity.....a person does not have to go through such a loss to understand it is very painful. I hope perhaps you were able to muster some of the response that you had here....how you loved everything you did for Apollo. That little doggie looked quite happy and content in those pictures of you and his "BMW" stroller. When the comment was made to me I was in a group meeting. I was initially in shock, but as soon as I could leave without causing a commotion I did. I went home to my husband and son and said "Let's get out of this house. I need to get out." I explained what happened, as we were on our way out. The person who made the comment to me had come looking for me when we were already backing out of the driveway. He told me he thought his comment would be funny. I replied-how could you ever think anyone would find that funny? -and off we went.

Apollo is still within you. Nothing will ever be able to fill that space. In time that painful place will become overfilled with warm memories.....but it will remain Apollo's place in you.

You are not alone. If I could, I too would remove your pain and grief.
-Hugs,
Susan

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sonja,

Folks have said some cruel things tome Squirt over the last 3-4 years, too. I've been told straight to my face, "you need to put her down" because she walks funny, she's old, she has to take all that medicine...but the real reason is because the ones who said those things are missing something in their Souls. They are unable to see our babies as they should be seen - as part of our family, one of our children, a part of us. They will never know the true love of a pup nor the joy of giving that love. They are incapable of understanding how very blessed we are.

The support group is a wonderful idea! I hope you experience a great deal of comfort and acceptance, and are able to find a light to shine on your journey through this valley. For that is where you are; you slid down the side of this ravine with Apollo in your arms but now you must climb up the other side with him in your heart only, and the burden is so much greater with empty arms.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[jmac]

Hi Sonja,

I am so glad you signed up for the pet loss session as well. It is so frustrating when others try to give their input about what should or should not happen with a pet. Some people cannot understand how strong the bond is and see them only as pets. As someone else said, it is sad that they have no idea what kind of relationship is possible between humans and animals. You should remember that you did everything you could for Apollo and that he chose when he was ready to go and went with dignity and grace, just like the title of your post. It is good for you to grieve; I just hope that every day will get a little easier for you.

I got a manicure yesterday and the girl who does my nails is a huge cat lover. She lost a cat about 5 years ago that she had for about 17 years. She had a very difficult time after her death. She eventually talked with an animal communicator, similar to what Glynda did, and said it was the best thing she had done. It helped her be at peace with her loss, knowing that her cat was okay, happy, and pain free, and knowing that she would eventually be okay too. I'm not sure what your thoughts are on that subject, but it is something else to try if you are interested.

I think of you and your little Apollo all the time...

Julie & Hannah

[apollo6]

Thank you for all your love and support. Saturday was very painful for all of us. I like many of your ideas and what you have gone through. I am going this coming Saturday to the human society Pet loss session. I am struggling just to keep my head up. Apollo and I were so connected. I may just look into a Pet communicator. I am so unstable right now.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Altira]

I've lost lots of dogs thru the years but Mira's death was (the last one) was differant. I didn't even know she was sick. And twenty two days later she died from liver and lung cancer at age seven. It was such a shock and I had so little time to say goodbye. That was almost two years ago and I still cry over her. The thing is after she died, I just stopped caring if I lived or died. I mean if life can be this crewel. Anyway I can understand how Apollos passing is making you feel unstable. We adopt dogs knowing full well we will loose them someday but for some of us living thru that is far worse then we could have ever imagined. I cried a lot too. All the time. For well over a year with Mira. But I wasn't alowed to do that in front of anyone. For a long time I was greatful when my husband would go away for a few days.

I hope that you can find something that will help. Me... I go out and get another dog and do it all over again. I can't live without dogs. They are all so differant and each is specail in there own way. It always hurts like hell to loose them. You have my deepest sympathy. And you know what? Everyone on this forum falls into that same horrible place you are when we lose our K9 children.

[infoviewer]

Sonja, there is really nothing we can say that will lessen the sadness you are feeling. I know the grief is almost all you can bear. Always remember that Apollo was given the best life possible and loved by so many. When your grief lessens you will remember all the things he did from puppy to his peaceful passing. The grief will lessen as time passes. I have lost so many animals and I still grieve over them, but now I remember all the cute things they did that made me laugh. It is my hope that your grief will lessen quickly. Being with people that understand will help you and your family. Time is a healer, although you cannot believe that now. Love, JoAnne

[apollo6]

Dear Friends
I picked up Apollo's ashes today. I am home crying. The grief is overcoming me. Even Apollo's vet called because he is worried about me. I can't sleep at night.
I keep blaming myself that I did not do the right thing by him with the pesticides(Ivermectin, the Advantage Plus) for the mites, all the antibiotics and his little body could not take it all with his weakened immune system.
I am going to the pet loss support session on Saturday.
I knew it was going to be hard,but I didn't think it would be this hard.
I am so sorry I have not kept up with your own issues.
Hugs Sonja and Apollo

[infoviewer]

Sonja: You never did anything that hastened Apollo's death. You only tried to help him as we all do. I have questioned myself every time I have lost a beloved pet, even a guinea pig my husband took him to the ER in the middle of the night and I had put Vicks Vapor on his chest because he could not breath and the ER people did not know what he was. Of course he had already passed when he left the house, but my good husband tried to save him for me. I had a doxie that died at seven years old and we never knew why. Just found him dead in his cage, of course I blamed myself for years, but in my heart I know he was well taken care of and probably had a heart attack and it was beyond my control. I was given my current dog a year later and have loved him for eleven years, but my other dogs are still in my heart and I still cry for them. We all know that we are given these precious animals for such a short time and we take the best care we can of them. Apollo was so well taken care of and you loved him with all your heart and he is still so connected to you and always will be, but I promise you the pain will lessen after awhile and you can cry and laugh at his funny ways. I know when I found my seven year old doxie dead I did not think I could go on, but I did. I had lost both my parents at that time and many other animals, but it seems like nothing had hurt as much and I was so ashamed because I grieved for him more than my parents, which is hard to say, but I know you understand that. Love, JoAnne

[addy]

sweetheart, when we must make decisions for others who cannot make their own decisions, we all second guess ourselves, if only, maybe if I did this or that, it goes on and on, the record of guilt and second guesing is stuck in our heads and wont stop playing.

Sometimes, no matter what we do, what lengths we take, we cannot save someone. It is beyond our control. It is God's decision, Sonja, not ours.

I hope the Grief support group will help ease your pain by allowing you to express it.

I am here to to remind you, strongly:);) that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Now, take my hand, come with me. Are you next to me? Do you feel my hand? Now, let us open the drawer, open it wide, Sonja. Great!! Now start dumping all that guilt in the drawer. Wait, I dont think you put it all in, I feel some more.

Yes!!!!! There it all is, in the drawer, take a look, do you see it all? All that nasty guilt laying in the drawer.

Okay, now slam that damn drawer as hard as you can and lock it . Lock it up tight!!!!!!

Take my hand again. Let's walk away and not look back.

Breathe deep breaths. Shake it out. Lift your head as high as you can, put your shoulders back and remember that Apollo loves you still and is with you even though you cant see him or feel him and he would be very sad to see his dearest mom racked with guilt. So we will never open the dang drawer again and let it out.

I love you.

[Steph n' Ella]

Sonja, You did such a great job with Apollo. Even with this forum, the black and white words on a screen, your love and extreme measures you took to care for him were plain to see. It is difficult to change your inner dialogue if all it does is lead you on the path of guilt and grief. It can begin to sound like a broken record. Late at night when you feel this record playing over and over, I want you to come here and read all the encouraging words your cush firends have to say about you and your journey with Apollo. If you read it enough, I hope you will begin to truely believe it! You have a lot of love to give to the world! You showed it through Apollo and now you need to show that love to yourself.

Thinking of you and your beloved Apollo, Stephanie

[molly muffin]

Really big hugs Sonja

You loved Apollo, therefore everything you did, was to try and make his life a better one. That one thing right there, means that you cannot possibly have anything to feel guilt over. In the midst of our grief though, it is sometimes easier to say, I should have done this or I should have done that. It makes one think that there must be even more to why you would feel a sorrow so deep and a grief so endless. It isn't true though. You feel so deeply because you love so deeply. That is a double edged sword. For only in such boundless love can such joy be found and only in such endless love can a grief seem to be never ending also.

We're all here with you Sonja and any time you want to talk or to share your feelings and emotions. We'll be right here with you. We will cry with you and laugh with you and stand beside you. That is what friends do.

Hugs,
Sharlene

[labblab]

Sonja, I really am so glad that you're going to the support group on Saturday. I think that is one of the very best things you can be doing right now -- to join with others who will understand your grief and share your loss.

This may seem like a really silly suggestion, but this is something that helped me and maybe it would help you, too. When I lost my beloved Barkis, I wrote him a letter :o. I started it one afternoon, right at the time that we should have been going for a walk. And I kept adding on to it at times that felt especially hard for me. At times when I missed him so terribly. There were things that I felt so guilty about -- things I wished I'd done so differently, and I told him that in my letter. There were so many things about him that I loved so deeply, and I named those things in the letter. I thanked him for everything he had given me, for all the ways he had enriched my life. I told him I would never, ever forget him. And somehow it helped a little bit, to put a voice to all those thoughts and feelings and to my love for him. I still have that letter. Even though it has been eight years now, I still pull out that letter every once in a while and I read it and I cry. But it also gives me comfort and it makes me feel so connected to him. And when I read the letter, it is as if time falls away and he is a little puppy again, and I remember and treasure each day that we had together. And I feel as though he long ago forgave me for my mistakes, and what I remember most clearly now is simply how much we loved one another, and always will. Apollo has already forgiven you for anything you might have done differently, Sonja. All he wants is for you to be kind to yourself and to remember him with love.

Sending many hugs your way, in honor of your dear, brave Apollo.
Marianne

[MBK]

Sonja,

There is no one in the world who could have fought any harder for Apollo than you did. Apollo knew he was well loved, which is why you had such a connection. Apollo left his earthly body in your arms. Safe and comforted. He trusted you totally and completely. He fought as long and as hard as his little body could and he spared you the trauma of having to make a decision on his behalf. I know your pain feels insurmountable right now, but I also know you loved Apollo too much to have wanted him to suffer in any way. If you had a choice between Apolo suffering or your own grief, I know you would take the grief and spare him the pain. Apollo would never want to see you in so much pain. I'm glad you are going to go to the support group. I hope it helps some. Did you have the memorial service for Apollo, yet?

Sending our love.

[frijole]

Sonja, Sending warm wishes and strength as you learn to cope and heal. I know it is very hard. One day at a time sister, one day at a time. Meanwhile you have us! :D We understand. I'm glad you have a support group to reach out to - great idea. Kim

[Tina]

Sonja, I just want to let you know that after I lost my precious Lab 4 years ago, I struggled severely with the loss as well. I really didn't think I would ever get through it. Sometimes even now I don't know how I made it. I still miss her so much. When I read some of your posts, it is as if they were written by me 4 years ago.

My local Humane Society offered a pet loss support group led by a licensed therapist who had experience with grief and loss therapy. I could hardly get myself out of bed but I forced myself to go. It did not fix everything but it was very beneficial, and I got a lot of comfort to know that there were others who were struggling just as much as I was. I felt like most people I knew were thinking I should just be able to get over it and move on, so the group was very helpful. I am glad you will be attending, and I hope it gives you some comfort.

You and Apollo are always in my prayers.

Love and hugs,

Tina

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sonja-
Things WILL get better. You WILL feel better. You did NOTHING wrong. What you are experiencing now, believe it or not, is normal for this kind of situation. We are all here to help you get through this. You will get through this.

When Peaches died, I put together a collage of her pictures. I tried to get one for each year of her life. It was a hard thing to do, but it really helped me. She lived for 17+ years, so now I have a nice collection of pictures....always there for me to look at.

Please keep posting on here as you have been. A problem shared is cut in half. A problem kept is doubled. I know this is hard, honey. We are all walking right beside you.

Love,
Susan

[labblab]

A problem shared is cut in half. A problem kept is doubled. I know this is hard, honey. We are all walking right beside you.

What a wise and lovely thing to say, Susan. Thank you from all of us. :o ;)

Marianne

[mypuppy]

oh Marianne,

6:48 in the morning and you managed to make me cry:(. Id tell you to maybe one day share your letter with us, but I think we would all be crying for days on end.

Hope you and the babies are well, and also your precious friend.

Much love and tight hugs always.

xo Jeanette and my sweet Princess

[Altira]

Oh my yes... Wouldn't that be something to read Marianes letter to Barkis. One can only imagine. Maybe I just haven't been in the right place at the right time or something but I have never known our Marianne to open up like this. Eight years and she still cries. And what a wonderful way to deal with her loss. Personally I build monstrous photo albums. Printed captions and all. I can't get anyone to look at them though. I guess it's to sad. I have four of those now. And pages and pages of stories and memories. My Sasha was a queen. And I pictured what her life was like at the pet store before I found her. i wrote a story written in her words... And the silly puppy way how she discovered the shinny thing in the cage with her contained WATER! And boy was she ever THIRSTY! When she was older she would hide her food in the corner of the room and lie in wait for Sigh to come in. The minute he'd make a motion to get the food shed come running out of hiding and attack poor sweet old Sigh. He would always look so so fulorne. "What did I do?" As Sasha now proceeded to eat that food with relish! She was half his size! She ruled him from day one! Sasha the queen, Sasha the wise, Sasha my rock. So unfamiular now. She's been gone 12 years. But it seems like 30.

[addy]

Sonja, I think Marianne has a wonderful idea. I wrote a letter to my father after he died. It really did help. I too, felt there were so many things I wish I had done differntly to help my father while he was ill.

I know you are in deep mourning and this is so hard. I hope you realiize though, how much we all care about you.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) ))))))

[Boriss McCall]

Sonja.. I am thinking about you today. Sending you hugs.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy&ZOE,Koko,SHARlene &MOlly,Stephanie,MARYbeth&Aliva,AMY &Boris,Marianne,Jeanette,KIm,Tina and any one I forgot.
I could not get through this without your encouragement.
It has been 13 days since I lost my Angel Apollo. Any time I tell someone, they are ver sad. Everyone thought he was such a sweet dog. I think tomorrow , I will write that letter. I feel all your love.
Apollo was ever part of my life. Everwhere I go Apollo was with me.
I feel so lost and empty now. I talked to Terry and yes Angel Corky a few days ago which was very comforting.
Love you all.
Sonja and Angel Apollo
I miss him so much, wonder around the house looking for him.

[molly muffin]

I know that empty sound in the house can be just heartbreaking all on it's own. I think anything that you can do to help is a good thing. Writing a letter is a wonderful idea. I just cried when I read about that. Well, this is a thread that has brought some laughter along the way and many tears. It has truly been a journey that you have gone through.

hugs,
Sharlene

[gpgscott]

Sonja,

Sorry to be late in responding to convey my condolances.

I also have had difficulty in dealing with the loss of my little ones. You are wise to seek out assistance.

Everyone here is concerned about you. Please continue to post as you work through your loss.

Scott

[Casey's Mom]

Sonja, we are all here for you honey. To lose our pups is one of the hardest things we go through in this world - they are so dependent on us. But I know you did all the things you possibly could for Apollo - most of all you loved him.

[labblab]

Hi Sonja,

Just wanted to check in and see whether you were able to attend the support group on Saturday. I am hoping "yes?" And I am very much hoping that it turned out to be a comfort to you.

Thinking of you this morning, at the beginning of another week. I know it is the beginning of another week without sweet Apollo physically in your arms. But we are here alongside you. We can never take his place, but you are not alone. And Apollo remains forever alive in our memories, too. We will never forget your little boy. And each day we will help you honor his shining spirit.

Marianne

[sunshinehoman]

Well said Marianne!!

We are all thinking about you and hoping each day will get a little bit sunnier!

Shannon & Sunshine

[Altira]

How are you Sonja? You drawn any paw prints on paper yet? Or one of these...

^. .^ Damn insistent formatting, oh well... you get the idea.
O

[addy]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

love you

[apollo6]

Dear friends
Thank you all for your love and support. Today for some reason was a bad one. Like Addy, I am dealing with issues with my 81 year old mother, the insurance, etc.
I always had Apollo to hold to get through life's struggles. Now I reach for the emptiness.
I finally put up two of the paw prints I had made of Apollo, one in my office and one in the kitchen below a picture of me, my husband , Apollo and Karma. to look at each day.
I miss him so much. I did go to the grief counsel at the humane society on Saturday. Funny, I meet a couple who also had a little dachie they lost. We cried, talked about the fun, loving times, the sick times. It helped. After we looked at some of the dogs in the pound. For a while it took my mind off of things.
Apollo was truly my little angel. Since he has died, I have slammed the car door on my hand, burnt my arm with a flat iron, fell off a ladder, hit the back of my head, bruised my left thumb, leg.
I know I just turned 60, but come on.:eek:
I also enlarged Apollo's aviator picture to look at each night when I go to bed.
I pray for all of you and your cushing babies. They truly are warriors and you are their guardians to go through this.
Hugs Sonja and Apollo
Maybe some day I will be able to help encourage new comers, but not today.

[molly muffin]

Sonja dearest. You are still in really early stages of grief here, don't worry anything else other than getting through this.
I'm so glad you went to the grief counseling. I think it helps to know others are right there with you and to be able to share what you are going through.
We're right there with you too. :) Any time at all.

hugs,
Sharlene

[addy]

I'm glad the grief counseling helped, sweet friend. It will take a while for your heart to mend but you took a big first step by attending that session.

I hope things are not too bad with your mom. It is hard to see them age, I know.

Love you bunches and sending daily hugs. I'm glad Apollo's paw prints and photo bring you comfort.

I love you:):):):)

(((((((((((((((((((((Thursday hugs)))))))))))))))))))

[Boriss McCall]

HI Sonja,
Glad you found some comfort in the grief class. It really does help to seek out people who have had the same tragedy in their life.
I remember when my dad died in a car wreck I would really only open up to people who had been thru similar experience because I felt like they were the only ones who truly understood the pain.

It is such a difficult thing to deal with. You have come a long way. You are starting to be able to remember the good things even though it is painful & they make you cry. Grief is such an overwhelming feeling & you never know when it will take your breath away.

Don't worry about the new folks on here. There are lots of sweet people on here that have everyone covered. :)

((hugs))

[jmac]

Sonja,

Just want to let you know I am thinking of you and sending hugs and strength your way. I am so glad you met another couple going through the same thing you are. I am so sorry you have been having such a rough time (with all those accidents too) since you lost Apollo. I am glad to hear you have put up some pictures and paw prints of him. We are all here thinking of you. I hope each day will get a little easier for you...

Love,
Julie & Hannah

[addy]

Stopping by to give you a Saturday hug

(((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))

[MBK]

Sonja -

I am so glad you went to the grief class and met another couple who can relate to your pain. I hope it helps to be able to talk and share your feelings.

I am sure all the "accidents" are due to you being so distraught and distracted by your grief. Please be careful.

Keeping you in our thoughts. I hope each day gets a little better.

[apollo6]

Thank you all.
I bought a book called Saying Good-Bye to the Pet You Love: A Complete Resource to Help You Heal by Lorrie Greene a psychologist dealing with grief counselling.
I wrote a letter to Apollo has was suggested and will post under remembering.
Now my 81 year old mother was given less then 90 day notice that they are tearing her place down. I have to move her. I just can not believe how my life is going right now.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Altira]

This may seem a little crewel to say but the disaster with your mom maybe a bit of a blessing. It's a distraction. About a week after I learned my Mira was going to die of cancer any day, I also learned my Kira had Cushings and needed a very dangerous opperation post haste. I couldn't save Mira but I could save Kira. Mira was 7 years old and dying, I could think of nothing else but still all these horrible things were happening to Kira and I had to save her. It's sort of the same thing for you now. Your pain over Apollo is very bad, still you have the duty to save your mom. Then later when the one year anniversary of Mira's death got close, I could feel myself coming apart again. Everything I worked so hard to get over... was just building again. Then about a month before that date, I bumped into Stormee on this forum who's dog was to have the same operation that Kira had and she was just as terrified as I had been. I wanted so much to help Stormee with her concerns. Oddly my Mira died on the 27th of November, Shysie was to have her operation one year later on November 28th. The distraction took me right thru that Aniversary I feared so much. It's funny how things happen sometimes.

[addy]

Sister in Battlle, dearest Sonja,

We may be down, but we are never out:):) I haver faith in you and I know you will rally and see things through with your Mom as hard as it seems right now. Sometimes in our grief, helping others gives us the strength we need.

It is so hard to have to move seniors, they dont take it well. Your mom will need you and I know you will be there for her. But you need to get some sleep every night. Dont be afraid to ask for help with that if you need it.

love you

[Steph n' Ella]

Sonja, Good luck with your Mom's move. I know moving for the elderly can be terribly difficult. Hopefully you have some other family members who can help you out. Of course you have all of us here to support you along the way too. Sometimes it is difficult for "doers" to ask for help (you seem like a super-women "doer" to me). But during these challenging times, you must try take a step back and trust others to help you and your family! You deserve it!

[apollo6]

Janis,Addy & Zoe, and Steph n Ellia,
thank you for your support.
I am overwhelmed about Mom 's move. My brother is back in Ohio and we are here in San Diego, CA.
We are the over the hill gang: I have arthritis in both hands, my thumbs are shot, my husband has back problems and I don't want my mother to do anything for the move. I am looking into movers and help packing I am doing a lot of praying.
the senior apt complex had a meeting announcing my Mom's units would be toren down. I had a lot of questions , I asked. I am an in charge person - a lot of the seniors told my mother that I know what I am doing and should be in charge. Addy you know how we warriors are.:o

I am struggling a lot since my baby,Apollo died.
the biggest challenge is the guilt ,blame I have that I should never have started the pesticides-The Advantage PLUs and the antibotic- that is when the stomach issues got worse, no one addressed it. Was it some other medication? I know I shouldn't do this to myself.
I miss him every day.
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

the biggest challenge is the guilt

sweetie, I thought we locked that up in drawer never to be opened again.:):):):):)

I just said that on Alivia's thread to Mary Beth. We all do the best we can with the information we have. No one here should feel guilty about anything. Ever. the fact that we are all here trying to do our best speaks volumes.

Guess I am going to have you put that damn guilt in a safe instead of a drawer;):)

[MBK]

Sonja,

I am sorry that you have to deal with your mother's move on top of everything...but, I do agree with what other's have said. The distraction and new purpose you have may be a blessing in disguise. Apollo loved your mother and now you have no choice but to keep going for her. She needs you. Maybe that's not a coincidence. ;)

As far as what you should or shouldn't have done during Apollo's treatment. We all know for a fact you would have moved heaven and earth for that sweet little guy. You did EVERYTHING humanly possible and despite his health issues, Apollo had a great life with you. There is a flip side to your "what ifs"...things may have been even worse for Apollo if you hadn't done those things. There is no way to know. You need to be good to yourself. You were a wonderful caretaker for Apollo. Try to remember that. (Addy, I will help you drop that safe somewhere out in the middle of the Pacific!)

[apollo6]

Without out your support I could not get through this. I am crying all the time. Mom and I will talk about when things got stressful we would just hold Apollo and feel better. I am struggling more than I can bare at times. Mom's move is twice as hard because the grief just overwhelms me at times. I will try to post later. Just need your support now.
I know I should lock up the guilt drawer. It will take time.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Steph n' Ella]

Sonja- Hope you are hanging in there. I can't imagine how difficult these times are for you and your family. Thinking of you!

[MBK]

One day at a time, Sonja. I have never been through the loss of a dog, so I can only imagine your heartache. Just know that we are all here and thinking about you often.

[molly muffin]

Oh Sonja, there must be a light at the end of this road that you are on. I am hoping that it is one of peace.
How horrid that you have to deal with family issues on top of losing Apollo. I agree that maybe they will be a distraction though.

hugs,
Sharlene

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sonja-

I have taken possession of the guilt drawer. It's gone, outta sight! It can only be located by some fancy dancy "guilt detector" and I am the only one who knows the combination. Take some deep breaths. Try to get some sleep and be sure you are eating some protein. Take it one second at a time. Things WILL get better.:)
Love,
Susan

[addy]

Susan and Mary Beth are off to the Pacific Ocean with the guilt drawer. It is a sight to behold, that dang guilt draw swinging and swaying from a chain connected to the airplane. Mary Beth plans to drop it somewhere around Tahiti but Susan no it has be further away;)

Stopping by with more hugs because I missed some days. Sorry about that. I promise to do better. Sweet Sonja, we are all for you.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))

[infoviewer]

Sonja: I promise it does get better. I have lost 2 doxies and one was only seven years old. You start remembering the sweet things they did and before you know it a day has passed and no crying and then joy again. You will always remember the love you had for Apollo and the love he showed to you and your family. The guilt will pass and you will know that you did everything possible to save Apollo and he had the best life a furbaby could have. You will remember the trips in the stroller and to the ocean with joy, no guilt, how could there be, he was the most cared for and treasured dog ever. You will remember his trips with you and your family and be able to smile, I promise. Everything is too fresh right now, but as time passes, there will be joy in your life and you can smile again. No guilt, just remembering with joy. Love, JoAnne

[addy]

stopping by for Wednesday hugs.

Mary Beth and Susan are back from dumping the guilt drawer. They had quite a trip:)

I hope things are a bit easier with your Mom's move. Quite a bit of emotion there as well for you, sweetie.

((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) ))))

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your support.
October 12th will be a bitter sweet day for me. Apollo would have been 14 years old. I will light the angel candle , the one I lite at his memorial service. I can not move any of his things. It has been 31 days since his passing. I cry ever day. I still can't believe he is gone. I keep hoping when I get home , he will be in his bed waiting for a belly rub. He was always very regal, about everyone had to come to him. :o I have not gone to the ocean since his death, it is to painful.
My mother's move , making arrangements, downsizing, dealing with the fire have kept me from crying all the time. The nights the demons come out and I cry for my little boy. At least here I am with the most beautiful loving people who love their pets as I do, they are family.
I can not bring myself to post for anyone yet.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Altira]

It all sounds so familiar. I couldn't touch any of Mira's meds for the longest time. All these bottles on the counter in our attempt to make her more comfortable. All the bottles just sat there. I couldn't even reach for them. And yes I wrote stuff here on the forum but there were things I just couldn't say. Some of them took a year before I could say them. Some still give me trouble and its been two years. But I'm here as proof that you can feel all these things and still go on. Still love again. The sooner you let another doggie into your heart the better Sonja. I swear it helps. You need that distraction. What is it they say. If you fall off a horse it's best to jump right back on. Your still going to be hurting but not giving up. Give your heart what you need. If you didn't you wouldn't be feeling as you do now.

What do you feel when you see other dogs out walking with there owners? If one gets close to you do you want to touch it? Do feel love? I think you do. Go to the local pound and just walk around. They need somebody and you do too.

I go outside and I look at the place where Mira laid just days before we lost her. Then I look down and there is baby Neeka. She's looking at me. She licks my leg gently and it feels warm and sweet. And I say to her... "No lick!" Lol. A sweet distraction.

[Boriss McCall]

I know that feeling well. We had a beloved bull dog Pony Boy die from meningitis 3 years ago. I just finally had to get rid of his blanket a few months back. It was very difficult!! :(
Hang in there.. hugs..

[addy]

Friday hugs



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are you still going to the support group?
one day the pain will ease, give yourself time, sweetie.

[jmac]

Sonja,
I just want you to know I am still thinking of you and little Apollo often. It will get easier for you, even if it is just a little each day. Sending you extra strength today on Apollo's birthday.

Julie & Hannah

[apollo6]

thank you all for your support and kind words. It has been 38 days since my baby died, and I cry every day. I didn't think it would be this hard. I miss him everyday. After going over to help Mom downsize, I do my own errands. the closer I get to home, the tears start. The grief is overwhelming. LIke so many of you, he was my one and only. I feel guilty I registered at a dachshund rescue site. I ask Apollo if when the time is right if he will be okay with me getting another dachshund down the road. But not yet.
Hugs Sonja and Apollo

[molly muffin]

Sonja, it's good to see you here. 38 days is just 38 days, there is no time reference for grief. At some point though I am convinced that you will feel Apollo saying 'mom, you just have to know that I love you and you loved me and that is better than so many other dogs or humans get in this life' and know that everything is okay for him and for you.
I think there will come a time, when you'll see another little dachshund or other type of dog that is lonely and has no one to care for them and you'll know that it is time and that your heart is big enough to love and care for many. I really believe that day will come and it might come when you are least expecting it. :) That is normally when our little ones (and big ones :) ) come to us. Not when we think they will, but just when it is time.

I'm really happy to see you here :)

Hugs sweetie.
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sonja!

I'm glad you are letting us accompany you on your journey. Even had you experienced this kind of situation before, it would still be very hard. You opened up your heart so you could receive little Apollo and while your love for Apollo is still there, as is Apollo's love for you there is no way to not go through the grieving process. Nothing will ever fill that space...that is always Apollo's space. In time that space will take on new meaning. It will be overflowing with memories that will make you laugh and yes sometimes still you will cry.

Do you have photos that need organizing? Maybe you could gather up the ones that include Apollo and do kind of a time line organization. You will still shed some tears, but I bet there will be lots of laughs and sighs.

From where I sit you are doing remarkably well.

I am happy you are here with us.
-Susan

[MBK]

Sonja,

So happy to hear that you contacted a rescue. No dog wil ever replace Apollo in your heart, but what a wonderful way to honor his life! There are so many homeless animals and you have so much love to give. Apollo would be proud. He would never want you to be so sad.

[HaloGizmoTrinket]

Dear Sonja

I am new to this forum and have just posted for the first time. I am deeply sorry for the loss of your very loved Apollo. I have reading faithfully for over two years. Your story was very important to me because I too live in San Diego and visit Dog Beach in Coronado frequently. My Halo (westie) was diagnoised almort to the the day that Apollo was. I have a story that I hope will help you through your grief. We had a dog TOTO for 17 years that we loved so very much.When we lost him it just seemed like no one dog would ever take his place. We looked at other dogs but the interest wasn't there. Then one day we came a rough looking little westie puppy. I heard a little voice in my head and it was TOTO telling me this is the one. I never let her go and that was 13 years ago and it is Halo. Toto is in my heart and always will be. But we were meant to be parents to Halo. She had so many skin issues and then the Cushing I believe that a lot of peo0ple just would have given up on her. So too through your grief Apollo will let you know the one Take care Stay stong and when the time is right open your heart and give another one all that love you have inside, It will only double the love you had for Apollo

Rita Halo Gizmo and Trinket

[apollo6]

Dear Friends
Thank you for holding me, supporting me and guiding me through this difficult journey. It has been 41 days since my baby died and it is just as painful. Many stop posting after the death of their baby, but I need your help to get through this.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.
P.s. I did a video with pictures and music, I would love to share with you. Can anyone tell me how to do so. I know about You tube, but I don't want to be exposed to any cruel comments. I made it honor of Apollo and all the cushing babies who went before him.

[molly muffin]

Hi Sonja, Of course we are here for you! :) There was never a doubt that we would be.

Someone said something on another thread, who has also lost her beloved friend, that you spend so much time taking care of them, and vet visits and watching poops and fixing food, that when they leave us, it is a huge hole left in your life, of time that you use to spend with them. I think that is true and probably the worse part of all. It leaves too much time to think, to wonder, to grieve.

I don't really upload videos, but I know you Can upload to youtube and set it to private. I think you then have to provide the link to those you want to be able to see it, but a regular search on youtube wouldn't just find it.

I think other sites are probably like that too, where you can set something to private.
Of course you don't want those who wouldn't understand what you are going through to be commenting on something that is private and sacred to you.

Hugs,
Sharlene

[labblab]

Dear Sonja,

I will leave it to others to help with the posting of your video, because I am sadly inept in that regard. :o

But please know that we are always here for you, and will remain here with you. I think back on my grief at the point that I lost my beloved Barkis, and I remember how much it hurt. It was very hard to move forward. There were times every day when I cried. And after several weeks, when the day finally came that I didn't cry for once, I truly felt guilt. In some strange way that is hard to explain, I felt as though my tears connected me to Barkis. And if I didn't cry, I was somehow losing that connection and betraying him. I don't expect that to make sense to anybody else :o, but it was a feeling that was so strong and painful.

For me, the turning point really was welcoming our sweet baby Peg to our home. I do not, in any way, say that is time for you to add another dog to your family. But for me, that is just what helped me to turn the corner. To shift the focus of my day to this new little spirit who needed my love. I felt as though Peg expanded my heart, and that somehow -- Barkis approved.

Sonja, I know you will find your own path. It may involve another dog, or it may not. But I hope you will find a way to know that your connection with Apollo will outlive your tears. He would want you to live your life to the fullest, and he would want you to remember him with smiles. It may take a very long time. And we will stay with you in the meantime. But you are not foresaking Apollo by finding the strength to continue with your life. Instead, you are honoring him and the life spirit that shines within us all.

Marianne

[Bo's Mom]

Sonja,
Thinking of you and sending you hugs from Texas. We are all here for you.

[Roxee's Dad]

Hi Sonja,
You can set some privacy setting in You tube... I would love to see the video.


(((HUGS)))

[apollo6]

Thank you all so much for your input and support. Marianne dido to what you said. I cry everyday and fell I will lose that connection and feel guilt if I don't cry. My whole family and friends want me to get another dog. The emptiness is overwhelming. Still trying to figure if I can post the video on You tube with privacy for the cushing site only.
If anyone knows let me know please. Thanks John and everyone.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

Dearest First Friend,

I think of you each day and pray for you to find your way and I know you will. We each take our own needed time to mourn and that is okay.

And it is okay to cry or not cry. There is no right or wrong.
Did I tell yuo after I lost my beloved kitten, one year later I would be soaking in a hot tub and just start bawling out of nowhere.

Dont fight the emotions, ride them out and you will heal, Sonja. I know you are strong and brave and this too shall pass.

You will know when you are ready when the time comes to think about another pup. Only you will know when you are ready.


I love you.
(((((hugs)))

[apollo6]

tried to down load my tribute to Apollo for you to see.
Orginal music was Lucky in Love.


http://www.youtube.com/my_videos_edit?ns=1&feature=vm&video_id=I3FR8THOU0E

[Boriss McCall]

Hi Sonja,
Hope your day is going better. I tried to open you link to see the video you made of Apollo. It isn't finding the link for some reason. :(
I can't wait to see what I know will be a beautiful tribute to Apollo.
I did the same thing after my bulldog passed. I still go back & watch it on days I am strong enough or just need to cry it out.
hugs..
Amy

[MBK]

Dear Sonja,

I don't think there is any right or wrong way to the grieving process - it is what it is. A friend of mine got a puppy just two days after losing her beloved dog. She said it helped tremendously with her grief. So, everyone is different. Apollo will always be in your heart, but when you decide to get another dog, you will grow a new heart for that one. When I see and hear all the sad stories of dogs living in shelters...and then there is someone like you that has so much love to give one of them...well, I think Apollo would be proud of himself. If you hadn't loved having him be a part of your life, you would not consider having another dog. I read somewhere that the reason dogs don't live very long is that God wanted us to have the opportunity of having several of these amazing creatures during our lifetime. As others have said, you'll know when it is time.

[apollo6]

Hope this will work.


http://youtu.be/7klMKpJz4iM

[StarDeb55]

Sorry this one doesn't work either, says video is private.

Debbie

[apollo6]

link below
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7klMKpJz4iM

[gummysmurf]

Hi there I was just reading through this thread and I have to tell you that my heart aches for you and your loss. There really aren't any words. It seems to me that Apollo couldn't have had a more caring mom. I came across this quote someone posted on a pet forum somewhere, and I liked it so much I copied it down. Maybe it will give you comfort.


I think it is important to remember that our pet companions do not count time or worry about the future, we do. They’re just big gifts that come into our lives, and when we can no longer keep them reasonably happy, it’s best to let them go. I hope that time for all is later rather than earlier, and that there is maximum comfort and quality of life in between.

[apollo6]

i finally got it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7klMKpJz4iM

Thank you
IT is comforting for your support. I keep asking myself did I do right for my baby.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
I want to share my YO tube Tribute of Apollo without exposing it to the public?
Hugs Sonja and Apollo
hope this one works

[Rene]

Beautiful tribute, Sonja. I hope everyone here will get to see this before you remove it tomorrow.

Thank you for letting us be a part of your lives,
Rene & Angel Snoopie

[Maya]

Lovely, lovely video!:) Hope you are beginning to feel a little better as time goes by, Sonja.....

Hugs from Leah and Maya

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh,Sonja,

What a wonderful tribute to your sweet, sweet boy. The tears are just flowing, dropping onto my lap. Cherish each one of your memories, hold them tight, and know that Apollo holds to those same memories keeping you with him always.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[molly muffin]

Sonja, it's just beautiful and now I can't stop crying.

Super big hugs,

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Bailey's Mom]

Sonja-thank you for trying until you succeeded. What a wonderful tribute to Apollo.
-Susan

[Anniston's Mom]

Appollo's was one of the first threads I read on this forum. Doxie's are special companions. I am so very sorry for your loss, but know you were blessed by a special relationship with such a sweet soul. May you find peace.

[jmac]

Sonja,

What a beautiful tribute to your little Apollo. It brought me to tears. I hope it reminds you of all of your happy memories with Apollo. That's what he would want for you. I hope things will continue to get a little easier for you with each new day.

Thinking of you often,
Julie & Hannah

[Bo's Mom]

Awesome job, Sonja. I am sure Apollo is looking down from the brightest star and smiling at you right now.

[apollo6]

Thank you for your kind words about the video.
It is so hard without him.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[apollo6]

Dear Friends
I need to hold on to you for a while longer. The pain is still very strong. Last night I watched the Animal Planet" So Cute"
They documented puppies, dachshunds were in it. I wanted to jump into the TV lay on the grass and have the puppies jump all over me. It brought back when my Apollo was a baby.
Just trying to deal with the grief. 49 days.
My whole family wants me to get another dachie after my Mom's move.
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[lulusmom]

Hi Sonja,

If you wanted to jump into the t.v. and cover yourself with doxie puppies, then I think you need to open your heart and home to a new baby. I think Apollo would want you to do that. I believe he's looking down on you wishing his mom would dry her eyes and focus her energy on showering another baby with love, just like you did for him. He know how much you love him, he knows that he made you happy, he knows that he brought you as much joy as you brought him and he wants you to feel all those warm and wonderful feelings again.

I think once our babies cross over, they no longer live in the day and know just how short life is. Apollo knows that now and he doesn't want his mom spending her days cloaked in sadness and guilt. I know that Apollo is waiting to here you laugh again, he knows that he will always live on in your heart and he knows that your heart has lots of room for another. Sonja, I know in my own heart that there is a pup out there that has no idea what good fortune is about to come his or her way. I truly look forward to the day that you proudly and excitedly inform of us that a new baby has arrived. I can hardly wait!

(((Huge Hugs)))
Glynda

P.S. As a rescuer, I am constantly scouring craigslist because people offer free puppies and dogs. I write to these people and encourage them to a charge a rehoming fee because there are evil people who collect these free dogs and sell them to laboratories or use them as pit bull bait. By the way folks, this goes on across the country, not just in California. I was going through Craigslist this morning and saw an add for the most amazing looking doxie I think I've ever seen. I'd never heard of a piebald doxie and if I didn't have too many mouths to feed already, I would snap this cutie up in a heartbeat. He's still a baby and his name is Butters. How cute is that? Check out his pictures.

http://inlandempire.craigslist.org/pet/3287802926.html

[addy]

Now that is one cute pint size pup, Glynda:D:D:D:D:D:D

Sonja, this morning I went to visit my mother and Dogs 101 was on. They were showing MiKi puppies. One litle girl reminded me of Zoe's coloring durring her pre cush days;) I wanted that puppy in the worst way:rolleyes::rolleyes:

I have not said that or felt that in quite a while. Of course, hubby said I was nuts and so did my mom which really made me laugh because she still must be pretty with it to comment on it at all:):)

Sweet friend, sending you Sunday night love and hugs.

[apollo6]

It is nice to remember when they were little and healthy.
Sometimes I need to remind myself of the fun, happy times.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[marie adams]

Hi Sonja,

It only took me a little while to start looking for the right pup. Of course there are days I wonder why the heck we got a new baby so soon, but I wouldn't change a thing. Yes it is a little stressful to have a puppy again, but she is a year and half now and constantly plays the cute card. Do we make comparisons with Maddie--yes, but how can you not.

You will know when it's the right time. I agree that the pup Glynda found is soooo cute.

((((HUGS))))

[apollo6]

Thank you for your input.
Hugs Sonja and Apollo

[addy]

Everyone has their own inner timing regarding new pups. You will know when it is time and it is not somethnig you have to rush. Will you ever be 100% sure it is the right time? Probably not.

How are things going with your mom's move? I hope that is settling down a bit for you.

The storm is causing 30 foot waves on Lake Michigan and we are having wind gusts along the shore. We have quite a lot of older trees so we always have to worry with wind gusts, but I believe the really strong 60mph gusts are to stay off over the lake so we should be fine. I just wont walk Zoe much today, I always fear something will blow in her eyes:eek::eek::eek:

Oh Sonja, I love you sweetie and I am here holding your hand. I am thinking you are upset maybe over the puppy pictures.

You know, when my cat died at home and my other office cat passed away the thought of another cat just, well I could not do it. So I looked for a dog. It took me a year to find Zoe. Now I am told Maine Coon cats are just like dogs. Maybe Karma would warm up to a kitten:):):) Just a thought.

Love ya

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sonja-
Whaddya mean hang on a little longer? Where do you think you are going?? We're here for the long haul. The good, the bad and the somewhere-in-between.

I can remember writing after the loss of Palmer about how much it hurt.....months later. About how the pain was absolutely incredible. You are walking down a well worn path and everyone understands your pain. There is no timetable to adhere to. We just all walk through all of this together. TOGETHER we can do it.

Love,
Susan

[apollo6]

Thank you all, Addy,Susan, Glynda, Molly's Mom,etc.
many leave the site after their fur ball goes to heaven. but I need you all to get me through this very difficult time. I miss Apollo every day. 53days now and it feels just like it happened today. It will take a long time to heal. Apollo will always be in my heart.
my heart and prayers go out to the victims of Sandy. such a disaster.
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Sonja, you know you've been here for a long time, you and Apollo, and hopefully we'll all be here together for along time. It's definitely not about just supporting till one gets over a loss. It's about carrying on, moving forward and family. :)

Hugs,
Sharlene

[addy]

A family sticks together through thick and thin. We are family and we are always here for you, Sonja. Family and freinds dont forget each other and my dearest wish for you is that one day, when you are ready, we will all be chatting over on Everything Else, the pain will be replaced with cherished memories that make you smile and a new puppy will have the happiest life with such a loving, caring mom.

You have so much to give all of us and furbabies.

If you dont stick around we will have to come to find you:D:D:D:D:D

[Truffa's Mom]

Ohhh Sonja I just read about Apollo, I am so sorry, those little beings are truly engraved in our souls and hearts. I saw the beautiful video and it made me cry and at the same time I enjoyed all the tender and special moments captured through out all the pics, very moving.

Please take care of yourself, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, your baby will be watching over you for sure.

Sending you warming healing hugs.

[addy]

Hi Sonja,

Big Hugs coming at you.

Always thinking of you

[BreeandDaisy]

Sorry to read about Apollo's passing. Sadly I know too well what that is like (and I have a second one with Cushings at home!). We all hope that the good memories help you through this.

Shari, Bree, and Quincy

[apollo6]

There is hope, happiness, sadness, loss, joy, grief with this disease. You fight for as long as you can.
Praying for Cindy. So many fighting this disease.
Dear Friends, I got Mom in her new apt. Now we work on organizing all her cabinets. The team we hired put everything in the wrong place.
The move kept me busy. Now the big let down.
I am not doing good. I just keep crying and miss Apollo every day.
The worst is when I come home from Mom's and as soon as I drive by the park near my home the tears start. I can be in the supermarket and the tears just flow. I was so strongly connected to Apollo. It has been 60 days and it is just like yesterday.
Mom was so sweet yesterday, she said she was proud to have Apollo as her grandson(dog). She said we will get you another to help heal your sorrow. Love you all.
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[Tundra's Mom]

Hi Sonja,

Please accept my condolences on the passing of your little baby, Apollo.
I watched your video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7klMKpJz4iM and it made me cry. I can see that Apollo had a great life, and that you did everything you could to make him comfortable and happy during his illness.

I am new here, do not know you, but I understand. My Tundra has not yet been diagnosed, and I am keeping my fingers crossed, but either way, I know what it is like to lose a dog who has been your companion and friend with whom your soul is connected. I haven't lost a dog to cushings, but I have lost a few due to other things.

It's okay to cry, tears help us heal. You will always miss him, and when you start feeling better, that doesn't mean you have forgotten him. When you are sad, do try to remember the little things he did that made you laugh. I have found that helps. (Then I end up crying and laughing at the same time.)

Your mom mentioned maybe getting another dog. You will know when/if this is right for you. Maybe putting your attention on a new pup will help. It doesn't mean that you are forgetting Apollo -- only moving forward.

I hope I don't sound "preachy". I get a bit emotional about this subject, and I just want to share my thoughts and condolences with you, so forgive me if I am off-base here.

My wish for you is for every day to get a bit better. The tears will come, as they should.

HUGS to you,
--annie

[molly muffin]

Oh Sonja, I wish I could just give you a big hug. You'll have to have a virtual one.

HUGS

I know that Apollo is watching over you. He is your own little angel now and always will be.
I do hope that you can find some sort of peace in knowing that he tried as hard as he could but that the time came and he is no longer having any of the issues he had while here on earth. Now he can run and play in the clouds. His spirit is free to be joyful and bark happily again, just like when he was young puppy. When things get over whelming, maybe that is something that you can hold on to. That now he hurts no more and has lots of energy and legs that are strong and not captured in a body that is failing him.

Don't give up sweetie. Just hang in there!

hugs,
Sharlene

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sonja-what you are going through is very normal. Do NOT feel like you should be further along in your grieving process. You will also find that getting through "firsts"-like the first Thanksgiving, etc., will tug harder at your heart. These wonderful little creatures leave such firm paw impressions on our hearts. I repeat myself, but had you not had such a wonderful, deep relationship with Apollo, you would not be having these feelings now. It's the Yin and the Yang, I guess. And Sharlene said it so well........can't you just see Apollo romping and playing in the clouds? He has not forgotten you and he does not want you to suffer very long. You and he will meet once again and what a joyous occasion it will be! Meanwhile, there is the now. A new puppy may sound great but take it from Marie and me.....it's a LOT of hard work. You will have forgotten how much is involved in a new little one. Oh yes, there are the funny maneuvers, the tricks, the surprises and the joy of a new life..........but there is also the house training, the training to walk, etc. etc. When the time is right it should be because you want a new little being in your life. You have to have that strong wanting in order to get through some of the training. Both Marie and I thought at one time that we had made a big mistake. The first 18 months were a lot of hard work. With Bailey, it can still be a lot of work, but there is much more fun and love in there now.

Meanwhile, you can be grateful that you got to experience Apollo and share his life with him. How magical is that? Get out some of those earlier pictures. Relive some of the fun, healthy past. He will always have a place in your heart. There will be room in that same heart when the time is right for a new puppy.

-Susan

[marie adams]

Dear Sonja,

Susan is so right that what you are going through is normal. We both have sad thoughts still and when those moments come it is because we loved them so much and miss them. My husband says he focuses on the good times and not the loss, but I focus on all of it. I just was talking about how it will be 2 Christmas' since we found out Maddie had cancer and then she was gone, but it isn't as hard this time.

Susan said it is hard with a new pup and it is, but I think Cindy said it...you grow another heart for the new pup, but you will still have the heart for Apollo because you both loved each other.:)

((((HUGS))))

[apollo6]

Thank you all so much. It has been so hard and painful. 65 days and I feel just as raw as ever. I am not looking forward to the holidays this year. I don't know if I can handle being home this year without Apollo. I have started thinking about another dachie. I saw a little 3 year old dachie up for adoption. But everyone says I will know when the time is right.
At the same time I feel guilty about even thinking about it. But I know no one can replace my angel. He was my one and only. I am grateful I can talk to my husband about it. We both start crying when we recall the fun times and the times he tried so hard when he was getting weaker. He was such a brave little boy. He fought so hard for me. Thank you all for your love and support. I cry everyday.
I need to be busy or my mind wonders to the loss. I am grateful that I can let it out here. God is it hard.
May you all have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sonja,

I understand the pain of this holiday season that is supposed to be full of joy. Sometimes memories of what was can take that joy away. The decorations that lighten the hearts of so many, crush mine; the stores full of beautiful things, especially the Holiday Barbies, send me running out in tears. When we lose someone who means so very, very much to us, everything changes, everything takes on new facets we couldn't know before. Our loved ones no longer suffer, Sonja. They are free of all the pain they ever knew. Now it is up to us to live in a way that honors them and their lives. And that is so very difficult to do at times when all we want to do is crawl in a hole and cry.

You will know when it is the right time for you to have another baby of your very own. One day, some tiny Soul is going to look into your eyes and you will simply know that little one has been waiting for you, and no other. Meantime, there are many you can help and in helping them, you may find you have helped yourself. Shelters always need volunteers to walk the dogs, to take them out and play with them for a little bit, just to spend time with them so they are not so scared and can get ready to be adopted. Rescues are in desperate need of foster homes. I'm sure there is a Dashie rescue close to you and they would love to have someone as loving and caring as you to help their babies. There are vehicle transports carrying pups across the country that need overnight or over weekend places to stay until the next leg picks up. You could offer your home to some of these pups as a temporary way-station. By opening your heart to these who are in such need, you might find your pain lessening just a bit, you might a find a new purpose, a new joy, a new hope for tomorrow.

But there is no rush for anything, honey. Grief has to run its course; let it. Grieve all you need, for as long as you need. This is all still so very fresh, so very raw. It may be quite some time before you are ready to face anything new and that is perfectly ok. The only rules are yours, what you need to survive and rise above. And you will survive, you will rise above this pain to find peace and joy once again.

Many hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[addy]

Take your time, sweetie, grief runs its own course.

Try to do something fun, something you enjoyed when you were a teen, maybe, something that you have not done in along time that used to bring you pleasure. Sometimes getting in touch with our inner child can allow us to live in the moment.

You will make it through this, Sonja. I know you will.

(((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

[molly muffin]

I couldn't agree more with what Leslie and Addy have already said. The holidays can suck when you are mired in grief.
Eventually this too will come to not be such a sharp grief, but more of a dull ache. The thing is, that just as every pup is different, so too is every human.
Everything comes in it's own time and that includes healing.

Hugs,
Sharlene

[apollo6]

Thank you all so much.
The holidays are so hard. I remember getting extra treats for Apollo and Karma at Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Just the other day in a store , I started crying thinking about Apollo. It has been 69 days and I still cry every night. I am having a hard time with guilt. That what ifs, the I should haves.
I went to an adoption event yesterday, but no chemistry with the dogs. I asked about the 3 dachies up for adoption, one is gone two left. I also saw another one Elroy, 3 years old. So I am hoping Apollo will give me a sign when the time is right. I am still very raw.
May you all have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

Happy Thanksgiving, Sonja. Firsts are always hard so these first holidays without Apollo will be painful for you indeed. Just look to your heart, sweet warrior, for you will find Apollo there.

[molly muffin]

Ugh, yea, first holidays. :( You'll get through though. Have faith dearest Sonja.

I am sure there are adoption events around all the time, maybe you can volunteer to help at them or something. Just so you'll have a way to share all that love in your heart.

I think that coming across that next little doggie that needs a home and have a real fit together is often like so many other things in life, it is when you aren't necessarily looking or expecting that the special one grabs that piece of your heart and begs you to share it with them for the rest of their lives. :)

No rush, no hurry, all things come together in time. When the time is right for you, you will feel it. Maybe this isn't it yet.

hugs,
Sharlene

[Bailey's Mom]

Sonja-
I wonder if it would make a difference if you stopped counting the days and instead counted the weeks. That may sound silly and maybe it is, but I don't know that keeping track of the information in so much detail is helping you. I used to cry every time I went to bed, after Palmer died. I found myself putting off going to bed because I thought I didn't want "to go there."

Palmer had this huge plush yellow duck. I bought them in batches because he loved them so much. He would play with it and after awhile he would stretch out with it with one of it's legs in his mouth. I called it his Linus blanket. On the few occasions where he felt uncomfortable, he would find that duck and just suck on its leg. It was security for him. Well, I have kept that duck, the one with his dna all over it! In the beginning when I went to bed, I held it so very close to me. It was a link for me and it gave me comfort. It wasn't until Bailey arrived that I stopped doing that and I wasn't really ready to do that. I still occasionally cry for Palmer at bedtime. I walked by a collage I have of him of the various years in his life. He was such a sweetie. I called him my sweetheart. I can remember writing on his thread about how excruciating the pain was. Now when Palmer comes to mind most times a smile comes to my face. As with our first dog, Peaches, I can still imagine feeling them on my lap. They will forever be a part of me and I was blessed to have them both come into my life.

Indeed the "firsts" are hard. The first holidays, the first missed birthday, etc. In time you will notice the crying is not quite so often. You will see a picture and you will smile at that cute little fella. You will remember him as a puppy and all of his antics.

Keep on showing up for life. You will walk through this and be better for it. You're actually doing very well, for this situation.

Happy Thanksgiving. Give thanks for the time, the years you had with Apollo.
-Susan

[molly muffin]

Sonja,

Happy Thanksgiving. Try to have a good one, enjoy friends and family.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin (eh)

[apollo6]

Thank you all
Hope you had a nice thanksgiving. Mom and I went to Walmart to return some things for her new apartment. It was fun to ask the employee's if they were ready for the stampede . One young man hide behind the counter said he was afraid of the crowd. We went out for a light dinner and afterwards drove over to see people camped out at Sears, Best Buy. No thing could make me wait outside for days. I just needed to keep busy and not think about Apollo. Even Mom said she was so used to getting in the car and holding him.
We actually drove 1.5 hours to a humane society to look at a two-four year old dachie named Samson. I wore the locket with Apollo's hair in it to have his presence there. He just was spayed the day before and was coughing a little , he lost two pounds since there. So they are going to check his health out. Mom and I fell in love with him. I hope he gets well. Part of me feels guilty the other part says Apollo will understand. I am waiting to see if his health improves.
Some days are worse then others missing Apollo. But this to shall pass.
Love you all
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Awww, Sonja. So this little guy spoke to your heart? I hope he gets well too, whether he ends up with you or not. Although I am sure that you could give him a good home and the love he needs. Apollo would be right there with you, guiding you along the way too.

Glad it was was good Thanksgiving after all. Who knows, it is that time of year, when things sort of come together.

Hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

Sweet friend, I too hope the little guy gets well. I am really glad you had a nice Thanksgiving and that things have settled in with Mom and her new digs.

Yesterday we stopped at the humane society here in town to make a donation to their "Hope Lights" . There was a cocker spaniel pug mix little girl that spoke to my heart but she was not good with kids or other dogs. It was hard to walk away from her. We looked into each others eyes and there was such a connection.

There are so many little ones needing a good home. I know Apollo will guide you to the right one.

Love ya,
Addy

[jmac]

Sonja,

I'm glad you had a good Thanksgiving and that you were able to find some enjoyment watching people line up to shop. I will never do that either! There is nothing I need that badly!

I sure hope the little guy you saw is feeling better soon. He would be so lucky to go home with you, and I know Apollo would be happy that you were saving another dog's life. Please keep us posted to let us know what happens.

Julie & Hannah

[MBK]

WOW, SONJA!!!! IF THAT IS NOT AN OMEN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!! Apollo/Samson - both Greek gods. You were wearing a locket of Apollo's hair. The god Samson got his power from his HAIR! You wanted a sign...well, I think your little Apollo may be trying to tell you something! And, to me, it does not seem to be very subtle, either! :) I got chills reading your post!

Go with your heart. It is not unusual for dogs to develop coughs in shelters and to lose weight due to the stress of shelter life. He probably will be fine. You were the love of Apollo's life and he would NEVER want you feeling guilty or sad. You have a lot of love to give and it seems to me like Apollo has led you to a little one that needs you.

[apollo6]

dear friends
Thank you all for your love and support.
the last few days have been tough. I am crying a lot thinking about how my little boy fought to the end. He struggled so in his last month.
the last few days, I have had so much anxiety and very low blood pressure 92/60 . I have had it my whole life but for some reason it is acting up again.
Samson is becoming healthy in his foster home. I am to see about the other dachie Alfsono now named Alfie. The foster mom said I could take him home for a few days to see how he does. but on the day I went to see him he would not stay in my arms.
Samson did not fight me at all when I picked him up. I have had so much turmoil in my mind, am I being disloyal to Apollo, should I give this new dog,Alfie a change and not take Samson, Am I being disloyal to Samson if I try Alfie.
should I go back and see Samson now that he is doing better.He does not bark at all?
Should I take on a new dog, when I am not feeling well, myself?
I should be feeling sure about this.Is it to soon after my babies death to even think about another dog?
I have flashbacks about how ill Apollo was the last few months. It took a lot out of me. But I have no regrets about taking care of him.
It has been 81 days since Apollo died and I did not think I would still be so raw inside.
Praying about this. MY brother was very supportive and said I should not rush into this,this is a very important decision. I should listen to my heart and not let myself be influenced into this. He will be my companion for a long time
HUgs Sonja and Apollo
HOpefully when I am strong earn,I can be more supportive of others.

[addy]

Sonja, when I went to see Zoe, she was not the dog I originally wanted and I was not sure she was "the One" but hubby wanted me to give her a chance:)

When we adopted Koko I was "sure" he was the one and when we got him home it was six months of "wild man" and I almost gave him back but we stuck it out and he is the nicest dog we ever could have wanted.

So I think we never really know how things will turn out. I think you need to spend more time with both Samson and Alfie. You dont have to bring them home, cant you visit at the foster family a few times ? Get to know both dogs and then see how you feel.

You probably have post tramatic syndrom. I did when I had to deal with my dad's death.

Sweetie, maybe if you get a pup who is a bit of a wiggle worm, your blood pressure will go up;);) Lol mine was sky high for six months with Koko.:rolleyes: And I felt disloyal to Zoe because Koko took up all my time and Zoe and I could not do the things we used to do together. But we all adjusted in the end and were happier for it.

You will make it through this, Sonja, happier days are on the horizon and that is what sweet Apollo wants for you. He does not want you to be so sad.

[molly muffin]

Hi Sonja. I'm so sorry that you are having blood pressure issues of your own. My dad had low blood pressure too. It can be very scary how weak it makes you feel, like you are going to pass out if you stand up. Maybe a nice trip to the doctor and see if you need to have any medication adjustments for it.

It is a big decision, because it is a very long commitment to take on the care and life of another for a long period of time.
I don't think there is a too soon or a wait till this much time has passed date. I think when you are ready you know it. That is how I was after my beloved Tasha passed. I'd had her since she was 6 weeks old along with my cat, they grew up together, they traveled from west coast to east coast with me, even flew and they passed away within months of each other. I couldn't get out of bed for days and all I did was cry. I didn't really think I would ever have another pet, nothing could replace Tasha and Tipsy. I felt like that for a long time. Then the house started to feel lonely and empty in a different way from the grief loneliness. It felt like it was missing a body, a heart, a spirit. I started to look at petfinder.com for the rescue babies. I knew it had to be a rescue, a dog that needed a home and love in their life. So, I looked and looked and I found so many that I wanted them all. Filled out the application, just in case, because I still wasn't sure. Then we saw molly. My husband picked her up in his arms and she was so scared she was trembling. He never put her down. He did pass her to me in the jeep so he could drive but that was it. She came home with us and is still here.

You shouldn't push yourself to take a dog. You should go back and see Alfonso, whom you felt a connection to and just say hello. You don't have to take him home, and you can see if you and Samson warm up and have a connection. There is no pressure to do anything at any time. I think you know that. I think it might be that you are putting pressure on yourself and it makes you feel a lot of anxiety. Stop it!

Just live, just smile and enjoy the little things in life. The sun is shining, it is a good day, lets go for a walk.
Stop in and see the boys (Alfonso, Samson) with no intention of do I have to make a decision. Just do it to bring a smile to your face and them a tail wag. It will all be okay. :) HUGS

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

dear Addy, Zoe , kudo, and Sharlene and Molly, yes you fur balls also.
You don't know how much you help by sharing your stories. Will see how it goes with Alfie(Alfonso) today, if I take him home for a few days. I still have Samson on my mind also.
I start a colored pencil course at the university in January. Am I crazy.
Trying to keep the business a float for a little bit longer.
Sorry I have not been on your threads lately.
It seems like this last year has hit my body full force.The fire, the loss of Apollo, my Mom's move, know continuing with the inventory on the house contents from the fire, health insurances increases that are 24% increases. Trying to be more positive , but it is not easy.
Praying for your babies and you.
with all my love and Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[addy]

I start a colored pencil course at the university in January. Am I crazy.

No way are you crazy, I think it is perfect for you. You have a talent for drawing.:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Sonja, I am so excited for you!!!!!!!

[molly muffin]

yep, What Addy said! Fantastic!

Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

I am happpy, sad and full of grief at the same time. I went to pick up. Alfie( Alfonso) today to see how he does for a few days. I don't know if Apollo is watching over me or giving me signs. Mom held the little guy in her arms all the way home.He kept looking up at me while I was driving. When we got home I took him outside ,he explored right away ,meet the neighbor dog and got accepted. I let him go in the house and case the place out. I took MOM home . ON the way back, I put him in Apollo's car seat, he relaxed and looked at me again,the way Apollo did. I got home,he followed me around the house,showed him the doggie door to use,went into my office to work. He got up on the bed behind my chair, got up on the chair, and I said he could sit on the chair. He crawled into my lap and slept.
then I started crying, thinking about Apollo. I said I hope Apollo watches over you. I feel sad at the same time.
I am to see how things go with Alfie and I feel like Alfie is saying he is safe here and feels at home. I just didn't think I would feel this overwhelming grief again. When I saw the cute fur on Alfie's belly and the white diamond shaped hair under his neck, I realized Apollo never had hair on his belly or neck until he started the Trilostane and wondered if the Cushing started along time before I was aware, that his hormones had been elevated for years. How blessed I was to have my boy for almost 14 years. to realize I will always miss him, will always love him and that I need to stop beating myself up about Apollo's illness and realize I am not replacing Apollo but giving Alfie a good life. Alfie will have his own personality. I still think about Samson, but wonder if maybe Apollo guided me to Alfie.
I will post a picture of Alfie if you want. Will see how Alfie and I do in the next few days.
Do I still go to see Simon or accept that maybe Alfie is who I am to be with. I even laughed a little today through the tears. It has been 83 days since my little boy died.

On the lighter side someone just let one in bed and it wasn't me. :eek:Was it Alfie, or Apollo giving me a sign
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

Sonja, dont overthink it. Forget about Simon right now while Alfie is home with you. Just take each moment for what it is and know you will laugh and cry.

It sounds to me that little boy is settling in just fine:D:D:D

I dont want to push you so I wont say any more:cool::cool::cool:

"HI ALFIE"

LOVE AUNTIE ADDY

[Boriss McCall]

yay! Alfie..
I can't wait to see pictures. I was sad when I got my new pup too. I think all that is normal. I hope you two bond with each other & it helps heal your heart.

[apollo6]

Thank you so much.
You are right I need to focus on Alfie. He inspected the place as all good doxie/hound dogs do. He smelled Apollo everywhere and was okay with it. He wiggled his way under the covers last night and glued his self to my side and had his head on my shoulders.
I will keep you posted. will get some pictures on Alfie.
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Hi Sonja, pictures YES!

I agree, don't over think it, just concentrate on seeing how you and Alfie get along. If you go off visiting Samson too, you're liable to end up with two dogs in the house. LOL I know I would, but I have no strength to say no to a dog in need of a home, it's why my husband hates me to go near a animal shelter, unless he's with me and really doesn't want me to volunteer at one. I think he expects he'd be living in a zoo with a bed of his own on a floor somewhere. (EXAGGERATION! I swear!)

Enjoy your day

hugs,
Sharlene

[addy]

Details, girl, we love details:):):):):):):):)

I love that he cuddles and passes gas:):)

I know I am weird:o:o

But it is just sooooooo cute:D:D:D:D

[Bailey's Mom]

Hooray! Almost a new furball member.Glued to your back in bed would do it for me. Go for it!
-Susan

[apollo6]

Thank you all, addy, sharlene(loved your comments same reason I am to afraid to volunteer at a shelter, I'd want to take home one animal a day ) and Susan.
I went to my vet to check out Adrian (after being named Alfonso, Alfie,Arial ) I just started to cry. this is the same room we were in on Augst 24,2012,when the vet said Apollo only had a few weeks left.
I almost lost it. he said it is very hard for you after having such an amazing dog like Apollo ,and he is so right. Even after losing his dog over 8 years ago, he still gets choked up. it was reassuring to validate my feelings.
Having a healthy dog makes me realize how many things I missed from Apollo after he became gravely ill.
God only knows what Adrian has gone through. He is timid and a little uncertain. The vet said we are only going to let him get comfortable with the vet today and just held and petted him. he said Adrian would be a project for me. I had Apollo since he was a baby and he was not afraid of anything,more like a fierce proud Greek God.
But the vet also said shelter dogs seem to be more appreciative of their home. he said Adrian knows he hit the jackpot with me and is bonding very well and that losing Apollo , I would need a dog who could be touched and hugged.
I will post a picture of him in everything else. It is bitter sweet.
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[addy]

But the vet also said shelter dogs seem to be more appreciative of their home. he said Adrian knows he hit the jackpot with me and is bonding very well and that losing Apollo , I would need a dog who could be touched and hugged.

Well, sister, me thinks that Adrian is the perfect project for you and I believe with all my heart it is exactly what Apollo is hoping for.

What better way to honor him?

We want pictures, girlfriend, lots of pixes. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D I get to be first Auntie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[molly muffin]

Adrian, nice name. I think that a little dog, who need a home, needs someone to love him and reassure him that he is wanted is exactly what Apollo would have wanted and what you will be happy with.
So I take it things are going well and that you and Adrian are bonding?
I'm very happy for you Sonja and for Adrian.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[marie adams]

Dear Sonja,

I am so happy for you!!! There will be tears because there will be comparisons with Apollo and Adrian. I have done it with Ella and Maddie, but it is all good.:)

Ella is a lot more affectionate than Maddie ever was so if that is what we need to get us back in the game then that is a good thing!!!

I realize how easy of a dog Maddie was compared to Ella, but her cuteness over shadows the extra work.

Just have fun with Adrian---enjoy the cuddle time!!!:D:p:);)

((((HUGS))))

[Bailey's Mom]

Adrian.........isn't that the name of one of the characters in The Godfather? Or am I STILL hearing "Stelllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaa" in my mind?:)

I like Alfie, but we will all love whatever the final name is for your new family member. :D And where are the pictures????????
-s

[BreeandDaisy]

Congratulations for welcoming in a new dog. Losing a pet is so hard. My mother used to say that the only way to fill that huge void is with another animal. I think she is right.

[addy]

No Susan, you are thinking of Rocky and Sylvester Stallone;););)

I hope things are still going well and that you are still bonding with little Adrian-Alfie and yes, Sonja, where are the pictures:):):):):):)

It has been awfully quiet on this thread;)

[apollo6]

Dear Friends,
I have decided on Arion or nick name Ario.This is the story behind the name. My husband suggested the name, I looked up its meaning. In Greek mythology, Arion was a talented poet ,who praised Apollo,the god of poetry. Arion was favored by Apollo for his poetry and music. Arion jumped off a ship to get away from robbers, was saved by a dolphin. Apollo saved him, and the dolphin died on land so Apollo immortalized the dolphin in the sky.
I will post his picture and announce it in "everything else"
Also another story, Apollo and I always looked at the baby humming birds for a few years. I had humming birds painted on his paw prints.
They stopped coming after he become so ill
Two days ago since over a year a humming bird flew in the patio flew around for a few seconds and I was startled. then on the same day, I went for a walk with Aroin and another humming bird appeared with a bright purple neck? Maybe ,Apollo was giving his blessing. I ask him to guide Arion.
LIke you said, he is not Apollo. Apollo was so intelligent, kind, regal,stuck up,loving, beautiful.
Arion has his own sweetness. Promise to post the picture today.
Seeing a healthy dog, makes me realize how much my baby endured fighting this disease. Like all your fur balls, he was so courage, strong, enduring all the hospital visits, the tests,the labs,the medications, and through it all, he still loved me. God, I miss him.
Almost 3 months and still a lot of pain. Praying for you and your furballs. Don't give up, have faith, fight for as long as you can You can not get back these moments again. I do not regret ,for one moment sticking it out with Apollo. Even during the bad times, we had our moments when, he was in his red carriage,enjoying being outside, seeing the air and sniffing .
Just some words of encouragement.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Some things just happen as they are meant to happen. This perhaps is one of them.

:)

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

meant to be is just perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D

[Bailey's Mom]

Sonja, I do believe you are sounding so much better. You're right where you're supposed to be and the hummingbirds and trying to tell you that. Welcome Arion!!!!!

Susan

[apollo6]

Could not do it without all of you.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo and his little brother Arion

[jmac]

That definitely has to be a sign. How cool! I'm so glad you had that experience, and I know Apollo is watching over you and Arion.

Julie & Hannah

[Bailey's Mom]

Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years!!!!!!!
May all of your Christmas wishes come true...
May we all stay away from any and all cliffs,
Peace and Joy to all!
-Susan

[addy]

Dearest Sonja,

Merry Christmas to you and your family. I hope Arion is nearby snuggling with you.

A special prayer for Angel Apollo who is always in our hearts.

Love you

[molly muffin]

Merry Christmas Sonja to you and Arion and family.
I hope you have wonderful holidays with your newest family member.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

Dear Addy,Zoe & Koko, Susan, Julie, Sharlene and Molly Muffin,
I hope you all had a blessed Christmas, holiday.
I am having a little set back, Christmas was very quiet, Arion made us laugh, but my thoughts went to Apollo often. Karma our other doxie seemed more quiet and sad this year, also. I sat with her hugged her and talked about Apollo. Doug and I lighted Apollo's angel candle, toasted a coffe with some whip cream in it ,hugged each other and cried. Addy knows Saturday and Sunday was ice caffe with whip cream(no ice) Apollo loved having some. I have not been able to have it since his death. Apollo is my little boy,my Angel. Arion is my love bug and little man. I miss him so much. He fought so hard for me LIke so many, he was my one and only. Yesterday, I talked to a neighbor, she said Apollo was very special, very regal, very dignified, had an air about him. Arion is sweet, timid, clings to me, loves to suggle, sits in my lap. It comforts me.
Apollo was a Greek god. He had an air about him. when he would meet another dog they had to come to him. He'd pull the covers off me in the morning to get me up. Hug your babies and just enjoy the moments, the fun times and yes the sad times, time is so precious with this disease. Once they work their way into your heart,they stay forever. pray for you all.
may you have a great new Year.
P.s. Mine will be in front of the T.V. :mad:how boring is that. Need to get a life. will be taking a colored pencil drawing class in January and started taking Zumba for baby boomers( really!)
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[apollo6]

So many have died again.
It has been over 4 months since Apollo's passing. I can not get myself to post on other threads. I miss my boy so much. I went to the doxie meet with Arion on Sunday, everyone was so nice to me. We talked about Apollo and laughed about him. Arion is not Apollo.
I felt sad that night thinking about my angel. I lite a candle for him , like I do every Monday. Arion is a great help. He fells the emptiness in the house. But I would take Apollo back in a heartbeat if I could.
Love you all.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
Keep on fighting this awful disease.

[gummysmurf]

Hugs to you. No words really, just that I understand. It is hard. We'll get through it.

[milosmom]

sonja its just me with my meka now.today is 1 month since we sent milo over the rainbow and i have to say it still is shattering to our hearts here...i miss my mi mi so much that i can't breath at times.but i have to believe he is in a place that is carefree,painfree and everlasting till we all meet again.we are all here thankfully to support.cry,scream.hug and shout our hearts out here...thankful to all present here and to our furbabies !!! xoxox

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sonja,

You were on my mind last nite and I made a note to come check on you this morning so I was really glad to see your post.

Tasha has been gone almost 2 months and I miss her like mad at times. Tash was only with me 7 months and the pain of her loss is incredible. I often think of how much harder it is for those who have years and years of memories. However, I can almost imagine what you are going through as I cannot even think of a day without Squirt - that just does not compute. Then I look at how brave, how strong you all are. You keep coming and talking to us about your sweet boy, about your grief, about your search for Arion, about going to places you and Apollo used to go, seeing folks who knew him while talking and laughing even crying over the stories, about continuing to attend to your life and family through it all. Do you know how amazing that is to me? I have a sneaky suspicion that when it is Squirt's time, I will simply implode and disappear, unable to function on even the most basic level. So to my eyes, you are doing great, honey. You are so much stronger than you know and I am so proud of you.

Your sweet boy will never, ever be forgotten here. For as long as this forum lives, so does Apollo....and we will be here for a long, long, long time. Apollo has also carved out a spot in the hearts of many of us here and he will remain there for all eternity, remembered and loved and honored.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[molly muffin]

I too think you're doing great Sonja. Of course Arion is not Apollo and while you still miss Apollo like crazy. Arion needed you and you came into his life at the right time when you needed him too.
Some things just happen like that. We don't ever forget, but somehow we seem to find the will to go on and be strong for the others in our lives who need us too.
I'm sure Apollo will always be with you.
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

oh Sonja,

There is bound to be an emptiness and a pain that just wont quit when you fight so hard for a loved one. I was watching a program the other night and the Queen of England was speaking after 9/11 and she made a statement something to the effect that we have grief because we have love.

Our pups are our children and our children are not supposed to get sick and leave us.

Leslie has written such beautiful words to you and I wish I would not have had such a crazy day today so I could of written to you sooner.

No, Arion is not Apollo but little by little you will let him into your heart and you will grow to love him and the bond will be strong and it will be like Marianne says, the circle of love complete.

[Maya]

Dear Sonja. I Know exactly how you are feeling.... it's going to take a while...a long while before things will start to 'normalize.' I find it very hard coming to the forum at times because it provokes a wave of grief accompanied by an uncontrollable bout of sobbing. It's been just over two months since our precious Maya crossed the bridge and although some days are tolerable, others are very difficult to get through. I cannot stop thinking of that last day when I basically lead her to her death. Her little trusting face looking up at me and she had no idea of what I was about to do. Although I believe that it was the right thing to do, that feeling of guilt is absolutely crucifying and it torments me far too often... Maya was like a child to me. Although I have my husband, I do not have any children of my own nor family who love me, so you understand the kind of deep bonded relationship I had with that little dog. Now she has gone and left a huge gaping hole in my heart. Sometimes it feels like I will never get over it and the desperation and emptiness is overwhelming...but I will be alright and so will you... we just need time to mourn and adjust to life without our little furry companions.
May God bless you and give strength...
Hugs, Leah

[apollo6]

thank you for your kind words.
It has been almost 5 months since Apollo's passing. It is gettting a little bit better. But I still cry alot for the little boy I so loved and had such a bond with. I miss him so much. If I did not have Arial(changed the name again) it would be even more difficult for me. Like said, he was my child,having never had children and a very small family, he was everything to me. I still have a lot of guilt, what did I do wrong, why didn't I catch things. Love you all
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[NoonelovesmelikeNorman]

I am sorry about Apollo and Maya and the many others so far this year...I cry, actually sob, every time I read about one of our pupps losing the cushings fight.

I am so grateful for this forum as I beleive I am gaining knowledge on how to procede and preparation for me to deal with Norman's eventual crossing...Although I hope it is years, financially, I dont see that happening, Norman is not showing much improvement.

I thank each of you for your words as I learn from all of your experiences and strength you have shown through the journey with your pupps.

Peace and blessings,

Sharon

[addy]

Hi Sonja,

I'm so glad you posted. Ariel is a nice name, I like it. Our kitten had about six names. My sister-in-law told me I was giving the cat a complex:D Funny thing is , she reponded to all of them, the cat I mean, not my sister-in-law:D:D;)

Continue to take one day at a time, mourning is different for everyone and there is no right or wrong length of time to grieve.

How is the Zumba? Did you sign up for the art classes? I sure hope so, you have a talent.

We are still here with you, sweetie.

[molly muffin]

Hey Sonja! So glad to see you on here. It's been awhile. Ariel, cool name. Does he feel like an Ariel to you?
So tell us how you've been and what you've been up to. :)

Miss you,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

Dear Addy , Zoe(always in Apollo's heart watching over you),Sharlene and sweet Molly.
Still not sure about the name for Ariel. He does have some emotional issues, gets scared at noises, and big dogs, doesn't like crowds, but working on it. So far the litttle rascal has eaten through a leash, one of Apollo's harnesses, tried to eat his name tag off, doesn't like collars working on that. Everyone says he is a cutie. He may be less than 2 years old. I forgot the energy level of a pup. He clings to me for life. He is such a help with dealing with Apollo's loss. Yes the moments come and I just start crying.
Haven't kept up with the Zumba classes. I started an art class, will post the still life I did. Still working on the fire contents, 9 pages alone on the kitchen- 25 years of a life is a lot. Thinking about you all and praying both your fur balls are well. Glad Cindy has a Baily. After Apollo died, did not think I would get another . But the joy outweighs the sadness and loss. In a way it keeps my angel Apollo alive with memories.
May you all have a loving Valentines Day.
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Hi Sonja,

I wonder if "Ariel" isn't an A name dog and if that is why you are having trouble figuring out what really fits him. Maybe he is a Pan or a Zeus (sticking with the greek gods)
It's always interesting to speculate. :)
I am glad that he (whomever he may turn out to be) is helping. He does sound mischievous!

Hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sonja-
I just wanted to let you know that I have had similar feelings with the loss of Palmer and then the arrival of Bailey. I still sorely miss Palmer and it has been over two years now. We had a special connection. Bailey is an entirely different pup but I do find feelings of love washing over me with Bailey now. There will always be room for both in your heart. One does not replace the other. I do think a new pup helps ease the loss of another pup.

It does get "easier."
-Susan

[MBK]

Hi, Sonja.

I am so happy to hear you got another fur baby. I only had one child and I always wondered how anyone could love a second child as much. Someone told me for each child you grow another heart. I think that is the same for our fur babies. Ariel (or whatever you decide his name should be) will have a heart of yours all his own. It will take nothing away from the love you had for Apollo. Ariel will have his own personality and you will love him for himself. I think it is an honor to Apollo that you have chosen another dog that needs your love. You aren't replacing Apollo - you never could - but, you are allowing yourself to love another sweet little one that needs your love. That's a really good thing! :)

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your input.
It is almost 5 months and I still struggle with Apollo's loss. I kept having so much guilt that I should have done more or did the wrong thing by him. The skin infection got so bad, and the stomach issues, once he was on the Ivermectin.
You may be right about the A name because of Apollo, still trying to decide on Arial? Just wanted to check in. Miss him so much.
Hugs Sonja and Apollo
My art teacher and family think I should draw Arial to help me.

[scoora]

Sonja-I know exactly what you're saying about the guilt. I know that is something that's is going to haunt me. It is so nice to hear about your new little furbaby. Hope things get a little easier. Big hugs.

[addy]

Sonja indeed Angel Apollo was watching our for his Zoe and kept her safe yesterday, no doubt about it.

Ariel is just the perfect tonic for you, exactly what you need now. The love will come, it may feel different but it will grow and blossom.

You fought long and hard for your little boy. There are battles we sometimes cannot win. Apollo would want you to be at peace now.

hugs and love and a request:

I want to see more pictures of Ariel.:):):):):)
AND your drawings:):):)

[molly muffin]

Sonja, there comes a time when you just have to let go of those feelings of angst and concentrate on the good things that were Apollo. The love and fun and laughter and then you take those really good warm snuggling feelings and share them with Arial (?) teaching him what a warm, safe, loving home and mommy feel like. Apollo gave you all the tools to use to do that. He is his own legacy, left with you to share with others. I really think that our little ones bring positive messages into our lives and that sharing those positive things, is one of the ways that they continue to live in our in our hearts and minds.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

Dear Addy and Sharlene
Thank you so much for your words and comfort. It is going to be a struggle for me. Almost 5 months. I went to my holistic vet with Arial. We talked about Arial's emotinal issues, his fears, anxiety and how to overcome it. He said ARial has come a long way since the last time he saw him. We talked about Apollo. He said Apollo had an old soul, so much intellegience and wisdom. It will take time with Arial. I need to work through the guilt. I feel like I let him down. So I keep coming back for your reassurance.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
I will post some pictures of Arial. I did post one of my drawings. TRied to do one of ARial, but the pain is still too strong. Maybe down the road.

[molly muffin]

We're always here Sonja :) I love the pictures you posted. I feel like Arial has so much to say and just doesn't quite know how to say it yet. I think with your love and guidance he can one day become the dog that he wants to be. He just needs to feel safe to do that. You can give him that.
There is nothing that anyone could have done more for Apollo than you did. That is the one thing that you can be sure of and need have no guilt over. There are over 100 pages of posts that you can look back through at any time and know that is true.

Hugs dear,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

I love the pixes:):):) Your drawing is wonderful and Ariel looks like a happy boy.

I'm not sure how you will get over the guilt because it is misplaced. You did everything you could. Myabe you can write down details of your guilt. Then go back to your thread and see it is not maybe how you remember it. But that might be too painful.

I'm hoping one day, it will just go away on it's own.

We are always here for you sweetie and I dont mind reasurring you at all.:):):) Glad to it!!!!

Now go give that cute little one a big cuddle from me

[apollo6]

Dear Addy and Sharlene
Once again thanks for the encouragement. Yes it has been difficult. But when you love so deeply it takes time.
Arial is a new bag of tricks. The vet says he seems unsure and uncertain at times, maybe some lessons to help give him more confidence. I hope I don't have to go to a therapist about his issues.:rolleyes: Maybe Apollo is looking down and saying I need to keep you busy Mommy. Thinking and praying for you all .
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

I will always think that the very best therapist is you. :) I bet Arial knows that too.

hugs,
Sharlene and MollyMuffin

[addy]

Hi Sonja,

Geez, do we have the snow:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

What the heck was wrong with that ground hog, did someone slip him a nip of whiskey or something?

Sweetie, I am glad Ariel needs you, you are perfect for him. Apollo had to have sent him to you.:):):):):) I can so picture you cuddling and reassuring him.

I LOVE YOUR DRAWING:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

hang in there sweetie, you are doing just fine!!!!:):)

and we will always be here for you


smoochie doggie kisses to Ariel and hugs to you

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Sonja,

I see you popping in from time to time. How are you doing? Hope you are healing and finding joy with Ariel.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

PS. Tell Rene I said HI!

[molly muffin]

We think of you often too Sonja and hope that you and Ariel are doing well.

Tell us all when you get a chance.

Hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Budsters Mom]

Thank you so much Sonja for reaching out to me. :) I have your contact information readily at hand. I'm sure to be nagging you very soon!:confused: It is obvious that Angel Apollo is still watching over you and guiding you in all your pursuits. I can learn so much for you! I am extremely grateful for your insights, wisdom and support.:)

Kathy and Buddy:)

[addy]

check your pm , I'm late to the dance:);)

[apollo6]

My dear Friends
Thank you for all your love and support. Arial is a handful. I am going tomorrow to learn about dealing with his anxiety and fears. He is getting better with interacting with people and still working on dogs. I hope I don't have to take him for therapy . He will have to find a job to pay for it.:D Apollo was very soft and easy going. He was very reserved with even a touch of his noise to your face. Arial is anxious , obsessive licks me, and wants to be in my lap all the time.
Today I bought him a new bed for the kitchen. I thought I could throw Apollo's old toren bed away. Not today. I started hugging his old bed and just started crying. So not today.
Sunday, Mom cam over and we watched Life with Pi, a beautiful movie, a lot of meaning. Arial made us laugh, he would go over to Mom try and lick her face, than he would go over to me and try the same. He finally settled under a blanket on my lap. I am not used to an active dog. He is helping me deal with Apollo's loss. But I have my moments when I cry, 7 months now.
HUgs Sonja and Angel Apollo
P.s. I am trying to get Arial used to a carrier so I can fly up to Reno. My luck, I'll be on You Tube as the crazy lady running around the plane after the howling little dog!!!:eek::D What a sight that would be.

[molly muffin]

Hi Sonja,
So great to hear from you. Arial just has his own little unique personality. He'll train you in no time I'm sure. :)
He sounds like an adorable, funny little guy. Maybe a few issues but time and working with him should fix him up just fine.
How is that carrier training going? :) Don't want to be seeing you and Arial on the evening news. Well, okay, I kinda might want to see you two but only in a funny way, not a, holy mackeral sort of way!!

hugs Sonja, belly rubs to Arial. Miss you guys,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[addy]

awww I want to see the Pi movie, dang we were never able to go see it in 3D.

I'm glad Arial makes you laugh and I would watch the Utube video of chasing him around an airport:D:D;)

Baby steps, sweetie, I still have my dad's old shirt and car license plates stuck in my bottom drawer and it has been 13 years this June.
My Tinker cat's bowl is still in the cupboard too and we still hang up her stocking every Christmas.:):):):)

You give our Arial a really big lick back from me:D:D:D

[apollo6]

Dear Addy and Molly
Your input is always helpful. I pray your little ones are doing well. Each day is a blessing.
Hugs Sonja, Angel Apollo and Arian.

[apollo6]

Thinking about all of you.
Struggling with Arial's anxiety and fears. I miss my Apollo everyday. Keep feeling I should have done more for him. Hubby says I did more than most. I know it is different with Arial. Everyone said the bond between me and Apollo was so special. I miss him so much. Almost 8 months and the loss is still so great.
Hugs Sonja , Angel Apollo and crazy boy Arial( or should I say lover boy)

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Sonja,
It is great to hear from you! :) I have had several fur babies pass through the rainbow bridge. I know what you mean by that special bond! I definitely have that with Buddy, but I didn't feel quite the same about the others. I loved them, but we were not soul mates. Buddy has a way of looking into my soul and always knowing what I'm thinking.:o. Apollo is one in a million! Sounds like it's was the same with You and Apollo. Remember that he is always with you where it matters most, in your heart!
Love and Hugs,

Kathy and Buddy:cool:

[Fellasmom]

Hi Sonja
Thanks for such a nice note on Fella's page.I'm so sorry about Apollo,it's so hard when we lose them.I still get teary eyed taking out Kelsey's stocking and its been 7 years!

I've just started reading thru all the threads here but it seems you have a new pup Arial!Don't be surprised if she wasn't hand picked for you by Apollo.:).My Kelsey was so sweet,so soulful and sounds alot like your Apollo.Grace came as a pup as I needed to pour all that love I had in my heart into another pup.She was a monster!!Friends would laugh and tell me that Kelsey sent this one to me to distract me,infuriate me and take all my attention and often times,patience!:).I was devastated but had this monster prevented me from dwelling in my own grief cuz she was always up to something!And somewhere in all that mess,I fell in love with her!:).

So,thanks again for stopping by Fella's page and sharing your kindness especially since you are grieving as well for your baby Apollo.Good luck with your new baby Arial!
Love,
Patty

[NoonelovesmelikeNorman]

Hi Sonja! Thinking of you. Hang onto Apollo's bad as long as you need to or try to find someone to make something out of a piece of it for you to always have.
Happy to hear about your new little Lover boy, Arial. Sorry to hear about his anxiety and fears. Transitions are difficult for all of us...and pupps can't express their fears..we just have to figure them out. He is blessed to have you and your love.

Take care,

Sharon, Norman and Millie

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your kind words. It has been over 8 months since Apollo's passing and I still cry on and of. You may be right about Apollo picking Arial for me. With his shinning,howling, anxiety and fears he keeps me busy and overwhelmed at times. My Angel Apollo is looking down on me and laughing saying I told you I was one of a kind. He was friendly,sweet, a little reserved with his kisses,loved to lye with me on the couch and just look at me. I miss him so much.
Thinking and praying for you and your fur balls. I could not have gotten through this without you.
hugs Sonja and Angel Apoll

[apollo6]

Dear Apollo it is 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. Tonight was a hard one. I cried a lot thinking about you. Wanting to hold you in my arms. I still have guilt on what could I have done to save you. You weigh heavily on my mind. I miss you baby. It has been almost 8 months and the pain is still so strong. I try to think of the precious moments we had. You tried so hard to stay here for me. I keep blaming myself, what could I have done to save you. Then I try to comfort myself by saying you would have been 14 less than a month when you died. How it was important for me to hold you when you let out your last breath. Always in my heart. Mommy
Sonja

[Mel-Tia]

Hey Sonja

I have no real words to make that pain go away as its so real for me too. Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug

Mel
Xxxxx

[Trish]

HI Sonja, I don't think I have posted to you before but to send you a big hug in the middle of the night alongside Mel. We mentioned you tonight, how you have been so kind to another of our members here, it is great to see how connected the members here are. I hope you got back to bed and some rest tonight. Sleep well :)

[addy]

I know how hard it is, Sonja. My Hoppy cat was so special to me and when I lost him I had nightmares about him for many years. Those bonds are so strong, sometimes it take a long, long time for the tears to stop, hopefully they become less frequent.

You did everything you could for you little boy. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control; no matter what we do, we cant fix the problem.

If you could wave a magic wand and go back in time, what would you have done differently? The differences are now influenced by the knowledge you have of the final outcome.

Sonja, we dont now how long the cancer was in Apollo's tummy, just not yet found. As with my Zoe, I dont know yet if the masses on her spleen and liver are benign or malignant. The vets told me, I'll find out, to put it bluntly to me and could be responsible for her currrent troublesome symptoms.

hugs and love and I hope today you share a Sonja Super Sunday Special with your new little boy for he needs his new mama very much.

[molly muffin]

Hi Sonja!! So glad to see you. Some days are just probably always going to be harder than others. Grief doesn't just go away, it sort of finds that little spot in our hearts and when you least expect it, hick, a catch in your breath and the tears flow.
Hugs
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your love and support.
Sonja and Angel Apollo and Arial

[Squirt's Mom]

Crys has been gone three years this June and I still find myself rolling over at night and reaching for her. The tears still come, sometimes out of the blue when I see or hear something that reminds me of her. But there are many more times that I smile or laugh at the memories instead of crying and I hope you find those times more and more yourself as time passes. It's never easy to lose a love and your love for Apollo is immense...as is his for you.

[Budsters Mom]

Good morning Sonja,
I got your email, thank you.:) Buddy's regular vet isn't much help.:( That is why I need to find him a competent IMS who doesn't charge a fortune. Yes, the vet specialty hospital in Sorrento Valley is where they wanted $3500 for an MRI. I am still looking for a more reasonable alternative. With help from all of you angels, I'm sure we will find something soon.:)
I know that you miss Apollo terribly. I have lost precious babies in the past, so I know how heartbreaking it is. It does get easier in time. Right now Arial needs you. He is another blessing. :)

Hugs,
Kathy and Buddy:cool:

[maria]

I am so sorry for your loss. I read all your posts and Apollo couldn't have asked for a better mom. You did all you could and more in a very difficult situation. Sometimes we just have to accept that we can't fix everything. I went through a similar experience with my favorite dog of all so I feel your pain.

He knew he was loved. We wish they could be with us forever but we have to remember that they are all on loan to us from God and put in our stewardship until He calls them home again. Apollo got his wings before you but you will be together again someday. I will be praying for you that God grants you peace in this difficult time.

[KennyJ]

I am new to the forum but just read your post. Here I am an ex football player crying my heart out. I know the pain you are going through. I am finding the older I get the more emotional I am. I love my little dog so much. Never having any kids she and I are close. Prayers going your way.





Dear friends
I am crying inside. Today at 1p.m. my sweet Apollo died in my arms. I felt something was wrong with Apollo this morning, his body was getting cold. I drove over to my mother's Mom held Apollo for awhile, and I just had this need to hold him. Apollo looked at me , signed and died into my arms.
Hugs Sonja and my angel Apollo

[doxiesrock912]

Ah Kenny,
get used to it. The people on this forum write so well that you'll feel as though you're there!

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sonja-it's nice that you're talking about your feelings. I still get surprised by tears for Palmer but it is much less often now. Bailey is 28 months old now and is a very different personality. Palmer was a very different personality from Peaches. Each one is very special in their own way. Arial will become very special to you with time. One does not replace the other but I do think that one can help ease the pain from the loss of the former. It is because they meant so much to us and because we loved them so very much that we experience such deep pain. We're very silly people, we doggie lovers......we suffer such huge losses and then we turn around and get another little puppy and set ourselves up to go through the same thing all over again in another 12 - 15 years. It's a good thing we have this forum to come to!

-Susan

[molly muffin]

We're very silly people, we doggie lovers......we suffer such huge losses and then we turn around and get another little puppy and set ourselves up to go through the same thing all over again in another 12 - 15 years. It's a good thing we have this forum to come to!


That would be us! :) I think it is because our fur-babies teach us so much about unconditional love that when they leave us, it leaves a huge hole in our lives that we want to fill with that same kind of love.
The personalities may be different, the breed may be different, they won't look alike or act alike, but the love, the love is the same.
To them, we are everything, for some of us, they too are everything.
An animal/human love, I think is representative of everything that is pure and good in this world.

HUGS,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Fellasmom]

Hi Sonja
Thanks for your kind thoughts and words on Fella's memory page.I'm so sorry that you are going thru the same with the loss of your dear Apollo.I keep waiting for it to get easier but it's such a loss!
Sharlene-I loved how you described the love we share with them.It's perfect and explains exactly what I feel but can never put into words!
I hope Arial is keeping you busy and smiling.Hugs to you both and so nice to hear from you.
Patty

[apollo6]

It has been 8 months since I lost you, my little angel. And it is still tough. I keep going back and thinking I should have had an ultrasound sooner than I did. Because I knew something was wrong. Why did I start you on that insecticide's, you just could not take all of the potions, the constant antibiotics. Was I not giving you the right dosage of Trilostane. I am still struggling with the guilt. Could of , would of, should of. My baby, I love you so much. You were my proud prince. Arial is different.
You were quiet,,intelligent, reserved, arrogant, willful, courageous, beautiful.
Arial is very insecure, anxious, fearful, uncertain. I am trying so hard to support him and reassure him. But I often think about you and how easy is was with you. I had you as a baby, Arial is a rescue. God only knows what Arial went through.
People tell me his is becoming more confident. It is different.
May favorite picture is of you behind me on my chair while I am working and you put your paw on my back to get me to stop working. So many loving memories. I will post the picture under Apollo's last stand.

[Budsters Mom]

I love the photo of sweet little Apollo. It's as if he is saying, "okay mom, enough work, time to play. Adorable! :)

Hugs,
Kathy and Buddy:cool:

[apollo6]

It has been almost 9 months since my Angel Apollo died. I miss him every day. The pain is always there. I try to remember the love, the fun, the joy. But the loss and pain comes back. I know with time it will lesson, but not today. I pray for all your fur balls and you. Apollo was my one and only.
It is a struggle with Arial. He has a lot of anxiety, and fears. Apollo was the strong , regal little man. He fought so hard for me. I still have so much guilt. My baby , I love you so much. Give your fur balls a big hug for me.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
p.s. and Apollo's little brother Arial.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Sonja,
Just popping in to send you tons of love,:):):p

Hugs,
Kathy

[Altira]

Hi Sonja,
Time does heal. I swear it does. Hold your head high and gaze into the distance and know that you have servived something that is to me the worst possible thing. It's a testament to the value of a dog and they are worth it in my opinion. I do it over and over even knowing where it will lead.

Janis

[apollo6]

it has been nine months since your passing.

My sweet little angel. Not a day goes by that you are in my thoughts.
You fought so hard and strong for me. All the love and prayers I said everyday did not save you. I drive by places we went and the tears just flow.
You made me laugh, you made me love, you made me care.
The nights are the worst.
1998, when I got you , I knew nothing about dogs. Because of you , I fell in love with dogs, noticed animals more than before. I was so scared to take care of you. And then it happened, you worked your way into my heart and have never left. You ate my new shoes and all I could do was laugh. You followed me everywhere. I'd dance with you and you just looked at me and said okay. You were very reserved with kisses, lucky to get a touch from your nose. So smart to learn a new command. Very regal when you meet another dog. They had to come to you first, after all you are the king. You loved to play with your toys. I'd throw the ball and you'd run away with it and put it in your dog house, no way would you bring it back to me. Your idea of a walk, was me driving you on a trip. You loved looking out the window in your car sit. I cannot believe you are gone. I look at your pictures every day. My beautiful little boy.
Love Mom
Sonja

[Altira]

Fond memories. "Going on a trip with me in the car". Lucky dog gets to go! :-) reminds me of my Sasha. 2 1/2 hours to the desert house and she would look out the window the whole way. Even at 14 1/2 yrs old. But that was so long ago. I lost my Sasha 13 years ago. But she still lives in my heart. The essence of all of them still live in my heart. They were my children. Of course they do. As will yours. As many others who feel the same way.

My Sasha was very regal too. She was a queen. And queens don't play! You don't hug a queen either. She would look at me and my PMS and I could hear her saying to me, "you are being ridiculous!" Damn and she was right! Looking out the car window I could hear her thinking "I could run this fast!" Just days before we let her go, she came over to me and fell into my lap. I held her for two hours. The most precious thing she ever gave me.

[addy]

Hugs sweet friend. Sometimes we can take a long time to heal.

Please come back and let us know how everything else is going in your life. How is little Ariel? Have you taken him on the plane yet?

I think about you often and hope there are times of laughter in your life. How is your mom? How is little Karma?

hugs again

[Fellasmom]

Hi Sonja
Just checking in to let you know you were in my thoughts.Love hearing your wonderful stories about Apollo.You are both in my thoughts.
Patty

[milosmom]

hi sonja i also am passing by to say hi and hope your heart is less broken.know that your litl apollo is with you.always look at those pictures they are the best medicine to put a smile on your face and in your heart....blessings patty(milo)meka xoxox

[apollo6]

Thank you all for your kind words. Missing my baby everyday.
Little Arial is a handful with his anxiety and fears. He is getting better, but unpredictable . Little children scar him.
Apollo is in heaven looking down and saying," Now you know what an angel I was". Arial will keep you on your toes and help you with your grief." I could take Apollo anywhere and everyone loved him. He fought right to the end. I wish I could have stopped this awful disease in it's tracks. But to this day 2008 in the emergency ward, what ever the vets did to him was the beginning of this disease. His little body was subjected to so many medications that his belly turned black and he had hives afterwards. I think he had been bitten by a bee earlier that day, face started swelling and he could not breath. I know I can't change it and I need to forgive myself. I loved that little guy with all my heart and soul.
Praying for all of you. One day for there to be a cure for this awful disease.
Hugs Sonja, Angel Apollo and his crazy little brother Arial.
p.s. our other little doxie Karma just turned 14 and is doing great.

[Budsters Mom]

Sonja,
It was so nice to hear from you.:) I'm glad that all is well with your pups. Big hugs to all and happy Birthday to Karma,
Kathy

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
It is so nice that you keep in touch with all of us. I to pray there will be a cure for this disease some day. It robs you of your baby, and your soul. I don't think I have ever dealt with anything this awful, not even cancer. God Bless you and your baby in heaven.
Patti

[molly muffin]

I'm so glad that Karma is still doing well. I am sure Arial does keep you on your toes. It's hard to tell what kind of life he might have had before, or that any of fur babies had before us, but they do seem to come with their own anxieties which we are here to help them with. I'm sure that as time continues to pass that Arial will continue to do better too.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[apollo6]

Dear Sharlene and Molly
You are such an angel.
It has been 10 months since Apollo's passing and it seems I am going through a rough patch. Been doing a lot of crying missing him a lot.
It will take as long as it takes. It just hits me when I am more stressed out. I used to hold Apollo and talk to him when I was struggling with things. My baby is so deep in my heart.
Love you all think about you a lot.
Hugs Sonja, Angel Apollo and Arial( my crazy little boy)
Talk to Apollo a lot to look out for Arial.

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Sonja,
It is wonderful to hear from you. :) I know how much you miss Angel Apollo, because I lost Buddy 11 days ago. There is no timelines on these things. Sending you great big hugs and lots of love. Please come back and fill us in on Arial regularly and keep talking to us. It helps.

[MBK]

Hi, Sonja!

Good to hear from you, although, I am sorry you are still having a difficult time. I understand about Apollo being your first dog...Alivia, too, is my first.

Glad to hear Karma is doing well. It sounds like the new little Ariel keeps you on your toes!! ;)

Hugs to you all!

[lucygoo]

Sonja.....I'm so sorry to hear of your baby's passing. I have not been on here lately....my bad! I know from your posts you gave him the best life ever, and you were there for him always. Take care and will light a candle for your precious Apollo:)

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
My heart aches for you as I read your post. May God give you strength to go on without your precious Apollo. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

Hi Sonja,

I am so happy to hear from you. Grief has it's own time frame. I still cant look at actual photos of cat. Somehow we go on with our lives.

Hubby asked me why I stopped writing Zoe's book. He wants me to finish it. I told him I cant, remembering the good times before Cushings is too painful for me. I cant write them down, only snippets here and there.

So if my anticipatory grief is that strong, I can only imagine how strong your grief is.

Hugs and kisses to Ariel, say hi to your Mom and give Karma hugs and kisses too.

[doxiesrock912]

Sonja,
I still have moments when I cry for pets that I lost many years ago.
We love them all and each has a special place in our hearts.

Simple things will remind me of something and the tears flow but we make it through those times and I try to focus on the good memories. xoxo

[apollo6]

Kathy, Angel Buddy and Rosebud
Mary Beth and Alivia
Tipper and Tipper's Mom
addy, zoe and koko
Valerie
To all of you. I am so sorry for the loss of Buddy. I have pieces of Apollo everywhere in the house. I did throw out many of his medications in angry and rage. But I cling to what is left of my boy. I can not throw his things away just yet. I sniff his locket of hair often.

Like you Addy, I tried to start writing a book about Apollo's and my journey with Cushing , after 3 pages, he got sicker and it was to painful for me to continue. But my dear friend, some day we need to share our experience and hope to guide others going down this path.
To all of you thank you.
Arial is a bag of tricks. He knows I am here for him, and somehow we will overcome his fears and anxieties together. Love you all.
Hugs Sonja, Angel Apollo and Arial.
Once our fur balls get into our hearts , they are there to stay.
I wrote that when Apollo died a part of my heart and soul went with him. He was not just a dog, but my baby.
I can give others support when I am stronger. But I can not tell them what to do. This disease is like a snake in the grass. You never know what to expect and when it will rear it's ugly head and so many complications. You just have today. Enjoy each day with them as it comes and let them know how much you love them. For you see they will try to fight for you as long as they can because of the love between the two of you.

[goldengirl88]

Sonja:
Only other animal lovers can truly feel the way you do and understand the depth of your love for sweet Apollo. I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I know what you mean about smelling the lock of hair. I put my face on Tipper every day and smell her sweet scent. I never want to forget that smell as long as I live. Blessings
Patti