Zoe By My Side- Our Journey with Cushings

[Budsters Mom]

Just rejoice in your miracle Addy. Don't try to explain it, just embrace it! You are not crazy. You are dearly loved and will always be. Your sweet girl is letting you know that she is okay. Xxxxx

[Tina]

Oh Dear Addy, you are not crazy. I agree with Sharlene, you were blessed with a special gift. A sign from your sweet girl. I am thinking about you today as always, and hope your Friday goes smoothly and then we can head in to the weekend.

Love and hugs,
Tina

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh Addy, I believe Zoe stopped by to say her final good bye to you on her way over to rainbow bridge and you were blessed enough to have recognized it. Your sweet little girl is watching over you and know that she always will. I'm praying that your incredible pain will ease with time. May be a long time. Thinking of you and sweet little Zoe.

[Squirt's Mom]

You're not crazy at all! Several religions believe that the Spirit remains earth-bound for a certain period of time, allowing the deceased to visit their favorite places, heal old wounds, and say their final goodbyes, imparting a sense of completion and peace for all. In my mind, you have been extremely blessed!

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
You are not crazy and I am glad you can feel Zoe's presence. It must be very comforting to you. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

It brought such joy and peace that now I can face today.

Do you all remember, when I bought my pups the puzzle toys a few Christmases ago and Zoe solved her puzzle by picking it up in her mouth and bashing it against the cupboard and floor until the treats fell out? And Koko could not solve his puzzle.

This morning, hubby leaves for work early so I have a few minutes alone with Koko before I have to put him in the kitchen.

I saw the puzzle toy laying under the table so filled it with treats and guess what!!!????


Koko solved his puzzle just now and he did it the right way:D:D:D

So now Koko and I can play puzzle.

[My sweet Ginger]

Ooooh, Koko is stepping up to the plate. He just needed maturity, patience and smartness he's learned from Zoe over the years over his shoulder. I'm so glad he made your day.:)

[molly muffin]

That is so much fun for you and Koko to look forward to.
I am hopeful that gift Zoe bestowed upon you, Her person, carries you through this hard time.

love
sharlene

[doxiesrock912]

Maybe Zoe showed Koko a trick before crossing over?
Could be that you weren't the only one she visited.

[addy]

Oh Valerie- I love that:D:D:D:D

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Just thinking of you, and Koko, and your hubby. I don't know how you are doing it, but you are very brave going to work. I am sure Zoe is looking down and proud of her courageous mom. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
How cute. Maybe Zoe is guiding Koko. Anything is possible.
Sending you love and support.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
When Zoe died I felt like something was missing, even though I never met her, every time I see a Lhasa Apso, my heart skips an extra beat.

[Trixie]

So happy you felt Zoe's presence with you and she gave you comfort. I agree with Val...I think Koko had a visit as well. What a sweet thought.

Barbara

[Mel-Tia]

Hey you

Sorry I haven't been about the last couple of days things went wrong on a system earlier in the week and they neglected to tell me so it was a scramble to get it fixed!

I read about Koko and his puzzle, how cool is that, I am sure they sense and know a lot more than we give them credit for.

I hope you and Hubby are ok and hanging in there as best you can.

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxxx

[addy]

We knew today would be hard. We finished our chores then drove across town to our favorite little french bistro. We have not been there in a long, long time. We had lunch (crab cakes benedict) which we could not finish and ordered bean soup to go so we have dinner and we stopped to purchase a fresh baquette on the way home to go with the white bean soup.

Koko seemed a bit freaked out locked up in the kitchen while we were gone today. It seems to bother him more when I am home or the one locking him up rather than hubby. He is such a mama boy.:rolleyes: I worry about his seperation anxiety coming back.

I looked around the restaurant and told hubby he and I look like the walking wounded. :( We both look so tired and drawn.

We are to get 4" of snow later today so we are glad we were able to get out for awhile before the bad weather comes again. At least it is not below zero today.:):):)

Love you all

[MBK]

Loved reading about Koko solving the puzzle! It is his time to shine. Zoe passed him the torch and will now be watching over him.

Sending hugs to all of you.

[Squirt's Mom]

Grief is strange. When my daughter died a friend, who had also lost her daughter several years prior, told me that the third year had been the hardest of all for her. I thought then how deep her grief must have been to find that the worst time was so long after her child had left. I couldn't imagine anything feeling worse than that immediate sense of loss. But she was right. The third year was very tough for me. Perhaps because those first two I was in some other place. Squirt's diagnosis brought me back to real life, it woke me up and I had to face reality, turn away from the deep burning pain that had been my only, all-consuming truth. I had to face the fact that my child was truly gone and all that meant. I made it through that year and thought - ok, the worst is over. It wasn't. Not by a long shot. The fifth year was pure hell. I once again found myself reaching for the phone to call Gia and tell or ask her something - then remembering all over again. And every time I remembered, I was transported back to those very first raw gasping hours.

Zoe is your child, your daughter. We never stop hurting from a loss like this, it never goes away and stays away. We have good times then find we are torn to bits again over the least little things. But that is how it should be. It is an expression of the love we still carry and will always carry. It is our Sacred prayer to them and for them. It is a way of honoring all that was. Our tears carry as much love as the smiles and laughter that come with memories carry.

Many hugs to you and hubby,
Leslie and the gang

[Budsters Mom]

Now it's time for Koko to shine. I'm thrilled that he has stepped up to the plate. Go Koko!

Much love to all,
Kathy

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Thinking and praying for you, your hubby, and dear Koko. Blessings
Patti

[Trish]

Hi Addy

Just had to pop in before I go to bed to wish you Happy Spring!! We are two days into Autumn and I cannot believe how cold it is tonight, tempted to put the heater on but I refuse to let go of summer this soon!! So if we are Autumn you must be Spring, can you see any flowers yet? I hope it will warm up for you soon. Wow you had a visit from Zoe, I knew that wee girl would find a way to show you she is alright. Sending a hug to you for the morning, have a good day at work xxxxx

[Bo's Mom]

Addy,
Thinking about you and your family at this time. ((((HUGS))))

[Tina]

Popping in to let you know that I am thinking about you, hubby, Koko, and of course your sweet girl. :)

Love and hugs from me and Jasper xo

[addy]

Thanks for thinking of us. It was a tough weekend. The below zero temps continue. It is the coldest winter in 35 years they say. We have still have at least 2 feet of snow and 5 foot drifts in our yard.

We took Koko again to visit my Mom. He was a good boy. Such a gentle, sensitive pup. He had not been wanting to poo because of all the ice and snow so I started giving him a bit of biscuit as soon he pooed. Last night he pooped twice so he would get the whole biscuit, no dummy here. It was funny he pooed a little, ran for his biscuit, holding the rest in and then ran and pooed the rest:rolleyes:

The pangs and waves still come and I found myself bawling through the Oscars as soon as they did "In Memoriam" with Bette Middler singing.

I hope we can bring Zoe's ashes home this week. We have a Chinese trunk in the living room we use as a coffee table. It will become Zoe's memory chest. I will put all her things into the trunk and we will spread her ashes on my father's grave on her birthday in April, unless there is still snow cover.

We went to visit our daughter late yesterday afternoon and we played with her new kitten. Sasha is very sweet. My Kate comes home for Spring break for a week, next week. I cant believe her first year of college is almost over.

Now that our Zoe is gone, we plan on getting the house ready to sell for next year. It is too much property for us to handle any more. 2 acres of trees and gardens and the pool is too much, we need to downsize, especially with my arm. It is better but I dont think it will ever be 100%.

Gotta run to work, love you all

[SoggyDoggy]

Hi Addy, I haven't checked in for a while so only just now seen the news about Zoe. I'm so sorry, she was a character and a half, she fought the fight and made her place in everyone's heart, she will be sorely missed.

I so know what you mean about her spirit being there, I felt the same with Fraser, but for me it was during the car rides. He would sit on the back seat and make the chuffing noises he made to talk to me, and it was such a comfort. The highs and the lows may continue for a while but gradually the highs will outnumber the lows and you will start to remember all of the good bits, the things Zoe did that made you laugh and smile and you will be able to laugh about them again without the tears coming back.

She will never be forgotten and while she may have passed on to run free over that bridge, her memories will stay with you forever, warm and snuggly in your heart.

Take care Addy, Hubby and Koko, your girl will always be with you.

[apollo6]

Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Trish]

Another smart pup on this thread, double the poops = double the treats! Quick learner is Koko :D Glad your girls are close by, kitten therapy sounds good. So cute and snuggly. Have you ever had a cat Addy? I still miss mine but won't get another with Flynn.

I think it will be nice to have Zoe home, sad but good to have her back.. I think that is a lovely plan to scatter her ashes with your Dad, after all they are together right now in spirit.

I understand about the downsizing but that is going to be a wrench to move, your house is so gorgeous what I have seen in the pics. xxxx

[Trixie]

Hi Addy,
Been thinking of you often and know that it is not always easier when time starts to go by, certain things hit you and the waves of sadness start back up.
I think it's so nice that you're able to bring Koko to see your mother. She must like his visit. My mother always enjoyed when Trixie was around her.
I'm sure you're looking forward to having your daughter home form spring break. My younger one is due home Friday and we're looking forward to that, the college years do go by in a flash!
Hoping it's starting to thaw out up there...at least a little!

Barbara

[molly muffin]

Am sorry did you saw thaw! :) :) :)

Addy are you seeing any thaw yet? I'm looking around with my magnifying glass for it. Sure it must be around somewhere or other.

I too think of you often and hope for unsuspected to smiles to pop into your day, each day, somewhere, even if for a moment in time.

Grief and sadness can be so overbearing of everything else, it just comes through like a snow pile sometimes and knocks everything in front of it off to the side.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

[Budsters Mom]

((((((((((Many more hugs))))))))))

[Tina]

Me too Addy, I think of you all often as well, and am hoping you are having some moments where the sadness seems less. I so understand those pangs and waves. Sending lots of love and a special pat for Koko.

Big hugs,
Tina and Jasper xo

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
That is a wonderful idea for Zoe's ashes. I am hoping the cost from your daughter does your heart good. I think of you and Zoe every day, sometimes logging on here expecting to see your post about her. This has weighed heavily on everyone, as you and Zoe were the cornerstone of the forum. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

We are hanging in there. I got her memory chest ready for her, she is coming home Saturday. Hubby was upset at first, we each have our own way of dealing with this loss. I told him if it was too hard for him to bring her home, I would go alone to get her, but she deserves this at the very least and she will come home to the place she loved so much no matter how painful for us it is.

I wrapped up all her beautiful handmade sweaters Chantal knit for her. I remember how excited I was speaking to someone in Turkey. She made Zoe a very special sweater and sent it to me for free, it was a new design and she put it on her website back then, naming it after Zoe. I did not pack that sweater, it hangs still in the coat closet.
How could a little fluffy dog touch the heart of someone in Turkey that she would design and make a sweater for her so her bare tummy was protected from the snow.

Her red velvet Christmas coat is wrapped in tissue too with her other coats and I laid her yellow blanket on the bottom of the chest.

Koko and I put all her toys, her bowl even her measuring cup in the chest along with two framed pictures of her.

So I think we are ready for our Zoe to come home.

Zoe and I were only together seven short years but the profound affect she had on me is like no other and the bond much stronger and deeper than any other. I spent 21 years sharing my life with my cat and Zoe's loss is even harder.

God truly blessed me the day he sent Zoe to me and although the journey was not what I had hoped for, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Last week I went through the shock stage. This week I am suffering the guilt stage. I keep reliving those last moments of her life, the images flash before me when I least expect it and although I know in my heart there was nothing I could do for her, I wished she would not have had to have gone through what she did those last hours of her life and had been able to die at peace here at home as I had always so wanted for her. I struggle with that so. The what ifs have set in this week and blame and guilt that wont go away. The if I had done this or that maybe this would not have happened.

I guess it is the stages we go through as we grieve.

I think we are to have thirty degrees next week, perhaps Koko and I will be able to walk when I get home from work. Better weather would help us all so very much with our grief.

Love you all

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
I am crying reading about Zoe's hope chest. What a beautiful act.
Zoe was this forums ,warrior,fighting for all of us.
I know only to well about the guilt,no matter what anyone says,we always question ourselves. Know you did the best you could for that little girl. We are so powerless over life,events. We think we can control it but we can not. With a cushing baby the bond is so deep that it aches. What we will do to fight for them, takes all our strength,Hope and love as we and our babies fight together and suddenly there is emptiness so deep,we grasp for some meaning, anger,lose and such overwhelming grief. But on the forum we do it together and as the song says lean on me. I pray you write Zoe's story in her memory,it would be very healing,to read about Zoe's and your odyssey. You have a talent.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[doxiesrock912]

The hope chest is a beautiful idea Addy!
It sounds like Zoe had a wardrobe that could rival any woman here.

I'd love to see a picture of the sweater from Turkey.

I still have Daisy's first coat, which would fit a Barbie Doll :)

Hugs.

[addy]

http://www.royalfifi.net/index.php?main_page=advanced_search_result&search_in_description=1&keyword=zoe&x=17&y=10

here it is

We had to make up for her bald tummy, the snow was always deep in Wisconsin and the Spring and Fall cold and wet. So she had sweaters to protect her tummy. This winter was the first winter since her ultra sound we did not have to worry about a bare tummy.

[doxiesrock912]

OMG Addy!

It's so cute and girlie!!! I love it :)

We have the most difficult time finding anything that will cover Daisy's long, dachshund tummy and her back for that matter.

[molly muffin]

That sweater just Screams Zoe!! I love it! What a wonderful thing to have done for Zoe.

Too cute and as Valerie said, so girly.

love
Sharlene

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-
I knew you were having a rough time. How could you not? We fight so hard to save our pups and keep them going, comfortably. I think a bond is developed unlike any other. But then I think the bond between a more or less healthy dog and its owner is a bond unlike most others. There is a closeness that exists there. You develop your own way of communicating. They understand you and you understand them. The more years you have together the stronger it gets to be, I think. In relative terms, you might not have had Zoe for very many years, but in terms of the quality of time the two of you put together it far outweighs what most older dogs get to experience.

The second-guessing is very normal. I went through that as well. Four of Palmer's last precious days were spent in the ER while he was being given fluids by IV. He should have been at home I think now. We would have had to learn how to give him IV fluids. I don't know that I could have done that. As it turned out, I left feeling we tried absolutely everything there was to try short of a total blood transfusion. You just so want the story to turn out differently and it cannot.

Somehow our paths cross and these little critters come into our lives. We are entrusted with their care for however long they may have with us. They ask for nothing. They are completely selfless, very giving, totally loving. And when it is their time to move on, we must help them, if that is necessary. It is so very hard to know when it is time vs. am I rushing this? Maybe she'll rally again? What if? None of us wants to make that decision. I've had to do it three times and experience did not make it any easier the second or third time around. But it gives me comfort knowing I did everything I could to extend the lives of my dogs and that when it became clear that action had to be taken, I am so very glad I was right there, holding them in my arms, comforting them, soothing them, just as you did for Zoe.

Your hope chest sounds so full of love....and it is. It sounds of gentleness. It sounds of warmth. Can you find a little stuffed chicken to stick in there to represent the chicken walks? I bet you could, with Easter coming up.;) Just a tiny little one.

I am sorry to hear you are moving. Although I'm not sure why I say that. I guess because many memories will be left behind. But you sure don't need to be taking care of two acres plus a pool!! Let's get you down to less than 1/2 an acre and a hot tub!!

I know this hurts. I understand. I'm still on your shoulder, even if I'm a little quiet. :)

Love,
Sus

[addy]

You are right Sus, of course and hubby said the same thing about we may have only had her seven short years but the quality of time and that time we spent with her were more than some dogs have in a lifetime. We have not gone on vacation in six years because of Zoe. I dont regret how much we devoted to her. I could never think of her as an "old girl" she was always my 'little girl" and always will be.

Last night my daughter and granddaughter came to visit to cheer us up. I was in the bedroom doing my arm excersies and Koko ran to the door and did his odd beagle bark at them. He always relied on Zoe to be master guard dog and back him up. So far he is doing ok but I am afraid to shower him with too much attention as I dont want his seperation anxiety to start up. We took a brief walk this morning until we realized there was still black ice on the road in spots, so we had to turn back home. But he did enjoy walking and smelling new smells.

I'm a romantic, emotional, sensitive person. It does not take much to make me happy. I delight in small things and bad things I feel very strongly. It is hard for me but I know it will ease with time. The last year of Zoe's life, we did not leave her alone much. We were on such a tight schedule, she either needed a drop or something every few hours so we had to time everything around her. I did not even go to my brother's house Christmas Day. I just could not leave her.


It is so hard but I do smile at the memories and we speak of her every day. She came to me in my dreams last night. I know she will visit me again. I find great comfort in that. She was here a brief moment last night too, when I came home from work. Zoe knows she is coming home tomorrow. And that is how it should be.
Forever with me.

[apollo6]

Beautifully said.
Love always
Sonja and Angel Apollo
We all get to that point about downsizing. When you have lived on this earth for awhile,you realize stuff gets in the way, and little things can make you happy. Koko seems to be adjusting, he will have his moments of missing Zoe. Zoe's sweater is beautiful.
Glad you are posting.

[Trixie]

I find it so touching to see a photo of that sweater, (which is adorable) and see that it's named for Zoe! That is just so sweet and it warms your heart to think of other dogs who need to keep their bellies covered wearing the adorable Zoe sweater!
I think that through speaking with you the woman in Turkey just felt the love...and she was touched by the bond you had with Zoe too, thousands of miles away. A very sweet thought indeed!

Barbara

[Trish]

Awwww a Zoe sweater. She is such a superstar... it's like the "Birkin" bag! I wonder who many dogs are walking around toasty warm in the "Zoe" :D

I am pleased to read you are recognising the stages of grief Addy, as you know and have advised others in the past it is quite normal to dwell on the "what if's" for a while. You know you did everything you could and under the circumstances you had to at least try to get treatment for Zoe, but it was not to be and you made the hardest choice of all. If I took a holiday I could think of no one better than you to take care of him and would not hesitate to ship Flynn to Milwaukee as I know in your loving tender care he would be the best looked after dog in the world, just as Zoe was!! He would get to frolic in some snow too!! :D

I hope tomorrow gives you some peace with her return to your home, she has never left your heart but it will be good to have her back in the place she loves best. xxxxx

[Trish]

I forgot something!!!

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/album.php?albumid=559&pictureid=6355

xxx

[labblab]

Thinking of you all today, with love.

Marianne

[addy]

Zoe is home where she needs to be and it gives me peace and the closure I needed. I had to bring her home. I think hubby now understands that. I saw a silver music box I am going to buy and have her name engraved on the top of it. I will keep some of her ashes here in her silver music box.

She came to me last night in my sleep; beautiful and clean and happy and strong. We dropped Koko off at the groomer. I did not want to go and remember the hope I had just a short time ago when I took Zoe there to have her paws cleaned, clipped and nails trimmed. But they all hugged me and cried with me and it was ok.

Koko is doing ok and I am ok.

I have to run Koko out sorry it is so short.

[molly muffin]

Hugs Addy. I am so glad that Zoe is home and that your heart feels peace to know she is there. Even better that she visited you in your dreams, full of life and good health.

What a lovely sentiment about the music box. I think that is a wonderful idea.

Awww, everyone loved Zoe. I cannot imagine any that would not cry for her loss and miss her.

hugs Addy, I hope you had a good walk with Koko.

love,
Sharlene

[Trish]

Big sigh of relief here to read your is back home where she belongs. I am so pleased it is giving you relief to have her back close to you all. I too love the music box idea, made me laugh your stories of dancing in the kitchen with the radio on the oldies channel and Zoe hopping about! So that is very fitting for our girl. Plus she is still an honoury member of the Protein Pup Band so music is in her soul :) Hope your walk with Koko was nice and not too cold for the wee fellow! xx

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Such beautiful thoughts, and ideas for Zoe. I think of you both every day, and hope you are somehow getting thru this. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Zoe is now at peace. The music box is beautiful. Funny, Apollo so loved to listen to music boxes. Koko will feel her presence. Don't dismiss,signs from Zoe. I was crying and thinking of Zoe and Apollo when Bet Medler sang You are the wings beneath my feet and I keep thinking about Zoe when I hear the Bruno mark song.
Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are [OFFICIAL VIDEO] - YouTube
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjhCEhWiKXk
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[addy]

Well, then I think Zoe did just send me a sign because the music I want to order- you are able to pick one song you would like - they offer 5-6 songs to choose from. One of them was A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong and for some reason I kept thinking about that song and that maybe I would pick the song for the music box to play but I wanted to hear the whole song.

Well, this afternoon, hubby ran to his office so Koko an I are sitting on the sofa looking at paint chips. We have rooms to repaint now if we wish to get the house ready to sell. I love my home, love it's memories but with my injured arm and hubby's arthritis, our age, we just cant take care of this place ourselves anymore nor could we even afford it once hubby and I retire. Too much enpensive upkeep with all these trees and land, the pool, oh the pool, I should have buried it. Yikes, dont get me started about Little House in the Woods.

Anyway, I was sitting here and I thought about Trish reminding me about Pandora and how I have not turned it on since Thanksgiving when everything started to go wrong. So I picked up my I phone to turn on Pandora and there was Louis Armstrong singing Its A Wonderful World.:) It was the very first song. When I turned it on it just started playing.

I think Zoe picked her song for her music box.:):):)

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
I think you are right that is the music Zoe wants. I am glad Zoe came to you in the note. I always waited to see if my dad would come to me, but sadly he never did. Will you move to a smaller house or an apartment? It is nice when you get older not to have so many things to take care of, so I know what you are saying about your health and such. This has been a hard adjustment not seeing you posting on what is going on with Zoe. This disease sure stinks. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

You are right. Zoe you have class. What can I say. I have that song on my iPod.
That is what you do,downsize keep life more simple. We are thinking of selling our townhouse in a year or so,mixed feelings,like Zoe,Apollo grow up in this house.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Harley PoMMom]

I think Zoe picked her song for her music box.:):):)

I absolutely agree with you, and Addy, I do care....hugs

[molly muffin]

Addy, I think you are right. Zoe has spoken.

love
Sharlene

[doxiesrock912]

Addy,

I'm so glad that you're doing so well after losing Zoe. She picked the perfect song because she had the perfect life with your family.

[Trish]

Love that song!!! :) Zoe, you have great taste in music Missy!!! Just playing it on youtube :) I hate to tell you this Addy, but it is Monday morning (where you are reading this :)) Bah humbug, another week dawns :rolleyes: So big hug to get you through the Monday morning funk xxxxxxx

[Mel-Tia]

I care too. Been feeling those pangs and waves myself.

Love the idea of the music box.

Hope you, hubby and Koko are as ok as you can be today.

Hugs

Mel
Xxxx

[addy]

We are a mess, the pangs and waves continue, but we have to continue on with work, etc so, brave faces are plastered on.:(
Kate is home for a week and has to do a Family Tree essay so she is keeping my brain occupied.

Mel- I'm sorry about your pangs and waves- love you and sending big hugs- I'll go on your thread and give you hugs too:):)

[My sweet Ginger]

I do deeply care too, Addy. Deeply.
I miss Zoe everyday and think about her eating her potatoes. :):)

[addy]

LOL, the potatoes:D:D:D:D

so funny, but they helped bring Zoe's UPC down and lower the protein in her urine. Koko still asks for potatos at the bathroom door every morning and before bed.

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh Addy, that is so endearing of them to me picturing the scene in my mind them sitting (or maybe jumping:D) and looking at you (or the potatoes) at the bathroom door. I think about that scene often.:):)

[addy]

Oh Song, that is so sweet, thank you.

[Spiceysmum]

I care too Addy. Don't know about you but I'm sick of putting on a brave face. I resent work for taking my mind off Brin, does that sound stupid?
Glad you have Zoe home where she belongs, Brin should be home with us any day now.
Thinking of you and your husband.
Linda x

[molly muffin]

I care Addy

love
Sharlene

[goldengirl88]

I care too Addy.
Patti

[addy]

We have a giant love fest going on here.:D:D:D:D

You guys, gosh, I care about all of you too.:):):):) Koko and Zoe love all of you too.

Ok, whats going on; is this about the poem I posted to Coz?

You are all part of our family. I am not really sure how Kate will fit you all into her Family Tree Essay though;);););)

[Budsters Mom]

Well, I love "skip, bark, hop" at meal times and Zoe's chicken walk the best.:p Kate had better get busy on that family tree, since we're all over the world! :D :D xxxx

[apollo6]

I care too. Miss reading about our Zoe. Koko will carry the torch for her and create his own stories.
Love Sonja and Angel Apollo
I picture Zoe and Apollo going steady up in heaven.

[Bailey's Mom]

NOW I get it. What a beautiful poem.....and so true.
I care, Addy.
I miss Zoe.
I miss Zoe's stories.
I worry about Koko and hubby.
I don't worry about you. You are woman....made of steel.....knows how to feel.....way down deep......and let it out. In time you will be as okay as you can be without your little Zoe......you will always have her in your heart......and that space will never belong to anyone or anything else.....ever. But just in case.....if you ever need ANYthing....I am right here either by your side, or on your shoulder or holding your hand.....whatever feels right. And if you want someone to just quietly sit with you, I'm your gal.
Love,
Sus

[addy]

Oh Sus, I am not woman of steel but thank you for thinking that. It is very hard for me to be strong and brave. I usually make it through the crisis and end up with post traumatic stress disorder from it, which is what is happening to me now. I have horrible flash backs when I least expect it of Zoe in ER.
I do so need you on my shoulder, Sus. I am really not very strong at all. It is just a brave face that I wear to hide a broken heart.

I miss her so very much

Love you.
Addy

[Harley PoMMom]

((((Huge loving hugs))))

[Woodydog]

You are doing wonderful Addy. Ive lost Woody 3 months now and I'm still putting on a brave face. It comes in waves so I've learned to just ride them

Hugs x

[molly muffin]

sending you hugs Addy.

love
Sharlene

[Bailey's Mom]

I thought perhaps that might be misunderstood. The Addy I know has marched right through all that had to be done, taken care of Koko being able to say goodbye, said her goodbye, prepared for the final resting place, etc. In between she has allowed her own feelings to come up and accepted them, shared them with others, let others "in," exposed herself.

The flashbacks go with the turf. They are memories we wish we could wipe away. We wish those moments never happened. But we don't get to choose. Once we accept the whole package, it will all start to settle down. The bad will begin to cease to bother us. The warm fuzzy feelings will become more prominent.

What I was trying to express was my pride in how gracefully you are walking through all of this. Not that if you were having more difficulty would I think less of you, I just am in awe of you as a Mom to Zoe and Koko, a grandmother to Kate, a daughter to your Mom....and on and on. And pleased to hear, read that you are seeming to take care of yourself. You are letting the meltdowns come. You are writing. You are feeling. You are walking through this, not around it. I know this is very hard. I in no way meant to minimize that. I KNOW how much Zoe means to you. I know how big of a loss this is for you. And you've got me on your shoulder so long as you have a shoulder!:)

Love,
Sus

[Harley PoMMom]

What I was trying to express was my pride in how gracefully you are walking through all of this. Not that if you were having more difficulty would I think less of you, I just am in awe of you as a Mom to Zoe and Koko, a grandmother to Kate, a daughter to your Mom....and on and on. And pleased to hear, read that you are seeming to take care of yourself. You are letting the meltdowns come. You are writing. You are feeling. You are walking through this, not around it. I know this is very hard. I in no way meant to minimize that. I KNOW how much Zoe means to you. I know how big of a loss this is for you. And you've got me on your shoulder so long as you have a shoulder!:)

Love,
Sus

I feel the same way, Addy, I am in such awe of you.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
It is okay to let it out. You are going through a very tough time, the grief, the loss, the shock. Keep writing, let us be here for you, a shoulder to lean on, a ear that understands only too well.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Trish]

Well I have a piece of absolutely useless trivia to share with you today, it came in one of those feel good emails that I usually direct straight into the trash can but I read it anyway and then thought of you ....

1. Smiling can make you happy (even when you're not).
Remember that mind-body connection we were just talking about? Well, it turns out that the simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you're happy. And when you're happy, your body pumps out all kinds of feel-good endorphins. This reaction has been studied since the 1980s and has been proven a number of times. In 1984, an article in the journal Science showed that when people mimic different emotional expressions, their bodies produce physiological changes that reflect the emotion, too, such as changes in heart and breathing rate. Another German study found that people felt happy just by holding a small pen clenched in their teeth, imitating a smile.

Just remember that the research goes both ways. When the people in the first study frowned, they felt less happy, and in the German study, people who held a pen in their protruding lips, imitating a pout, felt unhappy. So the next time you feel sad or upset, try smiling. It just might make your body—and therefore you—feel better.


So when you are feeling sad dear Addy, pop a pen in your mouth and imitate a smile... god have you ever read anything so ridiculous LOL... :p xxx

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Thinking of you and sending prayers your way. Blessings
Patti

[MBK]

I understand what you mean, Addy. I relive those last moments of Alivia's life over and over and sometimes I picture it all at unexpected times. Those memories are very painful, but on the other hand, I don't want to forget anything about Alivia. Grief is a strange thing.

Sending hugs.

[Bailey's Mom]

Hugs from us.:)

[doxiesrock912]

Hugs Addy!

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Thinking of you, Koko and your hubby. Hoping time will help heal your broken hearts. Blessing
Patti

[Bailey's Mom]

Well I have a piece of absolutely useless trivia to share with you today, feeling sad dear Addy, pop a pen in your mouth and imitate a smile... god have you ever read anything so ridiculous LOL... :p xxx
Trish - ROFLMAO:D

[Spiceysmum]

Thinking of you Addy.
Linda x

[Simba's Mom]

So sorry for your loss, precious Zoe is a gorgeous angel, oh those fur babies take a piece of our hearts...sending hugs for you and your hubby...

[Trish]

Hi Darl!

I am getting back into my routine so just popping in to say....


IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XX

[Mel-Tia]

Just nipping in to give you a hug and to say hello.

Hope you Hubby and Koko are ok

Mel
Xxxxx

[Bailey's Mom]

Hugs and a hand squeeze from up here on your shoulder.
Love,
Sus

[Woodydog]

Another big hug winging it way to you x

[molly muffin]

Watch out! I think we are having a HUG FEST today!!!!

I sense a big GROUP HUG, coming any moment.......

Here it is:

GROUP HUG

brought to you by Sharlene and Molly Muffin and contributed to by all

[Squirt's Mom]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Try to be gentle with yourself. And always have a Kleenex ready. Because the tears will flow at the most unexpected times and will take you by surprise. Maybe the tears are our grief. It takes as long as it takes. Grieve in your own way, don't listen to what people say. It is when they are gone that we realize what an impact they had on us. Dog spelled backwards is God. We all love you and give you a big hug to comfort you.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[Harley PoMMom]

(((Hugs)))

[Trixie]

I want in on the group hug too. Thinking of you Addy and your husband. Hope Koko is doing well!

Barbara

[My sweet Ginger]

Me too, please.:)

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
I am hoping with the warmer weather starting you and Koko can get outside for some walks, and maybe feel a little better. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

Thank you for all the hugs, I felt them all and needed them.

Outsiders seem to think I should have been over this the first week. It has been a difficult week and I feel a lot of pressure from extended family and work to be this happy, cheerful person and I am lucky to make it through the day without bawling my eyes out.

What ticks me off the most is if I had lost a human relative I would be allowed a "pre agreed upon by society acceptable mourning period." Which is also a crock since everyone grieves differently. I was allowed a month for my dad and then was told to get over it.

This week the permanence of losing Zoe has sunk in. Now I have to find acceptance of all of this and stop the guilt, the nightmares of that last night, I am not alright and I am sick of pretending to be. My in another world, oblivious boss and his partner pushed me past my tolerance thresh hold this week and I am beyond angry and I bit ( figuratively not literally).

Crappy week all and all so love all the hugs from you guys. Not I have to release all this anger. Koko and I took a long walk. Didnt help yet:o:o:o:(:(

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
I am so in tune with all you are saying about how you feel. That so bothers me that people expect you to be happy and back to yourself. I totally understand the anger,as I would be there too. People need to get a life and understand this is something that cannot be smiled away. Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

Some people just don't get it, that one can grief for an animal just like they do for a human. I tend to think that those people have never had that kind of relationship with their furry family members, which is too bad, they don't know what they have missed out on.

It's a crock that there is any given time frame for grief, but you're right, they give us more for people for sure. Too bad it isn't a switch that you can just turn on and off. It isn't though.

I think the anger is perfectly understand. That is a stage of grief too.

hugs and love
Sharlene

[MBK]

Sending love and hugs. We will get through this in our own time and in our own way. Sharlene is so right. Anyone that cannot understand this grief and pain has missed out on a lot. They obviously have never been lucky enough to have had a dog that was a part of their heart.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
I wish we were all there for you to tell these people to stop being so insensitive to your lose. Zoe was and is your baby and there is no way you get over it in a set time. Listen to those who have gone before you. It has been over a year and a half since Apollo's passing and I am still mourning. I miss him every day. There are support groups for all kinds of issues. So let us be your support group. Vent,cry, scream,write,do what ever you need to work through this grief. Our society teaches us not to deal with death,and most people feel very uncomfortable talking about It. The nightmares you are having are normal. I still have them thinking about Apollo's last week. You know they are dying and there is nothing you can do. The helplessness is overwhelming. Touch or hold something from Zoe when you are struggling. I have Apollo's collars in a few places ,in the car when I drive I sometimes reach for it. Write Zoe. Let it out. You have us. Don't keep it inside. Family can be cruel. My Mom said, well you had for 14 years so be happy about that. The bond is so strong, only we can understand. So my sister warrior ,be angry,cry,mourn,do what ever it is you need to do. You will heal with time, but the lose is always there, with time you will remember the joy,love,laughter and focus less on the difficult times,but once in awhile they will pop up.
Because we love our babies as much as we do it is only normal to feel the way we do.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

http://www.reshareworthy.com/20-facts-for-dog-lovers/#FDjUgxZSUGt0i6bX.99][/url]
That is what you did for Zoe

[Tina]

Addy, I completely understand everything you are saying and feeling. I missed out on the group hug yesterday so will send mine now (((hugs))) :)

I have found that most people don't understand the depth of the bond that we have with our pups. Even a lot of people that have dogs of their own don't understand, for whatever reason, it is not the same for them. My friends fall in that category for the most part. They are well meaning, but don't really get it. And those that are not animal people, well there is even less understanding and tolerance from them.

I'm sorry about the lack of empathy from your boss. Mine is the same way, she is not a dog or animal person. I'm sure it takes all your strength to keep up the front at work when you are fighting back tears every minute. I have been there, and it zaps all your energy.

I understand the anger as well Addy. It will take a while to get through it. As Sharlene said, it is part of the grieving.

Thinking of you, and sending lots of love and hugs.

Tina and Jasper xo

[Simba's Mom]

Sending hugs Addy, when I lost my Sim, it was worse then losing any other dog, the time that it took to care for Sim and then all of a sudden you have all this time and nothing to care for.....it really takes a long time and I'm still working on it....those cush pups need so much love and attention we do become like a care taker like for a human even though to us our fur babies are just as special or more special..between meds, vet appts, food and poo checks etc...we had a very busy life with our babies and we wouldn't have done it any other way...Sim was my life, and he is missed every day, don't let anyone tell you how you should be, its your time and until they walk in your shoes, they have no idea...take care of yourself and give yourself time...

[Squirt's Mom]

Grab you a 2X4, find a metal pole about 6" in diameter and beat the crap out of it with the 2X4 while belting out a primordial scream at the top of your lungs. You will feel better for it and those around will get the message loud and clear. ;) OOORRRR you will soon see the padded wagon being driven by the little men in white coats! :p So far, I've managed to elude them so I'm sure you can!

You are doing just fine, Addy. More than fine. You are functioning which is more than many of us could do in the same circumstances. Don't be too hard on yourself and just remember those cold-hearted folk just don't understand and as such they will never know the kind of love that you and Zoe shared....and that is their loss.

[Budsters Mom]

Oh Sweetie,

I so wish I could say something and make it all easier for you. Unfortunately, I am at 8 1/2 months with Buddy and still haven't processed his loss yet. Yes, there are many people out there that do not see their dogs as family members. That is their loss to have never known that kind if love. I feel sorry for them. Healing and processing takes time. Sometimes lots of it. I don't talk about Buddy much anymore home because my own family doesn't get it.

We understand what Zoe means to you and miss hearing about her. Take whatever time you need sweetie and the heck with the rest of them. Xxxxxx

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-
Do you remember Palmer's duck? You called it the duck on steroids. Well, I slept with that duck for I'm sure at least six months after Palmer passed. Palmer used to sit with the corner of the ducks hip in his mouth, so it had his DNA all over it. I loved that! I felt very close to Palmer with that duck. I cried myself to sleep every night while hugging his duck for as long as it felt right. And the duck is still preserved. It is Palmer's duck. It was every bit as big as Palmer.

I like the 2 x 4 and the metal post idea. Another thing that I have found that works is a 2 x 4 with nails and a hammer. You just get a hand full of nails and pound them into the board. You can think of whomever you are pissed at while you are hammering. It really does work. And then there's the bury your face in a pillow and just sob away until you can't sob any more. Make as much noise as you can or want to.

You will learn quickly which people you can share with about how you really feel.....and unfortunately it's going to be a very small circle of friends. There is no time table. There is no right or wrong way. There's no sense in trying to explain it to someone who doesn't "get it" already. It only adds to the frustration. Everyone here will truly understand, especially since it was compounded with Cushing's.

Take in some very deep breaths and let them out slowly. Think of how beautiful Zoe got to look. Get out the picture that's the avatar. Focus on that. Close your eyes. Enjoy that view.

Love,
Sus

[doxiesrock912]

Oh Addy,
Those people can just suck it!
They clearly haven't had the privilege of unconditional love and how very sad because they'll never experience the joy.

Daisy, Gracie and, Annabelle bring a love to my life that I can't imagine not having. I hope that the day never comes when I'm too old to care for a pet.

We're here for you always as you have been for each of us.

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Thinking of you, sending you big hugs and much love.
Patti

[MBK]

Wow. There are a lot of wonderful people here and their comments are so insightful. It seems there are three types of people:

1. Those that do not understand the loss at all...it was just an animal.

2. Those that understand the sadness of losing a "pet", but not really the depth of it.

3. And, those that truly get "it". That understand that this was a family member, not just a pet. Like the people here.

One day at a time, Addy.

Sending love and hugs. Special belly rubs for Koko, too.

[addy]

Thanks guys, I am taking a mental health day to just allow myself to grieve and stay home, no pretending, no fronts. I need this day to allow myself to feel those emotions rather than hide them.

Koko had a good day yesterday and was the happiest I have seen him in a long time. He spent the whole day with me, no time alone in the kitchen. It felt good to see him so happy. He even wanted to eat dinner.

I will try to bring my mom home for her 90th birthday. My brother was to have a party at his house but decided it would be better if we had mom's party at the group home. I have been very upset since he told me this. I will have a hard time with my arm, I struggled Christmas Eve trying to have the family here but I cant allow my mom to have her 90th birthday in the group home. The hardest part is getting her in and out of the car. I think I will talk to my daughter to se if she thinks she can manage since I only have one arm to use.

I want her party here then. Am I being selfish? My brother always tells me I cant and then I usually prove him wrong. He does not uderstand why I move mountains if I have to to make things happen for my mom. I have been really upset about this. I dont know if mom and I can physically do it but I think we should try. I know it will be hard. Zoe loved my mother and my mother loved Zoe. I need to try to make this happen I think, even for just a few hours.

Thank you all for listening and sharing your thoughts. Hubby said Zoe was my whole life, it will take time to adjust to losing her. His sister wants to come to visit. I told him I need some time and I am not ready for that. It feels like she is saying now that Zoe is gone we have "freedom" to do things. I'm not ready to entertain out of town family members who dont understand. I feel she needs to respect my grief and give me time. I will try to tell her that in a nice way rather than biting her head off:o:o:o:o

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

Addy: I am glad you are taking a day and that Koko is feeling better. When my Mom had a harder time getting in and out of vehicles we found a minivan worked the best even if we had to use a stepping stool to get her into it.

She had read somewhere that if you put a trashbag on the seat it makes it easier to slide the person around. We tried it but all I remember as a result was a lot of laughter, not sure if it helped!

thinking of you. hugs, Judi

[molly muffin]

Just one mental health day? Honey I'd be taking a whole host of mental days. LOL :)
You do what you need to do for you and Koko and hubby. There are tons of books written on grief and what I've always found is that grief is personal to each and every one of us and how we experience it, react to it, is going to be unique to. So, do your thing, whatever that may be.

Totally get your daughter or others to help with your mom! sheezzz, why do you have to be the one to get her in and out of vehicles. You got family, put them to work. Say this is how we are going to do and this is your designated task to help me, make it happen for her on the day of. Just organize their tushes to be/do what you need done. :)

Call a caterer to do the food and serving even. They can help out a lot and you won't have to worry about trying to cook and do everything on your own. Then tell brother dear he needs to chip in to help pay for it too. LOLOLOL Gawd, I'm a wench eh. hehehe

love
Sharlene

[My sweet Ginger]

I'm totally with everything what Sharlene said.;)
You didn't have enough time to grieve and went right back to work the very next Monday after the weekend sweet Zoe passed. Can you take a couple of days off now and spend a few days with Koko and also nourish your broken heart and soul by doing absolutely whatever you'd want and just be good to yourself?
Hiring a caterer sounds really good to me if your brother agrees to split the bill which he should and be happy about. You can still plan it as you'd want it without all the exhausting preparation:eek::eek:
Reaching 90 is a very, very special occasion for anyone and I'm sure your mom will have a very happy day because you will make sure of it.:)

[Bailey's Mom]

Hear, hear!!! Ninety is a momentous occasion! You are on disability. Medical and emotional! :) You just tell brother that this is how it's going to happen. If he balks, he can stay home. If paying for a caterer is out of the question, you could get party platters from either a restaurant or the grocery store. Tell Kate to come home and pitch in. A few balloons, some pretty flowers and some ice cream and cake and cards and there you have it!

Back to the emotional disability-you've not had a vacation in six years, right? Sounds to me like there should be some leave built up, maybe....unless it all went for vet appointments. Isn't this spring gong to be the perfect time to take a week off from work, even if you don't go away? Or a five day weekend? I'm also wondering if your disability insurance policy at work would cover you for some time off. I sprained something once and filed a disability claim wanting to get coverage for some of the medical expenses and found I got reimbursed for a day of work that I missed.

[Tina]

Hi Addy,
I'm with Sharlene, can others in your family help get your Mom in and out of the car? And catering the food is a fabulous idea!

I'm glad you are taking a day to just be, it is very important. Thinking of you, as always.

Love and hugs,
Tina and Jasper xo

[Mel-Tia]

I am thinking of you all, I know that feeling of everyone not understanding all to well. It's hard to keep up the act day in day out so I think taking some time to yourself is a good idea.

I hope you and Koko look after each other tomorrow.

Big hug Addy
Love
Mel
Xxxxx

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Be strong for yourself, be selfish for you and Zoe. You need this time to grieve and be with Zoe in your lose. People can be so non understanding. You have held your family together for so long. It is time they take charge for a change. My warrior sister, you and I are so alike when it comes to family. Don't allow you feeling to be pushed down. When Apollo died, I had to move and downsize my Mom with no help from my brother while I was grieving Apollo. It was horrible. I packed every day, came home exhausted and cried all night about Apollo. We know only to well what you are going through. If we could we would stand around you and push everyone away to let you breath. You need down time and don't be afraid to say so. Zoe was your life, she was your soul mate, the one you went to when times were bad and when times were good, nothing can replace that. She was your world and you lost that, now there is this emptiness, lose that needs to be nurtured, comforted.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[doxiesrock912]

Hopefully your daughter will help you with mom and her party.
If not, my mother was in a rehab center for one of her birthdays and they let us use a large room for a private party. No one disturbed us and it was perfect!

I'm so glad that you're taking a day for yourself and that Koko is enjoying having you there all day to himself. Xo

[Spiceysmum]

Addy,
Glad you are taking today off for yourself. I am sure Koko will enjoy you being there.
Hope your Mum has a wonderful birthday wherever it is held. I think we are all the same sort of people here, the ones who organise everything, that's what brought us here in the first place!
Linda

[Trish]

God is it Friday yet, I need to get off! Big hugs Addy x

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
That is such a a sweet idea to bring your mom home for her birthday. I just hope it is not too much for you, but understand your need to do this for your mom. You are a very intelligent lady and know what you want, and how to accomplish it. I am sure your mom will love it, and you will always have those memories. After all your mom will only have one of these landmark birthdays. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Thinking of you. Wishing we could be there to comfort you. Grieve in your own way. There is no right way to. Missing Zoe also.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Trixie]

Hi Addy,
Don't know if you have time to get one of these for your Mom..but they make a swivel seat for the car. Kind of like a lazy susan, so you can back your mom straight onto the car seat with the swivel on it, she sits with legs out the door then you just turn the seat and guide her legs forward.
Here is a link in case you want to check it out.

http://www.activeforever.com/car-swivel-seat-cushion#.UyoRyYXEGVY
Glad you took a day for yourself to allow yourself time to grieve. It's so nice that Koko enjoyed you being at home with him and he showed you too.
Barbara

[doxiesrock912]

That is awesome! I wish that I'd known about it when mom was still alive. It would've been a great help.

[Trish]

Hey Addy

I hope your day off was peaceful and helped recharge the batteries, the week is flying by now so hope yours is too. Hugs for Koko and you xxxxx

[addy]

week is flyng by- work is crazy busy- Im worrying about seeing the ortho surgeon tomorrow, still have problems with shoulder joint and tendons.:(:(:(

I can only move my arm in certain directions but PT said range of motion has much improved all in all so not sure sure what is happening. Guess I'll find out tomoroow as they will proably do more rays

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
I am hoping all goes well at the Drs. appointment.I have to go get my car inspected so I am hoping it does not need anything. Blessings
Patti

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Be patient with yourself. Because of all that you have been through and losing Zoe it is going to take time to heal your shoulder. Stress can slow the healing process.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Squirt's Mom]

ugh...hate to hear that about your arm! I'm having some of the same thoughts with mine. The first set of exercises helped restore quite a bit of the range of motion but the second and third sets are making it worse - I am actually losing range! I hope the PT is correct and you don't need surgery.

[molly muffin]

Hoping for good news from the surgeon today. You're certainly due some.

Eeeek that isn't good Leslie it is suppose to make it all better.

On the other hand, I do sympathize, my husbands isn't much better either.

love
Sharlene

[labblab]

My dear Addy, I am still here and watching for your posts every single day. Hoping that each day may end up being a better day for you, but realizing that "better" is just a relative term because "good" probably still feels far, far out of reach.

Grieving comes from the heart, but here's a "head" thought that I want to pass along. Even though the historic discussion of grief has advanced and enlightened with the notion of "stages," lots of people are now thinking that these are not so much stages that we pass through, but instead feelings that keep reappearing and rearranging themselves through time. You are never really "done" with any of them, and don't need to be. They all flow from your loss and are part of one big river. Some days you are strong enough to swim in the river. Other days you can only stick in your toe. There are always cross-currents and whirlpools. But there is also one main channel, and that is the flow that carries you forward, on to the future.

For myself, I do believe this is true. There are still days when my heart wanders back to feeling guilty about Barkis, or angry. But there are other days when I feel peaceful with my memories, and smile. I think all these feelings will always be part of me. But the bad feelings have lost some of their power because I finally know they can pass or shift, like water in a river where the sunshine shimmers on top of the dark currents underneath. The sunshine and the darkness are always both present, but as part of a whole.

May you have a bit of sunshine in your life today, Addy. Even if just for a few moments.

Love, Marianne

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh Marianne, you've written it so beautifully and eloquently and I completely agree.:)

[addy]

Two faces would stare at me, waiting in anticipation, hardly able to contain their excitement after I asked them to "place" at the end of the long hall. Sit and stay followed place as I turned my back to them, walking down the hall to the foyer. Turning toward those eager little faces I would say "come" and Zoe and Koko would run down the hall as fast as they could for their treat. Sometimes Koko would be so eager he would start down the hall as soon as he saw me preparing to turn. Zoe always waited for the command. We played the game every morning before I would leave for work.

We stopped playing that game the summer Zoe developed all her eye problems. The hall was a slippery wood floor with a carpet runner. I feared she would hurt herself somehow.

Koko and I started playing the game again this week. As he goes to place, I can imagine Zoe sitting there next to him and it warms my heart. I can smile as I visualize Zoe running next to Koko to me. Koko is so delighted to play and he plays it perfectly now.

Memory is the power to be with Zoe every day. Some days then, we swim atop the warm water bathed in sunlight. But still some days, I sink below the surface where those cold dark currents pull me down deep to the bottom and she is not there.

Thank you Marianne for your beautiful words. I have to try to find some sunshine every day for my Koko, even for just a little while. It would be what Zoe would want. She always looked out for him.

love you all

[apollo6]

Posted twice see next posting

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
The journey of grief is always changing. Do not press down the feelings. There are moments of such intense grief ,your pain is unbearable. And then there are moments of happy memories of having this precious little girl in your life. Zoe is there running down the hall with Koko. When you love as hard as we do for these precious little warriors ,it is only natural to fall hard at their lose.
We are here to help you through this your Cushing Family. I am grateful that you are posting. It will help you heal. But know there is no time limit for grief and lose. The lose is always going to be there,but with time it gets a little less. And as Marianne said it is like a river always changing,some days are goods and some are not. Your grief is to fresh now.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo to you, Zoe and Koko

Now is the time to be gentle with yourself.

[Trish]

Hi Addy

Sounds like Koko loves to play, so nice you can enjoy games with him and I am sure that lifts both your spirits even if it is momentarily. Wasn't it you that started us on the thinking of one good thing a day when things were looking down, I think it was but my memory can be dodgy at times :p Anyway, you have already done with playing with Koko so I will add that


IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

[addy]

Not only is it Friday but I dont need surgery:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Trish]

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee put your knife away surgeon!!!!

What did they say??

[Trish]

Cancel that last question I just read all about it on Leslie's thread, so more exercises to loosen up that joint. Hope they are not too painful and it comes right! xx

[Tina]

Grieving comes from the heart, but here's a "head" thought that I want to pass along. Even though the historic discussion of grief has advanced and enlightened with the notion of "stages," lots of people are now thinking that these are not so much stages that we pass through, but instead feelings that keep reappearing and rearranging themselves through time. You are never really "done" with any of them, and don't need to be. They all flow from your loss and are part of one big river. Some days you are strong enough to swim in the river. Other days you can only stick in your toe. There are always cross-currents and whirlpools. But there is also one main channel, and that is the flow that carries you forward, on to the future.

For myself, I do believe this is true. There are still days when my heart wanders back to feeling guilty about Barkis, or angry. But there are other days when I feel peaceful with my memories, and smile. I think all these feelings will always be part of me. But the bad feelings have lost some of their power because I finally know they can pass or shift, like water in a river where the sunshine shimmers on top of the dark currents underneath. The sunshine and the darkness are always both present, but as part of a whole.

May you have a bit of sunshine in your life today, Addy. Even if just for a few moments.

Love, Marianne

Oh my gosh Marianne, this is so beautiful and so so true. Thank you for posting this, I can sure relate to all of it.

Addy, I am so happy to read that you don't need surgery on your shoulder, what a relief.

Thinking of you, Zoe and Koko and sending lots of love and hugs. xo

[Bailey's Mom]

[QUOTE=Trish;143938]Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee put your knife away surgeon!!!!
DITTO!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[MBK]

Marianne, that was so BEAUTIFULLY written and so true. Like Addy, I sometimes have glimmers of sunshine and warmth and sometimes the cold darkness.

Addy, I am so glad Koko is playing the game! I try to take Max for car rides as much as possible. With my knee being so bad, I haven't been able to walk him, though. It is finally their turn to get all the attention.

So glad to hear you do not need surgery! Hope you continue to improve.

Love you, Addy!

[Spiceysmum]

So pleased to hear that you don't need surgery. Hope you have a good weekend.
Love, Linda x

[doxiesrock912]

So, Zoe also taught Koko how to play the game the right when she visited. It's her way of letting you know that she'll always be a part of your family.

Awesome news that you don't need surgery!!!!!!
Someone else will have to put that surgeon's kids through college.

[addy]

Someone else will have to put that surgeon's kids through college.
__________________
Valerie

Oh Val, that made me laugh:D:D:D

My Saturday one good thing-

As you all know I cannot get used to how quiet the house is without Zoe. Zoe did all the asking and Koko followed her all excited she was asking for something. When Zoe started needing all the eye drops, I had to wait a minimum of 5 minutes between drops - in the morning she would get all the drops. I would lay on our chaise in the bedroom, drink a cup of coffee, listen to the news and she would come like clockwork barking it was time for the next eye drop because she wanted her chicken or potato.

This morning as I was sipping my coffee, Koko was sitting in front of me, very expectant. Out of nowhere he barked, one single bark. I stared in disbelief. I got up,we walked to the bathroom and I gave him his piece of potato. We have continued the tradition, he wanted it so, potatos at the bathroom door. I went to sit back down and sure enough about five minutes later he barked again!!!

Hubby and I just looked at each other in shock. Big Sis must be coaching him from heaven.:):):):)

When you have two dogs they entertain each other. It feels weird to be the sole source of entertainment for Koko. He follows me everywhere. Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to go walkies and he actually ran to the front door. Some days I sure dont feel like getting out of bed. I cant sleep well because of my arm, and the pain in my shoulder is always there besides the pain in my heart. I have to get up for Koko, continue carrying on for him. It is a blessing, I think.

Have a wonderful weekend, hug your pup, love them and live in the moment if you can.

[MBK]

Okay, Addy, I just HAVE to ask....do you keep potatoes in your bathroom??? :D

But, seriously, your post made me smile. Just this morning I thought to myself, Maxwell must be channeling Ali's spirit. I can see him starting to pick up some of the things she would do. Maybe it is like you said, Zoe and Ali may have initiated the routine but, Koko and Max were part of it too and need it to continue. They get to be #1 now and they will get us through this. Zoe and Ali taught them well.

Give Koko a belly rub from me and Max. Hugs to you as well, dear friend.

[My sweet Ginger]

It sure is a blessing, Addy. Little Koko is finally voicing himself now what he'd learned from Zoe over the shoulder all these years.
Yup, he's a smart boy and I don't think your house will stay so quiet for long now. Koko is stepping up to the plate and Zoe will be so proud of him and herself.:cool:

[addy]

MB, I laughed so hard at your question, it brought tears to my eyes, thank you for that. I bet you all thought we were nuts.:p:p:p

Zoe had so many eye drops we had to have a spread sheet to right down everytime she received one. On the vanity in the bathroom, we kept all her drops, the eye chart and a clock so we could record the time.

Throughout the day we would take a piece of potato from the frig in the kitchen and put it on a napkin on the vanity so she could have her treat as soon as the eye drop finished going in.

It got to be whenever I was in that bathroom the dogs would sit at the door wanting treats. Zoe would even go walk to the door and bark at us, where were her drops and treats? She had drops put in at 5:30 am, 10:30 am 2:00 pm, 3pm, 6pm and 9pm. It was always time for one or another drop as they were all timed differently. That was why we could never be gone for very long at one time. We did that schedule a long time, but we did not care and it was very rare that Zoe missed getting a drop.

[molly muffin]

hmmm, Mary Beth asks a good question... Do you keep potatoes in your bathroom? I looked in my bathroom but could not find potatoes. (think we were typing the same time! see you answered this, but you Still bring potatoes to the bathroom?)

You're right, these traditions are Koko's traditions too. He must have thought you'd lost your mind and forgotten what you were suppose to be doing all these days. I can just see is little mind figuring it all out.

"Hmmm, Zoe did this and it triggered mom to do what she is suppose to do, so maybe I am suppose to remind her now that it is potato time".

Then the joy, absolutely joy when you did what you are suppose to do and went to get the potato at the bathroom door.

But then!!

"ahhh hhhaaa 5 minutes past, she isn't getting up, I'll remind her".

You just know he is talking to Zoe in his head.

"Zoe she forgets!!! Now I know why you have to remind her all the time, you know this was a lot easier when you would do this for me!!"

Great news about the no surgery needed!

Have a great weekend!
love
Sharlene

[MBK]

Sooooooooo....you DO keep potatoes in your bathroom!!!! :D

It is nice to have a few laughs and smiles in between the tears. We really were VERY lucky to have had them in our lives.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
It sure sounds like Zoe is guiding her little brother to keep doing and remembering her. Zoe is here. Love reading about Koko keeping the tradition. I just can here Zoe saying "Koko get those potatoes! I taught you how to get them,so do it!"
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo, and his little brother Arial.

[addy]

I know, Sonja, Zoe was always so kind to Koko, always looked out for him until she was too sick to and then he looked out for her.

The two of them were pretty special; they had such a wonderful relationship. I love looking at the photos of the two of them together, to remember the bond between them.

My brother has stepped up to the plate and mom's party will be at his house next Sunday. He wanted me to be able to enjoy the day too. He said it is always Mom's birthday and I never celebrate the day for me. I told him I did not mind that but he insisted we have the party at his house. I am taking Koko with me.:D:D:D:D

I know he will be a good boy.:):):)

[molly muffin]

Yay brother! :) I'm glad he stepped up and that you and your mom will both be able to enjoy the day. (and Koko too :) :) )

love
Sharlene

[apollo6]

I am so glad to here about your brother doing it. Let your family take care of you. Don't be surprised if Zoe is watching over Koko. He is such a blessing for you and in his own way a part of Zoe is always with him. Be gentle with yourself.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo and Apollo's little brother Arial

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-I too am glad to know brother came to his senses without you having to use force.:D As we will be traveling and I may not get a chance, I wanted to let you know I'll be thinking of you on Saturday and hoping that the party is absolutely wonderful. You said this was her birthday party, right? Doesn't someone else have a birthday coming up? Is it the same day? Can Koko have a bite of cake? Take pictures!!
Love,
Sus :D

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Addy,

Thinking of you, hubby, darling Zoe and sweet Koko.

Sending tons of love and hugs your way. I know how hard this is.

Kathy

[doxiesrock912]

Brother finally stepped up. Yeah!!!!!
Happy Birthday to mum. I hope that you all enjoy the day!
Koko too of course.

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Thinking of you and hoping you have some joy come into your heart on your mom's special day. Blessings.
Patti

[addy]

My birthday is the same day as my mom's but we usually just call it mom's birthday and I celebrate it another day which really doesnt bother me. This year I told hubby I would rather not celebrate it another day, just have the one party.

We are both struggling a bit this week as neither one of us feel like celebrating anything right now. Hubby would always buy a birthday card for me from the pups. He said every time he goes to get one he starts crying and has to leave the store. I told him it was okay and he did not need to buy cards for me this year.

It is freezing cold again this morning 12 degrees so Koko and I could not walk. Last night I went to get a jewelry box off the shelf and found Zoe's plastic hamburger. Koko insisted on having it and held it and went to bed with it.:rolleyes: I had forgotten we had put it away the year she waas chewing her paws so bad as we were afraid she would chew up the soft plastic.

Such an impact this little fluffy dog from animal control had on our lives. She was our world and I have to remember hubby is grieving too. He loved her so. Zoe was our Kate in a minature, fluffy coat, I think.

My lap top is totally wacked out and I cant seem to get tech support to fix it. It takes forever to open things and I have high speed Uverse. It is driving me nuts because so often I cant wait and end up not being able to use it.:(:(


Stay warm and let's all hope for spring this weekend!!!

[apollo6]

Dear sweet Addy
Wish we could ease your pain and hubby's, but no one can. All I can say is each event without Zoe will be tough for now and like you said Zoe is always there because she was every part of your celebrations, life. Little acts will trigger the lose. Koko was taking apart of Zoe with him when he took the toy,smelling her presence.
Grief can be draining. But it is better to have loved as deeply as you do for Zoe than not to have taken that chance. Just think of the joy,the laughter,the love you would have missed not having this precious little girl in your life. We love so intense that it is only natural to grief to the extent we do. It has been over a year and a half and I still grieve. When Apollo was so sick,Mom got me a card for my birthday from Apollo saying he wanted to be here for me and thanked me for being his Mom.
You can still put Zoe's name on the card keeping her memory close to your heart,I still do. Don't discount your feelings. It shows how much you love her.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Trixie]

Hi Addy,
It's so sweet that Koko took Zoe's hamburger toy to sleep with him.
Don't blame you for wanting to keep your birthday celebration to a minimum. It's not an easy time for you, or your husband and those waves of sadness can be overwhelming at times. I appreciate his sensitivity and my husband would be the same, he has a strong bond with Trixie too.
I hope your Mom enjoys the dual party, I'm sure she will.

Barbara

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-
Love the hamburger story. Love Koko. Give him a big hug and a belly rub from us.:D
Love,
Sus

[doxiesrock912]

Addy,
your hubby sounds so sweet. Poor man, having to leave the store crying. I would do that whenever I walked by Valentine's Day (mom's birthday) or Mother's Day cards.

I wonder if the hamburger still has Zoe's smell on it? That probably comforts Koko.

[Trish]

Hi Addy

It's only 70 minutes till FRIDAY!!!! So that's close enough for me :D I hope this week is treating you kindly :) xxxxxx

[goldengirl88]

Hi Addy:
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. I hope both the birthdays are a huge success. Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

Awww, Koko is just adorable, sleeping with Zoe's hamburger.

Your poor husband, I am sure devastating for him in the store.

I hope that you and your mom both have a wonderful day and everyone gets to just enjoy it as much as is possible. I know Zoe will be missed by all.

love
Sharlene

[apollo6]

dear Addy
celebrate your Mom's birthday and yours . Zoe will be with you, in your heart, soul and precious. Koko will know. Be gentle with yourself. It has barely been a month. Sweet Zoe, thinking about you too.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[Trish]

Ohhh sweet girl, you are the last post on the page and I cannot have you falling off especially as it is FRIDAY TODAY!!!

Note, the colurs of this week's Friday post are green (grass) and yellow (daffodils) to signal the start of spring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope the party goes well for your Mum today, wow I hated hitting 50 so I bet 90 is a worry for her :D still that is a remarkable achievement and I think a lot is down to you and the good care you have provided your Mom!! Enjoy the part, and yay no cleaning up required from you!! xxxxx

[Mel-Tia]

Hey Addy

Just wanted to let you know although I haven't posted recently you and your sweet girl are never far from my thoughts. I would have cried my eyes out when Koko took the toy but how sweet he wanted it with him.

Happy Birthday to you and your Mom. I know you don't feel like celebrating and I don't blame you but the change of scene will probably do you good and at least you will be with family who love you.

Sending you the tightest hug.

Love
Mel
Xxxxxx

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Thinking of you and your mom. I hope you both have a good day. Zoe will be watching over you. Blessings
Patti

[Trish]

Hey Addy!!! is it your birthday yet? I know you said the party was going to be on Sunday and your birthday is the same day as your Mom's... is that the actual birthday though???? I would hate to miss this occasion! Well it is Sunday here in NZ so I am getting in early!!!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ADDY AND ADDY'S MOM TOO!!! XXXXXXXXXXX

[addy]

LOL, Trish !!!! Yes my birthday is Sunday and you have the advantage of time:):):):):):):):):)

I think I fixed my laptop well enough for it to limp along for awhile now.:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Koko went to the groomer for a bath and freshening up as he keeps insisting on walking in the mucky culverts. He is invited to the joint party tomorrow so I need to spruce him up for my brother's house (not quite as dog friendly and a wee bit, well, ALOT fancier than ours:p:p:p)

Hubby took me to the jewelry store this morning to pick out a pendant with Zoe's name to be engraved on it, it will be ready next week and I am quite thrilled as hubby has not bought me a piece of jewlery in quite some time and he said it was from Zoe which makes it even more special.

We went past a bakery advertising "French Macaroons" so we stopped in to purchase a dozen, hoping Kate might make it home for the weekend but her International Affairs professor selected Kate and another student to accompany him to our univeristy in Madison for a conference and I am so dieing to hear how Kate was selected to go but it means she cant come home today or tomorrow so we will see her for Easter.

And I bought myself a new blue leopard spot sweater which I thought quite fashionable as leopard prints are usually brown and black. Hubby had some great coupons for our local department store so I bought mom two sweaters and some pretty gray pants as well. We also found some books for mom so she has nice presents to open for her 90th birthday.

Thank you Trish and please dont worry about our Flynn. It has to be the prednisone. I am sure things will turn right again after he is off it. Gosh, I remember what that stuff did to me when they kept me on it for a month. My face swelled up like a little baby moon:o:o
But a short course of it should be ok. Dr Mike has your back and Flynny's too.:):):):):):)

[Trish]

Awwww love your hubby for getting you that pendant from Zoe... how special is that!!

RETAIL THERAPY!!! Love it, yes animal prints are all the rage, I see them everywhere! I did a bit of that myself yesterday after lunch with my friend we hit the shops.. I bought this hanger thing for my necklaces as they always end up in a tangled bunch, now I just have to screw it onto the wall today. Plus a new phone cover, a dress and a top. If you bought full price items in my favourite store you could buy something on the specials rack for $20 each, so I got two tops for my niece Jade as there was nothing there too my fancy!! Ohhh and a new throw for the couch with this colder weather coming. Every throw I buy somehow ends up in Flynn's possession! So this one is mine, but he is already sniffing it and cannot understand when I saw paws off little buddy!! LOL I bet he is on it by tonight!

Wheeeee Kate being taken to a conference by her professor, that's an honour but a bugger she is not home for your birthday. Still Easter is not far away either.

Thanks for the Flynny pep talk, I need it!! xxxxx

[Trish]

ps I want a macaroon... can't have you eating all 12 :D:D:D:D

[addy]

They are really good, six orange creme and six rasberry. I think I will take them to my brother's tomorrow. The bakery just started making them and Kate loves them. She is so funny - she sent a snaphot of one at a bakery near her school.

I just had a horrid thought, you dont think the professor is one of those lechs, dont know if I spelled that right, I had to disable my spell check to get my lap top to work:rolleyes: Her school is very small, only 1500 students.

Koko thinks he owns every throw in the house, so Flynn is in good company in that regard.

[Trish]

How old is he? I am sure he is not, they probably take students to give them the experience of attending a big conference. There are two of them too, so safety in numbers. I bet she is having a great time and learning heaps!! I bags a raspberry!!

[molly muffin]

ohh yes I'll have one too. LOL

Oh your hubby is so precious! What a special thing to do for you and for Zoe. Just perfect. That guy really knows the right thing to do.

ohhh, blue leopard coat with black pants and some boots, lovely! U B stylin!
:) Love it and just what a girl needs sometimes, especially around her birthday.

I bet Koko is looking precious with his new "do".

Have a wonderful day tomorrow. I'll pop in and wish you and your mum happy birthday then. Trish gets that added bonus of being first with the time difference. :) :)

love
Sharlene

[addy]

Koko came home with a red bandana - he looked soooo cute. He can wear it again tomorrow for the party.

I am waiting her for my suprise birthday dinner my daughter is bringing. Hubby blabbed so now I have to act like I knew nothing about it.:o:o:o:o:o:o She is coming over under the pretense of fixing my lap top which seems to be working fine now so I dont even get it. I wonder if it is my ATT Uverse causing problems. Arrrggg.

Ooops, here come Koko asking for his dessert. He finished his dinner and now gets two bluberries for dessert. At least he didnt eat the macaroons:p:p:p:p:p:p

[molly muffin]

Ohhhh, how lovely a surprise birthday dinner!! That is so sweet.
Have a blast! It's birthday weekend!!

Awww Koko in a red bandanna! Picture! Koko in his bandanna and you in your coat!! Yes! hehehe I like it.

LOL
love
Sharlene

[Trish]

Yes, pictures a must!!! I love dogs wearing bandannas.. they look so cute!!

Oh your lovely daughter, what a sweetie!! Naughty hubby lol Wish I could stop at two blueberries for dessert!! Such constraint :D Have a lovely meal with your family!! Yay, The Festival of Addy is Underway!!! xxx

[Trish]

Hey ADdy, I see you back!! I have not even left yet, still not dressed and it is 1.15pm... lazy day for sure LOL. Have you had your birthday surprise dinner yet? x

[doxiesrock912]

Addy,
the necklace sounds perfect! Hubby is a sweetie.

I'm sure that Kate is smart enough to take care of herself regarding the professor.

Happy Birthday!

[Spiceysmum]

Happy Birthday Addy and to your Mum too! Hope you all have a wonderful day.
Linda x

[Budsters Mom]

Happy Birthday Addy!! We love you! Xxxxxx

[goldengirl88]

Happy Birthday Addy, although I know you are unable to really celebrate . Hoping you have a good day, and that your mom enjoys the party. Blessings
Patti

[Iraklis]

Happy birthday to you Addy and your mom!
Hope you had a good time!

[Tina]

Oh Addy, the pendant with Zoe's name on it, what a beautiful and special gift. Way to go Hubby! How was your birthday dinner? I hope you have a wonderful day at your party and that your Mom enjoys herself. So happy you are bringing Koko. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AND YOUR MOM!!

Love and Birthday hugs,
Tina and Jasper

[My sweet Ginger]

Happy Birthday Addy and Addy's Mom!
Have a wonderful time at the party today for you and for all of us!
Hugs and kisses.

[addy]

Thank you guys, my suprise dinner was very special, daughter brought dinner, flowers, cake and a movie. I was so touched, she tried so hard.

Hubby gave me a beautiful simple card that has a saying from Confucius "Wherever you go, go with all your heart". He then wrote inside to me " That is why the beauty is so beautiful and the hurt so long and deep for you, for this is exactly what you do."

After everyone left, I cried myself to sleep. I had taken Zoe's bed out of my car finally, yesterday morning. I think I was not yet ready to do that. As long as it was there in my car, I felt her with me.

This morning, the sun is shining;it is a new day and I want Zoe to be proud of me. In her name and her memory, we will celebrate the day.:):):):):):):)

I posted this on another thread, I found it the other night:

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears

What a glorious rainbow, my Zoe gave to me.:):):):)

[molly muffin]

Happy Birthday Addy

and

Happy Birthday Addy's Mom! Lets hear it for 90!!! whoot whoot

I'm glad you had a nice evening brought to you by loving daughters!

That is exactly right. You go full throttle heart and that is a good thing. :)

love
Sharlene

[Trixie]

Happy Birthday wishes to you Addy and to your Mom too!! :)

Hope everyone enjoys the celebration!


Barbara

[doxiesrock912]

Addy,
despite the tears, it sounds like you had a wonderful day.
Your hubby gets it, he's awesome and I'm sure that he loves you for your wonderful heart <3

[addy]

Thank you all. The party was wonderful and Koko was such a good boy, everyone said they never saw such a good boy:):):) Mama is so proud of her Kokomo and he is invited back whenever he wants to come.:D:D:D:D My heart is busting with pride. I thought my nephew's wife was going to try to take Koko home with her.

My mom really had a beautiful day- what a beautiful, beautiful birthday party.

Im glad it was not here but at my brother's home. It made things so much easier.

Thanks for all the well wishes for me and for my mom. 90!!! Three years ago they said the odds were against her to survive her pelvic fracture. I followed my heart and did what I thought my father would want me to do and here we are, celebrating her 90th birthday. What a wonderful feeling this is, just for today as I know things can change rapidly. But just for today, I am feeling pretty darn good about it all.:)

[Trixie]

So happy to hear that today was such a happy day for you Addy! You deserve it!

Barbara

[apollo6]

So happy for you and Mom. Koko is stepping up to the plate.
Happy Happy belated birthday.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
I am so happy that you did have a good day. What a wonderful boy your Koko is and everyone loves him so. Keep your spirits up Addy I know it's really hard. Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

There is nothing wrong with living each day, one day at a time. It is no small accomplishment on yours And your mothers part for her to make it this far. I am positive your dad is proud as he can be, watching over you both. (with a little white ball of Zoe fluff by his side).

So glad you had a wonderful day. Awww, Koko has some fans it sounds like. :)

love
Sharlene

[Harley PoMMom]

Happy belated Birthday to you and your Mom!!! I was happy to read that the birthday party went so well, and that you had a good day. Aww Koko is such a good boy!!! Sending huge and loving hugs to you all, Lori

[Bailey's Mom]

Happy birthday to you, Addy, and your Mom!!!! :D I am so glad the party was a smash! :) I KNEW Koko would be a hit!! ;) It sounds like it was the perfect change of pace for you. :cool: Your husband sounds like a winner and I think you should keep him. ;) What does the charm look like, or is that personal and you'd rather not share? Did you know tomorrow is the beginning of April? Do you know in anybody's book that means SPRING? WARMER temperatures? :)
Love,
Sus

[apollo6]

take care of yourself. My sweet friend.
Thinking about you, Zoe and Koko. Hope you and hubby have a few good moments.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Trish]

FLY BY HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxx

[doxiesrock912]

One day at a time works wonders.
Hoping that your weather is improving. I see signs of Spring! Tiny purple flowers popping up here and there.

[Squirt's Mom]

You and hubby and Koko remain on my mind, in my heart and in my prayers.

((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Leslie and the gang

[MBK]

Hi, Addy. Sorry I am late, but,

Happy Belated Birthday!!

Sounds like you had a good day with your mom.

[addy]

Good Morning and thank you all for stopping by, I love the hugs:)

I have had problems with my shoulder so PT thinks it is too much too fast and has cut back on the weight lifting. I have this lump she says is a muscle knot from using my muscles incorrectly to lift my arm all those weeks. It causes pain everywhere when I have 2 pounds weights:(:(:(:(

Work is crazy busy and I am glad I have Koko or I would be staying late at the office for escape from reality. I have been emailing clients from home in the early morning trying to fix "problems" this week and I can see where this is all going, I did the same thing when I lost my Tinker cat after 21 years. I dont want to make that mistake again so Koko is my savior in that regard.:):):);)

Zoe's birthday is next week but the ground is still frozen so we wont be spreading her ashes yet. I expect next week will be hard. I still cry every day though not as long and I still see her tiny body in that oxygen chamber heaving so, trying to breathe and I get so upset. I find this all still very difficult and expect it will take a very long time before i can cope better with the pain of losing her.

We are trying to decide what upgrades we should make to the house so we can sell it. We have our must do list and we are thinking of upgrading our kitchen counter tops. Our kitchen is a galley kitchen and we are trying to figure out how to make it more appealing. We like it just the way it is but buyers seem to expect certain things these days.:confused::confused:

It is a sunny day and Koko and I got our long walk in this morning. He is such a good boy and he sure seems to enoy "visiting" people.
The other night he had all his toys strewn at the front door. I call our front door his "dog TV".

I have a bit of a sinus infection going on so have not been around much. Some days it is hard for me to come here but then I miss you all so much.

love you all

[apollo6]

Take care of yourself. Koko is the best medicine for you. Such a sweet little boy.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

Addy, big hugs. Don't be too hard on your self. There are going to be days that are particularly harder for you and it feels like you know that, but you also know that it is important to step back and Koko is an excellent reason to be able to do so. When it becomes too much, take some time to yourself.

So, house issues, kitchens and bathroom upgrades usually are the largest return for your money on selling a house. So as far as bigger expenditures, that is where I would concentrate. Anything else could be throwing good money away, if you aren't going to get it back in the sell.

Other than that, touch up like paint and accessory's can make the biggest difference. Before you actually put it on the market for people to come in and look at, stage it. Look at magazines to get ideas, but staging usually involves, removing anything that looks like clutter and personalities. You aren't selling your personality and your home, you are selling the buyer, their dream home, so they need to be able to see that potential when they walk through. I've done a bit a staging for people selling their homes. Neutral colors on walls, use color in accessories. It's interchangeable that way.

That is pretty much my immediate thoughts on home to do lists.

Yikes that shoulder sounds painful.

love
Sharlene

[Trish]

Crikey, we jumping straight to HAPPY SUNDAY this week, got an armful of hugs right here for you... oh and a bacon sammie! xxxxx

[addy]

We went to price out counter tops and one supplier was giving a free sink- I told hubby I did not want that double basin sink, Koko wont fit in it if he needs a bath, I like the sink I have now or one long rectangular sink.

We get to the car and hubby looks at me and says- but we are moving- the sink is not for you. Why would you turn down a free sink?:confused::confused:

I turned and just stared at him. "I guess I forgot that part":o:o

The sink is not for me??:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

This is not going to go well:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::(:(:(:(

[molly muffin]

Well, it's not for you, true, but it still has to be functional while you are there. :)

I have seen a double sink, and we have it in fact, where one side is much larger than the other side, making the second side, the like, vegetable cleaning side and the side we have a garbage disposal on.

Btw, Molly fits into the big side perfectly. hahahaha

I guess they only have one sink style? Maybe you could ask them, if instead of the free sink they want to give you, could they instead, knock off on the price of a sink that you would rather have. :)

This is not an easy task.

love
Sharlene

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
As a licensed Realtor I have to say you are right about the sink. Someone else looking at the house, especially the woman will be thinking the same thoughts. The kitchen is the most important to a woman and usually sells the house for her. If you are thinking that about the sink another woman will surely think the same. Hope you and Koko and hubby are well. Blessings
Patti

[doxiesrock912]

I agree with Patti.
My father remodeled their kitchen and opted for a two sided sink with each side equal to the other which made both useless if you needed a lot of room.

I warned him before he did it, but off he went and now he complains too :)

I like the idea of two sides, but with one smaller and the second larger.

[labblab]

Well, just to muddy the waters further ;) :rolleyes:, I love having two equal sized sink sections and wouldn't want it any other way (although we've opted for extra deep sinks in order to give more room to each side). I hate the little, smaller-sized second sinks and think they are a total waste of space. So my point being...there is no way to predict what a future buyer will want, and so you best please yourself and let the buyer worry about making changes later on down the road if she thinks differently. My two cents worth for the day. :)

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
To further the sink debate, I have one big, and much deeper sink. It can handle any job, very tall pots etc. There is nothing I cannot do in this sink. Are you able to tell the place where you are buying it that you will definitely purchase from them if the free sink is the type you want?? Hope you are well. Patti

[apollo6]

No comment on sinks:rolleyes:
Just checking in on you.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Trish]

Hi Darl, have not been around much but had to pop in and wish you a happy Friday and hope your weekend is good and you and Koko and hubby have something to smile about.... hmmmm my one good thing for today... well it is only just past 11am so have not been up to much yet... but my BFF rang and we were on the phone for 1 3/4hr solving the problems of the world, man so much catching up to do after not speaking a couple of weeks!! We decided we are going out tonight to a winery for karaoke:D .... we both think we will need quite a bit of wine before we inflict our singing on anyone else! Hugs for you Addy xxxxxx

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Thinking of you and hoping you and KoKo can enjoy some sunshine outside today. Blessings
Patti

[Trixie]

I love how everyone has different opinions on the sink! :) I have one big one...it is perfect for washing a dog. I can see the benefits on a double though I love one big one.
We have been doing quite a bit of work at my parents home to ready it for sale. The trouble for us is as we fix and spruce up one thing then something that looked okay looks old and tired!! We have a tad more outside work to be done and then that's it. The buyers will have to deal with the rest--or that will be part of the negotiations. I just hope we can keep the cover on the pool because it definitely needs some work and I don't want to start that now, it's time to list it and get on with selling!
Hope you all are doing okay and that Koko is enjoying the start of spring.

Barbara

[addy]

I loved the sink debate:) I would prefer one long one but it will all come down to $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ I think:o:o The equal double basin was 16" gauge and very nice for free. I always pick out the most expensive anything:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Spring was here for a few days, today they predict 1-3" of snow:rolleyes::rolleyes:

This virus has me down and out. I think it was God's way of trying to distract me from Zoe's birthday. I have to be careful my asthma does not flare up from it.

We are doing the best we can. I have been sorting through my mother's belongings stored in my basement. We want to recarpet the lower level family room and it is filled with mom's boxes.

How life changes. One day we wake up and everything is different, our loved ones are older and/or sick, or departed; time keeps marching at a fast pace and we just wish it would pause. I look around my home and remember back to younger days filled with promise and hope and wonder where the years went. They flew by.

Koko is still carrying around his plastic hot dog like a pacifer. Sweet, gentle boy, I think he is a forever puppy. We both so enjoyed the few days of warmer weather. We were briefly rejuvinated. Hubby even went to get charcoal as he thought Saturday was still going to be warm but alas, the temps plummeted so no burgers on the grill for us:(:(:(

Well, I am going to attempt to rally myself and head into the office for a few hours.

I hope you all enjoy your week.

One good thing to day- Koko snuggled next to me under the covers, streched out full length, his head on my arm. He got a good belly rub for that:):):):)

[molly muffin]

Awwww, doesn't that paint a pretty picture of Koko snuggling with you. :)

We had lovely spring weather here too for a bit, even today, thought rainy it isn't bad, but tonight... *sigh* snow tonight and tomorrow. Good thing is that it's spring!!!!! so it won't stick around, it won't be frigid as it was this winter and it will all melt in no time at all . By the weekend we should be back to seasonal. Maybe you can get the bbq going this weekend!!

We had to do that with my husbands grandmothers stuff that all ended up in our basement. Some stuff I sent to goodwill, some I mailed to family and some only made it to the garbage. (we just had the whole house shipped to our basement LOL) Some things are still there. Oh well, guess I'll work on that this year or next hahahaha

I don't know where the time goes but if you see it around anywhere, tell it to sit still for awhile. :)

love
Sharlene

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Yes the years go by. You lose loved one, parents aging,dealing with them getting older,while we are getting older also. Koko is such a sweetheart and a blessing for you to get through all this.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Budsters Mom]

Thank God you have Koko. He is such a love bug! xxxxxx

[doxiesrock912]

Our furry family members are good at making everything better. <3

[Trish]

Hi Addy

Hope your feeling better and have got rid of that virus, so hate being sick... no time for that sort of carry on!! I had my flu injection a couple of weeks back, we are lucky and are all encouraged to get it at work, it is free for all of us. Sore arm for a couple of days though, but I guess that is better than a raging flu!

Did you get to see the lunar eclipse last night, we had such a great view of it here. It started to fade about 6.30 pm,I was at a 60th party at a restaurant at the beach so we had a ringside seat with it over the ocean. It was so beautiful, but not as blood red as I thought it would be, more like a muddy pink. It took over 2 hrs for it to eclipse and then come back to brightness. Hope some of you got to see it!

Hope you have some time off for Easter and get to spend it with Koko and get out and about in the sun! xxx

[Squirt's Mom]

You were on my mind last night. I hope this virus is gone and that you are finding moments of joy in your memories of Zoe. If it helps, she is missed by many.
Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[addy]

Leslie, I'm down for the count. I had a flu shot so I am not sure what my boss gave me but it is wicked. I had to stay home from work today, my asthma is starting to flare up. This time of year if I get a respiratory bug it can end up causing pneomina and an asthma flare up because my allergies are kiciing in as well. I called my boss this morning wheezing into the phone and said I am NOT coming in. They will just have to deal with it and figure it out. I have been dragging myself to work and I should have stayed home before it got this bad.

I missed the blood moon , Trish it sounds so beautiful watching it on the beach. What a wonderful picture in my head.

I opened up Zoe's memory chest to finally put all the cards we received away. Big mistake, I could not stop bawling. Zoe brought such joy to my heart each and every day. She was a difficult dog, I always worried she would bite someone. Heck, she would bite me:rolleyes: But the good far outweighed the problems she had. I miss her personality, she was always engaged, Miss Spunk. Hubby used to call her the "Hoofer with the Woofer" I dont know what exactly that meant but we would laugh and then she would go do something silly. She liked it when we laughed.

I embrace and hold each memory so close to my heart and I cherish each one of them and they do make me smile. It is the last memories of her that cause so much pain, that last month of her life, the last day of her life, those memories will forever make me cry and break my heart over and over. But I guess that would be the case, as the rest of her life, those memories still bring such joy.

Her "birthday" is tomorrow. I want to smile and remember her as she was that first day she came to her forever home. Maybe I should copy her story here on her thread. Perhaps that would help me feel better.

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh, Addy, would you please? I'd love that. Zoe left such a big hole in everyone's heart. Miss her so.
Hope you feel better soon so you and Koko can enjoy spring weather.:)

[addy]

Life Before Zoe:

The family dog along with an array of cats accompanied me throughout my childhood. Candy, our German Shepherd mix, enjoyed sharing my bed. My brother would haul her into his room at night holding her close, wanting her to sleep with him. Patient as she was, she would lay very still. As soon as he drifted off to sleep, his hold loosening, she would escape, run to my room then jump up on my bed. Looking back on it, I had the bigger bed so she had much more room to stretch out. But as a child, I thought it was because she was my Lassie, my loyal, best friend. I can still close my eyes and have a vivid picture of the day my father brought her home. She was a tiny, furry thing, curled up in his left arm. My mother, in her apron, hands on her hips, was having no part of it. My brother and I rushed from the dinner table to grab her from my dad, all the while he was explaining, “But Betty, she’s a SMALL German Shepherd.” There was the month of “Stay in your box!” at night as my father tried to accustom her to our household. He kept her in a box in the bathroom with a blanket and an alarm clock. The ticking was supposed to calm her mimicking her mother’s heartbeat. I loved to crawl into the bathroom and lay next to the box.

Once I started my own family, the cats and the family dog tradition continued. Sassy was a pure bred Golden Retriever, as sweet as could be, loyal to all of us. I took her to obedience training, walked her and fed her, the usual duties that end up falling to the mom. I had no illusions of her being another “Lassie,” she was our family dog. When my husband and I divorced, Sassy stayed with me, my daughter and her cat, a birthday present from her father. Sassy started to sleep in my bed which was fine with me. I liked the warmth. But I did not turn to her for nurturing during my divorce.

After I remarried, an aging Sassy developed health problems so we eventually had to put her down. My family then consisted of me, my new husband and Tinker, my daughter’s tiny, black and white cat. Chris, my rebellious daughter, moved out on her own giving Tinker to my husband. We were happy the tiny cat was not going to room with Chris and a passel of other girls and cats. Tinker seemed to like remaining at home with me and was really attached to Jerry. She became our baby. I rocked her in the rocking chair and sang to her when she was ill. We brought her Christmas presents, birthday presents and went off the deep end. Tinker loved being an only child. We lived happily for many years.

Princess was a yellow and white short hair we found wandering around my employer’s yard. He took her to the humane society, sure that someone would be looking for her. She was the kindest, most loving cat we had ever met. When no one claimed her, we adopted her bringing her back to the factory. The cat was not allowed inside our offices, so she stayed outside in the courtyard with access to the basement through an exterior door in the yard. Since it was summer, she did not seem to mind. Princess hung out in the courtyard during the day, going down the stairs to the basement at night. I rushed to work every morning, my heart in my throat, terrified she would be gone. I would stand at the top of the basement stairs, calling her. There would be a flash of yellow and white as Princess bounded up the stairs jumping into my arms, purring like crazy. I would hold her close, so grateful she had not wandered off. I eventually talked my boss into allowing her to live inside. She became the office cat. Princess loved to sleep on my desk and share my lunch. It was a perfect life, one loving cat waiting for me at work, another loving cat waiting for me when I got home. I adored them both.

The perfect life had to end. I lost both of my girls. They each died in November, one year apart. I knew it was coming. Tinker was 21 years old. I had lived with her longer than any human, which was such an odd thought to me. There was so much history with her. She was an extension of me, really. She was a constant in my life, had always been there no matter what for twenty-one years.

Our veterinarian liked to say Tinker lasted so long because she was so mean. But she was never mean to me or to my husband. Besides, she was the runt of the litter and needed some spunk. It was that spunk that endeared her to Jerry. He loved a feisty girl. She went first. It broke my heart. I could not look at pictures of her, so I found a photo in a magazine of a little black and white cat with a pink nose, slinking through the grass. The picture was the spitting image of Tinker. I still have it hanging in my office today.

Not even the new kitten my boss presented to me one morning as I walked into to work could ease the hurt in my heart. She was a cute little kitten, but I couldn’t allow her to get close. He urged me to take her home to give her a chance. I refused, in tears. Little Luna became by boss’s cat, not mine. I dreaded going home and started spending longer and longer hours at the office. My husband worked most evenings so it seemed there was really no point to go home, home to an empty, quiet, dark house. At least Princess did not haunt me at work. Her picture brought me comfort so I glanced at it many times throughout the day. It was just easier to stay at work. I didn’t wonder why.

This brings me to the start of my story and my life with Zoë, the mutt with the butt, the hoofer with the woofer, the best little thing on four legs I could have ever imagined. But then, I am getting ahead of myself. For I really must start at the beginning; the beginning that finally brought me to an end.


to be continued on Zoe's birthday

[labblab]

Oh Addy, I hope you add Zoe's story, too. That would be so special for us all.

I've been sick all week with a very weird bug, also. It seems to change every day, but I never feel better :(. It started out with some sneezing, then coughing, then GI upset (?), now my ears are plugged. I periodically fill nauseated in between the coughing. And I can't taste anything and have no energy whatsoever. I am so sick of feeling sick...! The worst part is I have just been laying around and then that makes me dwell on things I'm sad about, and then I start crying, and then that plugs me up even worse. :( :(

On a brighter note, even though we had a freeze warning overnight, I don't think it actually froze right here. So hopefully the dogwoods and azaleas will keep on blooming through the weekend. I think it is finally spring here, and hopefully this was our last freeze. :)

I will be thinking of you and our Zoe as soon as tomorrow dawns.

Love, Marianne

P.S. While I was struggling with typing out my little note, I see you've started Zoe's story...Hooray!!! :) :)

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh boy, I better go and get a box of Kleenex before I start reading Zoe's story as I haven't been able to read one post by Addy without crying since sweet Zoe's passing.:o

[addy]

Before I finish her story tomorrow- a not so great video but you see Zoe in action

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4taodMJAuz0

I hope this works:):)

I cant stop laughing at it. My girl:):):)

[Squirt's Mom]

How cute! She's telling you to get on with the show already! :p:D:p That would be quite similar to Squirt...right up to the jumping part at which point she would have gone under or around! :p

[molly muffin]

I love the video of Zoe and Koko!!! They are soooo adorable!!!

I watched that before I even started reading Zoe's story, which I am very much looking forward to.

How such a little girl could have such a huge impact on people all over the world, well, that is mainly thanks to you Addy for sharing her with us and telling what is going on so well. You have a way with words, thats for sure.
I'm going to save the story for tonights read. :)

love
Sharlene

[Woodydog]

Fab video. Patiently waiting on the next instalment of Zoe,s life :)

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
I so enjoyed seeing your babies together. It is wonderful to have video of Zoe so you can still look at her. They are too cute together. Blessings
Patti

[addy]

After days of practicing "Zoe and Jump", graduation day approaches. I enlist hubby's help to take the final video. :):) The goal was to have them jump in sync- they were a tad off:rolleyes::rolleyes:

As you can tell at the end of it by my laughter, I am getting much more pleasure out of the exercise than hubby or the dogs!!!!! But that was life with Zoe, lots of laughter and then lots of tears.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ4SqQ5UsZc

[Budsters Mom]

The video is ADORABLE!! Thanks for sending me off to bed with a smile. :D

[addy]

Wanted: one loving fur ball to become a forever friend to sad, anxious human.

My current antidepressant, anti anxiety drug is a small, furry, twenty pound Lhasa Apso named Zoe. I like to tell people how I rescued Zoe from Animal Control. The truth is we rescued each other. I spent a year searching for a dog. Having never lived without a pet, the house seemed so empty and still. I figured I needed a different kind of pet, one that would not be a constant reminder of Tinker and Princess. A dog seemed to be the perfect solution. But was I really ready? Do we ever really know for sure? The only time I am ever really sure about anything is when I making a decision at work. For some reason I cannot adapt that skill to my personal life. It took me 3 months to pick out hardware for my kitchen cabinets and they weren’t REALLY what I wanted. I made do.

A lot of time was spent on my wish list. No puppies, only a female, preferably 2-3 years old, a small dog I could carry around and cuddle; housebroken, spayed, has to like kids and other animals. My husband figured my long list was a sub conscious way of never having to find a dog because I really did not want one. After all, wasn’t I asking for the perfect dog? Who would give up the perfect dog? Apparently, not too many people. Wow, the list of dogs on Petfinder was very, very long. Most of the dogs had issues. I never could make up my mind about any of them and I sure was being cautious, not wanting to pick the wrong dog. After all, she would be my buddy, my friend, my companion. I would tell myself I was not going to act like the people on TV, thinking she was my baby. I wouldn’t go that far. She would be my DOG. Yeah, right, little do we know. We can be so smug and so sure until the little package arrives into our lives. Funny how everything changes, little by little, as your dog looks adoringly at you. My sister in law remarked ”Nobody loves you like your dog.” Well for some of us that ends up working both ways.

There she was, the cutest little Shih Tzu with her head held in such an attitude. Her name was Rosalyn and she was at the local animal control. A rescue group had stepped in to find her a home. I filled out the application, held my breath then hit the send button, leaning back in my chair. I DID IT! I FOUND MY DOG!

Anxiety suddenly flooded through me. What if this was a mistake? What if it didn’t work out? No, no. I thought, don’t go there. Wait and see. I spent two days waiting to see while they checked my references. I was really getting excited and kept looking at Roz’s picture. She was so cute and she was the perfect size. Not really tiny but definitely a lap dog. Then the call came. I was at work so my husband took the call. Roz was adopted; I was second in line so the rescue group was calling to tell me about another dog needing a home. Amy assured my husband that the new orphan, Mokey, was really sweet and she was sure I would adore her. When would we come to meet her? Jerry told me the news and I was devastated. My dog was gone? The one I actually got up enough nerve to call about, try to adopt, was GONE? New dog? What new dog? But I wanted ROZ. “I don’t know about this” I told my husband. “I think I’ll wait and see.”

I remember the conversation with the rescue group.” Well, how old is she?” I asked.
The response was “She’s five and she’s really sweet.”
“Ha, I bet she is five going on nine!” I thought to myself. “Well, I really was hoping for a dog about two, maybe three years old”.
“But she’s really sweet”.
Hesitantly, I asked “Well then, what can you tell me about her?” I wasn’t sold yet. And so the story goes: Mokey came in to animal control because her second owner was arrested. Animal control would not give her back. She was raised from a puppy by a previous owner. They had her medical records, her original address, even the name of her vet. The rescue group was not sure how she came to the second owner but it was a few months previously. All attempts to contact her original owner had failed. I did not ask why the second owner was arrested. I did not want to know. “I’ll come tomorrow morning to see her.” I made the arrangements all the while thinking “She’s probably five going on nine.” My husband, Jerry, lobbied hard for Mokey. “Give her a chance, just give her a chance, you might be surprised. Amy said she is really a nice dog and you will love her. And did I tell you she’s really sweet?”

The next day I was a wreck. We drove across town to Animal Control. I was close to tears when I saw the building. Just the thought of what goes on inside was a bit too much for me. I’m just way too emotional. We walked through the doors, and had a seat to wait for Amy. The smell of urine was overpowering. I didn’t want to think of what was behind the door at the end of the hall. But then there she was, leading Amy down the hall. They went into an empty room. We joined them and I watched Amy let Mokey off leash. Mokey was panting anxiously, walking the perimeter of the room, smelling. She would not come to me or to Jerry. She would pant then go stand at the door looking back to us. Why didn’t I think to bring treats? I called to her but she just circled the room again. She was scruffy, dirty and needing a good grooming but there was something in that face, in those eyes. Her eyes were large and dark, rimmed with black. It looked like she had black eyeliner on. My husband saw more than I did. “She’s beautiful! She’s perfect. Oh, Addy, look how cute she is. What a nice dog.” He didn’t stop gushing. Jerry bent down and she actually approached him, sniffing. He reached to pet her head but then she quickly retreated.

“Well, she is cute, but she’s bigger than I thought she would be. What kind of dog is she? She sure doesn’t look like I could easily carry her around. Mokey must be about 20 pounds and about 17” tall, don’t you think? What, a Lhasa Apso mix? Okay, well then, hmmmm.” I wasn’t ready to commit but Amy was seeing it another way, taking her cue from Jerry. She took out her cell phone and made a call, arranging a free grooming for the little dog. “You can pick her up tomorrow afternoon. You’ll love her and she really is very, very sweet.”

On the drive home, I began feeling overwhelmed. What had I done? What if the little dog did not like me? Did I really want a dog? Again the insecurity flooded through me. But then my heart took a leap and the train of thought changed. What do I need? What kind of food should I buy? Does she need a bed? My mind raced on. I have to change her name. I thought I was getting a King Charles Cavalier. At least that had been my hope and I was going to name her Chloe. Mokey did not look like a Chloe. But I had my heart set on that name. I waited more than a year for my Chloe. Chloe. My Chloe. Is that finally you? I started crying and could not stop and I could not tell you why.

We waited for Amy and Mokey the following morning, casually speaking to a rescue volunteer. I cried during most of the drive to the meeting site. Had I logged in about three hours of sleep the night before? Doubtful. My emotions were raw and unchecked. But there we were, Jerry and I, waiting for my new dog. She pranced in ahead of Amy, utterly transformed, so white and fluffy with her honey colored ears and spots, the most beautiful ears and tail I had ever seen. Her eyes were bright as she looked at me. Amy handed me the leash. At that moment it was all over for me. My heart beat hard, love swelling up, catching in my throat. Love at second sight? Yes, definitely. I was head over heels in love with my dog and there would be no going back. MY DOG. My, wait a minute, not my Chloe, she was so not a Chloe. Zoe? Yes, Zoe, impish, a bit naughty, MY ZOE and the love affair began.

Amy and I sat down on the floor with Zoe between us. I looked at her beautiful long tail. She flipped it up over her back, carrying it high. The silky white hairs reached to the floor. “I was worried you might have her tail cut” I whispered to Amy. She ran her fingers through the beautiful honey colored strands hanging from her ears. “No, I would never do that. You know, her ears are really small under all this hair.” I felt her ears. They were small beneath the long hair. “Thank you for my dog, Amy” I said softly, barely able to get the words out. Amy’s eyes were suspiciously misty. “Addy, when I brought her out of animal control and opened up the door to my car, she jumped up onto the front seat. I had put a towel down for her. She turned in a circle, lied down, licked my hand, then sighed and went to sleep. I think she just wanted out of that place so badly.”
“That’s why she kept panting and going to the door.” I guessed.
“I normally am not a small dog person” Amy continued, “but she’s special and I think misunderstood.”

Amy had a bittersweet look on her face as we said our goodbyes. I think she was going to miss her little friend. Jerry paused for a moment then decided to make an extra contribution to the rescue group. I held the leash tightly as we left the building. Our new family, Zoe, Jerry and I, headed for home. During the ride, Zoe sat quietly on my lap in the car looking out the front window. It was a long drive but she sat still, very keen on watching the world go by. Her new world I thought. We watched the cars go zipping past us, the city in the distance. We passed the mall, driving through the suburbs toward Bayside and our wooded two acres. Then a funny thing happened. Jerry finally slowed the car down, exiting the freeway. We made the turn onto the tree lined, winding lane which led to our home. Suddenly, Zoe got very excited. She jumped up, putting her paws on the dashboard, making little crying sounds. Did it remind her of another place? Jerry and I looked at each other. What was she thinking we wondered? Where did she think she was going? As we turned into our driveway, passing the tall pines, her excitement grew; the whimpering getting louder. Jerry parked the car and came around to open my car door. As soon as the door opened, Zoe leaped out of the car down onto the cement. She sniffed the pavement, and then pulled to the grass, wagging her tail. Her black eyes shone with joy as she looked at us, her mouth parted almost in a smile. “We’re home Zoe, it’s your new home.” Jerry told her as he walked to the front door. He opened the door, smiled and waited. Zoe sniffed the ground again then looked at me expectantly. Heading for the door, I called” Come on Zoe let’s go, let’s go in”. I did not think to allow her to explore her new yard, sniff out all the trees, nor to relieve herself. But as I lead her into the house, I made her a promise. “I will take care of you for as long as you live and I will never allow anything bad to happen to you again.' Together we walked through the door of her forever home.




A few weeks after writing the first chapter of Zoe’s story, Zoe received a tentative diagnosis of Cushings disease. Actually, it was on her “birthday” April 17th, 2010.
During the following almost four years of Zoe’s journey with Cushings, I tried so hard to finish her story but words never came to me. I found myself writing instead, short paragraphs; a moment in time, a brief experience, a poem of joy or of anguish. How is it possible to write it all down, I wondered? I can only manage snippets. Perhaps that is all it should be - the story of my life with Zoe is moments of living in the now, whether good or bad. It may be the only way to do our life together justice; share the raw emotion in a few sentences.

My favorite “short” of my life with Zoe and that which best sums it up is “ Just A Friday Morning”.

So Zoe- Happy Birthday Darling and I thank you - for each day of our lives together was an awe inspiring “ Friday Morning”:

We lay on the floor together, my Zoe and I, in front of the glass door. A refrigerator hums in the background while a TV plays softly; white noise. The drips from the eaves are a steady plunk, plunk, plunk. Cardinals sing their song repeatedly with a crow cawing a chorus. Poplar leaves rustle in the gentle breeze. Two birds fly high over the tall evergreen. A lone mosquito, flies back and forth. We watch Friday morning go by, my pup and me, her breath to mine.

Thank you all for helping celebrate Zoe.

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/album.php?albumid=204

[labblab]

Oh Addy, what a beautiful story.

Happy Birthday, precious Zoe! Thinking of you and your mom and dad with much love, our sweet baby girl.

You have filled all our hearts and lives with your big, big spirit - and always will.

So many hugs on this special day of honor and celebration ~
Auntie Marianne

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
It seems unreal to me that you and Zoe, the icons of the site would!d not be together to celebrate her birthday. You have many wonderful memories to hold in your heart. Happy birthday Zoe, God bless you.
Patti

[Squirt's Mom]

Beautiful, Addy, just beautiful...in all ways. Thank you so much for sharing.

Happy Birthday, precious Zoe! You are a blessing to so many, just as is your Mom.

[My sweet Ginger]

Addy, I so enjoyed the videos and thank you for the Zoe's story. I've been wanting to know since she stole my heart how she came into your life and made the world around you so much richer and meaningful with her beauty, charm and spunk. I've wondered who in their right mind would abandon such a precious and happy creature?
Now we all know sort of, so thank you for that.

I know today will be a very hard one for you, celebrating Zoe's birthday without her for the first time. I pray that you will still find strength and somehow make today into a meaningful day that is filled with happy memories of you and Zoe together and also hope that somewhere in there you will be able to smile between tears.
Missing Zoe on her sweet birthday. Song.

[Woodydog]

Happy birthday lovely Zoe, thanks for sharing her story it's is a beautiful story

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
I enjoyed your reading Zoe's story. I kept wanting to read on. You are such a talented writer. A long time ago you said you would write a book. I hope you write that book,it would be an honor to Zoe, shelter dogs and Cushing fur balls.
Zoe happy happy birthday.
I will try to post the story of Apollo I started but never finished.
Zoe we love you and Addy.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
P.s. Grateful for the video's

[molly muffin]

I love the story and video's. Gosh she was so full of personality.

Happy Birthday beloved Zoe. You touched many and still do.

love
Sharlene

[Trish]

How cuuuuuute are those two jumping over that stick like mini steeplechasers!! Love it! They never took there eyes off you waiting for the command to gooooo! Love the look of anticipation :D:D Such fun times for you to look back on and it's Zoe's birthday too!!! So Happy Birthday little Darling! Glad you worked out the youtube thing Addy, you technowhizz!! Another story fan here :D xxx

ps... oh yes it is Friday now, here we are 8am and I would usually be in my early Friday meeting, but I'm not... it's Good Friday.... I must have an egg :eek:

[Trixie]

I am melting over the jump game videos...could Zoe and Koko be any cuter? They're darlings. I love how Zoe barks in the first video. Her personality so evident in her eyes and her expression...special for sure.
They are both so cute when you tell them "dogs stay"...they are staring with such concentration...so, so adorable! I love it. Also that little wooden jump set is the cutest thing!! Like a mini horse jump! :D

Zoe's story is beautiful and you tell it with real emotion. I loved reading it and happy you posted it in honor of Zoe's birthday. What a sweet pup.

Barbara

[doxiesrock912]

Addy,
I had tears running down my face the entire time while reading Zoe's story.

I had to laugh at her sassing you while you told them to stay in the videos. :)

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
What a cute video, I am so glad you have all this to see and preserve your Zoe's memory. I hope you and KoKo and your family have a blessed Easter.
Patti

[molly muffin]

Hope you have a lovely Easter weekend Addy.

love
Sharlene