Zoe By My Side- Our Journey with Cushings

[labblab]

Oh Addy, I just walked in the door and am reading about Zoe! I am so, so sorry and am sending my prayers to you all.

[addy]

ER just caled, ultra sound shows same as last year, nothing changed.

They believe this is all neurological and that she either threw a clot to her brain or has sweling on the brain. They spoke with her IMS and they feel we need to start considering that we need to euthanize Zoe, the prognosis is very guarded and she is on support and showing no improvement. Her breathing and heart rate is still bad. She has no improvement.

I dont know what to say or do. I have to make a bad decision now.


Does this sound right? What they are teling me?

[Trish]

Hi Addy
Shite, that must have scared the bejeezus out of you. I am so sorry to read Zoe has had to go in to the ER. Sounds like she has settled somewhat and no sign of bleeding in tummy is good news. Hope they figure out what happened soon to our sweet girl. Big hugs for you and hubs who must have got such a fright too... xxxxx


*****PAWS UP ZOE*****

[Trish]

I just read your note, you may need to start considering it but it is pretty hard to do when it has been so sudden. I think if it was me I would give her a little more time Addy to see if she is going to get any better. But then I am not the one seeing her. What does hubby think?

[Squirt's Mom]

Sweetheart, if you can, go look in Zoe's eyes and ask her. Sounds silly but you might be surprised what you will see and hear...and take your cue from that. YOU know her best of all. No matter what, I know you will choose the best, the right, thing for her....and so does Zoe.

We stand beside you, holding you and hubby in our arms, lending our shoulders and strength....and always sending our love to all.

Through tears and heart-break,
Leslie

[molly muffin]

Addy, right here with you. Threw a clot to the brain, does that mean she had a stroke? Heart rate is high, erratic, but what are they doing for her? Do they think there is any chance for her? How is she when she looks at you? Clear eyed, engaged, I agree, see what Zoe tells you and talk to your hubby about it.

This is a horrible position to be in and way too sudden. Can you bring her home at all? Is she stable enough?

I don't know the answer. I wish I did. :( But you know whatever you decide it is because it is what is best for Zoe and we support you in that decision.

love
Sharlene

[labblab]

Oh Addy, this is so sudden and so awful! It is so hard for any of us to think straight.

These are the two questions that come to my mind:

Do they think she is suffering now?
If she does indeed rally enough to come off support, what are the odds that she'll have lasting damage from this episode?

In other words, what is the best case scenaro? If even that is not good, then I am thinking that will influence your decision.

[Mel-Tia]

I wish I knew what to say to help. It's such a shock for you am sure you must be reeling.

Am thinking of you and sending lots of love xxx

[Budsters Mom]

I am still here with you Sweetie. I know how hard that decision is and no one should ever have to make it. You are an amazing mom and Zoe needs that. You'll do the right thing for her when the time is right.

Big hugs,
Kathy

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-I am so sorry for today's developments. I know you and hubby are hurting horribly. I agree with Leslie. If you can, go and talk to Zoe. I knew from Palmer's eyes that enough was enough. Zoe has been such a trooper as have you and your husband. I don't know what you will see in her eyes, but I believe you will find help toward your answer. I know you will make the right choice, because you will do what is best for Zoe, as you always have. You cannot make a wrong decision here. All of us are with you and will support you through this horrible experience. If you leave her there overnight....when you go, remember to take her collar with you, if you haven't already. It might be important to you.

I love you. I am sitting on your right shoulder. I am holding your right hand. I am ready to hug you whenever you need a hug. My heart is aching for you, hubby and Zoe. Please give her a kiss from us. I am so very sorry.

Love,
Sus

[Woodydog]

I,m here too, we are all right here for you and sweet Zoe

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
I am praying, and praying for all of you.
Patti

[Tina]

Oh Addy, I can't believe what I am reading. I am just torn up with this news. I am here too, sending lots of love and prayers. I know how scared you must be.

Love and big hugs,
Tina xo

[MBK]

Oh, Addy.

I just came to your thread to catch up on you and Zoe and my heart is breaking for you. Everyone says you will know when it is time and they are right. When their quality of life has declined so much and there is no hope for improvement, when they are suffering, you will know. But, it is also the hardest decision you will probably ever make. You have always acted in Zoe's best interest and this will be no different. Remember your recent words to me. Please know that I am right there with you in spirit.

[Roxee's Dad]

Oh my Dear Addy... I am so sorry you are going through this gut wrenching time. I know you will give Zoe every chance and I pray for a good outcome.

(((HUGS))) to you and very gentle belly rubs to Sweet Zoe.....

[addy]

We just came back from seeing Zoe. I spoke with her IMS for an hour on the phone. She said it possible she may have had a seizure not a stroke but we did not see any urine or stool. She said if it was a seizure there was a chance she could recover quickly. If it was a stroke whow knows? We taked about Zoe's decline since Thanksgiving, we talked about everything we have been through. I told her I thought Zoe dererved 24 hours of support in the ER that it was too soon to make this call, I wanted her to have a little more time.

Then we went to see her, I have never seen her this bad ever. I lay on the floor with her and looked into her eyes and I told her it was okay to leave me. Her eyes told me to let her go but then she started breathing quietly and closed her eyes and went to sleep and seemed more peaceful. We told them we thought we would let her go now and be at peace. They gave us some time with her, I picked her up and held her to my chest and breathed in and out like I aways do. She became very quiet in my arms. Then she stirred suddenly. I put her back down on the floor as I thought I had hurt her. She picked up her head and barked at me like she does when she wants me to hep her up so I helped her up and she stood by herself. They said she could not do that.

I told them to give her the chance. They will do another chest xray to make sure she did not asperate anything and they will give her prednisone in case she has sweling on the brain.

We will see her tomorrow and decide whether to release her or not.
I feel in my heart I will be saying goodbye to my beloved tomorrow.

[Harley PoMMom]

Oh dear Addy, I am just so sorry, my heart is breaking with yours. Sending love and strength along with healing energy, Lori

[doxiesrock912]

Oh Addy!

This just plain sucks and I'm bawling as I read your words.
We'll all be praying for miracles!!!!! Standing up and barking at you are good signs in my mind, considering that they told you that she couldn't do that before. Hugs!

[Squirt's Mom]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))) ))))

[molly muffin]

Honestly I felt like I couldn't breath as I read your post.

If ever you had any doubt of your ability to bring Zoe peace and comfort in the worst of times, you cannot doubt it now. Zoe wasn't ready right then to go and if there is a chance, then I think she'll take it. We don't know what tomorrow will bring, and if it must be, then I think she will tell you.

I too am praying for a miracle, anything, as the tears stream down my face.

love and hugs Addy,
Sharlene

[MBK]

Dear Addy.

I can't believe what I am reading. I know what you are feeling. I was in that position last Thursday, of thinking it was time and then needing to give it just one more day. In Ali's case, hoping for an impossible miracle. Yet, knowing the next day would be it.

I wish I had words for you that would help, but there really are none. Trust your head, because your heart will not want to let go ever.

Sending you hugs and keeping you in my thoughts.

[Budsters Mom]

Oh sweet Addy, my heart is breaking with yours.:o

(((((HUGS)))))

[Squirt's Mom]

Addy, here is my prayer for all -

What you described sounded so much like what I saw my dad do several times after surgeries / procedures. He would seem to have no connection, usually termed "non-responsive", vitals out of whack, just didn't look too good. They would call whoever was there back to post-op / recovery because they weren't sure he was going to make it. Once he was aware someone he loved was in the room with him, he kind of woke up, then relaxed into a more normal sleep, and things started to balance out.

I pray our sweet girl was confused by the event and waking up in a strange place but when she knew her mom was holding her and breathing with her again, she did the same as my dad, she woke up and that tomorrow will be even better.

Get some rest, as best you can. Angels watch over you all.
Leslie and the gang

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

You and Zoe have such a bond. She loves you and whatever you do. It is right. Big big hugs and love

[Casey's Mom]

Oh Addy, I am so sorry to hear about sweet Zoe. I am holding you and giving you as much love and strength as I can..... ((((((hugs))))))

Hugs and prayers to you my dear.

[addy]

ER just called. She is back on oxygen, having trouble breathing, she cannot stand more than 5 seconds again. They gave her a steriod injection, it is not helping.

I will release her in the morning, I wont alow this to go on any more than that. I have never wanted her to suffer.

[lulusmom]

I am so sorry, Addy. My heart and lots of love are with you and your hubby. I know how incredible hard this is for you and I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better but I can't. Just know that you are all in my prayers and I'll always be here for you.

Huge Hugs,
Glynda

[Budsters Mom]

I am very sorry too.:o I so wish I could do something to help you as my heart is breaking with yours. My thoughts and prayers are with you and hubby. Sending you much love and strength. Xxxxx

Kathy

[Trish]

Hi Addy

I am back for the night, sorry to read this. Can you go in now and sit with her and see for yourself what is going on? x

[Mel-Tia]

Hey Addy

I just woke up and came straight here to see how you are both doing, so sorry to read she is still struggling.

We all know you will do right for your girl as that's all you have ever done

I am so sorry you are all going through this

Mel
X

[Trish]

Hi Mel
It is nearly 1am where Addy is, she has just gone offline... hopefully to get a bit of rest. I am just going to take Flynny for a walk now it is has cooled down. Back in a bit x

[Mel-Tia]

Ok Trish, I will stay on in case she comes back x

[Budsters Mom]

It's 11:30 PM here. I'm still here waiting in case Addy returns too, but am getting very tired. I've had a very long day, but not as long as Addy. Xxxx

[Budsters Mom]

It is 1:45 AM where Addy lives. I hope that she's getting a little rest or has gone to sit with Zoe tonight. I know that she's not sleeping. None if us would be.

We love you Addy. Zoe knows how much you have always adored her.
Xxxxxx
Kathy

[Budsters Mom]

I'm going to try to rest for a while. I'll check back in a few hours when Rosie gets up for her potty run. Thanks for staying ladies. Xxxx

Kathy

[Mel-Tia]

Ok Kathy. It's only 8 am here so I will be around xxxx

[Trish]

I am back too, so hot on our walk and it is dark now! Blech I hate the heat. Only 9pm here so we can do the night watch Kathy :)

[Budsters Mom]

Thanks Mel. I'll catch up with you a little later today. Xxxxx

[Budsters Mom]

Thanks Trish and Mel,

I want to stay and wait for word. I know not to push too hard because I get chronic migraines. I'll check back in a few hours. Xxxxx

[Tina]

Dear Addy,
I am so sad to read the latest update on your sweet girl. I too am so sorry you are going through this. Sending all my love and prayers to you all. xo

Love,
Tina

[Tina]

Hi Mel and Trish,
I'm here too for a bit. I'm so tired, but worrying about Zoe and can't sleep at all.

[Mel-Tia]

Hi Tina

Sorry you can't sleep, it's so hard, wish there was something more we could do.

Addy- we are all here sending you our love and positive vibes for miss Zoe. Paws up Zoe

Mel
Xxxxx

[Trish]

Hi Tina... I hope you brought chocolate!

[Tina]

Yep, I've got the chocolate girls. Both milk and dark. :rolleyes: Trish I was just getting all caught up on Flynn, and will post more on your thread later. And the mention of chocolate reminded me that I never filled you in about that Crunchie. Must do that later also.

I wish there was something more we could do for Addy too. This is so tough, no way around it.

[Trish]

She knows we are here keeping the faith... xx

[addy]

By beloved found eternal peace at 2:30 this morning. She died in my arms after going into respitory distress. I could not let it go on any more.

[Spiceysmum]

Dear Addy,
I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your husband.
LInda

[Trish]

Oh Addy, so pleased you went to her. But so sorry to read this tonight... We love you and will be here for you as long as you need us. Nothing is coming to mind to say to you right now but sending all my love to you :(:( RIP darling Zoe xxxxxxxxxx

[addy]

They called us to come to her. I did not want her to die alone. She was in the oygen chamber,, her breathing was really bad.

I cant really talk now, thank you for hanging out on my thread. Love you all for that.

She is at peace now, no more pain. She fought so hard. I am glad she struggles no more. I knew she wasnt coming home. I asked God a few days ago to send me a sign, what to do, then she rallied so hard for three days. It was his gift, I think before he took her.

My brave little girl, so full of life and spirit. I love you my darling

[Tina]

Oh Addy, I am so so sorry. But relieved to know that you were with her. I wish there was something I could say to help ease the pain. Sending love and tight hugs. We are here for you. Love you. xo

[Trish]

You don't have to talk Addy, we just wanted to be here to let you know how much you and Zoe are loved. I just knew you had gone to her earlier, I am so so glad you went, you always do the right things for your girl. She was a brave little girl, just like you. We are hanging around here because we want to be here for you just like you have been there for us during the hard times.... so you just talk when you feel up to it x

[Mel-Tia]

No talking required. We just want you to know you are not alone. We are right by your side if you need us.

Run free, sweet little Zoe.

Love you
Xx

[Tina]

Yes, you are never alone Addy.

[Trish]

Group hugs everyone.... Addy in the middle (((ADDY))) Hope you get a bit of rest tonight Addy, give Koko some hugs from us too xxxxxxx

[Tina]

Group hugs are wonderful things. xo

[Woodydog]

I'm in on the group hug, I'm so sorry Addy

Run free Zoe

[Budsters Mom]

So sorry to hear that our Sweet Zoe has crossed the rainbow bridge. It is hard to find words right now. Know that we are by your side today and every day.

Many soothing hugs,
Kathy

[Trish]

Hi Addy

I am going to bed which I hope is where you are too, will be here tomorrow night and the nights after , soif you wake up in the night come and have a peek in here and we will be here for you. I know you will have a million messages on here as people wake up to hear your sad news, soak up all the support from everyone and take care of you and yours... if you need to stay in bed for the day with your head under the blankets.. do it! xxxxx

[labblab]

I am here, too, Addy. I am here, too. Closing my eyes and sending you love and strength, and sending Zoe comfort.

[infoviewer]

Oh Addy: I am crying for you because I know your heart is broken. Always remember you did the best for Zoe until the end. It is so hard to lose our beloved dog. I try to think that our dogs are not in pain any more and we have taken their pain. Zoe and CoCo and all the precious pups are at rest now, no more sickness or pain. You know you have to grieve at your own pace. Zoe was the most cared for dog and everyone here knows your pain. We all love you and we loved Zoe. In caring love, JoAnne

[molly muffin]

I am so very sorry Addy. She tried so hard but she is now at peace breathing and playing and running with those who have gone before.
Much love
Sharlene

[mypuppy]

Rest in peace precious Zoe. Running free with all your many, many sweet friends and my girl Princess at that Rainbow Bridge. What a joyful image! You will always hold a special place in all our hearts.

Sweet Addy, I love you and tight group hugs coming your way.

OOOOOOOOOOO. Jeanette

[goldengirl88]

Dear Addy:
I wanted to log on and see how Zoe was before leaving to find Grace a new home. I was so shocked and saddened to hear Zoe left you. I am glad she was with you in your arms as she has always known that special love from you. This is so hard as you and Zoe are like the icons of this site. It will never be the same here, but Zoe will live on thru those of us who loved you both. Zoe fought a valiant battle and had a very long journey thanks to the loving care of her mom. Rest in peace sweet Zoe we will remember you always and think of you each day we log on here. Run free Zoe and play with the others that crossed before you. God Bless you and your husband Addy.
Patti and Tipper

[addy]

It was so hard to see her struggle to breathe, my beautiful little girl.

The house is filled with her, every room, little rugs, runners, her meds had taken over the bathroom, sweaters, coats, dog beds, dishes , food, bowls, toys

How could one little girl have so much stuff?

She is at peace now and hopefully I will find peace too, once I can sleep.

[Squirt's Mom]

May you know that absence is full

Of tender presence and that

Nothing is ever lost or forgotten.

May the absences in your life be full of eternal echo.

May you sense around you the secret

Elsewhere which holds the presences

That have left your life.

May you be generous in your embrace of loss.

May the sore of your grief turn into a well

Of seamless presence.

May your compassion reach out to the ones

We never hear from and may you have

The courage to speak out for the excluded ones.

May you become the gracious

And passionate subject of your own life.

May you not disrespect your mystery

Through brittle words or false belonging.

May you be embraced by God in whom

Dawn and twilight are one and may

Your longing inhabit its deepest dreams

Within the shelter of the Great Belonging.

From John O’Donohue’s Eternal Echoes-Exploring our Hunger to Belong

[Mel-Tia]

Do you like milky drinks maybe make a cocoa or hot chocolate. Hot sweet tea can also be good

I am here with you so if you can't sleep your not on your own. Dont have to talk unless you want to. Am holding your hand from here Addy xxx

[labblab]

How could one little girl have so much stuff?

Because she is loved so dearly, and forever will be.

Her body may have been small, but her spirit fills the heavens.

[MBK]

Oh, Addy.

My heart aches for you. I know what you mean about the "stuff". I see Alivia's everywhere. For little ones they really did have a lot! You loved Zoe with all your heart and she had a good life with you and your husband. She is now free from pain and all of those medications. But, I know there is a huge hole in your heart. I feel it, too. For me, the kind words and true understanding of everyone here has been a tremendous comfort. I hope that is true for you as well. Hopefully Zoe and Alivia found each other and finally got to meet. We each have a special angel now, for sure. I will cry extra tears today.

[My sweet Ginger]

Dear Addy,
I've been hoping and praying for Zoe's rally back but my heart's been broken into million pieces for you and Zoe this morning.
I've just read a very few of your earliest posts and found out that Zoe was with only for not quite 7 years. Too short of a time to enjoy and cherish each other especially the way you've loved one another but I think the quality of happy times you two have shared in those short years were immeasurable. She was one lucky and smart pup to have picked you and your husband as her eternal mom and dad and I know she is forever grateful to you both for all those showers of love and affection she got everyday of her life with you two.
I wish I knew how to take some of your heartache away but I'm afraid I don't. The only thing I can say is I'm so very sorry, Addy. I can't stop crying for you and your sweet Zoe. I'm so sorry.

[addy]

Even Koko is here because of Zoe. Everything we did revolved around our little girl. When her best friend moved away;he lived next door, we adopted a brother for her. She missed Izzy so much she would sit at the fence and wait for him to come to her. It broke my heart so we adopted Koko for her. And she was so sweet to him, he had so many issues. Koko has never stayed alone in the house without her. I am very worried about how we will leave him alone when hubby leaves for work.

Mel- I am so glad you are safe from the storms. I always worry about you when I read the headlines.

Zoe was my heart dog, the one that comes around once in a lifetime.
Our time together was too short. She came form Animal Control.
Part of me died with her in those early morning hours. I knew that it would.

Koko does not look so good. He has no place to poo, our yard is all ice. I best take him out again.

[spdd]

Oh Addy.... words can't express how terrible I feel for you. I am so, so sorry to read this about Zoe. You've been such a support for everyone I hope you can find some peace knowing we all care so much.

Zoe is free now, even though our hearts hurt. I sure hope you can find some comfort today and in the days to come.

God Bless!!

[Bo's Mom]

Oh Addy,
My heart aches for you. I am at a loss of words. Find peace my friend as Zoe is now running free of all she endured here on Earth but at the same time watching and connected to all who loved and cherished her every second of the day she was here with us.

[Squirt's Mom]

Dearest Addy,

There are no words to express the sorrow I feel for you and hubby today. I had so hoped and prayed that Zoe was channeling my dad but I woke up in the wee hours this morning and knew that was not the case. She had, instead, been telling you “Thank you, Mom” – for always hearing her and understanding, for giving her the very best home and family a dog could dream of, for loving her with all your might every second of every day, for giving your all on her behalf, for being her mom.

She relaxed in your arms last night because she was at peace in her Soul, she was where she most wanted and needed to be at that moment. She relaxed to let you know that her breath would always be mingled with yours, that her heart would always beat in perfect harmony with yours. She relaxed to give you a tiny glimpse of the world she saw before her, a world of indescribable beauty and complete freedom to simply Be. She relaxed to let you know that even tho your suffering was just beginning hers was at an end and in that end she is whole and strong once again. She relaxed to let you know this was not a true ending as we understand it but another beginning; a beginning full of Light, Peace, and Comfort for her. She relaxed to fill you with her enduring love and the promise that you will meet again. She relaxed to give you the greatest gift she could.

Sweetheart, you and hubby do not struggle alone today. Many hearts are broken, many tears are falling throughout our family here and elsewhere. Zoe touched so many with her antics, strength and intense love of her family. Her pawprint is forever engraved on hearts and souls all over the world, never to be forgotten.

Fly free, precious one, fly free.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, Grace and all our Angels

[Jenny & Judi in MN]

you could tell you two did have a special bond. I think everyone has that once in a lifetime dog. Even though we all feel like Zoe was a little bit ours too.

hugs to all of you and to Zoe in heaven. Judi

[Tina]

Addy, my heart is aching for you. I wish I could do something to help. All I can do is give you my love and support, and let you know that you are not alone. Big hugs. xo

[addy]

You are all so kind and comforting and your messages touch me deeply.

I was happy to share Zoe's journey and if her journey helps just one dog, then it was not in vain.

Please dont cry for my darling feisty, spirited girl but rejoice in her life. Her personality was so huge. Remember her good days and remember her courage.

I know you all loved her as we all love each others Cush pups.
I thank you so much for that.

I dont know what I would do without all of you.:):):)

[Casey's Mom]

Addy, I am so very sorry to hear about Zoe.... I am here for you as we all are holding you in our arms. I hope you can feel the love.

Sweet Zoe - I can see you playing and running with my Casey and all the other loved cush pups, healthy and pain free.

[Harley PoMMom]

Oh Addy,

There are just no words that can be said to express how very sorry I am. Zoe truly was a fighter and is an inspiration to all of us. Your love and devotion was so very evident and your strong bond with her is endless.

My love and hugs to you and your husband, and remember we are always here for you, my dear friend.

Godspeed sweet Zoe

With Heartfelt Sympathy,
Lori

[Budsters Mom]

Yes Addy, Our little loves take over our hearts, our space and our lives. I know that all too well. Yes, the love from a heart dog is all consuming. They become a huge part of us and brings us much comfort. Our sweet Zoe is running happily with the others and eating whatever she wants, whenever she wants. When it's your time to cross, sh'll be waiting for you. In the meantime, you have us.

Love and hugs,
Kathy

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
No words can express my sorry and grief for the lose of our precious Zoe. You both gave us all so much hope,faith, encouragement.
Zoe took a part of you with her. MY deepest regret for you and you husband. I so loved you and our precious princess Zoe. She tried so hard. You both were such fighters. Zoe rallied one more time a short time. I loved her as much as Apollo. I wish I could hug you right now.
Apollo is waiting to greet and hug her. WE are grieving and missing her. My warrior sister, you and Zoe fought so hard and so long. And during it all there was love, laughter, tears. I was honored to be apart of your journey and felt like I knew this spunky little proud little lady. I would have loved to have meet her. Please let us help,support, and be there for you.
hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy, dear heart,
I thought to myself...maybe if I don't log on, Zoe will be all right. But I'm not one who can bury her head in the sand. You have so many beautiful messages written to you. I'm having trouble squeezing into this hug ring.

How nice you were able to be with Zoe as she passed. That is as it should be, if possible. She knew you were right there. She could feel you, feel your heart, your touch. You and she fought the valiant fight many, many times.

I know all too well about the "stuff" for these little doggies. Actually, I think it's our stuff. I mean, come on, isn't there always a good reason to pick up a shiny new toy or comb or leash?

Know that her struggles are over. Know that her legs no longer hurt her. Know that you and she don't have to fight over drops in eyes, ears or anywhere else. She can now eat the chicken she loves so much, once again. She has a full, fluffy coat of hair and you have pictures of her looking that way so that is how you will remember her. You can stop thinking of how the last 24 hours looked and replace that image with a better, more representative image.

Remember the good times, the walks, the warm weather, her waiting at the window or front door for you to come home from work. Remember her barking at you in the kitchen...."Come on, Mom!!"

I know the pain is incredible. I know it feels like a cannonball has been thrust through your heart. I know, for me, the best thing I did was to honor the feelings as they came. Let them flow through me and not try to suppress them. It is hard. They are very powerful. With the help of all these wonderful people on this forum, you being the absolute best, I soon realized that Palmer would not want me hurting for long. Now, "not for long" turned out to be pretty long, I think, but everyone here stood by me for as long as it took.

If you can't sleep, perhaps you can nap. Treat yourself gently. You've lost your best friend. Nothing more is required of you this weekend. :)

Love,
Sus

[Mel-Tia]

I am still here holding your hand, sending you my love

Mel
Xxxx

[Trish]

Hi Addy
Thinking of you this morning when I woke up so popping in and hope you have had a bit of rest, even a nap. Big hugs to you xx

[addy]

I'm holding on tight, Mel, thank you. I have your hand.

We left koko twice so far. first time 15 minutes, second time 30.

we will try an hour at 4:30.


he got to say good bye to Zoe, we took him with us.

[frijole]

I am just catching up and in shock at the last 2 days. Addy my heart is also broken as your sweet Zoe was a part of our family for so many years. We share in your loss and our tears are out of pure love for that adorable angel. I have no words to ease your pain but if you can focus on her wonderful life. Love you! Kim

[Budsters Mom]

I am still here surrounding you with love. Xxxxxx

[Renee]

Just catching up on your thread the last few days.. and I feared Zoe's time may have arrived.

So very sorry for your loss, but truly amazed at what a life Zoe had and you had with her. It's not something everyone gets to experience in their lives.

I wish you peace and healing.

[Mel-Tia]

You must be breaking your heart worrying about leaving Koko too. Hoping he is holding up.

Hope Hubby is doing ok as well, I know he must be suffering too.

When we first lost Tia, We spoke a lot about our memories, good and naughty, looked at videos and photos over the first few days and cried a lot but tried to take comfort in all that we had given Tia. As Marianne said earlier Zoe had so much stuff cause she was loved so much. You gave her the best life possible

Love you lots, will be hanging out on your thread in case you want to talk

Mel
Xxxxxx

[Trish]

Poor Koko, glad you took him with you Addy. Hope you can manage a few days off work, or do you have to go straight back into it? x

[molly muffin]

Checking in on you this afternoon. I hope that you and hubby are holding up okay.
Doing whatever it takes to get through this day.

So glad that Koko got to say goodbye to Zoe, maybe that will help him somehow. I am sure the grieving process will be hard for him too. They each seem to do this in their own way.

love,
Sharlene

[addy]

It has been a hard day for all of us with no sleep makes the emotions even more raw. I see her everywhere I look but the funny thing is I see my Zoe of days gone by, paying clicker tricks and jump, wrestling with Koko. Memories flood back when I least expect it. My Kate is home this weekend and came by for a hug and kiss.

There are times I smile when I remember and feel happiness for having had her in my life, able to love her so.

And then at times there is a terrible pain in my chest, almost until I cannot breathe. I knew the pain would be bad as part of my heart is forever gone now. Forever with my beloved who I love more purely and simply more than anyone in this world and she loved us so right back from the moment we brought home.

There is a face at the door now but it is just a memory to cling to, hold close to my heart.

I thank you for being here with me. I cant stay on so I will check in and out as hubby is grieving too.

[Roxee's Dad]

Our Dear Addy, I am so very sorry. Zoe was our family, we were so lucky that you shared her with us. We will all miss her. I know your heart is heavy with the pain of grief, you gave her a wonderful life and I hope that gives you a some peace.

Rest in Peace Sweet Zoe, for tonight you are the newest and brightest star among all our cush pup's stars in the sky. Tonight I will light a candle and find the brightest star in the sky and raise a glass to honor your life. Rest in peace sweet girl.....

(give my Roxee and Rozee a smooch from me)

(((HUGS)))

[mytil]

Dearest Addy,

I am so incredibly sorry - my heart is with you and your family. I know it is so hard on all of you - it is so hard on us as you and your girl touched so many here. Your sweetie pie is free from the pain you saw in her eyes.

Sending you my ((((Hugs)))) and deepest condolences.
Always remembering your girl Zoe!
Terry

[Trish]

Glad Kate is home to give you some comfort and you are managing to remember the good times Addy. You doing good, one minute at a time, I am heading out for a while but will be here tonight if you need a chat xxxxxx :)

[addy]

You all held my hand last night, you could not see my green light on as I was reading from my cell phone and it does not show me logged in. I knew you were all there with the middle of the night vigil.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
We are here for you and your family. Take comfort in your family.
Zoe's light will always shine bright over you. You won't breath for a long time. Your whole world was taking of Zoe. The emptiness will take a long time to deal with. We all are grieving with you. Our precious beautiful Zoe.

Your Pets In Heaven
By Ken D. Conover
To have loved and then said farewell, is better than to have never loved at all.
For all of the times that you have stooped and touched my head, fed me my favorite treat and returned the love that I so unconditionally gave to you.
For the care that you gave to me so unselfishly.
For all of these things I am grateful and thankful.
I ask that you not grieve for the loss, but rejoice in the fact that we lived, loved and touched each other’s lives. My life was fuller because you were there, not as a master/owner, but as my FRIEND.
Today I am as I was in my youth. The grass is always green, butterflies flit among the flowers and the Sun shines gently down upon all of God's creatures.
I can run, jump, play and do all of the things that I did in my youth. There is no sickness, no aching joints and no regrets and no aging.
We await the arrival of our lifelong companions and know that togetherness is forever.
You live in our hearts as we do in yours. Companions such as you are so rare and unique.
Don't hold the love that you have within yourself. Give it to another like me and then I will live forever. For love never really dies and you are loved and missed as surely as we are.
Your Pets in Heaven
Zoe will be waiting for you in heaven. I ache for you, my dear friend.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Mel-Tia]

Glad you knew we were there, will continue to be here whenever you need us. Still holding your hand tight.

Love
Mel
Xxxx

[Budsters Mom]

So glad you knew Addy. There was no where else we wanted to be. Xxxxx

[addy]

Thanks Kathy. Mel, I hope Tina got some sleep. She was pretty tired.

Sonja, thank you for the beautiful poem.

The house is so quiet. Koko isnt as talkative as Zozo. Making dinner for one dog was really hard.

I think I will try a long, hot soak now.

[Mel-Tia]

I found that tough too used to doing everything in twos. Hopefully you will be able to rest a bit after a bath.

Will be going to bed soon but will be back first thing to check in on you

Lots of love

Mel
Xxxx

[Budsters Mom]

Yes, go soak Sweetie. When I was so numb after Buddy, soaking in the hot tub helped me to feel something. It did help me feel better.

You stayed with me Addy, always telling me that I didn't have to talk, but to know your light is on. I am here for you too. xxxxx

[Skye]

I wish angel wings that are embracing you now could remove pain....but they cant. Am glad they can help you breathe, catch the tears, and embrace your tender wounded soul in their softness powered with love and strength.
The searing of the pain is ironically as intense as the love we feel....
I am so very very sorry for this news.
Stormee

[Harley PoMMom]

Dearest Addy, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today, and always.

Sending love and hugs, Lori

[molly muffin]

Sending huge hugs Addy. I hope the bath helps. Do you have some lavender oil or something to drop in that is soothing to the senses. That would be really good I think.

I hope you and hubby are able to get some rest. You need sleep so the mind isn't going constantly, using up energy you probably don't have a lot of right now.

love
Sharlene

[scoora]

Oh Addy,
I am so very sorry to hear about your sweet Zoe.
You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.
Sending you lots of love and hugs.

[Sophies Mom]

That's such a nice poem Sonja! I love it!

[Sophies Mom]

Thanks Kathy. Mel, I hope Tina got some sleep. She was pretty tired.

Sonja, thank you for the beautiful poem.

The house is so quiet. Koko isnt as talkative as Zozo. Making dinner for one dog was really hard.

I think I will try a long, hot soak now.


Glad you knew we were there, will continue to be here whenever you need us. Still holding your hand tight.

Love
Mel
Xxxx

Hi Addy. I haven't been in the forum too long, but I always read your posts about Zoe. My heart is breaking for you now. I'm so sorry about your precious Zoe! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

[Trixie]

Oh my...I've been off the board for a couple of days, signed on and just read this sad, sad news. The last post I had read from you was upbeat, so I was just so stunned when I read about Zoe. I never met her, but I certainly feel like I knew her well from your heartfelt words and stories of her. I think you and Zoe were meant to be from the start...my heart is heavy for you and your family...I'm so sorry.

Barbara

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-The hardest day is almost over. The worst is behind you. You've been on my mind the entire day. I even felt at one point like we were together. That was kind of weird when I returned to reality. :confused:

I smiled when I read you took Koko with you.:) You think of everything! I hope he is able to make some sense out of this. I can just see and hear you, last night, telling the attendants to "Just let her try!" if she wanted to stand up. Next time I go in for any type of surgery, I'm going to hire you to be my patient advocate!! :D:cool:;) You all hadn't better get in the path of this momma bear. She means business!! You do NOT wanna mess with her. :p

I hope you can rest. Hot chocolate works well. Know Zoe is at peace. Know she no longer struggles. Know she is smiling down on you and loves you ever so for all you did and every moment you extended her life. I am here with you.
Love,
Sus

[doxiesrock912]

Oh Addy!

I am crying as I read your post.
As difficult as this is, I am so grateful that you were with Zoe and I'm sure that she knew it and crossed the bridge without fear because you were there.

They say that sometimes when their time draws near, and I've seen this with humans too, that there is a point when symptoms lesson which is deceiving for us.

I think that its God's way of giving us good memories to go along with the sadness that is to come.

You have been here for each one of us and we are here for you without fail. Please come here as you need to for whatever you need.

Rest in peace Zoe. Much love and hugs to all of you.

[Budsters Mom]

I'm still here right by your side Addy. Xxxxx

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-
I need to get some sleep. I see Trish is standing vigil for you. Consider yourself tucked in. Rest well. :)
Love,
Sus

[Trish]

Hi Sus
Have a good sleep, it's only 7.30pm here Sunday night, so I will be keeping an eye out for Addy for a few hours... hope she is getting some sleep x

[Skye]

I told Janis.......and she offers her deepest condolences. she wasnt able to get to her computer to write to you.

[Trish]

Hi Addy
Here's your morning message, hope you managed some sleep. I have eaten all the chocolate, so I will have to buy some more for us to have tomorrow. :) My thoughts have been with you, hubby and Koko as it so hard to readjust from the old normal to the new normal without your precious, big hugs for you all and I will see you soon but heading off to bed now so I can face work tomorrow xxxxxx

[Mel-Tia]

I am here to take over from Trish.

Hope you are getting a bit of rest.

Holding on tight still Addy

Mel
Xxxx

[Tina]

Hi Addy,
I had a busy day and night, but you were never out of my thoughts. I know how hard these first few days are, and I hope you are getting some rest now. It looks like everyone here took good care of you.

Thinking of you, hubby, Koko, and of course our sweet Zoe. Sending continued love and support.

Big hugs,
Tina xo

[Tina]

Hey Mel,

How are you doing? Looks like everyone kept the support going here.

I need to try to get a bit more sleep, even the middle of the night pit stops are off schedule now. :o

[Mel-Tia]

Hey Tina

I am ok, hope you are doing ok..

You get back to bed while you can sweetheart.

Hope Jasper is doing well

Mel
Xxxx

[Tina]

We are hanging in here, doing ok. :) Don't know how these weekends fly by, but they most certainly do.

I will be checking back in a bit later. I hope your day is going well.

Hugs from me and Jasper xo

[labblab]

OK guys, I'm back again, too.

Addy, you and your husband are the first thing on my mind as I feed the girls and then crack open my iPad. Because, for me, I will never forget that the first morning after was actually the hardest moment of all. Waking out of a fitful sleep and knowing it was real. I would never see him again. Oh my, that was hard. I will never forget that morning.

So if it feels the same to you, we are here for you, Addy. First thing at morning and all through at night. All around the world. What an amazing family we have here! Wow, you all are wonderful!!

[addy]

Thank you for keeping watch, I woke up and there was no snoring, just the deafening quiet and the realization I will never wake up to my beloved again just sank in and I am numb.

It is such a lost feeling. I was always checking my watch, time for her eye drop, time for her to go out, time for her snack, time for this, time for that.

We drove through her favorite park while we let Koko home for an hour alone.

My darling Zoe, how I want to hold you close to my chest and bury my face in your soft fur and kiss your head. My arms are so empty now. You came to me in the hall way last night. I felt you there with me but you are gone this morning. I had hoped you would visit in my sleep but it was too broken and shattered I think. I love you more.

This is so hard and my poor hubby is not doing well.


Thank you all for the candles. I went to light a candle for her and saw so many candles lit. Thank you for that so much.

[labblab]

Oh Addy, huge hugs being sent over to you. I know your entire life is changed now, and will never be exactly the same. It is so hard to bear. I know we can't make you feel any better. But I hope it helps at least a little to know we understand why your heart is shattered. And to know that Zoe is being remembered and treasured around the world. There is a big hole in a lot of lives this morning. :o

[Mel-Tia]

Lost is the right word, everything had a schedule and you are not quite sure what to do or how to be.

Sorry to hear hubby is struggling too, it is so hard. Tell him he needs to let it out and not bottle it up, you have been through so much, I do think it helps to keep talking about her and I am sure it was hard to go to that park but I am sure you pictured her at her best while you were there, which is what you have to try and hold on.

Wish I had more than words to offer.

Sending you the tightest hug Addy

Love
Mel
Xxxxx

[addy]

Thank you Marianne. I must go to hubby now. He is broken hearted as well. He always guarded her nap time and made sure she had it, especially if she was not well or after her surgeries.

I worry how he will handle that tomorrow when I am not here for him. His first nap time without her.

Koko is still sleeping too. Zoe was always up early.

I am concered about tomorrow when we must all start our normal work routine without her. I hope Koko will be ok alone in the kitchen for those few hours of gap time between hubby leaving and me coming home. I told hubb it would be a blessing if he loses his job as Koko needs a babysitter and this house is to much for us to keep up anymore. Hubby kept working part time to pay for Zoe and help keep up this place. He needs to retire now. Maybe that was God's plan. He knew.

I know I will have suppport at work tomorrow. They understand.

[labblab]

As Mel says, is your husband one to keep things bottled up? Or do you worry he will be overwhelmed with grief tomorrow without you?

It sounds as though nap time was his special, private time taking care of Zoe. It makes me tear up all over again picturing him as her protecter during those quiet moments. Yes, it will be very hard for him. Can you tell us what time it will be tomorrow? Then, if you don't think he would find it silly, you can tell him that a whole host of us will be thinking of him and Zoe right at that time. It may "look" as though he is alone, but really he will not be alone at all.

[Mel-Tia]

Can you leave some noise the radio or the tv on. I always do that when I leave Boyce to there is something to distract him from outside noise.

Did he seem ok when you came back yesterday?

[addy]

Maybe I can leave work early tomorrow a bit so it is only two hours. We will keep trying to leave Koko alone today building up to long and longer so tomorow is not a shock to him.

I showed hubby all your posts and all the candles and he cried. He wont let things out as easily. He is so devasted.

He was so protective of Zoe. After surgery, one weekend, the kids wanted to come to visit and he told them they could not come until Zoe was done napping. He would not even allow workman to come durring nap time. He was always so happy if she slept peacfully and he would text me how she was doing.

[labblab]

Oh my goodness, that does make me cry, too, hearing how sweet your husband was with Zoe. No way around it, tomorrow will be crushing for him. Do tell us what time Zoe would be napping. Whether or not you tell him, I'd still like to be able to be thinking of you all during that time.

[Mel-Tia]

Tia's daddy was very much the same, I just kept talking about her to help him grieve too.

Zoe was his baby just like she was yours, losing her has left such a hole in your lives.

We are here to support you both in any way we can.

Xxxx

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
I am thinking of you and your hubby, and hoping dear Koko can manage to get thru the week. You husband was wonderful with Zoe, and I am sure this will leave a huge hole in his heart. May God Bless you all with the strength to get thru this painful time.
Patti

[Altira]

Oh Addy. What can I say that hasn't already been said? You and Zoe where loved by so many. And we are just crushed for you. I think for all of us nothing hurts worse then a loss of a dog. How is it they get such a hold on us. But they do. I'm so glad she is no longer in pain.
I'm glad you said this is enough!

It's better to have loved and lost then never loved at all. You will love again someday Addy.

I'm so very sorry ....

@--\--- Love you!

[My sweet Ginger]

Dear Addy,

Your broken heart would've been healed already if us feeling your pain for you but I know it doesn't work that way. I wish I knew what to say during this devastating time of mourning for our sweet Zoe. If I find my own eyes all swollen and letters are all blurry this morning from crying yesterday ( and today ) I can't imagine what you must be going through and that makes my heart aches for you and your husband more than words can say.
We really appreciate your posts in this difficult time telling us how you and your husband are doing or all of us would be so worried sick about you so thank you for that.
I've never met Zoe but I feel like I knew her and miss her so. I'd love to light a candle for our newest angel Zoe if someone can tell me how. Thanks.

[Squirt's Mom]

A friend came to visit yesterday. We get to talk briefly on the phone but never seem to have time to talk in depth. In our talking, she asked about the things going on and instead of telling her details of my life, I ended up telling her about Zoe, and you. I told her what a huge help you have been to the members here even while Zoe was going through one thing after another. How Zoe was so strong and faced everything with bravery, a bravery that gives us all strength when our babies are faced with the unknown.

I told her how becoming a member of our family here allows us entrance to a sort of magical kingdom. A kingdom of strangers who have no faces for the most part, whose voices we rarely get to know, most of whom wear forms we would not recognize were we to pass on the streets. But the magic that resides in our kingdom makes those physical aspects completely unnecessary. That magic wraps around our kingdom like a soft, warm blanket creating a safe place to stand in the storms and a safe place to fall when the storms become too much. It is a magic that gives us all a special sense of vision - a vision into the Heart and Soul of those who live within our kingdom.

We cried. We cried for Zoe, for you and hubby, and for Koko. We cried for her Prince, Princess and Dakota. We cried for Squirt and Crys and Tasha. And I told her that this was the strongest magic of all in our little kingdom - love, a love for our babies that makes us family, a love that means no matter what, no one ever walks these halls alone. Whether the walls echo with laughter or sobs, no one is ever alone here in our little magical kingdom.

Our thoughts and prayers remain with you all,
Leslie and the gang

[addy]

Here is a special place which is why I shared it with hubby. Our safe place where everyone understands the journey when you have a dog diagnosed with Cushings.

Each one of us contribute so each one of us is whole, if that makes any sense.:):)

This I hope will make you smile. I thought going through each Zoe ritual of the day would be something I could not bear. Potatoes with eye drops at the bathroom door, licking my oatmeal bowl each morning, all our daily activites that were because of Zoe.

I realized this morning that Koko has also been the beneficiary of Zoe's needs, not just the lost dog over shadowed by Zoe and her illnesses. He always looked to her to take the lead. So this morning, Koko had potato at the bathroom door and licked my bowl of oatmeal just as he has always done with Zoe for all these years.
I cant make him give up these rituals because of my pain so we will do them together in honor of Zoe and in her memory as I think she would want that for her brother. She loved him so and they took turns taking care of each other:):):):)

Maybe Koko and I can start his very own rituals too.

[molly muffin]

I have literally cried for each post on here over the last couple days. The heart felt and honest feelings of grief that is shared for you and Zoe and your hubby and Koko, takes my breath away. This is a magical kingdom (as Leslie calls it) filled with special souls who support and love hugely for those who touch their hearts that they will never meet in person but who affect them each moment of their lives in some profound way.

Your journey and Zoe's journey have helped so many and will continue to help so many. The trials that you and she went through will continue to help others.

It is so hard for our guys when something like this takes a chunk out of their hearts and lives too. They don't have this immediate place to reach out to and share the moment of grief as it overwhelms them. We do luckily.

I am so glad if this place, this special place of Addy and Zoe, can help him to know that his feelings, your feelings, are shared by people all over the world, who if they could would take away every single pain and hurt, so it would leave nothing but the joy of Zoe.

Today will be hard too, but you will get through so that you can help Koko to adapt too. It has already begun and Koko, will have his own special rituals and he will continue with Zoe special rituals, as he shared them each day. Zoe will always be there to share those rituals. Not in body, but in soul, every time Koko licks a bowl, she will be there, and you will remember and eventually smile because this a special moment. Every nap, Zoe will be there for, snoring gently. Not a sound that you hear with your ears but a sound that you feel deep inside.

Bless you all four.
hugs and love,
Sharlene

[MBK]

Addy,

Just wanted to check in on you this morning. Know that I am thinking of you. It seems like you are seeing Koko with fresh eyes, as I am seeing Maxwell. I think they will help us both get through the pain. I am beginning to realize that this is a process on it's own time. The tears come, sometimes at unexpected times, and I know I will have good days and bad. We will always remember Zoe and Alivia for the beautiful souls they were. I think we now have special angels that would be pleased to see Koko and Maxwell carrying on.

Keeping you in my thoughts and sending hugs.

[Budsters Mom]

((((((hugs!))))))

[addy]

Sharlene, because of our family, I will heal just as those who walked this path before me and those who will follow.

Because of our family, here, we become whole again after devastating losses.

Because of our family, here, we find the courage and strength to do what we must do.

Because of our family, here, each of our pups will be remembered and loved and live on forever.

Because- as a family, we become one heart beating in unison, one breath across oceans and seas, one love, one purpose, one strength.

How I love you all and always have and always will.



.

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy.....what beautiful sentiments have been written to you and by you. I was glad to hear you say that work understands. It seems to me that asking to leave just a little early on day #1 is not unreasonable. This is a big adjustment for your family.

I remember that when Palmer's time came it too was on a weekend. We kept in touch with Ryan prior to the weekend about whether or not he should come down as it was an ever changing situation. He finally announced he was just coming, which turned out to be the thing to do. The next morning was when we said goodbye to Palmer and all three of us were there. That was a Friday. We went back home after that and stayed at home for the weekend. What we found was the emotions washed over us like waves at unpredictable times, different times for each of us. Nothing in particular set them off. I'd look over in the kitchen and Bob and Ryan would be hugging one another, crying. Another time the three of us were hugging, crying. Another time I went into the bedroom, flung myself on the bed and just sobbed into my pillow and let it go as hard as I could. Ryan came in and comforted me and we wound up talking about fun times with Palmer. And of course I was on the forum trying to make sense of it all. We all were struck with how the emotions seemed to wash over us without warning. By staying at home, in the safety of our home, we were able to just deal with it as it happened. We did not have to try to cover anything. No one was there telling us "not to cry." As has been said, it's part of the magic of this forum. I was so pleased this morning to get up and see how the "wand" had passed around the world, through the night, to keep you company, to be here for you if you needed someone to talk with. Each of these individuals really "gets it" too. We've all been there...or are going through there now.

When you get some time, how about posting a current picture of Koko? We've not seen nor heard that much about him and I have a hunch we're going to:D and I'd like to know how he looks now. Please give him a big hug from Bailey & me. I know he's having a hard time in his own way.:(

Love,
Sus

[Budsters Mom]

Hi Addy,

I will post your photo on my "check it out" album for now. I will send it to you once I receive your email address or you can copy it from there. Xxxx

[Trish]

Hi Addy
Just doing a quick fly by to see how you are doing before I head to work, damn Monday mornings :o I will be here tonight, I hope your not because that means you are sleeping. Love to you, hubby and Koko and a kiss to Zoe who is with your Dad, lucky him xxx

[Harley PoMMom]

Sending hugs and love to you, hubby, and Koko.

[Tina]

Hi Addy,
Checking in today to let you know I am thinking about you all. Glad you are getting some comfort from Koko and your routines with him. When I lost Dakota, Jasper was clearly grieving too. He struggled terribly. He became what I call my little savior, I don't know what I would have done without him. He and I had to adjust to her loss together, and I had to make sure that he was doing ok. I was forced to focus on someone besides myself because I was all he had. We carried on old routines and rituals, and developed new ones, just like you will do with Koko.

Leslie, what beautiful words you wrote about our magical kingdom. I was in tears as I read. I couldn't agree more with all you wrote. You ALWAYS know the right thing to say. Marianne is the same way, you are both so incredibly gifted with words.

Yesterday I met my BFF for a quick lunch that we had planned since last week. When we started talking, she immediately said "what's wrong?" I told her about my friend Addy in Milwaukee and that her precious Zoe went to heaven in the wee hours of the morning, and that I was just torn up over it. We talked a bit about it and we were both sitting at the table crying. I think sometimes that she feels I spend too much time on the forum, but I believe she understands why much better now. It truly is a family, and I love Zoe and everyone's pups so much. We all feel that way, and that's why it is such a close bond. And that is also why the losses hurt so much.

Sending continued love and support for you, hubby and Koko, and love to Zoe in heaven.

Big hugs for you all,
Tina

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
I am holding you in my arms, my dear sweet friend. We are all caring for you know. Koko needs you more than ever.
Love always
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo( Zoe and Apollo are now together keeping each other company)

[Trixie]

I have a lump in my throat reading everyone's posts here. Addy...when you wrote about the rituals of the day I just lost it. How strange it feels when these details of the day that we do over and over all of a sudden change so drastically. You got me on licking the oatmeal bowl...I remember posting about Trixie licking the Laughing Cow cheese smear off my breakfast plate and you posted back about Zoe and the oatmeal bowl. These sweet little moments that make up a day with the pups....
I'm glad Koko is there to continue on with the ritual bowl licking...I think Koko will bring comfort keeping on with these daily tasks, even though right now it's missing that special girl of yours. Just so hard to get through that feeling when everything is so different.
Like everyone here, both you and your husband are on my mind.
Barbara

[doxiesrock912]

Yes, we share everything and fill in the blanks that the vets don't give us. The unbridled sympathy and understanding that each of us share. This forum is invaluable for so many reasons!


Addy, I think that is a great idea!
Koko misses Zoe too and he needs to know that these rituals won't stop. Zoe won't mind, it will help you both to help each other.

Hugs.

[kaibosmom]

I wanted to stop by to let you know that I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs as you go through this difficult time.
Nikki

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-
I hope you're sleeping; hubby too. I'm stopping by to wish you a good morning and wishes for a good start to your Monday. This will be another "first" day, so it will be tough. Know we are all going to be thinking about you and holding your hands as you go through the day. You are not alone. We've all got your back.

Love,
Sus

[Budsters Mom]

((((((hugs!))))))

[Trish]

Darl, if there is anyone I am going to break the "no forum before work" rule, it will be for you and Zoe!! I have restocked the chocolate, got pineapple lumps easter eggs :D My Monday is over and it was a good one, so I hope yours is not too yuck and you can get out of there early. Big breaths and off you go!! xxx

[addy]

My monday will suck big time. The awful memory of hubby calling, papers scattered everywhere inmy office as I gathered my things and went flyiing out of there, everyone asking me questions. I cant think to work, my brain is dead. I dont want to go but I hae to. Myabe I will oly work 1/2 day

[Trish]

Get something ready in your head to tell people, I am sure they will be caring but sometimes people being too nice is enough to set you off. Speak to the boss as soon as you get there and tell them and maybe ask them to speak to the staff so they don't have to all ask you?

[addy]

They are caring, it is hard for me to talk about it. I feel so empty inside. My head tells me Zoe is in a better placwe but my heart wants her back. It happened so fast. One minute she was walking around barking at me for food and then 2 hours later, crap.

the house is so dang quiet, Koko doesnt snore. how can I miss snoring? her snoring always put me back to sleep.

[Trish]

We all want her back, it sucks the kumara. Maybe one day you will thank that is was better being fast like that, she did not suffer hardly at all. I think a lot of us think that it would be better just to wake up and they have died peacefully but I think you got there to be with her and help her over and say goodbye. Actually I don't think there is a better way as we never want to say goodbye

[addy]

I know. Thanks Trish. I think I will go curl up next to hubby. Maybe I will drift back to slepp for an hour. Thanks sweetie

[Trish]

OK now I know you are off back to bed, I am heading there too. I hope your Monday speeds by Addy, the first one will be the hardest... as are all the firsts xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx oo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Trish]

Maybe it will snow and you cannot get the car out... let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!! :D Night xxx

[Mel-Tia]

I am here if you can't sleep, sorry I wasn't earlier had a meeting.

Have you got any leave to take a couple of days?

I think you are probably still in shock cause it was so sudden and could do with a bit of time out to get your head straight. It's such a lost feeling, don't know how to be or what to do with yourself.

[labblab]

Hi Mel and Addy! I'm here, too!

I think a 1/2 day sounds good, Addy.

[molly muffin]

Checking in before work!
Love
Sharlene

[Tina]

Me too Addy, checking in before work. I will be thinking about you today, and I hope your day goes fast and smoothly. Big hugs. xo

[addy]

I'm up and dressed and ready to face the day. If it gets too hard, I will just come home.

Hubby says when he thinks of all of you and all you have done for us he cries. He said the hardest part is usually if you lose a family member, there is a funeral and friends and family surrounding you to support you until you can do it on your own. When it is your beloved dog there is no support.

I told him but there is on the forum, many people who are there to help and support because it was we do for each other. It is why we survive the loss and can go on.

He does not know how to use a computer. I wish he did so he could come here to Zoe's thread when he is alone today and the grief overwhelms him.

So just say a special prayer for hubby today. I'm glad I never found a good home for him when I tried to give him away a few years ago.:D

[bgdavis]

Addy,

I'm so very sorry that your time with Zoe has come to an end. May she rest in peace and play with all the ones that have gone before her at the Rainbow Bridge. You will always have her, safe in your heart.

Bonnie and Angel Criss Ann

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
You have a real inner strength, I applaud you for going out amongst people, while grieving for your baby. I hope you are able to get thru the day. I will pray for your hubby, this has to be really hard for him, not being able to log onto the forum for support. I am thinking and praying of you both. Blessings
Patti

[Squirt's Mom]

You tell hubby that when he feels a soft brush on his face, that is our wings wrapping him in safety and love. Our wings will hold him up and take his tears. Ya'll won't see us as such, but we are all surrounding you both with love and comfort, peace and hope, but above all a reminder of the Promise. The Promise that will see our dear loved ones again one day. Hubby may not know how to use the computer but tell him to go simply lay his hands on the machine and stand still for a moment. He will feel us, he will hear us, he will know he is not alone. Hey, if Oral Roberts can do this via the TV, I assure you this family here can reach through a computer!

[Mel-Tia]

Thinking of you all today

Sending tight hugs to you both

Mel
Xxxx

[labblab]

Oh Leslie, I love that! Addy yes, tell hubby we'll be with him even if he can't see us. We'll all make it through nap time together, even though it will be hard.

[Trixie]

Thinking of you and your husband and Koko too.

Barbara

[Harley PoMMom]

Holding you all in my heart, and you all are in my thoughts and prayers too.

[Bailey's Mom]

Hey! How about a group Hug?? Wings and all? We can place hubby in the middle and squish him until there is no doubt.
Then can we just teach him how to log onto the site so he can just read thoughts about Zoe? Or see the candles? If we wrote down a few notes to remind him, it would not be too hard. It would certainly be worth the time.

Your Monday is almost 1/2 over. I hope some of the sun we are having here is also there. Sun coming down from the skies just seems to warm the soul. After some time has passed, remind me and I will tell you what someone said to me the day after my first dog had to be euthanized. It's the stuff that makes us stronger.

Treat yourself gently. You've been through a lot.:)

Love,
Sus

[addy]

Her IMS just called me at work to tell me she and the whole staff at the clinic was shocked and sad when they read the report from the Grafton clinic. She thought I had done the hardest thing for me but the kindest thing for Zoe. She spoke along time to me on the phone and I could hear tears in her voice .
She spoke of everything I had done to help her. How I did more for Zoe than any patient she ever had. She asked me to remember Zoe and why I did those things. Remember who she was as my dog. She said she has never had a patient as long as Zoe and how she will miss us.
Now I am sitting at work trying not to have a melt down.
Breathe in, breathe out Addy and remember how brave Zoe was every day of her life.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
WHAT you and hubby are going through is normal. You both are still in shock. The human society has grief classes for the lose of a pet. Maybe you can find one in your city. For me I needed to talk about it. The cemetery in San diego had a little chapel and we had a little memorial for Apollo to honor him. Zoe was your family and most people don't get it. Take the day off if you can. You and hubby need to just let the feelings out. Talk,write.
Maybe you could copy part of your thread and paste for your hubby to read,not just the bad but Zoe's triumphs,the love,the support,the laughter.
I took pictures of Apollo and made a collage, I also took clippings of his fur before he was cremated!and his paw prints for hubbies office! Mom and myself,and made the video which I look at a lot. I read a book on pet loose. but for so many I wanted to cry,and talk about my lose and had no one other than hubby to talk to which made both of us cry. I wrote a lot about my anger,grief and wrote to Apollo a lot. I held his bed and blanket a lot and still do.Addy you don't have to do this alone. Even I have been depressed since hearing about Zoe's death. She was our Cushing hero,showing us all how to be strong,brave ,endure and still have joy,laughter during it all.
http://www.healfrompetloss.com/healfrompetloss_rituals.html
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
I am hear to support you so do not be afraid to ask for help.
We love more,hurt more,grieve more when we have a Cushing baby.

[molly muffin]

Here at work with tears running down my cheeks as I was reading the thread. how your IMS is going to miss Zoe so much, I was thinking of the vet tech, that was her special tech, I'm sure that there are many tears being shed for Zoe all across the earth.
Your dear hubby who will feel this loss so much today while he tries to make it through the day. We are with him, we are thinking of him and sending prayers for him. Wrapping him in k9cushings angel wings and you to Addy. Neither of you are alone through this very very hard time.

sending love
Sharlene

[Trish]

Awww how nice of her to call you Addy and to recognise all you have done for Zoe. We all know you would have gone to the end of the earth if it would have helped your girl!! I hope this helps you realise you could not have done more. Zoe and YOU have had such an impact on all of us including your veterinary staff, how could she not the little darling :) Hope hubby and Koko are managing OK on this first work day.

Have you managed to get a half day? I hope so xxxx

[Mel-Tia]

I am pleased she called and spoke to you and that she did clearly care as I don't think she often gave you that impression

Hope you all got through your day ok.

Mel
Xxxx

[Budsters Mom]

More tight hugs. We love you guys. xxxxx

[addy]

Made it through the day. Heading home now to the first time after work with only Koko in the kitchen. I hope he is ok.

Hubby made it through nap time because someone comprised one of our credit cards and the the bank called. Blessing in disguise again I guess bad news taking your mind of grief:rolleyes:

will post later. thank you all.

crap about the cc card, ticks me off. never had that happen before.

[Mel-Tia]

Sorry to hear that Addy.

It does annoy me, get a job, don't rob from hard working people.

Hopefully Koko will be just fine, drive safe xxx

[addy]

I drove the speed limit;);)

Koko is fine, too bad it so cold, we could have taken a walk.

Will feed him now. No hurries anymore, no pills to take by a ceratin time.

[Mel-Tia]

Good girl.

It's such a change, I know there are constant reminders and it hits you all over again.

Does Koko seem ok? Hope hubby is doing ok too?

Did the bank say how they thought the card was compromised?

Big hug

Mel
Xxxx

[MBK]

Thinking of you, Addy. That first dinner time with only one to feed and no medications was very strange for me. Bittersweet at how consuming their care was, but it was never a burden for either of us. They were both little fighters. I keep holding on to the fact that they are no longer in pain.

Sending hugs.

[molly muffin]

I'm glad the bank called you and let you know about the cc. Pain in the rear end (to put it mildly) but at least you won't be liable for anything they put on it and you will be issued a new card. We've had it happen before, to hubby's card, not mine, but then he uses his more than I do. That will be okay.

I agree, too bad it's crap weather, but soon you and koko can take some walks and he will welcome you home I am sure, happy just that you are there with him. He is such a little darlin. I love his new picture. Such a cutie that little face is.

I'm glad that hubby made it through nap time, even if it was due to some fiddle fart using the cc. Distractions are good. :)

We're here for you. Any time. :)
love
Sharlene

[addy]

Sharlene, do I have to call the credit bureaus and put a fraud alert or anthing on my account? I was signing up for the Target thing but they want all this personal info and since I dont know how someone got our cc number am afraid to put that info in anywhere from on my lap top.

Or am I freaking out for no reason since I am brain dead?

I dont know how I worked today and I have a stinking meeting tomorrow about this new accounting software I have been looking at for the our company. Yeah- like that is really going to go well:rolleyes::o:p

[molly muffin]

There are so many ways that they could have gotten it that it's hard to know where, usually from a receipt at a store (the stores copy, not yours), or a camera at an ATM, etc. Normally signing up for something would be at least okay as long as it is a reputable place. After the loss Target had earlier this year, you'd think they would be one of the safer ones.

If they Just got your credit card number and tried to use it and the bank caught it, immediately called you and cancelled that number, then you will probably be okay, but I would call the credit bureaus and let them know and get a copy of your credit reports and review it.

Ours have always been caught at the bank level with no attempt at identity theft, which is a whole different can of worms.

I have to admit we were a bit flabbergasted when the bank called once and asked if we'd gone into any home remodeling business as a whole slew of stuff had been charged at a home building store.

hmm, tomorrow might be a longer day than today was, time to get a tummy ache and reschedule the meeting?

love
Sharlene

[addy]

I was worried it was from my computer because I have that number stored on my Verizon account. So even though it is a secure website I thought what if I have malware that found that number? Though I thought that was encrypted.

Koko is quiet but ok, I gave him a new toy that fits in his mouth. His new squeaky ball was too big. I dont understand why. It was the same ball Zoe tried to chew the squeaker out on 3 squeaky balls so not sure why he cant hold the ball. Maybe since his dental, he is missing the teeth he needs. I think if I remember right they pulled two teeth.

[molly muffin]

That isn't as likely to the culprit, because it is a secure site, as some other way.

Have you run a scan on your computer? It doesn't hurt to do that every so often.
Most cc illegal usage doesn't come actually from personal computers, and not from a secure website like verizon, or banking, etc, unless their database information is stolen.

yea, Koko's mouth might not be optimal for ball tearing up these days.

love
Sharlene

[Budsters Mom]

So sorry to hear about your credit card. That is so scary! Think goodness they found out!

More hugs for all. I'm glad that hubby and Koko did okay today while you were gone. You were so brave for toughing it out today. Xxxxx

[doxiesrock912]

Addy,
to be safe, I would call the credit bureaus.

Here's an idea. Create a shortcut on your desktop to this thread so that hubby can come here too.

Your IMS is mind kind of doc <3

Hugs.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Don't know what to say about the credit card, call the credit card company and ask what to do. Maybe but a freeze on your credit rating so no one can use your info, but would have to call or email one of the credit companies, Equix, etc.
praying and thinking of you ,your hubby and little Koko.
Angel Zoe watch over your family, give them a sign.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Trish]

Phew Day 1 at work done and dusted, breath a big sigh of relief you managed that one. Blardy credit card drama aside, that sucks! You two do not need hassles like this right now.

I had a similar call from the bank once, it was after I was back in NZ after a trip to the US. I had used my card when checking into a hotel in LA and they found the number on a list of credit card numbers that were being used fraudulently. Mine never was used, so the bank just rang and told me about it, cancelled it and reissued a new card and that was it. Hope it is something similarily easy for you guys.

Maybe it is good you are busy at work, keeps your mind occupied and the day will go faster. xx

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Addy-
There are 3 major credit bureaus. Here's a link that gives you all the information you'll need.
http://www.ehow.com/facts_5033625_three-major-credit-reporting-agencies.html

I've had many cards compromised. Usually it is my Discover card. I keep a pretty close watch on charges on a regular basis and I catch stuff pretty quickly. That stops mischief quickly. If you put a lock on your credit be aware that it will also lock you out.....so if you wanted to apply for a new card, loan or refinance anytime soon, it makes it much harder. The link I gave you should have the details. Each of the 3 agencies will provide you, for free, each year, one copy of your credit report. You really should take advantage of that and look it over because it will show you who has been accessing your credit report. It's also important to be aware of what your credit score is. And there is one for you and a different one for your husband so check under both social security numbers. You can do all this online, even printing out the reports and it's all very safe.

I never have figured out how my number got compromised. I think/guess it comes from placing online orders for merchandise.

I'm glad day #1 back at work was manageable. Here's hoping #2 goes a tad easier.

Love,
Sus

[Altira]

I know I yell and scream and make my families lives misrable when I loose a dog. But I'm real quick to forget that I have no human children nor do I have to work. All I have to do is yell, scream, cry, and be Stubborn as hell. I do spend a lot of time trying to distract myself. But you know gee I live in a whole differant world then most people. I'm not about to say I'm lucky though. How can any of that be lucky. I was told by my mom and my husband to .... Live with the living. Boy I don't think any statement pissed me off more then that one did. I can't imagine having to go home and tell my children the doggies gone. Or go to work and pretend all is well. I think that would piss me off too. I hope those around you will give you a brake and just let you grieve in peace.

Life sucks... Then your dog dies...

Don't know why I needed to bring any of that up. But I just did.

Love you Addy. 8:::::::

[gatorgirl_bama]

Addy,

I just read about sweet Zoe and I'm so sorry. I've been too wrapped up in my own sorrows to even check on anyone else. Please know I'm sending lots of love and prayers to you and wishing Zoe love and happiness at the Rainbow Bridge.

Donna and my angels, Tia and Tippi

[Tina]

Addy, I just want you to know that I am thinking about you as you face your work day, and I hope the meeting goes ok. Thinking of hubby too.

I have had this happen with a credit card also, pretty much like Trish mentioned. I was notified that my card number was on a list of numbers that they felt may have been compromised. They cancelled my card and sent me a new one, and also were monitoring all 3 credit reports for any fraudulent activity. I got a copy of the reports myself also. Fortunately that was as far as it went, but it was sure nerve wracking. I never did find out where the breach occurred, so had no way to try to prevent it in the future. I hope your issue is similar and they caught it before any damage was done.

I love it that your IMS called you and talked to you, I know that would mean a lot to me.

Big hugs,
Tina

[Mel-Tia]

Just checking in to see how you are all doing.

Hope your meeting goes well today.

Thinking of you, holding on tight still

Mel
Xxxxx

[addy]

Thank you for all the cc info. I feel better knowing some of you have gone through this as well.

Years ago, when my Kate was in grade school, we used to take her to the Rivera Maya in December or January for a week. The hotel we stayed at was all inclusive and kids could stay for free. Kate loved it there so much and would cry and cry the day before our departure.
It became a ritual to walk out into the calm, warm waters of the sea and stand with our eyes closed. We would feel the water gently lap against our bodies, turn our face to the hot sun, feel the warm breezes toss our hair and we would breathe deeply the smell of the salt water and air. I told her we did this ritual so that she could return to this place in her mind when ever she needed to, that it would always be a part of her, she just had to bring back the memory.


The one ritual I loved more than anything was to have two heads in the oatmeal bowl. I would laugh and laugh as Koko and Zoe would stick their tiny heads together to try to lick the bowl. My heart was always full at that moment with such simple joy and pleasure. I think that is why we love them so deeply. It is such a simple, pure love, no complications.

This morning, I brought back that memory and could see her little head in the bowl as Koko licked happily and although there were tugs of pain at my heart, there was a smile starting to form on my face. I have the power to gather Zoe in my arms, or walk with me, or have her lick the oatmeal bowl. The memories are very strong, I just have to allow them to come forth, rather than forcing them back.

If memory is the power to gather roses in the winter, then, well, memory is the power to still have my Zoe. Just in a different way.

[molly muffin]

Thinking you and Zoe and Koko and hubby this morning.

That is a beautiful sentiment Addy. Hold it close to your heart, forever and ever.

love
Sharlene

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Thinking of you and your hubby, and as always sweet Zoe.

[apollo6]

Beautifully said. Let the feelings come, it is healing,it is away to keep Zoe with you. At the end we are left with the memories and those precious moments.
Here for you to help and support you.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

Apollo is courting Zoe with love.

[Harley PoMMom]

((((Hugs))))

[Squirt's Mom]

I have the power to gather Zoe in my arms, or walk with me, or have her lick the oatmeal bowl.

...

If memory is the power to gather roses in the winter, then, well, memory is the power to still have my Zoe. Just in a different way.

Thank you, Addy, for this reminder.

Hugs and healing energies still surround you all,
Leslie and the gang

[addy]

OMG, hubby just called bawling his eyes out. WE just got a delivery he said of the most beautiful flowers from the IMS specialty clinic team and Zoe's IMS.

I cannot even believe they would send us flowers. Now I am bawling my eyes out too.

[Mel-Tia]

I am so pleased they sent you flowers. Your girl clearly touched their hearts too.

Xxx

[Budsters Mom]

AWWWWWW! How sweet of them to do that!:p xxxxxx

[Bailey's Mom]

My vet did that as well. I also got a very nice hand written note from the doctor who had cared for Palmer at the Emergency Specialty Clinic. In turn, I took flowers shaped like a poodle to the vets office. I also took over all the medications I had so that they could give them to someone in need, which they told me they did.

I'm pleased day #2 is having its positive moments, even if it comes with tears.

Love,
Sus

[Trixie]

a sweet gesture from the IMS. How very nice...they obviously saw the extent of your love for Zoe, you left no stone unturned in her care.

Barbara

[Squirt's Mom]

How very special! Our sweet girl touched so many.

[doxiesrock912]

Addy that's wonderful! Your family is very special to Zoe's IMS and staff obviously.
They will miss seeing you.

Give hubby a huge hug when you get home. Spend some quality time doing something that you both enjoy whether it be just watching a favorite movie.

Hugs!

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
What a beautiful thing to do! I am sure they are wonderful people to show their sorrow at Zoe's passing with such a nice gesture to the family. Blessings
Patti

[molly muffin]

That is so wonderful. Zoe touched so many.

love,
Sharlene

[Mel-Tia]

Thinking of you all Addy, hope you are hanging in there

Xxxx

[addy]

Just finished meeting, went better than I thought it would. Hubby having a hard day since the flowers came and I have been in a meeting. He is off to work now. He said Koko was doing ok. I have 2 more hours of work. PT said my arm was very stiff but was probably because of all the trauma with Zoe. Therapist gave me a big hug and cried with me. She is a dog person and lost her dog a year ago.

I found an article that discusses the physical symptoms of grief. I have all of them.:o:(



[Mel-Tia]

1 hour down, 1 to go then work day is over.

How nice that your p/t is a dog person and that you could acknowledge how you were feeling with her. Wish I could give you a big hug, so I am glad she did.

Drive safe xxx

[molly muffin]

Hi Addy, I'm not surprised that you have the physical symptoms of grief, you are grieving. I imagine your husband probably has those symptoms too. It can make you physically sick even. Nauseous the whole works.
I am glad that there are people around you that also are grieving for Zoe. I think more may be missing her than you realized at first would.
Just take some time to breathe.
love
Sharlene

[addy]

The flowers are just beautiful and I am overwhelmed so I understand how hubby was feeling along with cards that came in the mail. He did not open them.

Koko seems to be adjusting well to being alone in the kitchen. It is to be very bitter cold the rest of the week so I dont think we can walk much after work. That has been perking him up even though it is such a brief walk. He greeted me tonight how he used to when his big sis was with him. That was a relief.

This is really hard as many of you already know. I knew it would be.


I am not ready to change our signature to Angel Zoe. I cant type that yet.

Thank you for being there.

[Harley PoMMom]

Every one grieves different, there is no set time or way to grieve. Just know we are here for you and hubby, and we love and care deeply about you both, and Koko too.

[doxiesrock912]

No one says you have to change the signature Addy.
Zoe is with you in spirit and always will be.

I'm so glad that you and hubby have the support that you need. Maybe the pt person can throw in an all over massage next time? It sounds like you need it.

Koko is starting to adjust, that is good news! Meeting you at the door is wonderful!

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Do what you need to do. Do not force yourself or hubby to do anything you can not do. Grief, sorrow, and lose is overwhelming. You go through the motions, but your soul is not there. You feel this overwhelming pain, emptiness inside,shock,disbelief,fatigue.
BE gentle with yourselves. Life is at a standstill right now.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo.

[Trish]

HI Addy
Another day done and dusted, I will be saying Happy Friday before we know it!! Awwww so nice they sent flowers, I bet they do not do that for everyone so it is very sweet to see how much Zoe and you meant to the staff there. Wish it was warm enough for you to get out with Koko, I think exercise would be good for you both! Leash him up and walk him around inside the house, he might think that's a bit of fun! xx

[Mel-Tia]

Just popping into say I am here thinking of you all.

Hope you are as ok as you can be this morning.

Mel
Xxx

[gatorgirl_bama]

If memory is the power to gather roses in the winter, then, well, memory is the power to still have my Zoe. Just in a different way.

Oh Addy how this made me cry for my own girls. Simply stated and simply beautiful. You, Zoe and your family are in my prayers.

Much love,
Donna

[Tina]

Thinking of you all as you start another day. How thoughtful that your IMS sent flowers, that was a beautiful way for them to honor your sweet girl. Continued love and support being sent your way. xo

[addy]

Thank you. Today is hard. Koko seems better. He woke up on his own today and ran to get his new toy. I cant talk today. Just sitting at work fighting back the tears.

Thank you all for your support through those darkest hours. I cannot find the right words to express how much that meant to me.

Love you all

[molly muffin]

Hi Addy, checking in.

Sounds like this is a rough day. Sending you lots of love to get through this one and maybe tomorrow will be better.

Good on Koko for getting up himself and going for the toy. That's great. :)

love
Sharlene

[Squirt's Mom]

We are right here with you, Addy. Let the tears come, it's ok.

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

[apollo6]

Grieve
It is hard to remain in the world and not feel a part of it-to watch others rush about like nothing has changed when everything has.

Grief make you feel alone, yet you do have a place in the world and others who care for you.
There is still beauty and meaning in life and you will find it again.
For now rest, mourn and wrap yourself in memories, the world can wait.
Zoe blessed you with her life, love, laughter and courage.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Budsters Mom]

Grief comes in waves. It is what it is. Be gentle with yourself. Xxxxx

[labblab]

Grieve
It is hard to remain in the world and not feel a part of it-to watch others rush about like nothing has changed when everything has.

Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
Oh Sonja, I've never heard anybody put it just like that, but what you've said is SOOOOO true :o.

Addy, just know that our world has changed, too, right alongside yours. So you don't have to say anything to us at all until you're ready and it is a comfort to you to speak.

[Faith Ann Mom]

Thank you. Today is hard. Koko seems better. He woke up on his own today and ran to get his new toy. I cant talk today. Just sitting at work fighting back the tears.

Thank you all for your support through those darkest hours. I cannot find the right words to express how much that meant to me.

Love you all

Dear Addy, I am praying you get the strength you need to survive your loss and that soon the day will arrive that you only remember the happy times you shared together. One part of you left with her, your inconditional love and loving tender care. One part of her will stay with you forever deep in your heart. You were the best mom she can possible had. You are so selfless giving yourself your knowledge and guidance to other when you had your hands full with Zoe and Koko. I admire so much and care for you so much and I will keep you and Zoe and Koko in my prayers.
Faith Ann Mom

[Sahara]

I am so sorry you have lost your precious girl. I am praying God gives you comfort and strength for the days ahead.

[Trish]

Hi Addy

I hope today is a better today for you, I am flying to Auckland tomorrow after work with my BFF for a weekend of fun! We are staying with friends up there and going to the Bruce Springsteen concert Sunday night and fly home on Monday. When he sings "Born in the USA" I am going to be thinking of you and all my friends over there and their gorgeous pups (for all the rest of you I will think of you when I'm on Fire comes on, which is my fave!!! ) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzQvGz6_fvA
So you get a HAPPY WEEKEND post a day early as may not be here tomorrow, so you take it easy and I will see you when I get back. **BIG HUGS** xxx

[addy]

Oh have a wonderful time Trish, what fun.

The shock wore off and a deep sadness is setting in. I wish so dearly I could stay home from work but that is a catch twenty-two because it is so hard to keep up with my work even when I miss just a half day plus I just received a new project yesterday that I have no idea when I will find the time to do.

It is well below zero again and there is no let up in the forecast. It is almost March and I can never remember this much cold for so very long. You cant be outside for more than five minutes.

Im allergic to Zoe's beautiful flowers. :o :(

The world is so empty right now. I am just going through the motions. I play with Koko but my heart is so empty. I remmeber my beautiful, fiesty girl and I am happy then. I so dearly want her to come to my in my dreams but she has not.

Instead of waking up sobbing, I just wake up sad and empty. If only the cold would go away.

[Mel-Tia]

Hey Addy

Sorry I wasn't here when you were on and that you feel so sad today. It's so hard to know how to function and what to do with yourself at any given minute.

Work can be a good distraction but it's hard to face everyone each day I am sure, would it be possible to do some from home so that you can keep up but do it in your surroundings with Koko for company?

Rubbish you are allergic to her flowers

Nicer weather would sure do your shoulder some good too, I heard on the news that polar vortex is back, last thing you need.

Sending you the tightest hug.

Mel
Xxxxx

[labblab]

"The Rose"
By Amanda McBroom
As sung by Bette Midler in tribute to Janis Joplin


Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you its only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose



Sending you much love and many warm hugs, Addy.

[My sweet Ginger]

Dear Addy,

I don't know whether this will make you cry or put a smile on your face and I can only hope for the latter. I have this scene being kept played in my mind over and over whenever I think about you and sweet Zoe since the day you took her to the ER and although this brings tears to my eyes each time without a fail but still I'm glad this happened on that day. The scene is Zoe kept coming to the kitchen and you had to take her back to her blanket FIVE times that morning before you left for work. I think that was her gift to you and herself so you two could hold and feel each other as close as you possibly can five more times instead of one time for the last time. I'm so sorry about what had transpired after that but how sweet of Zoe was that to give you those last few most precious moments to you which undoubtedly will last forever in your heart and memory so you can cherish those sweet and loving moments everyday.
Zoe was not only so smart to have picked you as her forever mom but she was also so smart to leave you with this loving special gift. I love her for that and miss her so much for you.

[apollo6]

Dear Addy
Sending you support,love. The emptiness is the pain in your heart and soul for the lose of Zoe. We realize once they are gone what a large part of our life they were and still are. You can not breathe,you feel life has been sucked out of you. You go through the motions with your body, but you are not there. You will grieve in your own way. There is no right way. We understand and are here for you as you have been there for so many others.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[Budsters Mom]

It gets better Addy. It really does! It takes time. Lots of it. I don't think the pain ever goes completely away, but it does get better.
Xxxxxxx

[Trixie]

Addy,
I'm sure there are no words to stem that deep sadness you feel. That bond with a dog is so strong. It takes time to ease the sorrow. Hope that work does give you a distraction but you probably do need some time to rest, good thing the weekend is in sight.
Thinking of you...
Barbara

[Bailey's Mom]

Hi Sweetie,
Doesn't your hand hurt by now with me squeezing it? I'm trying to be gentle but I want to be sure you know I am right here. Is there a dent on your shoulder from where I sit? Perhaps you've noticed you're walking a little lopsided? Once your other shoulder is better, we can even that out.:)

The pain you are feeling does go on for a long, long time. There is no wrong way to grieve. Your way is the right way for you. If you are feeling it, it is what is happening. You need to walk through that in order to process it. I know you know that. Koko can help you through this. Animals have a special connection, I think.

Tomorrow is the last day of February. Didn't you say you hate February? :p Well, it will finally be over. March will be here and it will be followed by April. April brings flowers and no more Polar Vortexes.:D After you finish work tomorrow, it is the weekend. You will have two days where you won't have to talk to anyone you don't want to. You won't have to go to any meetings or work on any new projects. Maybe you and hubby can rent some silly comedy, sit around with a bowl of popcorn or some s'mores and Koko and a big throw, perhaps a fire in the fireplace, and just laugh and relax.
Whatever you feel like doing is what you're meant to do. That may just be sitting with some music on. We will be here if you need someone else to talk to.

Love,
Sus

[addy]

PT said I was so tense I was clutching my left hand into a fist and my knuckles were turning white while she worked my bad shoulder.:o:o I guess I am a bit stressed.:(

Hubby said Koko ran to the bedroom by himself for nap time. So the tradition continues for hubby.

Hubby said it is now Koko's turn to become a swan or as Marianne suggests- a rose.

I know each day will get easier. A roller coaster of emotions. So up and down. Tomorrow it will already be a week since she died. I cannot comprehend that fact.

Song- Zoe did give me a gift before she died. That morning and then again in the ER later that day.

I think lunch is over. I am worried about Jasper. I hope he is ok when Tina gets home.

[goldengirl88]

Addy:
Take care, I am thinking of you and hoping this can somehow get easier for you.
Blessings
Patti

[Mel-Tia]

How sweet Koko is doing that, he must know his daddy needs snuggles.

It seems so long but short, it's such a strange feeling. I don't think the intensity of the pain ever goes away but you learn to cope with it a bit more each day.

I think writing to Tia in her thread helped me as it felt like I was talking to her and still connected.

I hope your shoulder doesn't feel too sore after p/t.

Gentle hug to you

Mel
Xxxx

[doxiesrock912]

Ouch Addy!
Sounds so painful. Do hot showers help?

Koko knows that dad needs snuggles. It's truly amazing what they sense.
Anyone who truly believes that animals don't have emotions is clueless.

I think that you're doing wonderfully Addy. I know how much you miss Zoe, but you are talking, grieving, doing all that you need to. It's part of the healing process. Hugs.

[molly muffin]

That is super sweet of Koko to run in for nap time. I bet that made your hubby smile. They sure are smart and sensitive when they want to be :)

Yep, a nice long hot bath/soak sounds just the thing. Have to keep that shoulder from freezing up, even with all the tension you're going through right now.

I love that song Marianne.

love
Sharlene

[addy]

You will all think I have lost it and am crazy- but she is here with me. I feel her presence so strongly as soon as I walked in the door. First in the kitchen and then in the living room.

I honestly feel her here with me tonight. I'm not crazy, really. Wait I think she left. Something has changed. Her spirit- maybe she was cremated today.

I can't explain it. My father came to me in my sleep last night but not Zoe. Her spirit has been released from somewhere today. I know it.

[apollo6]

you are not crazy in the least. Zoe was there and what you are feeling is normal.
For me , one of Apollo's music boxes started playing on it's own. Be open to the signs.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

[molly muffin]

That is very special Addy to have that feeling that Zoe was with you.

We don't think you're crazy. :) I think anyhow, that if you are so lucky to have that special presence and be able to feel it, recognize it, then you have been blessed with a special gift.
They say it comes when you need it the most. Maybe today was the day you needed it, was ready to feel it, the most.

love
Sharlene

[doxiesrock912]

She popped in to make sure that Koko was taking care of you.
Now that she knows that you're going to be ok, she feels safe to cross over completely. Xoxo

[maria]

I am so sorry for your loss. What a blessing to have Coco to comfort you and carry on the tradition. They know don't they? How to comfort us when we need it. Prayers for God's peace for you and your family.